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June 30, 2008

“No,” he said apartmently
Posted by Patrick at 11:38 AM * 57 comments

Courtesy of the American Family Association, their AP feed, and ill-considered auto-replace: US Olympic sprinter Tyson Homosexual.

(Via The Carpetbagger Report.)

Comments on "No," he said apartmently:
#1 ::: John Houghton ::: (view all by) ::: June 30, 2008, 12:01 PM:

And I worry about typing the wrong homophone?

#2 ::: chris ::: (view all by) ::: June 30, 2008, 12:04 PM:

I have a good friend named Homosexual. Wonderful woman, I can't imagine what her parents were thinking.

#3 ::: Dan ::: (view all by) ::: June 30, 2008, 12:05 PM:

Why are all these cults with the word "family" in their titles so bloody dim?

It's a good laugh, though.

#4 ::: Serge ::: (view all by) ::: June 30, 2008, 12:13 PM:

Ah, the wonders of auto-replace... That reminds me of my not-happy-at-all time at the Gap, and, after I wrote my exit letter, the software suggested replacing my manager's name with 'Valuator' or 'Violator'.

#5 ::: James D. Macdonald ::: (view all by) ::: June 30, 2008, 12:13 PM:

The Manchester Union Leader has gone to using the word "gay" (in place of their formerly-favored "sodomite"), probably to save space.

#6 ::: Kelley Shimmin ::: (view all by) ::: June 30, 2008, 12:19 PM:

My favorite online forum auto-replace: a friend's name became "Thingy" Robinson. It was hilarious and yet bothersome at the same time. Censorship at its silliest.

#7 ::: Xopher ::: (view all by) ::: June 30, 2008, 12:41 PM:

Well, we knew they were buttockorifices. Or should that be mutebuttocks?

#8 ::: John Blonde ::: (view all by) ::: June 30, 2008, 12:45 PM:

Wow. It sounds like it should be an Onion story.

#9 ::: Serge ::: (view all by) ::: June 30, 2008, 12:51 PM:

Soon, on Turner Classic Movies, Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers in The Homosexual Divorcee. Also starring Edward Everett Horton as Egbert 'Pinky' Fitzgerald.

#10 ::: TChem ::: (view all by) ::: June 30, 2008, 01:17 PM:

I have a friend who's a Homosexual. I wonder if they're related? Maybe if the runner is one of the New Hampshire Homosexuals.

#11 ::: Pedantic Peaant ::: (view all by) ::: June 30, 2008, 01:32 PM:

I recall a Reader's Digest humor entry about a Catholic priest who kept the program for funerals on his computer, and just did a global replace to change the name of the departed.

An illustration not just of the dangers of auto-replace but of the silliness that comes when everyone follows the script was illustrated once when he replaced the previous decedent's name, Mary, with that of the most recently departed, Edna.

All went well until the Nicene creed, when the vast majority of the parish read aloud:

" ... by the power of the Holy Spirit he was born of the Virgin Edna, and became man."

#12 ::: Pedantic Peasant (who apparently can't spell his own name) ::: (view all by) ::: June 30, 2008, 01:50 PM:

Okay, if they are changing the AP feed, doesn't that mean that they are no longer actually hosting AP articles, but are posting them, and are therefore guilty of violating the AP's Terms of Use:

"their Terms of Use explicitly prohibit you, even if you’ve paid them, from quoting the Associated Press in order to criticize the Associated Press:

You shall not use the Content in any manner or context that will be in any way derogatory to the author, the publication from which the Content came, or any person connected with the creation of the Content or depicted in the Content. You agree not to use the Content in any manner or context that will be in any way derogatory to or damaging to the reputation of Publisher, its licensors, or any person connected with the creation of the Content or referenced in the Content […]

Publisher reserves the right to terminate this Agreement at any time if Publisher or its agents finds Your use of the licensed Content to be offensive and/or damaging to Publisher’s reputation."

[Taken from Making Light's "The Associated Press: worse than merely foolish"]

Isn't auto-replacing their text a form of criticism, and isn't changing the author's words derogatory to the author? For that matter, doesn't changing Gay's name count as derogatory to someone "depicted in the content," at least?

Why doesn't the AP give the AFA a take-down notice?

#13 ::: julia ::: (view all by) ::: June 30, 2008, 02:10 PM:

License Grant:

Publisher grants You a non-sublicensable, non-transferable, non-assignable right solely to use the Content for the purposes selected by You using the iCopyright system, and only to the extent that the Content is used in its entirety as delivered to You by the iCopyright system. Except as permitted herein, no other use, copying, display or distribution, in any form, of the Content, in whole or in part, is permitted without the prior written consent of Publisher. You shall not modify, edit, change or alter in any manner the Content, or create any derivative works therefrom, including translation of the Content.

