Can I just thank you for the re-imagined romance covers? I'm not sure whether I like Lord of the Hissy Fit or Cradle Robber best, but they're all pretty swell.

Posted February 26, 2005 2:24 AM by Madeleine Robins

Your open thread admonitions are educational, Teresa. I didn't know about false splitting until I looked up 'neddris' just now. (A Tetris variant was my first guess.) Will "another" become 'a nother' in a few centuries?

Posted February 26, 2005 2:37 AM by Andy Perrin

I wonder whether someone could do a re-imagined sleaze covers site from the wonderful collection in the new book SIN-A-RAMA, which besides reproducing lots of lovely covers from sleazy 60s books has a long essay by Bob Silverberg, several nice bits by old fan Earl Kemp, and finally tells which pseudonyms were used by Donald E. Westlake and Lawrence Block. Or are these covers their own parody?

Posted February 26, 2005 3:10 AM by Tom Whitmore

I come here for all my information needs regarding reasonable discussions of religion.

Are there extremely backstage machinations already grinding with regard to finding the next Pope? My vague recollection is that sort of thing is considered extremely bad form, but I find it hard to believe it isn't going on. Who will be the next Pope? How vanishingly small are the chances he will be recognizably liberal? Will he be from the Southern Hemisphere?

Enquiring atheists want to know.

Posted February 26, 2005 8:20 AM by Michael Weholt

Michael Weholt:

You need to read Dan Brown's Angels and Demons, which details the process of choosing a new pope. A fine, scholarly work, if a litte dry and overly fact-filled.

[/sarcasm]

Posted February 26, 2005 11:02 AM by Mary Dell

Came across a great quote recently:

The best of our fiction is by novelists who allow that it is as good as they can give, and the worst by novelists who maintain that they could do much better if only the public would let them.

--J. M. Barrie, The Contemporary Review, 1891

Posted February 26, 2005 11:22 AM by Zzedar

The "Top 10 Reasons to Not Shop Online" seems more like "10 Things I Find Really Irritating About Some Shopping Websites". It's similar to listing 10 programs you don't like and calling them the top 10 reasons to not use a computer.

In general, if I find a site whose interface I hate, I don't shop there. (If it's a place I really want to shop at, such as my preferred coffee supplier, Armeno, I send them comments about the annoyances of their interface.)

It's also kind of ironic that, whenever I look at that page, there's an ad in the right sidebar about shopping at Amazon. But maybe he doesn't hate them.

Posted February 26, 2005 11:28 AM by Adina

Patrick, standing here in our hotel room in Dallas, says:

"First off, the machinations never completely stop. Second, the machinations have been screaming down the highway at eighty miles an hour ever since JPII developed Parkinson's Disease. At this point, what with the tracheotomy and all, you can practically see blood oozing out from under the closed doors in the Curia.

"Probably the best hope for an actually liberal Pope is one of a couple of Italians. Cardinal Martini of Milan has been being described as papabile, and as senior Vatican types go he's relatively liberal, i.e. he's not totally in the tank with the far right. There are some interestingly liberal figures in the Spanish church, but they probably have about as much chance of becoming Pope as a liberal American prelate like Cardinal Mahony of Los Angeles.

"The plain fact is that JPII has reigned for so long, and done such a thoroughgoing job of stuffing the Curia and the College of Cardinals with people who could best be described as right-wing Opus Dei-type cuckoopants, that it's pretty hard to see a path from here to electing the great liberal Pope hope. Probably the best we can hope for is electing a conservative who turns out to be surprisingly broadminded.

"Almost certainly what they'll actually do, because they is almost always what they do after a really long papal reign, is elect someone who's very old and fairly conservative, so they'll have a quiet few years to sort all this out.

"That's my potted, not at all expert but I grew up around this stuff, opinion. And, I'd just like to add as a footnote, they can elect anybody. It doesn't have to be a member of the College of Cardinals. It doesn't even have to be a priest. So yes, Michael Weholt, your papacy could be nigh. Make sure you've got your platform ready."

Posted February 26, 2005 11:32 AM by Teresa Nielsen Hayden

Okay everybody, just out of curiosity (as I sit here busily not working, wondering if Michael Weholt does have a platform ready, and then wondering aloud, "Does Patrick?" and then, aloud again--good thing no one else is here--"I want to be the Pope!"): What would you do if you could be the Pope?

Posted February 26, 2005 11:46 AM by Kimberly

It doesn't have to be a member of the College of Cardinals. It doesn't even have to be a priest.
Really? *boggle*

My bet is also an old Italian cardinal. JP II's had an extremely long papacy. Didn't JP I just have a three month run as Pope?

Posted February 26, 2005 11:51 AM by mayakda

A knitter and jewelery maker with an interesting take on designs:

http://www.feliekevanderleest.com/gallery_objecten/object1_uk.html

I like the tampon socks.

Posted February 26, 2005 12:02 PM by Janice in GA

1) Declare the Book of Revelations apochryphal.

2) Make the official papal regalia t-shirt and jeans. Oh, and replace the hat with something better.

3) Start up a Church-sanctioned, Papally-blessed line of "Catholic Condoms! Jesus wants you to WANT your children, not just have them!"

Posted February 26, 2005 12:04 PM by Bruce Arthurs

Adina, I liked the article about online shopping, but agree that it had the wrong title.

I remember seeing an article a few years back, when the dotcom boom was still collapsing, which observed that many of the flossy retail sites had made shopping awkward and inconvenient, and made heavy demands on the user's software and bandwidth. It contrasted these startups with the commercial porn websites' use of robust, straightforward site designs that minimized unnecessary barriers between customer and merchandise, and made it relatively easy to conclude transactions.

The article suggested that this might be because the porn merchants found it difficult or impossible to attract outside financing, and so were running their operations out of their own pockets. This had a clarifying effect on their business models. The dotcoms were trying to create a retail web presence. The pornographers were just trying to sell products to customers from their websites.

Posted February 26, 2005 12:23 PM by Teresa Nielsen Hayden

If I were the Pope? For starters I'd relax the rules on celibacy, allow women to be ordained, and tell the Curia to come up with a workable plan for backing off from the doctrine of Papal Infallibility. Then I'd have lunch. In the afternoon I'd canonize Pope John XXIII and Dorothy Day, then take it easy for a while, maybe make some phone calls.

I envision my papal reign being ended a few years later by an assassin from the Special Action Executive of the Bollandists.

Posted February 26, 2005 12:39 PM by Teresa Nielsen Hayden

I'm looking forward to the first season of Pope Idol. If we're lucky, Garry Wills will be one of the judges.

Posted February 26, 2005 12:45 PM by John M. Ford

I found the online shopping article a bit curmudgeonly. Sure, there are lots of badly designed sites out there that toss foolish barriers between customers and their purchases. But most people shop online for two reasons, selection and price. If you've got a crummy local bookstore, B&N or Amazon can help you out. And you're starting out as a motivated buyer, not someone who needs to be sold, so a good user experience is a differentiator but a bad one won't necessarily kill the sale. Usually the narrower the segment, the worse the user experience is.

The wave of flossiness (remember boo.com?) of the boom days was driven by the idea that customers wouldn't trust ugly sites. That idea turned out to be wrong, but good design can make a difference. I typically find stuff on Amazon, but for various reasons I buy on B&N. (Cheaper, and they give you a phone number to call if needed and actually answer it!)

