Over on Pigs and Fishes, Avram Grumer takes exception to Meryl Yourish’s analysis of the dating potential of various superheroes. As he says, “…[I]t92s clear from her comments about Superman that she92s never read Larry Niven92s classic (and pre-Crisis) speculative essay, ‘Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex‘.94
Before adding my own quibbles, let me invoke Meryl’s disclaimer:
Now, this may put me down in the Internet history books as both a comic book geek and a total freak, but hey, I can’t stop my mind from goin’ where it wants to go. Just because most comic fans are guys doesn’t mean that we girls can’t make lists like this, too.Yup. If there’s a female comics fan out there who’s never once thought about this, would she please raise her hand?
So, uh, I was thinking: What kind of dates would the various superheroes be?
First, I don’t know how Meryl feels about Lobo, but the question ought to have at least been addressed.
Second, Wolverine. Her superficial analysis:
Another bad boy. Yeah, we have that attraction to the bad boys. So what? And short? So’m I. I do have to wonder, though97would there be a snikt during the heat of passion? Could be extremely hazardous to your health. Or at least to the health of your bed. Best not use a waterbed.Not enough. There’s got to be another reason why he’s had more girlfriends than anyone besides Iron Man. Ever consider what that healing factor means to his recovery time? On the other hand, it could just be that he knows how to dance.
Third, she entirely overlooks Beast, the only superhero who talks like the people I normally hang out with. He’s kind and polite. He pays a lot of attention to his girlfriends. He’s also cheerful, inventive, energetic, inquisitive, and a techie; and without going into a lot of detail, let me assure you that that’s a fun combination.
Fourth, she only flags a couple of ‘em as being Jewish. Doesn’t she know that unless otherwise specified, all superheroes are assumed to be Jewish? This is an insight of Paul Krassner’s. He explained once in an interview that when he was a kid, he figured all superheroes were Jewish, because where he was growing up, if your name ended in “-man”, you probably were: Feldman, Feinman, Superman, Lieberman, Aquaman, Zuckerman, Iceman, Bergman, Sandman, Goldman, Silberman, Hawkman, Wolfman, Batman, Spiderman, Schneiderman—how much more obvious can you get?