I've fallen back and I can't spring forward!

ok i did it... i WORE the elvis wig that i knitted. we have a "pick up" band of local folks that get together on Tuesday nights, and play for dances at the hall. i'm the bass player, and do vocals. so.. picture: i'm 5 feet tall, and weigh 100 lbs.. the rest of the group are these hairy western BC rough and ready male types. i wore the wig BUT didn't get to keep it. every single one of those men had to be Elvis for a while. we rocked like we haven't in weeks. next project 7 (seven!) more knitted elvis wigs.
=)

...forgot my W...

The Mammoth Erection site reminds me that, years ago in Parkersburg, WV, Industrial Erection was right across the street from Industrial Rubber.

Okay, here's a question for everybody...I'm sure this has been answered elsewhere, but I'd like to hear some comments about it here, since you're all "people-in-the-know."
I'm looking for resources in regards to dealing with the "business" of writing. I'm not trying to locate a literary agent or a publishing company. What I'd like to see is a North American version of something like this:
http://www.societyofauthors.net/
Where can a person could go to get real advice about what to look for in regards to signing contracts with agents or publishers? I'm a newbie, so don't mock my ignorance on the matter. I'd like to learn more about the business side of publishing before I start trying to get my work published...Mainly so that when I sign my multi-million dollar contract, I won't make a foolish move...

...wait...what are you laughing at...

...Teresa, why is everyone laughing?

...If you keep laughing like that, I won't come back here...

...stop laughing, dammit!!

I wonder where the birdies is?

Except for the catbird in the oak tree next door which (due to an unfortunate situation involving a gentleman with an ultra-sensitive car alarm to which he declined to respond on a regular basis) shares a sequence of car-alarm noises with us every morning. I know where she is.

What I haven't figured out is where on earth she's going to put her eggs.

Speculations' "Rumor Mill" board is good. You could also get onto SFF Net and join the discussions there. They inherited a lot of the old GEnie SFRT SFWA community. Not everything said there is helpful or accurate, but there are enough knowledgeable pros that the general level of advice is better than average, and they put a check on the more extravagant flights of folly and disinformation.

Not every pro is an expert. If you're in doubt, ask them to explain basketing (aka joint accounting) and the reserve against returns.

I just thought I'd share this cool newsletter link. It's an article called "Getting Untangled: Knitting as a Metaphor For Life". It's by a life coach (who appears on Oprah, okay, not the usual thing for Making Light), but it's about knitting, so I thought some folks might enjoy.

http://www.cherylrichardson.com/newsletter/04-week14.html

You have to wade through two or three announcement paragraphs to get to the good stuff about yarn.

Spring? Ayup, them chirds are birping away like mad.

Mick: Pix? And, while I'm at it, perhaps this song needs to be in your repertoire.

Thanks Teresa! I'll check out the information and contact my fictional agent and fictional publishing company about my fictional book contract regarding my fictional million dollar deal.

Now, to get back on track...I love spring, too...I like the silence of a fresh, spring morning occasionally interrupted by the chirping of a bird migrating back north...I love Canada...

Oh, while I'm at it, and grinning (again) at the Exorcist retelling, here's The Silmarillion in 1000 Words:

ILUVATAR: Ahem.
AINUR: Wow! Existence!
ILUVATAR: *blows pitch pipe* LA!
AINUR: LA LA LA!
ILUVATAR: LA LA!
AINUR: LA LA!
MELKOR: This sucks. BUM BUM BA DUM!
AINUR: Um. . . la?
ILUVATAR: Ahem. LA!
MELKOR: Boop bop-a-doo-bop!
ILUVATAR: LA, dammit.
MELKOR: Bwam bardle ningle boom.
AINUR: . . .
ILUVATAR: Right, you're out of the band.
MELKOR: Fine, I was leaving anyway.
...

I don't know what's more amusing-- being 24 days from commencement--- or knowing that some university officials have Just Now Realized that our planned outdoor commencement, in a wooded area, may have uninvited guests.

Yes, that's right--- the cicadas are coming. Close the shutters, insert the earplugs.

"The Power of Christ compels you!"

How in the heck do you *find* those sites?!

I'm still laughing...and I'll never ever be able to listen to Tubular Bells the same way ever again. Damn it.

"Spring has sprung
The grass is green
Get off your horse
And join the Marines."
-- John Wayne

Re: The Silmarillion in 1000 Words: I particularly liked: EARENDIL: Wow, planetary orbit!

(There's also a narrative version later in the comments.)

Re: cicadas: I know they're harmless, but I really really do not like bugs. I am so glad I'm not in the DC area any more . .

Yes, we're all battening the hatches against the cicada onslaught in DC. Well, at least we will be when we return from currently overcast California....

My husband has been sending me endless links as to how to keep the buggers out of our azaleas. Apparently, cheesecloth does the trick!

I miss cicadas shells. Pluck them off the tree, stick them to the cat. Styrofoam peanuts with static cling just aren't the same.

Maybe cicadas will join the glass bug collection.

You could also get onto SFF Net and join the discussions there. They inherited a lot of the old GEnie SFRT SFWA community.

I always forget SFF Net. Speaking of publishing info, are there other small, POD-based outfits out there, like Wildside Press, that are reading manuscripts? (I don't mean the self-pub models).

(Yah, spring has sprung, the grass is riz, and time for the season's first Beefeater and Tonic....)

I miss cicadas shells. Pluck them off the tree, stick them to the cat.

Christina, that's sick!....but funny, and I can't wait to try it!

"...forgot my W..."

Oh, if only the rest of us would forget our W!

Patrick Farley mourns the Easter Bunny:

http://www.livejournal.com/users/pfarley/31191.html#cutid1

Thanks for the Patrick Farley link, Stefan -- an inspiring bit of reflection it is.

John, is it important to you that a small-press be PoD based? Exactly what printing technology they use isn't often the first thing they mention, or even particularly relevant.

You might go directly to Lightning Source and ask them who they provice services to, though. They claim 2,300 publishers use their services for at least some of their printing needs.

...der little boids is on der wing --
but dat's absoid!
Der little wings is on der boid!

Ah, curse you Teresa, for reviving this brainworm from my youth! And a no-doubt posthumous kick at Arnold Silcock, too.

>I miss cicadas shells. Pluck them off the tree, stick them to the cat.
Christina, that's sick!....but funny, and I can't wait to try it!

Janet, that's what they're for. They also stick nicely to people's clothes, and make a satisfying crunch underfoot.

I was probably 16 or 17 before I ever saw a live cicada, but crunching the shells was right up there with pulling those red beans out of magnolia seed pods. (There's not a whole lot to do in Gainesville.)

James, thanks. Actually, no they don't have to be PoD, but I was using Wildside as an example so I had it on the brain...

