A Seuss-o-gram from me to Virgin Records, who put an obnoxious warning in their latest Coldplay release:

That Virgin Sam! That Virgin Sam!
I do not like that Virgin Sam!

He thinks some kind of crook I am.
His dippy disk's not worth a dram.

I would not play it on a Mac!
I would not mp3 a track.

I'd not my hand-held player risk
Or burn the bleeper to a disk.

I'd not put it on my LD
Or play it on a DVD.

I'd not use CD-R, by heck,
Or play it on my Windows deck.

I'll leave it off my game machine
And likewise keep my hard drive clean.

So keep your dumb DRM kit,
I do not want it, not a bit.

You think your music's so darn hot.
Is it worth all that? No it's not.

I'm not the sheep you think I am,
So shove it sideways, Virgin Sam!

Posted January 7, 2006 12:28 PM by Kip W

"Aslan! Put down that mint jelly!"

"Uh, I was just going to, you know, lie down with it."

Posted January 7, 2006 12:42 PM by John M. Ford

actually I don't believe you're allowed to do most of that with the new Coldplay cd.

since Aslan is really a sort of God dress-up can't he do what he wants with the lamb, and the mint jelly.

Posted January 7, 2006 12:45 PM by bryan

Pair that with a glass of Christ's Blood, vintage 0 (though that's likely a mislabel).

Posted January 7, 2006 12:46 PM by Will "scifantasy" Frank

There's actually 57 varieties of mint jelly.

Posted January 7, 2006 12:50 PM by bryan

Actually, this provokes an interesting question. What does Aslan eat? Lions are carnivores, but I don't think it's quite kosher--pun intended--for a religious leader to chow down on his flock.

Posted January 7, 2006 12:51 PM by Will "scifantasy" Frank

We're not so far apart, really.

They say, "don't do,"
I say, "won't do."
They say, "could not,"
I say, "would not."
Shall not! Will not!
Tomayto! Tomahto!
Let's throw the dumb thing out.

Posted January 7, 2006 12:52 PM by Kip W

Anybody watching Battlestar Galactica? The plot is definitely thickening with last night's season premiere, with President Roslin basically telling Adama that he has to get Admiral Caine killed one way or the other, or else all of humanity will die.

Meanwhile, for those who wonder what Edward James Olmos's politics are, there was an interview in a recent issue of the TV Guide where they asked him if the show will end some day. His response?

"They should find Earth. When they land, they'll be happy they found it. They'll walk off the ship and they'll get nuked. One of the commandos will turn to President Bush and say, 'The aliens have been defeated.'..."

Posted January 7, 2006 12:56 PM by Serge

Serge: Hey, Edward James Olmos still means "Justice Mendoza" to me, so I'm not surprised.

Posted January 7, 2006 12:58 PM by Will "scifantasy" Frank

As I've said elsewhere: If this whole DRM thing means I hear less of Coldplay's so-called music, I'm all for it.

Posted January 7, 2006 1:06 PM by Robert L

"Justice Mendoza", Will? Was that the name of his character in the TV courtroom drama of a few years ago, with Chris Noth?

Of course, Olmos played the main character in "Stand and Deliver". Especially with that movie, his politics should have been obvious, but I didn't want to make assumptions. (That tendency of mine even in the face of the obvious why I'm no good at finding whodunit in mysteries.)

Posted January 7, 2006 1:10 PM by Serge

*grin* It's the character he played on The West Wing.

Posted January 7, 2006 1:13 PM by Will "scifantasy" Frank

"but I don't think it's quite kosher--pun intended--for a religious leader to chow down on his flock."
he's not a tame lion you know.

Posted January 7, 2006 1:15 PM by bryan

Olmos was on West Wing, Will? I should have known, even though I've very seldom watched the show. If I remember correctly, it premiered when Bill Clinton's troubles with Whitewater and with Monica Lewinski were going on at full throttle. It'd have been too depressing to watch the fiction with such a what-should-have-been resonance.

Posted January 7, 2006 1:29 PM by Serge

Will "scifantasy" Frank: What does Aslan eat? Lions are carnivores, but I don't think it's quite kosher--pun intended--for a religious leader to chow down on his flock.

Makes me think of the sickly tofu-fed lion from Futurama.

Posted January 7, 2006 1:29 PM by Larry Brennan

"but I don't think it's quite kosher--pun intended--for a religious leader to chow down on his flock."

Actually, some might argue that there's a long (if not quite honorable... perhaps venerable by virtue of age alone) tradition of the clergy feasting upon the laity. I'm thinkin' Pharisees, the Aztecs & Mayans (quite literally, in their cases, eh?), the excesses of various and sundry European monks, the excesses of various and sundry Buddhist monks, Bishops during the Crusades, and so on... And then there're the sex scandals of the contemporary Roman Catholic Church.

Admittedly, many (but far from all) of these accounts have been intended as pure propaganda, but still - not a tame lion, indeed. It would appear that the lion requires a fair helping of the blood of the lamb every now and again, regardless of culture.

But then, perhaps I haven't had enough coffee this morning.

(Also, is the site experiencing database problems today? There's an anchor tag for seds.org showing up in the title bar of my browser (IE6).)

Posted January 7, 2006 1:34 PM by protected static

Will "scifantasy" Frank: Pair that with a glass of Christ's Blood, vintage 0 (though that's likely a mislabel).

Is that Rh positive or negative?

Posted January 7, 2006 1:35 PM by Roy G. Ovrebo

Serge: Yeah, in the first season (which would have been fall of 1999-spring of 2000). He was a very left-wing judge who the President and his staff put on the shortlist for S.C. nominee, but people accused them of doing it so they could say they had a (an?) Hispanic man on the shortlist.

They decided to make him their nominee after their original choice, also a liberal judge but one who would have sailed through the confirmation, turned out to not believe in a Constitutional right to privacy.

Of course, he was both extremely outspoken (even when he should have been quiet and let the White House speak for him) and caused no end of problems to the White House before he was confirmed. The Communications Director, who had been put in charge of the nominations, almost had an ulcer--then again, he always felt like that.

Posted January 7, 2006 1:41 PM by Will "scifantasy" Frank

Tanks for the clarifications about Olmos, Will.

On the subject of what big creatures eat... I notice that the Skiffy Channel's first 'original' movie of the year is about - believe it or not - an oversized creature trying to eat humans although this time it's a giant rhino beetle. What will they think of next? Too bad I have to wait until March to see Dark Kingdom, but at least it'll be the full-length version. I understand from going to Diane Duane's site that the British were treated to a 2-hour version.

