Election by drinking games!

OK. God, that was bugging me. Carry on.

If Hillary is the Underdog, she HAS to win!

This gives me an idea for a new way of choosing the President.

Election by drinking games!

Or I'll be the dog barfing under the table.

Or something like that. Sorry, having an Eddie Izzard moment there.

"When I heard you'd freed yourself, I put out the breadcrumbs and waited for the wolf to come knocking."

Gursky @13:
If the interviewer was aware of how bad a jumble is, and cared, they would have paraphrased him in the final article.

The essence of a cliché is that words are not misused, but have gone dead. To describe a wet cat as a drowned rat is to use language from which all life has departed, leaving mechanical lips and a vacant stare.

-----
* available online, since the book is out of print...I like! James' writing is pithy and gifted enough to outlast the shows he criticised; it deserves to outlast the publication history of his books.

I'm now pondering the extent to which sportswriting and sports broadcasting are helping to destroy the English language. I'll be over in the corner, conducting a forensic investigation of dead, piteously-abused figures of speech.

In each Generation of Regimes

One gains prominence, reigns by the fist

stoked thru a febrile Onanist's

Millenial Dreams:

Half Beast, Half Fowl,

Half Man, Half Monster

consuming its middle

Four Halves, disemvoweled.

From some swamp rock

surveils its own image

then morosely crows the dark

like a backwards cock;

"More reason now there is than temper,

More mind than there is muscle;

I decrease unto a purple ember

More mass than master now must bustle."

I was thinking database processing; would she reindex some Platonic ideal table of the population of voters in some fashion that would prevent Obama from accessing anyone?

Plus ca change, plus c'est la meme chose.

Xopher #6: Then is Obama Overcat?

Jonah #7: Chose, hell, he won that drinking game fair and square. And people think his misspent youth was wasted....

...

Hillary's campaign manager came out to speak to me, tail between her legs, looking like a dog that had been kicked once too often. She whimpered about Obama's biting remarks toward her candidate, to whom she remained (of course) fiercely loyal. When I brought up Obama's latest ads, she bared her teeth, and growled that he'd get his in the next debate. When I asked about the impending campaign against McCain, she pointed out that he was far too old to learn any new tricks, but was quick to add that Obama was a mere puppy, despite leading the pack at present. After the hard questions, I tried to throw her a bone, asking how ex-President Clinton was doing, but she just muttered something about him being an old dog sniffing after some young bitch, and looked at me with sad eyes. As the interview concluded, and I walked back to my car, I thought I could hear a forlorn howl from the office.

I dunno. Maybe leaving the mixed metaphors in was an improvement....

Abi @27: Hmm, maybe "running the tables" _has_ been co-opted like that - thanks to Diebold!

Rupert Murdoch: And with the death of metaphors, the fat lady sings for the demise of journalism. The fog of war will cloud men's minds, and the dogs of war will be under the table with the empty bottles of mercy. Truly is the sweet smell of success ripped untimely from the taste of ashes, and the candidate becomes the burnt toast of the town.

GWB: Mission Accomplished!

McCain may be too old to learn new tricks, but I think his pandering in the last few months has proved that he can still turn them.

I read that as there's actually a human society in a town named Table Mountain Animal Shelter.

One Line Sci Fi story:

Title: Notable Sign on entering town of Table Mountain Animal Shelter

"Warning to Man - don't let the sun set on you in this town."

I like stories where the title is longer than the story.

That was a joke, ha ha. Fat chance!

I am reminded again how far I am from my blue-collar roots.

(Dang. Now I want a White Castle. Or mac-and-cheese from that cafeteria. The only thing in the house is tinned salmon, some sundried tomato and chopped garlic, and some Trader Joe's pesto, though. This upward mobility stuff is confusing. But tasty, in its way.)

I'm a bit skeptical on the Hillary-as-Underdog thing, though. As we know, Underdog is Humble and Lovable.

But if poker can be broadcast on Sports networks, then surely pool is at least as athletic? Not to mention golf.

A president named George who has a questionable relationship with the English language? That seems familiar somehow.

I left my dogggg on Table Mountain,
High on a hill he howls at me.
I left my left at Albuquerque -
I left my keys in Kankakee.

Luckily, this is not true. He tossed in that one French racial slur.

Ulrika @42: Ah, but poker is not sports either. Poker is cards. Two of the great pleasures in life: playing cards, and shooting pool. (Or shooting stick, as Feldman used to say.) Neither are sports in my definition, as that implies a level of effort wholly at odds with relaxing. Besides, anything you can drink a beer while doing and set the beer down within arm's reach isn't a sport, to me. (There's probably an exception to this, but I cannot think of it right now.)

Alas, pool references are obscure these days. It's ashame, really, because understanding how English* works (in pool and billiards, anyway) is a lesson that transfers to a lot of other important things. We need more pool halls--for the kids' sake! Think of the valuable life lessons they could learn.

Also, ESPN regularly shows tournaments on television--usually 9-ball. That may not make pool or billiards into a sport--I prefer to think of it as a meditative activity that allows you to drink beer while you're performing it.

I do, however, stand by my earlier position on the effect of sportswriters and sports broadcasters (especially the play-by-play guys) of the rapid conversion of metaphors (and other figures of speech) to not just nonsense but errant nonsense. If you thought Pat Summerall was bad, try fifteen minutes of Chris Berman. I dare you.

*Not the language.

