Contents measured by weight, not volume.

Posted December 11, 2006 8:52 PM by TexAnne

Your mileage may vary.

Posted December 11, 2006 9:03 PM by Fragano Ledgister

Do not open: contents not servicable by end user.

Posted December 11, 2006 9:18 PM by Aconite

Do not climb on, play in or occupy this container for any purpose.

(there's a sticker to that effect on the dumpster at my work; I often wonder if we'd be better off if someone'd stuck one on Iraq.)

Posted December 11, 2006 9:36 PM by arto

Open other side.

Do not return this product to the place of purchase.

Posted December 11, 2006 9:48 PM by Lizzy L

No animals were hurt in the making of this blog.

Serving suggestion.

Do not immerse.

Posted December 11, 2006 9:52 PM by Larry Brennan

Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball.

Posted December 11, 2006 9:56 PM by Jen Roth

This is not a toy.

Posted December 11, 2006 9:56 PM by TexAnne

Batteries not included.

Posted December 11, 2006 10:03 PM by xeger

Do not use near open flame.

(dagburnit, Jen Roth beat me to the happy funball.)

Posted December 11, 2006 10:10 PM by Steve Buchheit

Not actual size.

(dagburnit, Steve Buchheit beat me to griping about Jen Roth being first with the happy funball.)

Posted December 11, 2006 10:13 PM by Adam Lipkin

Kids, ask an adult to help!

Posted December 11, 2006 10:20 PM by Alex Cohen

Machine may start without warning.

Posted December 11, 2006 10:20 PM by Dan Layman-Kennedy

& for the drivebys:

LIGHT FUSE AND GET AWAY.

Posted December 11, 2006 10:29 PM by miriam beetle

Contents under pressure. Do not incinerate.

Posted December 11, 2006 10:31 PM by Tesla

This product is made entirely of matter. Contact with antimatter will result in a devastating explosion.

Posted December 11, 2006 10:32 PM by Zack Weinberg

Do not fold, spindle, or mutilate.

Posted December 11, 2006 10:32 PM by PixelFish

Item is handmade. Any variations in shade or weave are not flaws, but part of the individual nature of the item.

Posted December 11, 2006 10:40 PM by Sundre

Do not get wet. And do not, under any circumstances, feed after midnight.

Posted December 11, 2006 10:44 PM by eric

Dry clean only.

Posted December 11, 2006 10:45 PM by TexAnne

Do not use as a personal flotation device.

And during Prohibition: "Warning, do not add water to this product as it is likely to ferment."

Posted December 11, 2006 10:50 PM by Julie L.

Not a step.

Posted December 11, 2006 10:51 PM by Chris Clarke

UNDER PENALTY OF LAW
This Tag Not To Be Removed Except By The Consumer

Posted December 11, 2006 10:57 PM by Larry Brennan

Store at room temperature.

Posted December 11, 2006 11:12 PM by Sharon M

100% Recycled Content. 10% Post-Consumer.

Posted December 11, 2006 11:14 PM by oliviacw

Objects in the mirror...

Posted December 11, 2006 11:16 PM by dan

Do not drive with car sunshade in place.

Posted December 11, 2006 11:18 PM by Stephen G

Dessicant. Do Not Eat!

Posted December 11, 2006 11:20 PM by Larry Brennan

If irritation occurs, contact a doctor or poison control center immediately.

Posted December 11, 2006 11:25 PM by Sharon M

May contain traces of nuts.

Posted December 11, 2006 11:31 PM by CaoPaux

If erection lasts more than four hours, see a doctor immediately.

Posted December 11, 2006 11:32 PM by Andy

Pregnant women or women who are thinking of becoming pregnant should not handle the broken tablets.

If ingested, aim for the head.

Posted December 12, 2006 12:02 AM by Zak

Do not drive or operate heavy machinery.

Or, do not stop with hands or genitals.

Posted December 12, 2006 12:21 AM by Melanie S.

No part may be reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission except in the case of brief quotations embedded in criticial articles and reviews. If this is an emergency, hang up and call 911.

::waves at CaoPaux::

Posted December 12, 2006 12:22 AM by Aconite

Do not dispose of in fire.

