But, yeah Abi!

I that in heill wes and gladnes
Am trublit now with great sicknes
My sicklie stait is no surprise:
IM IN UR BASE KILIN UR GUYZ.

Death sovran is of all the tubez,
Of rich, of poor, of l33t, of n00bz;
No mortal shal escaip his eyis:
IM IN UR BASE KILIN UR GUYZ.

Al flesh is dust; we are but bones;
Baith knight and maid he freely pwns;
Against his glanse brooks no disguyse;
IM IN UR BASE KILIN UR GUYZ.

He draws al to his dark bucket;
Whoe'er ye be, ye're surely f***kit;
The Walrus wil not sympathise;
IM IN UR BASE KILIN UR GUYZ.

Our base are al belong to Death
And have done since our natal breath
(This point I'd like to emphasise):
IM IN UR BASE KILIN UR GUYZ.

ajay: Most excellent. I can see we're in for a treat on this thread.

I don't know of any cat who asks for anything. A cat who demands, yes... Nonetheless, I enjoyed your poem in spite of the gross error in its biological facts.

UR IN HEL NOW

LASCIATE OGNI SPERANZA :-(

N

>BEATRIZ IZ NOT THIS WAI

E

>BEATRIZ IZ NOT THIS WAI

S

>O NOES U IS EATIN BY A GRUE
>KTHX BAI

You shoot, you score.

>You are on the Sphere of the Fixed Stars.
>Several thousand cherubim are here.
>St Bernard of Clairvaux is here.
>Beatrice is here.

CONTEMPLATE GOD'S LOVE

>You contemplate God's love.
>Time passes...

CONTEMPLATE GOD'S LOVE.

>You contemplate God's love.
>Time passes...
>St Bernard of Clairvaux is talking about Faith.

LISTEN TO BERNARD

>He is a saint, you know!

LISTEN TO ST BERNARD

>St Bernard of Clairvaux discusses the nature of Faith for a canto and a half.
>Time passes...

CONTEMPLATE CREATION

>You meditate on the Creation.
>St Bernard of Clairvaux has finished talking.

UP

>You ascend to the Empyrean.
>EMPYREAN
>God is here.
>The Virgin Mary is here
>St Anne is here.
>Beatrice is here.

FEEL BLISS

>You feel bliss.

And so on.

I is a kitty and I has good fun
I is entertaining everyone
Dint used to be an internet icon
Till my mom got a digital Nikon

Inspired (if that is the word) by ajay and with profoundest apologies to William Dunbar and, of course, our noble hostess:

I that in heill wes, and gladnes,
am trublit now with grete seikness,
and feblit with infermitee;
TNH disemvowelleth mee.

The stait of noob doth never vary,
ne'er sound, ne'er weill, bot alwaies sary;
baith riche and puir of all degre,
TNH disemvowelleth mee.

She takis the haxor in the stour,
the Bushite closit in the tower;
hir awfulle strak may no troll flee:
TNH disemvoelleth mee.

Art-magicianis and astrologis,
rhetoris, logicianis, and theologis,
thame helpith no conclusionis slee;
TNH disemvowelleth mee.

I se that regulars maun not escape,
for all that they do bow and scrape;
all are cast into deepeth sea,
TNH disemvowelleth mee.

Good maistre Gregory Londoun
could nat escape in the afternoon;
and manie mair in this countre;
TNH disemvowelleth mee.

Tis a mattre of grete regret
we see na mair Public Radio Vet;
for all that he lacked curtesye,
TNH disemvowelleth mee.

Sen she hath all my brether tane,
she will nat let me post allane;
on forse I maun her next prey be --
TNH disemvowelleth mee.

Sen for the flame remeid is sure,
tis best that we accept the cure.
The mistris proud of all we see,
TNH disemvowelleth mee.

(Or maybe there already is.)

I thought Public Radio Vet showed grace under pressure. How many people could keep their composure while being growled at by that lineup? He's welcome to come back.

TNH #18: That's 'IDs'.

TNH #22: Thanks! I too hope PRV comes back.

Almost every time we've done a Making Light game, I've thought to myself, "Of course, nobody's going to do _______," and then they do. The other time was when Patrick told me nobody would recognize Tolkien as written by Gerrard Winstanley, and by the time we got home from work that night, two people had identified it.

i 8 ur plumz, although I now realize that it should have started "o hai!"

Whanne that Septembre doth the summer ende
vnto the schooles the myriad noobs do wende;
they think nat of the trouble and the frette
that they will cause vpon the Internette.
In daies long past svch swaines wee did nat see
vntille they reched college or vniuersitie,
bot nowe at everich schole compvters waite
instrvmentes alike of childish loue and hate.
As sone as youngstre on the net doth logge
bot thatte hee (or shee) doth make an blogge,
opon the uuiche the bratte doth lightlie write
of matteres simple and of svbjectes trite:
howe one beth lamer, yet another leet,
and howe they never shalle knowe defeat.
Gentillesse and chivalrie do soffre rout
whanne these yonge men and women doe come out;
whilom there was on the Nette true cortesye
bot nowe gode manners doe from the Webbe flee.
UUee elders loke, and we ovre heads doe shake
and uuonder whether twas alle an mistake.
One thing there beth that doth drive us bats,
and thatte is all those swivinge lolcatz!

Which is disappointing as if we had a lot of cat poems, we could make a musical from them. If the costumes were good enough, we wouldn't even have to come up with a plot.

Since I can't rhyme anything this evening:

The cat sits legless
No response when I enter
She is not a dog

On a related note, LOLWho over at I Has a Tardis.

ajay, Speaker To Managers--brilliance as well!

IM IN UR DEBT NOW
LAPPING UP UR POSTS

ajay, Speaker To Managers, everyone else--brilliance as well!

Now I really must go or I'll get no work done this afternoon...

My workstation is wired
To 'nets as if in troth.
In ML games I'm mired.

Those minds I have admired?
They draw me like a moth.
I'm going to get fired.

My lunch break has transpired.
To get to work I'm loth.
In ML games I'm mired.

For sysad I was hired.
I'll make my bosses wroth.
I'm going to get fired.

Of I.T. I'm so tired.
I'm cut from different cloth.
In ML games I'm mired.
I'm going to get fired.

For my part, thank you. But I've been far, far outdone on this thread.

As, indeed, I expected to be. And am happy to be.

When I grew up, I was the only Abi or Abigail anywhere. The name has since exploded into popularity, which has not yet ceased to bemuse me.

seducing yr legolas

LOL

hai
im in ur seech
drpwning ur wurmz

Felines, wo-o-o felines,
Wo-o-o, felines jump outta my arms

Hai

Im in ur selamlik
pwning ur padishah

**

I maded you a promise to uphold your house
But I sunked ur bones in quick-destroying limes
And turnt ur flesh to timber for all time
Toppled ur bucket; lold ur boughs
And eated your ecstacy that miaos
Pushed u, sir, to the point where
U bore a little more than u could bear

Not the arch and
Not the corner
Of this noble fabric u has builded
But I made your laundry gilded
And for my second work of grace
I freed u up some counter space
Hid in curtins.
Saw u there.
U bared a little more than I could bare.

K sorry
Sorry
I atone
In dismal sorrow
Wif this cone

Timor kitteh conturbat meh! LOL! You rock!

I iz tyg4r burn1nz br1t3
In yr f0r3stz 0f t3h n1t3
WHUT da m4x l33t h4ndz 0r 3y3z
Fr4m3z0rd mah f33rfl 5mmtryz?

In yr sekr1t d33pz n skyz
In yr b4s3 pwnin yr guyz
C4n iz I t3h w4r3z b1n h4xt?
C4n I h4z sum pr0n plzthx?

Tyg4r iz l33t burnz0r d00d
1ns1de yr b4s3 34tin yr f00d.

I have never had such a good time while simultaneously being made to feel really stupid by so many cool people.

ATEOTD, it wuz drear-age
i wuz thinkin, pwned, an phr33kage
r34din pr0n, an playn warez.
i in ur bed, take ur nappin,
wehn dis haxor getz kekeke'in,
kekeke'in @ my skreenage.
sum trolz wuz eatin lamerz,
IMHO, LOLz.

IIRC, it wuz Decembrage.
N da luzzers wuz pwnage
as i ROTF.
ZOMG, I wantin 2B L8R,
i STFW, WTF? W/E
i searchin 4 d tweedler.
4 d GR8 tweedler haxor,
no alias no RL no more

I've been trying to come up with something better than that all day. I bow to you, Fluorosphere, for you are great.

We can has rest?
Has rest
oh, hai
We can has detalez?
Im in ur fields, formin ur duzt
We can has edin?
Im in ur faz, makin the rulz
We can has peeps?
Im in ur sleep, takin ur ribz
Invisible clothz
BRB
Rly ok

U can has frutz?
Do not want di
Teh frutz is lava
U can has wizdim?
want frutz
death has a flavor lol
oh, hai, back, wheru?
Visible figleef
OMG rly sori
Invisible legz
Invisible desirz
Visible sweatz
Visible sword

2 b r no7 2 b
iz qu3s710n

mmm sunb34m

b

TUNA? kthxbai!

IM IN UR HAUS,
IN UR BOX,
WIT UR MAUS,
WIT UR FOX,
ON UR TRAIN,
IN UR CAR,
IN UR RAIN,
IN UR DARK,
EATIN UR GREEN EGGZ AND HAMZ.

sumcatz txt cz thr noobs & dum
mayB they aino pandit
Bt me try til me hed is num
I still can't understand it.

Catz sleepin anywhre, 'ny tabls, 'ny chairs.
T0p uv piano, windoe-ledge, in da middul, on de edge,
0pn drawz, emty shooz, ennybody's lap ull do.
Fitted inna cahdbord bx, innda cubbord wit ur froks,
'Nywhre! We's don't care! Catz slep 'nywhre!

kbai - i's sleepin now

o noes! invisible angel!

I MADED YOU A STANZA
BUT I DELETED IT

or

DOOR RAVEN IS WATCHING YOU MASTURBATE

Tho 10 yrs in al
wr conzumed by teh fall
we cd has missed ur cheezburger
n hax0red less sw33t

was sonst noch? der LOLkatz hackt gern ein Webserver/am Abend im Rechenzentrum/das stkrt die Verdauungskraft/und l33tet die Cheezburger..

Tho 10 yrs in al
wr conzumed by teh fall
we cd has missed ur cheezburger
n hax0red less sw33t

was sonst noch? der LOLkatz hackt gern ein Webserver/am Abend in Rechenzentren/das stkrt die Verdauungskraft/und l33tet die Cheezburger..(repeated to post to pluralise "Rechenzentrum" and fix rhyme scheme)

On the Production of Luminosity

All hail the glorious Fluorosphere!
All knowledge is found on this site
Bookbinders, knitters, are found here
And many more are Making Light.

This is a gift economy,
The currency: posts shining bright
We lay them out for all to see
and hope they please at Making Light.

We may be frivolous sometimes,
But never ignore others' plight,
Humane and kindly are our minds
This is the strength of Making Light

We speak round here of matters that
Do challenge those that have great might
And yet we speak here too of CATZ
For we are great at Making Light.

From dinosaurs to sodomy,
Our threads are woven; and the sight
of tapestries produced thusly,
graces the walls of Making Light

A band of poets too is here
Each spurs another to great height
My humble contribution this
To the discourse at Making Light

A final thought: the posts you see
Teresa's pruned, oft through the night
So let us all with comity
produce our best at Making Light

Post scriptum:

A thanks to posters all from me:
You help me check my thoughts are right,
And this is why I'm proud to be
A commentor on Making Light

Natalie@30: Wow! That's really cool. I suppose I should go and post saying so there....

(I got what he was doing right in the prologue, though, since I remembered who Cats was.)

im in ur h31mz d33p
killin ur guyz
uruk hai

Bngli: i can has dance?
J4N3: k
l12: i can has dance too?
DarC: no u ugly go way
l12: LOLz
Bngli: BRB

MrC0lnz: l12 i can has heart?
l12: no gway
Chrltt: u can has me
MrC0lnz: K BRB

Wikm: IM IN UR TOWN SEDUCIN UR DAUTERS
lyd14: o hai

DarC: i can has heart?
l12: no gway u rude

l12: IM IN UR PEMBERLEY ADMIRIN UR STUFF
DarC: hai
l12: OMG thought u were AFK!!1!

J4N3: OMG lyd14 & Wikm BFF
l12: WTF?
lyd14: i can has wikm, k?
Wikm: i can has $$$? LOL
DarC: k

Bngli: hai, back. i can has heart?
J4N3: k lol
DarC: back
l12: thx 4 ur help
DarC: i can has heart?
l12: k lol

Everyone,
Wow. I'm delighted to be so thoroughly outclassed so many times.

And I can't convey how strange it is to see my name over & over again in the Recent Comments section. The background processing section of my brain, which catches on things that the foreground should stop and pay attention to, has a bad case of the hiccups as a result.

LOLz

Im on yr pallid bust of pallas,
quothing yr nevermore?

1: OH NOES!!1! Mah bestest minds asplode!

2: Can I has new rebirth of freedom?

IM IN UR ROADZ BUMMIN UR DHARMA

Not only most of Western literature as text, but a three-beat villanelle from Mary Dell?

Holy leaping two rhymes throughout, Batman.

[ "Hey, guys, you won't believe the size of the bug I just squished in Gregor's room." ]

[ "Hey, guys, you won't believe the size of the bug I just squished in Gregor's room." ]

Which of course makes me think of:

W1llrd: omfg still in saigon!!!
W1llrd: saigon=teh lam3
W1llrd: am st0nd
W1llrd: BRB
MPGuy: o hai
MPGuy: UOK W1llrd?
W1llrd: I can has missn pls?

