Q) How much did it cost the pirate to get his ears pierced?

A) A buck an ear!

Posted September 19, 2005 2:58 PM by James D. Macdonald

Tomorrow is, of course, International Talk Like A Geographer day.

Also discuss.

Posted September 19, 2005 3:00 PM by Patrick Nielsen Hayden

Looks like I have a choice between Red Sam Flint, John Black Cash, and Cap'n Norm Dullblade.

Yo ho, yo ho!

Posted September 19, 2005 3:03 PM by Stefan Jones

Patrick: Tomorrow is, of course, International Talk Like A Geographer day. Also discuss.

Ithsmus be the dopiest holiday I ever heard of.

Posted September 19, 2005 3:04 PM by Andrew Willett

PNH: Oooh, is it?

Signed, geographer-in-training.

Also, realms! Regions! Multinodal! Exogenous processes! Water table! Barchan dunes!

Um. I may need more training at this.

Posted September 19, 2005 3:05 PM by cd

I stopped at one name. I'm Captain Mary Cash. Arr!

Posted September 19, 2005 3:06 PM by Laina

Awww, dammit. Isthmus. Isthmus. Isthmus.

(Arrrr!)

Posted September 19, 2005 3:07 PM by Andrew Willett

Arrr! I'm Edmund the Fashionably Late! Arrr!

Posted September 19, 2005 3:14 PM by Xopher (Christopher Hatton)

Aye, I've been interjecting with salty adjectives and groggy anecdotes all day, mateys. Get yer dialog out there on the plank with the rest of us, arr...

Posted September 19, 2005 3:19 PM by Skwid

Accordin' to Jim's first link--complete with personality quiz!--I am Mad Mary Flint, sa-ha!

The second dubs me Cap'n Calla Fancypants! an' the third, The Blood-Letter. Belay these scurvy linkses!

Posted September 19, 2005 3:21 PM by Jackmormon

How many years before we see International Talk Like A Terrorist day?

I mean, weren't the pirates pretty much the terrorists of their time, hindering international trade?

Whatif... ...whatif we transposed pirates to today and Al-Quaeda to the 17th or 18th century?

Hmm...

Posted September 19, 2005 3:21 PM by Shunra

Cap'n Alena Cannonbait 'ere. Reef them stuns'ls! Look lively, ye scabrous bags o' bones!

Posted September 19, 2005 3:23 PM by Paula Kate

There's a pretty good case to be made that terrorists are pirates and should be treated as such under the law.

Hostis humani generis and all that.

Posted September 19, 2005 3:25 PM by James D. Macdonald

Black Jenny Vane here, attempting to right the course of world weather, as elucidated by the pastafarians, followers of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, who have demonstrated that the decrease in pirates over the years has led to global warming.

Posted September 19, 2005 3:28 PM by hrc

First: Red Mary Flint
Second: Ursula the Cash-Strapped
Third: Captain Keelhauler

I kind of like Ursula the Cash-strapped, though it doesn't sound very piratical.

Now, where did I leave that cutlass --

Posted September 19, 2005 3:33 PM by P J Evans

My pirate name is:

Dirty Anne Flint

I'm the pirate everyone else wants to throw in the ocean -- not to get rid of me, you understand; just to get rid of the smell. Like the rock flint, I'm hard and sharp. But, also like flint, I'm easily chipped, and sparky. Arr!

Get your own pirate name from fidius.org.

Posted September 19, 2005 3:39 PM by janet

Anyone who's read John McPhee's Waiting for a Ship knows that piracy is alive and well on the high seas.

They just have Zodiacs and Uzis instead of longboats and cutlasses.

Back to the intended tone of the thread: wonder if the letter of the day on Sesame Street is "R"?

Posted September 19, 2005 3:40 PM by Lila

There's a pretty good case to be made that terrorists are pirates and should be treated as such under the law.

Quick! Make movies glorifying them and declare international days of...

...oops, that's what happened, hasn't it?

Posted September 19, 2005 3:42 PM by Shunra

Me choices be Iron Ann Kidd, Pirate Aurora the Pale, or Red Baldwin The Terrible.
That's easier than fallin off a plank! Ye better be callin' me Red Baldwin the Terrible, or it be worse fer ye!

Now where's the grog?

