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April 6, 2003

John M. Ford writes:
REDMOND, WA—Microsoft Corporation today announced a high-level arrangement with the U.S. State Department to restructure postwar Iraq as a Windows-based application.

The project, known as the Very Large Application Development In Multiple Iraqi Regions [VLADIMIR], would organize the country into a set of departments, or folders, linked by e-mail, instant messaging, and streaming video. The temporary occupation government would rule through a simple point-and-click interface.

The impact on the average Iraqi citizen is difficult to estimate at this time, but Xbox Live! will be made available at no charge to all citizens of Iraq, provided they sign an oath not to mod the consoles. MSN will be offered at a competitive price when the society is ready.

Former members of the Hussein government are be issued with 802.11g Personal Observational Webcams [POWs] that would allow them relative freedom of movement while providing a check for occupation forces. Rumors that this system would incorporate drag and drop functionality are unconfirmed.

Operations will be centralized at a tech campus to be known as Microsoft Iraqi Nexus Installation for Technology Reconstruction and Universal Education [MINITRUE]. This would include a massive server bank, an unspecified number of tech suppport lines, and a render farm for outgoing news. Security for this installation would be provided by a system not disclosed, presumably for reasons of security.

No precise date has been announced for rollout of the project, but Iraqi Service Pack 1 is on schedule for late 2004.

[09:15 AM]
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Comments on John M. Ford writes::

John Farrell ::: (view all by) ::: April 06, 2003, 09:42 AM:

Shouldn't it be called Iraqi NT Service Pack 1 (as in, Not Today)?

Erik V. Olson ::: (view all by) ::: April 06, 2003, 10:10 AM:

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Arthur D. Hlavaty ::: (view all by) ::: April 06, 2003, 10:31 AM:

And when they say, "fatal error," they mean "fatal error."

sinboy ::: (view all by) ::: April 06, 2003, 10:00 PM:

I've been meaning to polish this [link] up and send it out to some satire wire. Mr. Ford's article is perfect company for it.