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October 28, 2008

The Huntress
Posted by Jim Macdonald at 03:40 PM * 49 comments

Allow me to present Manchester New Hampshire’s professional ghost hunter, CC The Huntress (Warning: Seriously broken HTML—only works in MSIE, and then badly).

CC, AKA CC Carole, “gives you 100% REAL 100% RAW 100% of the TIME.” That is, on her Paranormal Talk Show where CC goes around healing ghosts and similar such things. This is another strain of American Folk Magic (see “The religious right, gone barking mad,” below.)

The best thing about CC is that she sells stuff. For example, her Spirit Pack.

The Spirit Pack includes.

1 Black unisex fanny pack.
2oz of Black salt spray. (to eliminate negative energy / spirits)
2oz of White sage spray. (to calm the area…making it easier for a spirit to come forward)
2oz of blessed Holy Water. (if you feel you need extra protection)
1 Disposable camera with flash.
Pad and pencil (for notes during your investigation)
And lots of room for all your ghost equipment.
Also step by step instructions for use of each item.
The Spirit Pack is a must have for the amateur and serious paranormal hunter.
It is filled with the exact applications “CC The Huntress” uses on her show and her investigation to communicate with the spirit world.
Cost $25

Were this Boing Boing, and therefore a directory of wonderful things, I’d call this a wonderful thing. But this Making Light, not Boing Boing, and so … well, it’s wonderful anyway.

Comments on The Huntress:
#1 ::: ajay ::: (view all by) ::: October 28, 2008, 03:55 PM:

You realise, of course, that in a world where ghosts actually existed, that would be YOU.

#2 ::: John Houghton ::: (view all by) ::: October 28, 2008, 04:07 PM:

Nonsense!

Jim's ghost go-bag would be much more complete.

#3 ::: Jordan Summers ::: (view all by) ::: October 28, 2008, 04:28 PM:

She 'heals' ghosts..? Scratches head. Ghosts are dead, right?

#4 ::: Clifton Royston ::: (view all by) ::: October 28, 2008, 04:32 PM:

Yes, but they'll be healthily and zestfully dead!

#5 ::: Jordan Summers ::: (view all by) ::: October 28, 2008, 04:33 PM:

Clifton, LOL! Well that's all that counts. *g*

#6 ::: Debbie ::: (view all by) ::: October 28, 2008, 05:37 PM:

The Zestful Dead...weren't they a group once?

#7 ::: Serge ::: (view all by) ::: October 28, 2008, 05:37 PM:

One disposable camera with flash?

#8 ::: Serge ::: (view all by) ::: October 28, 2008, 05:39 PM:

Isn't it... ah... overkill for Holy Water to be blessed?

#9 ::: Tim Hall ::: (view all by) ::: October 28, 2008, 05:42 PM:

I want one of those nuclear accelerators out of Ghostbusters!

#10 ::: Christopher Davis ::: (view all by) ::: October 28, 2008, 05:53 PM:

What, no references yet to Tanith Lee's Kill the Dead, complete with the hero "Parl Dro" whose description just happens to match that of the actor Paul Darrow?

#11 ::: Tim Walters ::: (view all by) ::: October 28, 2008, 05:54 PM:

Little Flecks Of Foam Around Barking by the Chrysanthemums is one of my favorite records, and a bit mad, albeit in an English-eccentric rather than religious-right way.

#12 ::: Evan Goer ::: (view all by) ::: October 28, 2008, 05:55 PM:

Serge -- well, the regular kind only does 2d4 HP of damage (or 1 HP on a splash). Professionals should go with the really good stuff.

#13 ::: Tim Walters ::: (view all by) ::: October 28, 2008, 05:55 PM:

Ack, sorry, wrong thread.

#14 ::: Bill Higgins-- Beam Jockey ::: (view all by) ::: October 28, 2008, 06:29 PM:

In #9, Tim Hall writes:

I want one of those nuclear accelerators out of Ghostbusters!

Trust me-- they're more trouble than they're worth.

#15 ::: Serge ::: (view all by) ::: October 28, 2008, 06:36 PM:

van Helsing's stake-shooting Gatlin might be handy.

#16 ::: Clifton Royston ::: (view all by) ::: October 28, 2008, 06:51 PM:

Christopher: Parl Dro is modelled on an actor? I had no idea. (I liked Kill the Dead. It was quite odd.)

But in any case, killing the dead would presumably be unhealthy for them, and we want only happy healthy ghosts. Perhaps she can get them started on a nightly workout regime.

