Divine Interventions rocks.

Especially the Haikus.

The cover for "Moment of Truth" (Worst Romance Covers) is an all-time classic. Where was this when Conan and the Lamprey or whatever it was called came out? (Oh yeah, there wasn't really an Internet back then...)

Worst Romance Cover: Beautiful stuff. We should have yearly worst cover awards in the SF world - thought I guess Baen would scoop the awards year after year and it would get a bit boring. Mind you, Tor could receive a grandmaster award for past sins - I'm thinking _China Mountain Zhang_ here.

Robert -- you mean the one you used to call the "Freud's Mother" cover? I've never seen any mention of it that didn't originate with us. Far as I can tell, everyone else registered Conan, sword, babe, monster -- just like we did, until it was pointed out to us.

Steve, I didn't think the original cover on CMZ was all that awful; it just didn't jell. But when you consider that it was a first novel plucked from the slushpile, and that it nevertheless wound up shortlisted for the Nebula, it's hard to believe that the cover did much damage.

There've been far worse covers. I mention none. Except, perhaps, for the paperback On Wings of Song: good book, good cover as such; but they didn't belong together.

From a simple design standpoint, I actually don’t think the first place “winner” is all that bad, except for the title’s type treatment.

I would like to see those who are opposed to environmental laws they consider to be based upon "junk science" back up their words by living downstream from their factories and in the shadow of their smokestacks on the very ground that was formerly used for sludge, discards, and tailings. Otherwise, their positions show only greed and arrogance.

I remember the care my father took in designing covers for the many Science Fiction books he edited.

There's a linked list on my domain, at
http://www.magicdragon.com/UltimateSF/thisthat.html#cover

It takes a while to load (600K+) because it has an encyclopedia of essays and booklists by SF subgenre.

The page is called:

START HERE IF YOU ONLY REMEMBER WHAT THE BOOK COVER LOOKED LIKE

David Hartwell supplied the quotations here, Your Humble Webmaster did the rest [hotlinks]...

* "Futuristic Mechanical Devices?" Try HARD SCIENCE FICTION, but it might be a trick to
get you to read any kind of science fiction.
* "Humans Against a Futuristic Setting, With or Without Machines?" Try SPACE OPERA,
but it might be some related Adventure science fiction.
* "Humans Carrying Swords or Other Anachronistic Weapons?" Try THERE AND BACK AGAIN or
UNICORNS IN THE GARDEN, but it might be any kind of
"fantasy or fantastic adventure against a cardboard or cliched SF background."
* "Hypermuscled Males Carrying Big Swords and Adorned with Hyperzaftig
Females, Both Scant-Clad Against a Threatening Monstrous background?"
Almost certainly HEROIC FANTASY, also known as "Swords & Sorcery".
* Skulls, Discolored Flesh, Sharp Teeth? Try HORROR: that old black magic, the really scary stuff.
* Flying Saucers, Ray Guns, Tentacles, or Bug Eyed Monsters? Try ALIENS ON EARTH:.
Historical Figures in Strange Combinations, Such as Elvis With Hitler,
or Civil War Soldiers Carrying Machine Guns? Try ALTERNATE WORLDS.
* Cute Furry Animals, No Humans? Try BAMBI'S CHILDREN.
* Exotic Flowery Landscape, Perhaps with Castles? Try BEYOND THE FIELDS WE KNOW.
* Futuristic Buildings, Weirdly Dressed People Looking Scared or Furtive?
Try CYBER PUNK, DYSTOPIA, or CITIES OF THE FUTURE.
* Several Identical People, or Emphasis on Glowing Eyes?
Try CLONES or EXTRA-SENSORY PERCEPTION.

"I would like to see those who are opposed to environmental laws they consider to be based upon "junk science" back up their words by living downstream from their factories and in the shadow of their smokestacks on the very ground that was formerly used for sludge, discards, and tailings. Otherwise, their positions show only greed and arrogance."

