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March 20, 2012

That’s Why They Got CSI in Georgia
Posted by Jim Macdonald at 03:30 PM * 13 comments

The Night The Lights Went Out in Georgia

The call came in at a quarter past four
Sheriff said “We’ve got a corpse on the floor
We just got done informing the next of kin.
The perp had a smoking gun in his hand
And he’d made threats against the man
But protocol says we have to call you in.”

That’s why they’ve got CSI in Georgia
So no one’s gonna hang an innocent man,
Don’t trust a thing you can’t photograph or measure
The guy in the vest’s got a vial of blood in his hand.

Time of death as like as not
Was an hour before you heard the shot
And that’s not the only thing that the M.E. found
The bullet in the corpse don’t match the gun
The thing I’m tryin’ to tell you, son,
Since when does a thirty-eight shoot a twenty-two round?

Two sets of footprints on the track
Two went down and one came back
And the earlier set was the one that went away.
Rain stopped fallin’ at a quarter past ten
So the prints were made some time past then
We got us a time-frame lookin’ for foul play.

The Amos boy is small and slight
Find out where he was last night
If the tracks aren’t his then we got to find out whose.
I looked at the stride an’ it don’t seem right
Depth of impression means it’s someone light
Could be a woman wearin’ a pair of man’s shoes.

That’s why they’ve got CSI in Georgia
So no one’s gonna hang an innocent man,
Don’t trust a thing you can’t photograph or measure
The guy in the vest’s got a vial of blood in his hand.

The wife is nowhere to be found
Don’t just stand there, look around
And track down everything the evidence shows.
I don’t believe that wifey’s left town
Even if no one’s seen her around
‘Cause she didn’t take her cash or her keys or clothes.

That’s why they’ve got CSI in Georgia
So no one’s gonna hang an innocent man,
Don’t trust a thing you can’t photograph or measure
The guy in the vest’s got a vial of blood in his hand.
Comments on That's Why They Got CSI in Georgia:
#1 ::: Jo MacQueen ::: (view all by) ::: March 20, 2012, 06:20 PM:

*applause*

#2 ::: Lila ::: (view all by) ::: March 20, 2012, 07:11 PM:

*whistles and foot stomps*

That song has always pissed me off. Thanks!

#3 ::: Gar Lipow ::: (view all by) ::: March 20, 2012, 07:15 PM:

Funny, but current events turn what would be a roar of laughter into s small chuckle for me. Not tasteless or offensive or anything, just a bit harder to laugh long and loud at.

#4 ::: Jim Macdonald ::: (view all by) ::: March 20, 2012, 08:44 PM:

I'd originally wanted to take this out to the point where our fearless investigators find out-of-area mud on little sister's pickup truck, and follow it out to a shallow grave in the woods -- but that would make it an Entirely Too Long:

...If you don't like my song
I'll hit you with a Robin Hood
That's fifty stanzas long...
#5 ::: David Harmon ::: (view all by) ::: March 20, 2012, 10:00 PM:

Jim Macdonald #4: follow it out to a shallow grave in the woods

Hmm. "That's one grave that'll never be found" makes it sound like it might not be that easy. (But other traces might well be informative.)

The real key, of course, is that CSI is actively looking at the scene and trying to figure out what happened, instead of just a sheriff saying "why'd you do it".

#6 ::: Jim Macdonald ::: (view all by) ::: March 20, 2012, 10:28 PM:

Lila #2:

Like you, this song has always pissed me off. Little sister blames the lawyer instead of herself? She was the one who pulled the trigger. And nothing stopped her from having a Perry Mason Moment in court, leaping to her feet and confessing.

Same deal with the Long Black Veil. Instead of walking the hills in a long black veil, the chick could have leapt to her feet and said, "Alibi, he haz one."

#7 ::: Lila ::: (view all by) ::: March 20, 2012, 11:01 PM:

Jim: yes, but Long Black Veil has a better tune. It also had the advantage of being sung by (among others) Bill Monroe.

Moreover, I find that the fact that the protagonist of LBV died to protect a worthless woman* simply adds poignancy; not so the fact that the dude in "Georgia" died because his sister was an idiot psychopath.

(Tangent: the other day I was eating in the local hip townie barbecue place--srsly, they have BBQ tofu and they carry Blenheim's Red--and lo, they had Johnny Cash singing "Ghost Riders in the Sky". Made my day, that did.)

*for those who don't know the song, I allege that this particular woman was worthless, not women in general!

#8 ::: Paul A. ::: (view all by) ::: March 21, 2012, 11:29 AM:

These days, whenever "Long Black Veil" is mentioned, I remember someone at Mudcat Cafe musing that if the guy didn't do it because he was with his best friend's wife, maybe the cops ought to be asking where the best friend was at the time.

#9 ::: Lori Coulson ::: (view all by) ::: March 21, 2012, 04:06 PM:

I believe the line goes:

"His cheatin' wife had never left town,
and that's one body that'll never be found..."

Two words: pig farm...

#10 ::: Lenora Rose ::: (view all by) ::: March 22, 2012, 01:53 PM:

Jim Macdonald @ 6: Since the lyrics say "They hung my brother before I could say..." I figure little sister was still dealing with the first body while they did a one-day kangaroo "trial", so no Perry Mason moment. (And an even more valid argument for CSI).

But what irks me in the song is, had he not been caught and blamed for the shooting? Imagine the conversation between the siblings:

Sis: hey, while you were out of town, your skanky wife cheated on you with your best friend. Oh, and some other guy.
Brother: That lying cheating scum! (etc)
Sis: But it's okay. I already murdered both her and your ex best friend for you. Wasn't that sweet of me?
Brother: ...

#11 ::: Bruce E. Durocher II ::: (view all by) ::: March 24, 2012, 02:19 AM:

Let's look on the bright side: since it takes place in Georgia we know nobody was on the banks of the Ohio.

...or "the West Texas town of El Paso" to cite another one that truly grinds my gears. Assuming she's one in a million, there are at least a thousand of her in China--two thousand if you include India. Dude, consider the life-extending virtues of world travel!

#12 ::: Sandy B. ::: (view all by) ::: March 24, 2012, 03:59 PM:

I just had an extended moment of confusion: turns out I was thinking of "The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down."

#13 ::: Jim Macdonald ::: (view all by) ::: March 24, 2012, 04:42 PM:

Virgil Caine is my name
And I serve up the roadhouse beer
Then a long-haul trucker came
'Cause he lived some place 'round here.
Sat down in the corner with Wo'
What they talked about I don't know,
Then old Wo' yelled, "Tell you what,
Your pretty bride ain't nothin' but a slut!"


The night that Wo' got shot in town
Yeah we had a slayin'
The night that Wo' got shot in town
And all the people were sayin'
They said "Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na...."

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