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March 14, 2012

The Flounce Song
Posted by Jim Macdonald at 12:44 AM * 32 comments

To flounce… the professional flounce
To sigh… when the comments are cruel
To weep… when the posters turn nasty
Just like … all those mean girls in school!
To write … only one comment more
Before … I am so out of here
I hope … that you people are happy
When I’m … laid out cold on my bier!

You’re jealous folks, but I am a pro,
The people will love me wherever I go
My words are my pearls and they’re all of them true
I’m not wasting my time any more on such piggies as you!

And you know when I’m finished at last
With this glorious flounce
I’ll go off to my own Facebook page
And your lot I’ll denounce.
And the world will be better for this
That one pro told you all what was what
Then left all you sniveling babies!
I’ll only be back to rebut….

Comments on The Flounce Song:
#1 ::: Christopher Wright ::: (view all by) ::: March 14, 2012, 01:43 AM:

Hail! knight of the glowering countenance
knight of the glowering countenance
whenever you post you'll insist it's the most
vainglorious thing to respond to your glowering countenance

So farewell and good cheer as you march out of here
ignoring the anger and strife
"the comments," you say "should be all locked away
and the posters should all get a life"

Hail! knight of the glowering countenance
knight of the glowering countenance
the effort you say is cheapened some way
when they dare to respond to the text of your glowering countenance

Oh glorious scribe, when you shrink back from a jibe
you'll swear that it isn't retreat
the purpose you say, is to stay out of the fray
thus preserving your status elite

Hail! knight of the glowering countenance
knight of the glowering countenance
there's nothing to do, except to possibly sue
the cretins who won't acknowledge your glowering countenance

#2 ::: D. Potter ::: (view all by) ::: March 14, 2012, 02:03 AM:

Lovely. (Of course I hear it sung in Richard Kiley's voice...)

#3 ::: thomas ::: (view all by) ::: March 14, 2012, 02:13 AM:

Uncle Jim kneels at the foot of the bed
To grab his shillelagh for breaking a head
Hush, hush, nobody cares
All of the spammers have fallen down stairs

#4 ::: Gray Woodland ::: (view all by) ::: March 14, 2012, 06:06 AM:

You're gonna miss me when I flounce -
Cry so hard your tears'll bounce.
You're gonna miss the shadow of my bridge.
When return at length I don't,
You will miss your infrapont
The way the lush green swamp would miss its lively midge.

You'll wish the trail I'm riding would turn again
And bring me back to make the home flames burn again!
Just like Bill Gates' big bank accounts
Are the extremely large amounts
That all of you are gonna miss me when I flounce!

#5 ::: Dichroic ::: (view all by) ::: March 14, 2012, 08:30 AM:

After I've flounced, and left you cryin',
Comments will bounce, I'll bannify 'em.
In email, lurkers wail,
They all support me 'gainst your comment-fail.

There'll come a time - I've often said it -
You'll know I'm right - now don't forget it -
I'll be glad, you'll be sad,
You'll miss the smartest LJ-friend you've had,
After I've flounced, after I've flounced away.

#6 ::: debio ::: (view all by) ::: March 14, 2012, 08:58 AM:

I think that you shall never see
another post here that's by me

My posts all show that I'm the best
My words so right they'll stand the test

For my posts show what God would say
If I would take the time to pray

You should know I really don't care
'bout what you think or want to share

I'll leave you now, won't come again
to this lackwit site, it's such a pain

My brilliant words, too good for you
It's time to bid you all uhdoo.

#7 ::: Charlie Stross ::: (view all by) ::: March 14, 2012, 09:55 AM:

Unfortunately I am hearing this sung in the voice of Nina Hagen, because I've just this morning been listening to her cover version of Sid Vicious's cover of the original ...

The effect is, er, indescribable.

#8 ::: pedantic peasant ::: (view all by) ::: March 14, 2012, 10:06 AM:

Now I sit me down to type
For my brilliant thoughts transcend all hype.
And if ought with my words contend
I'll flounce elsewhere to begin again.

#9 ::: D. Potter ::: (view all by) ::: March 14, 2012, 10:08 AM:

I think you're gonna be sad. I think it's todaaay!
The issue driving me mad just won't go awaaay!
I've got a license to spam
I've got a license to spa-a-am
I've got a license to spam
and I don't care!

I say your politics suck and baseball's a gaaaaame!
Your demographics are [mucked] and that's why I caaaaame!
Trolling's great fun for me
Trolling's great fun for me-e-e
Trolling's such fun for me
And I'm so there!

