These days at the Times, it could be either one.

My next thought was about Clarke's dictum that any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. That was followed by regret that I'm not a writer of sf, since that's a lovely hook for a story.

As for the Star Trek reference, I think it would be more of a, "Scotty, WTF have you been doing with the transporters?"

(Sorry, I came to this headline straight from this. It's not just the NYTimes who're succumbing to teh st00pid. Sometimes I fear that Vernor accidentally hit the nail on the head in "A Fire Upon the Deep" ... and we're drifting from the Slow Zone perilously close to the Unthinking Depths.)

IM N UR DNA, MAKIN U SKWEEL!!!

BRITISH LEFT WAFFLES ON FALKLANDS

Don't you mean MAKIN U WHEEK?

Charlie @ 9: "Sometimes I fear that Vernor accidentally hit the nail on the head in "A Fire Upon the Deep" ... and we're drifting from the Slow Zone perilously close to the Unthinking Depths."

Heh. I know *I* certainly am...

No, you just have to use the yarn and needles to get the stitch count to fit the size you need.

It's not like the dog owners had myostatin knock-out dogs grown in a tank somewhere. The dogs just happended and they said, "OMG! WTF?" so the dogs aren't guinea pigs in either sense.

And a little closer to home....

This is exactly the kind of Science(TM) that Scientists(TM) are forever doing in movies and TV and (especially) comic books. The ones where people like Reed Richards majored in Science.

My personal favorite has always been

SQUAD HELPS DOG BITE VICTIM

Damn it, they always find a way to make you upgrade.

We could have a "before" and "after" shot.

And the big guinea pig should have a carrot too far in it's mouth, for added effect.

The latest fad in knitting: atomic force needles and buckyarn.

And, more recently, of this news reporter.

Will they supply the necessary electron microscopes, too?

====

I was at a genealogy show last weekend. There were at least four exhibitors of DNA testing. For people. (I was slightly boggled, yes.)

Give me a before and after shot and I can make a movie that shows the morph from one to the other.

The needles do the work, that's what scanning force microscopes are all about. You know, you could actually do that. I don't think it would be hard to market a modified AFM that cost no more than a high end sewing machine or serger.

Sweaters for bacteria?
Socks for daphnias?
Scarves for brine shrimp?

(a headline approached in the Goon Show:
GERMAN GENERAL --Gentlemen, General Montgomery is alvays flying backvards unt forvards betveen England unt Africa.
FIRST GERMAN -- Zey haf planes zat fly backvards?)

More here...
http://www.geocities.com/Principessa07/Headlines.htm
Prostitutes Appeal To Pope
Soviet Virgin Lands Short Of Goal Again
Drunk Gets Nine Months In Violin Case
Eye Drops off Shelf
Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim

I'd need the microscope just to see what I was doing. Ooh, my eyes...
(Have to admit, that's a very high level of skill she's displaying.)

Genographic Test

It's pricey (over $100US) but I figure that yes, I'm THAT curious. Also I'm hoping for identifiable Amerind and/or Scottish genes, in addition to the MittelEuropa ones I know I have for sure.

Here's a short article on Japan, Home of the Cute and Inbred Dog. But that isn't much difference from what might be happening all over. See the much longer magazine article on The Modern Kennel Conundrum:
'“You’re going to have a real battle here” between hybrid dog breeders and “the purists who say this is all 25th-century voodoo science.” The rift seems to epitomize a peculiarly American tension: between tradition and improvisation, institutions and fads.'
...
"Virtually noseless by now, purebred pugs are prone to belabored breathing, sensitivity to heat (they couldn’t survive outside air-conditioning in parts of the country) and a pitiable propensity to bash their eyes into whatever they’re trying to smell."

-----------
* So seems the pugs, in that the females can't have ordinary births: all puppies arrive by C-section. ' “You’ll never have feral pugs,” one woman told me earlier that night. She said it fondly.'

Did you see the recent Onion article on the massive pug recall?