Posted January 7, 2006 1:51 PM by Serge

Makes me think of the sickly tofu-fed lion from Futurama.

Speaking of Futurama, did you guys hear that Fox is thinking about bringing it back from zee dead? Possibly to play episodes on Fox or on Comedy Central?

See, I read that, and immediately, I think, "Hey, maybe that means they might bring Firefly back." (Which I ONLY JUST finished watching for the first time a few days ago. My fandom was instant, loyal, and assured.)

Maybe.

One can always hope anyway.

Posted January 7, 2006 2:02 PM by PiscusFiche

And for me, Olmos will always be Lt. Castillo on Miami Vice, with his strange past in Cambodia and his secrets...

Posted January 7, 2006 2:02 PM by Paula Kate

At the movies, when I think of Olmos, I think of Bladerunner. And of the musical Zoot Suit, where he played the Devil.

Posted January 7, 2006 2:15 PM by Serge

Another vote for Bladerunner. And those tiny, perfect bits of origami.

Posted January 7, 2006 2:17 PM by Madeleine Robins

Kip W, I'm still ROTFL laughing several minutes later.

Permission to forward to some very anti-DRM friends?

Posted January 7, 2006 3:06 PM by Meredith

I reckon as long as Aslan didn't eat talking animals, it would be OK. Carnivorousness is part of nature, after all.

But I wonder if he sometimes looked out across Narnia and saw everyone as little steaks, like Alex the lion does in Madagascar.

My vote is for Stand and Deliver, though mostly because any film that includes the line (not by Olmos), "The postman. I killed him. His body's decomposing in my locker." gets my vote most of the time.

Posted January 7, 2006 3:08 PM by abi

As I recall, lions of the Mayans, and possibly the Aztecs, ate (or at least killed) the lambs of the other flock; ie. prisoners captured in war.

I hope that Jobs kicks Coldplay, and any band that employs simular measures, off iTunes (where the future lies). But I doubt he will.

Posted January 7, 2006 3:16 PM by jhlipton

From Open Thread 56:
ElizabethVomMarlowe:

Speaking of common/uncommon words in English, can anyone help me decide on a new recall command word? (For dog obedience.) I want something: easy to remember, one or two syllables, distinctive sound, never or extremely rarely used in everyday dialogue. It'd be nice if it somehow related to "come", but that part is more optional.

A one or two syllable word, related to "come"? I can think of two words, ROT-13ed to protect innocent eyes (since they ares a weeee bit naughty):

"Fcrez" or "Betnfz"

Posted January 7, 2006 3:30 PM by jhlipton

Apropos of nothing, I Just Want To Say that there are some people in the world for whom no description suffices except that excellent British adjective, "barking".

Ladies and gentleman, I give you Alec Rawls.

Posted January 7, 2006 3:48 PM by Patrick Nielsen Hayden

From my review of the Narnia movie:
This is a children's story, and contains unreasonable things. There is a Christmas, and a Father Christmas (sleigh, reindeer, bag of gifts), but no Christ. Everyone speaks and writes in English. There is a working lamp-post in the middle of the forest (yes, Lewis explains that in a later book, but it's an afterthought about a beautiful and mysterious image). Everything thinks and speaks, even the trees, but though there are obligate carnivores on both sides of the war, and eggs on the breakfast table in Aslan's camp, there's not much said about the ethics of hunting and eating.

Posted January 7, 2006 3:50 PM by Don Simpson

jhlipton, I think you're thinking of jaguars, since there aren't very many Central American lions.

Or maybe you're thinking of the Romans, who are, possibly apocryphally, infamous for feeding folks to felines.

Posted January 7, 2006 3:50 PM by Alex LM

Actually, there's a long history of gods chowing down on their followers too.

Posted January 7, 2006 4:17 PM by older

Nice, Patrick. Is this guy part of that group that wants to name everything after Reagan?

Speaking of cancelled-before-their-time TV shows, I'd love to hear people's thoughts of "Freaks and Geeks" or it's less known sibling, "Undeclared"? Two television classics that, unfortunately, can never be brought back.

BTW, my daughter just said, "Daddy, can I watch TV after I finish playing Hungry Hungry Hippopatamuses."

Posted January 7, 2006 4:32 PM by Randall P.

For a moment, I thought I might be walking into a PDQ Bach celebration, with the soundtrack from his oratorio Angus Dei. But mint jelly doesn't usually go along with beef.

One comment above reminds me of a remark in one of Orwell's essays on his time in Burma, in which he says that the haunches of the local antelope variant as they sprang away fairly whispered "mint sauce" to him.

Posted January 7, 2006 4:35 PM by C.E. Petit

Patrick: John Rawls was a genius, Alec is precisely the opposite.

Posted January 7, 2006 4:46 PM by Fragano Ledgister

Central America also has mountain lion/puma/cougar/mexican lion/catamount/deer tiger/panther/pantera/cabcoh/red tiger.

Posted January 7, 2006 4:48 PM by Aquila

Does Heinz do onion rings?

Posted January 7, 2006 4:54 PM by P J Evans

Protected Static:
Not a database error -- a side effect that is perhaps a bit messier than Teresa would like.

Elise:
... he did not adulterate his sauce with turnips or other false vegetables, as his competitors did.

Was Henry Heinz involved in a Vegetology heresy?

Posted January 7, 2006 5:15 PM by John Houghton

I figured there were animals and talking animals, sort of like the big mice and whatever mice may have not been around for the gnaw-off. So Aslan could eat whatever he wanted, as long as it didn't curse at him when he tried.

My own question: I made the blackberry liqueur stuff, generally from recipes posted here over the summer. Is it meant to taste quite so perfectly like cough syrup? I don't mind it, but I'd like to know whether to say, "Yes, it's quite good," or, "Sorry, mix it with whatever you want," when people make a face.

Posted January 7, 2006 5:28 PM by Cassie

The rest of it looks latin. Thus, shouldn't it be "cum" and not "con"?

Posted January 7, 2006 5:37 PM by Mikael Johansson

Patrick -

I had heard rumors of the Flight 93 Memorial 'controversy' going on over in Wingnutistan, but hadn't seen it in detail. But to sit down and read it, that's just hilarious. Thanks for the link, that cheered me up.