Any thoughts on the two huge changes in editor at two of the major science fiction magazines?

(1) Gardner Dozois departing as editor of Asimov's Science Fiction, after over 18 years, to pursue other projects (i.e. have time for his own writing...). He'll stay with Asimov's as Contributing Editor (i.e. guidance, online, and public events). Sheila Williams, currently Executive Editor, will become Editor; her first official issue being January 2005. Gardner Dozois won the Hugo Award 14 times (as Best Professional Editor), and won the Nebula Award 2 times, in 1984 and 1985 (for Best Short Story).

(2) David Pringle stands down as Interzone's publisher/editor, where he reigned 22 years. Andy Cox moves up to Editor/Publisher. Cox is publisher of TTA Press and The Third Alternative magazine, and will keep Interzone a mostly SF magazine. David Pringle has a farewell editorial column to appear in Interzone, Spring 2004, Issue No.193, to appear in May.

I've never sold anything to Dozois or Pringle, but have had enjoyable correspondance with both, and fine conversations at cons. They made their magazines outstanding.

So... who will be the Making Light mole inside Asimov's and Interzone to tell us more?

Um, did I hallucinate a dead link in the Particles to a LiveJournal post written by a Nabokov character?

Nabokov is a Writer's Writer. He is one of my favorite authors. Further... excerpt from
http://www.magicdragon.com/UltimateSF/authorsN.html

Vladimir Nabokov (1899-1977): Major novelist, short story author, poet, teacher, critic, entomologist/lepidopterist, who wrote primarily in English after roughly 1940, although fluent in (and writing in) Russian, German, French, and English; born in RUSSIA; resident in U.S.A. (1940-1959); resident in Switzerland (1959-1977):

Vladimir Nabokov: Various of his novels, short stories, plays, and poems have either Fantasy, anti-Fantasy, Science Fiction, or anti-Science Fiction elements...

Yes, spring is definitely here. The grass is getting mowed today so Shiva, poor kitty, is spending time under the bed on a day when we have the windows open!

The trees are thoroughly pollinating my van. I wonder how you'd raise a tree-van.

Julia, I have plenty of birds, but then I have two bird feeders on my porch (can't put them in the grass, that's common property). They also serve squirrels and the occasional rat.

Jill, according to the WashPost, the cicadas won't harm the plants, just be noisy and squeaky underfoot. If any come into the house, I expect the cats will eat them. The WashPost also had recipes on how to cook them.

Christina, I wonder if I can make jewelry from the shells.

...
where last year's
careless drivers is
Burma-Shave
(really)

Oh, and y ppl complaining about cicadas -- I am scheming and plotting and planning a way to spend a couple of days with Brood X, and I'll have to cross the country to do it! This is up there with the Monarch butterfly overwintering sites in Mexico for me, an insect spectacle of the must-see variety.

I don't know where all the birdies is. The wild turkey that I scared up while out strolling this morning has undoubtedly come back to earth by now, but he exploded out of cover quite... explosively. If my heart rate hadn't already been up (from walking up the stupid mountain), that would have done it nicely.

Also, the person or persons responsible for leaving pop cans AND spent shotgun shells along assorted trails in James Buchanan State Forest between the abandoned turnpike, state route 915, and the ridge of Ray's Hill that divides Fulton county from Bedford county... all ya'll deserve to be gutshot and left for dead where you littered, without your ATVs.

The litter is probably not left by 'casual' hikers. It is not possible to get to the location of the litter without either an ATV (and the trails are "closed" to ATVs so if they're doing that, they're doing it illegally) OR two to three miles of shank's mare over fairly mountain-like scenery. *sigh* It's not the sort of place that's attractive to 'casual' hikers -- there's a lot of work to get to it and nothing particularly stunning to see when you get there. And what really, really sucks is that the damn litter bothers me enough that I am going to have to go out this weekend with a backpack and a trash bag, to clean up after a bunch of worthless freaking yahoos who drive their stupid ATVs all over the mountain, erode the crap out of the no-ATVs-allowed trails, and leave their stupid soda cans and spent shells along the trails so that they can irritate me.

All I can say is that it's a good thing I don't walk with anything more dangerous than a digital camera.

Monday was a gorgeous day. I spent the late afternoon in Lexington. No, I did not see The Tourists. No, I did no see The Re-enactors. I went, where I've been going for many years on Patriot's Day Monday, to Lexington Garden's annual Patriot's Day 15% off sale. Last year was wet and cold and miserable and pouring rain and almost snowing out. This year it was 85 and bright and sunny.

The Victory Garden (Lexington Gardens is the home location for that show. Presumably WGBH hauls all the video recording equipment there to shoot the show, because there isn't a TV camera or a coax cable or digital video cable or a studio light to be seen anywhere in The Victory Garden environs) looked like it's had the spring cleanup, no debris from fallen leaves (there are some trees nearby that leaves can blow in off of), no leftover above ground dead plant stuff, bare ground where new plant growth isn,t, the walks and bridge over the water feature all clean swept, etc.

Something was blooming, I;m not sure what. The tulips are up, but a few weeks away from blossoming. I saw three koi briefly, swimming around in the water feature and the going lower into the murky water.

I don't have pictures, because my digicam jammed. It's now out to get an estimate for getting it fixed. Sigh.

Yesterday I got over to Mahoney's in Winchester, the original Mahoney's site (it has since bought up garden centers in other places in the area). I have pictures of Mahoney's seasonal Christmas shop from six months ago, where the South Greenhouse building has a large spread of decorated Christmas trees and decorated cast iron tables and chairs, with the ornaments on the trees for sale (and signs indicating that on the trees), with the ornaments ranging from Peanuts charcters, to Mother Goose riding on a goose, a Spongebob automatic bubble blower on a shelf, and the more standard run of decorative items. Mahoney's apparently likes having people taking pictures onsite at that time of year (I didn't know that at the time, but...). It makes sense -- Mahoney's isn't selling itself as a location for shooting (Tower Hills Botanical Garden in West Boylston, which is a very pretty place and which has some very nice views overlooking e.g. Wachusett Reservoir, requires registration of people taking peoples... if someone's going to sell pictures shot at Tower Hills, Tower Hills wants a cut of the proceedings I think is the situation), it's selling plants, cut flowers, other gardening supplies,and horticultural services on a continuing basis, to customers some of whom have been going there for decades (like me...). Tower Hills' scenery is most of what Tower Hills gets its income from -- memberships from people who come to look at the site and wander around looking at plants, the Folly, the boggy plants and wildlife (there's a bird watching area), admire the view, get ideas for gardening, to go lectures and talks and sometimes concerts held there, and perhaps buy a book or something in the shop, wander through the orchard of 119 different varietis of antique apple, two trees per variety... But it's not a commercial florist/garden center, and most of what it makes it income on, is its scenery.