Posted December 12, 2006 12:37 AM by eric

If you can't see my mirrors, I can't see you.

Posted December 12, 2006 12:42 AM by Dave Luckett

Improper use could result in serious bodily injury or property damage.

Posted December 12, 2006 12:46 AM by Richard Parker

If you have received this posting in error, please delete it, and notify the sender immediately.

Posted December 12, 2006 12:51 AM by xeger

Product is provided "as is", without warranty of any kind whether express or implied. All implied warranties, including, without limitation, implied warranties of merchantability, fitness for a particular purpose, and non-infringement, are hereby expressly disclaimed.

Posted December 12, 2006 1:02 AM by A.J.

For external use only.

Posted December 12, 2006 1:07 AM by Stefan Jones

External use only

Posted December 12, 2006 1:07 AM by eric

No user-serviceable parts inside.

Posted December 12, 2006 1:11 AM by Tim Walters

How's my driving?

I haven't seen dry-cleaning plastic bags in forever, but isn't there a legend on them which says something like "This bag is not a toy; keep small children away" or something like that?

Posted December 12, 2006 1:12 AM by Linkmeister

Actual mileage may vary.

MKK

Posted December 12, 2006 1:20 AM by Mary Kay

Close before striking. Keep away from children.

Posted December 12, 2006 1:26 AM by Sharon M

#43: A lot of plastic bags have that warning.

Posted December 12, 2006 1:27 AM by Stefan Jones

All rights reserved, including that of translation into the Scandinavian.

Posted December 12, 2006 1:42 AM by Steven desJardins

If you have already sent in your payment, thank you! You may disregard this notice.

Posted December 12, 2006 1:52 AM by Madeleine Robins

If you have already sent in your payment, thank you! You may disregard this notice.

Posted December 12, 2006 1:52 AM by Madeleine Robins

The ambient methods used for the live electronics provide intentional harmonic disruption.

Posted December 12, 2006 2:03 AM by Tim Walters

* Never throw out the other person's head.

* Keep away from fire.

* Inspite of it is non-toxic, it cannot be eaten.

* Never pull out tounge of frog hard, as it might be separated.

* Its content has the oil, so if it touches on cloth, precious object or wall, the stains will remain if you don't care about it.

* Never put on surface of any object, shall keep in polybag.

Posted December 12, 2006 2:07 AM by Tom Scudder

Suggested for Mature Readers.

Posted December 12, 2006 2:19 AM by Zack Weinberg

Stunt driver used on a closed course. Do not attempt.

Posted December 12, 2006 2:23 AM by PixelFish

Product sold by weight, not volume. Contents may have shifted during transit. Use caution when removing luggage from the overhead bins.

Do not feed after midnight.

Posted December 12, 2006 2:23 AM by Nicole J. LeBoeuf-Little

This page intentionally left blank.

Posted December 12, 2006 2:51 AM by Lloyd Burchill

You may not reverse engineer, decompile, or disassemble this comment, except and only to the extent that such activity is expressly permitted by applicable law notwithstanding this limitation.

Posted December 12, 2006 3:10 AM by Chris Clarke

Manufactured in a plant that handles peanuts, tree nuts, egg products, seeds, wheat, sulfites and free thought.

Posted December 12, 2006 3:12 AM by Rebecca

Do not stand on or above this step! You could lose your balance!

(Seen on the second step of a stepladder...with only three steps! [No doubt it was policy to put that warning on the next-to-last step of all ladders, but sheesh.])

Posted December 12, 2006 3:29 AM by David Goldfarb

Change is possible!

(Seen on "pay on foot" parking garages throughout the United Kingdom. They mean you can get change back, but I find it kind of heartening.)

Posted December 12, 2006 4:11 AM by abi

Not a flying toy. (that one always makes me cry)

Avoid contact with the brain, meninges and middle ear.

Posted December 12, 2006 4:34 AM by Eve

WARNING: There is an extremely small but nonzero chance that, through a process known as "tunneling", this product may spontaneously disappear from its present location and reappear at any random place in the universe, including but not limited to your neighbour's domicile. The manufacturer will not be responsible for any damages or inconveniences that may result.

(Eve: was that last one from a bottle of hibiscrub?)