I remember flying into Houston once, sitting behind a couple of oil company guys, one of whom was obviously new to the area. As we swooshed over Channelview (where the refineries are), the new guy asked something about it. The other guy said something to the effect of, "don't worry about that...that's where your employees live."

My best friend in Texas lives and teaches high school students in Channelview now. Well, time for another visit!

I am now, with a sort of fascinated horror, scouring the net for the "Conan and the Lamprey" cover. Anybody know which title it actually was?

Teresa, even if no one commented on it in print, i can't believe no one else noticed the, uh, "lamprey-like mouth" (as the cover art memo described it). Ah, Conan the _____? I can't remember the title, except that it was that. And I believe the cover i'm thinking of was only for the original trade paperback edition, and not for the subsequent mass market/rack size book. (And so is probably out of print in that format?) I think it was one of the ones Steve Perry wrote, but again I may be wrong...

Or maybe Roland J. Green--yeah, i think it was one of his...Any harcore CtB fans out there? Or Teresa, you have access to the Tor archives...

Grumble. It would help if you marked the particles that are likely to take up far too much time. I went to the Ron Weasley one and at just over 5 hours later (I mean, I had to sit and sell a bunch of books at the same time, and help customers, and all that, but still!) I've finished it -- whoever that is catches Rowling's language and timing and sense of plot very well. Now I'll have to go and add a comment on their reviews; I'm going to wait until I get back to my own computer for that.

Seriously compulsive read. Warning to others here.

Cheers,
Tom

I agree with Tom Whitmore. The chess chapters set in J.K. Rowling's universe are deeply plausible reflections of the characters as I know them. New characters fit the context well. The pacing is appropriate. The chess scenes are better than several other chess novels I've read (though not up to the genius of Nabokov's "Luzhin Defense"). There is a shortage of physical description, except of the chess sets -- which is a proper focus for this homage. Danger mounts. Mysteries elaborate. The reference to an American chess genius from New Orleans over a century ago are historically valid. Morphy did play all contenders in Europe, as a cover for secretly raising money from the Dauphin to help the Confederacy. It's a quibble that JKR has stated that she avoids American characters, for her own reasons. I read this, chapter by chapter, in an upstairs room past 90, 95, towards 100 and I knew I should shut off the PC before its poor fan overloaded, only coming downstairs to douse myself with cold water, and drawn back up to the heat to read Just One More chapter.

I'm no expert on the copyright aspects of fan fiction in others' universes. But I enjoyed this read a great deal. I look forward to more work by the same author, perhaps in an original universe. Well done!

-- Jonathan Vos Post

The Conan And the Giant Lamprey book was Conan the Indominable by Steve Perry, a Tor Oversize Paperback, 1989.

Here's the cover

Looks like he's on the verge of being dominated right there.

Steve Perry's webpage is here.

I read _Midnight by the Weasley Watch_ (the above-referenced Ron & chess fanfic) a bit ago, possibly via the same recommendation; anyway, very enjoyable. I know next to nothing about chess but still found the chess scenes clear and exciting. Also, I like Ron as a character and it's nice to see him treated as growing up somewhat. My only quibble is that the narrative voice initially felt a touch young, perhaps, but I fell into it quickly enough.

This reminds me that I meant to e-mail the author. *makes a note*

Jim: By Ghu, there is is. You should see that thing up close, with all the glistening slippery highlights on the overlapping sheets of pink muscle tissue.

Robert, I'm afraid the first person who looked at it, choked, and said "Has Tom Doherty actually seen that one yet?" was Mike Farren. You, I, Wanda June Alexander, and Tom Doherty had already signed off on it without batting an eyelash. I can't tell whether this proves that we have surprisingly clean minds, or that we couldn't see what it really looked like because we'd seen so many other Conan covers.

Tom, sorry about that. It did the same to me. Blame Jim, who slipped me the URL without adequate warning, costing me hours of time spent happily reading.

Does this mean you don't want to hear about the really excellent cozy/thriller starring Neville Longbottom and Draco Malfoy?

