Your last sentence is a pun that's going to fly past most of your readers, Abi.

Posted February 25, 2008 5:11 PM by Fragano Ledgister

Mannascripts!

Posted February 25, 2008 5:15 PM by Teresa Nielsen Hayden

Sir Francis Bacon would approve.

Posted February 25, 2008 5:20 PM by Debra Doyle

You might have to be familiar with mass-market publishing to get this one, but Tortilla Flats would be fun to do.

Posted February 25, 2008 5:20 PM by Teresa Nielsen Hayden

And the horns sound.... A-Rooooooh-gulla.

Posted February 25, 2008 5:21 PM by Terry Karney

"Sometimes a Great Potion."

Posted February 25, 2008 5:25 PM by Linkmeister

Tea with the Black Dragon pretty much binds itself.

Posted February 25, 2008 5:26 PM by abi

One wonders how To Serve Man would look.

Posted February 25, 2008 5:26 PM by Fragano Ledgister

Fragano (1): You rapscallion, don't sel Abi's readers short. We're not so green as you think. I'm sure Abi just tossed that one off, but I had no trouble parsleying it. Lettuce have more puns leek this one, I say, endive right in!

Posted February 25, 2008 5:30 PM by HP

Teresa asks, "What books would you bind edibly?"

Naked Lunch, of course.

Posted February 25, 2008 5:33 PM by j h woodyatt

Never a dill moment here, is there?
That's what you get in a roomful of sage writers.

Posted February 25, 2008 5:36 PM by Melissa Mead

Other books from our salad days:

Jack London, White Fang: mâche

Carlos Casteneda, The Teachings of Don Juan: mesclun

Posted February 25, 2008 5:39 PM by HP

jh woodyatt @10:
Teresa asks, "What books would you bind edibly?"

*cough*

Posted February 25, 2008 5:39 PM by abi

Teresa asks, "What books would you bind edibly?"

Naked Lunch, of course.

Posted February 25, 2008 5:40 PM by j h woodyatt

HP #9: How saucy of you! I would have stalked right by your post with celerity, were it not peppered with such pungent phrases that deserve to be included in the ar-chive. Still, such things are meat and drink to us all here, and I would not steak much that there will be many food-related puns in this thread; I expect that she planned to bread quite a few.

Posted February 25, 2008 5:42 PM by Fragano Ledgister

Many of us weren't found under cabbage leaves.

Posted February 25, 2008 5:43 PM by P J Evans

Here at work I'm looking at the pile of Java books on my shelves.

Including one entitled Java in a Nutshell.

A largish walnut shell might be good for a particularly strong dose of espresso...

Posted February 25, 2008 5:44 PM by Darth Paradox

I have some sage advice for the punsters here; leave off, or you'll rue the day, for sure as shooting, someone will stalk you, and the wages of sin is death, which celery you don't want to earn.

Posted February 25, 2008 5:45 PM by Terry Karney

HP #9: I would have stalked right by your post with celerity, were it not peppered with such pungent phrases that deserve to be included in the ar-chive. Still, such things are meat and drink to us all here, and I would not steak much that there will be many food-related puns in this thread; I expect that she planned to bread quite a few.

Posted February 25, 2008 5:51 PM by Fragano Ledgister

I wish I had thyme to do this. But if I take on another project, I'll roux the day, and have to ganache my teeth over the time I spend on it.

Posted February 25, 2008 5:53 PM by Xopher

Dammit. I misread the byline. I need to cut down on the caffeine today.

Posted February 25, 2008 5:55 PM by j h woodyatt

Terry Karney #18: I'll take your sage advice with a pinch of salt. In the immortal words of someone or other, all you need is lovage.

Posted February 25, 2008 5:55 PM by Fragano Ledgister

I wish I had thyme to do this. But if I take on another project, I'll roux the day, and have to ganache my teeth over the time I spend on it.

Posted February 25, 2008 5:58 PM by Xopher

I am resolutely -- nay, bitterleaf-ly -- ignoring the salad of puns, the melange, the melting pot of punnery to suggest a book for the edible binding thereof: Dust by Elizabeth Bear. It should be covered finally in a light layer of chocolate powder. I'm not at all sorrel for my suggestion, either.

Tat-, tat-, tatsoi folks!

Posted February 25, 2008 6:03 PM by Ginger

..Oh, do me a fava and put in "Saladin of Pouls" for edible binding too. It's bean a great book to re-read.

Posted February 25, 2008 6:16 PM by Ginger

Well, for Episcopalians the definitive volume is The Supper of the Lamb by Robert Farrar Capon, whose very title is a pun both on theology and on the recipes contained within.

