Making Light :: What the Email Fairy Brought :: comments

What the Email Fairy Brought

Oh, goody! Look what I found in my spam filter! Vous êtes invité :: SOMEONE YOU CALL YOUR FRIEND,...

What the Email Fairy Brought -- comment #1 from Terry Karney

Sun, 17 Aug 2008 15:05:55 -0500

Well, if they get you, at least we know where to start the investigation.

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Posted August 17, 2008 3:05 PM by Terry Karney

What the Email Fairy Brought -- comment #2 from pericat

Sun, 17 Aug 2008 15:10:08 -0500

Dammit. Ikemba sounded so reliable on the phone, too.

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Posted August 17, 2008 3:10 PM by pericat

What the Email Fairy Brought -- comment #3 from Lizzy L

Sun, 17 Aug 2008 15:15:19 -0500

This guy need a new career -- how about mortgage broker?

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Posted August 17, 2008 3:15 PM by Lizzy L

What the Email Fairy Brought -- comment #4 from John Houghton

Sun, 17 Aug 2008 15:26:32 -0500

He didn't send the letter out until he found out that the cost to get his "boys" to Colebrook far exceeded the amount he is being paid to assassinate you.

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Posted August 17, 2008 3:26 PM by John Houghton

What the Email Fairy Brought -- comment #5 from James D. Macdonald

Sun, 17 Aug 2008 15:34:53 -0500

Darn it!

I'd felt like such a special little snowflake, but it turns out that not only has Mr. Okoye been hired to perform a lot of hits, but he's been warning all his intended victims, and well over seven hundred of them have already posted his email to their web pages, livejournals, and/or blogs.

Y'know, one of the people who hired him is going to get really ticked off, and one day Mr. Okoye is going to get an email that begins, "I felt very sorry and bad for you...."

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Posted August 17, 2008 3:34 PM by James D. Macdonald

What the Email Fairy Brought -- comment #6 from Carol Kabat

Sun, 17 Aug 2008 15:46:14 -0500

Uncle Jim-
Please feel free to use my ex-husband as a human shield.

Thanks ever so.

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Posted August 17, 2008 3:46 PM by Carol Kabat

What the Email Fairy Brought -- comment #7 from Caroline

Sun, 17 Aug 2008 15:48:17 -0500

My very favorite part of this is that it's structured as an Evite.

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Posted August 17, 2008 3:48 PM by Caroline

What the Email Fairy Brought -- comment #8 from JKRichard

Sun, 17 Aug 2008 15:53:43 -0500

I really wish there was some way to reliably track, capture and incarcerate these asshats.

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Posted August 17, 2008 3:53 PM by JKRichard

What the Email Fairy Brought -- comment #9 from emeraldcite

Sun, 17 Aug 2008 16:36:25 -0500

He's really stamping all over the hitman-client privilege. He'd better get a lawyer...

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Posted August 17, 2008 4:36 PM by emeraldcite

What the Email Fairy Brought -- comment #10 from Serge

Sun, 17 Aug 2008 16:46:33 -0500

What's with the French language? Someone hired Jean Reno?

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Posted August 17, 2008 4:46 PM by Serge

What the Email Fairy Brought -- comment #11 from Lila

Sun, 17 Aug 2008 16:52:09 -0500

Heheheh. Obviously his plan to lull you into a false sense of security is working like a charm...oops, I mean...um.

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Posted August 17, 2008 4:52 PM by Lila

What the Email Fairy Brought -- comment #12 from Joel Polowin

Sun, 17 Aug 2008 17:00:28 -0500

Sorry -- is that a "SOMEONE YOU CALL YOUR FRIEND, WANTS YOU DEAD" Yahoo group?

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Posted August 17, 2008 5:00 PM by Joel Polowin

What the Email Fairy Brought -- comment #13 from Rulial

Sun, 17 Aug 2008 17:05:14 -0500

Not like this spammer is ever going to be caught, but this has to be more illegal than 419 fraud.

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Posted August 17, 2008 5:05 PM by Rulial

What the Email Fairy Brought -- comment #14 from Clifton Royston

Sun, 17 Aug 2008 17:14:15 -0500

It's interesting how he had to truncate it to fit it into the eVite format. There's a standard version of this that's been going around for a couple years, which has scared some naïfs half to death.

You can reliably identify the original by the phrase "might just spear your life". This has led to some fine snarking around the 'net.

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Posted August 17, 2008 5:14 PM by Clifton Royston

What the Email Fairy Brought -- comment #15 from BuffySquirrel

Sun, 17 Aug 2008 17:16:17 -0500

Dear Ikemba

Ah, but I know who hired you to kill me, and I've arranged for them to be taken care of. So if you kill me, you won't get paid.

Also, my house is mined.

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Posted August 17, 2008 5:16 PM by BuffySquirrel

What the Email Fairy Brought -- comment #16 from Linkmeister

Sun, 17 Aug 2008 18:00:04 -0500

Mr. Eko had to find new work after he left the cast of "Lost," but this is disappointing. Surely he could have done better.

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Posted August 17, 2008 6:00 PM by Linkmeister

What the Email Fairy Brought -- comment #17 from Neil Willcox

Sun, 17 Aug 2008 18:38:42 -0500

It reminds me of a spoof death threat I got many years ago. It claimed that my life was being filmed by aliens from Alderbaran and that it was the fourth highest rated show on the network. Unfortunately the authors were the producers of "Blue Cheez", the fifth highest rated show on the network, and they were allowing me five minutes to set my affairs in order and scream before disintegrating me.