W1llrd: im in ur base
W1llrd: eatin ur shrimp
GNRL: Krtz gon nutz!!
GNRL: total phsycko
GNRL: psycho sorry
GNRL: LOL
GNRL: u ownz0r Krtz?
CIADUDE: ownz0r wif xtrm prejudice
W1llrd: k

K1LG0R: charlie ur pwned!!
K1LGOR: am on ur beech
K1LGOR: surfin ur wave
K1LGOR: LOL
CHARLIE: im in ur huey
CHARLIE: im blowin u up!!! ur pwned GI!!!
K1LGOR: o hai i can has napalm?
USAF: k
USAF: visible napalm
K1LGOR: kthx
K1LGOR: mmm smellz
K1LGOR: beer!!! LOL

KRTZ: im in ur jungl
KRTZ: extrminatin ur brutez
KRTZ: W1llrd ur pwned!
KRTZ: ur soldr W1llrd?

Lance: wher ru W1llrd?
Lance: I can has B-52?

KRTZ: teh horror!
KRTZ: teh horror!

pangurcatz in mi monastery
doin his job
all nite
catchin micez

i can has wizdum
he can has micez
weez gud (practiz!)
uz LOL

All this, plus the occasional cat....

And a LOLbeat for Howard Peirce:

im in ur heroenn vishun
havn teh buttseks

Meanwhile on F6, the LOLcode dev team have finished...sorree..has got a PERL interpreter!

81L80: i can has pRty!!1!
81L80: kthxby
phr0d0: i can has qi8 lif?
6&lf: no
s4m: i can has lvs?
6&lf: k ttyl

4r460rn: o hai
4r460rn: ping 6&lf
6&lf: [AFK]
nz6L: i can has ring?
phr0d0: i is stabid
Rw3n: hai

Lr0nD: i can has council
80r0mr: gndr can has ring?
6&lf: no.
6&lf: ring is teh bad.
Lr0nD: go break ring b4 we get pwned
phr0d0: kbye

P1P&: i in ur m0r14 dropin ur stonz
84lrg: hai 6&lf
6&lf: o hai
phr0d0: DNFTT!
6&lf: bye

G4l4dr3L: o hai
G4l4dr3L: ping 6&lf
6&lf: [AFK]
phr0d0: u want ring?
G4l4dr3L: nthx
G4l4dr3L: u can has prezents
61ml1: i can has hair?
G4l4dr3L: k
phr0d0: kbye

80r0mr: i can has ring?
phr0d0: no
phr0d0: bye

s4m: i can come?
phr0d0: k

rx: uruk hai*
80r0mr: i is stabid
80r0mr: \a
80r0mr: bye
MRY: i m pwned!
P1P&: me2

-----
* thx Neil

4r460rn: o hai
30m1r: hai
4r460rn: i can has frendz?
30mir: ded
30mir: u can has hrses
4r460rn: kthxbye
30mir: bye

rk: i can has leg?
P1P&: no
P1p&: bye
MRY: bye
Treebeard: Hello.
MRY: hai
P1P&: hai
Treebeard: What are you doing here?
P1P&: we're in ur forest bein ur frends
Treebeard: What odd creatures you are, to be sure.
Treebeard: Hoom.
MRY: R we frendz?
Treebeard: You are very hasty.
Treebeard: I think we need to talk.
P1P&: k

6&lf: o hai
4r460rn: OMG WTF??!?
61ml1: me2
L36ol45: me3
G&lf: ping Th30dn
Th30dn: [no reply]
Wrmtng: im in ur hall controlin ur king
G&lf: gway
Wrmtng: kbye
G&lf: ping Th30dn
Th30dn: ohai thx
G&lf: ttyl

30wyn: i can has 4r460rn?
4r460rn: no
rx: im in ur h3lmz d33p sloterin ur d00dz
G&lf: ohai
rx: i is stabit

G&lf: ohai
MRY: hai
G1ml1: i can has pipeweed?
P1P&: k
S4R-m4n: ttyl
P1P&: i can has shiny rock?
G&lf: no
G&lf: shiny rock is teh bad.
P1P&: i in ur bedrool steelin ur rox
P1P&: o no shiny rok is teh bad.
G&lf: :rolleyes:

phr0d0: im in ur mountains climin ur rox
60lm: i can has ring? preshz?
s4m: no
s4m: 60lm is teh bad
phr0d0: r we frendz?
60lm: k
s4m: 3l3phants! LOL!
f4r4m1r: ohai
f4r4m1r: i can has ring?
phr0d0: no
phr0d0: ring is teh bad
60lm: i can has fish?
f4r4m1r: no
f4r4m1r: ttyl

5h3l0b: I CAN HAS MEAT?
s4m: no
5h3l0b: I IS STABID
s4m: i can has ring
sh4gr4t: i can has hobbit

(Category: villanelle pastiches I won't be completing anytime soon)

IM IN UR WEELBARRO
EATIN UR CHIKKENS

HEI LOOK A WADDERS!
FROGGEH BE JUMPIN INXORS
MAKIN SWEET SOUND LOLZ

and

"Tatha, tatha-ta, tatha-agaLOLZ" - Buddha Kitteh

...which of course makes me think of the Smokey the Bear Sutra.

o hai, Is a noob
Ur not on Utube?
k, b frienz.
oh noes! demographik trenz.

Can has linkz? cuz
I has a blog!
fillin up LJ
is teh slog.

d3n37h0r: ohai
6&lf: hai
MRY: im in ur city pledgin ur oathz
6&lf: :rolleyes:

30wyn: now i can has 4r460rn?
4r460rn: no
30wyn: kbye

30wyn: i can has battle?
Th30dn: no
30wyn: :-(
P1P&: i can has battle?
Th30dn: no
P1P&: :-(

4r460rn: im in ur dedpathz askin ur help
ded: k

nzgl: we on ur plen besegin ur city
6&lf: ohai
Th30dn: hai
Th30dn: i is stabid
nzgl: i can has victim?
drnhlm: no
nzgl: im an admin
nzgl: /kill drnhlm
30wyn: i wuz sockpuppet
nzgl: i is stabid

4r460rn: im in ur city bein sekritiv
4r460rn: don tell
4r460rn: i can has kngzfoil?
4r460rn: kthxbye

f4r4m1r: ohai
30wyn: hai
f4r4m1r: LOL
30wyn: LOLz

6&lf: im at ur blak get massin my armey
mouth: I HAV CLOTHZ
mouth: LOL
6&lf: :-(
mouth: KBYE

phr0d0: ohai
s4m: ohai
phr0d0: i can have ring?
s4m: k
phr0d0: im in ur wasteland sneakin around
60lm: i can have ring nou?
phr0d0: no
phr0d0: ALL UR MIDL ERTH ARE BELONG TO US
60lm: i can have finger
60lm: i is burnid

44r460rn: im in ur city bein ur king
44r460rn: i can have Rw3n
44r460rn: LOLz

S4R-m4n: im un ur Shire doin my harrowin
phr0d0: ohai
phr0d0: gway
S4R-m4n: kbye
S4R-m4n: i am stabid

s4m: i can have red book
s4m: i can have Bag End
s4m: w00t
phr0d0: kbye
s4m: kthxbye

c0$t3110: ping 1st
$880tt: WTF?
c0$t3110: WTF b 2nd
$880tt: IDK
c0$t3110: IDK r 3rd
$880tt: OMGWTFRUTA?
c0$t3110: OMGWTFRUTA r ur shrtstp

Bruce Cohen @ 49: Oh. My. God. Brilliant.

(So are all the others, but that one really got to me.)

ROTFLMAO. Of course Treebeard doesn't text! Question: is 1 ringtone enough to rule them all?

IM IN UR SATIRE
EATIN UR KIDZ

...

Had to delurk for this. O NOES, IRRESISTIBLE CONTEST!

i haz a muse! Achilles-greek is aggressive

Lr0nD: i can has council
80r0mr: gndr can has ring?
6&lf: stfu n00b
6&lf: ring is teh bad.
Lr0nD: go break ring b4 we get pwned
phr0d0: kbye

Also: this.

No, hey, I plead innocent. I'm warning. Go lol anything else in the library. Do lolmagnificats and lolrequiems and lolsimovs all you want. I'm just suggesting that Emiloly's are a little too easy.

Note that when I did this, or even (in another thread) that, I didn't link directly to the texts. Even the YouTube link is merely to a nifty rock song that quotes 288(1).

I'm not making anyone go to their bookshelves. And I myself am resisting the tempta...

Bird can has fame?
Has bitez,
Has mitez,
oh noes, flitz.

-------
(1) and isn't the intarweb wonderful? I'd finished lol288 and was wondering "what kind of spoken-word versions of ED exist?" And there they were, including said Nano-man song.

I can has sun?
Invisible data
I can has starz?
Invisible data
I can has galaksiez?
Invisible data
I can has visible data?
Iz waiting
We can has visible data?
B visible light
kthxbye

> i is king.
> i can has sanwich.
> i is king & i is hungry.
> ping brother richard
> [AFK]

> i can has kipr from brkfst?
> i can has cold kfc, k?
> i is king
> i can has sanwich.

> why ur in my country fitin?
> were in tewx.
> no mustard!
> o noes!
> ping brother richard
> [AFK]

> tuna pasta?
> stfu
> i can has bacon?
> blt?
> i is king.
> i can has sanwich.

> WTF?
> woodvilles in pantry?
> clarence is drinkin my boozes?
> ping brother richard.
> [AFK]

> i is king
> know how 2 run things
> so wtf is with this place?
> i is king
> i can has sanwich
> ping brother richard
> [AFK]

Congratulations, you have won an Internet. Please collect your Internet from the collection of Internets promptly. If delivery is requested, your Internet will be processed via tubes and can be picked up at your local Internet depot between the hours of nine and three on weekdays and nine and noon on Caturday.

Heee.

l00k: i h8n thiz dezert
rtodeto: w00t! (plaz pr0n)
l00k: WTF wuz dat?
see3poh: was wut?
l00k: plai it agen
see3poh: he sayz it pr0n beelonz 2 ohB1can0B.

l00k: ping rtodeto
...
l00k: ping rtodeto
...
l00k: WTF????
l00k: ping see3poh
see3poh: o hai
l00k: WTF rtodeto?
see3poh: rtodeto plaz pr0n ohB1can0B. go baibai.
l00k: $%(*%$(*%#$*

l00k: ping rtodeto
s&ppl: hai n00b
l00k: i b stabid
s&ppl: pwnd

ohB1can0B: kekekeke
s&ppl: KTHXBAI
l00k: LTNS
s&ppl: i b ded
rtodeto: w00t
l00k: diz droyd saz b ur pr0n droyd.
ohB1can0B: i not has pr0n droyd.

rtodeto: w00t
pr!nsxlaeh: i r in truble, ohB1. plz hlp.

l00k: wtf?
ohB1can0B: n00b, u need b l337.
ohB1can0B: ur fatherz liet saibur.
l00k: i can has liet saibur?
ohB1can0B: yes. u b 1337?
l00k: i nos 1337. iz n00b.

st0rmtruperz: pwnd
nklb3n: i b stabid
st0rmtruperz: pwnd
&roo: i b stabid

l00k: WTF? i n33d be 1337.
l00k: u can maik 1337?
ohB1can0B: yes

ohB1can0B: u can flai us 2 alder&?
h1$0!0: i r in ur p0rt, flyin ur a$$
ohB1can0B: kai
choobahkha: woot!
h1$0!0: i can has munee?
ohB1can0B: sum.
h1$0!0: kthxbai

gr33d0w: hai h1$0!0
h1$0!0: i pai jawbaw
gr33d0w: 2 l8. i r in ur cantina,
gr33d0w: collecting ur a$$
h1$0!0: pwnd
gr33d0w: i b stabbid

drthv8or: i can has pr0n droyd?
pr!nsxlaeh: ESAD
drthv8or: all ur base r belong to us
drthv8or: pwnd
allder&: i b stabbid

ohB1can0B: WTF?
l00k: huh?
ohB1can0B: sum1 waz just stabbid
h1$0!0: alder& was pwnd
l00k: l00k @ da m00n
ohB1can0B: daz no m00n.
h1$0!0: wee b pwnd.

ohB1can0B: i b in ur base,
ohB1can0B: turnin off ur trakt0r b34m.
l00k: i b in ur base,
l00k: reskyouin ur pr!nsx
h1$0!0: i b in ur base,
h1$0!0: koelektin mai reward.
pr!nsxlaeh: diz b a reskyou?
l00k: yes
pr!nsxlaeh: kai
choobahkha: woot!
rtodeto: w00t!
see3poh: STFU!

drthv8or: u r in mai base, gettin pwnd
ohB1can0B: n33n3r
drthv8or: pwnd
ohB1can0B: kaithxbai

h1$0!0: kaithxbai
pr!nsxlaeh: kaithxbai
l00k: kaithxbai

pr!nsxlaeh: i b in ur base wit dis pr0n droyd
jennrul: i can has planz
pr!nsxlaeh: yes
jennrul: kai

l00k: i r in ur d34th stR, torp33d0n ur vent
drthv8or: da f0rs b 1337 wit dis 1
l00k: ooop
h1$0!0: pwnd drthv8or
drthv8or: i b stabbit
l00k: i r in ur d34th stR, torp33d0n ur vent
l00k: pwnd
d34thstR: i b stabbit

l00k: woot
pr!nsxlaeh: woot
h1$0!0: woot
choobahkha: woot
rtodeto: w00t!
see3poh: STFU!

The Murders in the Rue Morgue

The Tell-Tale Heart

A Cask of Amontillado

Tiny flashing lights
Outside the moving glass door.
Ouch! I banged my head!