Posted September 19, 2005 3:48 PM by mayakda

Lila: indeed, as the Weekly Piracy report tells us.

Posted September 19, 2005 3:48 PM by cd

Arr! Of the three, the one I like best is:

Cannibal Drake Ironman

or, well, "Candiman" for short :D

Posted September 19, 2005 3:54 PM by CaseyL

'Tis a little known secret that the originators of Talk Like A Pirate Day always celebrate "Please, God, Stop Talking Like Pirates Day" on Sept. 20th.

Posted September 19, 2005 4:11 PM by Jezebel

The names of these pirates, the Doctor thought, were not dissimilar to those of pigeons; a panoply of blacks and shades of gray, colourful in adjectives rather than hues.

As to the pirates as agents of political transformation, he had made some notes upon the subject, which indicated that their primary purpose was taking things from ships and trading them for rum and intimate favours, in places ranging from Tortuga to Whitehall. Some did affect views on individual freedom, though these would have rattled the brains of a Paine or a Wollstonecraft, and the notion that they were a seething mass of nautical Robespierres would not stand the light.

It was good to have an enemy, he reflected, and it was good to have an enemy who believed odd things that were incompatible with one's own views. He had encountered sailors from English towns that were fiercely proud of having been sacked by ships scattered from the Armada. While the only evidence of such pillage was here a stack of cannonballs and there a public house named "Ye Dead Spaniardo," every man from those villages stood ready, centuries later, to take the battle back to Philip II, with his dreadful religion and his incomprehensible consonants.

In Celebration of Talk Like Dr. Stephen Maturin Day

Posted September 19, 2005 4:19 PM by John M. Ford

Arrgh John M. Ford! I'm raiding that there piece o' writing and puttin' it with my swag fer me shipmates!

[of course w/ proper attribution]

Black Jenny Vane

Posted September 19, 2005 4:27 PM by hrc

The romantic imagery of piracy arises in part from the confused history, particularly the privateer, and the adventurers of the Elizabethan Age. When there was only a small, ill-funded, military, war became a field to be exploited by private enterprise. Drake filled his own pockets, and the Queen's. Troops were raised by private contractors. The Navy was built on the promise of prize money, looting and pillage sanctioned by law.

It all sounds very familiar, doesn't it.

And the notorious pirate, Henry Morgan, became the governor of Jamaica. Captain Kidd was eventually hanged because he hadn't gotten his paperwork right.

Hold on, this thread isn't supposed to be political?

Posted September 19, 2005 4:33 PM by Dave Bell

Arrrr! Hoist out the grog!

Posted September 19, 2005 4:58 PM by JonathanMoeller

Does anybody know where Dr. Stephen Mathurin got his name? "Mathurin" makes me smile because that was the name of a duckling in a French series of live-action shorts about talking animals.

Posted September 19, 2005 5:04 PM by Serge

Me granddaughter, Maddison, age 10 and her best friend be dressing up as Ann Bonney and Mary Read, and their other best friend as Madame Ching. We be pushing for a Grania O'Malley somewhere in the mix. I best be gettin out me pirate duds. (Sort of like milk duds, only not as classy.) Arrrrrr.

Jane Yolen
author of PIRATES IN PETTICOATS (McKay 1963)
BALLAD OF THE PIRATE QUEENS (Harcourt)
and in 2007 THE SEA QUEENS (Charlesbridge) Arrrrrr.

Posted September 19, 2005 5:10 PM by jane

Stopped drumlin up interest in Talk Like A Geographer Day, have we?

Calico Bess Flint

Posted September 19, 2005 5:25 PM by Melissa Mead

what's thar to say w/ talk like a geographer any how? sw 40 degrees by nw 50 degrees gets real old after awhile (big piraty grin here)

Posted September 19, 2005 5:52 PM by hrc

Je m'appelle Bluebeard.

Posted September 19, 2005 5:58 PM by Linkmeister

Je m'appelle Bluebeard.

Welcome aboard Honeymoon Cruise Lines. We'll be having a Mixed Doubles Lifeboat Drill shortly, but first, I'd like to welcome you aboard, and ask you all not to go in the starboard aft cabin -- that's right side, back end of the floating thing -- on C Deck, that's the one with the large C on it. Really, don't go there. Thanks awfully.

