Making Light :: Bike-selling Scots strand Alaskan chicken hypnotist :: comments http://nielsenhayden.com/makinglight/archives/000350.html#comments Language, fraud, folly, truth, history, and knitting. Et cetera. en Mon, 15 Jul 2002 02:56:04 -0500 http://www.sixapart.com/movabletype/?v=4.261 Bike-selling Scots strand Alaskan chicken hypnotist Sent to me by David Levine, who found it in the Anchorage Daily News: While she was trying on clothes... Sent to me by David Levine, who found it in the Anchorage Daily News: While she was trying on clothes... http://nielsenhayden.com/makinglight/archives/000350.html Bike-selling Scots strand Alaskan chicken hypnotist -- comment #1 from Erik V. Olson comment from Erik V. Olson on 11.Jul.02 "I know what each of those words mean, but I don't understand them all together like that" -- Lisa Simpson.

]]> <p>Posted July 11, 2002 3:46 PM by Erik V. Olson</p> http://nielsenhayden.com/makinglight/archives/000350.html#1340 http://nielsenhayden.com/makinglight/archives/000350.html#1340 Thu, 11 Jul 2002 15:46:22 -0500 Bike-selling Scots strand Alaskan chicken hypnotist -- comment #2 from Teresa Nielsen Hayden comment from Teresa Nielsen Hayden on 11.Jul.02 Yes; that's what I like about that headline.

]]> <p>Posted July 11, 2002 3:58 PM by Teresa Nielsen Hayden</p> http://nielsenhayden.com/makinglight/archives/000350.html#1344 http://nielsenhayden.com/makinglight/archives/000350.html#1344 Thu, 11 Jul 2002 15:58:39 -0500 Bike-selling Scots strand Alaskan chicken hypnotist -- comment #3 from James Macdonald comment from James Macdonald on 11.Jul.02 You become a fire-eating chicken hypnotist in the usual way, I suppose. First, learn to hypnotise chickens. There's a bit of a knack to it, but it's not overly difficult. Hold the chicken down so her head is on the ground, legs strecthed straight back. Then, with your finger, draw a line in the dirt directy out from the chicken's beak, parallel with the chicken's long axis. The chicken will remain in the position you put her in.

The fire eating is a little tougher and takes more time. The first thing to remember is to tilt your head way back. The next thing is, if you have a beard or moustache, keep them well trimmed. The last thing is, don't use torches made of metal. Don't perform in public until you've mastered the art.

]]> <p>Posted July 11, 2002 7:16 PM by James Macdonald</p> http://nielsenhayden.com/makinglight/archives/000350.html#1348 http://nielsenhayden.com/makinglight/archives/000350.html#1348 Thu, 11 Jul 2002 19:16:15 -0500 Bike-selling Scots strand Alaskan chicken hypnotist -- comment #4 from John M. Ford comment from John M. Ford on 11.Jul.02 "Your Evil Overlordship, sir?"

"Yesssss?"

"Agent McTavish reports all is going according to plan. The charity people innocently sold the bicycle, and the young lady is trapped in Edinburgh."

"Excellent. Tell Fitzroy to prepare the flame-breathing chickens. Once we have subjugated their cackling little wills, everything from the Tweed to John O'Groats is in my grasp!"

"Nothin' can stand in your way now, boss."

"I trust, Hamish, that you intned that as the Evil Overlord equivalent of 'break a leg.'"

]]> <p>Posted July 11, 2002 9:44 PM by John M. Ford</p> http://nielsenhayden.com/makinglight/archives/000350.html#1350 http://nielsenhayden.com/makinglight/archives/000350.html#1350 Thu, 11 Jul 2002 21:44:57 -0500 Bike-selling Scots strand Alaskan chicken hypnotist -- comment #5 from Mitch Wagner comment from Mitch Wagner on 12.Jul.02 I actually thought this write-up was better:

"Texans Chip in to Rescue Stranded Chicken-Hypnotist."

I love the lede:

"The plight of an Alaskan chicken-hypnotist whose circus tour was cut short in Edinburgh when a charity shop sold her bicycle by mistake has tweaked heartstrings as far afield as Austin, Texas."

As far as I can tell, to be a "chicken-hypnotist" is to be a person who hypnotizes chickens. A "chicken-hypnotist" is not both a chicken AND a hypnotist, like a writer-actor-director-waiter.

http://www.drive-thru.org/cgi-bin/ax.pl?http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=573&ncid=573&e=6&u=/nm/20020628/od_nm/britain_hypnotist_dc_1

]]> <p>Posted July 12, 2002 2:00 AM by Mitch Wagner</p> http://nielsenhayden.com/makinglight/archives/000350.html#1353 http://nielsenhayden.com/makinglight/archives/000350.html#1353 Fri, 12 Jul 2002 02:00:51 -0500 Bike-selling Scots strand Alaskan chicken hypnotist -- comment #6 from Teresa Nielsen Hayden comment from Teresa Nielsen Hayden on 12.Jul.02 And as the score now stands: Unemployed submarine-building Texan engineers chip in to rescue fire-breathing Alaskan chicken-hypnotist stranded by eleemosynary bike-selling Scots.