#17 ::: Earl Cooley III ::: (view all by) ::: October 28, 2008, 07:05 PM:

It appears that many of the eccentricities of the web site design can be attributed to hand waving with FrontPage.

#18 ::: ajay ::: (view all by) ::: October 28, 2008, 07:38 PM:

But in any case, killing the dead would presumably be unhealthy for them, and we want only happy healthy ghosts. Perhaps she can get them started on a nightly workout regime.

You mean an exorcise plan?

#19 ::: Tazistan Jen ::: (view all by) ::: October 28, 2008, 07:42 PM:

I don't think I have ever seen a website with four (4) blocks of text all overrunning each other. Each in a different color.

#20 ::: Erik Nelson ::: (view all by) ::: October 28, 2008, 07:56 PM:

walking up and down creaky Stairmasters?

#21 ::: MichaelC ::: (view all by) ::: October 28, 2008, 08:00 PM:

Of course it only works in IE--it was generated by that wonderful standards-compliant program, Microsoft FrontPage 4.0, which dates back to the last century. Talk about scary!

#22 ::: annalee flower horne ::: (view all by) ::: October 28, 2008, 08:32 PM:

I would like to see the "step by step instructions" for use of a pad and pencil.

#23 ::: Allan Beatty ::: (view all by) ::: October 28, 2008, 08:54 PM:

It looked okay was possible to read all the text in Opera with no trouble, but then I have Javascript turned off.

She looks like my sister-out-law before she puts on her Halloween costume.

#24 ::: Paula Helm Murray ::: (view all by) ::: October 28, 2008, 09:01 PM:

Gee, just when I thought I could not find a more stupid example of what we call "ooga booga' or 'woo' shit in my house, you had to find that special gal.

And the site sort of worked in Safari... sorta.


#25 ::: James D. Macdonald ::: (view all by) ::: October 28, 2008, 09:21 PM:

You speak truer than you know about exercising the dead. Before she became a ghost hunter, CC was best known for her "Lean-n-Clean" video, wherein she combined housework with exercise so that housewives could ... well, you get the idea.

#26 ::: Terry Karney ::: (view all by) ::: October 28, 2008, 10:56 PM:

I suspect the "healing" of the ghosts is to make them want to, "move on" since they are, certainly, lingering because of some unresolved emotional trauma.

Pity I have morals, I suspect there's a modest living to be made from such shenannigans.

#27 ::: Kimberly ::: (view all by) ::: October 28, 2008, 11:07 PM:

Annalee @22: Working from a burst of inspiration here...

Directions for Use of Pencil and Paper:

1. Place paper on a flat horizontal surface.
2. Grip pencil in dominant hand. If you do not know which hand is dominant, facepalm, then grip pencil in the hand you used to facepalm.
3. Sharpen pencil. You should see a trail of wooden shavings coming from the sharpener. If you see a trail of rubber bits, remove and reverse the pencil. If you have accidentally sharpened your own finger, seek immediate medical attention order our special blessed bandages! $10 for a pack of 5! Guaranteed protection against phantom platelets!
4. Apply sharpened tip to paper. (If you sharpened the eraser in step 3, make sure it's the gray pointy end.) If you can't write, well, we can't help you there.

#28 ::: Paula Lieberman ::: (view all by) ::: October 28, 2008, 11:39 PM:

Cum sanctu spiritu...

#29 ::: Marilee ::: (view all by) ::: October 29, 2008, 12:02 AM:

Terry, #26, I know exactly how you feel. When I managed OMNI's boards on AOL, our Antimatter (paranormal) board was full of people who talked at length about what they believed. I could have written a book that would have sold well, but I have scruples.

#30 ::: Bruce Cohen (SpeakerToManagers) ::: (view all by) ::: October 29, 2008, 01:49 AM:

Bill Higgins @ 14

Trust me-- they're more trouble than they're worth.

And God won't help you if you cross the beams. She hates it when you destroy the universe.

#31 ::: Bruce Cohen (SpeakerToManagers) ::: (view all by) ::: October 29, 2008, 02:00 AM:

Sanus phasmatis non in puter somes.

#32 ::: Tom Whitmore ::: (view all by) ::: October 29, 2008, 03:02 AM:

I like her saying that the leaders of my religion believe in the spirit world, so why don't I?

As a devout agnostic, I don't have leaders in my religion. I'm agnostic about them, too.

#33 ::: geekosaur ::: (view all by) ::: October 29, 2008, 04:18 AM:

Serge @8:
I think the word you're looking for is "redundant".

