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May 2, 2013

North Country Computing
Posted by Jim Macdonald at 09:35 PM * 49 comments

North Country Computing Terms

  • Log On: Making the wood stove hotter
  • Log Off: Don’t add any more wood
  • Monitor: Keeping an eye on the wood
  • Download: Getting the wood off the truck
  • Megahertz: When you’re not careful getting the firewood
  • Floppy Disk: What you get from trying to carry too much wood
  • Ram: That thing that splits the wood
  • Hard Drive: Getting home in the winter time in the snow
  • Prompt: What the mail isn’t in the winter time
  • Windows: What you shut when it’s cold outside
  • Screen: What you shut when it’s black fly season
  • Byte: What those dang black flies do
  • Chip: Munchies for the TV
  • Microchip: What’s in the bottom of the munchies bag
  • Modem: What you did to the hay fields
  • Keyboard: Where you hang the keys
  • Software: Those dang plastic forks and knives
  • Mouse: What eats the grain in the barn
  • Mainframe: What holds up the barn roof
  • Port: Fancy wine
  • Random Access Memory: When you can’t remember what you paid for the rifle, when your wife asks.
Comments on North Country Computing:
#1 ::: Xopher Halftongue ::: (view all by) ::: May 02, 2013, 09:47 PM:

I especially like "what you did to the hay fields."

#2 ::: Jim Macdonald ::: (view all by) ::: May 02, 2013, 11:04 PM:

We didn't have a snowstorm on Memorial Day this year. (Haven't had one of them since the year the traveling sculptor came to town and ran off with the elementary school art teacher.) But I see we have wintery weather across the middle of the country -- Michigan, Wisconsin, Iowa, down into Missouri.

Strange kinda year. It was warmer here today than in north Texas.

I fancy that we'll have another unusual summer, weatherwise. That's heck on farmers. I can't find any pie cherries, and word is that last summer's cherry crop was blighted by the drought or what-not.

#3 ::: elise ::: (view all by) ::: May 02, 2013, 11:10 PM:

That last one made me giggle. All of those fit for rural Wisconsin, too.

#4 ::: oldster ::: (view all by) ::: May 02, 2013, 11:14 PM:


goes from the distributor to the sparkplug. If those are working, the problem must be the fuel.

#5 ::: Xopher Halftongue ::: (view all by) ::: May 02, 2013, 11:25 PM:

I'm confused. You didn't have a Memorial Day snowstorm yet. Right?

#6 ::: Debra Doyle ::: (view all by) ::: May 03, 2013, 12:05 AM:

It's the April Fool's Day snowstorm that we already haven't had this year, though we've had impressive ones from time to time.

And there was one year back in the 90's when we had snowflakes in the air in every calendar month.

#7 ::: Jim Macdonald ::: (view all by) ::: May 03, 2013, 12:09 AM:

Memorial Day ... May Day. Pretty much run together in my mind.

#8 ::: thomas ::: (view all by) ::: May 03, 2013, 12:09 AM:

Streaming: condition of your nose midwinter

Twitter: doesn't happen in winter, the birds have flown south

Virus: see `streaming'

#9 ::: HelenS ::: (view all by) ::: May 03, 2013, 12:45 AM:

Ram: That thing that splits the wood

This made me giggle for a different reason: my father's nickname was Ram, and he did in fact enjoy splitting wood.

#10 ::: Xopher Halftongue ::: (view all by) ::: May 03, 2013, 01:19 AM:

Not a fan of May, huh Jim? :-)

Reminds me of the time I somehow got it into my head that Ash Wednesday would be followed immediately by Maundy Thursday, Good Friday...well, it IS how the week progresses. Just skipped right over that whole tiresome Lent thing.

#11 ::: abi ::: (view all by) ::: May 03, 2013, 05:31 AM:

Download: dropping the wood prior to stacking it
Upload: stacking the wood
Laptop: cat, child or quilt
Tablet: it was a table, but it was a long winter and we ran out of other wood
Kindle: ...