The insidious Islamo-Fascist Great Circle that Rawls warns us of also points just as accurately to Halifax (Canadians!), Barcelona (Spanish surrender-monkeys!), and Palermo (make up some wingnut anti-Sicilian slur!). And the best part: it misses Mecca by a couple hundred miles. Rawls says that this error shows how cunning this encoded meaning is: he's made his conspiracy theory genuinely irrefutable.
And Rawls has gone public with it, so now he's committed himself to defending it. It just gets better and better.

Not to get sucked too deeply into Rawls' worldview, but a moment's Googling shows that Moslems don't agree among themselves how to determine the direction of Mecca. I'm a couple decades away from spherical geometry, but off the top of my head, I can think of at least three defensible headings to pick from. Plus-or-minus a couple degrees from three headings means that lots of easterly orientations will point "toward" Mecca.

Just batshit crazy.

Posted January 7, 2006 6:01 PM by Bob Oldendorf

Thus far C.E. Petit - For a moment, I thought I might be walking into a PDQ Bach celebration, with the soundtrack from his oratorio Angus Dei.

You'd want horseradish with Angus Dei, though, not mint sauce.

Posted January 7, 2006 6:04 PM by Sam Kelly

Completely unrelated to everything said above, and possibly you've seen it ages ago, but I thought it funny enough to risk it. The War of 1812-song: http://www.deadtroll.com/index2.html?/1812/~content
(I know not HTML. Forgive me.)

Posted January 7, 2006 6:14 PM by KristianB

Does Heinz do onion rings?

Through their Ore-Ida division.

Posted January 7, 2006 6:18 PM by John M. Ford

Does God offer other menu choices for those of us who don't like lamb?

Posted January 7, 2006 6:23 PM by Luthe

Meredith, permission granted. Only you can't view it on anything that can print or make identical copies... ha ha! me such kidder! Seriously, permission granted. Only if you don't mind, I'd rather call it a "Sam-o-gram" than a "Seuss-o-gram," having thought about it.

Posted January 7, 2006 6:27 PM by Kip W

Onion Ring to bring them all,
Onion Ring to bind them,
Onion Ring to drool them all,
And in the darkness blind them.

(Or at least I think that's why Sauron was playing with cyclotrons, in the course of pursing in own startup after the dissolution of Thangorodrim Inc.; he'd had a good gig there as CTO and chief spokeswerewolf, the latter position which also carried the alternate title of Cosmic Metatron. Either that, or it's time for another dose of cough syrup.)

Posted January 7, 2006 6:30 PM by Julie L.

Does Heinz do onion rings?
Through their Ore-Ida division.

And all I'd done was look at the links in the thread title....
Seriously, I didn't know Ore-Ida was part of Heinz. For that matter, I didn't know Ore-Ida did anything but various kinds of potato product.

Posted January 7, 2006 6:45 PM by P J Evans

I guess in South America, the Jaguarm God lies down with the lambah...

On the other paw, what if the lamb gives itself up to Aslan? St Shank? St Chop? St Goes Good with Mint Jelly?

Posted January 7, 2006 7:06 PM by jhlipton

jhlipton: I seem to remember seeing or reading something recently about newer evidence that has come to light about the Mayans and their rituals - IIRC, some ceremonies required steeper sacrifices: some of your own people, and not just captives.

John H: So I see; I always thought HTML was messier, anyway...

Posted January 7, 2006 7:13 PM by protected static

jhlipton: St Goes Good with Mint Jelly?

I hear that's Aziraphael and Crowley's favorite saint. Very tasty.

Posted January 7, 2006 7:42 PM by Luthe

The links on the title words aren't just messy, they make it impossible to use the Next link from the previous thread. You have to come out to the main page and then into this thread.

Randall P, my review of Freaks and Geeks is here.

Posted January 7, 2006 7:47 PM by Marilee

I'd love to hear people's thoughts of "Freaks and Geeks" or it's less known sibling, "Undeclared"?

F&G was wonderful, and was brought to a reasonable conclusion.

SPOILERY

I had mixed feelings about the last scene, in which two teens drive off to follow the Dead, to the accompaniment of "Ripple."

For the "freak" girl from the struggling dysfunctional family, this was probably a good thing; a chance to get away from a really bad situation, travel, and hang with relatively bright (if a bit dope addled) people. I could picture her growing up and widening her horizons.

For the co-protagonist bright-girl- finding-herself, it strikes me as a bad thing. She blew off a chance to go to a intellectually enriching summer program. Instead she decides to extend her angsty rebellion. "Eh."

I wasn't as fond of "Undeclared." F&G showed teens doing a wide variety of stuff; "Undeclared" boiled down to being a romance-and-relationships in-the-dorm-kind of thing. Predictable stuff.

(I had high hopes when I saw one character reading and enthusing Ayn Rand novel. Wouldn't it have been cool to have him spiral off into delusional Objectivism? And have other characters discover all the weird subcultures you find on campus? Have some discover love for an academic subject, and others screw up and drop out?)

Posted January 7, 2006 8:03 PM by Stefan Jones

It has been a f*****g miserably rainy week in Portland. Not quite non-stop, and once in a great while the sun shines (for, like, a half an hour at a time), but for the most part damp, dark, and dreary.

Worse, I can't just stay hole up inside all day, because I have a big dog who needs exercise. (And, well, so do I.)

The drenching has pointed out a serious problem with both of my rain coats:

The pockets collect water. The openings actively sluice rain inside.

This makes carrying dog treats, mail, tissues (I have a cold) problematical. There's only so much you can shove in pants pockets, and it seems silly to carry a belt pack.

If anyone knows a design of rain coat that is relatively light (it is warm out here), give a holler!

Posted January 7, 2006 8:18 PM by Stefan Jones

Randomness:

Reagrding large felines: It's well known among pedants that "there are no tigers in Africa". But when I first met a native African (born in Ghana), he was quite insistent that there were tigers in the jungles of the East African interior.

The solution comes from the linguistic interpretation of "tiger". In 18th/early 19th century English, "tiger" was used to refer to any large cat, including the leopards and cheetahs of Africa. The English-speaking former colonial nations of Africa have retained this usage. So if an African tells you he's seen tigers in his native land, he's probably not just blowing smoke.

From the Smothers Brothers:

"There were vicious pumas in the crevasses."

"There are no pumas in the United States, Tom. No pumas in North America."

"Well, there were these vicious beasts in the crevasses. And they sure looked like pumas."

