Am I first? Gosh.

Pity I can't think of anything relevant to say.

"Blessed is (s)he who, having nothing to say, refrains from giving wordy evidence of that fact."

Things that sound magical, but aren't?

True Names, they burns, my preshussss!

the spirit level!

not only is it a miracle that allows me, a terminally imbalanced woman, to hang pictures, it has such a mystical name.

like pizza stone.

Great Inventions?

(I have a studfinder, although it probably needs a new battery. Also I'm sure my modems are error-correcting. Now if Windows would do that for itself ... !)

Real things that don't actually do what it sounds like they do (or we wish they would do)?

Judging solely from the stud finder, the universal remote, and my experience, I'd say it's things that don't work.

Your experience doesn't work, ethan? How unusual...

I would like to point out that jumping up and down in a near-incoherent rage is *tiring.*

I don't think Madeleine L'Engle's death has been noted here yet. She must have a good many fans among this blog's readers. I sure read a lot of her books when I was a kid, and when I think back on them, they really were unusually good for kid's books.

Well, by observation, blogs that require True Names don't work either.

I've had a fairly well-known comic book writer refuse to let me join his blog because I won't use my True Name. Nevermind that Leva Cygnet might as well be my real name since I've used it in fandom for close to a decade. Shoot, I even get snail mail sent to Leva Cygnet. From business contacts. And my accountant.

If I'd used my real name nobody would have known who I was!

I expect that a True Name registration system would lead to very, very polite commenters, simply because you never know who has your True Name or what they might order you to do if you trolled. It might include autodisemvowelment.

“The net is phenomenological. If you do a letter-perfect imitation of a jerk, you are one.”

Is Bruce Baugh related to Alan Turing?

Er...things that were here just a minute ago, but you can't remember where you put them?

(Where DID I leave that comment registration system anyway? I had it in my hand, and then I went into the kitchen and now it's gone.)

Of #3 I would also like to add a quotation from a friend of mine: "Remote means far away."

Has anyone else noticed that the spelling references right above the comment box seem to take on a rather frightening amount of implied meaning? For example, reading them, I seem to hear a fragment of some obscure catechism...

Tolkien?
Minuscule.

Gandhi?
Millennium.

Delany?
Embarrassment.

Publisher's Weekly Occurrence?
Asimov.

Weird connoisseur?
Accommodate hierarchy.

Deity etiquette?
Pharaoh: Teresa.

It's Macdonald?
Nielsen Hayden

It's more?
Here.

You forgot Radio Shack's Male-to-Female Converter.

Stephen Frug @ 14... Deity etiquette? Pharaoh: Teresa.

I like it.
"I'm ready for my closeup, Mister DeMille."

I am entirely too young. Decidedly. I say this because when reading 5. Comment Registration Systems which require the use of True Names, I thought "Wait, you mean like Facebook? That's not a great invention. Not even close."

Things that work at a distance?

I think if you hooked them all up together, added some paper clips and rubber bands, a particle accelerator, and a sequence of highly unlikely events, you might end up immortal. Whether you spend the rest of eternity insulting everyone is another question.

Things to which Good automatically accrues, but when put into practice inevitably fail.

Alex is an ex-parrot. ;-(

I gather Dr. Pepperberg's project continues with a couple of other parrots. I know about Koko & the Gorilla Project, but what other Human/Animal Communication projects are still running?

#15: And the Donaldsonian/Feistian Grip.

(What did we ever do without Google?)

Stephen 14: even with the reference right there, you misspelled at least two things.

#20: "but what other Human/Animal Communication projects are still running?"

I tell my dog to quit barking at cats every damn day, but I don't think that's what you had in mind.

I'll vote with Tracie (6):
1. Error-correcting Modems don't correct the errors we care about, only errors that originate on the analog line between the modems.

2. Stud Finders only find studs in sheet-rock walls, don't work through tile or in plaster-and-lath walls which is where you really need them (magnetic compasses work pretty good for the plaster-and-lath wall).

3. The Universal Remote Control won't even control my TV properly (pre-standardization of IR remote control protocol), much less control the neighbor's dog.

4. The Teleport isn't what it sounds like (I had to Google, but then the memory kicked in, it's the Satellite-Dish farm hidden behind a dike on Staten Island).

5. The registrant must appear in person with passport in hand to get even close. And to what effect? They'll just be Trolls with "Real Names".

Ha! Embarrassing.

My addition: Reciprocating saw.

I asked this question in the "Bad sources" thread but only after (it appears) everyone who could have answered it had stopped reading the thread, so here it is again:

I wonder if anyone here has an opinion on Jane Jacobs' Cities and the Wealth of Nations. It's interesting to me because it tries to make a principled argument for something that I feel intuitively ought to be true -- that cities and nations ought to strive to produce their own goods for local consumption first, rather than becoming ever more dependent on global trade. I know nobody in mainstream economics takes the book seriously, because nobody in mainstream economics tries to argue that. But I don't know why.

