Tomorrow, O my friends, the doors open for applications to the Viable Paradise Writers’ Workshop.

Submissions run from the First of January through the Fifteenth of June. Viable Paradise (have we really been doing this for seventeen years?) will be held at the Island Inn on Martha’s Vineyard from Sunday, October 13th, through Friday, October 18th, 2013.

The instructors are the Lovely and Talented Miss Teresa, the Handsome and Witty Mr. Patrick, Dr. Debra “The Black Goat Of A Thousand Young” Doyle, the Hugo-Winning Yet Oddly Approachable Elizabeth Bear, Steve With A Hat Brust, Steve Without A Hat But With A Movie Gould, Sherwood the YA Goddess Smith, and me.

So, what is VP best known for (aside from the scintillating conversation, the brilliant stories, and the lasting camaraderie amongst its graduates (those who make it past Thursday Night))?

The food.

Note with appalled wonder:

• Pancakes drenched in real maple syrup.
• The Lime Pie that is exactly like a short story.
• Gibsons.
• Lest you think it all too heart-healthy, Chili-Dog Casserole.
• Or, it may actually be heart-healthy, as the Queen of the Staffies, Mac Stone, talks about Cooking with Kale.

What else? Well, we also teach how to write commercial science fiction.

Heh, yeah, I guess you had to have been there. The point is, you can.

Luke 2:1-14, Anglo-Saxon (via):

Soþlice on þam dagum wæs geworden gebod fram þam casere Augusto, þæt eall ymbehwyrft wære tomearcod. Þeos tomearcodnes wæs æryst geworden fram þam deman Syrige Cirino. And ealle hig eodon, and syndrige ferdon on hyra ceastre. Ða ferde Iosep fram Galilea of þære ceastre Nazareth on Iudeisce ceastre Dauides, seo is genemned Beþleem, for þam þe he wæs of Dauides huse and hirede; þæt he ferde mid Marian þe him beweddod wæs, and wæs geeacnod. Soþlice wæs geworden þa hi þar wæron, hire dagas wæron gefyllede þæt heo cende. And heo cende hyre frumcennedan sunu, and hine mid cildclaþum bewand, and hine on binne alede, for þam þe hig næfdon rum on cumena huse. And hyrdas wæron on þam ylcan rice waciende, and nihtwæccan healdende ofer heora heorda. Þa stod Drihtnes engel wiþ hig, and Godes beorhtnes him ymbe scean; and hi him mycelum ege adredon. And se engel him to cwæð, Nelle ge eow adrædan; soþlice nu ic eow bodie mycelne gefean, se bið eallum folce; for þam to dæg eow ys Hælend acenned, se is Drihten Crist, on Dauides ceastre. And þis tacen eow byð: Ge gemetað an cild hræglum bewunden, and on binne aled. And þa wæs færinga geworden mid þam engle mycelnes heofenlices werydes, God heriendra and þus cweþendra, Gode sy wuldor on heahnesse, and on eorðan sybb mannum godes willan.

…

Luke 2:1-20, tr. John Wycliffe, 1382 (via)

And it was don in tho daies, a maundement wente out fro the emperour August, that al the world schulde be discryued. :: This firste discryuyng was maad of Cyryn, iustice of Sirie. :: And alle men wenten to make professioun, ech in to his owne citee. :: And Joseph wente vp fro Galilee, fro the citee Nazareth, in to Judee, in to a citee of Dauid, that is clepid Bethleem, for that he was of the hous and of the meyne of Dauid, :: that he schulde knouleche with Marie, his wijf, that was weddid to hym, and was greet with child. :: And it was don, while thei weren there, the daies weren fulfillid, that sche schulde bere child. :: And sche bare hir first borun sone, and wlappide hym in clothis, and leide hym in a cratche, for ther was no place to hym in no chaumbir. :: And scheepherdis weren in the same cuntre, wakynge and kepynge the watchis of the nyyt on her flok. :: And lo! the aungel of the Lord stood bisidis hem, and the cleernesse of God schinede aboute hem; and thei dredden with greet drede. :: And the aungel seide to hem, Nyle ye drede; for lo! Y preche to you a greet ioye, that schal be to al puple. :: For a sauyoure is borun to dai to you, that is Crist the Lord, in the citee of Dauid. :: And this is a tokene to you; ye schulen fynde a yong child wlappid in clothis, and leid in a cratche. :: And sudenli ther was maad with the aungel a multitude of heuenli knyythod, heriynge God, :: and seiynge, Glorie be in the hiyeste thingis to God, and in erthe pees be to men of good wille. :: And it was don, as the aungelis passiden awei fro hem in to heuene, the scheephirdis spaken togider, and seiden, Go we ouer to Bethleem, and se we this word that is maad, which the Lord hath maad, and schewide to vs. :: And thei hiyynge camen, and founden Marie and Joseph, and the yong child leid in a cratche. :: And thei seynge, knewen of the word that was seid to hem of this child. :: And alle men that herden wondriden, and of these thingis that weren seid to hem of the scheephirdis. :: But Marie kepte alle these wordis, berynge togider in hir herte. :: And the scheepherdis turneden ayen, glorifyinge and heriynge God in alle thingis that thei hadden herd and seyn, as it was seid to hem.

