USA Today had a lamebrained idea for convention coverage: they’d get Ann Coulter to cover the Democrats, and Michael Moore to cover the Republicans. If you don’t care about the actual content, it’s a good way to guarantee you’ll get some colorful writing.
This plan went awry when editors at USA Today noticed that the first column Coulter filed was incoherent, unfunny, and made assumptions contrary to fact. I know that’s her usual riff, but this column was further over the line than usual.
According to thick-as-two-short-planks Human Events Online (which is deeply confused by USA Today’s failure to appreciate the “witty, vivacious” blonde attack dog), Coulter claimed her column was “summarily rejected”. I don’t think that can possibly be correct, though; the version they quote is interspersed with USA Today’s editorial queries. Perhaps Coulter is unfamiliar with the concept, or is incapable of doing a simple rewrite.Here’s a sample from her column, plus queries as quoted by Coulter:
Here at the Spawn of Satan convention in Boston, conservatives are deploying a series of covert signals to identify one another, much like gay men do. My allies are the ones wearing crosses or American flags. The people sporting shirts emblazoned with the “F-word” are my opponents. Also, as always, the pretty girls and cops are on my side, most of them barely able to conceal their eye-rolling.I have to wonder whether the editors at USA Today also noticed how many delegates have been wearing variations on the American flag. And in all the hours I’ve been watching, C-SPAN hasn’t picked out a single person wearing the F-word. Perhaps Coulter wrote the column before she got to the convention.
USA Today: EYE-ROLLING? AT WHAT?
Democrats are constantly suing and slandering police as violent, fascist racists — with the exception of Boston’s police, who’ll be lauded as national heroes right up until the Democrats pack up and leave town on Friday, whereupon they’ll revert to their natural state of being fascist, racist pigs.
USA Today: WHAT DEMOCRATS SUE THE POLICE? BUT THEY WON’T ACTUALLY REVERT TO BEING FASCIST PIGS, DON’T YOU MEAN THE DEMS WILL THINK THEY HAVE REVERTED TO BEING FASCIST PIGS?
…As for the pretty girls, I can only guess that it’s because liberal boys never try to make a move on you without the UN Security Council’s approval. Plus, it’s no fun riding around in those dinky little hybrid cars. My pretty-girl allies stick out like a sore thumb amongst the corn-fed, no make-up, natural fiber, no-bra needing, sandal-wearing, hirsute, somewhat fragrant hippie chick pie wagons they call “women” at the Democratic National Convention.USA Today: NOT FUNNY, I DON’T GET IT.
Human Events Online has reported in a follow-up story that Coulter’s gig will be taken over by agent-spawn Jonah Goldberg, who will no doubt provide them with colorful coverage, if fewer opportunities for fantasizing.