Pugs are the cutest damn dogs, but they're pretty much a vet bill on legs. My roommate and I were considering one, but we determined we just couldn't afford it. Herding bark aside, we're quite pleased with our Corgi-esque mutt, but we haven't decided if we're going to send her DNA to be analyzed to see what her heritage is.

Shoes for industry!

So does that explain Joe Lieberman?

Iraqis Protest Police Searches By Sniffing Dogs

(I wasn't working that evening, but I got in trouble anyway.)

Queen Who?

Beef Recalls Selling Out Chicken

'Queen Elizabeth has 10 times the lifespan of workers and lays up to 2000 eggs per day'.

any Agatha Heterodyne fans (I've just been converted by Serge): that surely explains what is going on with Her Undying Majesty...

------
SIR VIVIAN FUCHS OFF TO ANTARCTICA is allegedly a real headline about a polar explorer.

SOMETHING WENT WRONG IN JET CRASH, EXPERT SAYS

and the ever-popular

BRITISH LEFT WAFFLES ON FALKLAND ISLANDS

Years ago, I had a couple of book collections of bad headlines like these.

Also, on flickr, is this:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/29297284@N00/535350813/

(For those who don't want to click through, it says PIRATES KNOCKED UP SHREK)

Much the same thing has happened to Persian cats. I still remember when the so-called "Peke-faced" Persians were rare, and the "standard" Persian had a short but identifiable snout. Now the Peke-faces are all you see. They have respiratory problems and tear-duct problems, and they're FUGLY to boot -- and the breeders just keep going for "the flatter, the better". It's insane.

Jennyanydots, #53: Is that the same guy for whom the flower (and the color) fuchsia is named?

Modern pedigree Persian cats are not only facially deformed, but in my experience thick as a brick to go with it, really noticeably so by comparison with an average moggy.

------
Lee:
Is that the same guy for whom the flower (and the color) fuchsia is named?
I'm curious now! Apparently not: a quick Wiki-check (*unreliable, caveat, etc.*) suggests that the plant originally comes from South America, and was named in 1703 in honour of a C16th German botanist, Leonard Fuchs.
I didn't know it was non-native to the UK. It grows wild in the hedges here in great profusion.

#36: I have some different sized guinea pigs, but I doubt I could pose them suitably.

I must have had guinea pigs mixed up with something else, because I thought they were smaller than that. But, cool.

;)

It's bad enough when certain breeds have a predisposition for a disease/health problem which is not directly related to the defining breed characteristics (a LONG list for e.g. German Shepherds). What drives me nuts is that the breeders have a description such as "short face" or "diamond-shaped eyes" or whatever and never cry "enough, already - we've reached what we were aiming for, now let's stop." Instead you get pugs etc. which are unable to breath (or give birth)and shar pei unable to see due to rolls of skin and hairs poking into their corneas and...

Not to mention the breeders who don't want to know/don't care that their stud dog is throwing out epileptic puppies which have to be euthanised before they reach a year old.

Every credit for the breeders who club together to test for and eliminate nasty recessives (or late-onset dominant gene problems).

And so I discover the dubious joys of snorting chard-and-chickpea soup out through my nostrils . . .

My favorite typo, though it was never seen in public, was the letter I drafted many years ago, while working for a public utility company, from the Vice President of Unclear Operations. It was supposed to be Nuclear Operations.

Then there are thoroughbred horses. The combination of drugs and advanced surgeries (think of what Barbaro was put through) and the fact that there is a lot of money is at stake results in horses being bred for speed not for soundness, and horses that break down being saved simply for breeding purposes. And horses are being raced and retired young, before they've really matured completely, thus increasing the chance for breakdowns.

"You need little teeny eyes for reading little teeny print like you need little teeny hooks for microfiche."

While I haven't studied them much, it seems as if those people who invite- or especially those who do not invite- the cadaver dog into their homes will find that the human dead aren't far away*.

Let the dead rest, and let sleeping dogs lie, and don't get the two mixed up.

----
because whatever technologies are used for cadaver dogs will eventually be used for cadaver humans. It just follows. And so do zombies, they never stop following you...