Lexington Gardens this year didn't have much in the way of shade perennials out yet. Late in the afternoon employees drove a tractor with a trailer full of plants they were unloading onto the shade perennial racks.

Much of what Lexington Garden's had out was pansies -- lots and lots and lots of pansies. Indoors, it had lots and lots of geraniums. I didn't notice any coffee tree seedlings this visit... I have a small pot of them bought there that I have been meaning to repot into individual pots for months. Coffee tree foliage looks very much like gardenia foliage, except that coffee trees are -trees- and gardenias are bushy flower plants. Coffee tree blossoms look like gardenia blossoms, and are sweetly scented, but not cloyingly so (gardenia blossoms are cloying). There was a fair amount of herbs out on the herb tables indoors, including some scented geraniums (there are several different varieties of geraniums... there are even succulent geraniums, but the only place I've ever seen them is at the succulent plant society, once, at the plant societies tables area at the annual Tower Hill plant sale. Scented geraniums get used in sachets, and culinarily. The flowers tend to be small and inconspicuous. There are a bunch of different scented geraniums -- lemon secented ones, cinnamom, apple, peppermint, chocolate mint, ginger, lime-scented... they're usually treated as annuals, but they're perennials, and can stand -some- cold and frost. Two of the ones I had last year have so far survived the winter (I dug them up and took them inside. It gets tricky, because too much water and they rot and die, too little and they dry up and die.) They's a staple at various of the spring plant sales -- the Lyman Estate greenhouse and plant sale has them, the other historic estate house that has a plant sale in the spring (I can't remember the name of it at the moment) in Waltham has them, I can't remember if the plant sale at Stevens-Coolidge Place in North Andover has them, the Herb Society of America's plant sale at Elm Banks (Massachusetts Horticultural Society site) has them, and Mahoney's, Lexington Gardens, and Logee's (in Connecticut) have them. Logees in particular has -lots- of them.

Other varieties of gernamiums are the ones that appear in every plant-selling supermarket in the universe and garden center in existence, Martha Washington geraniums which abundant dark green non-cut-leaf foliage and profuse large blossoms, ivy-leaved gernaniums (which I haven't seen much of in recent years) which are much more durable that standard treated-as-annual geraniums (I have one that survived hanging over the kitchen sink spilling down and getting hacked periodically when it got in the say, for a dozen years before it died, I'd take what I cut off and stick it back into the pot. I should have repotted, but never did), and the native North American geraniums, such as cranesbill, some perennial and some I think biennial.

Mahoney's had some glorious hibiscus blooming away -- the herbaceous indoor plant variety that grow into bush-size. There were a few mandeville [mandevilla?] vining on trellises in large post and starting their blooming. There were lillies in bloom -- some Easter lillies, some Asiatics. The Asiatics are doing poorly up here outside, Mexican bean beeltes or some such have been chomping them towards nonexistent survival in the area in recent years.

Mahoney's had very few herbs on their herb tables. They did have flats of lettuce, Brussel spouts, pots of spinach... the herbs were limited mostly to scented geraniums, a few variest of basil, lavendar, rosemary, and parsley. Those and other herbs were at Lexington Gardens. Mahoney's is much larger, especially in its indoor facilities.

I can't remember whether it was Lexington Gardens or Mahoneys that has passiflora (passionflower vines) blooming, which can be spectacular. There's a native hardy one, the maypop, which someday I intend to have in my yard. Most of the varieties aren't winterhardy. There are about three or four or so different varieties that Logee's carries that have edible fruit -- the maypop, passiflora edulis, passiflora incarnata, and at least one other.

Out in my yard, which I need to get out and do Yard Work in, the daylillies have sprung up in the last couple days -- that 85 degree Monday did wonders for "I think I'm gonna SPRING UP AND GROW!" spring-sprouting plants, some pansies either overwintered or reseeded during the winter, the chestnut tree and the filberts sprouted leaves, the volunteer black cherries have started leafing out, the pair of robins have been out and about and possibly started building a nest in a juniper/cedar [same thing, not sure which is the more proper name, more volunteer plantlife], saw one of the year-round resident bluejays yesterday, and there's a flock of grackles that have been around for weeks. I also saw one of the resident mockingbirds.

I'm so pissed I can't see straight.

http://www.livejournal.com/users/ginmar/

Hi Marilee -

According to the many sites my husband unearthed, the cicadas' egg-laying includes some chewing of woody-stemmed plants such as azaleas, hence his concerns. Arise, ye woody stems and fight the cicada!

On another note, I do fear that our week in the Bay Area will cause us to miss their flowering this year. Nuts.

Terry: yes, and explosions all over the place, and just a bad day overall. I'd been feeling virtuous about bringing in books to mail to soldiers, but (as I said there) I'd much rather have hot showers than books (heresy? no, just how much I love hot running water) and those I can't mail.

And even if I could, I shouldn't *have* to.

Terry - I see what you mean. Those unimaginable BASTARDS.

I wonder where the birdies is?

The birds is on the wing!
But that's absurd --
I thought the wing was on the bird?

Who wrote that little verse? And is there a proper winter version to go along with Pound's "Winter is icumen in"?

The birdies landed, but they's gone
'Cause 2,4-D is on the lawn.
The birdies sing whereat they please,
For quoth the raven, "MP3s;"
Excuse me if I'm less than wordy --
I need this putt for one more birdie.

Jill, the azaleas in front of my kitchen window (which I hate and don't mind the area being taken over by volunteer ivy, although I think the grounds people should probably pull it off the siding) are almost in full bud. I expect blooming anytime.

Terry, pissed doesn't cover it, but it will have to do. Reading that put me all the way to the silent white-lipped dangerously angry stage which took a brief walk beyond earshot to work off.

I sincerely hope that KBR employee gets home safe and intact, and lives a long enough life to realize just how much of an asshole he is. But that may take quite a while.

Completely unrelated to anything else, but my hubbie forwarded this link to me today after doing some research for his food and nutrition class:

http://www.illwillpress.com/fatkins.html

Lots of swearing but very funny.

Sydney is having its Season of Fogs & Spiders.
Walking under the street trees or beside well-shrubbed gardens or parks, hundreds, maybe thousands of overlapping webs glisten in the still-cool morning sun with the dew left from the early mist.
Leaf Rolling spiders, Golden Orb spiders, St Andrew's Cross, ones I don't know, all feasting on the insects that, now the local summer drought has eased a bit, are in a frenzy to get their multiplying done by the time the cold weather bites & all the late-summer flush of flowers is over.

