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October 24, 2008

Vlad and his friend Boris make a video
Posted by Teresa at 11:21 AM * 73 comments

I’ve been collecting vernacular music videos all through this campaign, most collectedly in All come singing, and in bits and pieces elsewhere, like Hey Sarah Palin in Particles.

Elise forwarded me a new one: ‘Song for Sarah’ for mrs. Palin by Vlad and Boris, who by unreliable report live at 45454 Russia Ave., Moscow. I love it. Their written English may be sketchy, but their hearts are true, and they do a great deadpan delivery.

Lyrics:

words 2 song

soon as i wayk up in the morning
i go to my window
i made this teliscop myself out of duck tape and the thing that holds the rapping paper

so i can see if ur there
i fix it on ur howse in Alaska
my next door neybor here in moscow

what r u doing rite now lets see
r u and todd ok?
u say u can see me and my country from ur state well im looking at u evry day!!!

misses palin!
i want to fly into ur Airspase!
misses palin!
i want to reer my little Head!
misses palin!
why wont You reply to my Emails?!!
I made a teliscop for YOU and i luv u so

we share a small merry-time border but the borders of r harts is thick
u dont like news-papers well neether of us can say or reed english

we are madw for eachuther!!!
so fly ur playn my way
i live at 45454 RUSSIA AVE

repeet misses palin chorus

I say dog gone it you betcha you betcha dog gone it you betcha dog gone it say it aint so joe you betcha dog on it etc

i luv u

Elections were so much less fun before YouTube.
Comments on Vlad and his friend Boris make a video:
#1 ::: dlbowman76 ::: (view all by) ::: October 24, 2008, 11:56 AM:

*snif* urequited love just hits me right here. (No, right here. Oh, for Godssake, you point the spear thus, yes? Then you -lunge-, you can lunge, can't you?)

*YERK*

Yes...*gasp*...unrequited love hits me right...

*thud*

#2 ::: Fragano Ledgister ::: (view all by) ::: October 24, 2008, 12:30 PM:

Let no one say that the love song is dead.

#3 ::: Emma ::: (view all by) ::: October 24, 2008, 12:30 PM:

I needed that, even if I turned blue at the end there (couldn't breathe for laughing). After being told by someone -- straight face, no joke, seriously -- that Obama would implement a communist dictatorship as soon as he took office and the troops were already in place... no I'm not kidding. I live in South Florida, remember?

#4 ::: Laura ::: (view all by) ::: October 24, 2008, 12:33 PM:

That is really funny. The production values are the best. See further discussion here, though...

#5 ::: Xopher ::: (view all by) ::: October 24, 2008, 12:38 PM:

YouTube is blocked at work, so I'll have to wait until I get home to see this. It sounds terrific though.

I wonder if they know what "little head" means in America?

#6 ::: Adrian ::: (view all by) ::: October 24, 2008, 12:45 PM:

Xopher, I'm almost certain they do. They seem very well-versed in aspects of American pop culture one can watch or listen to online. They just can't *spell*.

#7 ::: dlbowman76 ::: (view all by) ::: October 24, 2008, 12:46 PM:

Laura (4) I so, so, *so* utterly hope that that report is not true...but on the other hand, if it is true, then well - Wa-Hey! (But I hope it isn't true. I really don't want the silver-medalist nation for nuclear armaments to be -that- naive.)

#8 ::: Lila ::: (view all by) ::: October 24, 2008, 12:54 PM:

@#4, I suspect the leg pullers are having their legs pulled.

#9 ::: K.C. Shaw ::: (view all by) ::: October 24, 2008, 12:55 PM:

I'm at work so I can't watch it until I get home, but just reading the lyrics had me dying. I needed this today, too--one of my coworkers came in this morning and announced that he'd early-voted for McCain because "we don't need a Muslim in the white house" and because Obama planned to disband the Marines. I work in a college! People here are supposed to be intelligent!

#10 ::: Xopher ::: (view all by) ::: October 24, 2008, 01:01 PM:

Well, but I bet he's really good at orking cows.

*shakes head sadly, then gets quizzical look*

Disband...the Marines?!?! Where do they get this stuff?!?