…

Luke 2:1-20, tr. William Tyndale, 1530

And it chaunced in thoose dayes: yt ther went oute a comaundment from Auguste the Emperour that all the woorlde shuld be taxed. :: And this taxynge was ye fyrst and executed when Syrenius was leftenaut in Syria. :: And every man went vnto his awne citie to be taxed. :: And Ioseph also ascended from Galile oute of a cite called Nazareth into Iurie: vnto ye cite of David which is called Bethleem because he was of the housse and linage of David :: to be taxed with Mary his spoused wyfe which was with chylde. :: And it fortuned whyll they were there her tyme was come that she shuld be delyvered. :: And she brought forth her fyrst begotten sonne and wrapped him in swadlynge cloothes and layed him in a manger because ther was no roume for them within in the ynne. :: And ther were in the same region shepherdes abydinge in the felde and watching their flocke by nyght. :: And loo: the angell of ye lorde stode harde by them and the brightnes of ye lorde shone rounde aboute them and they were soare afrayed. :: But the angell sayd vnto them: Be not afrayed. For beholde I bringe you tydinges of greate ioye yt shal come to all ye people: :: for vnto you is borne this daye in the cite of David a saveoure which is Christ ye lorde. :: And take this for a signe: ye hall fynde ye chylde swadled and layed in a mager. :: And streight waye ther was with the angell a multitude of hevenly sowdiers laudynge God and sayinge: :: Glory to God an hye and peace on the erth: and vnto men reioysynge. :: And it fortuned assone as the angels were gone awaye fro them in to heven the shepherdes sayd one to another: let vs goo eve vnto Bethleem and se this thynge that is hapened which the Lorde hath shewed vnto vs. :: And they cam with haste and founde Mary and Ioseph and the babe layde in a mager. :: And when they had sene it they publisshed a brode the sayinge which was tolde them of that chylde. :: And all that hearde it wondred at those thinges which were tolde the of the shepherdes. :: But Mary kept all thoose sayinges and pondered them in hyr hert. :: And the shepherdes retourned praysinge and laudinge God for all that they had herde and sene evyn as it was told vnto them.

…

Luke 2:1-20, tr. Miles Coverdale, 1535

It fortuned at the same tyme, that there wete out a comaundement fro Augustus the Emperoure, that the whole worlde shulde be taxed. And this taxynge was the first that was executed, whan Syrenius was leftenaunt in Siria. And they wente all, euery one to his owne cite to be taxed. Then Ioseph gat him vp also fro Galile, out of the cite of Nazareth, in to Iewry, to ye cite of Dauid, which is called Bethleem, (because he was of ye house and lynage of Dauid) that he might be taxed wt Mary his spoused wife, which was wt childe. And it fortuned whyle they were there, ye tyme was come, that she shulde be delyuered. And she brought forth hir first begotte sonne, & wrapped him in swadlinge clothes, and layed him in a maunger: for they had els no rowme in the ynne.

And there were in ye same region shepherdes in the felde by the foldes, and watchinge their flocke by night. And beholde, ye angell of the Lorde stode by the, and ye brightnes of the Lorde shone rounde aboute them, and they were sore afrayed. And the angell sayde vnto them: Be not afrayed. Beholde, I brynge you tydiges of greate ioye, which shall happen vnto all people: for vnto you this daye is borne ye Sauioure, eue Christ ye Lorde, in the cite of Dauid. And take this for a token: Ye shal fynde the babe swadled, and layed in a maunger. And straight waye there was by the angell a multitude of heauenly hoostes, which praysed God, and sayde: Glory be vnto God an hye, & peace vpon earth, and vnto men a good wyll.