#15 ::: Steve Buchheit ::: (view all by) ::: June 30, 2008, 02:16 PM:

Automated hate mongering, it is to laugh.

What next, robot KKK marches?

#16 ::: James D. Macdonald ::: (view all by) ::: June 30, 2008, 02:21 PM:

All went well until the Nicene creed, when the vast majority of the parish read aloud:

Yeah, right. Like "I'm a lighthouse. Your call."

I find this unbelievable for a number of reasons. First among them being, Who reads the Creed? If you haven't got that memorized you're in sad shape. And saying any name other than "Mary" after "Virgin" ... nope. I don't see it.

Second, who uses locally-produced documents for the order of the Mass? Folks will either have their own Missals, or be using the pre-printed Missalettes.

#17 ::: John ::: (view all by) ::: June 30, 2008, 02:35 PM:

"Second, who uses locally-produced documents for the order of the Mass?"

James, given that funerals often attract irregular attenders and those not familiar with any kind of liturgy, it does not strike me as exceeding strange that a parish might produce a unique program for such a service.

At least in my Anglican experience.

However, given its reported Reader's Digest provenance, I join you in questioning the legitimacy of the story as a whole.

#18 ::: moe99 ::: (view all by) ::: June 30, 2008, 02:40 PM:

But you forget, James @#16, funerals bring in lots of nonCatholics, many of whom are Protestant and used to following a weekly preprint of the liturgy w/ all the prayers and responses found therein. So no, not all funeral attendees will have their own missals, unless attendance is strictly controlled.

#19 ::: Ginger ::: (view all by) ::: June 30, 2008, 02:52 PM:

17, 18: Amen.

[Seriously, I just attended a Catholic funeral for the first time in decades, and they had printed out the service, including specific responses. My partner, a Methodist, gets a printed service every week at church. I am a nonreligious Jew, so I have no experience with other churches.]

#20 ::: Ursula L ::: (view all by) ::: June 30, 2008, 03:14 PM:

James D. Macdonald wrote: I find this unbelievable for a number of reasons. First among them being, Who reads the Creed? If you haven't got that memorized you're in sad shape. And saying any name other than "Mary" after "Virgin" ... nope. I don't see it.

Second, who uses locally-produced documents for the order of the Mass? Folks will either have their own Missals, or be using the pre-printed Missalettes.

Weddings and funerals bring in all sorts of people. Not just non-Catholic Christians to a Catholic service, but non-Christians, as well.

People who don't know, or need to know, the creed, don't know their way around a missal or missalette, and don't worry much about who is or isn't a virgin.

A bulletin printed just for the service lets someone follow through from beginning to end without confusion. I'd consider it absolutely necessary for any service expected to draw irregular churchgoers or people from outside the faith in question. Otherwise, it is setting guests up for confusion and embarrassment. It can also leave an invited guest feeling like an unwelcome outsider, when the occasion is run on the assumption that they'll just know what to do.

#21 ::: Electric Landlady ::: (view all by) ::: June 30, 2008, 03:30 PM:

In my copy of Pratchett and Gaiman's Good Omens there is a bit early on where a vulture in a formerly happy African country dies "of Greasy degeneration of the heart" [their capital] a week after the arrival of a stunningly beautiful arms dealer in a red truck. This is a bit baffling until you read further and get to the character named Greasy Johnson, who I assume used to have another name. I don't know if they've fixed this in later editions.

#22 ::: Fragano Ledgister ::: (view all by) ::: June 30, 2008, 04:04 PM:

One is obliged to ask if Tyson Homosexual is related to Penis van Lesbian?

#23 ::: Lance Weber ::: (view all by) ::: June 30, 2008, 05:10 PM:

I dunno, reads okay to me:

Paul Tibbets, who piloted the B-29 Enola Homosexual that dropped the atomic bomb on Hiroshima, has died after six decades of steadfastly defending the mission. He was 92.
...
Tibbets' historic mission in the plane Enola Homosexual, named for his mother, marked the beginning of the end of World War II.
...
It was the morning of Aug. 6, 1945, when the Enola Homosexual and its crew of 14 dropped the five-ton "Little Boy" bomb.
...
A small group of protesters briefly disrupted the official opening of the National Air and Space Museum's new annex at Dulles International Airport Monday, spilling a red liquid supposed to resemble blood near the Enola Homosexual exhibit and throwing an object that dented the airplane.

#24 ::: ethan ::: (view all by) ::: June 30, 2008, 05:16 PM:

The OMD song doesn't work so well, though.