Posted December 12, 2006 5:45 AM by Jules

Void where prohibited by law.

Posted December 12, 2006 5:53 AM by Dave Bell

"Caution: to prevent electric shock, do not remove cover. No user-servicable parts inside. Refer servicing to qualified service personnel."

Posted December 12, 2006 6:09 AM by Sugar

DILUTE DILUTE OKAY!

Posted December 12, 2006 6:14 AM by Alter S. Reiss

Jules@61: Good spot. And I've loved it ever since I first read the Hibiscrub label.

Posted December 12, 2006 6:20 AM by Eve

For use in this time-line only. May not be transferred to alternative time-lines.

Posted December 12, 2006 6:57 AM by Fragano Ledgister

Avoid contact with eyes and skin.

Posted December 12, 2006 7:08 AM by creeley

By breaking the seal you irrevocably agree to abide by the terms and conditions of the agreement contained herein ...

Posted December 12, 2006 7:12 AM by Charlie Stross

With appertain rotor of screw setting pre ceiling on the under standing that screw no wield. May wield two-faced pressboard securing. Wield pre to begin with wiping ceiling of bilge dasto.

WARNING!!

* Prythee no sport with stingy or play asperity game. Winding finger have got bloodstream not wallk. Through of peril.
* Tad disport of time grown man tatelage.
* Till the cowcomes home. Wield toys damage, burn-in prythee wind to a close wield.

Posted December 12, 2006 7:17 AM by A. J. Luxton

In the event of a water landing, your seat cushion may be used as a flotation device. Affix your own mask before helping others. Please locate the nearest exit, keeping in mind that it may be behind you.

Warning: the moving sidewalk is coming to an end.

Mind the gap.

Posted December 12, 2006 7:20 AM by G. Jules

Please remain seated until the ride comes to a complete and final halt.

Posted December 12, 2006 7:30 AM by Steve Buchheit

Do not attempt to change fanbelt while engine is running.

Posted December 12, 2006 7:33 AM by Q

Warning: Potatoes.

Posted December 12, 2006 7:36 AM by Nix

Warning: Void behind this door

(seen on a mysterious door in Oxford Circus tube station)

J: "I am on fire and carrying explosives"

A friend of mine used to practice what he called "ontological activism" by putting stickers on walls, furniture, load-bearing structures etc reading "CAUTION: This object may not exist".

Posted December 12, 2006 7:51 AM by ajay

Re Larry@6: Often seen on TV dinners...

Serving Suggestion
KEEP FROZEN

Posted December 12, 2006 8:09 AM by JohnD

Cape does not enable user to fly.

Posted December 12, 2006 8:09 AM by astronautgo

Also, let #63 be the epitaph for my heart.

Posted December 12, 2006 8:12 AM by astronautgo

Do not use while sleeping.

Not to be taken orally.

Do not use in or near water.

Do not use if seal under bottle cap imprinted with "Sealed for your protection" is broken or missing.

Keep out of reach of children.

Flammable until dry.

Here there be dragons.

Posted December 12, 2006 8:35 AM by Sarah S

Remove before flight.

Posted December 12, 2006 8:40 AM by Alex

WARNING! PINCH POINT! Items placed here may damage this rented equipment while being destroyed.

Posted December 12, 2006 9:13 AM by Nathan

If eye contact occurs, flush with water for at least 15 minutes and contact a physician.

Use only in a well-ventilated area.

Shake well before applying.

If swallowed, do not induce vomiting.

Posted December 12, 2006 9:30 AM by Carrie S.

"Quarry. Because it's mined!"

Posted December 12, 2006 9:46 AM by Serge

This broadcast may not be reproduced or retransmitted without the express written consent of Major League Baseball.

We Are Happy To Serve You.

Posted December 12, 2006 9:57 AM by Chris Quinones

Shaken, not stirred (exception: political threads).

Your results may vary.

Posted December 12, 2006 9:58 AM by Faren Miller

Shake gently and serve chilled.

Posted December 12, 2006 10:06 AM by Skwid

Not a significant source of other nutrients.

Cutting edge is sharp. Avoid Contact.

The characters and situations in this book are entirely imaginary and bear no relation to any real person or actual happening.

