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May 1, 2007

Seeking a westward route to the Crunchberry Islands
Posted by Avram Grumer at 12:19 AM * 31 comments

Cap’n Crunch’s full name is apparently Captain Horatio Magellan Crunch. Maybe this will turn out to be official, unlike the one about Ernst Choukula (“By twenty-four, he appeared in his first ‘barrelled cereal’ endorsement, as the Choukula family debuted ‘Ernst Choukula’s Golden Wheat Muesli’, a packaged mix that was intended for horses, mules, and the hospital ridden”).

Comments on Seeking a westward route to the Crunchberry Islands:
#1 ::: Michael ::: (view all by) ::: May 01, 2007, 01:12 AM:

They almost get it right in the utterly demented Breakfast of the Gods, a horror webcomic set in Ceralia and the Fruit Islands. They've been saying Horatio P. Crunch. I'll have to mention the middle name issue...

#2 ::: TomB ::: (view all by) ::: May 01, 2007, 01:51 AM:

I thought his real name was John Draper.

#3 ::: Bruce Cohen (SpeakerToManagers) ::: (view all by) ::: May 01, 2007, 02:08 AM:

I always thought George RR Martin should have anthologized stories about breakfast cereal characters rather than mutants in New York. So much more human interest 0-)

#4 ::: Samuel Tinianow ::: (view all by) ::: May 01, 2007, 02:27 AM:

Bruce Cohen #3: Considering the amount of extreme cases of psychiatric disorder, I'm sure it would make for some interesting material. Those characters are all so frakked up, I don't know how they'd stand each other. Think about it:

Lucky = Paranoia
Sonny = Tourette Syndrome
Trix Rabbit = Peter Pan Syndrome (or pedophilia?)
Tony the Tiger = Mythomania (sugar frosted cereal making you physically fit? Right...)
Sugar Bear = Early Onset Alzheimer's Disease (ever notice how he seems completely oblivious to everything and continually seeks Sugar Crisp as though having forgotten he just had some?)

Throw in the Kool Man for some narcissism and you're good to go.

#6 ::: Reinder Dijkhuis ::: (view all by) ::: May 01, 2007, 03:30 AM:

Eh. Somehow missed the first comment.

#7 ::: Zander ::: (view all by) ::: May 01, 2007, 05:28 AM:

There was a time, a brief time, when I was a carefree child (sh'yeah, right) when Cap'n Crunch was available in Britain. I loved it.

I probably wouldn't enjoy it nearly as much now as I did then, but it would be nice to find out.

#8 ::: Kimiko ::: (view all by) ::: May 01, 2007, 08:42 AM:

Well that just ate my morning.*

*not complaining, just observing.

#9 ::: Sean P. Fodera ::: (view all by) ::: May 01, 2007, 09:47 AM:

The name is correct. The character was created in the early 60s by Jay Ward's studio (along with other cereal mascots like Quisp and King Vitamin).

#10 ::: Serge ::: (view all by) ::: May 01, 2007, 09:54 AM:

Samuel @ 4... What about Rice Krispies's Crack, Snackle and Pop?

#11 ::: Bruce Cohen (SpeakerToManagers) ::: (view all by) ::: May 01, 2007, 10:00 AM:

Serge @ 10

Excellent examples of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. And, I think Pop is bipolar.

#12 ::: Tye ::: (view all by) ::: May 01, 2007, 11:29 AM:

This is more on the matter of full names rather than the crunchy goodness of breakfast cereal. In his GQ application to run for president, Stephen Colbert reveals that his full name is Stephen Lee-Harvey Colbert. His wife is Mrs. Stephen Lee-Harvey Colbert.

#13 ::: Faren Miller ::: (view all by) ::: May 01, 2007, 11:29 AM:

Hmm, seems like this should tie in nicely with the dentist-appointment thread. (Possible scenario: an Evil Dental Surgeon is really behind all these cereal brands, so he can drum up more business for himself and his cohorts. Bwa ha ha!)

#14 ::: Fragano Ledgister ::: (view all by) ::: May 01, 2007, 11:58 AM:

Serge #10: I thought they were Snap! Crackle! and Pop! (exclamation marks being integral to each name).