#11 ::: dlbowman76 ::: (view all by) ::: October 24, 2008, 01:03 PM:

K.C. Shaw (9) wrote: "People here are supposed to be intelligent!" If I were a nasty man, I would suggest that you prepare yourself for deep disappointment. Not being a nasty man however, there are deep horrid currents in this particular election, and the worst of all of us will come to the surface. (With two weeks to go, I expect that we will see some variation of the poster - Vote for me, you don't want a N***er to win, do you??) But then, perhaps I'm a vicious mean-spirited brute. No one in this election would resort to racism...

Would they?

#12 ::: Doug Faunt ::: (view all by) ::: October 24, 2008, 01:09 PM:

Hm, I had a Manchurian Candidate moment the other night.
It's far more likely that McCain is a Communist robot, having been in their hands for 5 years. And the reason Palin says she can see Russia from her window is that that's in her house in Russia, where she goes by boat to report and be trained.

I woke up the cats by laughing in the dark.

#13 ::: Bill Higgins-- Beam Jockey ::: (view all by) ::: October 24, 2008, 01:33 PM:

ObSF: The "news bulletin from the future" format (as seen in 2004) is revived as a video by the Government Is Not God PAC to show all the terrible things that will happen under President Obama.

Following the inauguration of Barrack Obama as President, the Middle Eastern reaction is still the same. Obama campaign supporters from Al-Qaeda, to Hamas, to Hezbollah, to Islamic Jihad, and the Muslim Brotherhood continue to dance in the streets. The Death to America Coalition spokesperson said, "We have not celebrated like this since Nine-Eleven..."

Spotted on Beliefnet.

#14 ::: Lee ::: (view all by) ::: October 24, 2008, 01:58 PM:

Palin should be flattered. I sure wouldn't kick either of those guys out of bed for eating crackers!

#15 ::: Nicole J. LeBoeuf-Little ::: (view all by) ::: October 24, 2008, 02:04 PM:

#1 - Your response to the OP is a work of comic genious.

#12, I woke up the cats by laughing in the dark. And that line should be a song lyric.


o teh hilarity, it brightens my dai!

#16 ::: Lexica ::: (view all by) ::: October 24, 2008, 02:25 PM:

K.C. Shaw @ 9: To quote one of my co-workers, "To look around this place, you'd never guess we were an institution of higher education..."

#17 ::: Skwid ::: (view all by) ::: October 24, 2008, 02:41 PM:

That...is truly beautiful! I am touched. OK, possibly just in the head, but still.

#18 ::: Tom Whitmore ::: (view all by) ::: October 24, 2008, 02:51 PM:

I was going to pass this on to you when I saw it this morning. I really like the Russian news agency wanting to mention it as referenced in Laura's "here" @4.

#19 ::: Neil Willcox ::: (view all by) ::: October 24, 2008, 04:10 PM:

...Obama would implement a communist dictatorship as soon as he took office and the troops were already in place...

That's what that brigade(?) assigned to homeland security duties is for!

...Obama planned to disband the Marines.

I'm sure we'll miss live performances of The Halls of Montezuma, but in the 21st century, they can probably get away with an ipod filled with marcing music and some speakers. What? Not that kind of disbandment?

#20 ::: Larry Brennan ::: (view all by) ::: October 24, 2008, 04:13 PM:

Now I'm wondering if my laughter related tears will short out my keyboard. Thanks!

#21 ::: Earl Cooley III ::: (view all by) ::: October 24, 2008, 04:40 PM:

K.C. Shaw #9: one of my coworkers came in this morning and announced that he'd early-voted for McCain because "we don't need a Muslim in the white house" and because Obama planned to disband the Marines.

The "disband the Marines" plan has also been attributed to Hillary Clinton and Eleanor Roosevelt.

On the other hand, disbanding Blackwater is something I could be enthused about.

#22 ::: "Orange Mike" Lowrey ::: (view all by) ::: October 24, 2008, 08:11 PM:

Bojemoi!

#23 ::: Nenya ::: (view all by) ::: October 25, 2008, 02:18 AM:

I'd heard references to this song, but hadn't seen the lyrics or hunted down the video. A

*dissolves into giggles* Thank you. I, too, needed that. I just got an email from a (Canadian! ??!) friend, some forward conceding that Bush may have messed up a little, but at least he nominated Roberts and Alito, so yay--

On the other hand, this article made me happy. It's kind of neat to remember that Obama's white, too. Hurray for love.

#24 ::: Nenya ::: (view all by) ::: October 25, 2008, 02:18 AM:

I'd heard references to this song, but hadn't seen the lyrics or hunted down the video.