On divers and sundry Rings:

This Ring, and no Other, was made by the Elves,
Who'd pawn their own Mother to get it themselves.
Sought after by Mortal, Creeper, and Scallop,
This Ring is a Sleeper that packs quite a Wallop.
The Power Almighty is stored in this Lone Ring:
The Power, alrighty, for doing your Own Thing.
If busted or broken, it cannot be remade;
If found, send to Sorhed (the postage is prepaid).

Posted January 7, 2006 8:38 PM by Jimcat Kasprzak

Also a bit of subtlety:

The "Straight Dope" article mentions that one of the enormous billboards that Heinz erected to promote its "57 varieties" slogan was at 23rd Street and Fifth Avenue in New York. This would have been either on, or just across the street from, the location of the Flatiron Building.

Insert your conspiracy theory here.

Posted January 7, 2006 8:48 PM by Jimcat Kasprzak

How did questionaires get the name "meme"? As I understand meme, it's not just an "idea" or "questionaire". It's a thought, phrase, bit of whatever that has become embued in the social unconscious. "All our base" is a true meme, as I understand the word. "Flying Spagetti Monster" is another. A random qustionaire doesn't fit, as I see it.

Unless I'm missing something (which is quite probable).

Posted January 7, 2006 9:03 PM by jhlipton

Stephan Jones asked:
If anyone knows a design of rain coat that is relatively light (it is warm out here), give a holler!

I've been very pleased with my Pac Tech Performance. Light enough for those warm rainy days, cuts the wind when it's blowing and has kept me dry through some amazing downpours. I don't usually carry more than my keys in the pockets, so I don't remember if there's a water problem with bulier, more absorbant items.

Posted January 7, 2006 9:46 PM by Alice Bentley

Bob:

"Wingnutistan"!!!

*shaking head in stunned admiration*

Posted January 7, 2006 10:33 PM by Lila

I like my Red Ledge raincoat... (I'm in Seattle, Stefan - it's been pretty grotty here as well)

The jacket's a simple waterproof hooded shell; it has good vents, and the well-protected pockets zip closed. The jacket compresses down into either of its own front pockets or into a small (approx. 2" x 8") stuff sack that they are sold in. My only gripe is that the zippers are somewhat prone to getting caught in their protective flaps, but they've been pretty easy to unstick.

If you want to check them out in person, G.I. Joe's carries them, along with matching rain pants.

Posted January 7, 2006 10:38 PM by protected static

There's a new Tim Powers on the horizon.

More and more like a James Burke and William S. Burroughs mind-meld with every book.

Posted January 7, 2006 11:36 PM by Josh Jasper

Someone needs to run Baen's advertising people through a French lesson. Their ad on p22 of the January Locus has 'his' and 'fiance' in the same phrase. Given that the book in question is by Ringo, I don't think so.

Posted January 7, 2006 11:51 PM by P J Evans

How did questionaires get the name "meme"?

First of all: you're quite correct, it's a rather inappropriate use of the word.

I believe the connection is that memes--real ones--are passed along from person to person based on the strength of their appeal or interest. A Livejournal/blog "meme," from "What kind of cheese are you?" to "15 things about books," is something that you see pop up on your blog list or your friendslist, and you do it, and then you pass it on to the people on your friendslist or reading list. From one person to another until it seems that everyone is doing them.

Posted January 7, 2006 11:57 PM by Emily H.

Lila: "Wingnutistan"!!!

*shaking head in stunned admiration*

Thanks. While I'm delighted that you like it, I doubt that it's original to me. A quick Google shows that both Daily Kos and The Poorman have priority.

It sure does name a well-defined place on the virtual map, though, doesn't it?

Posted January 8, 2006 12:19 AM by Bob Oldendorf

did you but know, our gracious hostess has been called out as an archetypical rationality-challenged lefty in the hot new wingnut happening of the moment

NielsenHayden seems to speak for about a third of the commentators in thinking that any interest in the actual facts is a sign of dementia. Others stroke their chins as if they can't figure out in what sense it placing the central construct of a mosque on the crash site would be inappropriate (it violates the establishment clause for one). Some of you think that objecting to a Mecca oriented crescent on the crash site is interpretting ALL crescents as Islamic (Neilsen thinks it is interpretting east as Islamic). Not a one of you makes the slightest bit of sense.

Everyone here is self-lobotomized. You will find SOME excuse not to be interested in the truth, some reason to dismiss what you take to be an opposing viewpoint rather than let yourself look into it.

Posted January 8, 2006 12:39 AM by julia

I was thinking about jumping in over there at Tbogg, but, after I read through the comments - and after taking a quick look over at Alec Rawls' own site - I think prudence may be in order: this Rawls really does seem somewhat unhinged by his Discovery.

It's like reading the LiveJournal version of some unknown Lovecraft story, watching Rawls disintegrate under the strain of convincing the fools of the importance of his theory.

Posted January 8, 2006 2:19 AM by Bob Oldendorf

Re: Alec Rawls

These days, I'm probably not in the healthiest of mental spaces. You've, no doubt, heard the perennial question rephrased and reapplied on an as-needed basis: Idiot or Asshole? It happens when you're faced with behavior so perplexingly wrong that finding an explanation of its motivation devolves into trying to decide whether the person exhibiting the behavior is either 1) really that dumb and doesn't realize the asshole quality of their actions, or 2) really such an asshole that pretending to be dumb is just a way to cause additional aggravation.

I swing back and forth. These days, I'm in the space where I'm generally inclined to be charitable toward the intelligence of my philosophical opponents at the expense of my appreciation for their benevolence. It won't last. Maybe by Tuesday or Wednesday, I won't be able to maintain a lid on it any longer, and I'll swing back to deciding that they're all idiots again.

Over at The Evangelical Outpost, I've been having a bit of a tiff with the proprietor. (It's over a pointless ideological battle, as far as most of you are concerned.) Since my switch is currently in the 'B' position, I've gotten the hackles of some of his regular supporters up for being insufficiently charitable.

Apparently, the problem is that when you're faced with behavior that seems so perplexingly wrong to you, the principle of charity demands that you embrace the high likelihood that it's your problem for not understanding why it's really the right behavior, after all.

My friend Drieux may actually have the appropriate response to this. Q: Idiot or Asshole? A: Dorglezark! I wish that worked for me as well as it seems to work for him.