I'm almost certain the friend who wrote it hasn't turned to scam emails.

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Posted August 17, 2008 6:38 PM by Neil Willcox

What the Email Fairy Brought -- comment #18 from Jon Meltzer

Sun, 17 Aug 2008 18:42:23 -0500

Wow. PublishAmerica is getting desperate ...

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Posted August 17, 2008 6:42 PM by Jon Meltzer

What the Email Fairy Brought -- comment #19 from pericat

Sun, 17 Aug 2008 18:49:55 -0500

#18: if only they hadn't insisted Ikemba do his own publicity...

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Posted August 17, 2008 6:49 PM by pericat

What the Email Fairy Brought -- comment #20 from Ginger

Sun, 17 Aug 2008 18:53:22 -0500

Serge @ 10: Everyone knows the French are trés dangereuse. Tabarnac!

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Posted August 17, 2008 6:53 PM by Ginger

What the Email Fairy Brought -- comment #21 from Andy Perrin

Sun, 17 Aug 2008 19:37:19 -0500

Write back. Tell Mr. Okoye that you don't like apples, you already have a princess, and woodland creatures are frankly frightened of you.

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Posted August 17, 2008 7:37 PM by Andy Perrin

What the Email Fairy Brought -- comment #22 from Serge

Sun, 17 Aug 2008 21:00:13 -0500

Ginger @ 20... Sacrebleu! Some of us are quite nice. Oui, oui.

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Posted August 17, 2008 9:00 PM by Serge

What the Email Fairy Brought -- comment #23 from Steve Buchheit

Sun, 17 Aug 2008 21:46:30 -0500

Now that's a social network I think could really catch on. You know, except for all the members dropping dead.

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Posted August 17, 2008 9:46 PM by Steve Buchheit

What the Email Fairy Brought -- comment #24 from Joel Polowin

Sun, 17 Aug 2008 23:35:57 -0500

No problem. Just ask your beloved friend, the God-fearing and extremely trustworthy Miriam "Legs" Akimba, to pay him from your share of the ten million quatloos (Q10,000,000) you will be assisting her to transfer from her country.

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Posted August 17, 2008 11:35 PM by Joel Polowin

What the Email Fairy Brought -- comment #25 from hedgehog

Mon, 18 Aug 2008 01:25:49 -0500

I had a deathspam a few months ago. I /knew/ it was all bluster and wind, but that didn't stop me feeling upset and dirty. I reported it, of course, but what can ISPs/IT departments /do/? Pretty much nothing, it seems.

Don't let's forget amid the fun-poking that these vile threats are hurtful in and of themselves.

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Posted August 18, 2008 1:25 AM by hedgehog

What the Email Fairy Brought -- comment #26 from Nicole TWN

Mon, 18 Aug 2008 10:34:22 -0500

I've been meaning to get this off my chest for a while now, so here goes:

Bless me, deities of the Internet, for I have sinned. I have aided a 419 scammer.

I was in France last month, visiting family and generally having a blast. And, since wherever I was staying wasn't always convenient to whatever I was doing that day, I frequently dropped by a cybercafe to check the ol' email.

It was in a Lyon cybercafe that I encountered a man who spoke English but very little French--and who needed the sort of help that only a bilingual computer geek could provide. So I patiently walked him through the process of importing files from his thumb drive to Google Docs... which is when, from a glance at the document, I couldn't help but notice that he was almost certainly running a 419 scam.

I extricated myself from the vicinity very quickly, and still feel vaguely guilty that I didn't call him on his scammin' ways.

Anyone have an idea of what kind of penance I should perform?

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Posted August 18, 2008 10:34 AM by Nicole TWN

What the Email Fairy Brought -- comment #27 from Mary Dell

Mon, 18 Aug 2008 11:06:19 -0500

What I find intriguing is that he doesn't offer to NOT kill you...just says you should contact him. Presumably to confim your address for his minions.

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Posted August 18, 2008 11:06 AM by Mary Dell

What the Email Fairy Brought -- comment #28 from Xopher

Mon, 18 Aug 2008 12:18:25 -0500

I just got one that started like this:

How are you and your family I hope fine? Do accept my sincere apologies if my mail does not meet your personal ethics.

It's the classic Nigerian scam, not a death threat, but I thought that second sentence was priceless.

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Posted August 18, 2008 12:18 PM by Xopher

What the Email Fairy Brought -- comment #29 from Seth

Mon, 18 Aug 2008 13:30:42 -0500

"I have the money you ask for. Just have one of your boys who is tracking me come up and ask for it and use the password, and I'll pay him."

See how long you can make the correspondence continue before he gives up. (You'll also learn more of his email addresses to get canceled.)

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Posted August 18, 2008 1:30 PM by Seth

What the Email Fairy Brought -- comment #30 from Seth

Mon, 18 Aug 2008 14:31:03 -0500

Nicole #26: The appropriate penance is to return, and when you see him (or somebody else) sending 419s, call the police.

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Posted August 18, 2008 2:31 PM by Seth

What the Email Fairy Brought -- comment #31 from Tobias Steinhorst

Mon, 18 Aug 2008 15:56:36 -0500

Just offer him the diamonds you got from the nephew of the Nigerian president, if he let's you live, all he has to do, is to send you his id papers.

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Posted August 18, 2008 3:56 PM by Tobias Steinhorst