I wonder if anyone here has an opinion on Jane Jacobs' Cities and the Wealth of Nations. It's interesting to me because it tries to make a principled argument for something that I feel intuitively ought to be true -- that cities and nations ought to strive to produce their own goods for local consumption first, rather than becoming ever more dependent on global trade. I know nobody in mainstream economics takes the book seriously, because nobody in mainstream economics tries to argue that. But I don't know why.

In general, economists reject her arguments because what Ms Jacobs is referring to is traditionally called "mercantilism" by economists. Mercantilism is the economic system that Adam Smith (the patron saint of modern western economists) railed against. Her books introduce no equations, nor any magical handwaving. As a result, they look down on her.

That being said, I happen to like that book, and think it accurately describes how countries get wealthy, or lose it. Any region that consistantly replaces imports with exports will end up becoming a city. In later books, she describes how some cities can manage to acquire wealth without manufacturing, or import-replacement, with an odd turn of phrase: "transactions of decline." Paper pushing, financial mismanagement are those sorts of things and usually national/state capitals specialize in those transactions of decline.

Weasel words: All typographical errors in this post are the fault of the error correcting modems that are currently taking a coffee break on Staten Island. I hereby certify that this is my true first name, and if your stud finder is detecting me, then it most certainly is broken. I may look like Al from Home Improvement, but my home improvement projects usually involve plenty of my blood, a minimum of 100 trips to the hardware store and all the NSFW curse words I can muster.

Brodysattva, we discussed L'Engle's death quite a bit in the previous open thread.

The Ellison/Fantagraphics thing is not over. Ellison is refusing to put Groth's rebuttal up on his site.

I sometimes wish I had a Global Positioning System.

I have an open-threadish sort of a question: I'm looking for a book (or website) about technical and/or business writing that's suitable for someone who doesn't speak English very well, and needs to learn how to write passable tech-writing type prose. Does anyone have any suggestions?

1. The Error-Correcting Modem.

Generally designed to handle N number of lost bits per M total bits sent without any loss of user data, where N might be 3 and M might be 24, or something. Lose more than N bits and retransmission should happen automatically.

2. The Stud Finder.

Hm, I've only had a stud finder mess up on me once. Not that I use it a lot, but when I do, it's usually pretty accurate. The one time I missed, it was off by half an inch for reasons I never did figure out. (wasn't anything in teh wall that I know of.) But I do spend something like half an hour fiddling with it before I'll drill a hole or pound a nail. Old, old house, original plaster. Can't afford too many mistakes.

3. The Universal Remote Control.

Ah, well, this is more like the "Remote control for common devices we could find the codes for".

4. The Teleport (an installation on Staten Island).

Dang thing still doesn't work.

5. Comment Registration Systems which require the use of True Names.

Hm. If the category really is "things that don't work", this really does cover quite a spectrum.

John@24: Error-correcting Modems don't correct the errors we care about, only errors that originate on the analog line between the modems.

I assure you, that if modems didn't correct the errors in the analog line, you most certainly would care about them.

This is like saying that Compact Discs don't fix errors on a disc where "error" is defined as "music I don't like".

;)

The amount of scratched out bits that a CD can suffer and still play music flawlessly is actually pretty amazing.

Bob Webber @ 29

Your globe needs to be positioned?

I'd like to add, I like the way the comment system is set up here, and I use my True Name with it even though it's not required.

What I don't like so much are comment systems that require new local registrations. (And yes, this means I've created a bit more work for one of our gracious hosts by sending a couple of Boing Boing comments through the "anonymous" mail-slot.) The problem is: basically it's Yet Another Authentication Credential to worry about, which means either (a) creating yet another username/password I'm likely to forget, (b) giving the site the same username/password I give other sites (or an easy-to-reverse-engineer variant), which raises all kinds of security issues, or (c) using password managers on my machines, which both has security issues of its own (e.g. if something compromises the machine), and also requires me to update not just one password manager, but the various password managers on the various machines I use.

For non-anonymous comments, I much prefer the "just say who you are and where you're from" schemes on sites like this one. A system that would allow me to use local authentication for registration purposes (e.g. OpenID or Shibboleth) could be okay as well.

Without something like that, I'm more likely to use the Anonymous route than go out of my way to register at yet another site. Or just not comment at all.

It's probably just as well I can't find any studs, because I don't know what I'd do with them....

Greg @ 32

The amount of scratched out bits that a CD can suffer and still play music flawlessly is actually pretty amazing.

As long as all the scratches are on the side that faces the laser. Scratch the label side, and it's another story. [/potential ruefulness]

Scratch the label side, and it's another story.

Hm, not sure what it would take. Always use a felt tip marker for writing on the label side of a compact disc. On the data side, I know that the error correction and layout is designed to handle a physical scratch of some measurable width for a scratch starting at the center and going out radially.

Never clean your CD's in a circular motion. If you must clean them at all, use a lense cloth, start at the center, and slide straight out to the rim.

The way everything is transfering to harddrives and solid state memory, this probably qualifies as equivalent to a "care of your vinyl records" post.

sigh.

I have heard that the data on a CD is closer to the label side than to the shiny side, and that's why label scratches are worse. But I haven't experimented with it myself.

Zack #26: Well, I tried. Did you look up Ricardo?