*dissolves into giggles* Thank you. I, too, needed that. I just got an email from a (Canadian! ??!) friend, some forward conceding that Bush may have messed up a little, but at least he nominated Roberts and Alito, so yay--

On the other hand, this article made me happy. It's kind of neat to remember that Obama's white, too. Hurray for love.

#26 ::: Lila ::: (view all by) ::: October 25, 2008, 04:22 PM:

Nenya @#23: thanks. That's my new desktop picture.

#27 ::: Bill Higgins-- Beam Jockey ::: (view all by) ::: October 26, 2008, 03:39 AM:

More on the scientifictional-scenario-politics front, following up #13: Now we have a duel.

Focus on the Family Action
(which is separate from Focus on the Family, because Focus on the Family is a charity and not allowed to engage in much lobbying activity) has issued a letter dated 2012 which offers their own outraged vision of the doom that awaits America, should the nation elect Senator Obama. Includes copious footnotes.

A blogger plays the same game, in reply.

#28 ::: Daniel Klein from EUROPE ::: (view all by) ::: October 27, 2008, 11:44 AM:

Bill at 27: This is fascinating. Their doomsday letter reads like a Utopia to me in many ways. Same-sex marriages? Check. Schools being prohibited from teaching religion? Check. No unnecessary wars? Check! If half of these things came to pass, it'd be a blessing not just for America, but for the entire world. Of course the part where they go bat-shit crazy is the predicted consequences of these changes. I don't think I need to explain to anyone (especially not HERE) how hare-brained and silly it is to assume that because terrorists suddenly get court cases there will be dozens of terrorist attacks. Also, Russia occupying Poland? Riiiight. Poland is part of the NATO, and last I checked "an attack on any NATO member shall be treated as an attack on all NATO members", so America would be well within its rights to retaliate, but really, I refuse to believe that even under Czar Putin there is anyone insane enough to even try that. And I'm not even mentioning the likely resistance Poland would put up these days. It's not exactly 1945 anymore...

But again, if we tune out the obviously foaming-at-the-mouth crazy bits, I *love* this doomsday scenario.

Also, when they run out of arguments that at least appear relevant, they start arguing that somehow same-sex marriage will cause... rioting at Barnes and Noble! Awesome! Not just that, the evil, long-haired, young mobs would also stage "a massive nationwide computer attack on Amazon.com" with their calculation machines and their modem telephone tubes! And NATION-wide! Imagine that, computers bridging state barriers. Next thing you know, they'll let computer attackers from Europe into our Internets.

Very amusing :)

#29 ::: Earl Cooley III ::: (view all by) ::: October 27, 2008, 12:32 PM:

Daniel Klein from EUROPE #28: Not just that, the evil, long-haired, young mobs would also stage "a massive nationwide computer attack on Amazon.com" with their calculation machines and their modem telephone tubes!

We already have that: it's called 1-Click Ordering. heh.

#30 ::: Lee ::: (view all by) ::: October 27, 2008, 01:37 PM:

One quick note about the Boy Scouts: apparently there's been a quiet counter-coup, and this organization is no longer the complete tool of the Christianist Right. My Google-fu isn't strong enough to find the tree amid the forest, but they have actually started chartering troops that are not based out of a church.

#31 ::: Marilee ::: (view all by) ::: October 27, 2008, 11:45 PM:

Lee, there's been troops that aren't in churches for a while. They haven't started admitting gays or atheists, though.

#33 ::: marc sobel ::: (view all by) ::: October 29, 2008, 02:09 PM:

May I recommend the winning submission in the Sopranos for Obama competition: Hockey Moma for Obama http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bh9BmNuqeiQ

Libretto:


lyrics by Sandy (obtained via Youtubes message to author)

DON'T SPEAK FOR ME SARAH PALIN!
THE TRUTH IS, I DO NOT LIKE YOU.
MY KID PLAYS HOCKEY, AND I'M HIS MAMA,
BUT I AM VOTING BARACK OBAMA

DON'T SPEAK FOR ME SARAH PALIN!
THE TRUTH IS, I DO NOT LIKE YOU.
WHAT IF McCAIN WERE CHIEF
AND THEN HE DIED-A
YOU'D BE AS SCARY AS THE AL QAIDA

I CANNOT LET IT HAPPEN
THERE MUST BE CHANGE.
CAN'T LET YOU OF ALL RIDICULOUS PEOPLE
BE ONE HEART BEAT AWAY FROM THE HIGHEST POSITION OF LEADERSHIP IN THIS GREAT COUNTRY OF OURS.
SEEING AS YOU CAN'T THINK PAST YOUR OWN RELIGION OR SAY NUCLEAR CORRECTLY FOR THAT MATTER
I DON'T BELIEVE YOU RUNNING AROUND LIKE JOE McCARTHY
ACCUSING PEOPLE OF BEING TERRORISTS BY ASSOCIATION
BECAUSE YOU HAVE NOTHING MORE INTELLIGENT TO SAY THAN
YOU BETCHA, DARN RIGHT, AND DRILL HERE.