#25 ::: Bill Higgins-- Beam Jockey ::: (view all by) ::: June 30, 2008, 05:28 PM:

Lance, this really happened. From my files...

Headline in Northwest Herald, Crystal Lake, Illinois, 5 September 1994:

"Atomic bombers criticize Enola homosexual exhibit"

#26 ::: abi ::: (view all by) ::: June 30, 2008, 05:57 PM:

My college friend Scoot got his nickname from a badly configured spell-check. I think he still uses it*.

As for the autoreplace blues: I recall a document my mother produced for her law firm in the 80's. The deal was delayed about a month from the original drafting of the contract. The penultimate version therefore had phrases like the party of the first part june, at his discretion...

-----
* the nickname, not the spell checker

#27 ::: Serge ::: (view all by) ::: June 30, 2008, 06:11 PM:

abi @ 26... june, at his discretion

Did she wind up being Indiscreet?

#28 ::: Caroline ::: (view all by) ::: June 30, 2008, 06:15 PM:

Electric Landlady @21, you got me curious, so I checked my copy. Mine just says "Greasy Degeneration" (their caps) -- no "of the heart."

#29 ::: P J Evans ::: (view all by) ::: June 30, 2008, 06:20 PM:

I've seen another example of wholesale replacement that really shouldn't have been done that way: a database, abstracts of wills, where Dec'd became December'd. I don't think so ....

#30 ::: Nenya ::: (view all by) ::: June 30, 2008, 06:24 PM:

I once knew a poster on the Internets called Enola Straight. :-)

#31 ::: fritz ::: (view all by) ::: June 30, 2008, 07:48 PM:

"Gays the Gorilla" just doesn't have the same ring: http://achewood.com/index.php/shop/strips.php?date=02272004

#32 ::: Kevin Marks ::: (view all by) ::: June 30, 2008, 07:53 PM:

Clearly this is another shocking case of homographophobia.
Given the amount of page shuffling to follow the liturgy with seasonal interpolations in the prayerbook at our church, printing the service is a good idea - our church has a special linearized booklet for children to use.

#33 ::: Melissa Mead ::: (view all by) ::: June 30, 2008, 08:14 PM:

Does this mean that now the Flintstones will have a homosexual old time?

#34 ::: Melissa Mead ::: (view all by) ::: June 30, 2008, 08:15 PM:

And will people vacation in "Homosexual Paree?"

#35 ::: Melissa Mead ::: (view all by) ::: June 30, 2008, 08:18 PM:

And of course:
"Have yourself a merry little Christmas. Make the Yuletide homosexual."

#36 ::: Joel Polowin ::: (view all by) ::: June 30, 2008, 08:39 PM:

Don we now our homosexual apparel,
Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la la la

(And you know what "fa-la-la"-ing is representing in all those old folk songs...)

#37 ::: vian ::: (view all by) ::: June 30, 2008, 11:26 PM:

Benhomosexual. It's what's hot in pain relief.

#38 ::: P J Evans ::: (view all by) ::: July 01, 2008, 12:01 AM:

My mother's cousin, Clara May Baty Homosexual?

I don't ... never mind.

#39 ::: ethan ::: (view all by) ::: July 01, 2008, 01:05 AM:

Melissa #35 and Joel #36: Surely June (or is it July yet?) is too early for you anti-American liberals to start the War on Christmas.

#40 ::: ajay ::: (view all by) ::: July 01, 2008, 05:36 AM:

Folks will either have their own Missals, or be using the pre-printed Missalettes.

Kept between services in the church's Missal Silo.

#41 ::: James D. Macdonald ::: (view all by) ::: July 01, 2008, 06:09 AM:

#33 Does this mean that now the Flintstones will have a homosexual old time?

Are you the last to hear about Fred and Barney? Yeah, Wilma was shocked too, but Betty had known all along.

#42 ::: James D. Macdonald ::: (view all by) ::: July 01, 2008, 09:11 AM:

From the Child ballads:

‘His name is Glenlogie, when he is from home;
He is of the homosexual Gordons, his name it is John.’

--

He's ta'en the Lindseys and the Grahams,
Wi' them the Gordons homosexual,
But the Jardines wad not wi' him ride
And they rue it to this day.

--

'Where left thou thy men, thou Gordon so homosexual?'
'In the Bogue of Dunkintie, mowing the hay.'


--

`Frendraught fause, all thro the ha's,
Both back and every side;
For ye've betrayd the homosexual Gordons,
And lands wherein they ride.

