Making Light :: Greatest Corporate Press Release in the History of Civilization :: comments

Greatest Corporate Press Release in the History of Civilization

"We completely understand the public's concern about futuristic robots feeding on the human population, but that is not our...

Greatest Corporate Press Release in the History of Civilization -- comment #1 from Tom Whitmore

Sat, 18 Jul 2009 15:13:06 -0500

Once these robots eat all the plants, though -- what will we eat?

]]>

Posted July 18, 2009 3:13 PM by Tom Whitmore

Greatest Corporate Press Release in the History of Civilization -- comment #2 from Jon H

Sat, 18 Jul 2009 15:19:15 -0500

It's not the futuristic ones you have to worry about, it's when they're present-day robots feeding on the human population.

Hm. Seems like a hole in his statement that you could drive a killdozer through.

]]>

Posted July 18, 2009 3:19 PM by Jon H

Greatest Corporate Press Release in the History of Civilization -- comment #3 from Joel Polowin

Sat, 18 Jul 2009 15:25:51 -0500

"Desecrate the dead? Don't be silly. The EATR will be careful to check the dog tags so it will know which benefactor to praise."

]]>

Posted July 18, 2009 3:25 PM by Joel Polowin

Greatest Corporate Press Release in the History of Civilization -- comment #4 from TK

Sat, 18 Jul 2009 15:29:09 -0500

I want an Eatr, they look cute.

]]>

Posted July 18, 2009 3:29 PM by TK

Greatest Corporate Press Release in the History of Civilization -- comment #5 from MichaeC

Sat, 18 Jul 2009 15:35:52 -0500

Won't someone think of the children of the corn?

]]>

Posted July 18, 2009 3:35 PM by MichaeC

Greatest Corporate Press Release in the History of Civilization -- comment #6 from David Harmon

Sat, 18 Jul 2009 15:49:11 -0500

Ah, much better. Battlefield robots feeding on corpses just struck me as a Really Bad Idea.

Admittedly, robotic "locusts" in an already stressed ecosystem could be a fairly bad idea in itself....

I like how they mention the Geneva Convention rule against desecration of the dead. Pity we've backed out of that over the torture issue....

]]>

Posted July 18, 2009 3:49 PM by David Harmon

Greatest Corporate Press Release in the History of Civilization -- comment #7 from JamesK

Sat, 18 Jul 2009 16:02:44 -0500

There are times when I love living in the future. This is one of them.

]]>

Posted July 18, 2009 4:02 PM by JamesK

Greatest Corporate Press Release in the History of Civilization -- comment #8 from xeger

Sat, 18 Jul 2009 16:14:40 -0500

Truth is stranger than fiction...

]]>

Posted July 18, 2009 4:14 PM by xeger

Greatest Corporate Press Release in the History of Civilization -- comment #9 from Teresa Nielsen Hayden

Sat, 18 Jul 2009 16:17:32 -0500

Come, now. They'd only be a threat if they had the ability to reproduce themselves.

]]>

Posted July 18, 2009 4:17 PM by Teresa Nielsen Hayden

Greatest Corporate Press Release in the History of Civilization -- comment #10 from Turtle

Sat, 18 Jul 2009 16:24:38 -0500

OM NOM NOM!

]]>

Posted July 18, 2009 4:24 PM by Turtle

Greatest Corporate Press Release in the History of Civilization -- comment #11 from abi

Sat, 18 Jul 2009 16:26:13 -0500

TNH @9:
They'd only be a threat if they had the ability to reproduce themselves.

I'd disagree. I'd rather not have even a non-reproducing flesh-eating robot* in the hands of someone with a violent dislike of me.

-----
* Nor a non reproducing-flesh eating robot, now that I've had the kids.

]]>

Posted July 18, 2009 4:26 PM by abi

Greatest Corporate Press Release in the History of Civilization -- comment #12 from Christopher Kastensmidt

Sat, 18 Jul 2009 16:27:43 -0500

Very nice. Finally a technology to defend us from raging zombie masses!

]]>

Posted July 18, 2009 4:27 PM by Christopher Kastensmidt

Greatest Corporate Press Release in the History of Civilization -- comment #13 from Serge

Sat, 18 Jul 2009 16:29:22 -0500

EATR runs on fuel no scarier than twigs, grass clippings and wood chips

...and on kids named Woodrow Chipping.

]]>

Posted July 18, 2009 4:29 PM by Serge

Greatest Corporate Press Release in the History of Civilization -- comment #14 from sisuile

Sat, 18 Jul 2009 16:31:18 -0500

TNH: you mean Like these robots?

]]>

Posted July 18, 2009 4:31 PM by sisuile

Greatest Corporate Press Release in the History of Civilization -- comment #15 from Jon Meltzer

Sat, 18 Jul 2009 16:31:37 -0500

Elizabeth Bennett: you're needed!

]]>

Posted July 18, 2009 4:31 PM by Jon Meltzer

Greatest Corporate Press Release in the History of Civilization -- comment #16 from Charlie Stross

Sat, 18 Jul 2009 16:37:07 -0500

21st century moment FTW!