DON'T SPEAK FOR ME SARAH PALIN!
YOU DON'T GET THIS GLOBAL CRISIS.
THEY'LL WEAR BIKINIS UP IN ALASKA
AND MEXICO WILL MOVE TO NEBRASKA.

DON'T SPEAK FOR ME SARAH PALIN!
THE TRUTH IS, I DO NOT LIKE YOU.
MY KID PLAYS HOCKEY, AND I WEAR LIPSTICK,
BUT I'M A THINKER, AND YOU'RE A DIPSTICK.

HAVE I SAID TOO MUCH,
I'VE ALREADY LINKED TOGETHER MORE CONSECUTIVE COMPLETE SENTENCES
THAN YOU DID IN YOUR ENTIRE DEBATE.
ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS LOOK AT ME TO KNOW
I DEMAND MORE THAN YOU TO BE MY MAGISTRATE.

DON'T SPEAK FOR ME SARAH PALIN!
THE TRUTH IS, I DO NOT LIKE YOU.
MY KID PLAYS HOCKEY, AND I'M HIS MAMA,
BUT I AM VOTING BARACK OBAMA

#34 ::: Epacris ::: (view all by) ::: October 30, 2008, 03:51 AM:

Hang on. (Lee @30, Marilee @31) All your Scout groups are based in churches!?!?!?
Yes, the scouting movement has an explicitly religious strand, but here I don't think it stops people of non-Christian faiths from joining, and they'll use a Church Hall only for practical, accommodation reasons. (Aussies with Scouting experience pliss comment if I'm wrong.)

That culture is sounding more & more like Mediaeval or Early Modern Europe, with almost everything centred around, based on or related back to The Church. How would you get away to do most anything in your community – maybe guzzle fast food & retail goods? – without it hovering over you? It sounds like you'd be saturated with it growing up. No wonder it still has such an influence.

I'd thought the task of growing a good strong civil secular society was in Third World/developing/less advanced countries. Looks like a big job needs doing there too. Gets very depressing.

#35 ::: Raphael ::: (view all by) ::: October 30, 2008, 07:40 AM:

Epacris @34 That culture is sounding more & more like Mediaeval or Early Modern Europe, with almost everything centred around, based on or related back to The Church.

The main difference is that in the USA, there's no such thing as The Church- there's all kinds of different churches, none of wich (except maybe for the Catholic Church and the LDS Church) can take anything about their own position for granted, or are taken for granted by their members. Some people have argued that this is what kept so many of the protestant churches so uncompromising and influential in the USA, instead of having them go through processes where either large parts of the laity modernised and started to ignore the priesthood, as among Catholics, or large parts of both the laity and the priesthood modernised, as in many extablished and formerly established Protestant churches.

#36 ::: Lila ::: (view all by) ::: October 30, 2008, 12:25 PM:

Epacris @ #34, where I live (Georgia), it is very common for small businesses (plumbers, lawn services, auto body shops) to have the Christian fish on their signs, business cards, etc. to show that they're a Christian business.

#37 ::: R. M. Koske ::: (view all by) ::: October 30, 2008, 12:49 PM:

#36, Lila -

I'm in Georgia too, and I look at those things and wonder if I'd let that influence whether I hired a company or not. I *shouldn't*, because that's discrimination, right? But I find it distasteful. Luckily, as an apartment-dweller, I don't have much need for the kinds of businesses that are most prone to doing it.

#38 ::: P J Evans ::: (view all by) ::: October 30, 2008, 12:51 PM:

#36
In California also. And we have some churches so conservative they don't accept any version of the Bible more recent than the King James version, which they seem to think was written by God Hirself. (The particular one I have in mind talks about how much God and Jesus love us in the fliers they send around, along with telling us where we'll go if we don't follow their rules.)