This last week we've had our first fogs of the year, as the morning sea-breeze, still warm from the slow-cooling ocean, hits the chill air that's had its heat sucked out by the fast-cooling land. Only the biggest ferries, which have radar, are running on the harbour and with luck we'll have some lovely photos on the news tonight or in tomorrow's paper.
The moon is new now, but last full moon was on a lovely soft evening, still unedged by the crispness I expect to feel when I watch next full moon rising over the water.

Cidadas: If they work the same as ours, the eggs are laid by plants' roots, and they grow underground for several years, feeding by sucking on the roots. Then any feeding they do after hatching (when their main job is to mix dem genes & lay dem eggs) is also by sucking sap from above ground. I doubt they'd do very much damage, tho, unless in great numbers when the plants are already weak. And it's quite a memorable experience.
There's a whole mythology about Australian cicadas, not connected at all with the Chinese & other symbolism of them as far as I can tell.

It's cicada time in DC again? That means it's been seventeen years since one flew down my shirt.

And yet I remember it as if it happened yesterday.

What happened to the Paris Hilton autobio link? Wouldn't work, and then it was gone.

Ginmar's KBR pal is certainly a rotten bastard. And you know if she were a colonel, the guy would be kissing her ass.

It's autumn here. The sky's bare naked blue today, showing the leaves off to advantage.

We've had some cold nights in the last week. I had to get the heater out. Each time I walk outside, I get a surprise - it's autumn, it's autumn!

The cicadas are shrilling here too.

In academic terms, it's week eight of the first semester, so I'm treading water among assignments. There's not enough time for anything. But I know by this stage that it'll pass. I hope I, also, pass.

Kate: Bitch, complain to your congresscritter, send a secondary e-mail (cut and paste) to a local news outlet, get an anti-war, pro-troops group agitating about such things (one of my confreres, when he's feeling pissy about the war, asks such people what concrete thing they've done FOR the troops lately. Being against the war is well and good, but books, sardines and Tang are better, as far as we're concerned, but I digress).

As for showers, I understand, believe me I understand. Risking TMI (you were all warned) I went from the 30th of March to the 12th of June without a real shower. Bucket baths and baby wipes. When I got to Germany, in July I think I spent about 30 minutes just standing in the hot water. At Walter Reed I had a tub, luxury beyond measure, a pearl beyond price.

But the showers are not the worst of it (after all, I know one can go for months without one, and still be tolerably clean) it's the apparent gloating about the cutting off of communications. I remember being cut off for about five weeks and the amazing frustration which went from not being in touch. The worrying about how Maia was handling it, and the agony of her having gotten to the point that she didn't check her e-mail, because it was just going to be empty. That week (of not getting any reply) was indecribable. For some REMF puke, with his gym, his huge paycheck, his ability to quit, his air-conditioned room, his (almost certainly) unlimited drinks, and his coffee breaks, his television, his internet, his sat-phone his everything to have the attitude he does, well... if thoughts could kill.

Claude: Yeah pissed doesn't cover it,, but I was hard pressed to get that much typed, and my day since has been filled with a sort of bland disconnect, and miserable lack of any enjoyment, which is part of why I may not be so charitable as you are to the employees of KBR, but then again, I had mail held up because they thought it was too risky to move it forward, so they are missing lots of brownie points already.

Xopher: No, they aren't bastards, just lazy, self-involved, overpaid fucks. Makes one realise that Wille and Joe aren't dead, and how much I wish the Army was running things (silly me I thought KBR was just supplying services, I didn't realise they were in charge.

to quote Joe Hill... "organise."

Terry

Man, Ginmar has guts. Her account could work as an OpEd piece, but I wouldn't want her to get in any trouble.

Maybe a Very Special Episode of J.A.G. will cover the swinishness and greed of outsourced logistics . . .

Um. Hi there! *waves shyly* Just wanted to thank you for being kind enough to link to my little summary of the Silmarillion... I'm Camwyn at LiveJournal, you see. I never thought it'd attract that kind of attention. Glad you enjoyed it!

(Now if I can just finish editing my original fiction and get it sent out...)

Look what else the spring brings: Virgin mouse gives birth.

Pattery, pattery,
Kaguya, mouse-daughter
born of a virgin doe
with no male spouse:

Maiden-mammalian
parthenogenesis--
sisterhood's saviour; her
name shall be Mouse.

(With thanks to the bad rat Socar Myles for her creative and critical input.)

So these guys are playing golf, yanks against the deadly foe. On the 18th green, one yank says to the other, "If you don't sink this putt, the terrorists will have won."

To pretty much quote an angry dolphin on the Tick cartoon, "That idiot! That's not haiku! He's just counting syllables!" Too many people think if they can count to 17, they can write a haiku on any topic. The way I heard it, a haiku has to be on some specific thing. Nature, I thought it was. That makes verses about traffic lights and error codes right out. I await correction.

Just had to mention that. Nobody here brought it on. Open thread.

Counting beats
Is all I do.
That makes this
A haiku too.
Burma Shave!

Camwyn, I enjoyed your Silmarillion piece so much I sent the link to the Mythopoeic Society discussion list, where there has been much talk about lust for shinies...

Kip,
See Haiku for People. Haiku should include a season or something symbolic of a season. Each poem should comprise two independent descriptions in such a way that each concept provides a deeper understanding of the other.

One of my favorites is by Kijo Murakami:

First autumn morning:
the mirror I stare into
shows my father's face.

Is what Kip produced closer to a senryu?

They're similar to haiku in structure, but typically address human nature in a satirical or ironic manner.

Of course, Kip may not feel that bit of verse was ironic or satirical--even if I do. The use of "Burma Shave" just seems to have that effect on me.

Haiku: I understand that times of day will also do.

Terry: I guess I consider "lazy, self-involved, overpaid fucks" a subspecies of bastard. In the conventional, not the literal sense of the word.

And thoughts, if handled badly, can kill. Unfortunately they seldom kill the person you'd like them to.

So...um...somebody want to tell me what it was that was so infuriating on Ginmar's journal? 'Cause it all looks to be in order from here...

Skwid, it's not GinMar's journal but the evil KBRites she writes about, acting like they're somehow superior to the grunts whose camps they're meant to be running.

Ginmar's making do with a cold shower every third day, sharing bunk room with a bunch of other grunts, no a/c, and all the rest, while the contractors are parking their butts in front of their computers all day with hot showers whenever they want, full aircon, etc, etc. And one of the evil swine threatened to cut off her internet access.

Isn't there a famous american saying about not pissing off an armed person? If not, maybe Ginmar can help get it established....

Oh, I remember! Niven's Law: Never throw shit at an armed man. Or armed woman who hasn't had a hot shower for weeks, I guess....

Nice Cup of Tea and a Sit Down.

---L.

Any notion on how we can help her get the kitten shipped stateside? If it would help her to know it was safe, I'm willing to do what I can to get it to a vet and give it a cushy place to purr while it waits for her to come home.