Luke: INVISIBLE HAND

Even without a kitty, it makes me laugh and laugh.

I mean, pwned.

http://pics.livejournal.com/nightengale/pic/002t23bz

(Hom3R: IM IN UR CLASSICZ, RES IN UR MEDIA
H0M3R: I can has a Mus3?
Mus3: k
H0M3R: I can has song?
Mus3: k
Mus3: im in ur prolog singin ur rage
Hom3R: kthxbai)

kr1sez: I can has daghter?
4gmmnn: n
kr1sez: I can has daghter?
Ap0110: k
Ap0110: im in ur campmint plagin ur soljers
4gmmnn: WTF!?!1?/
Ak1ll3z: LOLz 4gmmnn iz pwn3d
4gmmnn: n STFU yr stuppid
4gmmnn: all ur |3r1s31s R blong 2 me LOLz
Ak1ll3z: WTF scru u guyz im goin home
th3t1s: hai
Ak1ll3z: o hai
Ak1ll3z: I can has vengenz?
th3t1s: ill ask lolz
th3t1s: hai
Z3us: o hai
th3t1s: he can has vengenz?
Z3us: ...
th3t1s: hry up
Z3us: k
th3t1s: kthxbai

m3n3lace: im in ur fild a battel challengin ur hnr
p4r1s: im luvr not fghtr
6tor: whatevs *push*
4fr0d13ti: OH NOES THEY BE KILLIN MY HEROES
h3l3n: losr
p4r1s: cmere bebeh
h3l3n: k

(h0m3R: IM IN UR EPIC GIVEN UR BACKSTORY
p4r1s: o hai
m3n3lace: hai
p4r1s: I can has yr wife?
p4r1s: kthxbai
m3n3lace: dubble-tee effffffffffff!!!!!!11
h0m3r: k don now)

D10m3dz: IM IN UR WAR SLAGHTRIN UR TROJANS
P4nd4ruZ: I is stabid!
43n34s: I 2 is stabid!
4fr0d13ti: I 3 is stabid!
4r3z: WTF! I 4 is stabid!
D10m3dz: i am teh awesome

6tor: p4r1s is teh lamz0r
h3l3n: word
p4r1s: word

m3ch4-andr0: im in ur troy nursin ur baybee
6tor: o hai
m3ch4-andr0: yll be pwnz0r3d
6tor: yeh pm

As a new contribution:

I'z in ur crypt, fakin mah deth!

O noes! U r ded!
I killz mahself.

Lolz! I wuz fakin!
O noes! U r ded!
U haz a flavor?
No, u no haz flavor.
I b steelin ur daggur!

O noes! They r ded!

BTW, have you seen Geoffrey Chaucer Hath a Blog's contributions: I can hath cheezburger?

---

this is like a disease; send help!

Forget Crlin/Chrl@ (I had a colleague named Caroline Lucas once). I can't believe I put K17y instead of Lyd14!

As Fragano says in 133, I can't seem to keep interchangeable minor characters* apart.

-----
* yes, though she has major effects on the plot, Lydia is a minor character.

There was a glaring hole though in the material posted so here's my attempt at adding stopping that up.

The Lolz Prayer

o hai
ur in ma ceiling awsumin ur namez
ur base owns
ur hackin's l33t
on ma client and ur server
I can has cheezburger plz?
r-vwl s plz?
n w re-vowel d00dz
temptin? DO NOT WANT!
u pwn ebil
coz u win teh internetz
kthxbye

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2007/06/01/cat_privacy_google/

Abi, Crlin -> Chrltt, kthxbai.

i bad
lolz

***********

This is a disease; I've watched my AIM conversations slowly degenerate the more posts I read.... Clearly the only cure is to get it out of our systems!

**********

To His C0y Mistre55

If only wuz more time in day
I wud chase mouzes, catch and play
Wit dem and bring u guts and hedz,
And humanz could stay more in bedz
I wud not care u close ur door
I got ur tower to explore
An ur like omg, drive fixd!
An mebbe later I's Meow Mixd.
That be kewl and we wud chill
You at desk, me windowsill.
But noes! no time! So much to do
An thaz y I be botherin u
Feed the cat and no more snooze!
Or I try worms and puke ur shoez
Plz work wit kitty to get done
Important stuffs for Number One.
Desk is fine for workin place
But pay more love to kittyface.
Is time to tackle yarn and all!
An yarn and kitty be one ball
An u untangle cuz u in my power
Then ur houseplants I devour
You be mad but I have fun!
So halp wit mine cuz u got none
Ur own, u starin at ur comp
Just makin light of kitty romp
Them no want ur n00by rime
Kitty deserve all ur time.

Patrick's right, #96 pwns too.

#103: Howard, your LOLbeatz have me all squeaking with delight. Especially the first one.

#111 Pangur Ban!! Nice, Eimear!

#117 Howard, that got a loud shriek.

And Abi, #156 is pure gold. Himself would be pointing it out to me in that offhand tone that meant he was tickled by something.

Ajay: Yup. Just so.

On a related note, I was directed to a page of Lolitas yesterday and was somewhat surprised to see that none of them were saying "I CN HAZ LIPSTIX?"

oh noes! u ses cat splode wit fries!
u tells: eat mice!
cat knows a flavor of desirez
and hungry cat so fond of fries...
but if mousburger has a spice
or fries all eated, bucket lost,
ur feebl offring may suffice--
is can be tossed?
k thx byes.

Thank you - I was somewhat afraid of posting #156, though I learned a lot about the original when composing it. I'm glad I didn't tread on any toes.

Boy, am I feeling old!

vorga! i pwn u filthy!

It's
> ping brother richard
> [AFK]
that slew me utterly, by the way. Oh, the whole thing pwnz0red, yes, but that's where I lost it, and each repetition sent the glee mounting higher.

An interesting exercise, perhaps worth repeating (privately, natch) in other situations.

i iz square root 1

Greg London @ 129 and 131: I'm still giggling 30 minutes later.

Xopher @ 151: just lovely

V: kthxbai
E: pwnd!
V: WTF??
E: We iz by ur tree, w8n 4 G0D07

p0p3: Lebensraum! Wehrmacht! Horst Wessel!
z0f3r: pwnd! lolz
p0p3: Schneeverhältnisse! Bleistiftspitzmachine!
z0f3r: du k4nn5t m1ch m4l.

ROFLMAO!

I love this place!

Lwaxana:
I can has moar?

Picard:
1n f41th, I can has no luv 4 u w/ mi 3y3z
Them in u 1000 3RR0Rz si
but iz mi HEART what luvz what them dispiz
1n dispit of vyu 2 doat
Canz I cmparz u 2 smmr day?

Lwaxana:
I can has moar?

Picard:
Kthxbai

an for all cats, ur naturz never spent;
there lives ur dearest kittens in yr thangs
an tho yr last black cats haz all west went
oh, mornin, as ur brown cats eastward sprangs --
becoz ur kittens over teh bent
world broods wit warm cats an wit ah! brite fangs

I still think the invisible pastiche is golden. Short, to the point, and a perfect blending of lol and light memes.

Now will somebody tell me the source of it?

Emily Dickinson.

byez

have never had such a good time while simultaneously being made to feel really stupid by so many cool people.

One thing I love about Making Light is that I am reliably not the smartest person in the discussion. Nor the most well read, nor the best arguer, nor the best writer.

The challenge keeps me sharp, and the other people here have the capacity to surprise me, over and over again. This is fun.

Agreed. Being here stretches me in a lot of ways; I like that. It's very much like when I was a kid and hung around with older kids as much as I could. What better way to learn?

wen i wur n00b i nvr b33n
liek othr d00ds, i nvr s33n
liek othrs sawd, i cdn't br1ng
mi p4ssuns frum 4 cmmun spryng
frum teh s4ym sors i nvr t4ykn
mi :'[ & 1 cud not 4w4kun
mi hart 2 j0y @ teh saym t0n3
& 4ll 1 luvd 1 lud 4l0n3
den, n mi chyldhud, in teh d4wn
f 4 m0st st0rmi lyf wuz dr4wn
frum evry d3pth f gud & ll
teh mstri whut bnds mi stll
frum teh torrnt r teh fowntn
frum teh rd clffs f teh mowntn
frum teh suyn whut rownd mi rlld
n itz otum tnt f gld
frum teh litning n teh sky
s it pazd mi flyn bi
frum teh thndr & teh strm
& teh clowd whut tuk teh frm
wen teh rst f Hven wuz blu
f a d3mn n mi vew-

WOO
vase ftw

And then you can run the pastiche either way -- you can pastiche LOLcats with literary themes, or you can pastiche literature with LOLcat themes. And all the other combinations are just as switchable.

Theoretically, it ought to be possible to post an entry that breaks the rules. Before I posted the James Weldon Johnson/LOLcat mashup in 225, I drafted a LOLspeak version of Langston Hughes's "A Dream Deferred" that I decided did not work. (It seemed disrespectful, and was neither funny nor charming. Or maybe it's just me -- surviving a race riot has a way of sanctifying that particular poem.)

Has anyone else written something for this thread that seemed wrong? I'd be curious as to where the boundaries lie.

...no, I can't go on.

also known as 288, thus.

But I still think Emiloling is bad, other than what you've already got memorized. If you look more of them up, then 4vr will t domn8 yr memorE.

Do you want to be seeing
"Im in ur hurtz, sweepin ur luv"?
No.

"LOLZBUD"

1N UR X4N4D00Z, PWN UR SN06L0BZ

NEWZM4RCH

7H47CHER: 1N UR FL4SHB4X
END0R4 P4CK1N UR TRUNK

B3RN5T31N: 1N UR FL4SHB4X
5CR1BBL1N UR PR1NC1PL3Z

L3L4ND: 1N UR FL4SHB4X
1N UR N071CE, F1N1SH1N UR P4N

5UZY: 1N UR FL4SHB4X
5CR33CH1N UR OP3R4
DO1N UR PUZLS

1N UR FURNACE, BURN1N UR SLEDZ

LOLZBUD

I think I'll stick to the classics.

i tiny kittee not veri tal
bitin ur nekaps off if i mai
clim up a tree an on ur hed fal
i can has brains?

member before-tym i was alaiv
lying in sunshine all dai
eten da kat fud when it ariv
i can has brains?

movin so slow 2 make u feel saif
m just a kittee don run awai
put out sum milk fur pur litl wafe
i can has brains?

time fur da pouncin then i mov fazt!
betr than katnip now i kan plai...
big meatie human i make u last.
i can has brains!

it may be time for me to go to bed...

Kathryn 231 - I did start trying something like "deth has a carriage" but it just wouldn't quite work. (Which, incidentally, is the one I always associate with the Gilligan's Island theme. And now I'll have that stuck in my head for the rest of the night...)

999: we jerkz!
Sol: n00 that!
Tman: here
me: k

999: what u wearng?
me: ignore 999
me: oops.
Tman: here

me: Tman, tx for $ Sat
999: u whore!
Tman: here
me: (hugz Tman)

me: hanging up, cul8r Tman
999: u laf @ me?
me: hanged. bbl.
Tman: still here

Oh, yes.

Oh, you mean something that I didn't post? Sorry, I'm pretty tasteless.

Tryin again:

nos m& iz il&, ntr uv izelf
evree m& iz p33z uv kontinent, iz paht uv maihn.
if n00b B wahst awai bai c, intrntz b (less) az wull az if 1337 wur, az wull as if hax0r wur.
evree m& pwndz --me, bcz i b in intrntz.
thair4, nvr ping 2 nos 4 huum d 0x7 tolz,
it tolz 4 u

abi, i *heart* zombiekitteh.

Kathryn, here's another for you:
Emiloly to Deth: im in ur carrige wearin tulle. can has go faster? emilycatz iz board.

I think one reason that Emiloly is such a wrong, wrong concept, is that ED's poetry explores themes that cats mainly don't bother thinking about.

I mean, "Pain has an element of blank" pretty much lolcats down to

HURT KITTEH IS HURTIN
DO NOT WANT!

And as far as kittens are concerned, hope was the thing with feathers, and it was tasty.

Ah well, I had just realized we were missing zombies when I read zombiekitteh. And I tried, but I'm stumped at finding anything else for zombies to do. Maybe tomorrow. In the meantime: you do really nice work. Were you a cat in your last life? And a zombie cat in between that one and this?

and abi: *bows down before zombiekitteh*

t3ucer: o hai I arrow3d ur troaj4nz
troaj4nz: ARROWED!
t3ucer: o noes! i is stabid
6tor: lolz
6tor: kthxbai

Ak1ll3z: im in MY tent NOT winin ur batt3lz
0dyzZeu5: pls?
Ak1ll3z: n
0dyzZeu5: pls?
Ak1ll3z: N
0dyzZeu5: pls?
Ak1ll3z: N!!!!1!
f3n1x: pls?
Ak1ll3z: stubborncat sez
Ak1ll3z: NO
0dyzZeu5: kthxbai

0dyzZeu5: im in ur b3drollz recconasizin ur forsez
D0l0n: i made u a recon
D0l0n: but i got caughtid
D10m3dz: im in ur chariot stealin ur horsez
D10m3dz: lolz
D10m3dz: kthxbai
0dyzZeu5: kthxbai

Z3us: IM IN UR HEAVVINS RAININ DOWN BLUUD
4chaeans: oh noes!
N3stor: i can has an Ak1ll3z?
Ak1ll3z: n!
N3stor: i can has a patroklutz?
Ak1ll3z: k
N3stor: kthxbai
patroklutz: i can has yr armr?
Ak1ll3z: k
patroklutz: i can has ur spr?
Ak1ll3z: n
Ak1ll3z: lolz
Ak1ll3z: srsly that be mah pns
Ak1ll3z: u cldnt hndl
patroklutz: i can has myrmd0nz?
Ak1ll3z: k
patroklutz: kthxbai

patroklutz: IM IN UR ARMR SLAYIN UR FOEZ
4chaeans: w00t!
troaj4nz: OH NOES!
troaj4nz: i made u a sally
troaj4nz: but i retreated it
patroklutz: i is stabid!
6tor: LOLZ Ak1ll3z are PWNZ0r3d
patroklutz: STFU i not Ak1ll3z
6tor: f8ck

oh hai
you had some plums
but I eated them
I is sorry

they had a flavor

...upon which she said, "I'm sure someone has already written that one, but it delights me nonetheless that you were able to come up with it off the top of your head." And indeed, someone has already written it. But it seemed different enough to make it not entirely ridiculous for me to post mine as well.