And it fortuned wha the angels were gone from the in to heaue, the shepherdes sayde one to another: let vs go now euen vnto Bethleem, and se this thinge that is happened, which ye Lorde hath shewed vnto vs. And they came wt haist, & founde both Mary and Ioseph, & the babe layed in ye maunger. And whan they had sene it, they published abrode the sayenge, yt was tolde the of this childe. And all they that herde it, wondred at the wordes, which the shepherdes had tolde them. But Mary kepte all these sayenges, and pondred them in hir hert. And the shepherdes returned, praysinge and laudinge God, for all that they had herde and sene, euen as it was tolde them.

…

Luke 2:1-14, King James Version, 1611

And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Caesar Augustus that all the world should be taxed. (And this taxing was first made when Cyrenius was governor of Syria.) And all went to be taxed, every one into his own city.

And Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judea, unto the city of David, which is called Bethlehem (because he was of the house and lineage of David), to be taxed with Mary his espoused wife, she being great with child.

And so it was that while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should be delivered; and she brought forth her first-born son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes; and laid him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn.

And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them, and they were sore afraid.

And the angel said unto them, Fear not; for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day, in the city of David, a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you: That ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, and lying in a manger.

And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host, praising God, and saying, Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.

…

Luke 2:1-14 - Δοξα εν υψιστοις θεω, και επι γης ειρηνη εν ανθρωποις ευδοκιας
εγενετο δε εν ταις ημεραις εκειναις εξηλθεν δογμα παρα καισαρος αυγουστου απογραφεσθαι πασαν την οικουμενην
    αυτη απογραφη πρωτη εγενετο ηγεμονευοντος της συριας κυρηνιου
    και επορευοντο παντες απογραφεσθαι εκαστος εις την εαυτου πολιν
    ανεβη δε και ιωσηφ απο της γαλιλαιας εκ πολεως ναζαρεθ εις την ιουδαιαν εις πολιν δαυιδ ητις καλειται βηθλεεμ δια το ειναι αυτον εξ οικου και πατριας δαυιδ
    απογραψασθαι συν μαριαμ τη εμνηστευμενη αυτω ουση εγκυω
    εγενετο δε εν τω ειναι αυτους εκει επλησθησαν αι ημεραι του τεκειν αυτην
    και ετεκεν τον υιον αυτης τον πρωτοτοκον και εσπαργανωσεν αυτον και ανεκλινεν αυτον εν φατνη διοτι ουκ ην αυτοις τοπος εν τω καταλυματι
    και ποιμενες ησαν εν τη χωρα τη αυτη αγραυλουντες και φυλασσοντες φυλακας της νυκτος επι την ποιμνην αυτων
    και αγγελος κυριου επεστη αυτοις και δοξα κυριου περιελαμψεν αυτους και εφοβηθησαν φοβον μεγαν
    και ειπεν αυτοις ο αγγελος μη φοβεισθε ιδου γαρ ευαγγελιζομαι υμιν χαραν μεγαλην ητις εσται παντι τω λαω
    οτι ετεχθη υμιν σημερον σωτηρ ος εστιν χριστος κυριος εν πολει δαυιδ
    και τουτο υμιν το σημειον ευρησετε βρεφος εσπαργανωμενον και κειμενον εν φατνη
    και εξαιφνης εγενετο συν τω αγγελω πληθος στρατιας ουρανιου αινουντων τον θεον και λεγοντων
    δοξα εν υψιστοις θεω και επι γης ειρηνη εν ανθρωποις ευδοκιας

(Thank you, Nick Whyte.)

…

Luke 2:1-20 in Old Church Slavonic:

