The most recent 20 comments posted to Electrolite by Melissa Singer:

Nicely said, Patrick.

As you know, I have an long-standing abhorrence of orchestrated public spectacles of emotion; knowing that yesterday would be difficult for me no matter where I was, physically, I decided to avoid all the public fuss entirely.

I stayed home, which turned out to be a good thing. I had my first (and hopefully last) September 11th-related dream early Wednesday morning, full of fear and that awful _sound_ the buildings made, knowing that my child was there and I was not. This was, of course, totally a creation of my subconscious, as my child is 6 and was nowhere near the place, then or now. But one of the things I most remember about last year is that drumbeat in my head that said you have to get home safely because your child is waiting for you. And you have to do that NOW. No matter what. Which led to my walking to about 7 miles from Times Square well into Queens, all in one go (lizard brain function).

So after that dream, I didn't really sleep, and woke up with a headache so large that having my head squeezed in a vise would have been less painful. And managed to get the kid to school, where they had blessedly decided to have a 9/11 assembly only for the 4th and 5th grades, and allow the lower classes to have a normal day.

Then I went home and watched children's shows on PBS for several hours, until the world stopped spinning and I stopped crying every half an hour or so . . . at which point I became hungy, and went into the kitchen, where I looked at the clock for the first time in several hours, and realized that it was at just about that time, a year ago, that I was able to get my mother on the phone at last, and reconnect with my family for the first time since 8:00 that morning.

Which, to me, shows that my lizard brain was doing its job once again--keeping track, even though I was trying very hard not to keep track.

I saw none of the tv coverage. I think the people who could do that have more strength than I. The few bits of memorial stuff I have been able to watch this week have reduced me to a puddle pretty much every time, even the more technical ones.

Today, I am still grieving. And looking forward to Yom Kippur, which, though also about grief, may help me set this heaviness aside, at least for another year.

I cannot tell you how glad I am to learn that First Fandom has returned to its usual "stability." Like others, I began attending conventions in my teens--I may have been 13 at my first Star Trek convention or comic-con, and I'm now 43. I would not in any way, shape, or form, lay claim to First Fandom on the basis of years of observance.

My dad, a long-time reader, would qualify _if_ he had ever gone to a convention or done any fanac in his youth, but despite living in NYC, he was sheltered from such things. Poor dad.

Patrick: Thanks so much for posting this. I have a large number of friends w/children in Florida, some of who are child advocates and some of whom are connected to DCF. I've forwarded the links all over the place.

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