#39 ::: Janet Croft ::: (view all by) ::: October 30, 2008, 01:58 PM:

Re the "Evita" parody -- I couldn't help thinking of "Rainbow High" when I heard about Sarah's wardrobe...

SARAH:
I don't really think I need
The reasons why I won't succeed
I haven't started!
Let's get this show on the road
Let's make it obvious
Palin, I mean McCain, is off and rolling

SARAH's PERSONAL SHOPPERS:
Eyes! Hair! Mouth! Figure! Dress! Voice! Style!
Movement! Hands! Magic! Rings! Glamour! Face!
Diamonds! Excitement! Diva!

SARAH:
I came from the people
They need to adore me
So Christian Dior me
From my head to my toes
I need to be dazzling
I want to be Maverick High!
They must have excitement
And so must I

SARAH's PERSONAL SHOPPERS:
Eyes! Hair! Mouth! Figure! Dress! Voice! Style! Baby clothes!

SARAH:
I'm their product
It's vital you sell me
So Machiavell-me
Make an Alaskan Rose!
I need to be thrilling
I shall be Maverick High!
They need their escape
And so do I

SARAH's PERSONAL SHOPPERS:
Eyes! Hair! Mouth! Figure! Dress! Voice! Style!
Movement! Hands! Magic! Rings! Glamour! Face!
Diamonds! Rogue! Shotgun!

SARAH:
All my Joe Kegger friends expect me to outshine the enemy - those elite folks from the non-American parts of the country, dontcha know--
I won't disappoint them, you betcha!
I'm their savior!
That's what they call me
So Lauren Bacall me
Anything goes
To make me fantastic
I have to be Maverick High
In magical colors--
You're not decorating a girl for a night on the town!
And I'm not a second-rate queen getting kicks with a crown!
Next stop will be the White House!
The Maverick's gonna tour
Dressed up, somewhere to go
We'll put on a show!
Look out, mighty D.C.!
Because you oughta know what'cha gonna get in me
Just a little touch of
Just a little touch of
Alaska's brand of
Star quality!

#40 ::: Lexica ::: (view all by) ::: October 30, 2008, 03:27 PM:

R.M. Koske @ #37: I've been mulling over the same question. My current thinking is that if a business is putting an ichthys in their ad in hopes that people will choose to patronize their business because they're Christian*... well, I'm not taking my business elsewhere because they're Christian, I'm taking my business elsewhere because they're using you should do business with us because we're Christian as a commercial enticement.

The gap in this reasoning is that I don't know that that's why they're displaying an ichthys. I grew up in the US as someone who is not Christian, however, and my subjective perception is that for my entire life, I've been having Christianity pushed at me not simply as the cultural default, but as The Only Way To Be A Moral Person (everybody knows that if you don't believe in a Skyfather god who will punish you for misbehaving, you're utterly without moral compass and probably like microwaving puppies in your spare time). My antibodies may be a little overactive — I recognize this.

*If the business itself is Christian or religious, having a fish in the ad feels different to me. If I see an ichthys in the yellow pages ad for (for example) Western Bible & Tract Co., I don't feel manipulated in the same way as when I see an ichthys in a yellow pages ad for (for example) a roofer, or a pizza place.

#41 ::: R. M. Koske ::: (view all by) ::: October 30, 2008, 04:42 PM:

#40, Lexica -

Yes. After I posted, I thought about it and realized my objection isn't to the fact that they're Christian, it's that (it seems) they think that should be an important factor in my decision-making.

We can't know their motives, and they may be including the symbol as a joyous celebration and acknowledgment of the role of Christianity in their life. Sadly, I don't trust that interpretation to be the correct one, and I'll go elsewhere so I don't have to wonder.

#42 ::: Lee ::: (view all by) ::: October 30, 2008, 06:05 PM:

Lixica, R.M. Koske, #40-41: That's what we call "fish on the business card" advertising, and it bothers me just as much when it's a non-Christian symbol, for exactly the reasons noted -- it's using something not related to the business as a form of advertisement. And yes, it's different when the business itself is religion-related, such as a Christian bookstore. (Mini-rant: what I don't like about many Christian bookstores is their tendency to label themselves "FAMILY bookstores". As if you can't take your family to Barnes & Noble... but I digress.)

My partner's experience with such places is much more extensive than mine, thanks to his background in retail and auto mechanics. And he says that almost without exception, the places that used Christian iconography in their advertising had overpriced products, poor customer service, or both. It appears that this tactic has been latched onto by a lot of shady types as a sure-fire way of attracting marks who either won't know better or won't complain because they simply can't believe that a "fellow Christian" would be cheating them.

