The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette reports on those persistent rumors that the United States Postal Service, in thrall to the orbital mind control lasers of the secular conspiracy, plans to discontinue traditional Christmas stamps:
Patrons looking for a new religiously themed stamp this year are getting leftover Madonna printings from last year, touching off a wave of reports that the Postal Service was planning to discontinue religiously themed Christmas stamps.
“It’s absolutely not true,” said Diana Svoboda, spokeswoman for the Pittsburgh district. Next year’s printing will include a new Madonna and the price stamped over her left shoulder will explain why a new one wasn’t printed this year: Rates are going up to 39 cents per letter Jan. 8. […]
The time being the cyber era, and the culture being skittish, the theory of the vanishing Christmas stamp has taken deep root in the American imagination, alongside complaints about school pageants with new words to “Silent Night,” possibly sung under a “unity tree.” […]
One [web site], called “Darleen’s Place,” carried a vivid account on Nov. 24 in which the author’s mother asks for the Madonna stamps, and the clerk pulls out the previous year’s issue and tells her, “These are all I have and they’ll be the last you ever see.”
“Mom asks, ‘What do you mean?’ He explains the USPS will not be issuing any more ‘religious’ stamps.”
The encounter also has the clerk informing Darleen’s mom that he is not permitted to say “Merry Christmas.” […]
A similar story turned up on a Web site run by right-wing pundit Michelle Malkin. A reader there reported calling the postal service’s public line and being told that religiously themed stamps were being discontinued “to avoid any legal constitutional issues.”
This was startling news to Mark Saunders, a postal service spokesman in Washington. He’d just finished mailing a news release that announced the design for next year’s Madonna stamp.
Mind you, the dark forces behind the Post Office do plan to pollute America’s precious bodily fluids next year with DC Comics stamps. You know it’s all downhill from there and in 2007 and 2008 we’ll be franking our postal mail with images of Michel Foucault and Lou Reed.