(Hope this doesn't get eaten by the spamcatcher for excessive linkage)

im in ur h4d
r4nt1n ur sp4c3

came to mind. As that was the opposite of what this thread seemed to be for, I promptly forgot it in favour of other things.

I'm trying to write the scene where Achilles finds out Patroclus has been killed, and it feels very wrong to play it for laughs. Also troubling me is the mutilation of Hector's body, and Priam's retrieval. We'll see how it goes.

Multiple versions are welcome. Since when did cats "do" consensus?

That was part of the point in doing i is king i can has sanwich, which is a quietly, deeply lonely. And zombiekitteh is pathetic and grievous as well, at least in parts.

I think the trick with it is to leave gaps through which the sadness shows. It's a dialect that is at least as much about what you don't say as what you do.

And I love "6tor". Well translated.

Oh, good. I came up with it and thought, "Hah HAH! I am so clever"* and then immediately after clicking post I decided it was stupid. I've been wincing a little inside everytime I type it. But now I feel better about it.

You've inspired me to give it another try. We'll see what happens.

*or, possibly, "LOLZ! i am teh cleverz"

6tor: i can has armr?
6tor: kthxbai

Ak1ll3z: OH NOES THEY GON KILLD MAH FREND!
th3t1s: o hai
Ak1ll3z: OH NOES THEY GON KILLD MAH FREND!
th3t1s: wtf?
Ak1ll3z: THEY GON KILLD MAH FREND!
th3t1s: n wai
Ak1ll3z: WAI
Ak1ll3z: GON KILLD MAH FREND
th3t1s: fatecat sez
th3t1s: vengeanz gonna pwnz0r u
Ak1ll3z: DOAN CARE
Ak1ll3z: KILLD MAH FREND
th3t1s:
th3t1s: k
th3t1s: bai
Ak1ll3z: killd mah frend

th3t1s: i can has armr?
h3faustus: k
th3t1s: i can has shld?
h3faustus: FOR UR SOUL
th3t1s:
h3faustus: er MY SOUL
th3t1s:
h3faustus: j/k
h3faustus: u can has
h3faustus: lolz
th3t1s:
th3t1s: kthxbai

(H0m3R: shld blah blah blah earth heaven sea blah blah citeez blah blah armeez blah blah harvestin blah lion blah dancin
H0m3R: SHLD'S SYMBOLIC K?)

th3t1s: o hai
th3t1s: i upgraded ur armr
th3t1s: wile u wer out
Ak1ll3z: MAH FREND IZ GON
Ak1ll3z: I MOURNZ 'IM
Ak1ll3z: is it can be fght tiem now?
0dyzZeu5: n
0dyzZeu5: brekkiez has a flavor
Ak1ll3z: DO NOT WANT
4+H3|\|4: im in ur belleh feedin u ambrosahs n nekterz
Ak1ll3z: is it can be fght tiem now?
0dyzZeu5: k

Ak1ll3z: IM IN UR RANKZ N FILEZ WHUPPIN UR ASSeZ
troaj4nz: OH NOES!!1!
43n34s: *Ap0110 EX MACHINAED*
(H0m3R: got own epic
H0m3R: cant kill
H0m3R: lolz)
Ifishun: I is stabid!
D3moleon: I is stabid!
Hippod4maZ: I is stabid!
Polyd0rus: I is stabid in teh navel! LOLz
6tor: WTF bruthuh ded?
6tor: Ak1ll3z
6tor: i be challenjin ur authori-TAY
Ak1ll3z: i can has vengeanz?
Ap0110: stpd troaj4nz
Ap0110: alwys nedd butt savin
Ak1ll3z: =(
Ak1ll3z: moar stabby tiem
Dry0ps: I is stabid!
Demouchus: I is stabid!
Lao6onus+Dard4nus: we is stabid TWICE!
Tr05: i can has merci?
Ak1ll3z: MAH FREND CAN HAS MERCI?
TRo5: I is stabid
Mul1us: also stabid
Echeclus: me 2
D3uc4lion: I is ok!
D3uc4lion: opps nm
Rh1gmus: GETIN OLD SRSLY (i is stabid)
troaj4nz: all is stabid
troaj4nz: sorelsrcat sez
troaj4nz: no fayr

Well done. Particularly the SHOUTIN IN KAPZ for the r4th.

You're on a roll.

"r4th"?
hmm.
*checks upthread*
I totally missed that one.
*steals*
kthxbai!

a3n34s: i not stabid
a3n34s: i kum bak 4 sql
(H0m3R: i n33d kopyrite lawyr)

Thank you for that. Thank you and everyone who got it before I did for not explaining it, which would have denied me that sublime moment.

"LOLZ! i am teh cleverz"

Oh, indeed you are. I almost fell over when I read '6tor'; it so perfectly exemplifies* the intersection of cleverness, silliness, and drama of cats.

* Help! I'm stuck on the horns of the Dilemma of Deconstruction! umm ... make that "O noes! pomposity!"

v3rg3: o hai i upgraded ur epic

LolPython that runs.

No can has gun
Noose is made of lose
Gas has a flavor: DO NOT WANT!
I aten't dead yet!

Not perfect, but I thought I'd try.

Okay, here's the one I didn't post:

WTF dr33m?
It can has raisin?
It have a sore.
It can has candy?
It have a stink.
Enh-- Enh--
O noes!
It asplode.

[Also, bonus LOLWCW.]

Now that one may be over the line.

LOLz, is stupid stuf
Fud gone
Kthx
Beer gone
Ur pome suxxorz
My tummy hurtz
Cow be stabid
Cow head iz sleepin
O noes my turn now
Im in ur t00nz killin ur cow
Im in ur rime
Killin ur ladz
Do not want!
U bring cat toys now

Cheezburger! Cheezburger!
Arishem Shoebox Cat,
Caturday evriday,
Up in teh sky.

"I'm in ur afterlife
Keepin ur shoebox warm.
I can has cheezburger?
Plzkthxbai!"

"Heer kitteh!" tehy callin out but wee ignorz em
So dey goez to run fetchn aroes to pley.
Hir shoez haz a flava, dey happi 2 tel us
But not toona flava. We eetz dat? Noe wai!

"Heer kitteh kitteh!" stil stoopidz cant find hir
2 jumpz on hir lapz? course she do not want dat!
Teh nex tihng u noe dey lite themselfs on fier
2 get hir attenshun! we all laffin catz.

(chorus from "Catalanta" with a dash of Herodotus)

> Device: HAI! I R IN YR BUS!
> Driver: OH HAI!
> Device: GIMME 128 M.
> Driver: LOL! SEC!
> Driver (to OS): HAI! GIMME 128M!
> OS: LOL! SEC!
> OS (to app): HAI! ALL YR RAM BELONG TO OS!
> App: WAI! I R SWAPPED OUT!
> OS (to driver): LOL! 128M BELONG TO YOU!
> Driver (to OS): KTHXBYE!
> Driver (te device): LOL! 128M BELONG TO US!
> Device: KTHXBYE!

The response was:

> This is the beginning of the end.

Ain't y'all PROUD?

Lyc40n: i can has rnsm?
Ak1ll3z: MAH FREIND CAN HAS RNSM?
Lyc40n: stabid
*paeus: stabid
#erous troaj4nz: stabid
Ak1ll3z: IM IN UR RIVAH FILLIN IT WIF BODEEZ
X4nthus: wtf that be mah rivah
Ak1ll3z: uh oes
h3faustus: IM IN UR PLEINZ BOILIN UR RIVAH
h3faustus: MWA HA HA HA HA
X4nthus: SUXORZ

GAWDZ: WER IN UR SKIEZ HAVIN OUR TIFFS
4fr0d13ti: ow! luvr not fghtr!
4r3s: ow!
4r3s: wtf I be w4r g0D n stuf
4+H3|\|4: lolz
P0sse1D0N: thro down Ap0110
Ap0110: y? they be jst mrtlz

troaj4nz: i made u a spree d corpse
troaj4nz: but i bleded it
0pt1musPr14m: OH NOES THEY BE PWNIN MAH SOLJERS
0pt1musPr14m: open teh gatez!
troaj4nz: RUN AWAYED!
0pt1musPr14m: cloaz teh gatez!
6tor: f8ck
0pt1musPr14m: oopz
Ak1ll3z: o hai 6tor
Ak1ll3z: I CAN HAS A VENJEANZ?
4chaeans: bullycat sez
4chaeans: 6tor runz like gurl
4+H3|\|4: im in ur teem culurz givvin u bad adviz
6tor: k letz fght
Ak1ll3z: LOLZ
6tor: back me up d00d
4+H3|\|4: INVIZIBLE ALLY
6tor: F*CK
6tor: o
6tor: i iz stabid
6tor: famlee can has teh bodie?
Ak1ll3z: NEVER
Ak1ll3z: I PWN U FILTHY
Ak1ll3z: u be draggt thru teh dust
Ak1ll3z: u be etin by wild packa famly dogs
Ak1ll3z: I PWN U FILHTY
4chaeans: w00t!
6tor: I iz stabid
6tor: I iz stabid
6tor: I iz stabid agin
0pt1musPr14m: THEY BE KILLIN MAH BABEE BOY
6tor: I iz stabid
QweenH3kuB33: they be killin mah baybee!
6tor: I iz draggid awai
m3ch4-andr0: im on ur wallz watchin u die

Ak1ll3z: MAH FREND
Ak1ll3z: im in hiz funeral lightin hiz pyrE
Ak1ll3z: I MOURNZ IM
Ak1ll3z: i can has fnrl gamez
D10m3dz: CHARIOTED! lolz

Ak1ll3z: MAH FREIND
Ak1ll3z: AH STIL MOURNZ IM
Ak1ll3z: MAH ENMY
Ak1ll3z: AH MANGLEZ IM
Ap0110: im in ur corpse stavin off ur decompozin
Ap0110: srsly Z3us getn old!
Ap0110: tehy can has rnsm?
Z3us: k
Ap0110: kthxbai

0pt1musPr14m: i can has rnsm?
3AGLE: IM IN UR SKIEZ BEIN UR OMENZ
0pt1musPr14m: kthxbai

0pt1musPr14m: im in ur tent beggin ur merci
0pt1musPr14m: thnk uv ur own dad jst liek me
0pt1musPr14m: pls can has my baybee boy?
Ak1ll3z: manlycat sez
Ak1ll3z: is ok 2 cry
Ak1ll3z: mah everythin
Ak1ll3z: i mournz it
0pt1musPr14m: mah sunz
0pt1musPr14m: i mournz em
0pt1musPr14m: i can has 6tor?
Ak1ll3z: n
Ak1ll3z: fud has a flavr
(servintz: were in ur bakgrownd washin ur corpsez)
0pt1musPr14m: eatid
0pt1musPr14m: is it can be slep tiem now?
Ak1ll3z: k
Ak1ll3z: u can has ten dayz to mourn
0pt1musPr14m: thx
|-|erm3z: it gots 2 be go tiem now

0pt1musPr14m: open teh gatez!
WIMMIN: wer in ur proceshun doin ur grievin
troaj4nz: nine dayz of mournin
troaj4nz: one day of burnin
troaj4nz: 4 6tor taimer uf horsez

F3M4L3 L34D: I R IN UR HEART, DENYING UR LOVE!
M4L3 L34D: I R IN UR HEART, DENYING UR LOVE!
N4RR470R: PWN3D!