By unhallowed coincidence, John Sladek's The Reproductive System is nearing the top of my to-re-read pile ...

]]>

Posted July 18, 2009 4:37 PM by Charlie Stross

Greatest Corporate Press Release in the History of Civilization -- comment #17 from Earl Cooley III

Sat, 18 Jul 2009 16:41:28 -0500

Jonathan Swift's ghost approves....

]]>

Posted July 18, 2009 4:41 PM by Earl Cooley III

Greatest Corporate Press Release in the History of Civilization -- comment #18 from Xopher

Sat, 18 Jul 2009 16:43:56 -0500

Jonathan Swift's ~~ghost~~ metal-clad AI avatar approves....

FTFY

]]>

Posted July 18, 2009 4:43 PM by Xopher

Greatest Corporate Press Release in the History of Civilization -- comment #19 from James D. Macdonald

Sat, 18 Jul 2009 17:31:49 -0500

EATR runs on fuel no scarier than twigs, grass clippings and wood chips

Some parts of the world those are mighty scarce indeed.

]]>

Posted July 18, 2009 5:31 PM by James D. Macdonald

Greatest Corporate Press Release in the History of Civilization -- comment #20 from Tracey

Sat, 18 Jul 2009 17:41:12 -0500

That's a press release? It looks like an article from the Onion!

]]>

Posted July 18, 2009 5:41 PM by Tracey

Greatest Corporate Press Release in the History of Civilization -- comment #21 from Matt Austern

Sat, 18 Jul 2009 18:04:39 -0500

Is it just a coincidence that "Cyclone" sounds a lot like "Cylon"? I wonder how many models this company has designed.

]]>

Posted July 18, 2009 6:04 PM by Matt Austern

Greatest Corporate Press Release in the History of Civilization -- comment #22 from mjfgates

Sat, 18 Jul 2009 18:18:46 -0500

I, for one, welcome our new OM NOM NOM NOM CRNCH *bzzt*

]]>

Posted July 18, 2009 6:18 PM by mjfgates

Greatest Corporate Press Release in the History of Civilization -- comment #23 from Serge

Sat, 18 Jul 2009 18:34:54 -0500

So, after the Robot Apocalypse, the Earth's desolate landscape will be strewn with robopoop?

]]>

Posted July 18, 2009 6:34 PM by Serge

Greatest Corporate Press Release in the History of Civilization -- comment #24 from KeithS

Sat, 18 Jul 2009 18:35:08 -0500

He'll garden for you. That's what he does. That's all he does! You can't stop him. He'll wait for you. He'll reach into your compost pile and eat your lawn clippings.

]]>

Posted July 18, 2009 6:35 PM by KeithS

Greatest Corporate Press Release in the History of Civilization -- comment #25 from Claude Muncey

Sat, 18 Jul 2009 18:43:29 -0500

So, according to the press release, these robots are vegans. I assume that when a cosmic ray burst damages their systems and they become zombie robots terrorizing the plant kingdom, they will be shamble forward, rasping "Grains, grains . . ."

]]>

Posted July 18, 2009 6:43 PM by Claude Muncey

Greatest Corporate Press Release in the History of Civilization -- comment #26 from Sam Kelly

Sat, 18 Jul 2009 19:08:35 -0500

So a war robot that lives off the land - that'll be popular with farmers in the area! About as popular as soldiers have always been, really. And modern technology will allow efficient and thorough destruction of crops, rather than just trampling them down where they'll at least form a useful mulch.

I wonder whether clothes and paper products will count as biomass for OMNOMming purposes? (Officially Mandated Neutralization of Offensive Materials)

]]>

Posted July 18, 2009 7:08 PM by Sam Kelly

Greatest Corporate Press Release in the History of Civilization -- comment #27 from albatross

Sat, 18 Jul 2009 19:35:44 -0500

Claude #25:

No, they'll just roll around screaming "Defoliate! DEFOLIATE!"

]]>

Posted July 18, 2009 7:35 PM by albatross

Greatest Corporate Press Release in the History of Civilization -- comment #28 from Lizzy L

Sat, 18 Jul 2009 20:13:05 -0500

I'm so relieved. Really.

]]>

Posted July 18, 2009 8:13 PM by Lizzy L

Greatest Corporate Press Release in the History of Civilization -- comment #29 from Fragano Ledgister

Sat, 18 Jul 2009 20:27:59 -0500

"I assure you, these robots only consume grass."

"I an I sight dat. I an I, want sell de I first-class sinsemilla fi power, de I iBot dem."

]]>

Posted July 18, 2009 8:27 PM by Fragano Ledgister

Greatest Corporate Press Release in the History of Civilization -- comment #30 from Mike

Sat, 18 Jul 2009 20:38:36 -0500

Soylent Energon is people.

]]>

Posted July 18, 2009 8:38 PM by Mike

Greatest Corporate Press Release in the History of Civilization -- comment #31 from sara

Sat, 18 Jul 2009 20:40:54 -0500

Solar power isn't efficient enough? Are they planning to use these robots in high latitudes where there isn't enough sun?

