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If it would confuse you to hear someone describe Ash Wednesday as the day when all the Catholics come to work with a shmutz on their foreheads, Hilchos Xmas, a.k.a. the Laws of Xmas if Xmas were a Jewish holiday, may not mean much to you either. By me, they’re funny:
2. THE TREE SHOULD BE CHOPPED DOWN SPECIFICALLY FOR USE AS A XMAS TREE; IF IT HAD BEEN CUT FOR LUMBER IT IS INVALID. IF THE TREE WAS CUT FOR GENERAL DECORATIVE PURPOSES, BUT NOT SPECIFICALLY AS A XMAS TREE, SOME AUTHORITIES ALLOW IT WHILE OTHERS ARE STRICT. A STOLEN TREE IS NOT VALID FOR THE MITZVAH.[9] FORTUNATE IS ONE WHO IS ABLE TO CHOP HIS OWN TREE HIMSELF.[10]There’s also a Hagada for Xmas —9. One who cuts his own tree must make sure that he has permission from the landowner to do so. Ideally, cut only from one’s own backyard. A tree taken from a reshus harabim, such as the county park (which is actually a carmelis, not a reshus harabim,) is considered as stolen and invalid.6. THE LAW IS “ETZ ISH U’BEITO” - “ONE TREE FOR A MAN AND HIS HOME”. THIS TEACHES THAT INDIVIDUALS MUST HAVE A XMAS TREE AT THEIR HOME, AND THAT THE MAIN FUNCTION OF THE TREE IS FOR THE BENEFIT OF THE FAMILY, but public places are exempt. IF ONE WISHES TO PLACE HIS PERSONAL TREE IN A PUBLIC LOCATION HE MAY DO SO, BUT HE WILL NOT HAVE FULFILLED HIS OBLIGATION UNLESS IT IS TRULY SEEN BY THE PUBLIC. IN THIS CASE, “SEEN BY THE PUBLIC” MEANS THAT THE TREE IS LARGE ENOUGH THAT IT IS SHOWN ON THE LOCAL TV NEWS REPORTS.[15]10. One who is unable to cut his own tree should make sure to purchase it from a reputable dealer, or one who is certified by a national kashrus organization.
15. This is the origin of the custom of the great tree in Rockefeller Center, where a shaliach from Lubavitch lights the tree just before sunset on Erev Xmas, and is then returned to Crown Heights by an NYPD helicopter in time for the dinner meal.
This is the fruitcake of our affliction, which our ancestors baked 400 years ago.and some songs:All who are in need, come and celebrate Xmas with us.
All who are hungry, come and partake of this 400-year-old fruitcake, as it is written, “Let them eat cake!”
This year we watch football in the living room, next year may the Super Bowl come to our city!
One little reindeer, one little reindeer,Naturally, it’s accompanied by a Letter of Approbation from the Kringler Rav.
My father bought for two zuzim.
One little reindeer, one little reindeer.Then came a cat and ate the reindeer
My father bought for two zuzim.
One little reindeer, one little reindeer.
As a good Christian all I can say is "Oy gevalt!"
Sorry, I just MeFied it, I'm afraid. Google cache is here.
Hee hee. Oh this is hysterical. I may have to point some friends to see this.
hee hee
Kate
Having been raised a Methodist (athough having been baptised a Catholic -- a dread family secret); and having married into a Reform household; and having already paid for one bat mitzvah (looking toward number two in 7 years. and a bar mitzvah in ten)I had to say I split a gut over this!
Merry Xmas!
Merry
Oh, wonderful! You were on RASFF a couple of day ago, you should drop the url on them as well since Jewish minutiae is one of our favored topics. Or I can if you can't make it.
My favorite thing this year was the Jewish Latino hip hop Hannukah song I heard on NPR. No, really. Is this a great country or what?
MKK
--My favorite thing this year was the Jewish Latino hip hop Hannukah song I heard on NPR.
Damn. I gotta listen to NPR more often.
Now THAT'S funny!
Heard it before, but it's still funny.
Well, I was born and raised a Jew and converted to Christianity (Methodism) about a year ago. So, for me, this is HYSTERICAL. I cannot wait to send it to my father to see his reaction.
MKK ---
I, too, heard that Latino Jewish hip-hop group on NPR the other day (they're specifically Cuban, IIRC)(FWIW). They have a couple of CDs out, I'm told, but damme if I can remember their name. Time to look them up...
Surely you aren't talking about the Hip Hop Hoodios, are you?
Anybody ever heard of the Jewish hardcore band out of Atlanta? They're called "Shalom, Mother".
Seriously. Apparently they've got a serious grassroots following.
Sorry, band name has a word after Shalom, Mother, which I will leave to your imagination.
Our neighbourhood has started putting up Christmas decorations recently; mostly pretty tasteful, but there's a deeply pass-the-insulin Santa on the inner front door that I've been wincing at every time I come in. Thinking of him as the Kringler Rav somehow makes him a great deal less aesthetically offensive. Thank you.
Hip Hop Hoodios it is. Apparently there's a whole Jewish Latino subculture going on. At least according to NPR.
Somewhere here in Seattle I saw a poster advertising an X-rated Hannukah celebration featuring the Erotic Klezmer Band (or something like that). Sometimes this world is just too wonderfully weird.
MKK
I sent the article to my friend in Jerusalem who noted:
"The letter of approbation from 'K.Kringle, Chief Rabbi of the North Pole' basically says that since he's not privileged to know the English language, he doesn't know if what is written is good or bad. But since no one ever reads the letters of Approbation written for English books, he will assume it's OK.
Thought you'd want to know."
Thank you! I was hoping someone would come up with a translation of it.
The part that I didn't get until I broke an Orthodox friend with it (and he started laughing before he even got to the English) is that every bit in there except the name of the Kringler Rav is in fact lifted from *real examples* of the same sort of approbation statements. Even the part where the rabbi says he doesn't speak English so he can't speak for the truth or falsity of the following.
I love footnotes. :->
Hilchos xmas is wonderful, but it is copyrighted and should not be reproduced even in part, without giving the credit. Better to just give the link
First, the original document announces "Permission is granted to copy and recirculate, but only for free, and only if we get the credit (or blame!)." These conditions have certainly been met.
Second, if the actual copyright owners want to express unhappiness with Teresa's quotation of their work, they're free to contact us themselves.
Just for the record, we're discussing the quotation of 406 words out of a 4900-word document which is available for free on the web. Electrolite and Making Light are copyrighted, too, and our work is frequently quoted at greater length than that.
Not that the extent to which we're sometimes quoted is a reliable rule. I occasionally have to send some newbie weblogger a polite note saying "I'm glad you liked the piece, but the usual practice is to quote a bit of it and link to the rest, not reproduce the whole thing on your own site."
But that's my only quibble. Patrick's right -- which is no surprise, given what he does for a living. (Me too.) Being in copyright does not mean "should not be reproduced even in part," though credit should always be given. In this case, the credit is in the form of the link, which takes you directly to the original post on its home website. You can't read the article without going there.
This is me, boggling at someone instructing Teresa on the topic of copyright: 0_0
This is me, suppressing laughter at work while reading the Hilchos Xmas:
---L.