Teresa, of course I want to hear about it! I just need appropriate warnings connected with it. And do you want to hear about the quite interesting Buffy fanfics that my friend Elizabeth keeps passing on to me? http://www.angelfire.com/rebellion/riani1/softball.html is particularly unsettling....

Tom

Don't know well enough how to turn that url into a link I guess -- if you can Make It So?

tom

Goodness gracious. Thanks for the link, James. I, er. Wow. *laugh* I wouldn't have noticed myself, I don't think, without having it pointed out, but if you go in looking for Freud's mother, gosh, you sure see it, don't you?

I think I'll go staggering off to wash my eyes now. :)

-Catie

Thanks, James--I see my first recollection was right. And yes, the more detail one can see, the more it looks like...whatever. Teresa, I'm sure I never referred to it as Conan and Freud's Mother. i believe I usually called it Conan and the Vagina Dentata.I leave it to you what Mike Farren was doing prowling through the Tor production files.

Robert, I swear I never thought of calling it Freud's Mother, and will go on crediting you with the joke.

Mike Farren was in the office because he was visiting New York following the worldcon in Boston. He saw the art because the cover was in mechanical just then, and was taking up a large amount of my desktop. Acquit me of letting him rummage through the production files; I never did.

(Odd datum: these days, anyone in the office can do that. The contracts were removed from the title files and put in their own separate cabinet, and Production was interfiled with what remained of Editorial.) (I know, I know. No need to say it.)

Anyway, I have to wonder whether we'd ever have noticed that interesting feature of the cover art if someone hadn't pointed it out. The more I think about it, the more I believe that it was simply a matter of our having seen so many Conan covers. The second we saw that unvarying logotype at the top, we knew that the art below it would feature Conan, a weapon, a monster, and (usually) a babe. It would have taken a conscious effort of will for us to have laid aside that reading and looked at what was really going on in that picture.

It was a useful lesson, like The Forge of Goo and Love Not Hunan teaching me to look at what the cover type really says. (More recently, I'm sure you'll have spotted Beggars in Spam.) If not for their example, we might have gone on to publish Bloodwino -- though I still like that opening scene you instantly narrated when I showed you the problematic type.

By the way, there's currently an ad on the fronts of NYC buses that could have profited by being checked for that problem. It says "MORE4U" in very large sanserif letters. They mean it to be read as "more for you", but it looks like "Moreau".

If you go and look closely at the cover of John Myers Myers' SILVERLOCK in the original Ace edition, findable on the lovely gallery of Ace Singles covers in the Particles section, you will discover that it's actually SILVERLOEK. Sigh. Bad display faces you will always have with you.

Cheers,
Tom

Tom's reference is to this cover.

OK, who (besides Whitmore) remembers that classic of pre-Stonewall gay life authored by L. Sprague de Camp, Rouge Queen?

In fairness, Beggars in Spam was Avon, not us. And Rouge Queen was, of course, Blue Jay Books.

Furthermore, it said "L. Spraque de Camp" on the spine.

To swipe our Metrocards with vigor, that is the Law, are we not -- uh, excuse me, this is my stop.

Don't forget Get Off The Unicorn.

In regard to today's particles, I would just like to point out that Varieties of Balloon Hat Experience was blogged on the very first day of Electrolite, July 3, 2000.

Teresa said: Does this mean you don't want to hear about the really excellent cozy/thriller starring Neville Longbottom and Draco Malfoy?

If you're talking about what I think you're talking about, a sequel is very close to release--last the author said, the final section was off to beta readers.

I'm thinking of the novel-length _Lust Over Pendle_ by A.J. Hall (available here as HTML chapters or e-book). I wrote it up on my book log a while ago, though you should ignore my general comments about slash as my opinions are no longer what they were.

It's time for me to plug my very favorite Harry/Draco slash-fic: Harry Potter and the Horrid Pain of the Artiste by the inimitable Mary Sue Whipple.

If you're talking about what I think you're talking about, a sequel is very close to release--last the author said, the final section was off to beta readers.

