It is, however, our patriotic duty to make the attempt.

Move 2 - Get elected

Move 3 - Profit!

Does it involve magnets, a plate of birdshot and a u-shaped tube?

Especially if we're going to drag the MLA into this.

The proper defense is the CHAOS rocket catcher.

But I'm sure it does a man a power of good.

I'm wondering if perhaps I should sign up (it's secure & confidential, don't you know?) for their free video, but if the moves are anything like the one that's shown in the front page animation (which a friend of mine learned in beginners-level Aikido lessons) they're anything but "'Forgotten'".

The Google ad may seem funny, but it's people like "Braced for Fate" that are targeted by that ad.

I don't know if it's just me, but the lack of commas and dashes makes me read this as "Yes you too can have your self-defense moves backfiring at you like Wile E Coyote's inventions."

After Obama won the Election, some people wondered what would be left for our side's comedians to make jokes about. Since then, we've had Jon Stewart who, after watching the Prez's speech about ridding the world of nukes, accused him of stealing his lines from the ghastly Superman IV: The Quest for Peace and wishing he had instead used lines from the earlier movies - for example "Kneel before Zod!" Also, we had someohow forgotten that the Right's reactions to a Democratic President would provide such a wealth of inspiration. (I'm still amused by the time our building's security guard said that I didn't need to take money out of the lobby's ATM anymore because Obama was going to give me all the money I wanted. I'm still waiting for that big fund transfer, by the way. Maybe I should send Obama an email to remind him.)

You silly twisted boy.

Ah, the lost defensive arts of Rasputin, "Survive your own death, and confound your enemies! Be as twisted as you can be!"

dsr @ 26

Wasn't my idea, that stuff's nowhere near barbaric enough for my taste. Liquorice whip flails or vats of boiling kimchi, now that's a different thing. Without a significant agricultural class, barbarians have to work hard to get enough food. Edible weapons can get you through times of no food better than food can get you through times of no weapons. Now you know what good a glacé knife is.

Mail Ninjas? You mean letter opener carriers?

That's simply not possible. The wingnuts are the Permanent Majority, remember? If they're a majority, how can Obama's election possibly have been legitimate? And they wouldn't lie to us about something like that!

On the other hand, I sneer at CMS (and Turabian), and the MLA Manual, and the lowly APA and Cambridge manuals. If you want to see truly screwed-up style, you must bow before the Bluebook... which dictates exactly how many spaces must be after a period in an abbreviation, and the answer depends in part on whether the document you're writing is intended for submission to a court or not. Or whether an abbreviation that seems perfectly clear to you is, in fact, clear enough to appear in the 70-page multicolumn appendices, which include usage rules themselves.

And that's just the citation rules. Wait until you try to figure out exactly what gets italicized, or the circumstances under which the first line of a block quote is indented, or (actual example from the 12th Edition) whether "Turabian style" is hypenated or not!

This November:

Republicans: Smaller government, lower taxes (and this time, we really mean it)

Democrats: Master Crippling Self Defense Moves Used by Obama’s Goons & Special Ops

I was a bit disappointed to realize it was really just your garden-variety Comma Punctuation Fail:

Surviving Execution,Beheading,Assassinations
Attempts & Escaping From Captivity Course

I suppose the "Attempts" was intended to distribute over the "Execution, Beheading, [and] Assassinations" (sic). In this case, adequate instruction would presumably be along the lines, of "Don't let them do that then."

Surviving Beheading: Or the course could be taught by the Green Knight....

Do they say why you'd want to?

I'm still waiting for my goons. I hope Popeye didn't discourage them.

I would like some clarity on the role played in all this by Ned Seagoon.

I'd be more worried about what side Grytpype-Thynne is on. Having listened to all the existing Crazy People/Goon Show recordings it's pretty clear that he survives to the end of the episode most frequently. Bluebottle and Eccles working together on your side, however...well best to just shoot yourself right away and avoid lots and lots of pain.

And as far as Ms. Minnie Bannister and Major Dennis Bloodnok, Indian Army, Retired go...well, don't. Just don't.

Oh, and Google Searches are wonderful. "Hercules Grytpype-thynne is on Facebook." Oh, really! Time to unsubscribe fast.

Bluebottle: You rotten swine, you deaded me.

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Although it doesn't seem to do much good to survive the first few assassination attempts if you can't also escape the followups; he ended up just as dead as if he had just died in the first place.

This is because the Russian way of counting a series is to start with the word, "Ras".

Now what do we do?

(It's a problem you sometimes see in warfare. It can be very hard to exploit a victory. For instance, Cambrai.)

Goon squad....

Terry 60: That's bloody brilliant!

Tell me if you want anything in that message fixed, or if you'd rather leave it as it is (I think it has tremendous charm as it stands).

Anyway, thanks for the laughs on teh way. :) Rasputin, Crippling Self Defense Moves, etc.