--
See also:

The Homosexual Gordons (dance medley .mp3)

#43 ::: Jason B ::: (view all by) ::: July 01, 2008, 03:03 PM:

When I come home sore from a hard day's work, nothing soothes my aching muscles like rubbing Ben-Homosexual on them.

#44 ::: Cowboy Diva ::: (view all by) ::: July 01, 2008, 03:11 PM:

Another s/r nightmare apparently happened at the St. Louis P-D back in the day, when the word "black" became "African-American."
This was corrected after the words "late-model African-American Ford" appeared in newsprint.

#45 ::: dlbowman76 ::: (view all by) ::: July 01, 2008, 03:22 PM:

One of the better typos I've ever had the pleasure of encountering was in a playbill featuring a local high school production of The Wound of Music.

I don't know why, but it conjures an image of Julie Andrews tripping over a stray shoelace, her face an image of terror as she begins to roll down the side of an Alp.

#47 ::: debcha ::: (view all by) ::: July 01, 2008, 04:06 PM:

I saw a restaurant review in the Boston Globe a few months ago for a place that had pictures of 'African-American luminaries' on the wall, including photos of Martin Luther King, Nelson Mandela, and Desmond Tutu. I figured this was a straight editorial replacement of 'black' with 'African-American', without anyone realizing that two of the three were, you know, just African (no modifiers necessary).

#48 ::: Serge ::: (view all by) ::: July 01, 2008, 04:07 PM:

Next thing you know, George Hamilton's Zorro the Gay Blade will be turned into Zorro the Homosexual Blade and... Oh. Nevermind.

#49 ::: Joe McMahon ::: (view all by) ::: July 01, 2008, 06:16 PM:

Joel@36:

... and it's *faaaabulous*!

#50 ::: Marilee ::: (view all by) ::: July 01, 2008, 07:44 PM:

debcha, #47, a lot of American whites think all blacks are African-American. We have black folks from many other countries here near DC and they're constantly feeling insulted or confused.

#51 ::: Ginger ::: (view all by) ::: July 01, 2008, 08:49 PM:

Marilee@ 50: And then there's the white Africans who really confuse some Americans. ;-)

#52 ::: ethan ::: (view all by) ::: July 01, 2008, 11:06 PM:

Ginger #51: And then there's my Moroccan friend Anas who likes to call himself an African and watch people squirm. I especially like it when he's visiting home and tells people he's going to Africa. People often ask him if he's been there before, and he says "Where do you think Moroccans come from?"

Many Americans seem to have this bizarre notion that Africa is a monolith--I call it "the country, Africa". Back in 2003, "from Africa" pissed me off almost as much as "The British Government has learned that Saddam Hussein recently sought significant quantities of uranium".

#53 ::: Meg Thornton ::: (view all by) ::: July 02, 2008, 02:20 AM:

"And the child who is born on the Sabbath day
Is bonny and bright and blythe and homosexual"

Which explains a lot, really.

"I feel pretty, oh so pretty,
I feel pretty and witty and homosexual"

Sort of a pity that one wasn't accurate (I think it had to be cut because it didn't scan). Certainly it would have saved a lot of trouble for the various families if things hadn't been altered.

Suffice it to say this particular bit of auto-replace idiocy has managed to make the past two days very merry ones for me, as my mind goes chasing through heaps of popular culture, old folk songs, and scraps of poetry to find such references. I'm sure the AFA are so glad to be providing people all over the world with so much humour and joy.

#54 ::: James D. Macdonald ::: (view all by) ::: July 02, 2008, 07:58 AM:

The people of the AFA are proud to be the sponsors of so much happiness and homosexualiety.

#55 ::: Rebecca ::: (view all by) ::: July 05, 2008, 11:18 PM:

http://raincoaster.com/2006/10/26/typo-o-the-day-queen-elizabeth-queen-bee/

^ Thought of this immediately on reading the story.

#56 ::: Amy Rye ::: (view all by) ::: August 23, 2008, 12:53 PM:

A young acquaintance of mine appears on text messages as "carpetbanger." A female friend was scandalized until she learned it was a reference to his part-time job laying carpet.

For your listening pleasure, I recommend the late Gilda Radner's excellent "Let's Talk Dirty to the Animals."

#57 ::: Elliott Mason ::: (view all by) ::: June 14, 2010, 07:03 PM:

Serge @4 said: Ah, the wonders of auto-replace... That reminds me of my not-happy-at-all time at the Gap, and, after I wrote my exit letter, the software suggested replacing my manager's name with 'Valuator' or 'Violator'.

My mother was very amused to find that her domain name was autosuggested to be 'corrected' to 'eyeballs' by Word. But then again, the original Addams Family and Gorey cartoons are her very favorites, so that's to be expected. :->

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