Short Ricardo: if Albany and Boston both need zymurgy and yarn, and Albany is better at making both, *both* cities will be better off if Albany specializes in the one it has a bigger advantage at and they trade the results. Usually this is explained with equations, but you could probably do it with pie charts.

Clew's Humorous Reductio ad Absurdum of JJacobs: so nu, why stop at cities? Why shouldn't the *boroughs* be self-sufficient? Neighborhood councils? Blocks? Households? Individuals? At one of these scales, it becomes obvious why we benefit from trade; why not trade at *any* level?

Peter (27); I don't think what Zack is describing is mercantilism -- I think it's autarky. She gets to mercantilism later.

Greg London @#32: Never clean your CD's in a circular motion. If you must clean them at all, use a lense cloth, start at the center, and slide straight out to the rim.

Picky, picky, picky! Just rub the thing across whatever boob is handy. Your butt also works, except that jeans are scratchy, and it's difficult to do while driving.

1. The Error-Correcting Modem.

But I nvr mkae ne errors, so it's UN ecessary.

2. The Stud Finder.

I call that a mirror.*

3. The Universal Remote Control.

Belongs either to the Flying Spaghetti Monster or the Invisible Pink Unicorn.

4. The Teleport (an installation on Staten Island).

Not working very well, since Staten Island is still there.

5. Comment Registration Systems which require the use of True Names.

But what if my True Name is Phnowappoverbumcarobeatusvirginenominepatrisetfilioetspiritotuo, and 'Fragano Ledgister' is just a convenient label (and what's written on my birth certificate).**

* Or I would if I were Serge.

** Not counting the two middle names.

Diatryma @38: I have, though I didn't make the scratch.

Roughly speaking, the layers in a mass-produced CD are: plastic, aluminum, paint. The data is contained in the plastic-aluminum interface -- more precisely, that side of the plastic has pits which encode the data, and then the plastic is vacuum-plated with a very thin layer of aluminum to make it reflective so that the laser can see where the surface is. And then that's all painted over; the paint acts as a bit of protective layer as well as decoration. But it's a very thin layer, as such things go.

A scratch on the unpainted side of the disk really isn't a big deal for a couple of reasons; one of them is that the laser is focused with a very shallow depth of field, so that a scratch on the unpainted side is out of focus and doesn't affect the "view" much.

(And, even if the scratch is bad enough to cause skips, it can be polished out pretty easily.)

On the other hand, scratch the paint hard enough to go all the way through, and that data is physically gone. Just a wee tiny 5mm-long scratch on that side of the disk, and a couple of tracks on the Green Day CD I got at the library booksale are entirely unplayable.

Oxymorons? It took me several minutes to remember that word, being that I'm suffering from an advanced case of CRS...but that's what I thought of when I saw the list.

Mary Dell, you leave me Really Happy I'm back friends with my flexi keyboard.

My Universal Remote Control is definitely defective. It doesn't make the moon shine any brighter. It doesn't make meteorites steer better courses. It doesn't align the planets when I'm ready to view them. If I knew where to obtain a refund, I'd return it.

1. The Error-Correcting Modem.

Parsed by me as the Error-Connecting Modem...

2. The Stud Finder.

Clearly created by those worried about having to pay a Stud Fee.

3. The Universal Remote Control.

Like the one size fits nobody garment...

4. The Teleport (an installation on Staten Island).

Separate from The Heliport or the Teleharbor?

5. Comment Registration Systems which require the use of True Names.

One Name to rule them all / One name to find them / One name to bring them all, and in the darkness bind them.[0]

[0] We were talking about daemonology there, were we not?

Xopher @ 22: even with the reference right there, you misspelled at least two things

I knew someone would say that.

At any rate, I don't believe I did. I copied & pasted the text. Then I deliberately changed it to fit the grammar of what I was making it say.

The first thing I did was change "Publishers Weekly Occurrence" to "Publisher's Weekly Occurrence". The first is the name of a magazine; the second is an event, which belongs to the publisher -- the publisher has a weekly occurrence, which is "Asimov". I was using a different grammatical form, so I had to change the spelling.

The only other thing I did was change the first "Its" to "It's" (matching the second); in both cases it seemed like it was grammatically correct.

Anyway, there are a lot of editors here: if someone calls me on it, I'll cop to a grammatical mistake in either or both instances. But whatever it was, it wasn't a spelling mistake.

SF

I'll take "Things that work in theory" for $200, Alex...

G. Jules @30: I've been a tech writer for about 17 years now, and I was a copyeditor on technical manuals for several years before that. I have never seen a generic textbook that I would be comfortable recommending. (There are specialized books on certain aspect of technical writing that are pretty good, but they assume you're already a technical writer looking to expand your skills.)

Can I ask, is this something that your friend wants to do, or something that their boss is asking them to do? If it's for work, the short answer is that you get what you pay for.

Will your friend be producing customer-facing documents (i.e., online Help for software; installation or assembly guides, handbooks, etc. intended for customers) or internal technical documents such as specifications or P&P (policies and procedures) documents? The standards and requirements are very different -- obviously, customer-facing documents represent the public face of the company, and there's a higher expectation of quality in presentation.