While I haven't studied them much, it seems as if those people who invite- or especially those who do not invite- the cadaver dog into their homes will find that the human dead aren't far away*.

Let the dead rest, and let sleeping dogs lie, and don't get the two mixed up.

----
because whatever technologies are used for cadaver dogs will eventually be used for cadaver humans. It just follows. And so do zombies, they never stop following you...

I had no idea that frozen dogs *needed* food.

Unless Fragano (cf 57) has changed jobs and begun repeating himself, or Mr W Powerleveling has had the good fortune to turn his parents' catastrophic bad taste in naming into a job opportunity, I call comment spam.

With over 100 cats in our car, we desperately need your help.

Yes, Thoroughbreds are raced too young. But at least they are being bred for ability of some sort, not deliberately for disability. Poor cats have been bred as "munchkins" (very short legs, cannot jump properly) and "rag dolls" (extremely calm to the point of not being able to defend themselves, so they relax when dragged about or thrown in the air, rather than tensing, scratching and teaching their tormentors not to treat cats as toys).

Mind you, I'm still waiting for the USA to catch up to the 21st century and stop declawing cats (any of you want all your fingers cut off half way through the last bone?) and trimming dogs' ears to make them stand up in a point. Of course, we've (UK) still not quite managed to outlaw tail docking of dogs, but we're getting closer.

I never thought I'd say this, but I can't wait for them to build better spambots.

"Royals to get a taste of Angels' Colon."

Though this is a close second:

"Wang provides lift for Yankees' staff"

HARVARD SCIENTISTS DISCOVER SOLAR SYSTEM

Only a few centuries behind Copernicus...

And I for one welcome our new AI search engine masters. I wasn't sure of the exact official name for WHOOPS, so I googled "washington nuclear power whoops" and the first hit was a Washington Post story about it with the hit fragment "... nuclear power plants as part of a consortium of utilities called the Washington Public Power Supply System, which quickly became infamous as Whoops. ..." Now that's search AI that rocks! I didn't even have to follow the link; all the information I needed was right there.

Meanwhile, the latest issue of Asimov's has a Michael Swanwick story where, among other events, we have Charles Stross turning into a giant blue lobster.

Jenny@53: did you have to? Did you have to introduce me to Agatha? Don't you know I already have enough obsessions in my life??????

My brain ray worked.
At last.
They laughed at me at the University, but my hour has come.
Bwahahahah!!!

I like today's strip, esp. Gil's face in the last panel. Poor chap, he's so radiantly happy that I'm sure something is going to go horribly wrong (and can think of many reasons why it's almost bound to...)

Someone needs another session with the brain ray.

"Wang provides lift for Yankees' staff"

Has anyone alerted Gabe & Tycho?

I'm a bit surprised that breeders are surprised given how much bull-and-terrier has gone into the modern whippet and greyhound. Many lurchermen swear by seven-eighths staffiebull and when they were available, pit bull crosses with greyhounds as the best combination of speed and stamina.

I'm a bit dismayed, though not surprised at how poorly dog breeders are using the additional tools genetic testing offers: to short-sightedly narrow already over-narrow gene pools for goals rarely related to the health, longevity or usefulness of the animals. Then again, it's the underlying philosophy of most of the dog fancy that's broken -- and only a different way of thinking will fix that.

@75: Cadaver dogs serve two non-ghoulish functions. First: as a means of helping to locate evidence in a criminal investigation. Second: closure. Don't knock how important it is to people.

(starting with the cafe at London Bridge station that sold me a latte made with *sour milk,* eurgh).

Others:
"Stiff Opposition Expected to Casketless Funeral Plan"
The famous "Mush from the Wimp" headline from the Boston Globe
And this bit from the Boston Herald-American:
"By then, she will have shed 80 of the 240 pounds she weighed in with when she entered the Peter Bent Brigham hospital obesity program. A third of her left behind!"