It makes me feel like we're in the vicinity of a vast, long-dormant pun or palindrome. That, or divine providence is reminding us why English hyphenates compound adjectives.

Mike, all it takes is a prolonged drought. If their feathers ever dry out, those little monsters suffer spontaneous barbecue.

Jim, did they teach the SEALs to do that too, or is this one of those bosun's-mate things?

]]> <p>Posted July 12, 2002 7:57 AM by Teresa Nielsen Hayden</p> http://nielsenhayden.com/makinglight/archives/000350.html#1355 http://nielsenhayden.com/makinglight/archives/000350.html#1355 Fri, 12 Jul 2002 07:57:15 -0500 Bike-selling Scots strand Alaskan chicken hypnotist -- comment #7 from Jordin Kare comment from Jordin Kare on 12.Jul.02 "Just relax. Now, when I count to three, you will awaken refreshed and lay an egg. But later, when I snap my fingers, you will be overcome by an irresistable urge to act like a human being...."

And now we have hyperlexical web-posting editors (and generic hand-waving physicists) philosophizing about unemployed submarine-building Texan engineers chipping in to rescue fire-breathing Alaskan chicken-hypnotist stranded by eleemosynary bike-selling Scots.

]]> <p>Posted July 12, 2002 9:16 PM by Jordin Kare</p> http://nielsenhayden.com/makinglight/archives/000350.html#1359 http://nielsenhayden.com/makinglight/archives/000350.html#1359 Fri, 12 Jul 2002 21:16:03 -0500 Bike-selling Scots strand Alaskan chicken hypnotist -- comment #8 from Dorothy Rothschild comment from Dorothy Rothschild on 13.Jul.02 I live in Scotland and the story has been making the news here (and I've overheard discussions about it), so I'm quite intrigued that it's been picked up internationally! Slow news month...?

]]> <p>Posted July 13, 2002 2:55 PM by Dorothy Rothschild</p> http://nielsenhayden.com/makinglight/archives/000350.html#1364 http://nielsenhayden.com/makinglight/archives/000350.html#1364 Sat, 13 Jul 2002 14:55:02 -0500 Bike-selling Scots strand Alaskan chicken hypnotist -- comment #9 from Mitch Wagner comment from Mitch Wagner on 13.Jul.02 > Slow news moth... ?

Indeed. Isn't this the Silly Season, as in the C.M. Kornbluth story? Or was that August?

]]> <p>Posted July 13, 2002 5:13 PM by Mitch Wagner</p> http://nielsenhayden.com/makinglight/archives/000350.html#1366 http://nielsenhayden.com/makinglight/archives/000350.html#1366 Sat, 13 Jul 2002 17:13:04 -0500 Bike-selling Scots strand Alaskan chicken hypnotist -- comment #10 from John M. Ford comment from John M. Ford on 14.Jul.02 Not This August.

]]> <p>Posted July 14, 2002 1:38 AM by John M. Ford</p> http://nielsenhayden.com/makinglight/archives/000350.html#1368 http://nielsenhayden.com/makinglight/archives/000350.html#1368 Sun, 14 Jul 2002 01:38:17 -0500 Bike-selling Scots strand Alaskan chicken hypnotist -- comment #11 from Teresa Nielsen Hayden comment from Teresa Nielsen Hayden on 14.Jul.02 Dr. Not plots to (dare I say it?) take over the world; headlines read, 'Handwaving physicist comments in re skiffy editor blogging unemployed submarine-building Texan engineers chipping in to rescue fire-breathing Alaskan chicken-hypnotist stranded by eleemosynary bike-selling Scots.'

]]> <p>Posted July 14, 2002 6:48 AM by Teresa Nielsen Hayden</p> http://nielsenhayden.com/makinglight/archives/000350.html#1371 http://nielsenhayden.com/makinglight/archives/000350.html#1371 Sun, 14 Jul 2002 06:48:50 -0500 Bike-selling Scots strand Alaskan chicken hypnotist -- comment #12 from Jordin Kare comment from Jordin Kare on 15.Jul.02 Film at 11!

]]> <p>Posted July 15, 2002 2:56 AM by Jordin Kare</p> http://nielsenhayden.com/makinglight/archives/000350.html#1377 http://nielsenhayden.com/makinglight/archives/000350.html#1377 Mon, 15 Jul 2002 02:56:04 -0500