Camwyn, I enjoyed your Silmarillion piece so much I sent the link to the Mythopoeic Society discussion list, where there has been much talk about lust for shinies...

*whistles* Sweet mother of Melkor. I'm honoured. Thank you!

Okay, I'm sitting in my dining room, writing code for my semester project for computational physics class--- and one of the drop ceiling panels just fell out of the kitchen ceiling, thanks to debris/stuff from the remodeling crew working in the upstairs bathroom.

Fun filled day.

NelC wrote: Skwid, it's not GinMar's journal but the evil KBRites she writes about, acting like they're somehow superior to the grunts whose camps they're meant to be running.

Ah...I see there's a locked entry. Would it be that one, maybe?

I know where da rabbits is! (one was eating my lawn this morning).
I had a parakeet once upon a time that could recite that ditty. When he got excited he'd scream "spring has sprung! spring has sprung! spring has sprung!" Sydney (the parakeet) also sang, "kill the wabbit!" Need I point out that his cage was in the same room as the tv? I wonder if that constitutes animal cruelty?

Other signs of spring. I ate the first radish from the raised beds. A tasty French Breakfast radish, crisp, crunchy and just a little bit hot, yum. The tomato plants are ready to move into larger pots on the sunny (relatively), protected part of the deck (with a wary eye on the final frost date of May 15) and, glory be! the sun is shining! (hey, I live in the Pacific Northwest, sunshine is definitely something to get excited about. And a day when you might need sunblock is priceless!)

I went to the first of many plant sales over the weekend so, now, back to the gardening.

Bill Blum:

Since you speak of: "my semester project for computational physics...", I wonder if I can ask you a question.

My fifteen-year-old son is a double major in Physics and Computer Science at a local university, getting an A average. Yesterday, while driving him from campus (15-year old in a dorm? no way!) he asked what good is Physics for Computer Science and vice versa.

I suggested the following, and wonder if you can comment:

(1) "The Matrix Theory" -- how can Physics experiments determine whether or not we exist in a simulation, instead of in "the real universe"?

(2) How can really good simulations cast light on physics hard or impossible for us to do (i.e. colliding black holes, looking inside quarks and gluons...)?

(3) How can software deal with the oceans of data from Big Science Physics projects, to find rare events in noisy measurements? (i.e. gravity wave detections, particle accelerator collisions in detectors to find new particles like the Higgs Boson)...

(4) How can Phyics develop technologies for future computer hardware (i.e. as Thomas J. Watson center at IBM does; Nanotechnology; Quantum Computing...)

(5) Fundamental Physics meets Fundamental Computer Science: what is the relation between Communications Theory's Entropy and Thermodynamics' Entropy? What happens to the information in an object that falls into a black hole which then evaporates?

He objected to (1): "Physics can't tell if we're in The Matrix."

I replied: "Yes, if the programmers got sloppy"

He suggested (agnostic though he is): "If God is a Programmer, then He is a Very Good Programmer."

Just wonder what your take on this is, so I can pass it on to him. Thanks!

Did anyone else see this?

Woman loses her job over coffins photo

Heya, Camwyn. It was much enjoyed, and we're glad to see you turn up in its wake.

For those who like this sort of thing-- probably the cutest Nigerian Scam E-Mail I've seen so far:

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2004/04/16/cosmic_419er/

Subject: Nigerian Astronaut Wants To Come Home

Heh. Real or not, it's brilliant.

Jill, I don't recommend it, but today's KidsPost has a story on a cat that survived three months in a cargo container (China to Florida). Oh, and my azaleas have started to bloom today. They're amazingly gaudy flowers and I wish the board would let me have something else planted.

Skwid, yes, the entry has been locked.

Michelle, I hadn't seen the coffin picture story, but it doesn't surprise me. I think if we watch the live troops return, we should watch the dead ones return. I think watching the flag-draped coffins confers honor to the dead and their families.

Apropos of nothing, at ConQuest this year (our annual Memorial Day Kansas City SF/F convention) we are collecting books for Operation Paperback to get books to the forces overseas.

Here's a link to the guidelines, they're not that specific except to mostly be respectful of the sensibilities/rules of the Muslims and also not to send crappy, dirty, trash books (that really need to just be trashed, sorry, paperbacks that have gotten wet, moldy or otherwise just need to go), plus no juvenile literature.

http://operationpaperback.usmilitarysupport.org/what.html

If you are coming, bring books! If you want to send me anything, contact me at dragonet@kc.rr.com.

Thank you very much!

Roger L,

Yes, the Paris Hilton autobiography link, that's the one. At vanveen, which sent you to a dead link at johnshade, then missing from the Particles altogether. I'm glad to know I wasn't hallucinating, at least.

Particles vanish!
At least I am not insane.
Fscking allergies.

Someone in Cincinnati is selling off the contents of a large old house, attic to cellars, on eBay, and having a GREAT deal of fun in the process. For her disquisition on Manchu history, see item 3719158682; to learn how a Dodge Intrepid is like a lady's pocket watch, see item 3718731441.

p.s. Sharing the fun with y'all is one thing, but **I dibs the child's china plate with rocket ship!** Thank you and nyah.

Sure did Michelle. I have been comparing the actions of GinMar's KBR contractor with the actions of Tami Silicio and her husband David Landry in getting that picture out, and the consequences.

One interesting point is Silicio's explanation for passing the picture along to the Seattle Times

The picture shows several workers inside a cargo plane parked at Kuwait International Airport securing 20 flag-draped coffins for the trip to Dover Air Force Base in Delaware. Silicio, who took the picture, told the newspaper she hoped it would portray the care and devotion with which civilian and military crews treat the remains of fallen soldiers.

This shot of the front of Sunday's Seattle P-I supports her -- If I was a Pentagon PIO I would be happy with the kind of coverage, strangely enough, even if I could give it official sanction. It (supported by the text) showed the extreme care and respect paid by the military to departed comrades, something I got to know a bit about both as a military brat and as a reporter dealing with defense issues. It is something the military has had a couple of centuries to learn to get right, and generally does a good job at. There are no body bags, or "transport tubes", just standard metal coffins, each covered with a flag, firmly attached. Nothing stacked, everything handled with dignity.

Michelle: Saw it, yes. And I have no direct problem with the company firing her for knowingly violating the rules under which she was working. I do have a problem with the US government for forcing those rules onto the company.