Posted December 12, 2006 10:07 AM by Janet Kegg

This is a true story. Only the events have been changed.

Posted December 12, 2006 10:16 AM by Serge

Caution: filling is hot.

Posted December 12, 2006 10:27 AM by Andrew Willett

Names with an asterisk* have been changed to protect privacy.
Hold stick near center of its length. Moisten pointed end in mouth. Insert in tooth space, blunt end next to gum. Use gentle in-out motion.
Don't Panic.

Posted December 12, 2006 10:32 AM by Gwen

Don't make me type all this again.

Posted December 12, 2006 10:34 AM by Jon Meltzer

Dehydrated boulder. Just add water.

Posted December 12, 2006 10:39 AM by Serge

This train terminates here. Will all passengers please change.

Posted December 12, 2006 10:43 AM by Martyn Taylor

Past performance is not a guarantee of future results.

Posted December 12, 2006 10:44 AM by P J Evans

This post not to be used to operate aircraft, weapon systems, or nuclear power plants, and shall not be exported to the nations of North Korea, Cuba, Libya, or Gretna, Louisiana.

Posted December 12, 2006 10:44 AM by Alex Cohen

To be used with hands only.

Posted December 12, 2006 10:46 AM by MD²

Some of the listed capacity is used for formatting and other functions and is not available for storage.

Maximum width 100 inches.

In order to be declared a winner, entrants will be required to correctly answer a mathematical skill-testing question.

Posted December 12, 2006 10:50 AM by theophylact

-Cut small slit in packaging before microwaving product

(I didn't find it before microwaving, though; guess it was too small)

-Do not allow children to operate without supervision

(seen on my table saw; wouldn't want them to operate unsupervised OR supervised, for that matter)

-Microwave and dishwasher safe

-Do not microwave (seen on a metal container)

Posted December 12, 2006 11:08 AM by John

Me: Yeah, about this "Default Tolerance" field on the dialog box. That wasn't in the spec. What's it do?

Software Developer: Oh, the user shouldn't have any reason to change that.

Me: What happens if they do?

SD: They'll probably just get bad results. Or the process won't run, and it'll return a system error.

Me: Why is it here?

SD: In case the user needs to change it for some reason. But I can't imagine why. They probably shouldn't touch it.

My brain (V.O.): So, you defined a constant as a variable, and then exposed it the UI. Good show.

Final documentation:

NOTE: [Company Name] strongly recommends that you do not modify the default tolerance value.

Posted December 12, 2006 11:09 AM by Howard Peirce

Not all plates increase in value.

Posted December 12, 2006 11:09 AM by Debra Doyle

Shown with optional equipment.

Do not insert in ear canal.

Is there any other object than a Q-tip that basically advises you against using it in the normal way everyone uses it? The closest I can come is my chainsaw, whose manual essentially says (distilled a bit) "If you use this tool you will die."

Posted December 12, 2006 11:23 AM by DaveL

Dramatization.

Based on a true story.

Past performance is no guarantee of future results.

Candy is a treat. Please consume in moderation.

Posted December 12, 2006 11:37 AM by Avocado of Death

Professional driver on closed course.

Posted December 12, 2006 11:37 AM by P J Evans

For entertainment purposes only.

Posted December 12, 2006 11:41 AM by Avocado of Death

Do not use if you cannot see clearly to read the information in this information booklet.

After Meatloaf's "Objects in the Rear View Mirror May Appear Closer Than They Are" was unleashed upon an unsuspecting populace, my brother and I delighted in writing the lyrics to his presumptive follow-up hit, "Object May Have Shifted During Flight."

Posted December 12, 2006 11:42 AM by Stephen G

Please do not try anything that you're about to see us do, at home. We're experts.

- the MythBusters

Posted December 12, 2006 11:42 AM by Serge

Due to sexual content, you must be eighteen to order.

Posted December 12, 2006 11:42 AM by RedMolly

And the ever-popular Don't Try This at Home.

Posted December 12, 2006 11:44 AM by Lizzy L

Some material may not be suitable for children. May contain adult themes, alcohol and tobacco use, some profanity, violence or brief nudity.