Abi's original LOLcat sonnet

4. ajay: Dunbar, Lament for the Makers
8. ajay: InfoCom Games/Dante, The Inferno
9. Jakob: Infocom Games/Dante, The Inferno
11. ajay: InfoCom Games/Dante, The Paradiso
13. Serge: original couplet
14. Garrett Fitzgerald: link to Tom Smith's Cat Macros, quoting first four lines
15. Fragano: Dunbar, Lament for the Makers
16. Fragano: original verse in dense l337
19/20. Mary Dell, Dan Layman-Kennedy: William Carlos Williams, "This is just to say" (cross-posted).
25. TexAnne, link: im in ur dezert makin u dispair
26. Howard Peirce: INVIZIBLE PASTICHE!
27. Larry Brennan: William Carlos Williams, "This is just to say"
28. Fragano: Geoffrey Chaucer, General Prologue
30. Natalie, link: 2001 just called. It wants its catchphrase back.
31. Neil Willcox: original haiku
34. Serge: Roses are red / Violets are blue ...
35. Mary Aileen: original poem, six elegant lines
37. Mary Dell: Carl Sandburg, "The fog comes in on little cat feet"
42. Mary Dell: original villanelle, "In ML games I'm mired"
44. Xopher: meta-haiku
47. Eric: hai, fanfic
49. Bruce Cohen: Cordwainer Smith, The Crime and the Glory of Commander Suzdal
50. Bruce Cohen: ADVENT
51. Fragano: hai, Dune
52. Abi: hai, Star Trek (Vulcans)
53. Bruce Cohen: ur DRM
55. Bruce Cohen: Morris Albert, Feelings
56. Dave Bell: ur put0r
57. Jon Meltzer: B. Kliban, Love to eat them mousies
58. Fragano: Dune, ur selamlik
59. Larry Brennan: hai Star Trek (Neutral Zone)
62. adamsj: Shelley, Ozymandias
63. Julie L.: ur Buffy, Season 2
64. Rebecca Borgstrom confuses me with a fine poem labeled "James Dobson" which riffs on a sonnet by Elinor Wylie. I'll figure it out any day now.
65. Mary Dell: ur slushpile
68. Julie L.: William Blake, The Tyger
70. Greg London: Edgar Allen Poe, The Raven
72. Kathryn from Sunnydale: Genesis 1-3:24
73. Nancy C.: Shakespeare, Hamlet's soliloquy
74. Tania: ur Lion Sleeps Tonight
75. Daniel Martin: Dr. Seuss, Green Eggs and Ham
77. Eric K.: Coleridge, Xanadu and commentary
78. Bruce Cohen: ur 8453, Attack of the Clones
79. Bruce Cohen: ur (453 (I'm otherwise stumped.)
80. Dave Luckett: I'm stumped. Suggestions?
83. Kate Salter Jackson: Eleanor Farjeon, Cats Sleep Anywhere
85. ajay: Shelley, Ozymandias
86. ajay: Genesis 25-32

i can has drssr av dl
(wun wid 3 nobs mssng)?
i can has silent n dm?
i can has b b nd av seem?
I can has emprr ice crm?
ktxbai

ohai
im in ma dialekt
subvertin ur poetikal formz
dis is n ezzay

i can has meter?
short linez, few feetz*
lik playin wiv short string
noe tangles, o noe!
bord now bai

i can has rhymes?
maybee sumtimez
rhymez need rulez
don like rulez**
refrigerator

i can has serious?
trajidy 4 lolcatz
is noe LOLz†
silentz has a flavor:
invisible meaning!

i can has funny?
course u can
LOLz
duh

okthxbai

-- (pawnotz) --

* kitteh linez short
human linez long
not enuf feet on legz
gotta put in poitry?
reazon bugzes write noe poems
n spiderz too

** less i makes 4 u 2 folow

† sadz inside
noe LOLz outside
kittehs is not clownz

(ah who'v daid* iz aliv agin 2dai
cuz 2daiz teh sonz bday--thisz b
daya life n love n wingz; n uv teh gai
great illimitbly hapnin cheezburger)

hau can flavrd feltd noizd (n)vizbled
sniffd (pasted frm teh NO
of all boring) kitteh mrly LOLin
dowbt unimagnibble U?

(now teh earz uv mah earz is awaked
n teh eyez uv mah eyez r LOLpened)

*zombie kitteh?

zombie kittieh is LOLzarus?

Chivez iz in my garden, takin over my peaz.
All my garden iz belong to chivez.
Clover iz in my garden, takin over my mint.
All my herbz is belong to w33dz.
I kan haz plants?

(Not nearly as impressive, I know, but I've never tried this before. I iz curious.)

Okay. Does he transform into a horse, or something?

o hai
jo en ur barco
i can has j00ls
n $$
bord now
afk sunb4thin

o hai
i in ur tramp st34m3r
i can has tr4sh
n d1rtz
(my chimnee iz pazsted on yey)
bord now
lol

I don't have a intarweb to give you, but you wins my heart with this one.

> im in ur wudz admirin ur snow
> kthxbye

But add any emotive component, and it works.

> im in ur lak isle
> growin my beanz
> peace has a flavor
> sweet lik huny

> noe im not
> im in da city
> o noes!

It's just not a very rich format. Thus, the value of silence. (I'm glad you liked that analysis, elise.)

I can has see more?
N
I can has touch these?
K
O noes!
Bref too short!

I'm under ur sky,
lookin' mah fill.

I can has touch sky?
O NOES!
I can has screamz

Infinity
iz not respectin
mah screamz
DO NOT WANT!
The definition of the Undefined iz here
pressin' on mah mind
O NOES!
Eternity has ticking!

I has a Universe cleft to the core
I can has probe Universe?
Teh Universe has a flavor
O NOES!
I can has omniscience?
O NOES! Hurt kitteh is hurtin!
I has infinite remorse of soul
DO NOT WANT!

I'm in ur sinning
pwning yr greed lust envious thrust

I'm in ur suffering
pwning yr death
I can has mourning?
kthx

LOLkitteh pwns man in Capri
hunger has a flavor

Fog bank pwns 2 shipz
O NOES!!1

Hurt kitteh is hurtin!
I'm in ur last breath
meetin ur cry
I iz compassion
Yr suffering
Ah pwnz it
I has a pity

Infinity has a weight
DO NOT WANT!
Sufferin kitteh is sufferin

I can has death?
N
I can has death pliz?
N
O NOES!!1 Earth opens!
Kitteh is underground
emitting tortured soul
I has a dust cloud

The earth haz a cool hand
Gladly dead kitteh is glad
I'm under ur pitying rain
lovin da sound
plz be respectin
mah peace and quiet

Can has kiss rain fingers?

Can has world again?

Can has new birth?
I has heavy rain! KTHX!!11!
Grave gone! kthxbai

Can has moar rain pliz?
Has rain!
Rain has a noize and a color
Mah grave
Ah does not mourn it

Gladkitteh is glad!

I'm tiptoe in ur grass
listenin to itz whisperin
Can has soul back?

Kitteh is alive again FTW
YAY!!!1

Hai God
I'm in ur grass
layin mah finger on ur heart

World has a width
Sky has height
Heart can has strength for push things apart
Soul can be splittin ur sky
Hai God
I'm under ur bifurcated sky
seein ur fac3
Rebornkitteh is reborn
pliz be respectin
mah tent-pole soul

LOOK

You see three long mountains and a wood.

TURN AROUND

You see three islands in a bay.

TRACE LINE OF HORIZON

You see three long mountains and a wood.

SEE MORE

You cannot see over these things.

TOUCH THESE THINGS

What, with your bare hand?

Y

You cannot quite touch these things.
Your breath comes short, and scarce at all.

LIE ON BACK

You lie upon your back.
You see the sky.

LOOK SKY

You look your fill into the sky.
The top of the sky is here.

LOOK TOP OF SKY

You see the top of the sky.
It is not so grand.

TOUCH SKY

You reach up your hand.
You feel your hand touch the sky.

SCREAM

You scream.
Infinity is here.
Infinity comes down and settles over you.
Infinity forces back your scream into your chest.
Infinity bends back your arm upon your breast.
The Undefined is here.
Immensity made manifold is here.

LOOK IMMENSITY MADE MANIFOLD

Like you have a choice?

LISTEN

You hear whispering.
Friendly Spheres are here.
You hear gossiping.
You hear creaking.
You hear ticking.

LISTEN TICKING

You hear the ticking of Eternity.
The Universe is here.

LOOK UNIVERSE

The Universe is cleft to the core.

PROBE UNIVERSE

Are you sure you want to do that?

PROBE UNIVERSE

You probe the universe.
You have omniscience.
You must pay the toll for omniscience.

WHY?

You must pay the toll for omniscience.

PAY TOLL

You have infinite remorse of soul.

INVENTORY

You have all sin.
You have all atoning.
You have the gall of all regret.
You have the weight of every brooded wrong.
You have the hate that stands behind each envious thrust.
You have every greed.
You have every lust.

MOURN

Mourn for whom?

MOURN FOR ALL

You mourn for all.
You see a man starving in Capri.
You see a great fog bank.
Two ships are here.

LOOK SHIPS

The two ships strike and sink.

SCREAM

You scream as with a thousand screams.

INVENTORY

You have hurt.
You have death.
You have each last breath.
You have compassion.
You have all suffering.
You have all suffering's rod.
You have pity.
Infinity is here.
Infinity presses down on you.
You suffer death.

DIE?

You cannot die.

DIE

You cannot die.
Time passes.

LIE ON BACK

You are already lying on your back.
The earth gives way beneath you.
You sink into the earth.

WHERE

You are six feet under ground.
You are lying on your back.
Your tortured soul is here.
A great weight leaves.
Your tortured soul bursts forth.

LOOK TORTURED SOUL

Your tortured soul has fled.
Dust is here.

LOOK DUST

Dust is swirling all about you.

REST

You rest deep in the earth.

DIE.

You are apparently already dead.
You are glad.
The pitying rain is here.

LISTEN RAIN

You hear each pattering hoof.
It has a friendly sound.

LOOK

You are in a grave.

WHO

You are here.
The pitying rain is here.
There is no one else here.

KISS FINGERS OF RAIN

You'd have to be alive to do that.

CRY OUT

To whom?

CRY OUT TO GOD

What do you want to cry out to God?

GIVE ME NEW BIRTH

Anything else?

AND PUT ME BACK UPON THE EARTH

Heavy rain pours down.
Your grave is washed away from you.
You are upon the earth.
You hear something.

LISTEN

You hear a sound as of some joyous elf singing sweet songs to please himself.

LOOK ELF

There is no elf here.

LOOK ELF

It's a simile, silly.
You feel a sense of glad awakening.
The grass is here.
The grass is whispering to you.
The rain is here.
An apple-tree is here.
Your soul is here.

BREATHE SOUL BACK IN

Do you know how such things can be?

N

OK. You breath your soul back into you.

SPRING UP

You spring up from the ground.

HAIL EARTH

You hail the earth with a glad cry.
You see someone here.

LOOK SOMEONE

Someone is disguised.

LOOK DISGUISE

The disguise is dark.

LOOK CAREFULLY DISGUISE

You penetrate the dark disguise.
You discern God's radiant identity.
God is here.

TOUCH GOD

You cannot touch God.

PUSH GRASS APART

You push the grass apart.
You lay your finger on God's heart.

LOOK E

The world stands out on this side.

LOOK W

The world stands out on this side too.

ESTIMATE WIDTH

Of what?

ESTIMATE WIDTH OF WORLD

The world is about as wide as the heart.

LOOK UP

The sky is here.

ESTIMATE HEIGHT OF SKY

The sky is about as high as the soul.

LOOK

You see the sea.
You see the land.
You see the sky.

PUSH SEA AND LAND APART

With what, your bare heart?

Y

You push the sea and land farther away on either hand.

SPLIT SKY

With what?

SPLIT SKY WITH SOUL

You split the sky in two with your soul.
God is here.
You see the face of God shine through.
East and West are still here.
The sky is still here.

INVENTORY

You have a soul.

LOOK SOUL

Your soul is not flat right now. Good thing, too.

Is there an original? If so, I really, really would like to know what it was.

hai
sum r 4 red wine
sum r 4 white
sum r 4 dncng in pl mnlght
i can has rum!

sum r 4 spnsh wine
sum r 4 frnch
sum r 4 t (nly 4 wnch)
i can has rum!

sum r 4 lilE
sum r 4 roze
i can has sgr cane in JMAkuh
i can has rum!

sum r 4 fidlz n sng
sum r 4 muzic
i can has rum!
i can has rum!

sum r 4 dncing n dice
sum r 4 kissz
i m 4 JMKuh brrl
i can has rum!

sum sz rum iz sin
sum sz rum iz bad
i can has inn
i can has rum!

sum r 4 suitz
sum r v bad
i likez drink
i can has rum!
bye

& bowl up sigh down
we stuck under
no can has it help
it no can do nothing

& bowl up sigh down
we stuck under
no can has it help
it no can do nothing

Oh. So that's how it's done. Magnificent, both of them, each in their own way.

I don't know why I didn't think of it before, but your pieces reminded me of a book by Douglas Hofstadter, "Le Ton Beau De Marot: In Praise of the Music of Language". It's an attempt to sneak up on the nature of translation, which turns out to be a very subtle and slippery concept. At the same time, it's an elegy for his wife, who died suddenly and unexpectedly.

The reminder is because those two translations, especially the second, are between very different domains and vocabularies, if not different languages, and yet they contain sentiments that parallel the original even though they are expressed differently, and even bring out flavors that aren't in the original, but would be in the target "language" (LOOK IMMENSITY MADE MANIFOLD / Like you have a choice?)

Thanks, you gave me quite a bit to think about there.

#79 is a reference to Charlie Stross' "Laundry" series. De-Leet the first line and it's obvious if you've read any of them.

thx Gawd v 2:

thx 2 U Gawd mostest 4 this amzin
macro 4 teh leapin spritz of INVISIBLE BIKE
teh tru blu dream of CEILING CAT n 4 evrythin
witchez natchrul witchez nfinite witchez LOLz

(ah who'v daid* iz aliv agin 2dai
cuz 2daiz teh sonz bday--thisz teh brth
daya life n laffs n lolz; n uv teh gai
great illimitbly hapnin cheezburger)

hau can flavrd feltd noizd (n)vizbled
sniffd (crt-ved frm teh 'eh'
of all boring) kitteh mrly LOLin
dowbt unimagnibble U?

(now teh earz uv mah earz is awaked
n teh eyez uv mah eyez r LOLpened)

*zombie kitteh?

...which is part of what made it satisfyingly chewy to do them simultaneously.

So was that little white rabbit in Monty Python and the Holy Grail before it started tearing the limbs off various Knights of the Round Table.

L10N: I is in ur living rm
pwnin yr living space

G1NSBRG: O NOES!!1!

ST3N06R4PHRS: We can has windowbangshutting

L10N: German stenograprs LOLz

G1NSBRG: *goes to Paterson*

G0ND0R14N5: *change calendar*

L10N: Wrong poem lus3rs. PWND!