Although I have seen at least one person make the case that Iraq != Vietnam, I have to admit that this incident put me in mind of nothing more strongly than Simon & Garfunkel's 7 O'Clock News/Silent Night, particularly the bit at the end of the news, which is the most clearly audible of all:

In Washington the atmosphere was tense today as a special subcommittee of the House Committee on Un-American activities continued its probe into anti-Vietnam war protests. Demonstrators were forcibly evicted from the hearings when they began chanting anti-war slogans. Former Vice-President Richard Nixon says that unles there is a substantial increase in the present war effort in Vietnam, the U.S. should look forward to five more years of war. In a speech before the Convention of the Veterans of Foreign Wars in New York, Nixon also said opposition to the war in this country is the greatest single weapon working against the U.S. That's the 7 o'clock edition of the news, Goodnight.

Regarding the kitten. She's having some local troubles, but the sticking point seems to be the issue of a rabies vaccine.

No vaccine means the beastie can't even get to quarantine, stateside (where she has a recipient). Right now she's got someone who will look after it. There are vets, and I am certain the Combat Support Hospitals (CSH, pronounced, you guessed it, cash) have pastuer treatements, but it probably hinges on the verification, which would need a vet.

Regarding Ginmar:
I would love to send a CARE package of books and provisions,
but I have no real idea how to do it.

Could someone who knows her address get in touch with me via email?
(Our hostess has my email address.)

Thanks in advance.

I also liked the picture, and I also think that it was respectful. I don't understand why we are not allowed to have pictures of transported coffins. It makes me feel like someone is trying to hide the sacrifice that those soldiers have made, but that's just me, and there's a lot I don't understand and probably never will.

We did have one question however, and I'm hoping someone with a military background can answer: Are the flags removed when the coffins are transported, or do they remain on the coffin at all times unless the coffin is open for viewing? At my grandafather's funeral several years ago I thought the flag was placed on the coffin immediately after the casket was closed, and then taken off and given to my grandmother only after the ceremony, but I simply can't recall.

Dr. George Hockney emailed me directly to answer the question that I'd posed to Bill Blum on this thread. His email follows, and might be of interest both for its science fictional topic, and the dollop of theology at the end:

Computer Science studies how to use machines for
manipulating information.

Physics studies how to model the physical universe.

From the viewpoint of a physicist, Computer Science is useful because complicated models require correlating large amounts of information. Better techniques for building
and testing models improves ones ability to model the universe. The question for the physicist becomes, is it necessary to understand computational techniques at a deep level in order to use those techniques. Sometimes
the answer is yes, and sometimes no. There is no reason a physicist needs to know how a calculator (or a spreadsheet or Python) works in order to use one. There is no reason to know how a data recorder works in order to use one. There is no reason to know how a computer scientists works in order to use one, either. These can all be abstracted adequately for the task of modelling.

On the other hand, numerical analysis (such as in numerical integration, Monte Carlo simulations, and large-scale grid models) can't be used as black boxes without running serious risks, because it is important to understand what sorts of things can go wrong. This becomes a field of study in itself only marginally relying on computer science, though. Computer Science is more important when dealing with questions
about group structure or data correlation or Bayesian analysis, where an understanding of CS techniques makes it possible to do analyses that would be very difficult any other way.

From the viewpoint of a Computer Scientist, Physics is useful mainly in understanding the physical basis of information theory. Information theory involves entropy in a fundamental way. Recently, computer scientists have understood that information transfer in quantum mechanical systems is quite
different from information transfer in classical systems, and may introduce different complexity classes for computation.

Physics is also useful in understanding how to build things, but that's Electrical, Solid State, and Computer engineering.

As a practical matter for Career Advice, physicists need to be eclectic and apply techniques from all over; one can never know what might be useful. CS techniques can be handy
for certain types of problems. Computer scientists qua computer scientists don't really need that sort of breadth. However, there
are a lot of engineering jobs out there where a dual background is very useful because the jobs consist primarliy of applying computer techniques to a physics-based problem.

>"If God is a
>Programmer, then He is a Very Good Programmer."

Well, nobody understands anything about consciousness. Plato, DesCartes, and the authors of the Matrix all give up and channel all the information into a person. Persons have parts, and it's quite clear there is insufficient bandwidth to pass all the information we appear to be getting in one place to any one particular place in a person.

There was at least on instance in the history of elementary particle physics when it appears God forgot a box diagram, because in the early seventies the first experiment to look for a particular low-probability K -> ee mode saw nothing, but the next two saw the values predicted by QED. Nobody knows why.

Within minutes, Forrest Bishop emailed me the following, which gets some political economics into The Matrix question:

Computation theory, imo, can already make, or at least restrict, this determination. A simulation would require as much or more information
exchange (and its associated particle exchange) to model the known universe as already exists in same. This principle appears to apply locally as
well, much as the QM/Standard Model appears to apply to local particles as well as
cosmologically distant particles. This restricts the question to relative
spacetime scales in adjacent dimensions.

As an aside, Robin Hanson has a paper on the web on the biological aspects of the Matrix Theory. Psychologically, we most certainly do live in the
Matrix (one of my favorite movies)- our heads are filled with percept 'spooks' that hypnotize us. c.f. R.A. Wilson.

>(2) How can really good simulations cast light on
>physics hard or impossible for us to do (i.e.
>colliding black holes, looking inside quarks and
>gluons...)?

Computer simulation has become a third way of scientific and mathematical
investigation to rival and complement the empirical and theoretical approaches. It also suffers from the same human foibles of these older
methods, see 'spooks'. Maybe the science of the future will advance one file
deletion at a time. :)

Some science 'spooks' of yore-

The Earth is the center of the world. (common percept of primitives)

The Sun orbits the Earth. (Aristotlian/Ptolomaic theory)

Your fate is in the stars. (state-sponsored astronomy)

Heat is like a fluid. (pre-Maxwell-Boltzman thermodynamics)

Value is objective. (comtemporary macroeconomics)

There exists an absolute inertial frame. (Gallilaen relativity)

A particle has infinitely precise phase-space coordinates. (Classical mechanics)

The Party has always existed (contemporary political theory)

All will be well once we find Emmanuel Goldstein. (common psychohistorical prediction)

>(4) How can Physics develop technologies for future
>computer hardware (i.e. as Thomas J. Watson center at
>IBM does; Nanotechnology; Quantum Computing...)

Historic examples- physics theory preceeded and enabled the invention of the laser, photonics, semiconductors, photolithography, etc. This process is continuing at a remarkable pace. QC is a case in point- no informed physics, no computer.

>(5) Fundamental Physics meets Fundamental Computer
>Science: what is the relation between Communications
>Theory's Entropy and Thermodynamics' Entropy? What
>happens to the information in an object that falls
>into a black hole which then evaporates?
>He objected to (1): "Physics can't tell if we're in
>The Matrix."
>
>I replied: "Yes, if the programmers got sloppy"
>
>He suggested (agnostic though he is): "If God is a
>Programmer, then He is a Very Good Programmer."

Maybe so, but I have consumer complaints on some of the engineering aspects. Let's start with the retina...

