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February 11, 2004

“Thou too mayst be as hung as thys horse…”
Posted by Teresa at 01:04 AM *

Continuing today’s theme of irresponsible glee, here, via Neil Gaiman, is the gang at Something Awful doing awful things to the Bayeux Tapestry. A lot of the jokes are lame, but the cognitive dissonance is something else again.

Comments on "Thou too mayst be as hung as thys horse...":
#1 ::: tomb ::: (view all by) ::: February 11, 2004, 02:00 AM:

If you ever have a chance to see the real thing, it's definitely worth it. Before you go, read The Sagas of Icelanders. I did so by chance, and then when I got to Bayeux, it really helped me understand the tapestry. William and Harald were acting just like Vikings would in the same situation.

The tapestry is of course a work of propaganda from beginning to end. But it's a great one, and William's protestations reveal much of the methods of the time. He didn't capture Harald, he freed him and kept him safe at his court. He was nice to Harald. They hunted together, and fought together against one of William's enemies. Harald was his friend. Of course, Harald said he could have England. Harald swore. It was really too bad that William had to go over and set things straight.

The town of Bayeux is very nice and a good place to stay. It's also a good base for visiting the D-Day invasion beaches.

#2 ::: Claude Muncey ::: (view all by) ::: February 11, 2004, 07:04 AM:

You suceeded, Teresa,

The Windows blue tapestry of death indeed!

#3 ::: spacewaitress ::: (view all by) ::: February 11, 2004, 09:34 AM:

That reminds me of this episode of the popular serial Cat Town.

#4 ::: Skwid ::: (view all by) ::: February 11, 2004, 09:36 AM:

I am sooo going to use a variant of that "CDIV" error...too fun...

#5 ::: Christopher Davis ::: (view all by) ::: February 11, 2004, 10:00 AM:

My favorite misuse of the tapestry maker is still Bob Sawyer's Qveere Eye.

#6 ::: Castiron ::: (view all by) ::: February 11, 2004, 04:33 PM:

I'm too busy wiping spit off my monitor to read further than "Tis XXX leagues to York, We hath a full sack of oats, half a measure of pipeweed, tis dark and we weareth sonne glasses. Smite it!"

#7 ::: Latheos ::: (view all by) ::: February 11, 2004, 04:49 PM:

Pollox sent me over here a few days ago, and I've been enjoying the eclectic variety of posts. This one amuses the hell out of me, enough so that I had to put in a related entry in my own journal.

Blatherings tapestry entry

I'd use trackback, but I'm lazy and still haven't gotten around to figuring out how it works. ;-)

#8 ::: Mary Kay ::: (view all by) ::: February 11, 2004, 05:36 PM:

I had to stop after the Burger King one. I just couldn't take it any more.

MKK

#9 ::: spacewaitress ::: (view all by) ::: February 11, 2004, 08:49 PM:

Castiron - I don't get it.

#10 ::: Kylee Peterson ::: (view all by) ::: February 11, 2004, 09:33 PM:

I laughed out loud at a lot of them, but the Iron Chef one (on this page) is my favorite.

#11 ::: Genibee ::: (view all by) ::: February 11, 2004, 10:08 PM:

I always forget that Something Awful is there, until somebody posts a link to it and reminds me. I had to bite down on my fist to keep the howls of laughter from alerting my boss. Promptly sent it off to all my fellow art history geeks.

#12 ::: Jason ::: (view all by) ::: February 11, 2004, 10:23 PM:

Spacewaitress - it's a refference to an old Apple video game called "Oregon Trail." It was the game to play in Primary School computer classes in the States in the mid-eighties. At least amongst people I've met...

And I was going to similarly comment that those were my favorites. But then I've got an emulator for that game on my computer...

#13 ::: Paula Helm Murray ::: (view all by) ::: February 11, 2004, 10:24 PM:

Was in the office most of the day, waiting for a 3:30 meeting that evaporated at 2:30 (dammit I hate it when that happens.). I came here while waiting for a file from a client, and read this..... I need to write, "I will NOT look at this blog while at the office!" 100 times on the blackboard. I had to go to the restroom and explode lin laughter....

It was that or just explode in place.... Yikes.

All my best! (finally hot water / bathrooms, draining safely OUT of the house into the sewer main..... after 14 days of siege.... now we have to call the driveway contractor....)

#14 ::: Jason ::: (view all by) ::: February 11, 2004, 10:25 PM:

Dammit. I'm getting forgetful here:

I said "those" because the one that reads "thine attempt to ford the river hath failed..." is also a reference to that game.