Posted February 25, 2008 6:18 PM by C. Wingate

C. Wingate #26: Given the name of the author, I expect that there would be a number of recipes featuring fowl (or would those count as cannibalism?).

Posted February 25, 2008 6:27 PM by Fragano Ledgister

Fragano @ 27: I hesitate to point out that I myself am a well-known spice and am routinely added to Chinese dishes. I feel a bit rash in saying that I don't like myself. Oh, I've gotten used to my flavor, but it's not something I like. It's never crystallized into actual dislike, though.

Posted February 25, 2008 6:34 PM by Ginger

And so it bacons. These are not the ponzu are looking for.

Year of Rice and Salt, done as a mosaic of Oryza and Zizania grains showing the world.

Perhaps also the SF classic 'Flan,' by A. E. vin Vodka,

And Ray Bradbury's 'Icing the Body Electric'

Posted February 25, 2008 6:43 PM by Kathryn from Sunnyvale

How about Tolkien's classic, The Gobbet, or There and Back Again? It could be bound in nice fresh meat, my precious.

Posted February 25, 2008 6:56 PM by Ginger

...or The Dragonfruit Riders of Pernambuco?

Posted February 25, 2008 7:01 PM by Ginger

I think In the Night Kitchen would be interesting, though my sole memory of the book is the "I'm in the milk and the milk's in me, God bless milk and God bless me," which may not even be from it. I suggest not dunking the book in milk. That is for cookies.

I am still disappointed that Horace Mann elementary school did not title their cookbook appropriately.

Edible books: Carol Berg has Flesh and Spirit which is probably mostly about which wine to serve with chicken, beef, et cetera. Cherie Priest's books, either Four and Twenty Blackbirds or Dreadful Skin, would work-- pies and extra-crispy fried things. I'm not sure if The Left Hand of Darkness would be made of coffee, chocolate, or perhaps charcoal, so you have to (horrifyingly) burn the book to cook with it.

Posted February 25, 2008 7:16 PM by Diatryma

I rather like Green Eggs and Ham, though it might make the slipcase slip a bit too much from all the melted butter.

Posted February 25, 2008 7:16 PM by Bruce Cohen (SpeakerToManagers)

Lettuce not forget, the classic tome for culinary jobseekers..... Richard Bolles' "What Color is Your Patachoux?"

Posted February 25, 2008 7:50 PM by Bill Blum

"No Eggsit?"

Posted February 25, 2008 8:00 PM by Linkmeister

*looks at thread*

*greens*

Posted February 25, 2008 8:21 PM by B. Durbin

"The Seasonings," by PDQ Bach, would have to be bound edibly, if anyone were to publish it by itself. (Lyrics include "Have you onions? And have you savory? We have no savory today," and go on as one might expect.) I don't know HOW one would go about making an edible binding to last longer than a performance. Even something like nori is not really durable enough to write home on.

Posted February 25, 2008 8:32 PM by Adrian

"A Saucer of Loneliness" would stand by itself (perhaps topped with a bit of caviar?)

Posted February 25, 2008 8:33 PM by Richard Clark

Did they specify who could eat the result? If not, I have a perfect application for Von Neumann replicators (eventually): Making Book.

Posted February 25, 2008 8:44 PM by Richard Clark

Oh, thank you, thank you! This is actually happening locally, I have time to think about what to make (or steal excellent ideas from above), and can submit! Oh frabjous joy!

(I'm definitely partial to Java in a Nutshell right now - I have candy molds in the shape of walnut shell halves, and I can fill them with espresso ganache)

Posted February 25, 2008 9:08 PM by Tracey C.

If a musician's biography would be acceptable, I'd recommend To Hell and Back, by Meatloaf.

It just cries out to be covered in ketchup.

Posted February 25, 2008 9:14 PM by Ginger

Dalgren, A Dal's House: lenticular tomes.

Posted February 25, 2008 10:47 PM by Suzanne F.

abi, when I saw "Leaves of Lettuce," I expected it to be Teresa. She's the one with the hamster.

Where Late the Sweet Birds Sang

Tea from an Empty Cup

Posted February 25, 2008 11:43 PM by Marilee

I keep reading the Recent Comments as "The Secret Lives of Lettuce" which might be pretty interesting.

Posted February 25, 2008 11:48 PM by Diatryma

Leaves of Lettuce? No...Leaves of Grass. As part of a triumvirate including The Grass Harp [Capote], and of course, Grass [Tepper].