A professor of chemical engineering notes-
http://www.usagold.com/halloffame.html
ORO (11/13/99; 21:24:14MDT - Msg ID:19061)

..You may have seen the movie Matrix. The story is of humanity being used as production plant for something, the people live a life completely within their heads, controlled by computer simulations.

The key to the hero's survival and success is realizing that the world around him, in which he grew up all his life, is completely false.

Walking through a room full of people trying to free themselves from the images bombarding their brain, he crosses a kid bending a spoon. He asks the kid, how did he bend the spoon.

The kid says, it's simple, there is no spoon.

What is played before us in the world is a hoax that you have been conditioned by daily experience to accept as reality. But there is a cost to the charade and a cost to you. But you can't bring yourself to come to the conclusion when you watch CNBC, read the Journal or Investor's Business Daily, see Moneyline, Ruckeyser, etc. that they are involved in a theatrical production; that they are like well trained actors in a drama about
money that never was. Remember: There is no spoon.

Cheers!

Forrest

--Forrest Bishop
Chairman,
Institute of Atomic-Scale Engineering
www.iase.cc

Michelle, I think her photo broke the dam. The Pentagon released 361 other coffin photos:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/4808371/

The flag stays on the coffin until just before the coffin is lowered into the grave and then it's folded ceremonially and given to a family member.

This is for Virge, who posted about mice, above.

Mouse Pervert

It’s private, don’t try it—
You’re looking—don’t hide it!
Stop lying; stop prying
You nosey louse!

Protest—I don’t buy it
You’re causing a riot!
Sighing and trying to
Look at my mouse!

It is a joke poem about his poem. It isn't really perverted. I just like the word "pervert", which is funny.

I used the link for Ginmar's post and found nothing objectionable at the top -- when I read the "read more" part, I really understood why people were upset (and I agree with them).

I hope Ginmar knows how many people she's reaching....

Really quickly putting this here because either I or Electrolite are having problems & it may spread. From the Howard County Times, April 22nd 2004

http://news.mywebpal.com/news_tool_v2.cfm?show=localnews&pnpID=573&NewsID=542565&CategoryID=742&on=0

Discarded Ballots in recent elections
(First reaction WTF!!)

So, the law says, use the untraceable, uncountable, unquestionable machine that uses software which is forbidden public review, or your vote won't be counted.

I do wonder why anyone thinks that their vote will be counted if they do use the machine.

Physics and CS are both, to me, branches of the same majestic tree: Pure Math. CS reduces faster to purity, but ultimately physics does as well, transforming from particles and planets to n-body, relativistic, and schröedinger equations.

One of our exams questions was simply a bunch of equations and algorithms, with the instruction "Classify each as P or NP. Provide a reduction. If it is NP, is it NP-Complete?*" the N-body problem was on there, as were som financial questions, and what I think was a quantum equation of some sort.
(At the bottom was this footnote "*For extra credit, demonstrate NP-Completeness and then provide a reduction to P")

Marilee,

Thanks. That is what I thought, but I didn't want to trust my memory.

Howdy,

So I have a good news joke and a request for comments.

The good news is that all that data mining crap that the political parties are spending money on is garbage, seeing as I've gotten two mail solicitations to donate to the Bush-Cheney campaign. I can't say my behavior would lend itself to being a supporter of the Republicans, considering I've donated to places like the Sierra Club and public TV & radio using credit cards, and I bought a Honda Civic Hybrid last year. I also got a solicitation from the RNC about a year ago and sent them back a nice letter saying, "Please take me off your mailing list because I'm never giving you a voluntary dime," which you'd think would get me on a different list somewhere.

However, if they're willing to waste money on stuff like this, I figure it's that little bit less they have to spend on anything else.

The request for comments is: what to do with the nice postage-paid envelopes that they included with both solicitations? I'd like to make sure that they get their money's worth. My requirements for suggestions are:

1. Legal. Obviously.
2. Cheap. Let's say under $20 for whatever I send.
3. Easy. Partially because I'm lazy and partially because I'd rather spend the energy on more productive endeavors than GWB.

-- Ed

I've always been partial to the idea of gluing the postage paid envelope to a brick, then mailing. Costs them serious postage money....

I just remove all identifying marks from all the other materials, shred them, and stuff them in the envelope. Then I mail it from a public mailbox.

I'm not sure if Business Reply allows anything heavier than First Class, or I'd suggest buying a couple of anti-Bush refrigerator magnets (thin enough to fit, but quite heavy) and sending them.

BSD:
Physics is not pure math, because there's a real world out there. Pure math need not have anything to do with the real world. You can (and some of the undergrads I grade do) write down equations that claim airplanes fly underground, that masses on springs don't vibrate when plucked, that things fall up. Math becomes physics when it makes predictions that agree with experiment.

Based on my experience, the post office will deliver (at first-class rates) anything legal to mail that the envelope is affixed to, provded that it's packed according to their standards. (I work at an office that sends out a lot of mail with paid-return envelopes. Some of it comes back in an envelope, some in a larger envelope with our envelope taped to the front; once in a great while, we get a box with the envelope taped to the top). This means you aren't restricted to what fits in the envelope. Just make sure it's packaged according to the USPS's requirements, and can legally be mailed. Simply taping the envelope to a brick is probably a bad idea. Pack the brick in a box, seal it with postal mailing tape, and tape the envelope to the top. Plastic packing peanuts are optional, but will help keep the brick from breaking loose in transit. Given the degree of paranoia out there over strange packages, wearing gloves while you pack it all up might not be a bad idea.

I mailed the one I received back with the original request letter inside, after I'd written NO all over it, in several different shades of crayon. It was simple and childish, but I enjoyed it.

That's a cute condensed Silmarillion. Here's mine. Even shorter: less than 300 words, though it does leave rather a lot out.

Thanks for reminding me. I wrote this one back in 1977, a month after the book came out, and I hadn't ever published it or even thought about it in years ...

Any Perrin and BSD:

The deep mystery is WHY the laws of Mathematics apply to the universe. As Einstein said: "The most comprehensible thing about the universe is that it is comprehensible."

I enjoyed Neal Stephenson's Quicksilver most for the way he shows characters viewing the world in terms of the new Math of Newton and Leibnitz... white sails billowing on the masts as one flees the pirate ship, seen in terms of bernoulli's laws of mathematical physics.

"A New Kind of Science" by Stephen Wolfram radically rejects the continuum, calculus, and the other apparatus of mathematics in order to assert (with pretty pictures) that we should examine Nature as a finite math (discrete math) system of interconnected (quantum? spacetime?) computers, from which complicated processes emerge from very simple programs.

"The Story of Your Life" by Ted Chiang has aliens who use our math/physics -- but with a different focus, and one human who learns their language can see (but not change) the future.