Posted December 12, 2006 11:50 AM by Thel

Add 180ml (6.30OZ) of hot boiled water (over 90C) while stirring counterclockwise quickly. Notice: The content can only be stirred one time, otherwise it won't be curdled. Consume it soon or keep in fridge after unpacked.

Grrr, argh!

(wrt "plastic bag != toy" warnings, at a farmers' market earlier this year I saw two toddlers who'd gotten hold of some plastic bags behind their mother's back and were happily popping them over their heads like astronaut helmets, giggling as the plastic alternately wafted outward and then suctioned up against their noses. Somehow I never actually thought kids would do that.)

Posted December 12, 2006 11:53 AM by Julie L.

Hire people with hooks. For a good time call 606-4311; Ask for "Ken."

Posted December 12, 2006 11:54 AM by adamsj

Under applicable Federal laws, this tape may be duplicated only with advance written permission from the publisher.

Posted December 12, 2006 12:01 PM by Tracie

By submitting your Material, you hereby

b to the extent permitted by law, unconditionally and irrevocably waive all moral rights which you may have in your Material.

Posted December 12, 2006 12:10 PM by Tom Scudder

This is not a pipe.

Posted December 12, 2006 12:20 PM by little light

Doll cannot dance.

Posted December 12, 2006 12:26 PM by Tracie

Teresa?

Posted December 12, 2006 12:30 PM by Serge sees rude comments against Teresa in

Ah, our unwanted visitors from yesterday afternoon. I see they haven't learned anything overnight.

Posted December 12, 2006 12:35 PM by P J Evans

I also see they're using the same addresses as yesterday.

Posted December 12, 2006 12:37 PM by P J Evans

You may not use the software installed on the licensed device within a virtual (or otherwise emulated) hardware system. Electric shock could occur if used outdoors. Wet Paint! Postscript error.

Posted December 12, 2006 12:38 PM by Jon Sobel

This program has committed an illegal operation.

Posted December 12, 2006 12:40 PM by P J Evans

"My brain (V.O.): So, you defined a constant as a variable, and then exposed it the UI. Good show.

Final documentation:

NOTE: [Company Name] strongly recommends that you do not modify the default tolerance value."

So, $COMPANY shipped software with a control for the sole purpose of producing unexpected failure modes, and the error was compounded by having it accompanied with documentation containing a cryptic warning not to use the control.

Very nice.

Posted December 12, 2006 12:45 PM by j h woodyatt

DaveL, #100: ...my chainsaw, whose manual essentially says (distilled a bit) "If you use this tool you will die."

But you'll still die if you don't use it, and you won't have had the chance to star in your own slasher flick!

Posted December 12, 2006 12:48 PM by Space Parasite

Do not urinate directly into flask.

Hold for culture and sensitivity.

Panic values exceeded.

Posted December 12, 2006 12:52 PM by Dan Blum

This movie based on actual historical legends.

(from the credits of National Treasure.)

Posted December 12, 2006 12:52 PM by Sarah S

To avoid electric shock, do not immerse in water.

The views expressed in this commentary are those of the authors, and are not to be taken as endorsed by the company or companies in question.

There may be Confidential Patient Information contained in this posting. This information should not be forwarded or printed unless it is necessary to meet governmental obligations in accordance with the public health disclosure under Section 164.512(b) (1)(iii) of the HIPAA Privacy Rule.

Posted December 12, 2006 12:53 PM by alsafi

>> This is not a pipe.

It's also not a painting of one.

Posted December 12, 2006 12:55 PM by Avocado of Death

Hire people with hooks. For a good time call 606-4311; Ask for "Ken."

Have you been reading Dies the Fire?

People with heart or back problems and pregnant women should not ride this ride. You must be at least this tall to ride.

Posted December 12, 2006 12:56 PM by Carrie S.

Apply directly to the forehead!

Posted December 12, 2006 12:57 PM by Jen Roth

Contains phenylalanine.

Posted December 12, 2006 1:01 PM by Malthus

Which reminds me of the instructions that came with our Klein Bottle:

"For best results, avoid doing stupid things."

I find it has remarkably wide application.

Posted December 12, 2006 1:02 PM by Jo Walton sees some idiots

I see the "PG" label wasn't strong enough.

