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August 31, 2015

#BeowulfTrump
Posted by Teresa at 08:46 PM * 29 comments

@BruceHolsinger, well-regarded historian and author of a couple of excellent mysteries starring John Gower, enlivened the day by inventing the hashtag #BeowulfTrump and posting examples of how it’s done:

Bruce Holsinger ‏@bruceholsinger 9 hours ago
Today’s Twitter mash-up is Donald Trump meets Beowulf. Let the festivities begin. #BeowulfTrump

Bruce Holsinger ‏@bruceholsinger 9 hours ago
The Spear-Danes? I LOVE the Spear-Danes. These are great, great people. #BeowulfTrump

Bruce Holsinger ‏@bruceholsinger 9 hours ago
I like Hrothgar. He’s a hard-working guy. But it’s STUPID that Heorot doesn’t have a wall to keep out the monsters. STUPID #BeowulfTrump

Bruce Holsinger ‏@bruceholsinger 9 hours ago
The Spear-Danes, these people LOVE me. LOVE me over there. “Bring us the Great Geat” is what they’re always saying. LOVE me. #BeowulfTrump

Since then he’s kept tweeting, and he’s just gotten funnier.

Seven hours after Holsinger started the hashtag, fellow medievalist @JonathanHsy tweeted:

Loving #BeowulfTrump today. Now if someone can turn one of The Donald’s epic rants into allit verse I’ll be VERY impressed #medievaltwitter
I’m just saying.
Comments on #BeowulfTrump:
#1 ::: Teresa Nielsen Hayden ::: (view all by) ::: August 31, 2015, 10:50 PM:

That's what I get for sending everyone off to look at Twitter.

#2 ::: Elliott Mason ::: (view all by) ::: August 31, 2015, 11:00 PM:

I can wait for the Storify "good bits version". Because there's totally going to be one.

Like the one for #JunkOff twitter tag, where biologists were sharing photos of animal penises. (probably NSFW. Also hilarious)

#3 ::: Steve Halter ::: (view all by) ::: August 31, 2015, 11:39 PM:

Wow. Whoa.Wow. Whoa.
Conditioner croaked Candidates cooked
Trump Trump Trump Trump

Rally and revel Really Rich am I
Mexican mafia border Guards Grumble
Trump Trump Trump Trump

Chinese Communists Capitalize our Capital
Taxes Taxes Tariffs Tariffs
Trump Trump Trump Trump

Rinse Repeat Repeat Rinse
Scary Scary Something Silly
Trump Trump Trump Trump

Eight Billion Bucks Listings are Listed
Evanka Evanka
Trump Trump Trump Trump

#4 ::: Mary Frances ::: (view all by) ::: August 31, 2015, 11:47 PM:

Twitter? What Twitter? I read "a couple of excellent mysteries starring John Gower" and headed straight to Amazon!

Then I went to Twitter.

#5 ::: Avram ::: (view all by) ::: September 01, 2015, 01:40 AM:

I guess Kevin and I were ahead of the curve.

#6 ::: Dave Luckett ::: (view all by) ::: September 01, 2015, 03:30 AM:

Ill-met ink-slanderers, twisters of tongue-deeds,
Makers of murder on well-spoken words!
Came I with cause to the allthing of thane-folk
Spoke with assurance, though giving grim greeting,
Simple I said it, but scribes mote it madness,
Twisting and torturing sooth that I said.

This: That we witter while outlaws outrage us;
Criminals creep from the Romanish realm,
Sons of the south, sent by stealth, spring upon us,
Carrying crime as corrupting contagion,
Reiving and rapine, all brought as their bane.
Flung from their families, for reason of foulness.
Cast out by kindred, they break through our borders.

Bare are our boundaries, fenceless, unfortified,
Flooded our frontiers, our sentinels sleep.
Few of the foreign are worthy of welcome,
Most only merit removal and wrath.
Their chieftains are clever, concealing their cunning,
Hatred and handclasps they offer as one.
Such neighbors give need to the noblest of nations
For driving of direst and boldest of bargains;
My weird is to weave them. And weave them I will.

Borders I’ll build that will balk any breaker,
No less than lawful let in, by my leave.
Fortified frontiers, with watch wide-waking,
Warders and walls, just like a jail.

Fools in their folly speak words out of weakness,
Skaldir that slander me, lays that do libel,
Fell are my foemen, yet poor is their profit,
And lawsuits are laid for the breaking of bond.