Posted September 19, 2005 6:16 PM by John M. Ford

Has everyone seen Julia's photoshop work in celebration of the day?

http://www.livejournal.com/users/jmhm/1422229.html

Arrr!

Posted September 19, 2005 6:21 PM by Stefan Jones

If I may say so myself, I think this is so awful it deserves wider scorn.

Posted September 19, 2005 6:23 PM by Standpipe Bridgeplate

Arrg! I be Dirty John Roberts, I am!

Posted September 19, 2005 6:24 PM by John Lansford

I got Captain Bess Flint, Pirate Ursula the Parrotless and (worryingly) Musket Max.

Favourite pirate quote: Aaaarrrrr! Many's the night I've dreamed of cheese... toasted, mostly.

Unfortunately, no one here seems likely to talk like a pirate at all. Which is a pity, even though it WOULD be endorsing robbery, extortion and terrorism in bygone ages. Bygone ages can look after themselves.

Posted September 19, 2005 6:34 PM by Sian Hogan

Serge: I dunno. There was an author Charles Maturin who wrote _Melmoth the Wanderer_, which I haven't read, but flagged for O'Brian-ism because it has (IIRC) a shipwreck and a creepy doctor in it.

Posted September 19, 2005 7:31 PM by clew

Arrr... Shiver me timbers and tickle me elmo! Arrrr...

/Heartless Harry

Posted September 19, 2005 9:13 PM by Carl

Then, obviously, what Patrick meant to say earlier was:

From another o' th' many books ne'er cracked at Yale by that horn swogglin' landed-lubber who ortin' t' be keel hauled:

When resources be exhausted, then levies be made under pressure. When power an' resources be exhausted, then th' homeland be drained. Th' common swabbies be deprived o' seventy percent o' the'r budget, while th' government’s expenses fer equipment amount t' sixty percent o' th' budget. Ya lily livered scurvy cur!

— Black Sam Rackham
aka Pirate Butch the Hatless
aka Mighty Ripper
Th' Art o' War

Yammer on!

Posted September 19, 2005 9:17 PM by Joy Freeman

Avast, Frownin' Misty Straw here. O'course, I've no idee what I be frownin' about...

Posted September 19, 2005 9:19 PM by Madeleine Robins

Talkin' pirate-like be no more t'endorse robbin', extortin', tort reformin', barratry, sodomy, or simony than speakin' Shakespearean-like be to justify doin' in yer uncle, or bein' an uncle wot does in anybody in th' immejit vicinity, hidin' in boxes in ladies' bedrooms, or holdin' interestin' banquets. Or that havin' yer parley in BBC English means yer either an Ancient Roman or a Time Lord.

Besides the which, some o' the early lot spoke like Jacobean gen'lemuns, like in yer fine best-sellery book Forever Up Yer Amber, while yer modern sea-rover, he don't talk much but prefers goin' Bang Bang Spee-yow a lot while shoutin' in various untranslatered dialecks. F'r all I know, he's sayin' "Ho, Mister Pitt, prepare to fire on the uproll and have each man stand fast for boarding, accept any offered surrender and harm no ladies," but I figger it's more like "Will ye just bloody die already?"

Purely a piratical opinion, though. Arr.

Posted September 19, 2005 9:23 PM by John M. Ford

Arr! We'll be keelhauling Mr. Gates and throwing his buggy, bloated product overboard to Davey Jones!

...oh! You mean it's not "Talk Like a Software Pirate Day"?

...sorry...

Posted September 19, 2005 10:01 PM by Nancy Wallace

Seen today on a mailing list where I had been promulgating "Talk Like A Pirate Day:"

... notes that much of what passes for piratical dialect is really just Dorset writ weird. Oo arr. More zider.

... If every pirate sounded like Robert Newton, they WOULD be Dorset writ weird. Henry Avery, Edward Teach, and Ned Low among others were all from the West Country, so they pretty much would have sounded like that. Others would have spoken different dialects.

Posted September 19, 2005 10:05 PM by Clifton Royston, I mean Dread Pirate Rackham

Dang, and here I thought it was Talk Like a Prat day!