Our friend Tog also assumes that an in-store experience is qualitatively better than online. I recently went into a Best Buy to look at digital cameras. The folks behind the counter barely knew which end of the camera to point at things and spent most of their time hiding from customers. Then I went into a specialty camera store where I was actively sneered at for not wanting to shoot film. Macy's recently put in scanners because their pricing is so arcane (hidden discounts, etc) that even the salespeople don't know what things cost, except that it's usually less than what's written on the tag.

Personally, I'm amazed that we manage to buy so much considering how arduous it can be to get a retailer to take your money.

Posted February 26, 2005 1:10 PM by Larry Brennan

Holy Smoke!

Well, all I can say is that there is an 80 year old arch-conservative Roman Catholic at work who keeps telling me I would make an excellent priest. He knows I'm an atheist so I can't figure out if he's just trying to irritate me or subvert the Church. Or, since he's right -- I would make an excellent priest -- maybe he's got sources in the Vatican.

But reading around this morning, I see Tettamanzi from Genoa is a scary possibility. I guess he's a big fan of Opus Dei. Says the founder of O.D. is comparable to Sts. Benedict and Francis of Assisi. He's 70. I hope he's not the fairly old conservative of choice, though I don't imagine much would change anyway.

What I learned today: the meaning of papabile.

Posted February 26, 2005 1:19 PM by Michael Weholt

John Ford - I wonder what the blowout would be if they made Simon Cowell a judge of Pope Idol:

"That was absolutely disgraceful. You call that a sermon? I've never heard such a pile of apocryphal rubbish in my life."

Posted February 26, 2005 1:33 PM by Elese

Mayakda: the only non-priestly Pope I can think of offhand is Adrian V, back in the thirteenth century. He was the nephew of Innocent V, who made him a cardinal deacon (without bothering with ordination, as seemed to be popular then), and later was packed off as Papal Legate to England, to try and mediate between Henry III and the barons.

Whilst there, he ended up with his name on the oldest English law still on the statute books (sort of); "Provisions made at Marlborough in the presence of our lord King Henry (...) and the Lord Ottobon, at that time legate in England"; 52 Hen. 3. But I digress.

Anyhow, he was elected pope to succeed Innocent V (who had only reigned six months) in 1276; he was elected on 11 July and died outside Rome on 18 August, still not having been ordained. (His successor lasted less than a year, too.) I think they intended to ordain him, but hadn't quite got around to it; five weeks doesn't really leave much time for that sort of thing.

Posted February 26, 2005 1:50 PM by Andrew Gray

JMF: No no no, the show to watch will be Survivor: The Vatican.

Chelsea Quinn Yarbro's novel Magnificat plays with the College of Cardinals electing a non-Catholic. I only have it on CD-ROM, not in couch-compatible format, so I haven't gotten through more than the first few chapters.

Andy: Will "another" become 'a nother' in a few centuries?
-- well, we already have it split thus in the colloquial form "a whole nother" (which should perhaps have an apostrophe before the n, for now?)

Posted February 26, 2005 2:09 PM by Kate Yule

As I understand it, you do have to be Catholic, but that mostly means baptized and not of some other religion.

And "don't have to be a priest" is because they can, in theory, ordain you in the morning and make you pope in the afternoon.

(I'm not qualified, under the first clause.)

Posted February 26, 2005 2:43 PM by Vicki

Pope Fabian (236-250) was a farmer who was elected pope without being a priest. Here's the account of the story:

http://www.newadvent.org/cathen/05742d.htm

Of course, things were a bit more informal back then. I don't really see that happening today. It would be interesting, though.

Posted February 26, 2005 2:54 PM by Ted Curtis

Someone remind me of the potboiler that had an American non-cardinal elected pope? I think he was a member of a monastic order, some sort of hard-ass that had retired into a monastery and then suddenly ended up pope.

Posted February 26, 2005 3:53 PM by tavella

The Orthodox, on the other hand, have a habit of very rapidly ordaining and promoting competent laypersons in order to fill an episcopal gap. There was a Byzantine who went from layman to Patriarch in a week. Still happens nowadays; my friend Metropolitan John of Pergamon was an unordained professor of Theology who went from layman to bishop in a few days.

As for the Catholics, rumour has been for a long time that the next pope was going to be from a developing country - which unfortunately probably also means a hardline conservative.

Posted February 26, 2005 5:02 PM by James Palmer

Taking advantage of an open thread here:

Can someone in this whole publishing-savvy tribe tell me when, and by whom, structural decisions about books are made? How is it decided that one new hardback will be Smyth-sewn, while a nother will be perfect bound?

Is dependent on the publisher, the author, the book, or the fall of a coin? Can an author influence the choice?

Posted February 26, 2005 5:05 PM by abi

At the risk of nepotism, I'd like to point out the riotously funny "six things" series of cartoons Francis has been posting on his blog. I particularly commend to your attention today's cartoon as well as the ones on Feb. 22nd ("Things sure are different ever since the aliens took over") and Feb. 19th ("Who died and made you king?").

Posted February 26, 2005 5:29 PM by Rose

I just like the word "papabile." (I'm guessing the literal translation would be "Popeable"?)

Posted February 26, 2005 6:51 PM by Metal Fatigue

Janice: The tampon socks are disturbing on a lot of levels. In a good way. :) I also like the chesspieces.

--Mary Aileen

Posted February 26, 2005 7:15 PM by Mary Aileen Buss

And, wrenching the (open) thread in a whole 'nother direction - I'd love recommendations on books on the climate and environment of the pleistocene (ie the Ice Age which is currently in an interglacial or just ended, depending on who you ask), in part because I'm taking a course on palæoclimatology, and in part because I want a unfamiliar environment to rip off when/if I ever start creating RPG worlds again.

Posted February 26, 2005 7:16 PM by cd

Well, the example of the nielsenhaydon conglomerate finally pushed me over the edge.

I've started a CafePress store, here, and you may find a suitable gift for a cat person.

Posted February 26, 2005 7:16 PM by Dave Bell

Dave: I just got a "page not found" message when I clicked on your link.

Posted February 26, 2005 7:21 PM by Mary Aileen Buss

Tog was being provocative (as usual), when he wrote that article; he's a consultant in interface design, and his perspective on web sites is somewhat like an editor's perspective on books. He's also choosing major firms for his examples: PayPal (Ebay), B&H Photo, Dell, Canon, American Express are firms many people do business with for reasons other than simply bumping into them on-line; if one is a photographer who uses Canon equipment it's hard to avoid Canon's web site. Also like an editor, he makes specific recommendations, which I think deserve attention. Especially, I think his comments about PayPal (and the broader observation about consumer protection on the internet) are dead on; count your fingers after shaking hands with these guys.

Teresa, I like your observation about selling products vs. maintaining a retail web presence. It is perfectly possible to do on-line business with a very simple site and an e-mail box, but this point seems to be lost on most e-tailers, which I think is a shame. Myself, I would very much like to see more local shops take orders by e-mail; there is, I think, enormous untapped potential in neighborhood use of the internet.

"Papabile". What a wonderful word. Let us pray for a miracle, but prepare for the work of the devil.

Posted February 26, 2005 7:36 PM by Randolph Fritz

New summer series: Blowing Smoke: Survivor in the Vatican

I'd like to be Pope, but not enough to eat bugs first. Heck, I wouldn't eat bugs to get laid. Well, not real bugs.