Clifton Royston @16:
For whatever reason I'm imagining the Old Gumbie cat turning the cockroches into a Boy Scout troop....

#34 ::: Fragano Ledgister ::: (view all by) ::: October 29, 2008, 07:03 AM:

"100% real 100% raw"

But what if I want my ghosts cooked?

#35 ::: Tlönista ::: (view all by) ::: October 29, 2008, 08:08 AM:
100% REAL 100% RAW 100% of the TIME

Wall-to-wall, hardcore exorcist action?

#36 ::: Bruce Cohen (SpeakerToManagers) ::: (view all by) ::: October 29, 2008, 10:53 AM:

Tlönista @ 35

ghost-on-ghost action!

#37 ::: pericat ::: (view all by) ::: October 29, 2008, 10:39 PM:

CC is totally vice-presidential material. All she has to do to cinch a nomination is kill a moose by proxy and a wolf by air.

#38 ::: Aquila ::: (view all by) ::: October 30, 2008, 05:30 AM:

1 Black unisex fanny pack
So it's possible to get bumbags that are gendered?

#39 ::: sara_k ::: (view all by) ::: October 30, 2008, 07:31 AM:

Aquila #38:

A gender specific bumbag would have the saying "Girls rule; boys drool" printed on it.

#40 ::: abi ::: (view all by) ::: October 30, 2008, 11:44 AM:

Aquila @38:

In British dialect at least, a fanny pack is implicitly gendered, since men haven't a fanny to hang it near.

#41 ::: Don Fitch ::: (view all by) ::: October 30, 2008, 11:46 AM:

Gee, the site worked perfectly (allbeit loading with agonizing slowness) for me, in IE v.5 for Mac. Not that looking at it wasn't a waste of time, mind you -- although it was a nostalgic reminder of the pre-computer-era chain-letter scams for Making Money At Home.

#42 ::: edward oleander ::: (view all by) ::: October 30, 2008, 12:09 PM:

CC looks like what I would imagine porn star Savannah would have looked like had she lived this long. RIP Shannon...

#43 ::: David Harmon ::: (view all by) ::: October 30, 2008, 12:59 PM:

Abi @#40: I once took a Green Tortoise tour across the country, with a busload of British and European au pairs. I learned very quickly to call it a "bum bag".

#44 ::: Wesley ::: (view all by) ::: October 30, 2008, 06:07 PM:

More supernatural marketing: The New York Times just published an article on "supernatural cleaning methods." Near the end we hear from a store owner who recommends only organic sage--coincidentally in stock at the low price of $9--for cleansing your house of spirits.

I guess ghosts are sensitive to pesticides.

#45 ::: Mary Dell ::: (view all by) ::: October 30, 2008, 07:55 PM:

abi #40: LOL @ that interpretation of "fanny pack." Most everyone wears it in the front, come to think of it. Maybe there should be manny packs and tranny packs to keep everything equitable.

#46 ::: Neil Willcox ::: (view all by) ::: October 30, 2008, 08:28 PM:

Now that I can finally read the words "unisex fanny pack" with a straight face*, I've been able to think about this. I'm slightly disappointed. It seems to me that sending untrained civilians out with spirit packs is a surefire way to cause injury to both ghosts and the living, or at the very least make everything smell of sage. Clearly we need a course and certification in their use. An expensive in-depth course and a really nice certificate.

(Considers homemade spirit pack for Christmas present)

* So far as people reading this can tell anyway

#47 ::: Rob Rusick ::: (view all by) ::: October 30, 2008, 09:27 PM:

Wesley @44: I guess ghosts are sensitive to pesticides.

It's odd, too. If the ghosts are sensitive to pesticides, if anything, the non-organic stuff should drive them away better. It suggests a whole new second-market application for RAID, which in turn could lead to another set of fun animations (except nothing gets killed and turned into a lily-holding shade, because the pests are already dead).

#48 ::: Rob Rusick ::: (view all by) ::: October 30, 2008, 09:31 PM:

Rob Rusick @47: [..] except nothing gets killed and turned into a lily-holding shade [..]

I was forgetting the living, which are breathing in the stuff.

#49 ::: ajay ::: (view all by) ::: October 31, 2008, 12:25 PM:

If the ghosts are sensitive to pesticides, if anything, the non-organic stuff should drive them away better.

Reminds me of Kim Philby, in Tim Powers' "Declare", warding off the djinn by drinking half-and-half neat gin and Flit insecticide.

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