Posted January 8, 2006 3:06 AM by j h woodyatt

Ack. That link on the word "hackles" in my post above should go to this thread, where I am posting under the pseudo s9, which is also the pseudo I use elsewhere, including the blog I accidentally whored. Sorry about that.

Posted January 8, 2006 3:15 AM by j h woodyatt

Poor Rawls is convinced that the autumnally red crescent turns the memorial into a mosque, FNORD when the dark truth is that the grove is merely one part of a non-Euclidean structure, the contemplation of which will overwhelm the minds of its visitors. He dimly discerns the evil, but has no idea of its ancient and unearthly origins.

Posted January 8, 2006 3:21 AM by bad Jim

A Cthulhu-cultist architect rigging a memorial on the site of a mass death so as to summon something not convenient to describe does sound plausible.

I'm not sure that such sinister cultists are any better as fictional enemies than those evull ayrabs, but they weren't all sinister foreigners in New York slums.

(Cue the KKK in Oh Brother, Where Art Though)

But, looking at all the craziness in that part of the world, couldn't some time traveller just go back and give Jesus Christ a map and a compass? Or maybe just scuttled Joseph of Arimathea's boat while it was off the Somerset coast.

(How about doing the Holy Blood schtick with Boudicca?)

Posted January 8, 2006 3:29 AM by Dave Bell

According to The Lion King, it's really important to the prey animals to be eaten by a good lion.

Posted January 8, 2006 8:54 AM by Arthur D. Hlavaty

Hey Stefan,
You're absolutely right about the last episode. My wife and I never bought it that Lindsey would go off to follow the Dead. It just wasn't in her personality to do such a thing (at least in our opinion).

That, coupled with the fact that I loathe the Dead, left me with a bad taste in my mouth.

You're right about Undeclared. It didn't really have focus, although it was a pretty good show. There were some classics there, but some were terrible. Speaking of weird subcultures, did you see the unaired episode where one of the characters finds God? It was good.

Posted January 8, 2006 10:16 AM by Randall P.

the central construct of a mosque

My understanding: a mihrab can be anything from a niche (not neccesarily large) to a wall hanging. Its only purpose is to show the general direction of Mecca. Kind of like in a Catholic church, where the altar is supposed to be at the end toward Jerusalem (traditionally the east end in Europe, and the Vatican is fussed because a lot of the newer churches don't fit this pattern). It's religious only if you want it to be.

Personally, I think that the Flight 93 memorial looks nice, and given thirty or forty years for the trees to get some size, may be spectacular in the fall. The idea of a living memorial is pretty neat.

Posted January 8, 2006 10:18 AM by P J Evans

Perhaps there are Mice and mice, Cows and cows, Antelopes and antelopes, Lions and lions in Narnia as there are in Gregory MacGuire's version of Oz?

(Capitalization indicates ability to talk.)

Posted January 8, 2006 12:14 PM by DaveL

I haven't got the Narnia books handy, and it's been ages since I read through them all last - but from my recollection, in the beginning all of the animals were Talking ones, and some lost the ability with their reason and general Narnian-ness (Narnianity?). So, presumably roasting and eating the descendants of rational, talking beings is just fine, since it's their own fault they're not still Talking Squirrels.

Posted January 8, 2006 12:32 PM by Sam Kelly

On a completely different note, I got totally obsessive and documented the preparation of a batch of chili. Yankee chili. With tomatoes and beans. And ground meat.

You can see the process here on flickr, including the recipe, adapted from America's Test Kitchen/Cook's Illustrated.

Guaranteed Turkey and Cow (as opposed to turkey and cow) free. No leg-of-lamb-of-god or bits of Aslan in there either.

Posted January 8, 2006 12:36 PM by Larry Brennan

I always thought the non-talking beasts had migrated in from neighbouring countries - Calormen in particular. But my memory is hazy.

Posted January 8, 2006 1:05 PM by abi

Josh Jasper:
There's a new Tim Powers on the horizon.

Whooooo and also hoooooo!!! Good news, indeed.

j h woodyatt:
You've, no doubt, heard the perennial question rephrased and reapplied on an as-needed basis: Idiot or Asshole?

I think that's a false dichotomy. That's like Liberal or Left-handed? And from what I've seen of the LGF/Instapudding/OSM crowd, they certainly are both Idiots and Assholes.

Posted January 8, 2006 1:37 PM by jhlipton

"The gods are selfish beings who fly around in little red capes and don't share their power with mankind."

Lex Luthor, as played by Kevin Spacey.

Well, well, well... It does sound like Bryan Singer's Superman movie isn't going to make me wince. Too bad they couldn't get better people for last summer's Fantastic Four

Posted January 8, 2006 2:01 PM by Serge

jhlipton: I hope that Jobs kicks Coldplay, and any band that employs simular measures, off iTunes (where the future lies). But I doubt he will.

Given how thoroughly DRM is implemented in iTunes, somehow I doubt it. Or have you never tried to burn a song you bought off iTunes onto an mp3 CD, or tried to play said song on another computer?

Posted January 8, 2006 2:50 PM by Heresiarch

As I recall, in The Magician's Nephew, Aslan calls (sings? it's been a while) all of the land, plants, and animals out of the nothing. At this point, all of the animals are ordinary dumb beasts. Then Aslan goes around speaking to specific animals, and while the rest run off to be wild animals, the ones he's spoken to change a bit in size--the really big animals get smaller, the tiny animals get bigger--and get the power of speech and thought. So from the very beginning, the default type of animal is ordinary and dumb, but there are special talking ones as well.

It is also implied/stated in other books of the series that a talking animal can become an ordinary one, mostly by repeatedly acting/thinking like a wild beast rather than a person, but the author doesn't really go into much detail on the mechanics of this.

Posted January 8, 2006 2:52 PM by Fade Manley

Nobody seems to have considered the possibility that Aslan is a vegan.

About talking animals... I am reminded of a question some once wrote in the Comics Journal. It went something like this...

Mickey is a mouse, Donald is a dick, Goofy is a dog. What is Pluto?

Posted January 8, 2006 2:56 PM by Serge

Rawls', um, theory appears to be a classic example of bad assumptions and paranoia misdirecting pattern recognition. I wouldn't be surprised if he finds hidden subversive insults to his worldview in bowls of Alpha-Bits.

Posted January 8, 2006 3:15 PM by JohnD

Well, at least in the case of the mice, they became talking beasts as a reward for gnawing the ropes off Aslan on the stone table.