Yay! Lust over Pendle is probably my favourite HP slash story, purely on style alone. (And I thought that even before OotP got me a lot more interested in Neville.)

Patrick: Vell, la-dee-dah. We had quite forgott the post.

Kate, Yonmei: Lust Over Pendle it is -- and I'm delighted to hear that there's an imminent sequel. Tom, don't go near it unless you're willing to sacrifice more reading time upon the altar of thoroughly enjoying yourself.

"Harry Potter and the Horrid Pain of the Artiste" is a lovely romp. What I like best are the grotches and kvetches the students emit when under the influence of the flashing beer bottles. Those passages could only have been written by a wholly pseudonymous writer who happens to be the offspring of two novelists, and who's grown up listening to a great many non-parental writers complain about their lot.

You know, somehow I'd never visualized Teresa in a ruff and a red wig - must send my visualizer out for repairs....

Alan: I remember Rouge Queen; it was one of the very few cover appearances by a local artist (not to mention the sniggers it got in the MITSFS).

And I vaguely recall McCaffrey saying Get Off the Unicorn was caught early and then preferred to her original (or somebody convinced her that her market wouldn't understand the originally-intended meaning of "get").

Elizabeth I on a fiery war-sheep! Ooo rah!

--Elizabeth I on a fiery war sheep . . .

"It is my grave duty to report that John Knox was makin' ready a public statement concernin' this Sassenach apparition when he suffered a morbid attack o' the vapors."

Sorry, Teresa, I shouldn't be tweaking you here. I guess it's just the influence of that lamprey-like mouth. I didn't call it Freud's mother--maybe Madeleine came up with that--it sounds more like her...her sort of humor, I mean. Though without the obligatory mention of wombats.
And I guess this is the place to mention A-Humping We Will Go--which you came up with I believe...

Rouge Queen is a classic. As far as cover type goes, nothing can top the old Galaxy/Beacon sleaze/sf cover of Pagan Passions that put the authors' names before the sell line so that it said "RANDALL GARRETT AND LARRY M. HARRIS FORCED TO MAKE LOVE TO BEAUTIFUL WOMEN"

More about the mourning lithograph for the Poole children is here.

--Elizabeth I on a fiery war sheep . . .

Howard Waldrop's next?

Posting this here because it'd derail conversation in the wussy thread.

I confess my reaction to the odes to urns crack is to point out that you shouldn't be essaying about them, but translating them to
words of one beat. Much better writing practice.

---L.

So let this novel be inurned,
Do not its peace disturb,
Beneath some letters queerly kerned,
This image, and a blurb.
From pulp proposed to pulp disposed,
Now mourn without derision;
Who coined the cliche9 "deathless prose"
Knew not the -Thor- decision.

Hmm.

Does no one know where Mary went?
Elizabeth is on her sheep,
Conspiracy is dearly spent
Where Walsingham doth creep.

No, that's not quite right either.

Power grid, power grid,
Plugged into the North,
Power grid, power grid,
Spills electrons forth,
It takes load from here,
And **click**

Ach. You do that so well.

Today at work, Liz suggested that we do a rejection in verse for all those people who send us their poetry; whereupon I wrote one of my infrequent if not rare pieces of doggerel. I'd quote it to you now, but I don't remember a word of it.

Here's a new topic:
Teresa, have you ever tried any Chinese food recipes? Specifically, mandarin crispy chicken? Got one off the web and hope to try it, but I thought I would consult the Making Light Master Chef for her experience in the field. :)

So Tor's not the market to send my historical fantasy verse novel? It'd be a perfect chance for a publisher to get in the ground floor of Well-Versed Skiffy.

No?

Oh well.

---L.

I have a song to sing-O!

Sing me your song-O!

It's the song of Achilles, who's mad as hell
And he's got a King who's annoyed as well
And they'll beat the drum off to Ilium
And they'll burn down your town for their ladye. . .

We published A Midsummer Tempest. Why not?

And I was about to send in 666 pages of ABAB trochaic tetrameter on the colonization of the moons of the gas giants.