At least, I don't think they were real bugs.

Posted February 26, 2005 8:08 PM by pericat

For sheer Papal-electoral weirdness, Angels and Demons has nothing on The Final Conclave, in which right-wing crank Malachi Martin purports to tell us just exactly what will happen in the next such election. Everything in his scenario -- and do note that the book is presented as nonfiction -- is controlled by the Adversary of Mankind. No, not him, Communists. Communists will have the deliberations held in Pier Luigi Nervi's auditorium instead of the usual chamber, because Nervi is a modern architect, and therefore inherently Satanic. Cardinals whose red hats have a sinister tilt will steer the voting toward a candidate who, while not necessarily a GodlessCommie himself, will consult with the Kremlin before imposing an unspeakably liberal agenda. Remember, all this shall come to pass!

Of course, when John Paul I was elected, absolutely nothing in Martin's book, from using the Nervi on up, actually happened. (John Paul did show some signs of liberality, but that's another set of conspiracy theories.)

The book has a fair amount of interesting technical detail on the electoral process, but in general it's like getting a history of 20th-century biology from Trofim Lysenko.

Posted February 26, 2005 8:46 PM by John M. Ford

It is technically easier to qualify to become Pope, mutatis mutandis (i.e. making allowance for the being in different churchly bodies), than to become an Anglican bishop. To become an Anglican bishop, you have to be an Anglican priest, and at least thirty years old. To become Pope you have to be a Catholic male, and I don't think that there's an age limit.

Posted February 26, 2005 8:49 PM by James

As far as I know, the best potboiler focussing on someone being elected Pope is Let's Talk of Graves, of Worms, and Epitaphs, by Robert Player.

Posted February 26, 2005 8:53 PM by James

Even Andrew Greeley has a book about finding the next Pope, White Smoke. It has large numbers of stock Greeley characters in it, but at least it isn't set in Chicago.

My husband and some of our college friends got up a game of Pope-Pope-Antipope in their freshman European history course. This was a pretty decent dodge for the perennial Minnesota kid argument, "Duck-Duck-what?" (The stock answers are "Goose" and "Grey Duck." Clearly, "goose" is correct, as it is not just a big grey duck but a-whole-nother species. Some of my fellow Minnesotans are a little thick on this point.)

Posted February 26, 2005 9:20 PM by Mris

My husband and some of our college friends got up a game of Pope-Pope-Antipope . . .

Which causes me to imagine a game, probably card-based, called something like Popeability. No, I'm not going to design this, though thinking about the mechanics is interesting, in a Dunniganesque sort of way. (Jim Dunnigan has designed a number of games that, while playable in themselves, were also design studies in applying boardgame methods to other sorts of conflicts. Two prime examples were "Up Against the Wall, M*F*," which was about the Berkeley riots [and was revised to cover Chicago in '68], and "Plot to Assassinate Hitler," which used a conventional wargame-style hexgrid to represent political factionalism. The latter is probably the only boardgame that ever has, or will, contain a counter representing Martin Niemoller.)

My, that got discursive fast.

The computer game Merchant Prince, which is about Italian Renaissance trading companies, has a mechanism for buying Cardinals and influencing the Papal election; having the Pope in your faction offers certain advantages, such as the ability to excommunicate cities and distract your opponents with a Crusade. Unfortunately, they tend not to last very long in office, especially since there is also a mechanism for hiring assassins.

Posted February 26, 2005 9:46 PM by John M. Ford

There are benefits to being Pope other than the the political/religious, y'know.

Posted February 26, 2005 9:52 PM by Zzedar

Something else I'm wondering about: given that there's no official campaigning for the papacy, and no declared candidates, has anyone ever been chosen by the College of Cardinals and declined the position?

Posted February 26, 2005 9:57 PM by Vicki

Tavella -- you may be thinking of _Shoes of the Fisherman_.

Vicki -- I don't know if anyone has declined the papacy, but I was told that the room where the newly elected Pope is first vested is referred to as "the crying room," as it all sinks in. (Hey, there goes the rest of your life as any sort of private person.)

Posted February 26, 2005 10:59 PM by Berni

The electee in Shoes of the Fisherman is Ukranian. The "American Pope" novel in question is most likely The Accidental Pope, by Raymond Flynn and Robin Moore.

Posted February 27, 2005 12:07 AM by John M. Ford

..."Plot to Assassinate Hitler," which used a conventional wargame-style hexgrid to represent political factionalism. The latter is probably the only boardgame that ever has, or will, contain a counter representing Martin Niemoller.

Oh my goodness. I must have this. Especially if there is a Dietrich Bonhoeffer piece, too.

Posted February 27, 2005 1:08 AM by Mark Gritter

I believe there was a Bonhoeffer piece (and in fact I may be misremembering that as Niemoller -- it's been decades since I saw a copy). I remembered that it was a Strategy & Tactics magazine game, and a little searching indicates that it was in S&T issue 59, in 1976; there would have been a boxed version as well. The way the world works, someone no doubt has one they'd be willing to part with, and The Net means that you might be able to make contact with that person.

It wasn't a popular game (that may be an understatement), not because of the subject matter but Dunnigan's handling of it. There was a hex map divided into areas that corresponded to real-world space, but were in fact how far away in terms of access and influence one was from the other characters. One could, for instance, send a counter to the Russian Front zone, which drastically diminished its influence on matters in Berlin. As the game progressed, areas would be overrun by the Allies (I believe this was semi-random), and anybody stuck there was removed from play. Counters were either individuals or influence groups, and they moved and "fought" like typical wargame units, but depending on the circumstances and the game phase (things got meaner as the war wound down) an "attack" might be an attempt to discredit someone, move him to a "distant" area, or remove him permanently (by assassination or arrest). The Fuehrer himself was not "playable;" he moved between Berlin and Berchtesgaden, but otherwise a "side" was a faction of others, and ultimately it was to everyone's advantage to kill the bas -- I mean, boss while there was still some Germany left. That is, it was advantageous to -successfully- assassinate him. An unsuccessful attempt triggered a backlash with effects that will be familiar to students of the period.

All the games I played were two-player, and I don't remember now if there was an option for muliple players (and, presumably, coalitions).

Overall I would not call it a very good game, but it was a quite interesting design study, and it's unfortunate that the system has been largely ignored. There have been a number of political/military games where a player was a faction rather than an individual (Kingmaker is probably the best example, Down With the King is another) but they don't have the idea of conceptual distance -- Kingmaker takes place on a geographic map, and DwtK has a "court" where all characters are present, and various abstract "foreign countries" that isolate faction characters at no specific distance -- being abroad is a condition, not a distance.

This has been brought to you through the courtesy of More Than Any Reasonable Person Would Ever Want to Know About the Subject, Ltd., a divsion of Pedantiquarium Associates.

Posted February 27, 2005 2:01 AM by John M. Ford

Speaking of papabile, religious controversy and bibliophily -- is anyone else completely hooked on Lawrence and Nancy Goldstone? I loved LOST IN THE FLAMES (about Michael Servetus and John Calvin with the maguffin of how blood flows through the heart) and am in the middle of loving THE FRIAR AND THE CIPHER, about how Aristotle changed the religious view of the world through Roger Bacon, with the Voynich Manuscript as the maguffin. These folks write Seriously Interesting Bibliohistory -- I have no idea whether their primary sources are really good, but their selected bibliography runs to many pages, and it all kinda feels right. And their attitude towards history is decidedly fannish -- they love the feuds, the weird little bits that seem to "just happen" without adequate explanation, and twisty synchronicities. Either of the books, Mike, would probably make a Really Interesting game....