Posted September 19, 2005 10:11 PM by Michael Rawdon

Clifton, I think the point is that it's the dialects of "specific pirate crews" from specific motion pictures. We haven't got audio from the era, and the best record of the Common Speech is probably some of the drama (if I were going to try an Authentick Jacobean Phonification, I might start with Bartholomew Fair.*) The "Arr, me hearties, shiver the farthingales" routine comes pretty late in the run of Pirate Movies, as it can be sourced to Robert Newton in Blackbeard the Pirate (Raoul Walsh, 1952). The main act of theft is Newton vs. the other actors (and considering that he's up against Torin Thatcher as Henry Morgan, this is an achievement). Tyrone Power never talked like that, nor did Laird Cregar, and thank god nobody thought to have Maureen O'Hara try it; Errol Flynn's crew in Captain Blood have a nice assortment of British accents, but they're not career pirates, they're just in an entrepreneurial role while waiting for regime change. Even the Penzance crowd doesn't do a lot of Arrring or timber-shivering, though the actual amount varies by production. (And anyway, they are all RADA men who have gone wrong.)

*In consideration of which, it is finally agreed, by the foresaid hearers, and spectators, that they neyther in themselues conceale, nor suffer by them to be concealed any State-decipherer, or politique Picklocke of the Scene, so solemnly ridiculous, as to search out, who was meant by the Ginger-bread-woman, who by the Hobby-horse-man, who by the Costard-monger, nay, who by their Wares. Or that will pretend to affirme (on his owne inspired ignorance) what Mirror of Magistrates is meant by the Iustice, what great Lady by the Pigge-woman, what conceal'd States-man, by the Seller of Mouse-trappes, and so of the rest.
-- Ben Jonson, 1631

Posted September 19, 2005 11:21 PM by John M. Ford

Dread Pirate Rackham muses: It had never occurred to me to wonder where our stereotype of pirate talk came from.

Similarly, the stereotypical 'pirate eyepatch' comes from buckaneers desperately shooting the sun with a simple sextant. A few years of that would rather tend to burn out your retina. Arrr.

Posted September 19, 2005 11:45 PM by The REAL "Dread Pirate Robert" Oldendorf

I liked Calico Bess a lot, but one of the generators gave me:

"Parrot-Got-Me-Eye" Corliss

And I think that's absolutely grand. Arrr!

Posted September 20, 2005 12:38 AM by Calico Bess Bonney

Cap'n Yvette Knockboots

or else Wilhelm the Dense

Posted September 20, 2005 12:59 AM by julia

My three pirate names, and reactions to them:

Mad Roger Rackham - Well, it's OK I guess....

Dagger Wilson - Not half bad....

Eel Skin Isaac - Arrrr!!!!

Posted September 20, 2005 1:10 AM by Rob T.

Hmm, my lovely wife Michelle turns out to be one Mighty Ripper, while I prove on inspection to be Mad Dog Melvin! Not sure what to be more boggled about. Arr!

Posted September 20, 2005 1:28 AM by Adrian Bedford

An' be it duly noted, mateys, that the Pittsburgh Pirates made the Houston Astros walk the plank, 7-0.
http://sports.yahoo.com/mlb/recap?gid=250919123

Arrrrr!

Posted September 20, 2005 1:32 AM by Lois Aleta Fundis

I saw a note on the intranet that one of our local offices was having a pirate-themed dress-down-day for Talk Like A Pirate Day, with charitable collections and, oh, I don't know, plunder and so on. There's something about this meme that just seems to catch on everywhere, as if the world was short of totally stupid public celebrations or something. Arrr.

Posted September 20, 2005 3:38 AM by Alison Scott

I be able to choose Mad Sam Rackham (and a hearty "avast ye" to brother Roger), "Quadruped" Edmund Slasher, or "You cannot access the following Web address". That last one don't sound too authentic if you ask me.

Posted September 20, 2005 5:59 AM by Paul Clarke

The world is short a couple of stupid celebrations. We've got the midwinter solstice and dress-up day on the quarterday at the beginning of Winter, and that chocolate egg day which moves about but is usually somewhere between the vernal equinox and the quarterday at the start of summer.

The Scandanavians still make a big deal of Midsommar, but it's not big elsewhere, so we're one down there. Chinese New Year falls a bit before the February quarter day, and many places still celebrate May day.

International Talk Like A Pirate Day is near enough to the Autumnal equinox to resonate with our genetic need to party as world progresses along its orbit.

Posted September 20, 2005 6:02 AM by Niall McAuley

...they're just in an entrepreneurial role while waiting for regime change.