(Someone else will have to finish; I gotta run.)

#10 ::: OtterB ::: (view all by) ::: March 14, 2012, 10:44 AM:

Roses are red
Violets are blue
My posts are perfect
Who cares about you?

#11 ::: elise ::: (view all by) ::: March 14, 2012, 11:34 AM:

There's a man who leads a life of flouncing
Always his intent to leave announcing
With every step he takes another post he makes
Dude is like a check that just keeps bouncing

Mister Flouncy Man, Mister Flouncy Man
You're promising to leave us, but you never do fulfill

#12 ::: Lori Coulson ::: (view all by) ::: March 14, 2012, 11:53 AM:

...a little gossip, a little chat,
a little idle talk of this and that --
they'll tell you all the trouble they have had,
and if you aren't impressed, then they will just get mad..

#13 ::: Ginger ::: (view all by) ::: March 14, 2012, 12:10 PM:

This is just to say

I have sent in
my flounce
That went in
the inbox

and which
you were expecting
above all else

F--- you
in my opinion
you're weak
and so old.

#14 ::: Victoria ::: (view all by) ::: March 14, 2012, 12:22 PM:

Baaada bada bada
bada bada bada

#15 ::: Douglas Henke ::: (view all by) ::: March 14, 2012, 12:31 PM:

'Twas Sept'r and the newbie hordes
Did chirp and burble 'cross the 'net
All typo'd 1337-spoke unwashed droves
Behind their ears were wet

"Beware the forum-thread, my son!
The posts that taunt! The mods who ban!
The Serdar Argic, Kibo-bait
In alt.warlord-fan!"

Long time he argued to and fro
Ad-hominem'd invective wrought
And astro-turfed were talking points
Without coherent thought

"Me too!" "Me too!" It must be true --
He read it in the Daily Fail
Unanimous support supplied
By lurkers in e-mail

Backpedal, flee, claim forgery
Flounce never-coming-back
To Youtube-comments driven forth
And die for troll-food's lack

'Twas Sept'r and the newbie hordes
Did chirp and burble 'cross the 'net
All typo'd 1337-spoke unwashed droves
Behind their ears were wet

#16 ::: Nicole J. LeBoeuf-Little ::: (view all by) ::: March 14, 2012, 01:08 PM:

You'll always miss my big piñata
"Don't feed the troll?" Well, you just gotta
Once I've flounced, this blog's got nada
You'll eulogize my big piñata

You'll miss me and my brave ideas
My courage far beyond my years
With your so-called "wit" stuck in arrears
You'll miss all my big brave ideas

#17 ::: Bruce Cohen (Speaker to Managers) ::: (view all by) ::: March 14, 2012, 01:42 PM:

Whatever trollers want
Trollers get
And sheeple, this little troller wants you.
But I don't need to prove I am right,
I'm out of here, I'll disappear, adieu.
Flames and grief are what I aim for,
But what I leave behind I won't take blame for.

Whatever trollers want
Trollers get,
But I have work,
So get a life, I'm gone.
No matter how hard you may rail,
I won't take my dissent back,
I'm unbeatable, you hack, you fail! fail! fail!

#18 ::: Fragano Ledgister ::: (view all by) ::: March 14, 2012, 08:33 PM:

To flounce, or not to flounce? That is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler on this site to suffer
The slings and arrows of these outraged posters
Or to take off with utter'd imprecation
And by opposing end them. To leave, to go
To comfortable Facebook where my friends
Will give me comfort; that's the dream. To rub
The magic lantern that will bring more dreams
When I have left behind this horrid broil.
But soft! I cannot merely flounce, they must know
I have not them forgot. I shall return
Upon a time well suited and recall
Each of them to repentance. One last chance
They shall be given. Then the hellish gates
Shall close upon them. That shall be their fate.
Thus conscience shall reap its best rewards
While I shall seem a noble man in deed.

#19 ::: Fragano Ledgister ::: (view all by) ::: March 14, 2012, 08:34 PM:

Bruce Cohen #17: Lola is looking for you.

#20 ::: P J Evans ::: (view all by) ::: March 14, 2012, 08:58 PM:

(It feels like Mike wandered through.)

#21 ::: elise ::: (view all by) ::: March 14, 2012, 09:02 PM:

He's just nodding in, he'd tell us.

