"We" does not mean "you" and "me," of course; it means the world in George Bush's head.

(Now I feel like I'm artificially inflating my comment count.)

* * *

#5: If you exceed a certain comment count, you get your choice of a Proctor-Silex five-speed blender or a set of nesting LappWare, the plastic storage containers for reindeer herders.

I'm happy to hear a number of generals are standing up to Caligula's orders, but I am a bit depressed to hear that an attack on Iran is so likely that a bunch of Generals had to decide that they'd resign rather than conform to an order that would surely kill the United States military.

Little Boots.

Little Bush. (i.e. Bush Jr.)

long ago lost his mind.

I realize that that's probably supposed to be an affectation of "terror," but it's the first time I made the connection that the current Administration is actually waging a War on Terra....

He said he'd rather have a president fired because of a blow job than one fired because he's lying and wasting human lives dithering in a place we don't need to be at war with.

Thanks for listening.

#17: There's a filk of "God lives on Terra" in this, I'm sure.

...which will store your reindeer silently, very fast, and altogether elsewhere.

Congratulations, Avram, on becoming a front-page poster. Excellent post. Horrible situation.

Late Saturday, the US Air Force launched a series of bombing raids on southeast Baghdad. This is absolutely shameful, that the US is bombing from the air a civilian city that it militarily occupies. You can't possibly do that without killing innocent civilians, as at Ramadi the other day. It is a war crime. US citizens should protest and write their congressional representatives. It is also the worst possible counter-insurgency tactic anyone could ever have imagined. You bomb people, they hate you. The bombing appears to have knocked out what little electricity some parts of Baghdad were still getting.

Can't we stop now? Please?

[guy who writes into the paper who I want to smack with the paper]

You want all those soldiers to have died and had their limbs blown off for nothing? That's just what they want.

[/guy who writes into the paper who I want to smack with the paper]

There's only one way to tell if that's a U.S. soldier, or an Iraqi soldier:

"Van Halen sucks!"

"Old Van Halen or new Van Halen?"

"It's OK, he's one of ours. He's not down with the Van Hagar."

Oh, man. I wish I still had my copy. Lost it in one transcontinental move or another.

And welcome, Avram!

"How can we put faith in an article where the writer's do not even know how to spell defense?"

Only one sentence, yet it says so much.

But it is a very great mistake to suppose that a story is likely to be true just because it has appeared in either of these Murdoch papers.

> I realize that that's probably supposed to be an affectation of "terror," but it's the first time I made the connection that the current Administration is actually waging a War on Terra....

And my brain stuck rigorously to the topic and went for "The war on Tehran"

Meanwhile one nitpick: it's The Times (or in this case, as #29 noticed), The Sunday Times): there is no such paper as The Times of London, unlike say the New York Times.

The Times was the first so saw no need to identify itself further, just like British stamps have no country code to identify them as being British.

That's why Avram referred to it, entirely correctly, as "the Times". The phrase "of London" wasn't italicized.

Like it or not, in America the phrase "the Times" is liable to be taken to mean the New York Times. When referring to the London paper with the similar name, it makes sense to clarify that. It's kind of amusing that Brits and Europeans are evidently so used to correcting Americans on this point of style that they do so even when Americans do it correctly.

That's a dangerous path to start down.

If the Shrub does indeed go into Iran, that would be the biggest military blunder in that region since Crassus got his toga handed to him.

And congratulations, Avram.

Doesn't lend itself to the same kinds of confluences, but sets my teeth on edge more than Terra. I find myself shouting "TERR-OR! TERR-OR! And it's effing TERR-OR-ISM anyway!" (I also usually have to repeat "nuclear" to myself several times after listening to Bush talk about nukular weapons. "NEW-CLEEE-AR!") I don't usually get so persnickety about accents and pronounciation in conversation, but...

And hooray for Avram.

I just don't see how we could invade Iran, since we're having a hell of a time holding down Iraq. I'm sure we could bomb the hell out of them, even nuke them if necessary. But invade them? With what? And if we bomb them, what will happen to our forces inside Iraq? And will there be some kind of retaliation inside the US? Iran has demonstrated competence in supporting and equipping terrorists in Lebanon and apparently Iraq; can they manage that here, too?