Posted January 8, 2006 3:18 PM by julia

What we do without the Internets?
It's a Wonderful Internet

Heresiarch:
Given how thoroughly DRM is implemented in iTunes, somehow I doubt it. Or have you never tried to burn a song you bought off iTunes onto an mp3 CD, or tried to play said song on another computer?

I've never used iTunes, but my understanding is that iTunes is the anti-DRM. And so says there home-page. What's the experience of others here?

Posted January 8, 2006 3:37 PM by jhlipton

Fade's got it right.

In one of the books (I think it's Prince Caspian) the humans shoot and eat a bear. Susan says she missed her shot because she was afraid it might have been a Talking Bear.

And there's that chilling moment in The Silver Chair with the Stag...

Posted January 8, 2006 3:45 PM by Melissa Mead

(Open thread...)

This hits several categories:

Penguin sweaters

Posted January 8, 2006 3:56 PM by Bob Oldendorf

Stefan, a high-quality trenchcoat with a removable lining would fit your need. At a lesser price, a good outdoors coat with flaps over the pocket, and a pair of rain pants will also do it.

Posted January 8, 2006 4:10 PM by Randolph Fritz

Songs bought from the iTunes Music Store are encoded with DRM, just as Heresiarch said.

iTunes (the application) handles and creates DRM-free mp3s. Maybe that's the source of confusion.

Posted January 8, 2006 4:13 PM by Tim Walters

iTunes (and the iTunes Music Store, iTMS) has much less paranoid DRM than its commercial competitors, but it does still have DRM. A purchased song can be enabled to play on no more than three computers (though you can add and remove computers from that set), can only be burned to a CD a limited number of times, can't be converted directly to an MP3, and so forth. iTunes is also happy to play plain old unrestricted music, which some DRM-ified applications refuse to do.

Posted January 8, 2006 4:13 PM by Wim

I should take this open thread opportunity to thank Mr. Macdonald for his series of medical entries. During a recent bit of trouble, reading September’s Affairs of the Heart and its comments helped me get past “I’m sure it’s nothing,” to “Maybe I ought to check” and bring to light a problem that more normally stays hidden ‘til it kills. I owe quite a debt to him and to everyone who participated in that conversation.

I hope it’s appropriate to add a bit of my own recent learning to the knowledge that came out there. Apparently, exercising your heart muscle is not quite the same as exercising your lats or your quads. It seems that soreness and aches are not an expected part of making it stronger, and if you feel them in your chest during or after a workout it could be wise to check with a doctor and confirm that all is well. I’m certainly thankful that I did.

I wish in return I could give some assistance to those here who are facing medical challenges. I don’t seem to have much to contribute beyond prayers and best wishes, but those, of course, I offer in abundance.

Posted January 8, 2006 4:57 PM by Red

Philip K. Dick wrote a story called Rautavaara's Case addressing what Aslan eats (well, sort of).

Posted January 8, 2006 5:24 PM by novalis

novalis, I dread to think what Dick's ideas would be about Aslan's dietary habits.

Posted January 8, 2006 5:32 PM by Serge

Mickey is a mouse, Donald is a dick, Goofy is a dog. What is Pluto?

I've always thought of Donald as a dick. Thank you.

Dorglezark!

Posted January 8, 2006 5:42 PM by Lin Daniel

Teresa--are you planning to put some of your comments at TBogg's place into a post? That stuff is pure gold...

Posted January 8, 2006 5:43 PM by Scott Lemieux

So, is Philip Dick the brother of Donald?

Posted January 8, 2006 5:45 PM by Lin Daniel

Teresa, having read the stuff at TBogg's, why did your mother end up on the list?

I know why we could add my mother: She makes quilts, some patterns of which include crescents.

Posted January 8, 2006 5:54 PM by Lin Daniel

Wim: it's five computers now. Also, the limit on number of burns is number of burns of a specific playlist IIRC rather than by track; besides, once you've burned one CD you can duplicate it anyway!

Posted January 8, 2006 6:09 PM by Christopher Davis

I'm sorry. I just have to give props to our host for cracking off this masterful flame at our friend Alec Rawls.

When she finally concluded with the following paragraph...

If any of the corrected methods for more accurately identifying and bisecting the tips of the crescent show that the memorial is in fact pointing toward Istanbul, I'm willing to entertain the notion that what we have here is an actual Byzantine conspiracy; but that's as far as I'm willing to take it.

Posted January 8, 2006 6:39 PM by j h woodyatt

I've always thought of Donald as a dick...

Hmmm... As for myself, Lin, I always prefered Donald to Pukey Mickey. I hope that doesn't make me into a relative of Donald. Or of Philip.

Posted January 8, 2006 6:57 PM by Serge

Actually Serge, I like Donald, too. I just couldn't let that go past without sticking a few toothpicks in it.

My favorite comment about Donald Di..Duck is from Who Framed Roger Rabbit, and Daffy says something about this is the last time he'll work with someone with a speech impediment. Or more like, thith ith the latht time he'll work with thomeone with a thpeech impdediment.

Posted January 8, 2006 7:28 PM by Lin Daniel

impediment

Posted January 8, 2006 7:29 PM by Lin Daniel

Although Aslan warns the Talking Beasts that they can return to a dumb beast status, it occurs only once as far as I know in the entire history of Narnia (Ginger in The Last Battle). The mechanics seem to be straightforward: he justs "forgets how to talk" (immediately after a confrontation with Tash, but that is presumably not so much a cause as an accompanying factor).

The only time we see Aslan actually associated with a meal, it is broiled fish (shades again of Madagascar). Since he's a supernatural power in any case, he presumably doesn't need to eat (for the Lewisian view on this, there's the discussion with McPhee on eating in the World to Come referenced towards the beginning of Perelandra).

Posted January 8, 2006 7:42 PM by James

Just couldn't, eh, Lin?

I wish Disney would release some of those Donald shorts on DVD, especially the one where Donald wanders into the Land of Mathematics. But I'm not holding my breath, not after they announed in 2004 that the Scarecrow mini-series would be released in time for Halloween then they changed their minds, no explanation given.

Posted January 8, 2006 7:44 PM by Serge

Re: the recall command. I use "veni" (Veh-NEE) with my dog. It's Latin for come, and you certainly don't hear it in normal conversation.