G0ND0R14N5: *ignore L10N*

R31CH14N 4N4LY5T: *ignores G1NSBRG*

G1NSBRG: WTF? Hmpf!
I can has old boyfriend?
I'm in ur place
getting drunk wit u an ur grlfriend
I can has kiss? I has L10N!

0LD B0YFR13ND: MAH EYEBROW DOES NOT HAEV A FLAVOR

G1NSBRG: O YES IT DOES

0LD B0YFR13ND: *kicks G1NSBRG out*

G1NSBRG: I'm in ur jeep
consolin mahself

J03Y: WTF u callin me abt man?

G1NSBRG: I'm listenin ur poetries
hearin all sorts beasts

J03Y: I'm in ur -

G1NSBRG: So you are.

J03Y: U has lions LOLz so delicat
Xcept has no self, no bars,
and so u can has no lion
no monster fr bridegroom
kthxbai

G1NSBRG: Feh. Pwned. Haxx0red. WTF?
O, right: door.
O NOES! L10N! ANGREE L10N! SPLODEY ANGREE L10N!?

L10N: Allen u r such a drama queen

G1NSBRG: *preens*

G1NSBRG: I has a broccoli.
I has a bath.

G1NSBRG: *gazes at L10N*

L10N: *gazes back*

G1NSBRG: U don look so good

L10N: ....

G1NSBRG: *gazes at L10N some more*

L10N: I'm in ur nightmares
bein' ur central organizing principle

G1NSBRG: Terrible Presence! U can has eat me or WTF?

L10N: U IZ PWNZ0RED!
Not this tiem Baby
but I will be back

G1NSBRG: Hai L10N

G1NSBRG: *ping L10N*
L10N: [AFK]

G1NSBRG: Hai L10N
U gon eat me or what?

G1NSBRG: *ping L10N*
L10N: [AFK]

Waiting G1NSBRG is waiting.

> I CAN HAS

u can has saucerz
fallin lik sno
bringin u futur
no1 kno what

> NTHX
> I CAN HAS

u can has zombiez
shamblin about
smellin lik deth and rotn dekay
they can has brains?

> NTHX
> I CAN HAS

u can has godz
bigger than big thingz
fitin the giantz
n serpent n wolf

> NTHX
> I CAN HAS

u can has fery talez
lvs n spiritz
u can has bootz
play ur part

> NTHX
> I CAN HAS

u can has NEthing
citiez like glass
skynet aliv
angels n devils
humanz be hearin u talk
timlords n yeti

> NTHX
> I CAN HAS PHONE CAL?

> I CAN HAS PHONE CAL?

> I CAN HAS PHONE CAL?

Greg London@94: The Princess Bride
Neil Willcox@95: "Helm's Deep", The Two Towers
Abi (brilliantly!) @96: Pride and Prejudice
Howard Peirce@103: "Howl" (?)
Howard Peirce@104: Dharma Bums
Emmet@106: "The Metamorphosis"
Malthus@108: "Macavity", from The Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats
ajay@109: Apocalypse Now
adamsj@110: Moby-Dick
Dan Layman-Kennedy@113: "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock"
TomB@114: the Trojan Horse
Jon Meltzer@115: John 1:1
Teresa@118: Beowulf
Nicole J. LeBoeuf-Little@122: "Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night"
Greg London@129 & 131: "Who's On First?"
Bruce Cohen@145: De Bello Gallico (?)
telesilla@149: "Howl"
Kathryn from Sunnyvale@155: Possibly Asimov's "The Last Question"
Fragano Ledgister@158: Paradise Lost
Greg London@160: Star Wars
Nomie@171: The Odyssey
arto@173: Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
David Goldfarb@176: hmm....nope, don't know.
Lis Riba@177: Romeo and Juliet
telesilla@178: Richard III
telesilla@180: Henry V
Xopher@203: "Ave Maria"
Smuch@205: Waiting for Godot
Bruce Cohen@209: Alice's Adventures in Wonderland

...I think I'll stop there for now.

This is roflgeddon.

The best I can manage is lolCATS:

NARRATOR: 2001: WE HAS WAR!

CAPTAIN: Whut

OFFICER: We has bomb!

OTHER OFFICER: We get signal

VISIBLE SIGNAL

CATS: Hai ^_^ I made you a bomb, but I exploded it. I gotz all ur bases. Pwnt!

CAPTAIN: Noooooo, gimmeh ship

CATS: omgwtfpwntlol ^_^ kthxbye

... and I was going to continue, but I just noticed that "We get signal" is actually a direct quote, so I'm clearly not improving the material.

87. Del: two fragments of The Raven
88. Alex: Invisible answer!
90. Jon Meltzer: Schröinger's cat
91. Jakob: Original ballade
94. Greg London: The Princess Bride fragment
95. Neil Willcox: LOTR fragment
96. abi: Pride & Prejudice
101. Jakob: pun
102. Jo Walton: The Raven fragment
103. Howard Pierce: Howl and Invisible answer! (I think of it as Lincoln, but he wasn't a beat poet that I am aware of)
104. Howard Pierce: The Dharma Bums, Jack Karouac
106. Emmet: Kafka's Metamorphosis
108. Malthus: "Macavity", from The Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats*
109. ajay: Apocolypse Now
110. adamsj: Moby-Dick fragment
111. Eimear Ní Mhéalóid: Invisible answer!
113. Dan Layman-Kennedy: J Alfred Prufrock and Invisible answer!
114. TomB: Iliad fragment
115. Jon Meltzer: John 1:1
116. Alex: Invisible answer!
117. Howard Pierce: Genesis 22
118. TNH: Beowulf
119. abi: The Fellowship of the Ring
120. abi: The Two Towers
122. Nicole LeBoef-Little: Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night
125. Nicole LeBoef-Little: dinosaur sodomy, inevitably
126. Hesiarch: Invisible answer! x 2
127: Jon Meltzer: Fellowship of the Ring fragment, alternate version
128. Kathryn from Sunnyvale: Invisible answer!, nicely rhymed
129. Greg London: Who's on First?
130. abi: The Return of the King, hobbit-swap remix
131. Greg London: Who's on First? remix
132. Greg London: All Praise TNH, She Who Disemvowels
138. Julie L: Lord of the Ringtones
139. Diatryma: Swift, A Modest Proposal
142. fynngrrl: Invisible answer!
143. BSD: Iliad fragment
144. Bruce Cohen, ManagerSpeaker: Invisible answer!
145. Bruce Cohen, ManagerSpeaker: The Conquest of Gaul, Julius Caesar
149. tesilla: Alan Ginsberg, Howl

* Thanks, David, for replacing my Invisible answer! Note that I am still admitting to staggering, wide-ranging ignorance!

Song of Mylolcats

Hai
Im in ur society, singin an celebratin me
I can has ur assumptions?
U can has mai atums

I r lofin an invitin mah bukkit
I can has spear of summer grass?

Im in ur world, bein part of ur soil, ur air
Lolparents
37 years in ur world,
Only deth b stoppin me

Invisible schools an creeds.
I can has good an bad, an b speakin 4eva
In ur natur, removin ur check

(A tad rushed, but it needed to be done.)

The New CoLOLssus

Hay, ancient lands!
You can has storied pomp
Gimmeh ur tired, ur poor, ur huddled masses
They can has freedom
I has a lantern
(P.S. not brazen or Greek lol)

And 116 is W.H. Auden, from "The Orators".

Can haz wilful obscurity?
Thnx!

* Embarrassingly enough, thanks David. Should have gotten it, really really did not.

IM IN UR RED WEELBARRO
EATIN UR WHIET CHIKKENS
?

(If not, it's this poem.)

The second one is only like the most famous haiku ever. GAWD

P.S. It's Heresiarch, not Hesiarch. Think 'heresy, plus -arch.' =)

And thanks for the additions, but "Gawd?" We all have our areas of expertise, and our blind spots. You telling me you know all of the things that have turned up here? Every single one?

Ah, buggerit. Let someone else do it. GAWD indeed.

th1s3l: IM IN MA HOWSB0T WEARN MA C DRGON CONQROR
s1rNez: dw33b

(Like that time I was playing Botticelli and I picked Ali, because, like, HELLO MUHAMMAD'S FAVORITE DISCIPLE and SOURCE OF THE SHI'ITE/SUNNI SPLIT, and no one got it at all. Geez.)

And no worries about the name =) If I was worried about it being misspelled, I would've picked 'Bob.'

Good catch on #209 . I didn't try to obscure that the original source material is "Alice in Wonderland", but I wasn't expecting people to get that I tried to bring out that it's really Dinah's dream, not Alice's, as Alice suspects at the end.

Re #144. *gnashing of teeth and rending of garments* No one's going to get that one. There's a typo in it that makes it unintelligible, although maybe a tad whimsical (I'll trade my whimsy for a PB&J on whole wheat). It should read:

im in ur id - 0ddy

I think I need to go bind some books instead. That, at least, I pretty much know.

Im in your poem, harshin your mellow.
White cat is poor. Black cat is slave.
Red cat says wtf? New cat is not amused.
Aggressive cat is aggressive, defensive cat is defensive.

But we can't stop here, this is King country!
Jesus Christ it's Europe! Get in the car!
O hi I upgraded your colony.
I has a freedom!

O RLY?

Noooooo they be stealin mah freedom!
I can has pay?
No, you can't have pay <---[not yours]

Well that's your problem right there.
One does not simply Tank Cat into Mordor.
Is it can be America time now? Wait. I fix it.
Tonight we dine in hell! Americaaaaaaaa!!!

If I've got it wrong, just say what the right answer is; we're past the sekretive stage*. I'm not an expert in the area; I made an educated guess.

------
* if there is one

Sorry for any confusion. It's my fault for sowing it.

#158 is Milton's Paradise Lost

#218 is Marx & Engels Manifesto of the Communist Party.

I owe my current state of agony to my dear old friend Joe McMahon, whose post #274 seems to have eluded indentification up until now. Allow me to correct this oversight: it is, to my knowledge, the ONLY truly palatable abridgement ever written of the Bhagavad Gita.

Best regards,

mike metlay

My day job is a blast: http://www.recordingmag.com
I like my hobby even more: http://www.atomiccity.com
- especially when shared with my friends: http://www.mindspiral.com
- sometimes a LOT of friends: http://www.differentskies.com

For those who might be curious but not curious enough to cut and paste:

RECORDING, The Magazine For The Recording Musician
Atomic City
mindSpiral: Space Music With A Smile!
The Different Skies Experimental Music Festival

Thanks for your attention. Now, back to 1337ifying The Brothers Karamazov...

mike

235. Julie L.: that T.S. Eliot thing about fog on little cat feet
236.Tania: HIIK (Heck If I Know!)
237. abi's zombiekitteh poem, whose roots I know not, 'cept they're probably cool
239. Susan: conversation a la "The Sky Is Evil" ML thread
242. Greg London: edited repost of No Man Is An Island ?source?
243. Nicole: Emiloly's "Because I Would Not Stop For Death"? or does that have tulle?
244. Nicole: more Emiloly (pain has an element of blank?)
248. Dave Luckett: HIIK
249. Joe McMahon: Harlan Ellison, I HAVE NO MOUTH AND I MUST SCREAM
250. Heresiarch: the Trojan war, so it's the whatsit. You know. Thingie. That.
251. Francis: William Carlos Williams' plums in the icebox poem
253. Neil Willcox: HIIK
254. Brenda: William Carlos Williams' red wheelbarrow poem
258. Jon Meltzer: the Beatles "For the Benefit of Mr. Kite"
261. Heresiarch: the Iliad books 17-20
263. Jon Meltzer: more Beatles fun
265. Jon Meltzer: more Iliad neepery
269. Nomie: more Iliad neepery
271. Jon Meltzer: vast swathes of Beatles enjoyment from "A Day In The Life"
272. Rikibeth: is that Dorothy Parker, the suicide poem?
274. Howard Peirce: Langston Hughes, a dream deferred, a raisin is the sun
274. Joe McMahon: Hindu god epic fun
275. JBWoodford: Beatles, I am the Walrus, you know, that one. Right.
279. astrodyke: O! America, I am putting my queer shoulder to the wheel. I should KNOW this one! Ginsberg? Ferlinghetti? Who??
280. Allan Beatty: HIIK
281. Allan Beatty: HIIK
282. Earl Cooley III: original tribute to one of his fondly remembered cats
283. Julie L: HIIK
284. Peter da Silva: original technical writing on computer science
285. Heresiarch: The Iliad books 21-24
286. Peter da Silva: the complete works of Jane Austen
290. Fragano Ledgister: Wallace Stevens' "The Emperor of Ice Cream"
292. Jim Macdonald: Beowulf
293. abi: translation of 259
295. Heresiarch: "Thank U God" which must be t.s. eliot. o, hell, e.e. cummings. Dang. How embarrassing. Those smallcaps initiald00dz always get me confused for a minute.
298. Melissa Mead: HIIK
300. Individ-ewe-al: HIIK
303. abi: dunno, but sounds Yeatsian to me
304. elise: Edna St. Vincent Millay's "Renascence"
305. elise: same source as 304, but in textadvent this time
309. Fragano Ledgister: HIIK
311. Xopher: is that Rumi? Moving finger writ, and all?
312. repaired 311?
317. Heresiarch: Thank You God poem (ack! cannot recall author!)
322. Allan Beatty: HIIK
325. elise: Ginsberg's "The Lion For Real"
329. abi: HIIK
331. Michael Martin: HIIK
333. Jon Meltzer: HIIK
334. Mahmoth: Whitman's "Song of Myself"
335. Julie L.: Becket's "Waiting for Godot"
336. Michael Martin: Emma Lazarus' "The New Colossus" which is the Statue of Liberty poem
340. Heresiarch: another version of William Carlos Williams' red wheelbarrow poem
344. Jon Meltzer: HIIK
345. Dave Luckett: HIIK
348. Alex: ...and ride in triumph through.. dang it. HIIK, and I should oughta. Hmpf.
349. Peter da Silva: HIIK
352. Fragano Ledgister: HIIK
353. Del: HIIK

As part of my baby sister's graduation celebration, we chalked a bunch of messages into our front walk. I used two squares on a "This are serious cat. This are serious grad," that no one understood except me. In retrospect, I should have expected that. I, like the Ninja Turtles, live in the tubes.