Dictus sum me hostilem a amicum clamore "Ad infernum Pompeius" discernere. Si pugnat, hostilis est. Nam virum aspexi et clamavi "Ad infernum Pompeius". Et "Ad infernum Caesar" reclamavit. Dum manus nos agitabamus, occidit nos currus.

I think I probably did the former once or twice when I was younger. The latter is probably incurable.

Anyway, on the serious things: you'd think the idea of invading Iran was ridiculous were it not for, um, Iraq. There was some Pentagonresistance to invading Iraq, at least with the plan that we went with, wasn't there? I'm starting to get that late-2002 feeling all over again, although this time it's more faltering. But still, I listen to the BBC news and hear "The US says it has found more Iranian-made weapons in Iraq" in the headlines and think, ah yes, the official news of the day has arrived. It's not even (or only) about the media, but to me just the blatant and persistent attempt to deceive and persuade. I feel like I'm stuck watching people yelling "Remember the Maine!"

Yesterday's WashPost had an article on how Rumsfeld is not a good manager.

23. And the LORD spoke to Jephthah, saying: Surely thine enemies the Moabites love Eglon their king; and the children of Israel love him not; 24. therefore when thou meetest strangers cry "Cursed be Eglon!" and if they be of the tribe of the Moabites, they will come against thee, and I will deliver them into thy hands. 25. And Jephthah went forth to the plain of Ash-ut-rehel, and beheld a man armed, and cried unto him "Cursed be Eglon!" 26. And the man replied "Cursed also be Saul, the king of Israel!" 27. And Jephthah fell upon his neck and embraced him. 28. And the LORD sent a fiery chariot, probably left over from the Book of Kings, and smote Jephthah in the plain of Ash-ut-rehel, and the Moabite with him.

Can't remember the Latin term for it, offhand, and don't have time to look it up right now. Maybe someone else can come up with it?

Mary Frances

I think that's from 3 Chronicles somewhere?

...oh, never mind.

"Our secret service has decided to give one of you ONE of our nuclear warheads, ready for use. But I can only give this nuke to ONE of you. First, each of you tell me: how would you use it?"

Muqtada al-Sadr says: "I would use it to blow up the Saudi oil fields, and throw our enemies into despair and disarray!"

Musab al-Zarqawi says: "Don't listen to him! I would ship the warhead by boat to Washington, and destroy the very heart of the Great Satan!"

Ahmed Chalabi says: "Child's play! Give the warhead to me and I shall wipe out Israel, our most hated common enemy, once and for all."

The other two are duly impressed, change their minds and swear that they too would destroy Israel if they had the nuke.

The agent shakes his head: "If we didn't have Israel, we'd turn on each other. I can't let you destroy our last hope for Arab unity."

The agent walks out. Disappointed, al-Sadr and al-Zarqawi turn on Chalabi: "Why did you make that suggestion?" - "Yeah, you had us fooled! We could've had a nuke, but you ruined everything with your stupid dare!"

Ahmed Chalabi shrugs and says: "When I heard your suggestions I knew I couldn't come up with anything better. So I had to make sure none of us got that nuke."

Muqtada moves to leave, but Musab says: "Wait. We can still get our hands on the nuke. Let's seek out that agent, and tell him we've seen the light and promise to use the nuke on Washington."

"Great plan!" says Ahmed.

"And then we blow up the capital of the Great Satan?" asks Muqtada with childish excitement.

"No, you fool," says Musab. "We go to that agent's country and blow up their OTHER warheads -- so they can't use them on us."

All three toast: "To Arab unity!"

I'd trade all the points in the game for that.

Muqtada al-Sadr orders a scotch and soda, raises his glass, and says, "To hell with Osama bin Laden!"

Abu Musab al-Zarqawi asks for Jack and Coke, drains it in one, and says, "To hell with Grand Ayatollah Ali al-Sistani!"