Posted February 27, 2005 3:06 AM by Tom Whitmore

Well, Tom, now I'm imagining a video game called IMMORTAL KOMBAT, with spectacular Philosophical Finishing Moves probably better left to the imagination (though something involving Tycho Brahe's nose would obviously have to figure). What Team Ninja (of the prenaturally boingy Dead or Alive series) might do with it would make Thomas Aquinas count carbs.

"Good evening, I'm the Marx with the big cigar, and it's time to play You Bet Your Voynich. Decipher the screwy pictures and win a hundred dollars. You may say that a hundred dollars isn't much in today's money, but how many of us are?"

Though given the cult (that's not really the word I want, but it's late) status of Credo, it's probably time for another geek-friendly game of intellectual combat, and maybe if I can find three more hours in a day, I'll do one. Minicon's coming, but don't anybody hold their breath.

On another note, sorta, just received an urgent e-mail from the poor spellers at something called IPSI Transactions, who are planing [sic] twelve special journal issues, and would like me to submit a paper for consideration. A paper on what, you may well ask, knowing that I am a broadly multidisciplinary gonzo pedant? Well, it doesn't seem to matter, as long as I've got 400 Euros for a six-page paper and another hundred for each page over that. A little Googling produces endless copies of the same document on various sites (they're based in Belgrade, Europe's academic fulcrum), along with one missive from an actual academic pointing out that no journal he knows of has twelve external reviewers (and requires only six of them to respond) or publishes quite so much, er, stuff. He also calculates their estimated annual gross, gross being the operative word.

I think it is shameful that America is so far behind the Europeans in academic vanity publishing. Ladies and gentlemen, we must not have a cacoscholia gap!

Posted February 27, 2005 4:20 AM by John M. Ford

America isn't that far behind, Mike. We've just institutionalized it so far that the universities, research institutes and the like pay the page fees without blinking. I think those folks are just trying to catch up with the hidden academic economy.

Posted February 27, 2005 4:29 AM by Tom Whitmore

There are benefits to being Pope other than the the political/religious, y'know.

<Mel Brooks> It's good ta be da Pope. </Mel Brooks>

Posted February 27, 2005 4:33 AM by Anarch

The computer game Merchant Prince, which is about Italian Renaissance trading companies, has a mechanism for buying Cardinals and influencing the Papal election; having the Pope in your faction offers certain advantages, such as the ability to excommunicate cities and distract your opponents with a Crusade.

Fun game, too, although a tad incompatible with modern systems :) It should work fine in DOSBOX, though I haven't checked it myself.

[It was remade a while later IIRC unless it itself was the remake. Check out The Underdogs if you're interested.]

The board game "Princes of the Renaissance" also has the Papacy up for bid. It's an interesting mechanic; the entire game is auction driven, so "up for bid" is the literal truth, but possession of certain key figures (e.g. Lucrezia de Borgia) makes acquiring the Papacy cheaper. It's a fun, if somewhat odd, game.

Posted February 27, 2005 4:37 AM by Anarch

I think Patrick is largely right--but I would add to that the possibility it could be a non-Opus Dei conservative. A woman I dated for a while back in the 80s, whose father edited a pro-life journal and was herself quite conservative, cracked me up when she said they referred to them as the 'Opie Dopies'. Not all the conservatives in Rome are fans of Monsignor Escriva...

I'd settle for a transitional type who would quietly scuttle the canonization process for Pius XII and spend just a little more time reviewing the recent horror of the abuse scandcal and perhaps hanging a few red hats like Cardinal Law out to dry....

As for the church, I don't get as worked up about Papal Infallibility as Teresa does, mainly because, as it is narrowly defined, it isn't as much of an affront as it sounds (theologically). That's thanks to some of the Vatican bureaucrats who whittled back Pius IX's initial desired definition in Vatican I. But I do think on other issues, for example, birth control, the church will, er, 'evolve' the way it did, for example, about Pius IX's idiotic Syllabus of Errors. It won't publicly apologize for it or admit it was a mistake--it will just quietly mothball it over the next century and hope nobody remembers....

Posted February 27, 2005 8:26 AM by John Farrell

I don't think Cheapass Games has a pope-choosing game (yet) but they do have a lot of very funny, award-winning games. If you like odd game concepts you should have a look.

I can personally recommend: Give Me The Brain, Kill Doctor Lucky, Deadwood, and Devil Bunny Needs a Ham.

Posted February 27, 2005 8:27 AM by Mary Dell

There's an old Chaosium game called CREDO, which features squabbling between various factions in the early Church. CRUSADER KINGS, a Paradox game, also features Papal shenaningans; controlling the Pope lets you determine the targets of Crusades, not to mention excommunicating fellow rulers and seizing their titles cheaply.

Posted February 27, 2005 8:59 AM by James Palmer

Correcting my earlier mit-type, my new CafePress shop is here.

Thanks to those who did try the link earlier, and let me know of my mistake.

Posted February 27, 2005 10:53 AM by Dave Bell

Another Cheapass Games fan here...

Posted February 27, 2005 11:03 AM by Tom Whitmore

Cheapasses unite!

Posted February 27, 2005 12:43 PM by Anarch

Someone on a sff.net newsgroup mentioned

http://www.rppi.org/apr2004/hr.shtml

The header reads "Reason Public Policy Institute is a public policy think tank promoting choice, competition, and a dynamic market economy as the foundation for human dignity and progress."

This apparently is yet another faux Think Tank which has a patchy atomic thickness layer veneer of claim of being a think tank, over a level of unshakeable prejudicial Belief as obdurate as Opus Dei's, and rather more intent on spreading its worldview over all others regardless of their creeds and needs and abilities and positions in societies...

The particular article focuses on "Outsourcing Human Resources Management

In spring of 2004 the Conference Board released the first comprehensive look at outsourcing human resource activities by government agencies. HR Outsourcing in Government Organizations provides an excellent overview of the subject and is chock full of valuable information for government officials or others looking into outsourcing HR functions."

It doesn't seem to have any acknowledgement or concern that outsourcing isn't all-good and all-well-being etc., that there are issues with control, and organzations not controlling their own destiny with outsourcing, with abuses that can occur, etc. No downside to discuss or acknowledge or even create strawfigures to knock down or blow away of "this is not a problem because."

This bunch looks like some of the most bogus self-professed analysts I've ever seen an executive summary from--and that's saying something. I've seen some lousy research/reports of lousy research. This is possibly the most bigoted in assumptions, analysis, conclusions, and values, using "bigots" in the sense of extremely biased mathematically and with malice and prejudice "massaging the data" and assumptions and such to make sure that no "adverse information" or assumptions "bias" the assumptions, data, or results that would effect allowing anyone to notice that there are discreptancies--other than the whole thing being an exercise in bigotry "proving" there isn't any bias involved.

It's like a bad novel. There's a side bar that includes "Taxpayer Bill of Rights (TABOR): Challenging the 'Girly Men' in Our Legislatures" -- note the caricatured all-evil deprecated no-redeeming social value "villains."