There's also a small but growing number of trainers who realize that we've bred horses to their biological limit of speed already, and the smartest move now is to train them to be more responsive and maneuverable. This requires an investment of time that makes a longer racing career more practical, financially.

I was hoping Barbaro would make it, because he had genes for intelligence, or at least co-operativeness, that would have been great for things like dressage and grand prix jumping. Longer careers than in racing, too, and less likely to break down. (Well, in dressage, anyway.)

SQUEE! You said "dressage." I'm in a barn full of reiners and Tennessee Walking Horse riders and while they are all very nice people, only one person there knows what I'm talking about when I say a horse is behind the leg.

But back to topic--yes, I would have liked to see those genes spread around. One of the things I love about the warmblood associations is that temperament counts as much as conformation and athleticism when they're deciding whether or not to approve a stallion.

I have the same worries. RC likes to wander off sometimes - though lately he simply wanders off to the back yard and sits under my father's work table and grumbles sotto voce about Bubu (the potbellied pig). He's more trusting, too - at first he didn't even like us to hold him in our laps. Now he wants "up" all the time.

As far as Barbaro... sigh. A large part of me wishes they had euthanized him on the track, but then I am always concerned about the claims that the horse isn't really in pain, especially when the break is as severe as this one was.

That image is actually kinda close to the truth. The "Jars" in Plain of Jars isn't a Lao word, it refers to the fact that the plain in question is littered with giant stone jars:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Poj_site3.jpg

My reference to cadaver dogs was supposed to be a subtle reference to bliteotw day (zombies). The book link goes to the CRC book on "Forensic Training and Tactics for the Recovery of Human Remains."

CD's are essential in recovery work. But I do find their name has a hint of ambiguity.

I remember reading how rescue dogs are prone to depression if they can't find survivors after a disaster. Their handlers will get volunteers to be hidden and discovered by the dogs in order to keep the dogs' spirits up.

I'd now write about the psychology of dogs after 50,000 years of co-evolution with humans, but it's late. Still, 50,000 years is a good chunk of time: 40,000 more years than for any other creature.

We have three darling mutt cats and no zombies.

Has anybody here not seen the Hall of Technical Documentation Weirdness? The funniest ones are "eating in the army" and "emotive lamps."

SAVAGE RITES HELD

Jose Lopez plays with heavy heart after brother's death

What a bizarrely macabre thing to do, I thought. Oh, wait.

Thel, #123: Having had more than enough of zombies, I submit the following.
"At your command, before you here I stand; my heart is in my hand (ecch!)..."

"plays 7 days a week... weekends too."

Made me think of an old episode of "Taxi". Reverend Jim had gone missing, and everyone was starting to get worried. many days later, he shows up to work as if nothing happened. They asked where he'd been. He says he was just gone for the weekend. They tell him he'd been gone for ten days. And he looks at them and says in a way only Jim could say: "I thought we went to the metric system"

Maybe we need to use another initial or something?....

Yeah, I'm fishing green beans out of boiling water and cutting them and putting them back in. Not.

Yeah, I'm fishing green beans out of boiling water and cutting them and putting them back in. Not.

"Bonnie L. Hays Shelter seeks solution to mix of cats and dogs."

I blame liberal secular-humanist attitudes toward interspecies mating!

I suppose it can be done that way if you use something like a colander or a steamer basket to hold them while they're in the boiling water, then take them out and dump them in cold water before trimming them.
Not that I'd do it that way, either. Much easier to cut them first. Or last. (Mmm, fresh green beans ... squeaky.)

Though nowadays Costco carries these Perfect thin green beans in their produce area. Yeah, you have to buy about two pounds of 'em. BUT, I parcook them and freeze them in usable packages. And since green beans are my favorite vege Evah, it's a win. But they're so tiny and tender that they don't need to be handled except to coolk.

Could you please leave something, a period, anything, in the text? Deleting it all means that I can't go in to find out the IP numbers or anything else. Junk the post, unpublish the post, strip it all to a single letter, just please don't delete all the text from the post. Doing so removes my ability to do anything at all with the spam.