Back to previous post: Meanwhile, in Mesa

Go to Making Light's front page.

Forward to next post: The End of Information

Subscribe (via RSS) to this post's comment thread. (What does this mean? Here's a quick introduction.)

April 24, 2011

Happy Easter
Posted by Jim Macdonald at 07:15 AM * 32 comments

[Easter Card]Q. What does the Easter Bunny get for making a basket?
A. Two points.

Q. How do you send a letter to the Easter Bunny?
A. Hare mail.

Q, What do you call the Easter Bunny when he visits Santa Claus?
A. Cold.

Q. Where does the Easter Bunny eat breakfast?
A. At IHOP.

Comments on Happy Easter:
#1 ::: James D. Macdonald ::: (view all by) ::: April 24, 2011, 07:18 AM:

Q. Why was the easter egg hiding?

A. He was a little chicken.

Q. What comes at the end of Easter?

A."R"

#2 ::: Paula Lieberman ::: (view all by) ::: April 24, 2011, 07:23 AM:

Q. What's the Easter Bunny's favorite dance?
A. Hippity Hop

Q. What type of communications do Easter bunnies use?
A. Ethernet.

#3 ::: Serge ::: (view all by) ::: April 24, 2011, 07:38 AM:

What happened to the Easter Bunny, when he met my cat?
A. Hare yesterday, gone today.

#4 ::: Phiala ::: (view all by) ::: April 24, 2011, 08:27 AM:

And have you seen the chocolate egg crash tests?

#5 ::: D. Potter ::: (view all by) ::: April 24, 2011, 10:00 AM:

Easter Bunny movie quote: "Ears looking at you, kid."

The Easter Bunny boycotted Rabbit-Proof Fence.

Easter Bunny medicine is searching for a cure for Herpes Oster.

#6 ::: Tracie ::: (view all by) ::: April 24, 2011, 10:52 AM:

Q: What do you get if you cross a rabbit with an anesthesiologist?
A: The Ether Bunny!

#7 ::: Syd ::: (view all by) ::: April 24, 2011, 10:57 AM:

I.
Knock, knock!

Who's there?

Ether!

Ether who?

Ether Bunny!

II.
Knock, knock!

Who's there?

Beep-beep!

Beep-beep who?

Beep-beep! Ether Bunny was run down by passing truck!

III.
Knock, knock!

Who's there?

Boo!

Boo who?

Boo-hoo? Don't cry--Ether Bunny be back next year!

#8 ::: Mary Aileen ::: (view all by) ::: April 24, 2011, 11:05 AM:

Q: Who makes bread for spring holidays?
A: The Yeaster Bunny!

#9 ::: little pink beast ::: (view all by) ::: April 24, 2011, 01:00 PM:

Who brings brightly painted shellfish around in the spring?

The Oyster Bunny!

#10 ::: jnh ::: (view all by) ::: April 24, 2011, 01:21 PM:

Mary Aileen @8:

Q: Who makes bread for spring holidays?
A: The Yeaster Bunny!

∴Christ is risen?

#11 ::: marc sobel ::: (view all by) ::: April 24, 2011, 01:25 PM:

Here in Boulder CO, it was cloudy so he didn't see his shadow. That means 6 more weeks of ?

#12 ::: Mary Aileen ::: (view all by) ::: April 24, 2011, 02:01 PM:

jnh (10): LOL! (literally)

I hadn't thought of that, but I love it.

#13 ::: Rymenhild ::: (view all by) ::: April 24, 2011, 02:16 PM:

It's about this time of year when I get tired of Passover and envious of my Christian friends. Christ may have risen, but matzah is flat.

#14 ::: blnicol ::: (view all by) ::: April 24, 2011, 04:13 PM:

jnh @10: The trumpet shall sound, and the bread shall be raised...

or perhaps

the crumpet shall brown, and the bread shall be raised... (from the Easter Sunday Brunch version of the Messiah)

#15 ::: The Modesto Kid ::: (view all by) ::: April 24, 2011, 05:47 PM:

Irving Berlin, by way of Pete Stampfel:

in your easter vomit with all the flies upon it
you’ll be the drunkest wino in the easter parade
you’ll be all hung over and when they roll you over
you’ll be the rankest wino in the easter parade

on the avenue tenth avenue the
photographer will snap us and he’ll say that
you’re like a pile of manure

fifty pounds of comet
could not remove the vomit
and all the flies you’re wearing
to the easter parade

#16 ::: James D. Macdonald ::: (view all by) ::: April 24, 2011, 05:53 PM:

So this guy is driving along on Easter morning, when he sees something dart out from the bushes beside the road. Thump! It's under his wheels. He stops to take a look at what he hit, and he's horrified to find that it was a cute little bunny, wearing a perky bonnet, and carrying a basket of colored eggs. And the rabbit is dead, no mistake about it.

He sits by the side of the road, crying. He's killed the Easter Bunny! He's destroyed Easter for thousands of children!

Just then a lady sees him and pulls over. She walks up to ask what's wrong. All he can do is point to the Easter Bunny's little corpse.

The lady walks back to her car, pulls out a spray can, walks over the Easter Bunny, and sprays him with the can. To the guy's surprise, the Easter Bunny stands up, wiggles his nose, adjusts his bonnet, picks up his basket of eggs, and goes hopping off!

The bunny goes about fifteen feet, then turns, gives a big grin, and waves his little paw. Then he continues another fifteen feet, turns with a big smile, and waves again. Fifteen more feet, same deal, a smile and a wave! And so on, until the Easter Bunny vanishes over the horizon.

The guy is amazed. He turns to the lady and says, "What did you do?"

