Forward to next post: Holy McGuffin
The Wocky Jivvy website chronicles an ongoing R&D program whose aim is to write a poem so awful that that perennial scam, the International Library of Poetry contest, will turn it down. So far, no success; every one of their poems has been declared a semi-finalist, which means it’ll be published in a Beautiful Anthology, of which the author will be invited to purchase a copy or three, along with other Choice Memorabilia.
Here’s recent unsuccessful attempt.The frustration engendered by ILP’s relentless praise and acceptance led poet David Taub to submit his own string of bad poems to ILP’s contests. Flubblebop is my favorite:
flobble bobble blop yim yam widdley wooooILP declared it a semifinalist, and published it in their Promises of Love anthology. Taub’s other two poems, Nicky Nacky Noo and Yew Gotta Larf, are IMO not quite as lively. They do however have the dual virtues of being written in English, and being denunciations of ILP and its contests and other offers. Here’s a bit of “Yew Gotta Larf”:
yip yip yip
nish-nash nockle nockle
opfem magurby voey
Ahh! “Wurby tictoc?”
bim-burm nurgle shliptog
afttowicky wicky wicky
erm addmuksle slibberyjert! …
Yew gotta larf at any moreon who could write, “your poem was selectedUnfortunately, Poetry.com found the poem’s unique perspective perfect for its new anthology, Seasons of Happiness.
for publication, and as a contest semi-finalist, on the basis of your unique talent
and artistic vision.”
when we all know this is about as artistic
as vomitting on the neigbour’s porch.
Burp… huey… excuse me while I be artistic on your cat.. so much for
the vision.. I never saw your cat.
Now let’s get down to the real truth..
You hope I am fooled into parting with
my cash to see this in your anthology. …
The phoenix which has risen from the ashes of this disappointment is the Wergle Flomp Poetry Contest, which annually awards a prize of $817.70 for the best parodically bad poem which also makes fun of vanity poetry contests. In order to qualify, entries must have previously been submitted to a vanity poetry competition.
Science marches on.