Hence our bumper sticker that says, "Remember when this (ichthys) wasn't a warning label?"

#43 ::: Lila ::: (view all by) ::: October 30, 2008, 07:19 PM:

Lexica, R.M., and Lee: Yes. Yes. And yes.

#44 ::: Juli Thompson ::: (view all by) ::: October 30, 2008, 07:25 PM:

Epacris @34:

Boy Scouts.

I'm a Girl Scout leader, and we aren't nearly as doctinaire. You can earn patches in religious topics, but it isn't required. The Girl Scout Promise contains the phrase "to serve God* and my country" *The word "God" can be interpreted in a number of ways, depending on one's spiritual beliefs. When reciting the Girl Scout Promise, it is okay to replace the word "God" with whatever word your spiritual beliefs dictate.(Yes, the footnote is official.)

One of the things that I mention to parents at the first meeting is that we can change the promise, and do it in such a way that the girl is not made to stand out from her peers. (I have 7-9 year olds. They hate to stand out.)

In leader training, we also had a segment on how Muslim beliefs affect scouting - everything from how to have a swim party while observing Islamic modesty to how to make sure that the food is acceptable.

So, no, not all Scout troops are church based, or Christianist.

#45 ::: Susie Lorand ::: (view all by) ::: October 30, 2008, 10:38 PM:

Has it been mentioned yet on these pages that Barack Obama is actually Irish?

#46 ::: geekosaur ::: (view all by) ::: October 30, 2008, 11:56 PM:

Juli Thompson @44:
As opposed to Jewish modesty? (There's not a whole lot of difference between Orthodox tznius and the Islamic version. Treating the Islamic version specially would be odd.)

#47 ::: Marilee ::: (view all by) ::: October 31, 2008, 01:35 AM:

Epacris, #34, it was never required that churches sponsor Scouts, but in many areas, it was the churches that did. (Fundamentalist churches usually have their own scout-type groups.) The US Boy Scouts have always banned atheists and gays, and used to ban people of color.

Lila, #36, here in NoVA, too, and R.M., #37, I do avoid businesses with fish. My reasoning is that they put that on their ads and such in order to draw in Christian clients. So they don't want to draw me in. Their choice.

#48 ::: Earl Cooley III ::: (view all by) ::: October 31, 2008, 03:15 AM:

I attribute the decline of the BSA to when they switched to wearing red berets a few decades ago.

#49 ::: Lila ::: (view all by) ::: October 31, 2008, 08:36 AM:

Marilee, I'm a Christian, and I don't do business with them either. Jesus was famously hard on those who commercialized religion.

#50 ::: ajay ::: (view all by) ::: October 31, 2008, 11:31 AM:

The Girl Scout Promise contains the phrase "to serve God* and my country" *The word "God" can be interpreted in a number of ways, depending on one's spiritual beliefs. When reciting the Girl Scout Promise, it is okay to replace the word "God" with whatever word your spiritual beliefs dictate.(Yes, the footnote is official.)

Sounds like the oath of the Ankh-Morpork City Watch. "I comma insert recruits name comma of my own free will do folemnly fwear to uphold the Laws and Ordinances..."

#51 ::: P J Evans ::: (view all by) ::: October 31, 2008, 11:52 AM:

#42
I drive carefully around vehicles with Xtian fish or doves. They tend to be driven as if G-d were their insurance company, with a non-cancellable policy.
I also try to avoid non-religious businesses with prominent display of religious symbols. I suspect they prefer not having the business of people who believe differently than they do.

#52 ::: Lee ::: (view all by) ::: October 31, 2008, 12:00 PM:

P J Evans, #51: That, too; I feel as though they're overtly telling me, "We don't want you as a customer." This goes double for places that play Christian music on their soundtrack system. (Christmas carols, in season, don't bug me in the same way, though they may bug me in other ways.)

#53 ::: joann ::: (view all by) ::: October 31, 2008, 12:16 PM:

We had occasion to go into a Family Christian Store recently. (Yes, that was the actual name of the business chain.) I definitely felt as though I were in disguise making a tour of the Kaaba or similar; the differences between one of these and your average cathedral bookshop (Anglican *or* Catholic) is, umm, striking, from the large display of Thomas Kinkade tchotchkes and prints to the kiosk/display next the counter hawking the realtime DVD filtering system. The real killer for me was the endcap full of Narnia action figures, all from the _Prince Caspian_ movie, all catapults and other war engines. Somehow they had managed to forget Aslan and any humans or human surrogates.

