How to do it:
1. Rhotic, like, to the max.
2. The basic phonetic unit of pirate speech is the single long-drawn-out letter: R, I, A, etc.
3. Interpolate random piratical interjections: avast, belay, matey, me hearties, blow me down, bugger me standing, etc.
5. Only to talk like a pirate. Not to make walk the plank. Not to sack the Accounting Department. For that is the law.
Addendum:For additional joy, read Avast There!, a piece in—of all things—the Salt Lake Tribune. It begins:
Good evening, I’m Jim Lehrer. Tonight we are joined by several of the Democratic candidates for president. But, before we begin, some ground rules.Arrrrrrrrrrh! And me thanks to Fearsome Beth Meacham, her wot they calls th’ Scourge o’ the Southwest, fer sendin’ it my way.
Today, Sept. 19, is International Talk Like a Pirate Day, an annual celebration founded by a couple of community theater types from Oregon. In the spirit of this wonderful example of pointless American innovation, and in hopes of getting anyone to actually pay attention to them, the candidates have agreed to answer questions tonight in the manner of a pirate captain, or as near as they can get from their experience of watching three generations of Disney movies.
The first question is for Howard Dean, the former governor of Vermont. Governor, what do you propose to do about the high price of prescription drugs?
“Arrrh, Jim boy! Thar be tons of cheap pill up thar in Canada, all a man can carry, ripe for the takin’. All we need do is hoist anchor for Toronto! The Mounties won’t try an’ stop us, and those scurvy dogs from the FDA will taste the point of our grandma’s walker if they get in our way!”Now we turn to Sen. Joseph Lieberman of Connecticut. …