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October 31, 2010

This Isn’t the Pumpkin You’re Looking For
Posted by Jim Macdonald at 05:40 AM *

That's No Moon. It's A Space Pumpkin.

Q. Who writes letters to Dracula?
A. His fang club.
Q. Why does Dracula wear patent leather shoes?
A. No one wears sandals with a tuxedo.
Q. Where does Dracula go every time he visits New York?
A. The Vampire State Building.
Q. Why doesn’t anybody like Dracula?
A. He has a bat temper.
Q. What does Dracula think about these jokes?
A. They bite.
Comments on This Isn't the Pumpkin You're Looking For:
#1 ::: Ray Radlein ::: (view all by) ::: October 31, 2010, 05:51 AM:

"That's no moon!"

#2 ::: James D. Macdonald ::: (view all by) ::: October 31, 2010, 08:12 AM:

Q. Why doesn't Dracula play poker?

A. He doesn't like the stakes.

#3 ::: Jim ::: (view all by) ::: October 31, 2010, 08:18 AM:

Q. What's Dracula's theme song?

A. "Fangs For the Memories"

Q. What's Dracula's favorite book?

A. "White Fang"

#4 ::: Fragano Ledgister ::: (view all by) ::: October 31, 2010, 08:29 AM:

Q: Why does Dracula spend his winters in Georgia?

A: It's the Vampire State of the South?

Q: In which Atlanta suburb do you find the most vampires?

A: Dacula.


#5 ::: Mike Leung ::: (view all by) ::: October 31, 2010, 08:41 AM:

I thought Dracula's favorite book was Billy Blood.

#6 ::: Michael I ::: (view all by) ::: October 31, 2010, 08:42 AM:

Q. Why does Dracula dislike London?
A. Because the sun never sets on the British vampire.

#7 ::: James D. Macdonald ::: (view all by) ::: October 31, 2010, 08:53 AM:

Q. When Dracula does visit London, what does he eat?

A. Fangers and Mash.

#8 ::: Jim ::: (view all by) ::: October 31, 2010, 09:07 AM:

#5 -- No, he can't identify with the protag.

#9 ::: Dave Bell ::: (view all by) ::: October 31, 2010, 09:18 AM:

That's the first Halloween thing in simply ages which I've found amusing.

#10 ::: Suzanne ::: (view all by) ::: October 31, 2010, 09:23 AM:

Q: What kind of ship does Dracula own?

A: A blood vessel!

#11 ::: Suzanne ::: (view all by) ::: October 31, 2010, 09:24 AM:

Q: What's Dracula's favorite sport?

A: Bat mitton!

#12 ::: Iain M ::: (view all by) ::: October 31, 2010, 09:36 AM:

What drink did dracula tell his fang club to drink?

Dracul Aid

Why are dracula's medicines so effective?

They've been vampirically proven.

And for this I delurk? Sorry about that, guys. I blame the party I was just at. But really the important thing is that I'm blaming something.

#13 ::: Mary Aileen ::: (view all by) ::: October 31, 2010, 09:56 AM:

Q: What does Dracula do when he forgets his lines?

A: He vamps.

#15 ::: Branko Collin ::: (view all by) ::: October 31, 2010, 10:05 AM:

Q: How could you tell the vampire had a cold?

A: He had a bad coffin.

Q: Why isn't Dracula a betting man?

A: The stakes are against him.

Q: Why does Dracula sleep during the day?

A: Because he's been up all night. (Duh!)

Q: Why does Dracula have to tell his fang club what to drink?

A: Because some of them prefer Ghoul Aid.

Q: What do the readers of Making Light prefer to drink?

A: If they have persevered through my jokes, Lemon Aid.

#16 ::: Suzanne ::: (view all by) ::: October 31, 2010, 10:51 AM:

Last one, honest:

Q: What's Dracula's favorite fruit?

A: Necktarines.

#17 ::: P J Evans ::: (view all by) ::: October 31, 2010, 11:25 AM:

14
Gallery of carved pumpkins, by the guy who did 'Zipperface' - safe for work, I think, but some of them are a bit disturbing.

#18 ::: Jon Meltzer ::: (view all by) ::: October 31, 2010, 11:34 AM:

Where does Dracula water-ski?
Lake Erie.

What breed is Dracula's dog?
Bloodhound.

What is Dracula's complaint at the con gripe session?
No new blood!