Posted February 27, 2005 1:23 PM by Paula Lieberman

The electee in Shoes of the Fisherman is Ukranian. The "American Pope" novel in question is most likely The Accidental Pope, by Raymond Flynn and Robin Moore.

No, it's older than that, and I'm pretty sure it's a single author. I think I read it back in the 80s and it wasn't supernew then; I'd guess 70s-era or before. Argh, this sort of thing drives me crazy!

Posted February 27, 2005 2:11 PM by tavella

Paula:

A member of my old college SF club recently posted a pointer to what I think was the same Libertarian screed-site. I stopped reading when I got to the description of an article about how the Greenhouse Effect was invented to scare people or some-such rot. Ugh.

Posted February 27, 2005 2:17 PM by Stefan Jones

Another thumb's up for Cheapass games.

A few years back, a bunch of friends got one or two selections from thier ouvre.

John M. Ford rubs salt in a long open wound:

I really loved the intricacy and innovation of some "paper" wargames. Some demonstrated a real craft in their use of charts and hex maps and tables to simulate politics and such.

That whole world has more or less evaporated. Computer games just plain whacked wargames. I dig games like Civilization and Age of Empires, but they're not the same.

An outfit called Decision Games does reprint some old SPI titles, but there's still the problem of finding someone else who plays them.

Posted February 27, 2005 2:25 PM by Stefan Jones

Can any of you knitters recommend a nice, simple pattern for a baby blanket? I'm still at the long, straight scarf stage of my knitting career. I'm willing to take on a slight challenge, but I think that cables and lace may well be beyond my abilties.

I've looked around online, and keep finding the "giant dishrag" pattern. I'd prefer not to welcome my secular godbaby into the world with a giant dishrag (baby won't know, but I will).

Posted February 27, 2005 2:38 PM by jennie

\begin{open thread random comment}

I was searching for technical information when this link popped up.

It's good to know that Johnny Von Neumann and Carmen Electra are 100% intellectually compatibile. They are, however, only 67% physically compatible. For greater physical compatibility, Von Neumann should look to Pope John Paul II for a 78% physical rating.

\end{open thread random comment}

Posted February 27, 2005 2:44 PM by Andy Perrin

Jennie -- you want something simple, not involving any yarnovers or increases or decreases, but which is interesting to look at, right?

What I would do, in your case, is to get yarn with an interesting texture and do a rib, but not a normal knit 2, purl 2 rib, but one that's knit 8, purl 2 on the forward side and knit 2, purl 8 on the backward side. No stitches to learn, slightly stretchy (making it useful during the swaddling phase, if the kid has colic), and the texture makes it interesting to look at.

One thing, though: if you're considering chenille yarn -- it's nasty to work with. It knots up, the fuzz comes out at rare but unpredictable intervals, and when you have to undo a row it breaks before it gives.

If others have had good experiences with chenille yarn, please explain how! Because it's yummy to look at and touch.

Posted February 27, 2005 2:49 PM by Lucy Kemnitzer

By the way, I don't know how many here were at Boskone last weekend, but for me it was a mix—I was delighted to see Charlie Ryan there again. He told me he's wearing an editor's hat once more for a small newspaper company in CT and enjoying it very much. On the other hand, the Huckster Room continues to shrink, something that saddens me no end. Much as I like Amazon, one can see the toll online bookselling is taking on the dealers.

That said, I found a hardover of Urth of the New Sun....

Posted February 27, 2005 3:12 PM by John Farrell

Lucy K - I made a sweater with chenille and slubby cotton yarn once. The result was fairly beautiful, but oh how I hated both of those yarns.

The chenille also has a funny tendency to twist and require un-twisting. Gah.

Jennie - the small, hardback Vogue Knitting series has a couple of nice books of baby blanket patterns. Some are quite easy, and when you gain more confidence in your knitting you'll have some more difficult things to graduate to.

Posted February 27, 2005 4:07 PM by Jill Smith

For papal election fun, have a look at this series (part 7) at "halfway down the danube". (parts 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6.)

Fascinating stuff about the papal election of 1458. Here's the start:

The story so far: Aeneas Sylvius Piccolomini, humanist and erotic poet turned apostolic secretary, is on the fast track in the hierarchy of the Catholic Church, having been made bishop of Trieste in 1447, bishop of his hometown Siena in 1451, and cardinal of Santa Sabina in 1456. At this point in time, he is fifty-two years old, half-lame from gout, but intellectually still vigorous. The Pope who appointed him cardinal, Calixtus III, has allowed him to take the baths in Viterbo: [read on]

Posted February 27, 2005 5:28 PM by TH

"half-lame from gout"

I wonder if there's an herbal equivalent of indomethacin or colchizine that will turn up somewhere down the line in the series.

Posted February 27, 2005 6:22 PM by Linkmeister

Since colchicine is derived from autumn crocus (Colchicum autumnale, an "herbal equivalent" would be redundant. We have recorded uses of Colchicum extract for gout going back to the first century CE.

Now where the heck did I put my fleam?

Posted February 27, 2005 6:47 PM by John M. Ford

Ah. Well, my only exposure to the stuff has been in little yellow pill format. I'm now smarter than I was. Thanks.

Posted February 27, 2005 7:06 PM by Linkmeister

Fleam. Yikes!

Posted February 27, 2005 7:08 PM by Linkmeister

We usually have Cheapass games at Minicon, my first exposure to them, and I enjoy them. Unfortunately, I don't play at home; the cats won't play, just sit on the board.

Stefan, in my county there are at least five game stores that provide places to play (low tables for board/paper games, high tables for miniatures). Most of them have free signups, plus a "looking for" bulletin board, but some do charge nominal fees for the tables.

Jennie, the Lion Brand site has a lot of baby knitting patterns:

http://www.lionbrand.com/content-knittingPatternIndex.html

including the classic Ripple blanket pattern.

Linkmeister, my colchicine is a little white pill, but I have Kaiser, so I'm getting whatever they could make the best deal on. Personally, I'm either walking or not. The pain is always there. (Took the dressing off my wrist yesterday, still not much pain, a 3/4" incision and three stitches.)

Posted February 27, 2005 7:40 PM by Marilee

mayakda:

"'It doesn't have to be a member of the College of Cardinals. It doesn't even have to be a priest.'
Really? *boggle*"

The American equivalent is: you don't have to be a lawyer to be appointed or elected Judge. from roughly 200 to 100 year ago, small town folks would appoint or elect someone of outstanding intelligence, honesty, and common sense to be a judge. Now, unfortunately, almost all judges are ex-lawyers, and so are almost all members of Congress. White male millionaire ex-lawyers. This is one of the senses in which I believe that America is far, far, down the "wrong track."

I enjoyed the play "Hadrian VII" adapted by Peter Luke from works by Frederick Rolfe, "Baron Corvo." Chain-smoking American author's life assumes that of his subject 'Pope Hadrian the Seventh' -- a surprise non-priest Pope, in the mad imaginings of protagonist. First published 1967 in "Plays Of The Year Vol.33", Elek, London. First produced 1967, Birmingham Rep. I don't recall if I saw it on Broadway or off-Broadway, though.

Have to catch up on this and contemporaneous threads. My wife, son, and I just got home from a weekend in Las Vegas. Nice chats with Penn & Teller (who have an unannounced new show coming soon). Teller and I have a common top-10 Con ever: Artificial Life II at Santa Fe. "Why were there?" I asked, as we recalled conversing there. "I like to know what's going on in the world," he said.