#12 ::: Cadbury Moose ::: (view all by) ::: May 03, 2013, 07:38 AM:

Power Down - goose feather quilt.
Network - what fishermen do.
Bus - takes the kids to school.
Backup tape - stronger than spit, weaker than nails

#13 ::: Cal Dunn ::: (view all by) ::: May 03, 2013, 07:50 AM:

FrontPage: where the important news is
Publisher: the person who decides what's on the front page
PageMaker: the person who prints the front page
Photoshop: where you drop off your film
Photoshop Elements: door, counter, walls, etc
Dreamweaver: I believe you can get me through the night

#14 ::: Cal Dunn ::: (view all by) ::: May 03, 2013, 08:10 AM:

Xopher @10: the first time I ever heard "Ash Wednesday" was on news reports of the 1983 Ash Wednesday bushfires in south-east Australia (which were devastating - over a million acres burnt in one day, and 75 people died). It took me an embarrassingly long time to realise that people weren't actually commemorating the fires every year.

#15 ::: xeger ::: (view all by) ::: May 03, 2013, 08:14 AM:

search engine - what you do after the last one seized

#16 ::: Fragano Ledgister ::: (view all by) ::: May 03, 2013, 08:24 AM:

I used to use a machete to split logs. Took a while too.

#17 ::: Fragano Ledgister ::: (view all by) ::: May 03, 2013, 08:25 AM:

Abi: Tablet was what we took for headaches.

#18 ::: abi ::: (view all by) ::: May 03, 2013, 09:09 AM:

Cell: give someone something in exchange for money
Cellphone: give someone a telephone in exchange for money
Mobile: has wheels
Bar: the place with the booze
Reception: the place with the receptionist
Text: the book you use at school
Voicemail: bass, baritone, or tenor

#19 ::: Laura Runkle ::: (view all by) ::: May 03, 2013, 09:49 AM:

Slash: What you do before you put the loaf of bread in the oven.
Dot: The waitress at the cafe who hates jokes about Kansas.

#20 ::: Mary Aileen ::: (view all by) ::: May 03, 2013, 09:51 AM:

Web: What spiders spin

#21 ::: Jon Meltzer ::: (view all by) ::: May 03, 2013, 10:03 AM:

Unix: people that can't handle North Country weather

#22 ::: Fragano Ledgister ::: (view all by) ::: May 03, 2013, 10:28 AM:

Abi #18: Bar: What Dan'l Boon cilled.

#23 ::: Jim Macdonald ::: (view all by) ::: May 03, 2013, 11:50 AM:

Cell: Where the cops take you when they stop you for DUI.
Cell Phone: You're allowed to make one to your lawyer after you're arrested.

#24 ::: Cally Soukup ::: (view all by) ::: May 03, 2013, 11:53 AM:

Click: Those stuck-up kids at school.
Sites: What you look at the deer through on your shotgun.
Drag: How you get the dead deer to the truck.

#25 ::: Jim Macdonald ::: (view all by) ::: May 03, 2013, 12:05 PM:

Screen: What keeps the mosquitoes out of your house.
Router: You want one for your wood shop.
Flatbed Scanner: Someone who looks for trucks.
Pixel: Wasn't Tinkerbell one of those?

#26 ::: Paul A. ::: (view all by) ::: May 03, 2013, 12:30 PM:

Mary Aileen @ #20: Web: What spiders spin

Web site: Where spiders spin
Web crawler: Spider

#27 ::: P J Evans ::: (view all by) ::: May 03, 2013, 12:34 PM:

Flatbed scanner: someone who inspects trucks. Or their loads.

#28 ::: Anne Sheller ::: (view all by) ::: May 03, 2013, 12:58 PM:

Internet: fish that have been caught.

#29 ::: Debbie ::: (view all by) ::: May 03, 2013, 01:19 PM:

phishing: what you can do at the lake in the summer, and at the phrozen lake in the winter.

spam: what you might have to eat if you get snowed in too long.

#30 ::: Fragano Ledgister ::: (view all by) ::: May 03, 2013, 01:32 PM:

Smart phone: One that knows not to ring during dinner.