Three lacunae I can fill, two of them mine:

253: The Collected Sayings of Cory Doctorow: "Don't let a'holes rent space in your head"
303: The first is Stopping By Woods on a Snowy Evening, by Robert Frost. The second is The Lake Isle of Innisfree, by Yeats (So yay you! Good ear.)
329: The Day the Saucers Came, by Neil Gaiman*

-----
* If I had it to do again, I'd not have repeated the last line.

Either the source for #239 is too obscure or I am even more mediocre at this game than I thought.

If it is, that might bring my total IDed on this thread into the low teens.

I was very tired that night.

halp! abi's nfiltratin mah subconshuz!

K->Q->D: butr 4 br34d?
Q->D:
D: Srtnly. I go cow
D->Ldrknee: butr 4 br34d!
Ldrknee: zzzzz u->K: ++mrmld
D: kewl
D->Q: sry, ++mrmld?
Q: ORly?
Q->K: ++mrmld!
K->Q: Waaaaaaahmbulance!
Q->K: chill
D->Q: chill
Cow->D: chill.
+milk
+butr
K: FTW!

It's the "profit" that gives it away for me, since it's the first and last lines that stick in my memory.

225: "Ur pawz 2 small 2 box with Dogs" is "The Prodigal Son," by James Weldon Johnson, from God's Trombones.* The pastiched line was also the name of a Broadway musical in the 70s. I think I mistakenly mentioned Paul Laurance Dunbar upthread. At least I didn't confuse him with James Earl Jones.

Julie 324: the server at LOLCat Builder seems to have gone into full meltdown, and I didn't save local copies of my LOLPoes, because I thought it was just a silly throwaway joke good for a chuckle at best. If it comes back up, I'll recreate them or make and save new ones.

* I have an original edition of the scanned book at the link, which the used-book guy only charged me $7.00 for because it had some foxing and worm damage. It's easily the most beautiful book I own, wormholes and all.

At least I'm well-read in SF! I am in awe at the range of source material here.

You got it. Yes, that one's very obscure. abi, don't feel bad; I read the source about 50 years ago, and it just sort of stuck with me, because it is gung jrveq yvggyr fubeg fgbel ol Orfgre, as Heresiarch called it. And the lolcat version is only one line, based on the title. Oh, the title is "Bqql naq Vq".

Please don't do that to me. I'm on sabbatical right now, but trust that work, kids, new house, and living in a different language environment will do the deed for you in a month or two.

He doesn't catch a fish for 84 days, and when he finally gets one, the sharks eat it.

I have been loving this thread. The day job and a nasty project have been preventing me from participating as I would like. Y'all are fabulous.

MI RLY HAS LIVE BIG OMG GUY K
& MRBIG STICK AROUND THRU CREDITS & ALL
& IF MI GETS SPLODE MI GETS SEE OMG MRBIG
& MI RLY GETS MI SEE 4MI & MI EYZ GETS RLY SEE
& IS BIG OMG GUY NOT FAKE SCAM IS REEEL K.

COZ NO PEEPZ LIVZX0R SOLO
& NO PEEPZ DIIZX0R SOLO.
COZ PEEPZ LIVZX0R HAS LIVZX0R FOR TEH |0RX|)0R
& PEEPZ DIIZX0R HAS DIIZX0R FOR TEH |0RX|)0R.
PEEPZ LIVZ OR DIIZ BUT TEH |0RX|)0R PWNZX0RS K.

YAY DED PEEPZ HAS DIIZX0R IN TEH |ORX|)OR
& B00Z SEZ MI2, COZ TIIIIRD GTG NAP KTHXBAI.

s3ldn: hai
ch3n: go awai
fnd4tn 1: kthxbai
fnd4tn 2: ...

s3ldn: hai, krs|s 1
p1ren: i am dw33b
h4rdn: u r pwned!
fnd4tn 2: ...

s3ldn: hai, krs|s 2
w3n1s: i am dw33b
h4rdn: u r pwned!
fnd4tn 2: ...

p0ny3ts: hai
rEdrs: ping s3ldn?
p0ny3ts: kthxbai
rEdrs: n00b

s3ldn: hai, krs|s 3
k0md0r: i am dw33b
m4l0w: u r pwned!
fnd4tn 2: ...

s3ldn: hai, krs|s 4
r10s: i am dw33b
d3vrs: u r pwned!
fnd4tn 2: ...

s3ldn: hai, krs|s 5
m\/l: S3LDN IS DW33B!
b4yt4: DO NOT WANT!
m\/l: OUCH!

m\/l: ping fnd4tn 2?
fnd4tn 2: ZAP!
fnd4tn 2: u r pwned!
m\/l: w00t!

rkAdE: ping fnd4tn 2?
rkAdE: FND4TN 2 PWNED!
rkAdE: FND4TN 1 RULZ!
p4lvr: LOL DW33BZ!!

tr3viz: ping urth?
gIy4: hai
d4n33l: hai
rEdrs: NO!!

72: Genesis 1-3
128: ED: I'm nobody! Who are you?
153: ED 1763: Fame is a bee, and a link to ED's 1129 Tell all the truth but tell it slant in another thread.**
155: my attempt at a SinguLOLarity: Asimov's "The Last Question."
231: oblique reference to The bustle in a house the morning after death

----
* I love poetry, but I never had the knack for memorizing it (even when grades were at stake). But, funny, I could memorize ED.

**Remember, only 9 days until Blog like it's the end of the world day. We the fluorosphere should be ready to dominate. We already have.

ghost: do not want!
houz can has haunt
houz can b fled
o noes- Iz in hed
I can has chaze?
o noes- Iz mai faze!
I can has flee?
o noes- Iz me!

Sound make cats long gone sad

Used to hear cats cats believing
now same sad sound of water on beach.

Kittehs stick together,
world not nice for kitteh
like all around screeching and clawing
but can't see who.

Wetfud gots to naps [mi eats].
Airfud gots to lands [mi eats 2].
Can opener gots to feed poor starvin kitteh b4 mi shreds sofa thksbai.

LOLz
kthxbai

Yes; kitteh likes to hunt sea gulls.

"O RLY?"

g2g, kthxbai.

[Okay, now I'm just being obscure for its own sake. But in my own defense, I just re-read the original this morning.]

STFU!
u 2!
big n small
kitteh kin
if can has story
tell big tomcat
I rememberz
most oldest meow

Ah rememberz
can has tiem tiger
giving sweet mices
all 4 me
Ah rememberz
9 worldz n treez
tree root iz rooted
it can has dirt

time was teh oldest
no can has it
invisible sea
invisible sand
no can has ground
invisible sky
visible empty
invisible grass

OH HAI!
Kitteh lifted a land
maded a gardenz
didn't eated it!
World can has sun
warm spot 4 sleepin
stuffz iz growin
I can has cheezburger

uh oh- I'd been avoiding thinking about those. It'd be irresponsible to even mention 0$(4r h4mm3r$731n 2. But then again... (key of F major)

OH HAI,
LOL calz u
all ur site, all u say,
in ur threadz, callin 2 u:
"LOL all dai, LOL all dai."

OH HAI,
im takin Ovr
in ur mind, all u seez,
all u hear iz kitteh beggin:
"LOL phonymz, LOL phonymz."

ur pwnd in ur hedz
ur pwnd in ur dreamz
LOL in ur poemz iz the 1 final memez

if u trai, u b failin
2 not LOL wot u readz,
all u hear iz kitteh sayin:
"LOL phonymz, LOL phonymz."

awai u try to flee,
do not want LOL in mind,
u take Pynchon up and read it out loud
o noes! u got LOL in u,
LOLin up Lot49
l337 and lOL iz all u see:
"lOL phonymz, hear the LOL, LOL phonymz."

if u trai, u b failin
2 not LOL wot u readz,
all u hear iz kitteh sayin:
"LOL phonymz, LOL phonymz."

kthxbye,
...kthxbye,
......KTHXBYE!

i in ur fone strting ur ringtonez...got your vmail, DO NOT WANT!!

d00dz, that wuz some 1ong ass trip
which i wd te11 u in detai1 but
its 2 boring (srsly tho,
it wuz cold n pissy n the
came1z were m33n n the p33p1 suxx0r
n wherez the gir1z w sherbet LOL
n voices in our heds at nite going u r 100z00rz!
fina1y made it FTW but im n0t te11ing that part)

im in my hometown
watchin u clutch ur weird0 g0dz
shakin my hed
cuz thats the way i roll now LOL
::wishes 2 b ded::

I wonder if it's possible to translate "A Elbereth Gilthoniel" into Kitteh so it's as recognizable as the translation posted in a previous game was?

My #280 is "Gur Frperg Fvgf" ol Eboreg Sebfg from the point of view of the omniscient cat instead of mere mortals.

And I hope "Fat kitteh on mat" at #322 is easily recognizably, as the original is about cats and other felines.

"A cold coming we had of it,
Just the worst time of the year
For a journey, and such a long journey:
The was deep and the weather sharp,
The very dead of winter."

Xopher (406), it's a bad addiction. On Saturday I was in the audience of a panel at the BEA where the panelists (Patrick, Toni, David Weber, David Hartwell, Diana Gill, and a bookseller whose name I should remember) got to talking about high-end mainstream authors who lift genre tropes, then only acknowledge other high-end mainstream authors who use them. I had a large magic marker. I wrote

IM IN UR GENRE
STEALIN UR TROPES

David Hartwell made me hold it up for the whole class to see. I felt like I'd gotten caught chewing gum.

Dan Hoey (397), is that "Can't stop loving that stupid cat," or something else?

Svfu tbggn fjvz,
Oveq tbggn syl,
Zna tbggn fvg naq jbaqre jul jul jul.

Svfu tbggn erfg,
Oveq tbggn ynaq,
Zna tbggn gryy uvzfrys ur haqrefgnaq.

I figured as long as I was doing religion, I might as well do my religion, too.

Heresiarch, #340, do you say it like Heresyarch? I've been saying it in my head with the emphasis on the RE.

Dan Hoey, #416, ah, I was thinking it was the original source: "Fish gotta swim, Birds gotta fly, I gotta have just one man til I die, can't help lovin' that man of mine" which is from Showboat.

i'm pretty sure that's heart of darkness.

i, er, haven't actually read the book, but a woman in my senior studio based her senior project on it, so i know some of the images.

ah, not the show-tune version, but close enough to remind me they exist.

Iz can has bio?
can has Nein.
Can has izland?
oh noes, Ic-n...
::thumb god::

While terr1n off 4round 4go|f
Mi my8 m4k 4play f0r teh caddi
But then mi DO NO WANT fo||o thru
Coz all mi {> r belong 2 Dadi.

kthxbai.

"Invisible vampire" gives it away, if you're clueful.

(OTOH, I may be terrible at the game.)

Day n nite
Y is it so,
I can has u
where I go?
Inna roaring trafx bm,
Inna bukket I has inna rm,
I can has u,
Nite n day.

(Warning: I can go on like this for days.)

caterday
livin'ez
f1shies jumpin'
catn1p make kitteh hai

Tom can has $$$$
Quean can has pritty
STFU kitteh
No moar cry.

Nope it's far older than that. If you want me to say what it is, I'll happily do so though.

Much better than the verses I was belting out in the car. Also much better than my "I can haz cheezburger in pardys!" that I was following it up with.

Elise@365: 281 is "Terence, this is stupid stuff," by A.E. Housman. (Didn't that get identified elsethread?) 331 is the opening sequence of the videogame "Zero Wing", which achieved Internet fame for the phrase, "All your base are belong to us". 333 is Jack Vance's "Demon Princes" series, which I slightly frighten myself by getting even though I've never read any of the books. 345 is "Ulysses", by Tennyson.

Continuing on from there:
Dan Hoey@384 deserves special mention for doing one that's too obfuscated for me to even read, let alone identify.
Jon Meltzer@393 does Asimov's "Foundation" series.
Kathryn@405 does "Bali Ha'i" from South Pacific...I think.
Tania@425 and Howard Peirce@426 do Gershwin's "Summertime".
Bruce@427: A bit of Bujold's Cetaganda from a different point of view.

lolcat n lolcat++
is in ur prezentz
watchin u play,
heerin u purr.

i can has sense?
o noes!
sintz i sees u
noe kitteh is u++.

noe meow left,
fur al on end,
pointy earz ringin,
green eyes clozin.

im in my sunbeamz
dreamin of u
makin me worse
lik ded katz befor.

- o0o -

ohai
don likz
but likz.
ask why
an how?
me don'
quait knoe
but ow!

Enjoying this thread immensely, and suspect I'll have another one of these bouncing around my brain on my commute.

o hai 1879
i in ur Scotland, ur friendly LOLfeline
LOL! Bridge shiny! River shiny too!
i can haz train? Choo-choo!
O NOES!!!1!! fateful day
invisible bridge! DO NOT WANT! peeps 4eva afk

invisible scansion. visible rhyme.
remembering kitteh remembers long time.
mah kitteh feetz needin support eg from buttresses
mah syllables needin work on stresses.
pastichin stanzas n stanzas n stanzas of similar stuff
o rly? no wai, srsly, STFU, enuff!