Good gawk at the car at which Bonnie & Clyde were shot. 167 bulletholes, which is a prime number. Feel doubly sorry for one of their last victims, because his name was Smoot Schmid.

Posted February 27, 2005 8:17 PM by Jonathan Vos Post

If I were to become Pope, obviously most of the changes I would want to make would have already been made. Especially since I haven't been to Mass in years! (I once told a friend my ambitions were to become either Pope or a five-time Jeopardy! champion. This was obviously before they removed the limit on the latter.)

Cardinal Arinze of Nigeria is often considered papabile; he's fairly conservative, as far as I can tell, but I don't think he's part of Opus Dei or any of that rot. Still, I suspect it would be a big shock to a lot of white Catholics to have a black Pope.

Posted February 27, 2005 10:23 PM by Lois Fundis

A gaming thread would break out while I was driving back from Virginia to Boston. Oh well. Scattered comments:

I believe there was a Bonhoeffer piece (and in fact I may be misremembering that as Niemoller -- it's been decades since I saw a copy). I remembered that it was a Strategy & Tactics magazine game, and a little searching indicates that it was in S&T issue 59, in 1976; there would have been a boxed version as well. The way the world works, someone no doubt has one they'd be willing to part with, and The Net means that you might be able to make contact with that person.

The counter is indeed for Bonhoeffer, not Niemoller, as determined by checking here.

As Plot is one of SPI's least-sought-after games acquiring a copy should be easy and cheap. There are several copies available on eBay as I write. If anyone has conceived a sudden desire for one and doesn't want to go the eBay route, feel free to e-mail me (I don't have a copy but can probably point you at someone who does).

The board game "Princes of the Renaissance" also has the Papacy up for bid. It's an interesting mechanic; the entire game is auction driven, so "up for bid" is the literal truth, but possession of certain key figures (e.g. Lucrezia de Borgia) makes acquiring the Papacy cheaper. It's a fun, if somewhat odd, game.

I like Princes of the Renaissance but I wouldn't suggest that a non-gamer start by picking it up. It's not particularly pope-centric in any case. The only game I can think of that actually has papal elections is Richard Berg's The Prince (aka Borgia in the European editions), published by Phalanx. The object of that game is not to become Pope per se, but being Pope gets you lots of victory points and lets you mess with the other players. I thought the game was just OK, but people more into the whole papal election thing would probably enjoy it more.

Posted February 27, 2005 10:41 PM by Dan Blum

The good theological discussions always start when I am busy somewhere else. Drat.

Well Teresa, over the past century, the popes seem to have found their own way to back off from the exraordinary magisterium -- simply don't invoke it except in the most obscure controversies, and then only after consulting the bishops. The current occupant of the Chair of Peter has been both smart and humble enough to not invoke it at all, even when some really wanted him to. In fact, up until Papa Roncalli announced his intention to call a council (to a group of curial cardinals who recieved it in shocked silence) many assumed that no further councils would be needed -- the Curia would come up with an answer, the pope would climb into the chair and that would be that. The problem was that the popes tended not to see it that way once they were elected.

As for who can be elected, it is quite true that you don't have to be a cardinal, but it has been a long time since anyone else was chosen, and it would now also be limited to voting cardinals, that is, those still under the age of 80. Provision has been made for election of non-cardinals, and in fact nonmembers of the clergy -- Canon 332 §1. The pope is by definition Bishop of Rome, so any person elected must be eligible for immediate consecration as a bishop, which means at the minimum a single male practicing Catholic, of any rite. Single because while there are married deacons and priests, depending on whether or not you are in the Latin or an Eastern rite, no rite currently consecrates married bishops.

Posted February 27, 2005 11:56 PM by Claude Muncey

I am shocked, shocked I say, that no one has yet mentioned the only proper successor to the Deuce, the author of "Good News from the Vatican," His Eminence Sixtus VI, Robert Silverberg.

Posted February 28, 2005 12:07 AM by James J Murray

I've spent years trying to find a game and game creation software program that was distributed through the old Kinko's software store for Macs. The game creation software (and of course I'm blocking the name) was a Hypercard stack written by sociologists (at Stanford?) and was for creating simulations of societies; the game had been made for use in class and was called "The Well Tempered Gentleman." In it you were a 17th century would-be nobleman trying to figure out who to toady to and who to sleep with to better your station. Sounds interesting to me...

Posted February 28, 2005 12:54 AM by Bruce E. Durocher II

Oh, and assuming that the couple of Jesuits of my aquaintance are typical, your approach to haigiography should not get you into too much trouble with the current crop of Bollandists.

Posted February 28, 2005 1:08 AM by Claude Muncey

Bruce E. Durocher wrote:

. . . a Hypercard stack written by sociologists (at Stanford?) and was for creating simulations of societies; the game had been made for use in class and was called "The Well Tempered Gentleman." In it you were a 17th century would-be nobleman trying to figure out who to toady to and who to sleep with to better your station.

I'll ask around. Have you tried the HyperCard List? It's now at Yahoo, but lots of folk who might know the stack hang out there.

http://finance.groups.yahoo.com/group/HyperCard/

Posted February 28, 2005 1:11 AM by Lisa Spangenberg

"Well Tempered Gentleman" sounds highly entertaining, though as with all classroom games, it would depend a lot on the mindset of the players. (I understand that the word "classroom" is redundant in that sentence.) There is a venerable and well-loved GDW paper game, "En Garde," of life in Musketeer-era France. Toadyings and socially advantageous sleepings-with were definitely included, along with much waving of pointy bits of steel at other fellows' viscera, and I wonder if a line of descent is involved here.

Now and then I think about doing a revised and expanded version of En Garde (which began as a fencing combat system and jes' growed like the Duke of Buckingham's ambitions). Time. Copious. Spare.

Posted February 28, 2005 2:07 AM by John M. Ford

Isn't the consecration of a demon as Pope one of the signs of Last Days? Not that my citing James Blish is unimpeachable theology.

Posted February 28, 2005 3:07 AM by Jonathan Vos Post

"Shoes of the Fisherman" (Morris West) was made into a film with Anthony Quinn in 1968 so perhaps some of that is seeping through & merging with other stories with a similar idea.

I suspect part of the urge to narrative is part of the function of memory. We remember what makes sense, even if we have to twist it around to make sense out of it.

(Summary includes: "Kiril Lakota, a cardinal who reluctantly steps out from behind the Iron Curtain", so that's not at all anything like Karol Wojtyla (Jr), from Iron Curtain Poland)

Posted February 28, 2005 5:59 AM by Epacris

I suspect part of the urge to narrative is part of the function of memory. We remember what makes sense, even if we have to twist it around to make sense out of it.

Maybe that explains why I always get Shoes of the Fisherman mixed up with this other novel about a black Speaker of the House who gets to be president when Pres & VP die. My only excuse is that I think I read them in grade school as I was going through my dad's collection of RD condensed books, and they may have had the same artist doing illustrations. Some of those condensed books had really neat illustrations. The one about a charwoman who goes to Paris to buy a designer gown comes to mind.

Posted February 28, 2005 10:09 AM by mayakda

There's a nice throwaway bit in Mary Doria Russell's The Sparrow: the viewpoint character is a priest had been off-Earth for decades, and has no idea who is now pope, nor much interest in the question. A middle-aged black man walks into the room, and assuming he's been sent a secretary, he asks him "Do you speak Swahili?" Yes, he does. A brief conversation, the Swahili-speaker leaves, and the main character is informed that he has just snubbed the Pope.