#31 ::: abi ::: (view all by) ::: May 03, 2013, 01:36 PM:

Easter egg: What you color with vinegar dye
Flash: What that man with the trenchcoat did, Officer
json: The guy who runs the hardware store
jsonp: Why the snow back behind the hardware store is yellow

#32 ::: Paul M ::: (view all by) ::: May 03, 2013, 05:12 PM:

Since Jim already got Windows....

Mac: Bartender

#33 ::: Brooks Moses ::: (view all by) ::: May 04, 2013, 12:47 AM:

There's an amusing coincidence in reading this immediately after reading Scalzi's "Man leaves internet, is still himself" post.

Meanwhile: Internet: Where you want the fish to be.

#34 ::: thomas ::: (view all by) ::: May 04, 2013, 03:31 AM:

ajax: scouring powder
bios: people you give stuff to in exchange for money

#35 ::: Cal Dunn ::: (view all by) ::: May 04, 2013, 05:31 AM:

Online: you have just caught a fish
Offline: you have no longer caught a fish
Bit bucket: where you keep the bait

#36 ::: Fragano Ledgister ::: (view all by) ::: May 04, 2013, 11:05 AM:

Dumb phone: One that always **** rings at the precisely wrong moment.

Clamshell: Natural container of clams.

Mobile phone: The one flying through the window after you've just taken it from your annoying teen.

Thumb drive: What you just did with a hammer.

#37 ::: CaseyL ::: (view all by) ::: May 04, 2013, 11:41 AM:

Boot: What you put on your feet.
Soft Boot: No hobnails.
Hard Boot: What the door-to-door salespest gets in their ASCI.

#38 ::: CaseyL ::: (view all by) ::: May 04, 2013, 11:51 AM:

Expanding to non-tech terms, because this is fun:

Slide rule: Deciding whether the runner was tagged or not.
Paradigm: What a candy bar cost when I was a kid.
Leveraging: How you get the truck up so you can change the tire
Bitcoin: How they used to figure out if it was real gold.

#39 ::: Mary Aileen ::: (view all by) ::: May 04, 2013, 02:12 PM:

CaseyL (38): You must be younger than I am. When I was a kid, a paradigm would buy two candy bars.

#40 ::: HelenS ::: (view all by) ::: May 04, 2013, 04:55 PM:

I thought CaseyL meant a pair of candy bars for a dime (which was the case just before my time -- my older sister said there were five-cent and ten-cent candy bars, and the ten-cent ones were too big for her to eat all at once).

#41 ::: Debbie ::: (view all by) ::: May 04, 2013, 04:55 PM:

Plug 'n' play -- the jukebox they used to have over at the diner.

Mother board: PTA

#42 ::: P J Evans ::: (view all by) ::: May 04, 2013, 05:05 PM:

In my family the mother board was on the wall next to the fridge.

#43 ::: Mary Aileen ::: (view all by) ::: May 04, 2013, 05:45 PM:

HelenS (40): OK, that interpretation makes at least as much sense as mine; it would make Casey a little older than I am, not a little younger.

#44 ::: P J Evans ::: (view all by) ::: May 04, 2013, 07:34 PM:

Kilohertz: really bad pain

#45 ::: philsuth ::: (view all by) ::: May 05, 2013, 06:47 AM:

Iphone: That Russki neighbor who lends a hand in apple-pickin' season.

#46 ::: HenryR ::: (view all by) ::: May 05, 2013, 01:29 PM:

Thumb Drive: The truck has power steering.
Jump Drive: "Damn! That was a big moose!"
Cat-5: No mice in our house.

#47 ::: Cally Soukup ::: (view all by) ::: May 05, 2013, 09:27 PM:

Youtube: That pipe under the sink.

#48 ::: Lee ::: (view all by) ::: May 05, 2013, 09:58 PM:

Scuzzy Drive: It's been under the bed with the dust bunnies

#49 ::: HelenS ::: (view all by) ::: May 05, 2013, 10:33 PM:

Infodump: coming along in the truck when we drop off the old mattress
Bill Gates: necessary part of buildin' them fences
Captcha: the leftover tobacco you stashed in your hat

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