So I have spoken, words wrought of wisdom,
Saying them so is the granting of greatness.
In all the nation, none shall negate them:
All of the aesir esteem my endeavor.

#7 ::: oldster ::: (view all by) ::: September 01, 2015, 07:06 AM:

Dave, that is splendid, and far, far better than he deserves.

#8 ::: David Harmon ::: (view all by) ::: September 01, 2015, 07:57 AM:

Dave Luckett #6: Indeed, impressive, and unnerving in that his position actually makes sense in genre... Indeed, many of our modern troubles come from leaders who think like tribal chieftans.

#9 ::: dotless ı ::: (view all by) ::: September 01, 2015, 09:33 AM:

Dave Luckett@6: That's lovely; and, as David Harmon says, unnerving.

#10 ::: Steve Wright ::: (view all by) ::: September 01, 2015, 09:37 AM:

:: bows in awe at Dave Luckett's skaldic skills ::

#11 ::: Buddha Buck ::: (view all by) ::: September 01, 2015, 09:43 AM:

Dave @6: I thought that was good, until I read it aloud to my partner. Then I thought it was great. Bravo!

#12 ::: Tony Zbaraschuk ::: (view all by) ::: September 01, 2015, 11:17 AM:

Also bows in awe...

#13 ::: Sandy B. ::: (view all by) ::: September 01, 2015, 11:54 AM:

*claps*

#14 ::: Priscilla King ::: (view all by) ::: September 01, 2015, 12:58 PM:

Lauding Luckett, bright-witted bard!

#15 ::: lorax ::: (view all by) ::: September 01, 2015, 01:49 PM:

I sincerely hope that someone has alerted the #BeowulfTrump followers to the existence of Dave Luckett's astonishing contribution. I'm in awe.

#16 ::: pericat ::: (view all by) ::: September 01, 2015, 01:56 PM:

Luckett Loremaster, Weaver of wonders!

#17 ::: David MB ::: (view all by) ::: September 01, 2015, 02:57 PM:

lorax at #15: One Susannah Davis has done so.

#18 ::: Steve C. ::: (view all by) ::: September 01, 2015, 04:57 PM:

Does this make Megyn Kelly Grendel?

#19 ::: Dave Luckett ::: (view all by) ::: September 01, 2015, 10:26 PM:

I am embarrassed. It was done in haste, and there's bits I would fix up. I'm glad it was enjoyed. What else is it for?

Thank you all. Made my week.

#20 ::: Dave Luckett ::: (view all by) ::: September 01, 2015, 10:29 PM:

And Megyn Kelly as Grendel is an interesting idea...

#21 ::: beth meacham ::: (view all by) ::: September 02, 2015, 09:30 AM:

my god, Dave, that's amazing.

#22 ::: Edmund Schweppe ::: (view all by) ::: September 02, 2015, 11:18 AM:

Dave Luckett @6: That's awesome!

#23 ::: Fragano Ledgister ::: (view all by) ::: September 02, 2015, 06:16 PM:

Dave Luckett #6:

Well may we say, of Trump the Clueless,
He was not worthy of such a scop.

#24 ::: Greg M. ::: (view all by) ::: September 02, 2015, 07:13 PM:

Dave Luckett: PUBLICATION-WORTHY. Fantastic sneaky use of "witter." I'd say send it to the New Yorker, but they have no taste (having rejected at least 5 submissions.) But man, you should send that SOMEWHERE that pays.

#25 ::: Dave Luckett ::: (view all by) ::: September 02, 2015, 09:04 PM:

Greg M @ 24:

Thank you. It's free verse, though.

#26 ::: Dave Luckett ::: (view all by) ::: September 02, 2015, 09:07 PM:

Fragano, thank you. Your opinion of verse means a great deal.

#27 ::: Lori Coulson ::: (view all by) ::: September 02, 2015, 09:25 PM:

*raises arms, bows in Dave Luckett's general direction*

"We are not worthy..."

That's the best laugh I've had all day!

#28 ::: Teresa Nielsen Hayden ::: (view all by) ::: September 07, 2015, 06:57 PM:

Thank you, thank you, Dave Luckett.

This thread has been a joy and consolation in what might otherwise have been a very depressing week.

#29 ::: Patrick Nielsen Hayden ::: (view all by) ::: September 07, 2015, 06:59 PM:

Dave, that was outstanding. Very sorry I didn't notice it earlier!

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