Let's try again.

This thread Restricted: Under 17 requires accompanying parent or adult guardian. Contains adult material. May include graphic language, violence, sex, nudity and drug use.

Posted December 12, 2006 1:11 PM by Thel

Bonus material Not Rated.

Posted December 12, 2006 1:15 PM by Dan Layman-Kennedy

Jo Walton's reminds me of Commit No Nuisance.

(Helene Hanff saw that one in a London square.)

Posted December 12, 2006 1:22 PM by Jen Birren

(I'm seeing a surprising number of the warnings we used to include in tiny print on our installer disks, including a number of the physics-based disclaimers.)

WARNING: This product warps space and time in its vicinity.

CONSUMER ADVISORY: Despite any disclaimers to the contrary, this object contains 99.9999999999% empty space by volume.

Warning: The mass of this object may vary with its velocity relative to the user.

(Also, a few more safety warnings for good measure)

Do not attach to a heavy object, throw it up in the air, and stand under it.

Do not dissolve in acid and inhale the fumes.

Posted December 12, 2006 1:23 PM by Clifton Royston

Do not open before Christmas.

Do not try to dissolve Parliament in hydrofluoric acid.

Pas d'abus prolongés sans avis médical.

Posted December 12, 2006 1:30 PM by MD²

Do not open until Doomsday.

(Or don't you remember that episode of The Outer Limits?)

Posted December 12, 2006 1:34 PM by Serge

Caution: wild bulls running in the street.

Posted December 12, 2006 1:34 PM by Mimi

Our Gift Package is guaranteed to make you a better athlete and a more attractive recruit.

Posted December 12, 2006 1:35 PM by Teresa Nielsen Hayden

Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.

Posted December 12, 2006 1:36 PM by Teresa Nielsen Hayden

With the arrow pointing forward, place the detector on the cow and press down firmly on the outer cloth portion. (An applicator is provided for this purpose.)

Observe cows diligently!

Posted December 12, 2006 1:40 PM by Teresa Nielsen Hayden

Beware of oncoming bus in middle of road under bridge.

Posted December 12, 2006 1:43 PM by P J Evans

Keep hands and arms inside the blog at all times.

Do not remove this tag under penalty of law.

Please rewind before returning.

Posted December 12, 2006 1:44 PM by Hilary Hertzoff

Only refill with genuine Kikkoman soy sauce.

Posted December 12, 2006 1:48 PM by abi

There once was an article in the business section of the San Francisco Chronicle that cautioned people to remain with both feet firmly on the ground, but without going overboard.

Posted December 12, 2006 1:55 PM by Serge

Intentional misuse by deliberately concentrating and inhaling contents may be harmful or fatal.

Posted December 12, 2006 2:03 PM by RedMolly

Heavy Plant Crossing

Posted December 12, 2006 2:04 PM by P J Evans

Caution: Illegal Immigrants

Posted December 12, 2006 2:08 PM by RedMolly

This garment will not enable wearer to fly.
Do not turn upside down.
In case of flood, proceed uphill.
Do not attempt to swallow.

Open bottle before drinking.
May irritate eyes.
Do not use as Ice Cream topping.
Do not use for drying pets.

Remove clothing before washing.
Keep away from children.
May contain small parts.
Details inside.

Push this button.
Seat must be facing forward for take-off and landing.
For outdoor use only.
Not to be used as a hedge trimmer.

Do not use while sleeping.
Not suitable for children.
Violators will be prosecuted.
You could be a winner!

Caution--contents flammable.
See serving suggestions.
Not dishwasher safe.
This bag is not a toy.

Posted December 12, 2006 2:09 PM by Teresa Nielsen Hayden

Teresa, again...

Posted December 12, 2006 2:11 PM by Serge notices that those who can't spell are back to being rude to you

TNH @147 *

Thank you. I've been feeling the inner tug to do something with all these, but I haven't had the time (it's Serge and Fragano's fault).

Now I feel better, and you did a better job of it than I would have.

----
* You're 149 as I compose this, but that will change.

Posted December 12, 2006 2:12 PM by abi

Hey, kiddies, how about you-all setting up your own blog where you can say all the silly (or embarrassing) things you want, without trashing other people's sites?