Oh, I like that! IMO, it's as good a short definition of the difference between "sport" and "game" as one is likely to see. (Which is to say that some sports are games, but not all games are sports.)

Shame that was a non-commercial station: if it were commercial the airtime sales guys could have gotten up a team called the Promos.

(stretch) Butterfly Collectors: The Entomos

If the community at Making Light fielded a softball team, what would it be named?

PS. This probably belongs in an Open Thread but I'm lazy and this thread was already open in my browser :)

The Photons.

AMBASSADOR JORJAL'AN: Thorpe with the Hail Mary. First and ten. Go long.

PICARD: I represent the United Federation of Planets. Our goals are peace and cooperation, so that we might learn from one another, and increase our mutual security.

JORJAL'AN: Thorpe with the Hail Mary! Heisman fumbles! Loss of down! Loss of down!

;-)

*Except for the women's baseball team.

softball lesbians
golf lesbians
book lesbians

Not sure it really did anything useful for them, but it seemed to amuse the heck out of them.

elise #61: "book lesbians" reminded me of this bizarre little sketch about a feminist book store, by Thunderant, who are, of all people, Fred Armisen (from SNL) and Carrie Brownstein (formerly of Sleater-Kinney, the best goddamn band in the history of bands).

And by the way, who gets the "thread hijacker" trophy this time? There seem to be a whole lot of contenders...

And whether I need more categories.

ethan @ 62: Did your team -- like mine -- have at least one Drama Queen? ;-)

I shouldn't be surprised, but someone actually has taken a crack at imagining the Fascist Octopus metaphor. No jackboots or Swan-singing, however.

elise' list reminded me of the years I spent working for Nike, where I did meet a lot of golf lesbians. Nike did point out the need for at least one more category, though: geek lesbians, who were well represented in the IT department.

There weren't many hipsters, though; everybody there worked out.

The Lucifers, of course. Although, if we could get Phil Folgio to coach, the Sparks would be good.

Dear me. I'm going to have weird dreams tonight, I just know it, of discussing whether or not round tarot decks are antipatriarchal or not.

Ginger @63: More categories are always fun. Any category that can't be subdivided is suspect, yah?

You should've seen our "games" against the Radio Station Hipsters. "The Homos vs. The Pomos".

The only game where one entire team is out before the first ball.

elise@ 67: Infinite subdivision in infinite diversity, eh? There's an awesome power in the cmmunity's ability to find yet another group worthy of support, and debate. And "processing".

Speaking of worthwhile t-shirts (and I admire yours); I have one of the two political t-shirts that I liked: "Lick Bush in '92" (missed the '88 one).

ajay @ 69: I wish I'd thought of that. ;-)

Personally I've always thought that the distinction between "sport" and "game" was that sports require some physical skill on the part of the player(s). Hence, tiddlywinks, jacks and pool are sports, but poker, roleplaying games and chess are not.

This could just be so that I can claim to have been good at a sport--specifically, jacks. I totally rocked at jacks.

Also, does the beer definition exclude target shooting (of any variety, with or without gunpowder) as a sport?

Good grief, I certainly hope so. (Mem.: never go on the pistol range with Carrie S.)

The flyers! Oh, the flyers!

The Photon Thread Torpedoes.

I do, however, think, as a matter of practical consideration, that those shooting sports where casual mishap can lead to people being killed, shouldn't have beer at arm's reach.

Someday you may need to use them when, more or less, impaired.

This doesn't mean I think one should go to the range and drink. It means I think one should practice all but the powder-burning aspects.

I also handle knives when I'm drinking (usually while cooking).

bryan @ #26:

From some swamp rock . . .

elise @ #37: I went back to my blue-collar roots, and have never missed the Big City. But surely Tinned Salmon is an item of décor, not for the tummy.

Lance @ #45: I tried your recipe, with some excitement, but discovered the bowl chunks just won't make into patties. And it's altogether indigestible. Not to mention the damage to my teeth! Have you any suggestions on how to tenderize the bowl?

elise, again, @ #68: I'm familiar with golf lesbians. Here, in the home of Texas Wymyn's University, we also have Peterbilt lesbians, a/k/a Mechanical Engineers with Attitude. Two other categories I'd suggest are Law Enforcement Lesbians (which probably include the military), and Art Lesbians (which include my step-daughter, who's married to a LEL).

Ah, I think this is a good category, although I'd suggest "Uniformed Lesbians" instead. My partner is not LE although she was in the military for a while.

There's nothing like a woman in uniform.

There is a VERY SIMPLE explanation:

Panetta has finally outed the Clintons as ... werewolves!

<national-review style="vicious innuendo">

Consider the facts:

* We tried to bribe them with a silver dollar but they refused to touch it!

* Pork belly futures, as any rancher knows, are what wolves dream of.

* Bill has publicly admitted to being "the big dog".

* Have you ever seen the Clintons on a full moon? It's not pretty!

</national-review>

we also have Peterbilt lesbians, a/k/a Mechanical Engineers with Attitude.

Are they anything like Brick Outhouse-Built Lesbians?

::wanders off in a happy daze::

It's all the same: if you're only wearing half the uniform your are officially Out Of Uniform. So which you prefer is a matter of taste.*

* Though if I were really crude I could point out that standing orders do require male enlisted personnel to salute.

I imagine eight tentacles crushing the life out of a dictionary... forever. ;-)

(I was actually a firefighter in my yout'. I followed my parental footsteps into the town's volunteer FD. They both still fight fires and march in the parades.)