Posted February 28, 2005 11:06 AM by Vicki

Jennie,
One thing that will help your knitting skills as well as make a nice blanket is to create 10x10 squares using different stitches. Go to the library and chose one of the many books with stitches in it. If you can knit, perl, increase, decrease and count, you can made a myriad of designs. Stitch these together and you have a unique sampler.

Posted February 28, 2005 11:52 AM by Gigi Rose

(Summary includes: "Kiril Lakota, a cardinal who reluctantly steps out from behind the Iron Curtain", so that's not at all anything like Karol Wojtyla (Jr), from Iron Curtain Poland)

And the book and film conclude with Kyril I liquidating the Vatican's assets to stave off massive famine in China (and possible nuclear war), so that'e a little off the reality too. This after proving that he is so infinitely humble and humane that Jesus probably has him on speed-dial.

The book is readable but very long and rather dull. The movie, despite some good cast members and opulent filming inside the Vatican, is very long and extremely dull.

Posted February 28, 2005 11:52 AM by John M. Ford

A Pole named Lakota does something to my mind which I cannot describe or even justify.

Posted February 28, 2005 11:56 AM by Lucy Kemnitzer

Lucy -

I was thinking, if not the same thing, then something related.

Posted February 28, 2005 12:53 PM by Graydon

People say there'll be a new Pope soon, but they're just blowing smoke.

Years ago a Discordian gave me a card that said "The bearer is a fully ordained and recognized Pope, or if female, a Mome." (I belong to a little Mome and Pope religion myself.)

Oh, I want a t-shirt that says "Teresa for Mome!" Yes, yes I do! What more momabila (best I could do without any actual Italian) woman do YOU know?

Andy, someone already pointed out that 'a whole nother' has already been heard. Did you know that 'apron' is another child of this particular type of folk etymology, albeit in reverse? English sandhi are involved here, too: the original word was 'napron' and 'a napron' got reanalyzed into 'an apron'. (I suspect 'napkin' is a diminutive, but I've been unable to verify this, or refute it to my satisfaction.)

I loved Cheapass Games' Give Me The Brain! Since playing it, I have used "My tan is stah to da flah" to mean "sorry, I just did/said something stupid/incompetent."

About the Pope: I understand Joseph Ratzinger (who heads the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith aka the Holy Office aka the Inquisition), who Catholic gays of my acquaintance call "Cardinal Rat," while not popabile himself, is a likely kingmaker (popemaker?). If this is the case, chances of a relatively liberal Pope are slim.

Unless they plan to appoint and then poison one, as many people believe was done with JPI. But that, as someone said above, is a whole nother set of conspiracy theories. I'll just go pull on mine apron now...

Posted February 28, 2005 1:08 PM by Xopher

'The Big Picture'

By Jonathan Yardley
Washington Post
Sunday, February 27, 2005; Page BW02
THE BIG PICTURE
The New Logic of Money and Power in Hollywood
By Edward Jay Epstein. Random House. 396 pp. $25.95

"... The blockbusters do well enough in American theaters -- the first 'Harry Potter' pulled in more than $317 million -- but ticket sales are a drop in the bucket: That film's total earnings as of last year were $1,249 billion, the biggest chunk of which ($436 million) came from worldwide DVD sales. In effect, as Epstein persistently argues, theatrical release now exists not to make money but to open the way for 'intellectual property' income to be earned over the long term from other sources."

Ummmmmm, shouldn't "$1,249 billion" be "$1.249 billion?" Or is J. K. Rowling the world's first trillionaire author?

Posted February 28, 2005 1:19 PM by Jonathan Vos Post

Do they still check to make sure that the Pope-elect is in fact biologically male?

Legend has it that they sat the person down in a specially-designed chair. Somebody here will be able to refresh my memory as to what the chair was called.

All thanks to Pope Joan . . .

Posted February 28, 2005 1:35 PM by Laura Roberts

I had to share this - I was just iChatting with a friend about the Oscars. I expressed Lovecraft-style horror re: Adam Duritz's "Sideshow Bob" hairdo and this was my friend's response:

I'm imagining now the original B-52s lyrics ... "Lovecraft, baby, Lovecraft ... hop in my Chaugnar, it's as big as a Faugn, let's get our Necronomic-ON!"

I'm still giggling.

Posted February 28, 2005 1:43 PM by Jill Smith

Xopher, that's neat. Your 'apron' example seems closer to what happened to 'neddris,' which I read about here, at the bottom of the page. My sister used to say, "Can I have a nother cookie/bagel/...?" when we were kids, prompting my first post. (I probably said it too, but I don't remember it.)

Posted February 28, 2005 1:45 PM by Andy Perrin

Well, J.K. Rowling's from Europe... don't they make their decimal points with commas there? Not that this would justify such usage in the Post, but maybe he was reading a press release from her publisher and copied the comma blindly or something? (for that matter UK "billions" are the same as US "trillions" if I understand the usage correctly so maybe she is wealthier than Midas.) Or maybe it's just a typo.

Posted February 28, 2005 2:18 PM by Jeremy Osner

Yes, Andy, then 'napron' followed exactly the same pattern as 'nadder'.

Sandhi are dropping out of English. There used to be sandhi-ns on the ends of 'no' and 'my', for example: hence 'none other' and 'mine enemies'. Both of these ns occurred predicatively, which has now resulted in 'none' and 'mine' becoming separate words.

A nodder* sandhi is /thiy/ vs /th(schwa)/, but that doesn't affect the spelling: 'the' is 'the' regardless of whether the next word is 'elephant' or 'pachyderm'. That one shows signs of dropping out too, which is too bad IMO.

*just kidding

Posted February 28, 2005 2:43 PM by Xopher

Jeremy,

JK Rowling is from Britain (Scotland, to be precise), which is profoundly uncertain whether it's really part of Europe. We use decimal points here. Decimal commas are in use on the other side of the Channel.

The British billion used to be a million million, but it has slowly become a thousand million, as in the US. I leave you to imagine the number of ambiguities that introduces. $1,249 billion in old UK speak would be $1,249 trillion.

I suspect it's a typo. Not that it leaves JK Rowling hurting for money.

Posted February 28, 2005 2:46 PM by abi

http://www.lex18.com/Global/story.asp?S=2989614

Are you feeling safer yet?

Student Arrested For Terroristic Threatening Says Incident A Misunderstanding

...

"My story is based on fiction," said Poole, who faces a second-degree felony terrorist threatening charge. "It's a fake story. I made it up. I've been working on one of my short stories, (and) the short story they found was about zombies. Yes, it did say a high school. It was about a high school over ran by zombies."

...

Posted February 28, 2005 3:01 PM by James D. Macdonald

Zombies. You know, if I got a letter in the mail, and it was all made of letters cut from different newspapers, and it said "You heathen pinko faggot, I'm gonna send my zombies to kill you," I must say I would find it distressing.

But a terroristic threat? Doesn't the word 'credible' have to be in there somewhere?

Posted February 28, 2005 3:11 PM by Xopher

"Anytime you make any threat or possess matter involving a school or function it's a felony in the state of Kentucky," said Winchester Police detective Steven Caudill.

Wow. This and the State AG freewheeling after confidential medical records, and Kentucky sounds rather frightening.

