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October 6, 2009

One year
Posted by Patrick at 06:59 PM * 32 comments

Today is the one-year anniversary of our friend Soren (Scraps) de Selby’s disabling stroke. It’s been a long way back. His speech is still impaired and his right hand and arm are still almost entirely useless (and he’s right-handed), but he’s still with us and we’re glad of that.

As a freelancer he was, of course, entirely uninsured, and things like Medicaid cover only so much. Friends who wish to donate to the Scraps Reassembly Trust, a trust constituted under the laws of the State of New York, can do so via PayPal here do so via the following ugly button, which we have to feature because PayPal sucks and we’re stuck behind incredibly bad connectivity on Martha’s Vineyard; it’s taken me over an hour, on the busiest day of Viable Paradise, to sort out this non-functional link.

Comments on One year:
#1 ::: Rob Thornton ::: (view all by) ::: October 06, 2009, 07:38 PM:

Tried the donation link twice and it did not work.

#2 ::: Allan Beatty ::: (view all by) ::: October 06, 2009, 08:11 PM:

Is there a payment method for those who don't trust Paypal?

#3 ::: Harriet Culver ::: (view all by) ::: October 06, 2009, 09:02 PM:

Until PNH gets a chance to fix the problem, there is a working Donate button over at

http://www.deselbybowen.com/parlando/

#4 ::: Patrick Nielsen Hayden ::: (view all by) ::: October 06, 2009, 11:31 PM:

I believe I have fixed the problem. I'm ready to kill everyone.

#5 ::: Harriet Culver ::: (view all by) ::: October 06, 2009, 11:36 PM:

What a blessing that you weren't all off at VP this time last year!

#6 ::: Serge ::: (view all by) ::: October 07, 2009, 12:52 AM:

Like Allan Beatty said... Is there a non-PayPal way of contributing?

#7 ::: Avram ::: (view all by) ::: October 07, 2009, 01:13 AM:

Allan, what's the issue involved with trusting PayPal?

I can understand people who don't want to expose their bank accounts to PayPal -- that's clearly risky. But you can also (as I have) set PayPal to work by charging your credit card, which means you benefit from whatever fraud protection your credit card has.

If you don't have a credit card, OK, I wouldn't use PayPal under those conditions.

#8 ::: John D. Berry ::: (view all by) ::: October 07, 2009, 03:27 AM:

"...but he’s still with us and we’re glad of that." So am I. Happy anniversary, Scraps! Yes, I know it's an ambiguous happiness, but you're around to ambiguate.

A perverse part of me is pleased to hear that the connectivity is lousy on Martha's Vineyard. Another part says, "Hey, how come they can't get this right?" Both parts remember that they grew up on the island (well, summers anyway) when you could barely get AM radio stations -- WBZ from Boston, a New Bedford station, and late at night maybe WABC and *maybe* WOR from New York with Jean Shepherd's show, if you had a whole lot of antenna wire wrapped around your room.

John

#9 ::: John Stanning ::: (view all by) ::: October 07, 2009, 05:17 AM:

I don’t have a Paypal account.  When Paypal first started I looked at it and thought, “No way, José!” and have never felt the lack of it.  I agree with Avram, I don’t want to expose my bank account, and the problem with letting Paypal charge my credit card is that in the UK (where I am) you can’t cancel such an open-ended authority to charge a credit card, even by cancelling the card account entirely – you can only tell the outfit that’s charging your card to stop, and if it doesn’t, you must prove to the card company that the charges are fraudulent.  No. doubt things mostly go well with Paypal nowadays, but I don’t need to take the risk.

#10 ::: Patrick Nielsen Hayden ::: (view all by) ::: October 07, 2009, 08:01 AM:

Anyone who wants to contribute without using PayPal can send me a check made out to "Scraps Reassembly Trust." Email me at pnh@panix.com and I'll give you our street address. (Which isn't a state secret, but we try to avoid posting it to the site.) Thanks!

#11 ::: Caroline ::: (view all by) ::: October 07, 2009, 08:30 AM:

Done.

Patrick, thank you for spending the time and frustration to fix the link. I hope that VP is going well.