Arrrrrrn't we all?

Posted September 20, 2005 6:38 AM by Mark D.

Ahoy there, Mr Ford, you infernal bugger! Jump down to the orlop and write me out some more PO'B novels.

Posted September 20, 2005 7:58 AM by Emil

I wonder what logic the pirate name generator follows... My wife became Cap'n Amora Cutthroat, which isn't shabby at all, but I apparently am Melancholy Bradford Jones. Arrrr!!!

Posted September 20, 2005 8:50 AM by Serge

I think I saw that Blackbeard movie years ago, John. It was quite odd, if memory serves me right. This image popped in my head of Blackbeard buried in sand up to his neck. And the tide comes in and submerges him and he's still alive and he looks REALLY pissed off.

Posted September 20, 2005 8:57 AM by Serge

So, I was tryin' to get through the long hours of the grraveyarrd watch, an' around midnight I succeeded in teachin' me parrot to say "Compass Rose! Terminator! Prime Meridian!"

D'ye think I should name him "Segue"?

Posted September 20, 2005 9:52 AM by Sandy

Yarr!

OK...that's enough piraticisms for me for a year.

Posted September 20, 2005 10:00 AM by Skwid

Hey, where did my insurance company get to? I want to make a claim on my piracy policy!

Posted September 20, 2005 11:51 AM by Dave Bell

A day late and a doubloon short, but here 'tis: "I'm not going to play the blame game."

Posted September 20, 2005 11:54 AM by TexAnne

DD was the _only_ child at school to celebrate Talk Like a Pirate Day. She went in with her pirate hat, cutlass, and spyglass, and "arr"'d at everyone in sight.

Clearly, next year I have to prep the teacher . . . .

Meanwhile, we had great fun pretending to be woman pirates and part of an all-female pirate crew.

Sign me Mad Bess Flint

Posted September 20, 2005 2:13 PM by Melissa Singer

Arrr! Thar be Talk Like a Pirate Day photos at Flickr, maties.

Posted September 20, 2005 9:01 PM by Larry Brennan

This was particularly eerie for me, given that my own imagination of Stephen Maturin has always included a large amount of Mike Ford.

Posted September 21, 2005 8:29 AM by Patrick Nielsen Hayden

In Celebration of Talk Like Dr. Stephen Maturin Day

Mike... this is astonishing. Bravo.

Posted September 21, 2005 10:47 AM by Alex Cohen

Mike's like that. I sent him a love-note a la pirate, and I got back one in Maturin.

*swoon*

Posted September 21, 2005 11:10 AM by elise

#23 John M. Ford: In Celebration of Talk Like Dr. Stephen Maturin Day

You have debauched our sloth!

Posted September 19, 2007 7:06 PM by Michael Weholt

Has anyone else discovered the charms of the "Bloody Jack" series by L.A. Meyer--which is kind of a pirate/finishing school/Aubrey-Maturin/Hornblower esque series for young adults?

I don't want my two-year-old to grow up any faster, but when she does, I can't wait to hand her these!

Posted September 20, 2007 8:51 AM by Sarah S

Even the Penzance crowd doesn't do a lot of Arrring or timber-shivering

That's because they're not real pirates--just noblemen who have Gone Wrong

Posted September 20, 2007 11:57 AM by rea

Yet for all their faults, they love their Queen!

Posted September 20, 2007 12:20 PM by Nancy C. Mittens

In that case they'd better resume their ranks and ceremonial duties, and take my daughters* -- all of whom are beauties.

* Completely imaginary, I hasten to add.

Posted September 20, 2007 12:48 PM by Fragano Ledgister

WORF: You have always used your knowledge of Klingon honor and tradition to get what you want from me.

PICARD: That's because it always works. Your problem, Worf, is that you really do have a sense of honor... you really do care about things like loyalty and trust.

WORF: (after a pause) Well, you have appealed to my sense of duty, and my duty is only too clear. I abhor your infamous calling; I shudder at the thought that I have ever been mixed up with it; but duty is before all -- at any price I will do my duty.

PICARD: Bravely spoken! Come, you are one of us once more.

One of these days, I really would like to see that operetta as it was meant to be seen: in the original Klingon.

Posted September 20, 2007 1:28 PM by Joel Polowin