The USA isn't exactly planning to go to war with Scandinavia, despite Republican Congresscritters' opinion of the Swedish welfare state. North Korea might be more credible.

But we already have to worry about immaterial hard AI takeoff. It will probably be the descendant of a spam filter. The IT officer at my workplace confessed, when the new spam filter (called Barracuda) ate some pieces of e-mail I had been awaiting, that he was still "training" it.

]]>

Posted July 18, 2009 8:40 PM by sara

Greatest Corporate Press Release in the History of Civilization -- comment #32 from Serge

Sat, 18 Jul 2009 21:03:02 -0500

Just don't call someone a dickweed or a pansy while an EATR is around.

]]>

Posted July 18, 2009 9:03 PM by Serge

Greatest Corporate Press Release in the History of Civilization -- comment #33 from Bruce Arthurs

Sat, 18 Jul 2009 21:06:59 -0500

When humanity is threatened by an army of people-eating robots, there's only one hero who can save us all!

]]>

Posted July 18, 2009 9:06 PM by Bruce Arthurs

Greatest Corporate Press Release in the History of Civilization -- comment #34 from Serge

Sat, 18 Jul 2009 22:30:47 -0500

sara @ 31... use these robots in high latitudes where there isn't enough sun

Coming soon, "Attack of the Lichen-eating Caribots"!!!

]]>

Posted July 18, 2009 10:30 PM by Serge

Greatest Corporate Press Release in the History of Civilization -- comment #35 from Joel Polowin

Sat, 18 Jul 2009 23:28:27 -0500

Sara @ 31: Solar power isn't efficient enough?

Perhaps not, for these applications. Solid vegetable matter represents accumulated solar energy stored over a long period of time. The sun-powered probes/rovers/landers that we've used for space exploration move pretty slowly (I think) and conserve power carefully, and big solar panels would be a point of vulnerability for a military device.

]]>

Posted July 18, 2009 11:28 PM by Joel Polowin

Greatest Corporate Press Release in the History of Civilization -- comment #36 from Don Simpson

Sat, 18 Jul 2009 23:40:09 -0500

Jason Battersby extrapolates the technology to great-looking rideable four-legged robots:
http://www.coroflot.com/public/individual_set.asp?individual_id=95515&set_id=310275

Meanwhile an onion processing plant is converted to get its electric power from onion juice:
http://www.latimes.com/business/la-fi-onions-fuel17-2009jul17,0,5226835.story

]]>

Posted July 18, 2009 11:40 PM by Don Simpson

Greatest Corporate Press Release in the History of Civilization -- comment #37 from Magenta Griffith

Sat, 18 Jul 2009 23:43:00 -0500

Checks calendar. Not April 1st.

Cyclone? There are *so* many ways to parse that. As in a storm, or a cy(ber)clone or the cylon idea proposed above.

Maybe Wired is having a "trade places with the Onion" day.

]]>

Posted July 18, 2009 11:43 PM by Magenta Griffith

Greatest Corporate Press Release in the History of Civilization -- comment #38 from jsgbs

Sun, 19 Jul 2009 04:30:47 -0500

There are actual carnivorous robots in prototype already. No issues for people (yet) but bad news for mice and insects.

http://www.newscientist.com/gallery/dn17367-carnivorous-domestic-entertainment-robots/2

Eating corpses is just a matter of scale and motivation.

]]>

Posted July 19, 2009 4:30 AM by jsgbs

Greatest Corporate Press Release in the History of Civilization -- comment #39 from James D. Macdonald

Sun, 19 Jul 2009 09:04:07 -0500

#33 Bruce Arthurs ..there's only one hero who can save us all!

[Cue Obi-Wan voice] There is another...

]]>

Posted July 19, 2009 9:04 AM by James D. Macdonald

Greatest Corporate Press Release in the History of Civilization -- comment #40 from Jon H

Sun, 19 Jul 2009 12:34:59 -0500

TNH: "Come, now. They'd only be a threat if they had the ability to reproduce themselves."

Would that include the ability to set up a Vegas flesh-eating robot stage show and travelling exhibition, feeding ticket receipts into various robot-controlled shell corporations with Swiss bank accounts, who hire Chinese factories to make more flesh-eating robots?

Direct reproduction is so.... traditional. Outsourcing is where it's at.

]]>

Posted July 19, 2009 12:34 PM by Jon H

Greatest Corporate Press Release in the History of Civilization -- comment #41 from ajay

Mon, 20 Jul 2009 05:48:25 -0500

29: "Well, sir, frankly the deployment isn't going at all well. It's the robots, sir. They're... relaxed."

]]>

Posted July 20, 2009 5:48 AM by ajay

Greatest Corporate Press Release in the History of Civilization -- comment #42 from Larry

Mon, 20 Jul 2009 13:34:13 -0500

The model number of the prototype is actually OM-NOM1.

]]>

Posted July 20, 2009 1:34 PM by Larry