#19 ::: James D. Macdonald ::: (view all by) ::: October 31, 2010, 11:55 AM:

Q. Why does Dracula sleep in a coffin?

A. Low overhead.

#20 ::: Jon Meltzer ::: (view all by) ::: October 31, 2010, 12:11 PM:

Who did Dracula vote for in the 2008 primaries?

Ghouliani.

#21 ::: Tom Whitmore ::: (view all by) ::: October 31, 2010, 01:48 PM:

What job does Dracula's son have at the baseball game?

Bat boy. But only at the night games.

#22 ::: Erik Nelson ::: (view all by) ::: October 31, 2010, 02:51 PM:

What does Dracula do at the baseball game?
He's the vumpire!

#23 ::: Jon Meltzer ::: (view all by) ::: October 31, 2010, 03:27 PM:

Why does Dracula's daughter have a big party when she turns 12?

It's her Bat Mitzvah.

#24 ::: Kip W ::: (view all by) ::: October 31, 2010, 05:32 PM:

What's Dracula's favorite dance?
The Transylvania Polka.

#25 ::: Erik Nelson ::: (view all by) ::: October 31, 2010, 06:24 PM:

What do you call a transvestite vampire?
Dragula

#26 ::: Earl Cooley III ::: (view all by) ::: October 31, 2010, 07:08 PM:

Why did the American tourist in Transylvania bleed to death?

He dialed 911 instead of 6-5000.

#27 ::: Mike Leung ::: (view all by) ::: October 31, 2010, 10:15 PM:

What kind of marks do vampires with three fangs leave?
Trilobites.

#28 ::: Linkmeister ::: (view all by) ::: November 01, 2010, 02:28 AM:

What's a vampire's primitive pick-up line?

Wanna neck?

#29 ::: Ingvar M ::: (view all by) ::: November 01, 2010, 06:57 AM:

Jim @ #3:

Not "Fang you for the music"?

#30 ::: Tracie ::: (view all by) ::: November 01, 2010, 09:59 AM:

What does a vampire bite you with?

Fangs.

You're welcome.*


*Hey, this was hysterically funny when I was six...

#31 ::: C. Wingate ::: (view all by) ::: November 01, 2010, 12:51 PM:

"Look sir, gourds."

#32 ::: Jordin Kare ::: (view all by) ::: November 02, 2010, 04:55 AM:

What kind of magician is Dracula?

A neckromancer.

#33 ::: TexAnne sees spam ::: (view all by) ::: November 02, 2010, 05:45 AM:

It doesn't bite, but it sucks.

#34 ::: Stewart Hinsley ::: (view all by) ::: November 02, 2010, 10:53 AM:

Q. Who does Dracula support for 2012?
A. ImPalin.

#35 ::: Ingvar M ::: (view all by) ::: November 02, 2010, 12:02 PM:

A:What's Dracula's favourite car?
A: The Chevy Impale-a

#36 ::: Michael I ::: (view all by) ::: November 02, 2010, 12:43 PM:

Q. Who is Dracula's favorite superhero?
A. Batman.

#37 ::: Xopher ::: (view all by) ::: November 03, 2010, 02:01 PM:

Q: Why won't Dracula become a Mormon?

A: He won't go to the Stake House.

#38 ::: Serge ::: (view all by) ::: November 06, 2010, 03:09 PM:

What's the name of Dracula's relative who's choosy about blood types?
Particula.

#39 ::: Serge sees SPAM about bad dogs ::: (view all by) ::: November 10, 2010, 09:19 AM:

Meanwhile my dogs kiss me all over when I come home.

#40 ::: abi ::: (view all by) ::: November 10, 2010, 01:50 PM:

A real dog trainer would know that "macho dogs" are not the danger; it's macho humans who don't socialize dogs correctly that cause the problem.

Bad spammer, bad!

#41 ::: Serge ::: (view all by) ::: November 10, 2010, 02:03 PM:

Warp and woof!

#42 ::: Earl Cooley III ::: (view all by) ::: November 10, 2010, 02:30 PM:

That kind of dog is, in fact, socialized correctly for the evil purposes for which they are intended.

#43 ::: Serge ::: (view all by) ::: November 10, 2010, 02:34 PM:

The dog seen HERE is ready to deal with those who have evil purposes.

Choose:
Smaller type (our default)
Larger type
Even larger type, with serifs

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