#15 ::: Serge ::: (view all by) ::: May 01, 2007, 12:01 PM:

Fragano... Right. It's 'Crackle', not 'Crack'. (And yes, I'll stay away from the cocaine jokes.) Meanwhile, in French their names were Cric! Crac! Croc!

#16 ::: Rob Rusick ::: (view all by) ::: May 01, 2007, 12:18 PM:

Eddie Murphy (as Gumby) gave a 'behind the screen' look at some of these characters...

"Sonny — coo-coo for Cocoa-Puff? No . . .   retarded!"

As best as I can remember the line.

#17 ::: Mary Dell ::: (view all by) ::: May 01, 2007, 12:26 PM:

Surely he should be Admiral Crunch by now...

#18 ::: Fragano Ledgister ::: (view all by) ::: May 01, 2007, 12:27 PM:

Serge #15: You are aware that 'Cric!Crac!' is the traditional story-teller's opening in the Francophone eastern Caribbean? (The story-teller says 'Cric!', the audience replies 'Crac!')

#19 ::: Serge ::: (view all by) ::: May 01, 2007, 12:30 PM:

Fragano @ 18... I didn't know that. What about the croc?

#20 ::: Greg London ::: (view all by) ::: May 01, 2007, 12:30 PM:

Surely he should be Admiral Crunch by now...

But for his involvment in the Gulf of Tofu incident...

#21 ::: Paula Helm Murray ::: (view all by) ::: May 01, 2007, 12:36 PM:

I always thought Sugar Bear was a stoner.

#22 ::: Fragano Ledgister ::: (view all by) ::: May 01, 2007, 12:47 PM:

Serge #19: Presumably, bad story-tellers would be fed to it.

#23 ::: Alan Bostick ::: (view all by) ::: May 01, 2007, 01:24 PM:

Ernst? I always thought Count Chocula's first name was Chris.

#24 ::: Bruce Cohen, SpeakerToManagers ::: (view all by) ::: May 01, 2007, 01:32 PM:

Greg London @ 20

But for his involvment in the Gulf of Tofu incident..

He was on the sauce too heavily.

#25 ::: Bruce Cohen, SpeakerToManagers ::: (view all by) ::: May 01, 2007, 01:33 PM:

Serge @ 19

He's still chasing Captain Hook.

#26 ::: Serge ::: (view all by) ::: May 01, 2007, 01:42 PM:

Meanwhile, way back when Cap'n Crunch's cereal was unleashed onto the world, there was a tiny promo comic-book inside the box. Its plot? Our government wants to send a human to another star, but it'll take a very long time, much longer than a normal human lifespan. They're stumped until someone hits upon the idea of asking the Cap'n to find Ponce de Leon.

Or did I imagine the whole thing?

#27 ::: ajay ::: (view all by) ::: May 02, 2007, 12:38 PM:

#26: Hmm. The connection between 17th-century history, longevity, SF and Cap'n Crunch reminds me inevitably of Neal Stephenson... maybe you've stumbled on one of his early works?

#28 ::: Serge ::: (view all by) ::: May 02, 2007, 12:45 PM:

ajay... Maybe Stephenson also read that Cap'n Crunch story when he was very young and it marked him so much that he had to write his own take on the original.

#29 ::: Gabrielle ::: (view all by) ::: January 07, 2009, 02:00 PM:

I don't know about anyone else, but, I want a bowl right now.

#31 ::: Cally Soukup ::: (view all by) ::: June 21, 2014, 12:52 AM:

Imagine my surprise to find out that in 1963 Cap'n Horatio Crunch was 576 years old, making his birth year 1386 or 1387 depending on the date in 1963 the press release was written, and the date of the Cap'n's birthday. Alas, while I can find pictures of the cover of "Cap'n Crunch and the Fountain of Youth", I can find no scans of the inner matter.

Amazingly, the Wikipedia article for the good Cap'n does not contain the information about his age (found HERE if any intrepid Wikipedia editor wishes to add it).

Thank you, spammer, for bringing this to my attention.

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