Ah, well, it would just be read aloud at conventions like "Eye of Argon" -- only the object would be to get through it without dying.

<envy>Now that one, Ford—that's good.</envy>

---L.

RE the Schoolhouse Rock link:

A local (?) clothing chain features Bill, the bill, in an advert for a big early-morning sale:

Woman, Bill are outside the store, waiting for the doors to open. Bill is humming his song about becoming a law, woman fidgets. Finally, an employee approaches from inside, kneels, and unlocks a tiny door just big enough to let Bill in. They depart, leaving the frantic woman behind.

She screams, wakes to find herself on the couch, while in the background her kids watch the "Only a Bill" episode of Schoolhouse Rock.

Memorable and entertaining . . . but a failure, in that I don't know what store the sale is in, nor what they sell.

Arbuthnot is back. Cha-ching!

Excuse me: via Julian Sanchez, found whilst following a link in The Sideshow. (Conscience... clearing...)

OH. MY. GOD. You are such an evil woman. And I so want the Maverick hamster. Damn damn damn. Want.

MKK

From the Colonial Carolina Particle:

"Carolina's strategic importance lay in its function as a bugger against the Spanish in Florida and the French in the Mississippi Valley."

Woo.

I think that was supposed to be "buffer," but with those sneaky hot-blooded foreigners one can't ever be too careful.

What I really can't parse is the structure of the page -- it's not a flowchart, and doesn't even seem trying very hard to be one. I expected the boxes to link to fuller discussions, but they don't. Perhaps this is a first iteration of a grander project to come.

Re: Grupo Zaragozano de Papiroflexia, just wanted to say that sinking the face on the Alvarez Daedalus is the hard part. And while it's pretty, it doesn't hold a candle to Takashi Hojyo's Icarus.

But for truly deranged origami, y'gotta go to BARF (Bay Area Rapid Folders).

Re: the proposed Great Seal: God as a giant vulva!

I like the proposed Great Seal -- nice 18th C. engraving on that. Any info as to date, publication specifics? The idea of the American Revolution as the Red Sea closing and drowning the Tyrants is ... interesting, at least.

Cheers,
Tom

On Honest Deception -- I used to spend a lot of time at a magic (prestidigitation) club in San Francisco. I learned by watching many times just how most of the tricks were done. Rather than spoiling the effect, knowing increased my respect for the magicians (particularly the close-up magicians, whose ability to misdirect was sometimes incredible).

Knowing nothing leads to amazement. Knowing a little leads to being blase. Knowing a lot leads to amazement.

First there is a mountain.

Cheers,
Tom

Knowing nothing leads to amazement. Knowing a little leads to being blase. Knowing a lot leads to amazement.

I've argued this with people re: physics and rainbows, not always successfully.

---L.

Mike, I rather liked the idea of South Carolina as a strategic bugger.

Alan, I had a similar reaction.

Mary Kay, I've been lobbying for a Hamzilla.

Report from the worldcon: The art show's thin, and there isn't nearly enough stuff in the huckster room. Perhaps the fan fund auctions will help clean up all the excess money clogging people's pockets.

Um, last I heard the fan fund auctions were Friday afternoon, so either they already cleaned up or ... what was the question again?
Tom W,
halfway through Franken's book as I rode on BART and some very nice stuff on vouchers but no mention of Malkin -- she must be miffed at being stiffed.

Teresa, why why for the love the gods why are you wandering through the complete hymns of Isaac Watts, anyway? Surely even Cowper makes better missal reading.

---L.

Argh! I can never find threads I've commented in once, afterwards, to see what other people said after I wrote. Most annoying. Is there any way to, I dunno, index by commenter, or get a thread to email me a 'Oh, and btw, go to this link, someone said something in a thread you've commented in' reminder? Or something.

Eloise, curmudgeonly enough to want webboards and blogs to work more like frelling Usenet. Or at least for blogs to work more like webboards.

"An Indian swinging ceremony" -- me and my filthy mind. I thought the page was going to be about something else entirely.