#12 ::: Velma ::: (view all by) ::: October 07, 2009, 01:44 PM:

Thank you, all, for your support over the past year. We've been rereading the original post and comments, and being shaken up all over again by what happened (and what didn't). It's been rough, but we're still here, and still together.

I continue to urge you all to get your blood pressure checked regularly, and to take the occasional reminder look at Jim's post about strokes, here -- http://nielsenhayden.com/makinglight/archives/010240.html.

Today is the ninth anniversary of our first date (made possible, in part, by matchmaking by Our Hosts) and, as I'd suggested last year in the ICU, this year, we're going to do something really boring together. Not sure what, yet, but really boring.

#13 ::: Wendy Bradley ::: (view all by) ::: October 07, 2009, 03:36 PM:

I'm with the Paypal haters - except it's so convenient for small sums in different currencies. However it does infuriating things - like charging people automatically to renew subscriptions to Farthing magazine which went bust two years ago! I asked my web designer to remove the auto subscription function (which I hadn't asked them to install in the first place - I couldn't think of an idea more likely to annoy potential subscribers after all!) and I asked Paypal to remove the function, and I did all the things they asked me to do but occasionally it *still* tries to swipe money from people. I try and keep an eye on the account and send any money back but I just found a couple of ghost payments sitting there so I used them to boost the amount I just sent to the fund.

#14 ::: Don Fitch ::: (view all by) ::: October 07, 2009, 04:00 PM:

Yup, there are times -- maybe a lot of them -- when "really boring" is Really Good. I hope Soren is continuing to work hard at rehab. Recent studies (as I understand it) suggest that this is often effective, even though most improvement generally takes place in the first six months or so. (I'm thinking of LArea fan Fred Patten, who had a drastic stroke and, not being physically-oriented, seems to have let up on rehab work once he was able to talk reasonably well and use a computer. His life seems to have been pretty much downhill after that *sigh*, and I'm glad to hear that Soren is still going uphill, albeit gradually.)

I'm one of those OldFarts who don't trust PayPal (or myself, when books and other delights can be bought via it) but think I have a RealMail @ (Vicky R.) and expect to use it RSN.

Best Wishes to All There.

#15 ::: Mary Dell ::: (view all by) ::: October 07, 2009, 04:16 PM:

Happy first-date anniversary, Soren and Velma, and happy survival anniversary as well.

#16 ::: Allan Beatty ::: (view all by) ::: October 07, 2009, 10:38 PM:

I'm sure Paypal makes very few mistakes out of the vast numbers of transactions that they process. But their policies seem determined to ensure that no mistake is small.

#17 ::: elise ::: (view all by) ::: October 07, 2009, 11:48 PM:

One year. Wow.

*shakes head*

Seems both longer and shorter.

#18 ::: Mez ::: (view all by) ::: October 08, 2009, 12:57 AM:

Go Scraps & Velma! Came over to say *bouncebouncebounce* some happy news from my friend who had a cerebral aneurysm in August. I've been using Scraps as one example of both the progress that can be made and the difficulties my friend faces. Happy 9th anniversary too; next year tin!

I've used PayPal for several years as a buyer and not had problems so far. Use a credit card, the one with a lower limit I keep to use online. Never a bank account — if I did, would be separate from others. online-use-only. I like the idea of the auto subscription, but only if it can be easily and securely cancelled by the subscriber, which does appear to be a problem at the moment.

#19 ::: Mez ::: (view all by) ::: October 08, 2009, 01:07 AM:

Go Scraps & Velma! Came over to say *bouncebouncebounce* some happy news from my friend who had a cerebral aneurysm in August. I've been using Scraps as one example of both the progress that can be made and the difficulties my friend faces. Happy 9th anniversary too; next year tin!

I've used PayPal for several years as a buyer and not had problems so far. Use a credit card, the one with a lower limit I keep to use online. Never a bank account — if I did, would be separate from others. online-use-only. I like the idea of the auto subscription, but only if it can be easily and securely cancelled by the subscriber, which does appear to be a problem at the moment.

#20 ::: Mez ::: (view all by) ::: October 08, 2009, 02:53 AM:

I seem to have Doubles Disease this afternoon. I'll try to improve.

One niggle for Patrick. I really dislike this trend of saying "x-year anniversary". That's the default. "X/st/nd/rd/th anniversary" means that. Extension is awkward and redundant. If you mean anything else, that's when you need to qualify: 6-month anniversary; 3-week anniversary, and so on.