Posted January 8, 2006 8:47 PM by Tapetum

Serge: You had to toss out "Donald shorts" to add to my intermittant chronic silliness. (sigh)

Posted January 8, 2006 9:29 PM by Lin Daniel

In The Silver Chair, the heroes (Eustace, Jill, and Puddleglum -- my favorites of the kids and least favorite magic helper) have a cannibal feast moment. The giants feed them meat (a stag, as Melissa pointed out) which they eagerly eat. Then they overhear the giants joking about what the stag said to them just before they shot him. It's as if they suddenly learned it was human meat. (Or actually, Puddleglum reacts this way and as-you-know-bobs the info to the kids). Then they figure out what the "To Serve Man" book is really about.

Anyway, that tells you that non-talking animals are okay to eat. Good thing it doesn't apply to non-talking people.

Posted January 8, 2006 9:52 PM by rm

As this is random: Can anyone tell me why I'm still here, reading all this instead of finishing my OOo Impress (tm?) presentation on the wonders of ProjectMyra for the soon dawning morning?

And will anyone ever translate projektmyra.de into Suaheli and Esperanto when I'm done translating the "best of" from 13,000 printed pages into English?

And would someone make me another tea now at 4:40 am? Btw, most of your conversation and writing is entertaining, which is my explanation, though not my excuse, for the first questions as stated above.

Posted January 8, 2006 10:34 PM by Wolfgang G. Wettach

Oops, Lin... So we have Donald who goes around without pants, and Daisy whose panties are there to be seen by all... Uncle Walt, uncle Walt...

Posted January 8, 2006 11:21 PM by Serge

My problem with Donald is the same as my problem with Barney Bear and with Tom Cat. LOSERS! Darn those losers! You want to like them, but you get so tired of seeing them being patsies for ever-lower life forms. Donald is a case in point. He's outwitted by some small animal. To top that, he's outwitted by an insect. If the series had kept up, he'd be outwitted by a frolicsome amoeba. How can I give a flip for somebody who's that easy to take advantage of?

Tom Cat is a gifted individual. He's a talented craftsman, athlete, acrobat, singer, musician, and several other disciplines that take years to master! But put him up against an arrogant mouse, and he's the Patron Saint of Patsies. You just want to give up on him after a while!

Barney Bear -- ah, just let him lie there. He never showed a glimmer of being anything but a loser, unlike Donald, who had a brilliant career start as an unstoppable nuisance.

Posted January 8, 2006 11:24 PM by Kip W

Others stroke their chins as if they can't figure out in what sense it placing the central construct of a mosque on the crash site would be inappropriate (it violates the establishment clause for one).

what about all those traffic intersections, insidiously laid out like crosses? (apologies if someone mentioned this, i don't really want to go over & read the wingnut blog).

Posted January 9, 2006 12:21 AM by miriam beetle

Susan always was kind of intolerant, of course, though I find myself wondering what the problem is with Narnia's clothing sector. Is someone stopping the dwarfs from unionizing their armour-making services?

What I find really intriguing is the fact that her last name is given as Aslan. It seems odd that whoever went to the trouble of doing that hoax wouldn't know the books well enough to put "Pevensie." It's not like that'd be more of a tipoff.

Or are we supposed to deduce some very...unorthodox happenings after the events of The Last Battle? The Gnostic Gospel of Susan?

Posted January 9, 2006 3:40 AM by Brooke C.

"My forthcoming book "The Cair Paravel Code" will conclusively prove that Lucy was Aslan's consort and the mother of his cubs."

Posted January 9, 2006 4:16 AM by Paul A.

"Good thing it doesn't apply to non-talking people."
it doesn't?

Posted January 9, 2006 5:00 AM by bryan

'Mickey is a mouse, Donald is a dick, Goofy is a dog. What is Pluto?'
I'm sorry but this is supposed to be
Mickey is a mouse, Donald is a dick, Pluto is a dog. What is Goofy?

The explanation of course is that Goofy is a dog as well, a dog breathed upon by Aslan.

Posted January 9, 2006 5:11 AM by bryan

Just to note-- if there is anyone out there who is unfamiliar with Hammett's 'Parable of the Falling Beam' that's at the top of TNH's particle list, you should go read it. Now.

Posted January 9, 2006 7:39 AM by Matt

Actually, Bryan, my solution to the Goofy/Pluto situation is that they're all living on the Islan of Doctor Moreau.

Kip, what about Droopy Dog?

Posted January 9, 2006 7:45 AM by Serge

From today's column by Jonathan Carroll...

...I personally would discourage children from watching children's television. I think their time could be better spent watching various cinematic iterations of "Imitation of Life" -- you can learn a lot of very interesting stuff from "Imitation of Life" -- or reruns of "Law & Order: CI" (Bobby Goren! How can a kid go wrong with Bobby Goren?). And there's always "The Tempest" in its more familiar guise of "Forbidden Planet"...

Posted January 9, 2006 9:20 AM by Serge

Quoth Serge: I wish Disney would release some of those Donald shorts on DVD, especially the one where Donald wanders into the Land of Mathematics.

Check Amazon et al. for "The Chronological Donald"; I didn't spot "Donald in Mathmagic Land" in the individual listings for Volume One (1934-1941) and Volume Two (1942-1946), but Disney's own website does list a (rather expensive) enhanced classroom DVD dedicated entirely to that title, hereish. I did have the luck of finding "Mathmagic" on VHS some years ago at a library sale. Hee hee.

Posted January 9, 2006 9:37 AM by Julie L.

I thought Aslan ate the White Witch. I wonder if he got brain freeze.

Posted January 9, 2006 9:45 AM by mayakda

Thanks, Julie! Maybe I'll subtly suggest that to my Sue for my birthday.

Posted January 9, 2006 10:01 AM by Serge

Aslan and broiled fish is, of course, a reference to/crib from the Gospel of John.

BTW, I got enjoyably stuck on TBogg last night. Alec Rawls is, as someone concisely remarked on the thread, a froot loop. I can't help sympathizing with his frustration while laughing.

Posted January 9, 2006 11:05 AM by Lizzy L

Perhaps Aslan asked animals if they wanted to be eaten, and was never short of volunteers. Cf. Angel, season 4.

My pet name for Criminal Intent is Law & Order: Bad Acting Unit. Let us shield tender minds from seeing this kind of thing.

Posted January 9, 2006 11:16 AM by Seth Gordon

Alec Rawls is, as someone concisely remarked on the thread, a froot loop.