Some Victorian engineers are at my door (I'm closest). Since they're dead, it's pretty much brains they want. Where should I send them?

Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
Engineers are dead?
They still hear choo-choo.

I can't believe I forgot to include "I are serious cat" among the classic macros. I would certainly have found a way to fit it in if I had.

I wanted to do something different, so I avoided leet expressions or generic lolkitty grammar as much as possible, except where they turn up in actual known classic owl, cat, elephant seal, or Sparta macros. I tried to make each line a whole number of known macros (with nouns etc. swapped as required, natch), or each macro a whole number of lines.

Once again, glad you got a laugh out of recognising the sequence; as a matter of curiosity, did anyone get a sense of what the original source poem was about, even without recognising it?

That isn't de Maupassant's "The Horla," is it? It's been a while since I read it.

The (^^)aaai #1 Catz0r Goz H33t

Hai gotz2 brekkiez erli, brekkies erli, f33dz0r, meow,
Cuz m0rr0s iz gonnaB purrsum157 da uv kittehs ROFCMTO yir.
Uv kittehs ROFCMTO yir, f33dz0r, teh purrsum157 mousebirdfish da,
Cuz catz0r goz h33t for teh (^^)aaai, f33dz0r,
Catz0r goz h33t for teh (^^)aaai!

kthkxbai.

l12: IM IN UR PEMBERLEY BURNIN UR STUFF
DarC: o hai

J4N3: OMG K17y & Wikm BFF
l12: WTF?
lyd14: i can has wikm, k?
MrsB: OMG mrB U SMASH Wikm
mrB: sigh
mrB: k bai
Wikm: hai i can has $$$? LOL
DarC: NO I CRUSH YOU Wikm
mrB: u pwned Wikm
mrB: lol

Bngli: hai, back. i can has heart?
J4N3: k lol
DarC: back
DarC: o hai I incinerated Wikm
l12: cool
l12: thx 4 ur help
DarC: i can has heart?
l12: k
J4N3: is it can be krush Mr Collinz now pls?
Bngli: k LOL

The Storm

The storm comes
On big clumsy human feet.

And there are dozens longer and more complete. Get it.

Dan

im in ur fishbowl

drownin mehself.

Meanwhile, the best part of the movie Logan's Run was when Logan and Jessica meet the Old Man, played by Peter Ustinov who totally ad-libs, quoting T.S.Elliot's naming of cats.

id try and make a pastiche of archy and mehitabel
but that just doesnt seem right
invisible cockroach is already in your typewriter
putting words on your paper
mean old rat
is already eating them
cold kitty is already dancing
in a cold alley
forever
ping don maquis? [afk]

Yes. It had multiple instances of "Hai", how could I not attempt a slant/ failing rhyme version*?

----
*and I have its sheet music... the audience at the premier / closing of LOLth Pacific chose to listen whilst eating her kibble.

(I just summarized the Dog/Sweet potato/Arg sidelight out loud to my SO in lolcatz voices. It was remarkably fun. i rekommendz it!)

I’m going out to clean the pasture spring;
I’ll only stop to rake the leaves away
(And wait to watch the water clear, I may):
I sha’n’t be gone long.—You come too.

I’m going out to fetch the little calf
That’s standing by the mother. It’s so young,
It totters when she licks it with her tongue.
I sha’n’t be gone long.—You come too.

~~~

O in yr tired boots wearing
u is yr head, y 4 sek u who
y by yr way r u 4 y u cum
2 thiz ur birdz r here?
catz ask 2 no is y
but if u r pwned deaf and dumb
n haz ken none ur words
tehn wave yr paw, ur catz 2 no
...

ping don maquis? [afk]

Lost on an operation somewhere in Brittany in 1943.

The &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Thing!

comes out as

The     Thing!

Does U luv me?
U sez: Sian,
purrz for me, jump
onto lap, pwn it.
Clawz shine in UR
happy. I iz speaking
with bell round throat. UR
hand iz electric from kitty fur. Small
I iz; U cradle me
on arm, wearing kitty
on breastbone. UR pulse is same
as mine.
My eye slitz iz
not for p33ping
thro; they iz evidence
that kitty alwayz finds wayz
thro scary blackness
filling UR heart.

Le chat a ouvert ses yeux,
Le soleil y est entre;
Le chat a ferme les yeux,
Le soleil y est reste.
Voila pourquoi, le soir,
Quand le chat se reveille,
J'apercois dans le noir
Deux morceaux de soleil.

O hai, dis iz stoopid
Fud gone, k
Beer gone, k
But ur pome suxxorz
hertz kitteh tummeh
<pome> Cow be stabid
Cow head iz sleepin </pome>
O noes my turn nao
2 here ur t00nz killin ur cow
2 here ur rime killin ur ladz
Do not want!
U dangle cat toy on string nao kthx

-----

Sorry, but for Housman it really has to be ladz, not dudez.

The second stanza would say something about "Catnip does more than macros can / To pleez Kitteh."

As someone mentioned upthread, this kind of exercise can force you to better understand the source. And in this case, I realize I have no idea what the fourth stanza of the original really means. That's probably why my Tolkien related takeoff of the same poem has been stuck half finished for a couple of years.

You want a line break.
<br>

(Still wiping eyes from reading "Dog. Sweet potato" LJ entry particle. thx)

pritty as u r, moi bonnie
so u can has moi luv
& ill luv u stil, moi dear
til aww teh fud run out

til aww teh fud run out, moi dear
n i get a bit putte out
& ill luv u stil, moi dear
while waitin--nm, bored now.

kthxbai, moi onlye luv!
kthxbai a while!
ill brb, my dearist luve
tho twere liek 10k mile

I hadn't realised no-one had "pinged" it here, it's one quite deeply implanted in my mind, along with a few others of GMH.

Ummm ... and #473 is Rabbie Burrrrrns' My love is like a red, red rose.

Also for your general edification:

Today's winning lolbot.

(abi counts as Scottish for the purposes of this exercise. Scotland is like the US Marine Corps, the KGB First Chief Directorate or the Hotel California; once you've been in, you never really leave.)

o hai
im in ur cellr
appreciatin ur amontillado
OMGWTF!
cellar cat is watching you immure him

Well tried!

But, yes, what Heresiarch said.

I've done:
- two original poems, only one death-haunted (but cute with it)
- an essay on poetics
- a love story where, admittedly, all characters were Protestants
- a fantasy trilogy written by a Catholic
- two poems by modern authors who, I think, had little or no religious affiliation. Both have dead people, admittedly.
- two pastoral poems by Protestants, no death in either
- two poems by someone who predates Christianity entirely and are all about love

I think that Heresiarch has the key to it, though it's also that many of the "great works of the English language" have included a certain amount of Protestantism and death*.

-----
* That's just because the "Dinosaurs and sodomy" school of literary value isn't well established yet. Give it a few years for the young Turks of the field to get tenure.

NEkitteh livd in pritteemeowtown
(wit up!ball up!& rubberbandown!)
flowrbulb dedmaus leafdrop sunnipane
kitteh pur he didn't kitteh rub he did

kittehz dey all (tiny&sm)
kehrd 4 NEkitteh not@all
I be scratchin ur litter & likkn ur viz
warmnap cuddlegleam twinklesleep hiss

litterkittehz gest (but sumz not allz
& furgetz dem laterz as upgrow tall
leafdrop leafbare leaflite leaful)
dat 0kitteh heart him morXmor

wenXnou & treXlef
she lolziz joi she yaoldiz greef
chikkyXbol & boksXscratchz
NEkitteh's NE b in hr allz

sumkittehz mated wit ur evryk@s
mewd ur purrnz & wiskrd ur leapz
(nap stretch scratch & den) dey
mioud ur nomorz & napt ur dremz

twinklefar hatewet warmpatch facensky
(& only coldbite kn xplainz
how kittenzeez r furgetn 2 remmbr
wit up!ball up! & rubberbandown)

1 day NEkitteh di i ges
(& 0kitteh down 2 lik hiz viz)
bizzy kittehz cvrd dem sidXsid
ltlXltl & wzXwz

allzXallz & depeXdepe
& morXmor & dreemz dey sleep
0kitteh & NEkitteh littrXshowrztim
wskrXspirit & ifXpurr

kittehshes & kittehhes (perr & pirr)
dedmaus leafdrop sunnipane leaflite
sowd in ur reapin & cam in ur went
warmpatch facensky twinklefar hatewet

Even if I don't write it, I like it.

I like that a lot. I've always been fond of the original, and I think you carried it across very nicely.

when mi openz mi ize,
sun gets in wiz teh shines;
den mi cloz em & naps,
still mi keeps it for mines.
soes is whyes, in teh nit,
when mi runz in teh hall,
noes u cant seez no lit
cep two wee shines iz all.

--

lost kitteh is lost
angst has a flavor - wtf? - do not want!
carz go by - moar carz go by -
lookin 4 America, brb

Thank you. I first read that when I was a senior in HS, and it's never let me go. It grows deeper and sadder and fiercer as I grow older.

I liked yours at 396 very much. (Actually the first time I read "Dover Beach" was in that same English class.) I find your lolcat version more poignant than the original, frankly. And you even captured the onomatopoeic effects - just wonderful.

1. Dune.

2. "Repent, Harlequin!" Said The Ticktockman.

3. Soylent Green?

D1d0: hai
D1d0: lol
43n34s: lolz backstory

L40c00n: *ded from sn4k3s*
H0rs3: PWN
Tr0j4ns: pwnt
43n34s: OMGWTFBBQ Cr3u54
Cr3u54: I is ghost lol

Tr0j4ns: yay Crete
Tr0j4ns: *is dyin*
4nch1s3s: o wrong place... sorries! ^_^

Tr0j4ns: yay C4rth4g3
V3nu5: hai Cupid
V3nu5: make D1d0 think 43n34s is hawt
Cupid: k

D1d0: we r t3h m4rr13d
43n34s: f4t3 sry lol bai
D1d0: OMG U SUX0RS I KEEL MEHSELF!

43n34s: Im in ur underworld, sayin Im... sorries?
D1d0: I H8 U
43n34s: f4t3 sry lol bai

#492:
Carrie S.: "1: No, but it is a novel of about the same age."
[sfx:pennydrop] Stranger in a Strange Land?

Carrie S.: "3: No. It's a short story."
Hm, so it wouldn't be The Space Merchants then as that is a novel. Chikn Litl would surely please Kitty!

Yep.

For #3, the clue is really in the identity of the people 'speaking'.

I tried constructing the rest of it on my way home from work -

can we has bbf plz?
ur stuff & mai stuff can has b owr stuff
gotz summa mai stuffs right here

- or -

--i can has ciggies?
--no! ciggies all gone ROFL
nao stfu i iz reading
--kk fcku k thx bai
i iz lookin at moon anywai

- but I feared if I continued in this vein I wouldn't be able to look myself in the mirror for days.

I have this conflict. While I adore the lolcatz stuff, I have a very low pain threshold for parody. I'm having a hard time striking the right balance.

Damn, I missed those when you posted, and only saw them because of JoAnne's post. #3 is Terry Carr's "The Dance of the Changer and the Three", right?

*choking noises, followed by strangled whisper barely audible to bats* - George Lucas! That looked like something Norman McLaren might have done.

Seriously, that's some major cognitive dissonance. Yet more evidence that Lucas is a very private dude that few people know very well.

Though now that my bogglemeter is starting to fall down out of the red zone, it sort of makes sense. Lucas' forte was editing; it's what he did and loved best (aside from being a producer, of course). And unless you did it in animation, which would have been my choice, the only way to get the charm and somewhat eldritch quality you'd need for that piece is with that sort of editing.

But still ... *stumbles off, muttering into beard*

Do you know, I actually did that once? We had to replace the screen door. I believe my last words before committing the deed were, "hey, check this out--"

BOINGGGGGG

Nineveh: Gaudy Night?

Knowing this makes me want to see American Graffiti again. Because now I can readily imagine a cummings-inflected atmosphere that I would never have thought to look for. Right away, themes of identity and cycles of life.... hmmmm.....

There was supposed to be a link to the macros (sans cats), but I failed. No attempts to make it look good this time:
http://nineveh-uk.livejournal.com/31677.html#cutid1

Low tolerance for parody aside, I love your take on it.

O hai
im in ur daffodilz
eatin ur poetz
they has a flavor
kthxbai!

I'm in my study, reading my quaint and curious volumes of forgotten lore. (Aside: like for instance, spelling.)

I can has surcease of sorrow?
Oh noes!

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Raven.
Raven who?
Raven from the Night's Plutonian Shore!

Raven: Hai, I'm on ur pallid bust of Pallas quothing ur Nevermore.

I can has talking Raven!
I'm in my violet velvet chair, talking to my talking Raven!

I can has balm in Gilead?
Raven: Nevermore.

I can has lost Lenore?
Raven: Nevermore.

(Aside: Quit while you're ahead, guy! This Raven only knows like one word.)

I can has shadow lifted?
Raven: Nevermore! Pwned!

Here's my poor contribution:

54F0: O hai 4fr0d173
plz n0 p41nz
plz halp

4fr0d173: whut nao 54F0?
wh0ze luv U W4n7?
1f f|335, w1|| hun7,
3v3n 1f DO NOT WANT

54f0: kthxbye

i is teh hick
> i is teh roxxor
i can has memphis & nashvl
> i can has motown flavr
is it good (y/n)?
> /me luvs it
i is teh hick
> i is teh roxxor

Lovin' the lolsappho, kouredios.

In light of the latest open thread, hasn't someone got a lolpastiche of Star Trekin' up their sleeve?

Nobody seems to have guessed my 478, so I'll reveal that it's The Bacchae of Euripides.