Posted February 26, 2008 12:49 AM by oliviacw

Or anything by Günter Grass.

Posted February 26, 2008 1:49 AM by Bruce Cohen (SpeakerToManagers)

What to bind? A Moveable Feast, best done covered in fish fillets, preferably caught by old men.

Posted February 26, 2008 4:04 AM by pat greene

Bruce @46:
Or anything by Günter Grass

You put me in mind of a shocking gap: we should have a smokable book festival as well, perhaps on Sir Walter Raleigh's birthday.

Posted February 26, 2008 4:25 AM by abi

Lord Chesterfield, Lettuce to his Son
John F Kennedy, Profiles in Porridge
Samuel Pepys, Dairy
John Milton, Arugulapagitica

SF:
Robert Heinlein, Tofu Beyond The Sunset
ibid, The Mousse Is A Harsh Mistress
Iain M Banks, Against A Dark Chocolate Background

48: not everyone smokes, but I'd go for a drinkable book festival. "The Drawing of the Dark" (real ale saves Christendom!) and "Earthquake Weather" (Californian zinfandel saves America!) come to mind, obviously. I think Tim Powers books are rather like Withnail and I; if you try to drink along with the characters, bad things will happen.

Posted February 26, 2008 4:54 AM by ajay

abi @ 58

A trippy suggestion. How about lighting up "The Man in the High Castle"?

But speaking of the pursuit of the edible, why not consider edible art as well (or bind a coffee table book for an artist and eat that)? Arcimboldo's "Vegetables" seems like a good choice.

Posted February 26, 2008 7:48 AM by Bruce Cohen (SpeakerToManagers)

Bruce Cohen, SeerToFutures @50:

Would you like to try again on that link? I do not think it leads where you think it leads.

Posted February 26, 2008 7:54 AM by abi

abi @ 51

... mumble mumble cut and paste mumble rotten vegetables mumble ...

Sorry, let's try this instead.

Posted February 26, 2008 9:10 AM by Bruce Cohen (SpeakerToManagers)

Speaking of edible books....

Posted February 26, 2008 11:28 AM by Debbie

Hogfather? The Last Hero doesn't quite work as an edible book, although you could do a sandwich binding of the cover.

Posted February 26, 2008 11:36 AM by Malthus

Drinkable books? Well, of course, nothing could beat J.R.R. Tolkien's disquisition on the ale of Oxfordshire: Lord of the Drinks.

Posted February 26, 2008 12:29 PM by Fragano Ledgister

Taking it straight, no changes of title:

Tea With the Black Dragon

Bolt (perhaps a bit conceptual, with some bolted lettuces)

Sugar Street

Stardust (riffing off Ginger's idea for Dust)

Posted February 26, 2008 1:09 PM by joann

Cod. (and &tc.)
Any collection of authors/litcrit/individual work of authors from the Kailyard school, kale/cabbage leaves
Rubyfruit Jungle (grapefruit peel)
A Wrinkle in {Thyme}
Biography of Sir Francis Drake - duck feathers.
The House at Pooh Corner (etc.) Honeycomb.
On the Road - Beet leaves. (also: Justine)
The (Hore)Hound of the Baskevilles.
The Nonexistent Knight and The Cloven Viscount.
Any retelling of the myth of Demeter and Persephone: pomegranate rind.
The Marrow of Tradition (chestnuts)
That horrible, horrible book about how workers bear complete responsibility for everything that happens to them and should happily accept every new CEO-salary inspired downsizing: some particularly smelly cheese. Or better, cheese product.
Das Boot: long bread roll.
Hamlet! (but with rue, rosemary, and fennel . . .).
The Catcher in the Rye.
The Wizard of Oz - poppyseed bagel.
DVD packaging - Firefly (Saffron).
Like Water for Chocolate
The Passing of the Great Race (Great White Northern beans)
Lonely Planet:Peru (Lima beans)
I'd say an edition of the collected shorter works of Denis Diderot (strozzapreti), but apparently that's a misquote. Ah, well . . .
Birth Of The Cool: Beat, Bebop, and the American Avant Garde (cucumber slices)
The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire (apple - y'know . . .)

Posted February 26, 2008 1:17 PM by Dan S.