Before you can do tech writing, you first have to be able to write. That's true in any language. Can your friend write well in his native language? Those skills will transfer. Most of the actual sentence-level technical writing is pretty formulaic. Once you have a handle on the basic tropes (Use X to do Y; click this; enter that), it goes pretty fast. And mechanical errors (grammar, typos, etc.) are all fixable, given time and resource.

The hard part is not the writing itself, it's the research and analysis of the audience and the information you're trying to present that makes the greatest difference in the quality of documentation. Good grammar and spelling are of no use if you haven't thoroughly analyzed the information and presented it appropriately for the intended audience.

How are your friend's graphical skills? Clear graphical representations of important concepts and a strong visual language for representing procedures are in high demand. That would bypass a lot of language issues. (Recently, a Japanese colleague reviewed a pilot course using courseware I'd helped develop, and his feedback consisted almost entirely of graphics, since his English was poor and our Japanese nonexistent. Worked out great.)

One aspect of technical writing that doesn't get much mention: You need to identify the experts in your organization and then interview them mercilessly. Formal Q&A, demos, drop-ins, emails. I like to use the "Columbo" technique -- I ask some simple yes or no questions, start to leave their cubicle, and then turn and say, "One more thing..." That's when I get the good stuff. But tech writers are generally an introverted group, and interviewing experts is something most of us work on our entire career.

I would advise your friend to concentrate on analytical skills -- especially audience analysis.* Make as detailed a profile of the audience as possible. Then analyze the information you want to present. Discard anything the audience already knows, because good documentation doesn't waste anyone's time.** Make note of the information that the audience needs to know. Avoid needless repetition. Strive for the most economical sequence of presentation. He can do all this in his native language, or graphics, or English, or some hybrid of all three. Then he can focus on mechanics.

* Google "audience analysis". There's a lot of good stuff available for free, especially on .edu domains.

** For some reason, manager-types are extremely resistant to this. Be firm. Don't document stupid stuff everybody already knows. The more things you document, the harder it is to find any one thing. Users will thank you.

NB: This comment is not an example of my technical writing. This is an example of my informal writing. If I were writing this for a technical manual, I would probably spend about two days on it -- at least 12 hours on research. As it is, I'm pushing on 90 minutes for this meandering mess of a comment.

I love the folks who post on Making Light, you make me look up words! Autarky. Quick, find dictionary -- ah. Thank you. George Autarky, b. 1877, date of death unknown: obscure Austrian composer, known for his experimentation with twelve tone compositions: his music has been entirely lost, and his place in history exists only due to his having once played one of his experimental compositions for Gustav Mahler, who, it is said, recommended to him that he give up music entirely and enter a monastery, which, in fact, he did.

5 items which do not function as advertised.

#49 ::: Howard Peirce recommended:
** For some reason, manager-types are extremely resistant to this. Be firm. Don't document stupid stuff everybody already knows. The more things you document, the harder it is to find any one thing. Users will thank you.

No, not all users will thank you. I've spent far, far, far too much time trying to find stupid stuff everybody already knows that's actually opaque and specific craft knowldege.

I'd be laughing from the Caymans if I had a dollar for every time some issue was [caused|fixed] by something "everybody already knows"!

#37 (and co) - I had to obliterate some CDs for a reason or two. A scouring pad applied to the label side pretty well put the data beyond most plausible kinds of recovery. (Then I put the disks on the anvil and whacked 'em with a hammer to make sure.)

Back when I was single, I bought a Stud Finder, and it definitely didn't work! (ba-dump ching!*)

xeger, #51: I'm with you all the way on that! "Stupid stuff everybody already knows" -- especially about the reason why something is done X way -- disappears when the last person who knew it leaves, and sometimes it's damn obscure to dig out again.

Rule of thumb: No documentation should ever be solely in somebody's head.

* I can't believe no one beat me to that.

Mary Dell #40: Just rub the thing across whatever boob is handy.

For me, in most situations where I would be cleaning a CD, that would require an awkward phone call.

Ha. In my job I've repeatedly discovered that "stupid stuff everybody knows" is often "stupid stuff someone else knows" and after exhaustive interrogation I discover that nobody knows it, and possibly nobody has ever known it. (For example, incomprehensible requirements sometimes show up in project plans, and after hours of meetings discussing what item 23(a) might actually entail in terms of time and effort and implementation expense, I go off to seek clarification from whoever put it there. Everybody tells me they didn't originate the requirement and don't really know what it means, it just got included from some other source. Eventually I run out of sources...)

Since this is an open thread...

Last night I had an email advertisement from a store I shop at. The subject line was "New Wireless Bras" which caused me to ponder "Why would my underwear need to have network connectivity?" and then I caught a clue.

When I mentioned it to my husband, he mentioned this possibility. I decided I spend too much time around technology.

G. Jules #30: Joseph M. Williams has written several books on the subject of style. The one I own is Style: Toward Clarity and Grace. It is not for technical writing per se, but writing better English leads to writing better technical English.