#15 ::: Bob Oldendorf ::: (view all by) ::: February 11, 2004, 10:53 PM:

Jason was explaining to Spacewaitress that
> "Tis XXX leagues to York, We hath a full sack of oats, half a measure of pipeweed, tis dark and we weareth sonne glasses. Smite it!"

is a reference to the old Apple game "Oregon Trail."

That may be true, but "Oregon Trail" would have been paying respects to
"The Blues Brothers" (1980).

And "The Blues Brothers" probably a lifted it from something in Kerouac, or maybe Chaucer....


#16 ::: spacewaitress ::: (view all by) ::: February 11, 2004, 11:01 PM:

I'm more inclined to believe it's a reference to "Blues Brothers" than "Oregon Trail." I've played Oregon Trail, and I still don't get it, though I got the others.

I thought it might be a play on some rap song.

#17 ::: Bob Oldendorf ::: (view all by) ::: February 11, 2004, 11:19 PM:

Elmore turns to Jake and notes:
"We're thirty miles from Chicago, we have a full tank of gas and a half pack of cigarettes, it's dark, and we're wearing sunglasses."
Jake: "Hit it!"

#18 ::: Jason ::: (view all by) ::: February 12, 2004, 12:12 AM:

Ooh, too true! I spoketh too sooneth and wast not enough familiar with the Brothers Blue...

Ok, enough. I misinterpreted that one in my over excitement about the one that actually was about the Oregon Trail and because I haven't seen Blues Brothers in years. Apologies for the confusion.

#19 ::: plover ::: (view all by) ::: February 12, 2004, 08:07 AM:

One scene, preserved from the era when Tor was releasing science fiction on tapestries, can be found here.

#20 ::: Erik V. Olson ::: (view all by) ::: February 12, 2004, 08:16 AM:

"Thirty leagues from York..." is a Blues Brother's riff. There is, however, a couple of riffs on Oregon Trail, I'll point them out later.

#21 ::: Sara ::: (view all by) ::: February 12, 2004, 02:24 PM:

My favorite was the Burt Bacharach/Hal David "Close to You" reference: "Why do birds...."

#22 ::: Cryptic Ned ::: (view all by) ::: February 12, 2004, 05:44 PM:

I liked the facial expressions in "ENGLISH MOThERFVCKER DOST THOV SPEAK IT?!?"

And "PER ChANCE SAY YE ThAT I COVLD DODGE ThE ARROWS SWIFT AND TRVE?"/"NO FAIR NEO FOR WhEN THOV ART READY SVCh DEEDS WILL BE NEEDED NOT", and "LIFE DOTH ALIKEN ITSELF TO A ChEST OF SWEET CONFECTIONS".

And especially
"hELLO WELCVM TO MINE KEWL TAPESTRIE
IM FOVRTEEN LIVE IN A hUT IN CENTRAL FRANCE AND AM STVDYING TO BE A TAVERN WENCh!
PLZ SIGhN MINE VISITORS TAPESTRY hERE!

VIEWS SINCE MCCLXXIV NINE"

The interesting part is some people's bizarre ideas of "archaic" spelling. I refer particularly to the one that says "MYND YOV MOOSE BITES KAN BE PRETTI NASTI".

#23 ::: Tiger Spot ::: (view all by) ::: February 12, 2004, 05:50 PM:

Cryptic Ned -- actually, "MYND YOV MOOSE BITES KAN BE PRETTI NASTI" is from the opening credits to "Monty Python's Search for the Holy Grail". So it's not the tapestry-maker's idea of archaic, it's the Python's idea of Scandinavian. Well. Without the "Y" and the "V". But that's where the "KAN" and the "I"s come from, anyway.

#24 ::: Ricky Vandal ::: (view all by) ::: February 13, 2004, 08:41 PM:

I wish you God's speed and God's strength with your new edition.

#25 ::: Danny Yee ::: (view all by) ::: February 15, 2004, 11:38 PM:

Better than The Sagas of Icelanders, I recommend The Complete Sagas of Icelanders (though I was lucky enough to get a review copy!).

#26 ::: Jonathan Vos Post ::: (view all by) ::: February 15, 2004, 11:57 PM:

Nice mural scanned by my wife on her part of our web domain:

famous Scots from the Middle Ages

Mural shows William Wallace [Braveheart], Robert the Bruce, Macbeth, Thomas the Rymer and others... and has that same style of lettering as the pseudo-Bayeaux...

#27 ::: Ray Girvan ::: (view all by) ::: February 16, 2004, 04:39 PM:

I also had a play with that Bayeux site. You can see my efforts here and here.

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