And if he thinks MSPaint is precise enough for this kind of work, I can probably sell him a used bridge. What he needs in the way of software will cost him somewhere around $20,000: it's GIS and also CAD. He'd need, oh, DOQQs (accurately referenced aerial photos) for both the monument site and Mecca, a CAD program to get the monument drawn precisely, the GIS program to put them together.... I work with this sort of thing. It ain't that easy. MSPaint is like using fat crayons for architectural and engineering drawings.

Posted January 9, 2006 11:19 AM by P J Evans

My pet name for Criminal Intent is Law & Order: Bad Acting Unit.

Huh?

Posted January 9, 2006 11:29 AM by Serge

The stupidity of the "crescent pointing to Mecca" thing is redoubled by the fact that CHURCHES face East. This is because Christians are supposed to worship facing Jerusalem. That's just SO Islamic.

Posted January 9, 2006 11:31 AM by Xopher (Christopher Hatton)

Speaking of the Silver Chair (I'm conveniently rereading all of it, and currently in the middle of this one), I choked quite a bit when reading about the "gay" behaviour of Jill:

She made love to everyone - the grooms, the porters, the housemaids, the ladies-in-waiting, and the elderly giant lords whose hunting days were past. She submitted to being kissed and pawed about ...

Posted January 9, 2006 11:37 AM by Mikael Johansson

January 08,2006 | FORT SUMNER, N.M. -- A mouse got its revenge against a homeowner who tried to dispose of it in a pile of burning leaves. The blazing creature ran back to the man's house and set it on fire.

Luciano Mares, 81, of Fort Sumner said he caught the mouse inside his house and wanted to get rid of it.

"I had some leaves burning outside, so I threw it in the fire, and the mouse was on fire and ran back at the house," Mares said from a motel room Saturday.

Village Fire Chief Juan Chavez said the burning mouse ran to just beneath a window, and the flames spread up from there and throughout the house.

Posted January 9, 2006 11:48 AM by Serge

Apparently, exercising your heart muscle is not quite the same as exercising your lats or your quads. It seems that soreness and aches are not an expected part of making it stronger, and if you feel them in your chest during or after a workout it could be wise to check with a doctor and confirm that all is well. I’m certainly thankful that I did.

Good heavens. I did not know this. I used to drive myself until my chest started to hurt and then back off a little. I exercise harder now, by the numbers, but have no chest pain (I lost a lot of weight and my blood pressure is REALLY low). If I do, I'll certainly go to the doctor. Wow. Thanks.

Posted January 9, 2006 12:22 PM by Xopher (Christopher Hatton)

Serge: sic semper.

Posted January 9, 2006 12:22 PM by Xopher (Christopher Hatton)

Sic semper, Xopher? About the Flaming Mouse of death, or about Mickey in Moreau's House of Pain?

About blood pressure, Sue read something the other day that very much surprised me. Maybe I heard wrong, but, apparently, drinking one cup of coffee a day increases blood pressure while five or more actually decrease it. I guess that 3-times-a-week workout at the gym plus one bucket of coffee per day might explain why my blood pressure has gone done and is staying there.

Posted January 9, 2006 12:30 PM by Serge

The FMD, Serge. A guy who would burn an animal alive (even one as dangerous as a mouse) deserves to take some pain from it.

I work out more like six times a week, and that includes both 20-30 minutes of "hard card" and weight resistance work. It was the hard card that used to give me the chest pains, and no longer does. But I attribute my low blood pressure (as in, I stand up too fast, I get the White Fog) primarily to the medication I take to slow my heart...it's mostly used as a BP med, but for me that's a side-effect, since my BP was never high in the first place.

Posted January 9, 2006 12:50 PM by Xopher (Christopher Hatton)

It used to happen that I'd get dizzy if I got up too fast. Something to do with my not being vertically challenged. But the dizziness isn't an issue much anymore.

As for the Flaming Mouse of Death, yes, burning an animal alive does deserve some pain. If you're going to catch one, just throw it out, or be quick with killing it. (And no, I haven't had the guts to finish off a mouse caught in a trap.)

Posted January 9, 2006 12:57 PM by Serge

Serge, I know that mouse-strikes-back story appears on real news sites and all, but I'm suspicious of it anyway, because it's identical to another one I heard years ago in which a porcupine plays the starring role.

Still: mice or porcupines, I quite like the idea of Revenge of the Animals.

Posted January 9, 2006 1:01 PM by CaseyL

Elizabeth -- My friend Anne trains her dogs to "front!", which means "Come over and sit down in front of me, right now!" Also to "hurry!", which means "Hurry up and poop right now, [it's raining, I'm cold and] I want to go back into the house. Now."

I have failed at training my dog to do either of these things on command, but she has trained me to take her out when she barks at me, as long as she doesn't abuse the privilege. Barking, that is; being taken out, at reasonable intervals, is a right, not a privilege. At least until she learns to use the toilet, which is unlikely because, although she is a very smart dog, she's half corgi, and somewhat height challenged.

Posted January 9, 2006 1:11 PM by Tracie Brown

I caught a snippet about the Flaming Mouse on TV yesterday, CaseyL, or at least I think that's what the shots of that house were about.

Posted January 9, 2006 1:17 PM by Serge

Lookout, folks who post anon/pseudonymously:

If you annoy someone, they could send you to FPMITA Prison

Posted January 9, 2006 1:19 PM by Skwid

Crap, Skwid, don't they have anything better to do than pass stupid laws like that?

Posted January 9, 2006 1:31 PM by Serge

Apparently, Serge, they were able to take a break from the usual corruption and dirty dealing to do something merely monumentally ignorant.

Oh, and Heresiarch...if only there were some way to strip iTunes DRM...or even just a workaround to most DRM.

Well, we can only dream, right?

Posted January 9, 2006 2:06 PM by Skwid

A sad story that reminded me of the Collecting Bug post. No animals, but plenty of hoarding.

Posted January 9, 2006 2:18 PM by Christopher Davis

Have people talked about this already and I missed it? (I know I've missed a lot and I will miss a lot more too)

If you click on "open" or "thread" you get one of two pages about ring nebulae. If you click "57" you get the Straight Dope page on the "Heinz 57 thing. I get that one. But how does "open thread" translate to "ring neblua" Oh, antonyms. I'm slow.

Is this going to happen to all the open thread navigation from now on?

Posted January 9, 2006 4:03 PM by Lucy Kemnitzer