March 1, 2004
Oh, okay, so is this:
PRESIDENT PROPOSES MARRIAGE AMENDMENT TO SATISFY AL-QAEDA[05:29 PM]
“We are not infidels,” says a somber Bush. “We agree with you on so many issues.”
With President Bush’s embrace yesterday of a marriage amendment, the compassionate conservative of 2000 has shown he is willing, if necessary, to make common cause with Osama bin Laden and fundamentalist mullahs throughout the Middle East.
Al-Qaeda, which translates as “The Base,” despite three years of not attacking the US directly, has grown restless over Bush ignoring them and focusing too much on Saddam Hussein and John Kerry. At the same time, al-Qaeda is pleased that Bush has forwarded their agenda of destroying the United States, though Bush prefers “soft” methods such as financial mismanagement and murderously reckless environmental policy.
So when gay marriages advanced in Massachusetts and San Francisco, Bush felt a need to respond to the cries of angry mullahs—even if it meant losing some swing voters he needs in November.
“Ultimately, I don’t think he had any choice,” said Ayman al-Zahawiri, a religious conservative who some call “Bin Laden’s Brain.” “The president has never really shown an enthusiasm about the wars over the culture.” Al-Zahawiri added: “It would’ve been inconceivable that a president so associated with traditional values would have sat idly by while marriage was being redefined. He had to act.”