Ahmed Chalabi suddenly excuses himself, and heads for the door. "Excuse me, fellows, but my truck is double-parked."

I keep wondering how much more the administration can abuse our military before the military strikes, or actively mutinies. There's a line, somewhere, somewhere. If crossed, it will be the end of the US as a world power, and possibly the end of US democracy as well. I can only hope the administration will pull back, but it is a slender hope.

I also remember the Chief of Staff of the Army saying later that he wished he had resigned rather than say nothing and let LBJ's plan for escalation in Vietnam go ahead...

I'd trade all the points in the game for that.

"And so he yelled 'Lieberman sold out to the GOP!' and the voice in the tall grass yelled 'Yeah! Lieberman sold out to the GOP!' and then Lieberman came running out of the tall grass right up to Bush and they shook hands.

"And as Halliburton won a no-bid contract to provide transit service the year before the bus was twelve miles away on the wrong road with two flats and no gas, but Bush and Lieberman agreed they'd been hit by it just the same."

It immediately blows up in a big explosion. The three men crawl out of the smoldering wreckage...

Muqtada says: "It wasn't one of my suicide bombers. Was it an Israeli attack?"

Abu Musab says: "My men didn't do this! Maybe the Americans?"

Ahmed brushes the soot off his suit and says: "It was an accident. I thought Dick Cheney was here and set off a bomb I happened to have on me."

The other two are surprised. "What?" - "How could you possibly believe Dick Cheney would frequent THIS bar?"

Ahmed shrugs. "When I entered, I heard someone shout: 'Look, there's that trigger-happy madman!'"

Chalabi shrugs and replies "Well, if I only brought one of you, he'd drink all my whisky."

I was told that the way to tell a Boskonian from a Galactic Patrolman was to shout “Helmuth is a caricature of a dictator!” If he shoots, he’s unfriendly. So I saw this alien and yelled “Helmuth is a caricature of a dictator!” and he yelled back, “Kimball Kinnison is overrated!” We were shaking hands when a Rigellan Groundcar hit us.

* Which I didn't know was possible

Ahmed Chalabi says: "Guys, as leaders of the righteous it is our duty to be examples to others."

He gives them a reproachful look.

"All right," says Abu Musab. "Bartender, I'll have coffee."

Muqtada slams his fist into the counter and says: "I'll have coffee - strong!"

They get their coffee and then look to Ahmed.

He says to the bartender: "One whisky on the rocks, and a vodka chaser." The other two glare at him, and he shrugs.

"What? This is my day off."

This is Just to Say
I have befriended
the soldier
who cursed
our leader

and whom
I should probably
have shot
for being the enemy

Forgive me
he was my brother
so strange
and WATCH OUT FOR THAT BUS!

Two minutes later they walk out of the bar.

"Awful coffee," says Muqtada.

"They played terrible music," says Abu Musab.

Ahmed nods. "And did you notice how rude the bartender was before we shot him?"

Al-Sadr says. "I want the Americans to leave Iraq, never to return," and the bartender replies, "I do not need to do anything, for this will come to pass of itself."

Al-Zarqawi says, "I want to see Iraq whole and strong and under the rule of Shari'a administered by imams of the Sunni sect." The bartender puts a hookah on the bar and says, "Smoke this. It's the only way you will ever see what you wish for."

Chalabi says, "I want to be remembered by history with the respect accorded to a great statesman." The bartender says to Al-Zarqawi, "Give him the hookah, he needs it more than you."

Alternate ending:
Chalabi says, "I want to restore my standing with the American intelligence and neo-conservative communities and once again be given a high position in a Shi'ite goverment." The bartender says, "No problem; just tell George Bush there are weapons of mass destruction in Iran. After the invasion, he'll make you President there."

Going back and forth with abi makes it look like a competition, which it isn't*, but still:

Two guys united
By contempt for their leaders
(Also by a bus)

* mainly because I'm losing

Substitute Osama bin Laden and Hilary Clinton, and toss in some dress/gender identity jokes. Then substitute a truck for an IED.