мѣсѧца дєкѧбр҄ја иг въ навєчєриѥ рождьства хрьстова єванћєлиѥ отъ лѹкъі глава в въ оно врѣмѧ изідє заповѣдь отъ кєсарѣ авгоста напісаті в҄сѫ вьсєлєнѫѭ | сє напісаніє пръвоє бъістъ владѫщѹ сѹрієѭ и кѵрінієѭ | и идѣахѫ вьсі напісатъ сѧ кьждо въ свои градъ | вьзідє жє иосіфь отъ галілєѧ и града назарєтьска вь июдєѭ вь градъ давъідовъ іжє наріцаєтъ сѧ віѳлєємь занє бѣашє отъ домѹ и отьчьствіѣ давъідова | напісатъ сѧ съ марієѭ обрѫчєнѫѭ ємѹ жєноѭ сѫштєѭ нєпраздъноѭ | бъістъ жє єгда бъістє тѹ исплънишѧ сѧ дєниє да родітъ | и роді съінъ свои пръвѣнєць и обитъі и и положі и въ ѣслєхъ занє нє бѣ има мѣста въ обитѣли | и пастъирі бѣахѫ въ тоиждє ст҄ранѣ бъдѧщє и стрѣгѫщє стражѫ нощьнѫѭ о стадѣ своємъ | и сє анћєлъ господьнь ста вь нихъ и слава господьнѣ осіѣ ѧ и ѹбоѣшѧ сѧ ст҄рахомъ вєлиємъ | и рєчє имъ анћєлъ нє боитє сѧ сє бо благовѣщаѭ вамъ радость вєліѭ ѣжє бѫдєт бьсѣмь людємъ | ѣко роді сѧ вамъ съпасъ іжє єстъ христъ господь въ градѣ давъідовѣ | и сє вамъ з҄намєниє обрѧстєтє младьнєць повітъ и лєжѧшть вь ѣслєхъ | и вънєзаапѫ бъістъ съ ангѣломъ м҄ножьство вои нєбєснъіих хвалѧштиихъ бога и глаголѭшть | сла въ въішніих богѹ и на зєми миръ въ чловѣцѣхъ благоволєниє | и бъістъ ѣко отідѫ оть ніхъ анћєлі на нєбо и чловѣци пастъирі рѣшѧ дрѹгь кь дрѹгѹ прѣидѣмъ ѹбо до віѳлєома и відімъ глаголь сь бъівьшіи єгожє господь съказа нам | и прѣидѫ под҄вігьшє сѧ и обрѣтѫ маріѭ и иосифа и младьнєць лєжѧшть вь ѣслєхъ | видѣвъшє жє ськазашѧ о глаголѣ глаголанѣмь о отрочѧті сємъ | и въсі слъішавъшє дівішѧ сѧ о глаголанъіихъ отъ пастъирь кь німъ | маріѣ жє вьсѧ съблюдаашє глаголъі сіи въ срьдьци своємъ | и възвратішѧ сѧ пастъірі славѧштє и хвалѧштє бога о в҄сѣхъ ѣжє слъішашѧ и відѣшѧ ѣкожє глаголано бъисть кь нимъ |

(Thank you, Xopher)

…

Vulgate: Luke 2:1-14

Factum est autem in diebus illis, exiit edictum a Cæsare Augusto ut describeretur universus orbis. Hæc descriptio prima facta est a præside Syriæ Cyrino: et ibant omnes ut profiterentur singuli in suam civitatem. Ascendit autem et Joseph a Galilæa de civitate Nazareth in Judæam, in civitatem David, quæ vocatur Bethlehem: eo quod esset de domo et familia David, ut profiteretur cum Maria desponsata sibi uxore prægnante. Factum est autem, cum essent ibi, impleti sunt dies ut pareret. Et peperit filium suum primogenitum, et pannis eum involvit, et reclinavit eum in præsepio: quia non erat eis locus in diversorio. Et pastores erant in regione eadem vigilantes, et custodientes vigilias noctis super gregem suum. Et ecce angelus Domini stetit juxta illos, et claritas Dei circumfulsit illos, et timuerunt timore magno. Et dixit illis angelus: Nolite timere: ecce enim evangelizo vobis gaudium magnum, quod erit omni populo: quia natus est vobis hodie Salvator, qui est Christus Dominus, in civitate David. Et hoc vobis signum: invenietis infantem pannis involutum, et positum in præsepio. Et subito facta est cum angelo multitudo militiæ cælestis laudantium Deum, et dicentium: [Gloria in altissimis Deo, et in terra pax hominibus bonæ voluntatis.]

(Thank you, Sisuile.)

…

Luke 2:14 in Gothic

Warth than in dagans jainans. urrann gagrefts fram kaisara Agustau gameljan allana midjungard. soh than gilstrameleins frumista warth at wisandin kindina Swriais raginondin Saurim Kwreinaiau. jah iddjedun allai ei melidai weseina. hwarjizuh in seinai baurg. urrann than jah Iosef us Galeilaia. us baurg Nazaraith in Iudaian. in baurg Daweidis sei haitada Bethlaihaim duthe ei was us garda fadreinais Daweidis. anameljan mith Mariin. sei in fragiftim was imma qeins. wisandein inkilthon. warth than miththanei. tho wesun jainar. usfullnodedun dagos du bairan izai jah gabar sunu seinana thana frumabaur. jah biwand ina jah galagida ina in uzetin. unte ni was im rumis in stada thamma.

jah hairdjos wesun in thamma samin landa, thairhwakandans jah witandans wahtwom nahts ufaro hairdai seinai. ith aggilus fraujins anaqam ins jah wulthus fraujins biskain ins, jah ohtedun agisa mikilamma. jah qath du im sa aggilus: ni ogeith, unte sai, spillo izwis faheid mikila, sei wairthith allai managein, thatei gabaurans ist izwis himma daga nasjands, saei ist Xristus frauja, in baurg Daweidis. jah thata izwis taikns: bigitid barn biwundan jah galagid in uzetin. jah anaks warth mith thamma aggilau managei harjis himinakundis hazjandane guth jah qithandane:

wulthus in hauhistjam guda
jah ana airthai gawairthi in mannam godis wiljins.