Checking out was rather odd, too. My husband was handling the transaction, and in the interests of not breaking our cover too badly, agreed to sign up for the discount card. This required the inscription of his name and telephone number into some database or other. Unfortunately, he shares all but his middle initial with an all-too-well-known and highly prolific inerrantist theologian and preacher of the 19th c. Much time was wasted while the clerk accused him of giving a false name.

After we got out the door, we each took a deep breath and started muttering about surrealism in action.

#54 ::: Janet Croft ::: (view all by) ::: October 31, 2008, 02:37 PM:

P.J Evans @51, I've noticed they seem to be the folks who practice tailgating and whip-around passing in no-passing zones more than anyone else. Or maybe they're just more offended by my Impeach Bush bumper sticker... But they do seem to think that they can pass on a hill and count on no one coming over the ridge ahead, thus wilfully ignoring the implications of my Darwin Fish bumper decoration.

#55 ::: P J Evans ::: (view all by) ::: October 31, 2008, 02:45 PM:

Janet, add to that the kids bouncing around in the back seat (frequently in a van or an SUV) as Mommy drives 10-15 miles-per-hour over the posted speed limit, possibly also with a cell phone glued to her ear.

#56 ::: Bill Higgins-- Beam Jockey ::: (view all by) ::: October 31, 2008, 05:34 PM:

I wish to stick up for the practice of patronizing merchants who advertise in the parish bulletin. They're willing to support my church, and I am willing to give them my business.

Barring evidence of incompetence, when my toilet acts up, I will continue to call a Catholic.

#57 ::: P J Evans ::: (view all by) ::: October 31, 2008, 05:39 PM:

Bill, that's a little different - presumably those are run by people you know reasonably well.

The ones I'm objecting to are doing their advertising in the phonebook or on their vehicles; that is, in public.

#58 ::: geekosaur ::: (view all by) ::: October 31, 2008, 08:42 PM:

Before the insane took over religion, there was an apropos bumper sticker: "Don't drive faster than your guardian angel can fly." An awful lot of "ΙΧΘΥΣ" types need to become reacquainted with it. (And, P J Evans @55, "possibly"? Almost invariably in my experience.)

#59 ::: Earl Cooley III ::: (view all by) ::: October 31, 2008, 09:15 PM:

It's hard to beat this bumper sticker for religious arrogance: "In case of rapture, this vehicle will be unmanned".

#60 ::: Epacris ::: (view all by) ::: November 01, 2008, 01:30 AM:

Earl @59, tho' the word "unmanned" does have some ambiguity …

#61 ::: elise ::: (view all by) ::: November 01, 2008, 02:03 AM:

The fundie Lutheran sect I grew up in forbade us Scouting, on the grounds that it mentioned God in the company of people Not Of Our Church, and therefore was promoting ecumenism, which was right out.

On the "ΙΧΘΥΣ" sign or business card issue, well... I once bought a jar of honey from a Pagan honey farm who had a booth at a Pagan food-and-craft show, and once I got it home I realized that on the attached card it said, "We charge the Xtians more, and pass the savings along to you!" It definitely made me blink.

#62 ::: Nicole J. LeBoeuf-Little ::: (view all by) ::: November 01, 2008, 03:00 PM:

I once bought a jar of honey from a Pagan honey farm who had a booth at a Pagan food-and-craft show, and once I got it home I realized that on the attached card it said, "We charge the Xtians more, and pass the savings along to you!" It definitely made me blink.

That's terrible. If I could find my tongue in time to equip it with sufficient communication skills after a shock like that, I'd be chewing them out for being a HORRIBLE representative of my faith. A more apt example of "get off my side, you make my side look stupid!" is not coming to mind at all.

Bilking the unbeliever is not a pretty practice, and bragging about it just ups the ugly. I'm ashamed for these people.

#63 ::: Earl Cooley III ::: (view all by) ::: November 01, 2008, 04:08 PM:

Epacris #60: tho' the word "unmanned" does have some ambiguity

So, how do you castrate an SUV anyway? Ah, here we go: Amend the Energy Policy and Conservation Act (fuel economy standards), and the Clean Air Act (emissions standards) to reclassify SUVs as passenger vehicles instead of light trucks. That should do nicely.