It's like saying "carjacking" — hijacking in a vehicular sense by default refers to a car or truck. If you're speaking of an aeroplane, ship, train, motorcycle, skateboard or whatever, then you can specify if you want.

#21 ::: John Stanning ::: (view all by) ::: October 08, 2009, 05:44 AM:

Um, I suppose, if we’re going to be really pedantic, “anniversary” literally means a yearly event, so for months or weeks it would have to be something like “mensiversary” or “hebdomaversary”.  But those words don’t exist, even in the OED, and Merriam-Webster does allow “anniversary” to mean, broadly, “a date that follows such an event by a specified period of time measured in units other than years”, such as “6-month anniversary”.

But “hijack” does apply to both vehicles and airplanes, the dictionaries say, so you can use it for anything, since ships and skateboards are also vehicles in the broad sense.  Journalists’ attempts at smart neologisms such as “carjack” and “skyjack” have never really caught on.

#22 ::: Mez ::: (view all by) ::: October 08, 2009, 12:55 PM:

John, glad to see you're agreeing with me. If you're speaking of weeks or months, or other non-years you have to say x-week or x-month, etc. If you mean years you don't, you can just say xth anniversary.

Perhaps it's different there, but "carjack" is now almost universally used when a car is hijacked in Australian media. Most don't bother to make up a new word like, say cycle-jack, railjack, or skaterjack, they'd say "a bicycle, train, or skateboard was hijacked".

#23 ::: Allan Beatty ::: (view all by) ::: October 08, 2009, 08:25 PM:

Or as I said when giving relationship advice to my niece: "Boys don't do monthaversaries."

#24 ::: John Stanning ::: (view all by) ::: October 09, 2009, 03:19 AM:

Mez, yes, I was agreeing with you, in my usual convoluted way...  :)

#25 ::: Vicki ::: (view all by) ::: October 09, 2009, 09:22 AM:

Allan @23:

The only person I know who has been talking about monthaversaries lately is male. (He is, arguably, not a boy: at our age I think "man" and "woman" fit better.)

#26 ::: David Goldfarb ::: (view all by) ::: October 13, 2009, 03:50 AM:

Velma@12: I recall hearing about untreated sleep apnea; yes? If so, that's definitely something to mention alongside the blood pressure and other things.

(I was reminded of this last Friday: at the insistence of the bride's mother, I spent the night before the wedding rooming with my best man rather than in our hotel room. This meant hearing him snore and then stop, over and over. I could live with the snoring, it's knowing my good friend is damaging his health that hurts.)

#27 ::: Mary Aileen ::: (view all by) ::: October 13, 2009, 12:25 PM:

David Goldfarb (26): Did you mention it to him? My sleep apnea was finally diagnosed last spring after I shared a hotel room with a friend who observed me stop breathing in my sleep.

#28 ::: Scraps ::: (view all by) ::: October 13, 2009, 01:10 PM:

I don't have untreated sleep apnea; I have undiagnosed (I think) ADD.

#29 ::: David Goldfarb ::: (view all by) ::: October 14, 2009, 12:39 AM:

Mary Aileen: I first mentioned it to him three years ago when we roomed at the last Anaheim Worldcon. (I had had my CPAP machine for less than a year at that point, and was very evangelical.) He says he won't get a CPAP machine, for reasons he won't disclose, which is frustrating on a couple of levels. (Pure curiosity, among other things.) I've suggested to him that he look into other treatments; so far as I know he has not. Sigh.

#30 ::: John Houghton ::: (view all by) ::: October 14, 2009, 07:45 AM:

Serge #617:

What I find amazing about the Judge Clay Land / birther lawyer Orly Taitz cage match, is that he fully expects her to continue her futile quest.
Today a $20,000 sanction. Tomorrow jailed for contempt of court? One can only hope.

#31 ::: John Houghton ::: (view all by) ::: October 14, 2009, 07:50 AM:

My first double post, and cross thread too boot.

Sorry. I need to keep better track of my tabs.

#32 ::: P J Evans sees spam ::: (view all by) ::: November 19, 2014, 03:36 PM:

Spam, spam, spam, spam.

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