She points at the can: "Hair spray. Brings new life to your hair. Adds permanent wave."

#17 ::: Serge ::: (view all by) ::: April 24, 2011, 06:03 PM:

Is the Easter Bunny related to the White Rabbit?

#18 ::: Carol Kimball ::: (view all by) ::: April 24, 2011, 08:21 PM:

Re: #7 Syd

Longer version:

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Ether.
Ether, who?
The Ether Bunny.

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Snother.
Snother who?
Snother Ether Bunny.

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Cargo.
Cargo who?
Cargo and run over the Ether Bunny.

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Boo.
Boo who?
Don't cry, Ether Bunny be back again next year.

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you glad I didn't say Ether bunny again?

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Consumption.
Consumption who?
Consumption be done about all these [expletives optional] Ether Bunnies?

#19 ::: Juli Thompson ::: (view all by) ::: April 24, 2011, 09:54 PM:

What happens when you tell jokes to Easter eggs?

They crack up!

#20 ::: Jordin Kare ::: (view all by) ::: April 24, 2011, 10:25 PM:

jnh @ #10:

... the House of the Rising Son ...

#21 ::: Stefan Jones ::: (view all by) ::: April 24, 2011, 11:02 PM:

I'm about to eat a chocolate Easter bunny.

I'm not sure whether to bite off the head first, or nibble my way up from the feet and then chew on the ears until there is nothing left but "Sunny's" every-smiling face.

* * *
My immediate family wasn't religious. Easter was a family get-together and hidden candy holiday, almost always with my father's family. A feast holiday, with rowdy cousins and a crabby grandmother and aunt.

I used to try to duplicate the grand meals -- ham, mashed potatoes, other good stuff -- we had, as a tribute to past good times, before that side of the family fell apart.

But today I had a big fillet of broiled salmon, rice and vegetables. Mmmmmm.

#22 ::: KayTei ::: (view all by) ::: April 25, 2011, 12:22 AM:

My sister the nun contributes:

Q. Why did the Easter Bunny hide the eggs?
A. He didn't want his wife to know he was having an affair with a chicken.

I am informed that a little old lady told her the joke, which by definition makes it acceptable.

#23 ::: Tom Whitmore ::: (view all by) ::: April 25, 2011, 12:49 AM:

Stefan Jones @21 -- you're sure that wasn't a chocolate mousie?

#24 ::: Branko Collin ::: (view all by) ::: April 25, 2011, 02:14 AM:

How did the egg cross the road? It hatched, then crossed.

(Sketchy pun, I know.)

#25 ::: paul ::: (view all by) ::: April 25, 2011, 11:51 AM:

Paula Lieberman @2: and here all these years I'd been thinking an ethernet was what you used to catch the bunny.

Now all my ideas are changed, changed utterly.

#26 ::: Melissa Singer ::: (view all by) ::: April 25, 2011, 12:51 PM:

Not a joke, but a nice story about bunnies: http://www.presstelegram.com/news/ci_17911629

Also, on the chocolate ones, my family always starts with the ears. You don't have to be a Christian to like a nice chocolate rabbit.

#27 ::: Cynthia W. ::: (view all by) ::: April 25, 2011, 11:21 PM:

@18

Consumption be done about it?

Of cough, of cough!

#28 ::: protected static ::: (view all by) ::: April 26, 2011, 01:49 AM:

@27

Move a lung now, nothing to see here...

#29 ::: Mark ::: (view all by) ::: April 26, 2011, 06:36 PM:

Cynthia W. @ 27: No, I'm afraid there's nothing TB done at this point.

#30 ::: Michael I ::: (view all by) ::: April 26, 2011, 07:27 PM:

Mark@29

TB or not TB, that is the question...

#31 ::: Lee ::: (view all by) ::: April 27, 2011, 05:33 PM:

Q. What does the Easter Bunny like to sing at the karaoke bar?
A. Hip-hop!

And because nobody else has posted it yet, an oldie-but-goodie: Creme That Egg!

#32 ::: Paul A. ::: (view all by) ::: May 06, 2011, 11:23 AM:

James D. Macdonald @ #16:

A version of that joke is a perennial favourite in my family, to the point that I know somebody who claims it's diagnostic: if somebody he's just been introduced to tells him the Joke, they always turn out to be one of my father's relatives.

In our version, it's not a woman with a spray can, but an avuncular balding priest with a jar of hare restorer.

Welcome to Making Light's comment section. The moderators are Avram Grumer, Teresa & Patrick Nielsen Hayden, and Abi Sutherland. Abi is the moderator most frequently onsite. She's also the kindest. Teresa is the theoretician. Are you feeling lucky?

Comments containing more than seven URLs will be held for approval. If you want to comment on a thread that's been closed, please post to the most recent "Open Thread" discussion.

You can subscribe (via RSS) to this particular comment thread. (If this option is baffling, here's a quick introduction.)

Post a comment.
(Real e-mail addresses and URLs only, please.)

HTML Tags:
<strong>Strong</strong> = Strong
<em>Emphasized</em> = Emphasized
<a href="http://www.url.com">Linked text</a> = Linked text

Spelling reference:
Tolkien. Minuscule. Gandhi. Millennium. Delany. Embarrassment. Publishers Weekly. Occurrence. Asimov. Weird. Connoisseur. Accommodate. Hierarchy. Deity. Etiquette. Pharaoh. Teresa. Its. Macdonald. Nielsen Hayden. It's. Fluorosphere. Barack. More here.















(You must preview before posting.)

Dire legal notice
Making Light copyright 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017 by Patrick & Teresa Nielsen Hayden. All rights reserved.