Or is that too complicated for you?

Posted December 12, 2006 2:14 PM by P J Evans

I've been feeling the inner tug to do something with all these, but I haven't had the time (it's Serge and Fragano's fault).

There I was, still basking in the glow of being abi's Muse and already she discards me. Fickle youth.

Posted December 12, 2006 2:17 PM by Serge

The white zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only. There is no stopping in a red zone.

Mind the gap.

Posted December 12, 2006 2:17 PM by Avocado of Death

WARNING: Do not put any person in this washer.

Posted December 12, 2006 2:18 PM by John Houghton

That does it. I'm going to be contacting your school and filing a formal complaint.

Posted December 12, 2006 2:19 PM by Teresa Nielsen Hayden

No, Serge, you're still Musifying, but it's not for ML. Until the rejection letter comes through, anyway.

Don't go on strike.

Posted December 12, 2006 2:19 PM by abi

Can Hotmail shut off their accounts? Would it be worth asking?

Meanwhile:

D-Ring Holds 25% More

Posted December 12, 2006 2:22 PM by P J Evans

Keep out of reach of fools.

Posted December 12, 2006 2:25 PM by Lizzy L sees boring comment spam

Oh dear, what did I do?

Posted December 12, 2006 2:27 PM by John Houghton

Front Toward Enemy

Posted December 12, 2006 2:27 PM by Sean Bosker

Do not remove this label under penalty of law.

(Over a penalty of law is fine.)

Posted December 12, 2006 2:28 PM by Claude Muncey

WARNING:

Under Maine law, a skier assumes the risk of any injury to person or property resulting from any of the inherent dangers and risks of skiing and may not recover from any ski area operator for any injury resulting from any of the inherent dangers and risks of skiing, including, but not limited to: existing and changing weather conditions; existing and changing snow conditions, such as ice, hardpack, powder, packed powder, corn, crust and slush and cut-up, granular and machine-made snow; surface or subsurface conditions, such as dirt, grass, bare spots, rocks, stumps, trees, forest growth or other natural objects and collisions with such natural objects; lift towers, lights, signs, posts, fences, mazes or enclosures, hydrants, water or air pipes, snowmaking and snow-grooming equipment, marked or lit trail maintenance vehicles and snowmobiles, and other man-made structures or objects; variations in steepness or terrain, whether natural or as a result of slope design, snowmaking or grooming operations, including, but not limited to, ski jumps, roads and catwalks or other terrain modifications; the presence of and collisions with other skiers; and the failure of skiers to ski safely, in control or within their own abilities.

Posted December 12, 2006 2:28 PM by John Houghton

And, if you get a rejection letter, abi, THEN you'll discard me? To think I gave you the best years of my life and this is how I'm treated. Sniff.

Posted December 12, 2006 2:29 PM by Serge

John Houghton @ 161:

I think the only possibility they left out is failure of the ski equipment itself. Jeebus, that's a long list of not-responsible-for!

Posted December 12, 2006 2:32 PM by P J Evans

Blogger carries no cash.

Posted December 12, 2006 2:37 PM by Dan Blum

I'm working at home. Jim's away from his computer. Patrick is busy. I usually hunt via language patterns. Anybody here feel like playing haruspex with the entrails of IP address 199.216.252.3?

If you want full headers, just ask.

Posted December 12, 2006 2:38 PM by Teresa Nielsen Hayden

P J @163:
That is actually covered in a different section, and is posted on the equipment rental forms, but isn't required to be posted at the ski area.

Posted December 12, 2006 2:42 PM by John Houghton

Some assembly required.

Posted December 12, 2006 2:43 PM by DaveM

Game content may change during online play.

Posted December 12, 2006 2:44 PM by PixelFish

"YOU VOLUNTARILY ASSUME THE RISK OF SERIOUS INJURY OR DEATH BY ATTENDING."

"You must bring enough food, water, shelter, and first aid to survive one week in a harsh desert environment. Commercial vending, firearms, fireworks, rockets and all other explosives prohibited. You agree to read and abide by ALL rules in the Survival Guide. You agree to follow federal, state, and local laws.