#64 ::: Juli Thompson ::: (view all by) ::: November 01, 2008, 06:13 PM:

geekosaur @46:

As opposed to everyday secular American cultural modesty. (I'm trying to word that so it doesn't sound like Moslems aren't American. Did I succeed?) In general, I wouldn't have thought about whether the girls were in any way visible to men when planning a pool party. That turns out to be the biggest issue for Islamic girls wanting to go swimming. So we can swim at a private pool where male members of the household are absent, or at an indoor public pool we have hired with the stipulation that no male employees be present. (Actually, none of my girls are Muslim so this isn't an issue for us. My larger point was the Girl Scouts insists that appropriate accommodation be made to non-Christian religious concerns in a way that doesn't single out the non-Christian girl.)

This was mentioned specifically in the context of the large number of Somali and other east African immigrants we've had recently. I know there is a significant Jewish population here, but I don't know if they don't join the Girl Scouts or if they aren't as frequently Orthodox or what. In any case, specifically Jewish concerns weren't mentioned.

#65 ::: Lila ::: (view all by) ::: November 01, 2008, 06:20 PM:

Earl @ #63: So how do you castrate an SUV, anyway?

Aren't you sorry you asked?

(Yes, they have those around here too. I never see them without wishing for a pair of bolt cutters.)

#66 ::: Ginger ::: (view all by) ::: November 01, 2008, 08:37 PM:

Lila @ 65 (and Earl @ 63): You don't need bolt cutters. There's a device known as the Elastrator that has been used in farm animals.

I only ever used a Burdizzo, to "pinch" the calves. However, for the free-ranging SUV, you might want to go with the castration knife.

Or is that all TMI?

Anyway, whenever I see those auticles, I have the same innate response. First of all, they're not big enough for the "animal" and secondly, we can't be having intact males running around like that. We'd end up with hordes of wild SUVs in no time at all. People, please remember to spay and neuter your SUVs, and drive responsibly!

#67 ::: Marilee ::: (view all by) ::: November 02, 2008, 01:12 AM:

Lila, #65, we used to have a lot more of those around. I don't know if the guys were shamed and took them off or what.

#68 ::: Earl Cooley III ::: (view all by) ::: November 02, 2008, 01:23 AM:

Ginger #66: Or is that all TMI?

No, no, I suppose I deserved that for bringing it up. I clicked all the links, so I hope my punishment is mostly complete. I should thank my lucky stars that Making Light doesn't have the tradition of "poop threads" like some other less civilized online venues do.

#69 ::: John Houghton ::: (view all by) ::: November 02, 2008, 08:58 AM:

Ginger @66:
Hmmm... I didn't realize that I could get new desk toys that cheap. Boy, will curiosity kill (or at least gross out) the cat!

#70 ::: Ginger ::: (view all by) ::: November 02, 2008, 05:59 PM:

Earl @ 68: At least I linked only to the instruments themselves, and not to intraoperative photos, as it were.

John @ 69: The cat? Male cats need no instrumentation other than a scalpel blade. It's the simplest surgery, except the vasectomy.

#71 ::: Serge ::: (view all by) ::: November 02, 2008, 06:09 PM:

Ginger @ 27... Male cats need no nstrumentation other than a scalpel blade

Eek.

#72 ::: John Houghton ::: (view all by) ::: November 02, 2008, 07:00 PM:

The "curious cats"* I was referring to were co-workers intrigued by the various odd things that appear on my desk.

Cat vasectomies†? No breeding capability but all the hormonal activities? No thanks.

*Note to self, avoid "close confusers" — don't use animal metaphors to refer to people in a discussion about animals.
†My Urologist has a "no-scalpel vasectomy" sign on the registration desk. I asked if the alternative was hammer-and-chisel? (I actually knew at least one of the alternative methods. Of course, what is needed (since men are wimps) is a non-invasive method).

#73 ::: Ginger ::: (view all by) ::: November 02, 2008, 10:14 PM:

Serge @ 71: Imagine, if you will, my evil grin.

John @ 72: Ah, no, the vasectomies are for another species. Nonhuman primates (NHP) are vasectomized as they are pair-housed and we don't need more monkeys. The human no-scalpel vasectomy technique still requires a small incision. It's not applicable to NHP since the anatomy is slightly different.

All other males are castrated species are not vasectomized because we do want to remove those hormones.

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