I can best describe the book by mangling an aphorism that I don't have time to look up: The novice knows what happens. The journeyman knows how it happens. The master knows why it happens. Style: Toward Clarity and Grace is mostly on the how level and occasionally gets into the why. If I haven't made myself clear yet (writing!), I strongly recommend it.

Amazon has several copies of this book and Mr. Williams' other books.

Serge,

I just finished going through the last Open Thread and discovered you recently had a birthday. Sorry, I haven't been around long enough to have everybody's birthday in my calender, or I would have posted this before:

Happy Birthday Serge!

6. The Flying Buttress.

7. The Personal Digital Assistant.

8. The Heat Gun.

9. The Cowboy Coder.

10. The Manual Cleaning Oven (no, a strapping fellow named Manuel is *not* going to come over and clean your oven).

#57, Brenda Kalt: Style: Towards Clarity and Grace is a fabulous little book. It's sitting on my coffee table right now. Every time I open it, I learn something new.

But for the situation G. Jules described, maybe the person should start with Strunk & White? Yeah, I know, I know it's a Freshman Comp book... but sometimes you need to go through Freshman Comp before you can run off and unlearn some of the lessons of Freshman Comp.

One aspect of technical writing that doesn't get much mention: You need to identify the experts in your organization and then interview them mercilessly. Formal Q&A, demos, drop-ins, emails. I like to use the "Columbo" technique -- I ask some simple yes or no questions, start to leave their cubicle, and then turn and say, "One more thing..." That's when I get the good stuff. But tech writers are generally an introverted group, and interviewing experts is something most of us work on our entire career.

Have you noticed that the murderer in a "Columbo" story is always the guy with a certain answer for every question?

Tania, #56, I suspect some of the writers in thai field get their anatomical knowledge from comic-books.

(And if I listed "Phone sex", how many readers would complain that a telephone is the wrong shape?)

Self Modifying Code

We're still nowhere near Babel-17

Bachman Turner Overdrive

And no sign of the Royal Canadian Space Force, though since they unified their military it wouldn't be so obvious.

Perfect binding.

#4: Ambrose Bierce wrote ...

The World, the Flesh and the Devil
Once went for a midnight revel.
The Devil he sunk
To the ground dead drunk:
Said the World, "There's a spirit level."

Racing into the Open thread with news(ish-like report). Imagine my excitement/confusion when I spotted this headline on my local newspaper's website front page: "Hlp! My prnts cn cntrl my mbl".

Disemvowellment conquers the world!?

On reading, however, it's about a "software suite enabling parents to completely control their children's mobile phone usage", and this is an attempt to render a(n) SMS text message. Still a bit of a thrill to see.

Dave Bell @ 63

We're still nowhere near Babel-17

Probably a good thing or we'd all sit around trying to figure out how to pick our hammocks apart from the way they're named in the language. Though maybe it's good for something else?

You notice that Delany didn't think much of the idea himself; he wrote an afterword to the book that rained all over the concept.

I had one post to make in response to the prompt, and it was stolen by Luthe @48. Stolen! Right out of my brain! Word for word!

"Get out of my teeth!!!"

J. D. Bernal was a sage,
a marxist, a child of his age.
But he predicted with glee
a sort of singularity.
The text is right here at this page.

Dave Bell @ 62

A dreadful thought: how many wouldn't?

Fly tower. Dead ringer. Chirp radar. Private dick. Tea dance. Like mind. Hidebound. Hothouse. Crackpot. Car pool. Dead certain. Labor intensive. Land ho. Half-cocked. Dire straits. Brand spanking new. Loss leader. Naked flame.

And my favourite, though it comes from cricket: "Caught in slips".

A Self-Cleaning Oven would certainly be an unsettling appliance for one to own.

They had comment registration systems requiring True Names back on Atuan, but for some reason nobody ever signed up.

Since I've made it here in the first hundred, and the issue is still quite fresh, here's a BUG REPORT ATTN TNH/PNH:

The "Geek cakes" links in Particles from 3 Sep 6:43 are (still) empty (and the "via" links just the homepage and not the particular post).

Similarly, the list of "Thank you, political bloggers" links to The Talking Dog as merely href="v".

BTW, am I the only one who dislikes the way Our Esteemed Hosts join several links so that they look like a single one?

Next time, my pet peeeve: don't tell me there isn't a MT plugin that couldn't convert string of the form "@<number>" within comments to links to respective comments.

Tania @ 56... The subject line was "New Wireless Bras" which caused me to ponder "Why would my underwear need to have network connectivity?"

This reminds me of 2005's big-screen version of puppet show Thunderbirds, especially the scene where they save the day by using the wire inside Lady Penelope's bra.

Howard Peirce @49: Thank you for your comment. The idea of trying graphics, in particular, is something I hadn't thought of; maybe it'd help on training.

The situation in question is management-directed. The type of writing in question is writing of engineering reports, but I've been hoping for a tech writing recommendation because it's a much more closely allied type of writing than academic, business, or casual writing, which seem to be the big three ESL categories. (And I suspect presenting the situation as a new skill to be learned, rather than something remedial, would make the individual in question more likely to actually use the book.)