"This is a LEAVE NO TRACE, Pack it in, Pack it OUT event. You are asked to contribute 2 hours of playa clean up in addition to your own camp before departure..."

"PARTICIPATE"

Posted December 12, 2006 2:48 PM by Kathryn from Sunnyvale

John Houghton at 158, not you. Teresa has already taken care of it.

Do not Fold, Spindle, or Mutilate.

Posted December 12, 2006 2:50 PM by Lizzy L

Abi # 149: Oh, dear me! What can I say?

Well....

There's something wicked sitting on my desk,
a pile of essays written in great haste
in language that's quite twisted and grotesque
a violation of all good sense and taste;
now you accuse me, oh how much it stings,
of magically taking all your time,
when you're the one whose pen (or keyboard) sings
in thoughtful, elegant, well-chosen rhyme.
It's not my fault or Serge's, I must say,
that work and family come to intervene,
in your most subtle inditing of a lay
that makes us laugh while being quite serene.
I'm finished now, and worried that you'll curse
my lame invention in much better verse.

Posted December 12, 2006 2:51 PM by Fragano Ledgister

Teresa, this school's site is 199.216.252.8, so I am pretty confident it's what you're looking for:

http://www.gppsd.ab.ca/macklin/index.html

Posted December 12, 2006 2:53 PM by Jen Roth

Do not hold in hand while lighting.

Posted December 12, 2006 2:56 PM by John Houghton

Serge,

No, when the rejection letter comes, I post the sonnets here.

Fragano,

Work and family have intervened, but you're the one who suggested I try the Mystic Rite of Sending Stuff Off. I just decided to send stuff off that I haven't posted here first.

And that's a good one. Good flow to it.

Only aids weight loss as part of a calorie-controlled diet.

Willpower required.

The characters you have seen are played by specially trained actors, and for your own safety, do not try to imitate them.

Must end soon.

Posted December 12, 2006 2:58 PM by abi

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia:Administrators'_noticeboard/IncidentArchive105
This previously blocked publically used IP address 199.216.252.3 has resumed vandalizing pages. See here. Flibirigit 19:05, 1 June 2006 (UTC)

Running the IP address through one of the cousins of WhoIs confirms that it's an Alberta government IP address (Alberta PWSS, Telecommunications Division). Google has several entries for it on pages with site statistics.

Posted December 12, 2006 3:00 PM by P J Evans

Alberta is consistent with the 708 phone number they posted yesterday.

I used to think better of Canadians, as a whole.

Posted December 12, 2006 3:02 PM by abi

Please try again.

(Not exactly a warning or instruction, but I always found it to be a very positive way to call someone a loser. "Don't give up. At least the bottle cap is supporting you.")

Posted December 12, 2006 3:03 PM by Joe J

(You must preview before posting.)

Posted December 12, 2006 3:04 PM by John Houghton

If you cannot read or follow the instructions on this card, please ask a flight attendant to be reseated.

Posted December 12, 2006 3:15 PM by Larry Brennan

abi @ 176... Phew!

Posted December 12, 2006 3:16 PM by Serge

Abi #176: Good luck.

Objects in the mirror are closer than they appear.

Posted December 12, 2006 3:18 PM by Fragano Ledgister

Stop! The area ahead has the worst weather in America. Many have died there from exposure even in the summer. Turn back now if the weather is bad.

(I'm sure I'm not the only one who's been hiking in the White Mountains of NH.)

Posted December 12, 2006 3:20 PM by Jon Sobel

6% Grade Next 6 Miles
Trucks Use Low Gear

Posted December 12, 2006 3:28 PM by P J Evans

(Seen in a British railway station ...)

Electrified Track
Danger of Death
Do not trespass on the line
Maximum penalty: £200

Posted December 12, 2006 3:30 PM by Charlie Stross

No Exponga Su Vida A Los Elementos. No Vale La Pena.

Posted December 12, 2006 3:35 PM by Chris Clarke

John Houghton (161), for coverage that one's right up there with the Archbishop of Glasgow's Monition of Cursing against the Border Reivers.

Posted December 12, 2006 3:42 PM by Teresa Nielsen Hayden

What did the Archbishop have to say, or should I even ask?

Posted December 12, 2006 3:45 PM by P J Evans