Peter Pan (bread)
The Tragedy of Tragedies, or the History of Tom Thumb the Great (Tom Thumb lettuce)
*An Account of the Brandybuck family east of the Brandywine River (heirloom tomatoes)
The Wasteland, Prufrock, and Other Poems (peach pits, oyster shells, coffee spoons, dulse).
The Saga of the Volsungs (Indian curry containing spinach/mustard greens).
Three Men in a Boat (To Say Nothing of the Dog)- sour cherries.
Selected Works of Cicero (chickpeas)
Little Red Riding Hood (lupini beans)
The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe (Turkish Delight.)
Ender's Shadow (Haricots verts)
Doctor Zhivago/Collected Poems of Boris Pasternak (parsnips)
* Speculations Concerning the Secret Heir to the Throne of Ankh-Morpork (carrots)
A Thief of Time, by Tony Hillerman (Anasazi beans)
Witness, by Whittaker Chambers (pumpkin)
The Big Sleep (almonds)
Omphalos, by Philip Gosse (Navel orange-rind)
The Narrative of Cabeza De Vaca (head cheese)
Great Expectations (wedding cake - or apple seeds)
Don Quixote (Manchego cheese)
Rootabaga Stories . . .
Fair Game, by Valerie Plame Wilson (leeks)
Mutiny on the Bounty (breadfruit)
The No Spin Zone (ah . . . ridged gourd)

Posted February 26, 2008 3:00 PM by Dan S.

[OT] Dan S @57, ooh, yes — one of those really aged Stilton-type cheeses that look like something out of HP Lovecraft, full of warts & blotches & oddly-coloured fungi for that disgusting ... Cheese? book. Work sent us to a seminar with that theme some years back, it made me quite narky with the assumptions behind the concept.
Perhaps with a garnish of something really runny, symbolising either the spinelessness & helplessness expected of them that do the actual work, or the kind of principles of those who advocate its ideology.[/OT]

Posted February 26, 2008 4:17 PM by Epacris

This is a neat caper...

Oliviacw @ 45 mentioned Capote which made me think of binding In Cold Blood in thinly sliced black pudding.

I don't feel quite so hungry now.

Posted February 26, 2008 4:52 PM by Paul Duncanson

This is something like what I'm trying to do, recreating menus from "Alice in Wonderland" and "Lud-in-the-Mist" for dinner parties.

I hope that this comes to Boston.

Posted February 26, 2008 8:04 PM by Cassandra

I can't say that I approve of this sort of speculation. The availability of edible books preys on the most gullible of readers.

After all, they'll swallow anything.

Posted February 26, 2008 10:30 PM by dlbowman76

ajay @ #49: Robert Heinlein, ... The Mousse Is A Harsh Mistress

Or "The Moon is a Hard Cheddar".

Also "The Bread-Rolling Stones", "Fennel in the Sky", "Pea-Podkayne of Mars", and of course "Thyme Enough for Loaf".

Posted February 27, 2008 10:08 AM by Paul A.

For abi, since you asked.

There once were some leaves made of grass,
Which tasted quite nasty, alas.
So abi took lettuce,
To see where that'd get us,
And now they are eaten en masse.

Posted February 28, 2008 1:52 AM by Kayjayoh

[OT]@Dan#57 and @Epacris#59: Which book needs a smelly cheese binding again?
[/OT]

What to Expect When You're Expecting - bound in good milk chocolate, with pages comprised of such things as Constant Comment tea and sugar; willowbark and sugar; cocoa, milk solids and sugar; cut black and orange pekoe tea and sugar; etc. All pages to be suitably composed or perforated such that an appropriate steeping mixture can be easily obtained. (adjust contents to suit taste - my wife likes milk chocolate, hot chocolate, very sweet tea, etc...)

What to Expect When Your Wife is Expanding - bound in willowbark, hollowed out to contain a flask of really good whiskey. (I like whiskey, and screams give me headaches, too...)

Later,
-cajun

Posted February 28, 2008 2:38 PM by cajunfj40

I'm surprised nobody's mentioned THE BEANS OF EGYPT, MAINE or GRUB(B?) STREET.

"War and Peas"?

Posted February 29, 2008 8:41 AM by Richard Klin

cajunfj40 @65: The original infestation was simply called 'Who Moved My Cheese?', but this has evolved into assorted strains, of which Large Print, Audiobook and Who Moved My Cheese Change Survival Kit with CDROM are comparatively innocuous compared to the acutely pernicious 'Who Moved My Cheese? for Teens' and the horrifying 'Who Moved My Cheese? for Kids: An A-Mazing Way to Change and Win!'

I wasn't thinking so much of the fragrance as the repellent appearance of some of the very 'mature' and well-developed varieties. I wasn't able to find a good online picture, and have previously been monstered by security people for taking photos in shops (Pineapple Spam!?), so haven't my own picture.

Posted February 29, 2008 11:03 AM by Epacris