Ack. One of the things making this request hard is that it's due to a work situation, and I can't really get into the details and explain why I need to try to train this individual so far outside of their core competency. Management has its reasons, whereof reason, etc. (They're good reasons, actually; it's the intersection of those good reasons with the situation on the ground that's become messy.)

#57: It sounds like a great book -- I'll add it to the list for me. :-) I suspect it'd be over the head of the person in question, though, as they're still at the "how" stage.

#60: Strunk & White is usually my first thought. In this situation, it'd be much too advanced.

I used to know a company that proudly boasted of being "Teleport Operator of the Year"..

Mary Dell, #40: Picky, picky, picky! Just rub the thing across whatever boob is handy.

I should try this at the office next time a CD misbehaves? Is there an etiquette for this sort of thing? I guess I should ask politely first. "Hi, could I please borrow your breast for a minute?" (Is "breast" the proper word to use in a work setting? Somehow "boob" sounds unbusinesslike. Or should I go with an office-jokey "bazoomba" or some such word?)

Presumably some breast coverings clean CDs better than others. Velvet, da! Chain-mail bra, nyet.

Office etiquette. Always such a minefield for me.

Greg Ioannou: @#77:

Cd's or no cd's, if you only know the boob in question well enough to call it a "breast," it's not "handy."

Christian Science.

Self-addressed envelope.

Jan 73: Next time, my pet peeeve: don't tell me there isn't a MT plugin that couldn't convert string of the form "@<number>" within comments to links to respective comments.

There are any number of MT plugins that couldn't do that. I can't imagine why you care. It would be cool to find one that could.

Geek cakes: I know I found those links while working on Boing Boing. Can I find them now? I cannot. It's mortifying.

#77 Greg:

You want the woman with the chain mail on for destroying data, but remember to scratch the label side. (This was new to me.) "Hey Helga, come here." ; *scratch scrape scratch* ; ***POW***)

The category seems more like "things that work at one level of meaning, but not at another." (Though I love the idea of being required to use my individualized copy of True Names to verify my right to comment.)

How about:

Unconditional security (think one-time-pads).

Permanent teeth.

Any high speed internet service which promises to be available in your neighborhood within the next several months.

And of course, you should only communicate with your broker using lossless compression.

Gay marriage ("Damnit Fred, I don't feel very happy right now.").

Optimized brute force search?

Was this one of the geek cake links? It was linked in the Whateverettes a little while back....

Xopher #79:

I recommend a program which simply generates some random sequence of instructions, and which you can prove includes a sequence that would do what's required. You would then be able to prove that this program could convert numbers to links.

albatross 83: I should think that any program that could do something but won't would qualify as an AI.

#10 If I'd used my real name nobody would have known who I was!

Either it's time for a legal name change, or else you have a very strangely constructed personal identity. (Or perhaps you exaggerate?)

Got it, Jules. Apparently that colleague of Titivullus who causes sites you know exist to become unfindable was only waiting for me to admit that I couldn't find them. Then it did the ketchup-bottle thing. I've reparticled the subject in a more substantial version.

Jan Vaněk, sorry about that, but I'm not going to stop. Does Patrick ever do multiple links from one word? It's mostly my bad habit. I over-research, and then I can neither bear to leave out all the interesting links I've found, nor clutter up the surface text with full-scale references to them.

#84 ::: Xopher ::: (view all by) :wrote:
albatross 83: I should think that any program that could do something but won't would qualify as an AI.

... whereas I'd think it was standard operating proceedure, and part of the daily grind ...

the mac cake is nice

Stud finders, universal remote controls and comment registration systems requiring True Names have two things in common - they don't work enough of the time and they're a pain to use. (They do, however, work just well enough to still exist.)

Actually, I don't think I've ever encountered a comment registration system that actually enforces the use of real names. I don't doubt there are ones out there where the blog owner tries to enforce some such rule, but it's futile.

I even know of one blogger who deletes any comments not posted under the user's Second Life name - fortunately, (s)he isn't technically-minded enough to actually make the comment system enforce this. (It's a long story.)

Teresa, beautiful geek cakes on the sidebar links.

Our wedding cake, in 1999, was also designed to resemble a stack of books, and we gave careful thought to which titles to put upon the spines:
• photo alone, or
• with a little commentary.

1. The Muppet Show Cake. Per the Flickr tag, it was a blue ribbon winner at the 2007 Kentucky State Fair, and, IMO, deserved it. *Does the Kermit Flail and Cheer*

2. I skipped all the media hooraw about the date, and just reread 110 Stories. It took ten minutes for my eyes to dry out enough to see the screen to type this post. Thank you once again, Mr. Ford. Wish you were here.

I'm in the same boat as Leva (comment #10). I think I know the writer that's walled her out, because he's done the same to me.

Go ahead, just silence all us pseudonymous people. (sniffle) We'll probably set up our own site eventually, and not let any of you true name people in.

(goes off to see if pseudonym.com is taken...)

“The net is phenomenological. If you do a letter-perfect imitation of a jerk, you are one.”
—Bruce Baugh

Any sufficiently advanced imitation of a jerk is not an imitation of a jerk. I've always said, in cases where I've been told, "Oh, ASSTRON99 is really nice in person," that this just means A99 is a genuine jerk who's too cowardly to be himself in face-to-face situations. Mr. Hyde wasn't created from whole cloth: he was an excuse for Jekyll to give rein to his worst impulses.