I, like many introverted high school students probably wrote dozens of stories dealing with a fictional high school and mystical come-uppance. You know, those awkward tales where the insipid bully gets turned into his inner troll.

Then again, I'd already have been sent to the re-education camp for teens for wearing black (being a theatre tech) and having a military-surplus trench-coat.

I wonder if this statute only applies to students in Kentucky schools.

Imagine being a writer there, and having some fundy busybody report you to the authorities, because somewhere in your story there is a high school and elewhere in the story there is violence. Heathers is right out as well.
Heck, Jumper might be as well.

And imagine getting narced on by your grandparents. Instead of sitting down and talking with him, they report him to the authorities?!?!?

Posted February 28, 2005 3:27 PM by Dru

Self-correction.

Got My 'K' states mixed up there. What I get for posting while on tech-support hold. Kansas is the one with the crazed state AG.

Posted February 28, 2005 3:37 PM by Dru

If I were Pope, I'd screw with Church officialdom. Try to canonize Bugs Bunny, act nervous whenever anyone mentions holy water, deliver Sunday Mass naked, that kinda stuff.

Posted February 28, 2005 3:43 PM by Michael Pullmann

Heathers, The Class of Nuke 'Em High, Rock and Roll High School, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, The Substitute, The Class of 1999, Dead Poets Society, Bang Bang You're Dead, Guncrazy, Massacre at Central High, The Realm, If, Night of the Comet, Taps, Child's Play ...

Posted February 28, 2005 3:46 PM by James D. Macdonald

Let's not forget Carrie while we're at it.

Meanwhile, there's always a chance that I might be the next Pope, so let's be nice.

Posted February 28, 2005 3:52 PM by James D. Macdonald

Tom Whitmore,

Thanks for suggesting the Friar and the Cipher. I just ordered it from Amazon. It should help with a story I'm working on that uses the Voynich MS as a McGuffin.

Posted February 28, 2005 3:55 PM by Keith

Tavella: I think the work you're thinking of is The Vicar of Christ, about a Korean War hero who becomes Chief Justice of the US Supreme Court, then retires to a monastery and then is elected Pope.

Just another all-american success story.

Meanwhile, if anyone wants to come over to my blog and help me deal with a sudden infestation of Amway drones, please feel free...

Posted February 28, 2005 4:05 PM by Glenn Hauman

Laura Roberts said:
Do they still check to make sure that the Pope-elect is in fact biologically male?

Legend has it that they sat the person down in a specially-designed chair. Somebody here will be able to refresh my memory as to what the chair was called.

(boggle) They have a special chair for checking to make sure if someone is biologically male?

Posted February 28, 2005 4:47 PM by Michelle

Oh, heck, these clods would ban The Lawrenceville Stories, if they knew what they were.* And Penrod -- what a horrible role model, and his name sounds kinda naughty! Don't get me started on Peck's Bad Boy.

Huck Finn, of course, left the country one step ahead of Roy Cohn ("I guess that Mister Cohn was a man who would go very far, but in what direction I could not tell you in front of folks") and was at last report somewhere on the Yangtze River, barefoot doctoring and mourning the passing of Sandra Dee and Hunter Thompson.

*Notwithstanding that the current President clearly longs to be Dink Stover when he grows up.

Posted February 28, 2005 4:52 PM by John M. Ford

About Pope Joan: I regret to tell you that she didn't really exist. What happened was that they found this nifty red-marble seat from Diocletian's(?) baths, only it had a hole in it, and was used for the purpose you're imagining. Then they had to have an explanation, and they decided to go with the "we can't have another female Pope" one, rather than the "we got the papal throne in a potty" one.

Posted February 28, 2005 5:06 PM by TexAnne

Michelle:

"(boggle) They have a special chair for checking to make sure if someone is biologically male?"

Is that the origin of the politically incorrect term "Chairman?";)

James D. Macdonald:

Grosse Pointe Blank particularly comes to mind.

We all know that High School has a dark underbelly, even if the climactic scenes are not always quasiterrorist, for instance in:

Sakura no sono; Ascension; Academy Boyz; Jing Gai'er; Unstable Minds; Twin Peaks; American Beauty; Bang, Bang, You're Dead [TV]; The Last Picture Show; Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels; Acne; Clerks; Batoru rowaiaru; Dirty Deeds; Kenka erejii; Lone Star; Boogie Nights; Strange Fruit; Taiyo o nusunda otoko; Blackboard Jungle...

But I also specially like Mary Woronov as Miss Togar in Rock 'n' Roll High School, especially with The Ramones' soundtrack.

Kansas? I guess that if you can't safely teach Evolution, you can't have a clear concept of the boundary between civilization and chaos.

Posted February 28, 2005 5:07 PM by Jonathan Vos Post

Graydon: I got it -- the point of intersection is horses. And maybe "it's a good day to die."

But I still don't see what that has to do with the Vatican.

Posted February 28, 2005 5:12 PM by Lucy Kemnitzer

Is there a Maple Street in Winchester, Kentucky? Because I think the monsters are due.

Posted February 28, 2005 5:42 PM by Andy Perrin

Re. the failed zombie attack: Kentucky was at the center of a number of copycat shootings following Columbine. I suspect the legislation was passed in light of that, and then probably strenghtened and swept up in some post-9/11 legislation.

I plan to look into this when I get home tonight and post what I can find.

Posted February 28, 2005 5:48 PM by HP

"Possess matter involving a school or function" is a felony? This guy's an idiot; the stupidest legislature in the world (which I grant might be Kentucky's) wouldn't pass that law. A flyer advertising a pep rally is illegal under that interpretation!

I've been trying to get people to boycott Kentucky anyway. NOW will you?

Much as people might claim otherwise, there's no one in the world who really can't live without bourbon.

Posted February 28, 2005 6:09 PM by Xopher

In yesterday's WashPost Letters to Book World, Larry Clopper defends his company, PublishAmerica, from Paula Span's article:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/ac2/wp-dyn/A51773-2005Feb24

Posted February 28, 2005 6:39 PM by Marilee

Hey have any of you read this article in the March issue of Scientific American? "Misconceptions About the Big Bang" by Charles Lineweaver and Tamara Davis. Really nice, straightforward explanation of the expanding universe.

Posted February 28, 2005 7:07 PM by Jeremy Osner

Jeremy, I hadn't seen it, and thanks. I was left scratching my head over one thing, though:

The term "at rest" can be defined rigorously. The microwave background radiation fills the universe and defines a universal reference frame, analogous to the rubber of the balloon, with respect to which motion can be measured.

How can that be true without violating special relativity? I thought All Reference Frames Were Created Equal?

Posted February 28, 2005 8:51 PM by Andy Perrin

Yeah, I've never been able to figure that one out either -- the article resolved a lot of questions that had been floating around for me but left many unresolved and naturally, raised many new ones.

Posted February 28, 2005 8:59 PM by Jeremy Osner

If I recall correctly, the limits of special relativity apply to a very limited case—for objects traveling in a straight path and at a constant velocity. Big Bang domain is basically general relativity (accelerating reference frames and differential geometry), in which you actually can entertain a universal reference frame for the entire cosmos.

Posted February 28, 2005 9:07 PM by John Farrell

In fact, I think it was Godel who first wrote a paper showing that in GR you could have a model of the cosmos that rotates.

Posted February 28, 2005 9:08 PM by John Farrell