Greg Egan's "Luminous" has regions of the universe obeying slightly different laws of Mathematics itself.

here's another reply emailed directly to me:

"Jonathan,

Perhaps one answer to your son's question that would appeal to a fellow of his age is that understanding physics and computer science allows you to make much more realistic computer games and movie special effects.

Tom"

That's Dr. Thomas McDonough, head of SETI for the Planetary Society, an noted SF author ("Missing Matter"; "The Architects of Hyperspace").

Andy (not "Any" -- sorry) Perrin, BSD, Bill Blum:

Happy Shakespeare's birthday!

Dr. Geoffrey Landis adds, with useful links:

Everything each of us knows about the universe is simulated inside an object of mass 1.6 kg, so that's one figure for how large a simulation is needed,

The American Physical Society used to publish a magazine "Computers in Physics" (a friend of mine used to write the Scientific Visualization
column for them). Some of their old articles are on the web at

Computers in Physics

This was merged with an IEEE publication, and is now "Computers in
Science and Engineering"

Comp Sci Eng

Jonathon:

Good to hear your son chose something in conjunction with CS, as opposed to just studying CS alone... I've been working on an article detailing why I chose to be a physics major when I went back to school, as opposed to something "more practical" like CS. I'll email you a copy when I'm done, after my last final exam is over...

Anyways, I could probably go on for pages on each of the topics you mentioned in your post, but I'll keep these responses brief. ( I may put more detailed answers in my own livejournal... when/if I do so, I'll let you know )

(1) "The Matrix Theory" -- how can Physics experiments determine whether or not we exist in a simulation, instead of in "the real universe"?

If we're in a simulation as opposed to a "real universe", our laws of physics will have been developed based on observations/etc. that scientists have made based on experiments conducted within the frame of reference determined by the simulation.

There would have to be major inconsistencies within the simulation for those of us within its confines to start wondering "what the hell is going on here?"

If God's a programmer, he needs to write a software engineering textbook, because he pulled off a well-executed simulation in a short timeframe, and even managed to throw in a day of rest to boot....

(2) How can really good simulations cast light on physics hard or impossible for us to do (i.e. colliding black holes, looking inside quarks and gluons...)?

I offer the following quote, from Richard Hamming:
The purpose of computing is insight, not numbers.

Simulations don't have value because they cast light on "physics hard or impossible for us to do"--- simulation has value because it lets us gain insight into things that aren't PRACTICAL for us to do, given equipment or time constraints.

Example of the value of simulation:
"Determine what would happen if we loosened the tolerances in this analog filterbank."

Monte Carlo simulation to the rescue--far easier than building a few versions of the board with component values on the far ends of the tolerance scale. Is it something on a "grand scale"?? Far from it.... but you are MORE than welcome to compute the filter responses that would result from going from 1% to 10% components. I used MATLAB and Octave myself.
Computers are just tools to get to a solution... if you know the limitations of your toolset, you structure your models so that you're not affected.

May I suggest taking a look at "Programming Pearls", by Jon Bentley--- it makes you think about how to set up a simulation. Additionally, the book I used for Computational Physics is worth a look.

I'll address the other 3 later this weekend, maybe, on my livejournal, and I'll post a link if/when I do...

I've got to go back to campus for math class... please keep in mind that these responses were written by someone who fell asleep trying to do his quantum mechanics homework, and is currently sleep depraved. Or deprived.

Along the same lines of the micro-Silmarillion, etc., I wrote a spoof on Waiting for Godot as a Slashdot thread....

------------
[A country road, a tree. Estragon sits on a low mound, trying to remove his boot. Vladimir enters, pulls off his tinfoil hat, looks inside and knocks it on the crown, as if to make something fall out.]

Estragon: [Giving up on the boot] Nothing to be done.

Vladimir: I've come to the same conclusion myself.

Estragon: So why are you here again?

Vladimir: I had to return: Godot is tracing my movements through the cunning placement of a chip in my head - or is it in my money?

Estragon: [Suddenly angry] You fool! You know that processed cheese is the only thing they trace.

Vladimir: Your spelling is atrocious.

Estragon: Off topic! Off topic!!
[He attacks Vladimir. Vladimir weeps, stops, pulls off his tinfoil hat and looks inside, shaking it to see if anything will fall out.]

Vladimir: Nothing to be done.

Estragon: It's 1:35 in the morning and we've been here for days. We have no life. We should go.

Vladimir: We can't!

Estragon: Why not?

Vladimir: We're waiting for Godot.

Estragon: Ah! I had forgotten. Shall we go?

Vladimir: Yes, let's go.
[They do not move].

Curtain

I think we should be looking for:

// The Comments

Jonathan:

As to why math can be used to describe the universe (the "unreasonable effectiveness of mathematics"), I've never seen any mystery. It's because we live here, we chose which areas of math to develop, and we concentrated on the bits that were best suited to physics. Mathematical specialties with no physical meaning are abundant. (Number theory?) Another point: Even in simple physics problems, one frequently comes across non-physical solutions that are mathematically correct. Math does a good job of describing the universe, but not a perfect job.

BSD - Demonstrate P=NP for extra credit? Most amusing, but also slightly dangerous. Imagine if someone did it! A simple CS exam collapsing all of modern encryption. So much for online banking.

I guess its a good trap for students who haven't been listening, causing them to waste time they could have spent checking their work.

Way back when, when I took Formal Languages, I had a great prof with only one downfall, he gave exams that required twice as long as the allotted time. On the bottom of the final, I wrote a paragraph contrasting "exhaustive" and "exhausting."

I think the hardest math exam I had was in a Computability and Automata class, where the prof had the students write the final. I edited it, and still found it to be a bear.

Looking back, I wish I had made a career somewhere where I could have used all the math I learned in all those classes - that was fun stuff!

I had an algorithms prof ask for an n-squared algorithm for something that was -- as phrased -- an NP-complete problem.

He didn't do it on purpose, but it went really well with writing that midterm in a room being subject to bouts of epic pipe hammer. (Quote from the Naval reservist -- "the last time I heard pipe hammer that bad, there were machinists' mates running around trying to keep the ship from exploding.")

Calling all Grammar Gods, Students, Aspirants, etc.:

Lynn Truss, author of "Eats, Shoots and Leaves" is being interviewed on KQED today. Here is the link.

Closest I can come is a calculus exam where the prof asked us to do an integration by parts, when it could only be done by decomposition. I just did it by decomposition and handed it in. He wrote "Oops, I meant decomposition" or words to that effect on my exam paper.

From a chemistry exam:

"The TA at the front of the lecture hall has a cylinder containing X amount of nitrous oxide. The TA at the back of the room has a cylinder containing cyanide gas. If they turn the valves simultaenously, in what row will students die laughing?"