#22 ::: Bruce Cohen (Speaker to Managers) ::: (view all by) ::: March 15, 2012, 01:07 AM:

Fragano @ 19:

Tell her I'm hiding out with Hernando.

P J Evans @ 20:

I thought I felt him looking over my shoulder. No doubt the dancing shade of Bob Fosse got a little stirred by my #17. It was all in fun, Bob, honest!

#23 ::: KayTei ::: (view all by) ::: March 15, 2012, 04:26 AM:

Post as though everyone is watching you.
Opine as though you have never been disagreed with before.
Troll as though no one can see through you.
Flounce as though hell is this website.

#24 ::: rm ::: (view all by) ::: March 15, 2012, 11:11 AM:

Under my thumb, the blog that once had me down
Under my thumb, commenters who pushed me around
It's down to me, the difference in the way they write
Down to me, the change has come, they're under my thumb

Under my thumb, their opinions are kept to themselves
Under my thumb, well, I can still bloviate like hell
It's down to me, the way they "like" everything I write
Down to me, the change has come, they're under my thumb

#25 ::: Monado, FCD ::: (view all by) ::: March 15, 2012, 03:57 PM:

Go a-flouncin' downstairs, pretty Peggy-O,
Go a-flouncin' downstairs, pretty Peggy-O.
Go a-flouncin' downstairs, combing back your yellow hair
That's the prettiest little flounce I've ever seen, oh.

In a carriage you will ride, pretty Peggy-O,
In a carriage you will ride, pretty Peggy-O.
If ever I return all your comments I will burn
Destroying all your trolling arguments, oh.

#26 ::: D. Potter ::: (view all by) ::: March 16, 2012, 02:01 AM:

Peevishly--I mean previously in this lyric @#9, and no, that was not intentional.

You think that I'm some arrogant punk
Who doesn't know much, who doesn't care much for facts.
Well, let me tell you, you're full of junk!
And no, I don't have to hang around here, you hacks!

Too bad you're gonna be mad, I'm leaving todaaaaaay!
The lurkers love me off-line, or so they all saaaaaaay!
I get to flounce 'cause I won!
I get to flounce 'cause I wo-o-on!
I get to flounce 'cause I won!
And I don't care!
(repeat to fade) I really don't care!

(Call 1-800-BAD ARGU. Our sockpuppets are standing by.)

#27 ::: Carol Kimball ::: (view all by) ::: March 16, 2012, 11:26 AM:

You know that nasty troll
Who flounced off yesterday?
It's us he's thinking of
And he told me what to say
He says he hates us
And he never will be back
He hates us
He couldn't get us all on track

He hates us (yeah, yeah, yeah)
He hates us (yeah, yeah, yeah)
With a flounce like that
He never will be back

#28 ::: Pyre ::: (view all by) ::: March 16, 2012, 05:54 PM:

Flowers come to thee;
Let their thorns in-pric,
Or may their pollen
Urge wild bees, that thou
'Neath their stingers go,
Crying fear of all
Ever I dreamt of.

#29 ::: P J Evans ::: (view all by) ::: March 16, 2012, 08:54 PM:

I think Mike looked in on my cube this morning:

Slow down, you move too fast:
You got to make the flouncing last!
Posting more comments, here and there,
Looking for trouble, feeling troll-y!

#30 ::: Paula Lieberman ::: (view all by) ::: March 17, 2012, 02:53 AM:

I was spawned on the Net
By a spammer who trolled me there
Greedy and gullible and quite naive.
I should have blamed him
I'm sure he was hoping
That I'd take his bait and then leave.

But of course then I stayed there
I thought I would profit
By then posting astroturf trolling for pay,
I played a regiment using all pseudonyms
In drive-by comments each day.

So of course I became as befitted my aspirant state,
The most earnest of Internet vermin that all of you hate!

#31 ::: David DeLaney ::: (view all by) ::: May 10, 2012, 05:10 AM:

Who's sorry now? who's sorry now?
(This line's escaping the sweat of my brow)
Who's sad and blue, and crying too?
Just after I pwned the lo-o-ot of you?
Right to the end, and just like a friend
I tried to warn you someho-o-ow
But no, you had your say
now I'll fade away;
I'm glad that you're sorry now!

--Dave, why yes I am catching up on two months' worth of ML threads

#32 ::: David DeLaney ::: (view all by) ::: May 10, 2012, 05:13 AM:

hmmm, let's make that line

Whose heart is breaking? (I'm taking my bow)
(and go-ing home)


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