I was going to say more, but my modem wouldn't let me.

Kathryn #85:

What name is on my passport?

Kathryn Cramer @ #83
I don't know about that. A huge percentage of my personal contacts know me by my SCA name. And I naturally tend to use some fragment of it when I need a nick name for a some web activity or another and don't feel like sticking my own oft mispronounced (read: rendered unrecognizable) name in there. And somewhere in there my boss took to addressing me as Lord Avery.

All it would take is for me to do is take one or more of my little making stuff in the basement hobbies commercial and I'd pretty much be where Leva describes herself.

But a legal name change? That'd be too geeky.

Here's geek cake (with instructions) that is not for the squeamish! But with Halloween just around the corner....

Also, shouldn't there be some kind of duration or percentage attached to that imitation of a jerk thing? I mean if normally happy friendly commenter takes a moment to get into the character of a troll to make some sort of point about trolls, it's not like he's become a troll. Now, if he starts moving his furniture in there....

Remus #92: It is, but that's not its real name....

If you are really into the true name issue, you usually wind up asking what you are trying to achieve. Like, are you trying to get:

a. Each person can only have one ID

b. Each person can be held responsible for their actions in some way, perhaps involving the cops.

c. Each person must have some link between his account and some identity by which he is commonly known.

d. Each person must have someone else in the community vouch for him.

etc.

Many years ago, this sort of thing was a big, more-or-less endless topic on the cypherpunks list and among crypto people. It seems to have fallen off since at crypto conferernces, I think largely because so much of the current crypto research is never intended to exist anywhere but in a conference or journal article and on a publication list--if your scheme is utterly and hopelessly impractical and silly, then the difficulty of implementing it becomes a non-issue. Also, the main cypherpunk ideas have apparently all failed.

I remember when I was *sure* that widespread strong crypto was going to change the world, once we got past the RSA/PKP patents, US export restrictions, and slow processors that made public key operations too slow to be practical for small transactions. And that information technology improved privacy, and intrusive oppressive government was on the way out. *Sigh*.

Dumb weblog software question: Multiple duplicate successive posts are really common on pretty much all weblogs. This is trivial to detect and prevent. Why does it still happen?

For example, if you just remembered the SHA1 hash of the fixed part (poster name and text) of the most recent post, and refused to post anything with the same hash, it seems like that would stop nearly all of these annoying things. (It would still be possible to get into a race condition between two posters during a duplicate posting, but keeping track of the last 5 hashes would be sufficient to stop nearly all of it, I think.)

Is there some reason why this would be a bad idea?

Kip W #93:

Also, people are capable of being jerks in some situations, and not in others. (The common case is that tired, hungry, upset, and drunk people can often become really nasty, even when they're nice enough people at other times.) Anonymity, pseudonymity, lack of direct social feedback like shocked looks or clenched fists, lack of immediate conseqences like having nobody talk to you or everyone obviously mad at you at work, all these things affect people differently. Lacking that feedback or those near-term consequences, many people are jerks online who wouldn't be otherwise.

And most of us have been jerks in specific situations, both online and in the real world.

The International Earth Rotation Service doesn't oil the axis each year; pity.

True names are weird no matter how you look at them. I have relatives who are one name to one side of the family and another to the other, a cousin who decided to change her name* from Lexa, through Britney (we were confused and gently mocked her, mostly because she didn't announce the change) to Alex. When it comes to nicknames, girls can have two names in one-- Ashley Lynn was a friend of my brother's, but he had to fight to convince every teacher that his name is John Michael. I'm a Catherine, called Cassie, and I switched to Dia for here** because there was another Cassie on Scalzi's Whatever, and Diatryma is my name in text. I am apparently growing a new True Name.

*Speaking name? Not her legal name, just what people call her in school and home.
**Some of my posts are as Cassie, some are not.
I am becoming addicted to footnotes. Please send help.

Xopher #84: Now you're making me think of the right verb tenses. I think my randomized program gets us to subjunctive tense: This program might turn numbers into links. A program that has the ability to turn numbers into links, but only does so when the local time shows that the year is 2000 or less gets us to conditional tense: This program could turn numbers into links (if it were before the year 2000).

Or am I mixing these? I have to admit, I only really got some of the English verb tenses by studying Spanish. (!Que estudiemos los tiempos!)

I most recently ran into the True Names problem at Facebook, who try to automatedly enforce RealNameness by forbidding some set of dictionary words. My name (which is, admittedly, not my birthname, but which I have used personally and professionally, in person and online, for 15 years now) is not "legitimate", their system says. Annoying (and not to jinx him) my brother Disco Gerdes was able to register his name just fine.

When I'm wanting something explained, I find that asking the really basic ('stupid') questions gets the best answers. The person being asked frequently goes into detail when answering, because they're assuming you don't know anything about the subject. (If you do, it's better not to enlighten them.) And, as one of the people who has a whole lot of possibly-useful information stored in my head, that's also the easiest way to spread it to others, because I don't know what (or how much) they already have.

Happy Birthday Xopher!

A lot of this conversation reminds me of The Name of the Wind.

#105--Yeah, dude, we're lucky to have you.

Xopher (#2): Was that a criticism, or did I avoid wordiness?

Avery @ 96

Cathyn changed his modern name to his SCA name. But he's a geek.

My technique for cleaning CDs/DVDs, especially the disturbingly grungy discs one gets from a library, rental, or used-music/video/game store:

Soap and clean fingers, applied under running water; gentle rubbing from hub to rim. Dry label side with towel; remove large drops from optical side by blowing; let sit until completely dry.

I've never met a disc with a paper label, but I expect this would be a bad idea for those.

Nancy 105, fidelio 107: thanks.

Mary 108: It was praise.

Periodic acid.

Mean Solar Time.

Attitude gauge.

Alligator clip.

Happy birthday, Xopher!

(I'm still trying to figure it out.)

I find myself moving a sofa
and wishing I had a gopher
who would do all my work,
neither shorten nor shirk,
and wish 'Happy Birthday!' to Xopher.

Happy birthday, Xopher!

Happy Birthday, Xopher. How many candles? Twenty-six, right?

Many happy returns of the day, Xopher!

Oo. I forgot "mother liquor".

Avery @ #96: where's the sternum?

Xopher: many happy returns of the day!

How I destroy CDs:

Bring CD outside. Put label-side down on asphalt. Rub with foot until shiny silver stuff comes off.

Or:

Put in microwave, on top of scrap paper. "Nuke" for five seconds. Smells bad, but the brief display of fireworks is spectacular and the disk is rendered utterly, totally dead.

A very happy birthday to you, Xopher. May you have many more.

Xopher (#111): Then thank you. And happy birthday. (And it's 'Mary Aileen', but you knew that. :)

I know we're just picking on the stuff in the list out of fun, but I wanted to present a quick defense and endorsement for the Harmony Universal Remote..

It's hard being a technology slut* in a household populated by non-technical family members who will disemvowel your keyboard should the 10+ component A/V system prove too complex to allow easy access to the latest episodes of Heroes/BSG, etc.

The Harmony Remote allows you to associate buttons with activities such as "Watch Tivo", "Listen to Music" or "Watch Movie". Press an activity button and the appropriate components are switched on, settings adjusted and remote controls tied to the right components (like volume).

The remote has a USB port that you use to connect to your pc/mac and access Harmony's free online programming service. You identify what components your entertainment system has and the control codes are looked up in their online database. You then program activities by identifying which components and settings are needed for that activity.

Initial setup took me about an hour, and it takes maybe 15 minutes to update my settings online when I add/remove components from the system. The rest of the family just uses the remote as usual, with no apparent changes to the interface.

When other alpha geeks complain about how much time they spend on household tech support, I like to tell them that I've been able to reduce mine by 95% with two things: Harmony Remotes and switching to Macs. At $150, the Harmony Remote is a much cheaper first step!

----
* As in I'll take any gadget home that looks purty, winks at me and promises me the time of my life

Thanks, more of everyone.

114:
Fragano, reply here from Xopher,
As he heats up a lunch made by Stouffer:
Your verse birthday greet
ing was really quite sweet.
Now get back to work. What a loafer!

Mary Aileen 122: Aieee! Aileen! Aileen! Mary Aileen!!! Yes, I do know that, I just spaced it. Sorry. Oh Mary,* Mary Aileen, I lean my head down and moan.

*I don't usually use archaic gayspeak, but in this case it seems called for.

So, why does everybody think Real Names=True Names? Am I the only one who read Elfquest and A Wizard of Earthsea?

Mary 125: Not everyone. In Wicca we never say "real name," because our in-circle names are just as real as our outside-circle names. We call them "Craft name" and "legal name" respectively. My ML name is Xopher, but it's no secret that my legal name is Christopher Hatton. I just like Xopher better for this purpose. There are online places where my name is Criostoir (or Críostóir if they'll allow it); I'm known as Absentminded Perfesser on MySpace.

All of those are "real names" in the sense that none is a deceptive alias, but none is my truename either.

The truename of the universe IS the universe.

Foolproof method for media destruction:

Watch the first half of Serenity. Pause to deal with latest household catastrophe. Come back to find youngest daughter watching Little Mermaid. Look around and see your dvd on the floor, under a leg of the step stool used by daughter to reach dvd player...

Teresa #@86:

I over-research, and then I can neither bear to leave out all the interesting links I've found, nor clutter up the surface text with full-scale references to them.

Also, you're an eensy bit of a typesetting geek. Fire bad, tags pretty.

I want to mention this in a public place, and more folks I know read Making Light than any other place.

I'm separating from the Other Change of Hobbit. This is a result of mutual agreement that it's time I moved on, it's reasonably cordial, and it's for the best for all concerned.

Disconnecting from a relationship of well over thirty years is always difficult. I hope that folks who have found OCH a pleasant place to shop will continue to do so. I wish Dave and the others involved only the best.

I'm sad about this, and I think overall it's the best thing for all involved.

Best wishes, Tom.