(Thank you, Lisa Spangenberg, a.k.a. the Digital Medievalist; who in turn gives credit to “Jim Marchand, medievalist extraordinaire.”) (see also)

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Luke 2:1-14 in Lallans Scots

About this time the Emperor Augustus pat furth an edick ordeinin at aa the fowk i the haill warld suid be registrate. This wis whan Quirinius wis Governor o Syria, an it wis the first time at siccan a thing hed been dune. Sae aabodie gaed tae be registrate, ilkane til his ain toun, Joseph amang the lave.

He belanged til the stock an faimlie o Dauvit, an sae it was wis tae Dauvit’s Toun, Bethlehem in Judaea, at he gaed doun frae Nazareth in Galilee for tae gie in his name, takkin Mary, at wis haundfastit til him, wi him. She wis boukin gin this; an whan they war in Bethlehem, she cam til her time an brocht hame her first-born son. She swealed the bairn in a barrie an beddit him in a heck, sin there wis nae room for them intil the inn.

Nou, i that same pairt the war a wheen herds bidin thereout on the hill an keepin gaird owre their hrisel at nicht. Suddent an angel o the Lord cam an stuid afore them, an the glorie o the Lord shined about them, an they war uncolie frichtit. But the angel said tae them: Binna nane afeard, I bring ye guid news o gryte blytheness for the haill fowk—this day in Dauvit’s Town a saviour hes born til ye, Christ the Lord! This gate ye s’ken it is een as I say: ye will finnd a new-born bairn swealed in a barrie an liggin intil a heck.

Syne in a gliff an unco thrang o the airmies o hieven kythed aside the angel, glein laud tae God an liltin:

Glore tae God i the heicht o heiven, an peace on the yird tae men he delytes in!

(Thank you, Lee Sandlin.)

…

Luke 2:1-14 in Swedish, trans. 2000

Vid den tiden utfärdade kejsar Augustus en förordning om att hela världen skulle skattskrivas. Det var den första skattskrivningen, och den hölls när Quirinius var ståthållare i Syrien. Alla gick då för att skattskriva sig, var och en till sin stad. Och Josef, som genom sin härkomst hörde till Davids hus, begav sig från Nasaret i Galileen upp till Judeen, till Davids stad Betlehem, för att skattskriva sig tillsammans med Maria, sin trolovade, som väntade sitt barn. Medan de befann sig där var tiden inne för henne att föda, och hon födde sin son, den förstfödde. Hon lindade honom och lade honom i en krubba, eftersom det inte fanns plats för dem inne i härbärget. I samma trakt låg några herdar ute och vaktade sin hjord om natten. Då stod Herrens ängel framför dem och Herrens härlighet lyste omkring dem, och de greps av stor förfäran. Men ängeln sade till dem: “Var inte rädda. Jag bär bud till er om en stor glädje, en glädje för hela folket. I dag har en frälsare fötts åt er i Davids stad, han är Messias, Herren. Och detta är tecknet för er: ni skall finna ett nyfött barn som är lindat och ligger i en krubba.” Och plötsligt var där tillsammans med ängeln en stor himmelsk här som prisade Gud:

“Ära i höjden åt Gud
och på jorden fred åt dem han har utvalt.”

…

Luke 2:1-14 in Swedish, trans. 1917

Och det hände sig vid den tiden att från kejsar Augustus utgick ett påbud att hela världen skulle skattskrivas. Detta var den första skattskrivningen, och den hölls, när Kvirinius var landshövding över Syrien. Då färdades alla var och en till sin stad, för att låta skattskriva sig. Så gjorde ock Josef; och eftersom han var av Davids hus och släkt, for han från staden Nasaret i Galileen upp till Davids stad, som heter Betlehem, i Judeen, för att låta skattskriva sig jämte Maria, sin trolovade, som var havande. Medan de voro där, hände sig att tiden var inne, då hon skulle föda. Och hon födde sin förstfödde son och lindade honom och lade honom i en krubba, ty det fanns icke rum för dem i härbärget. I samma nejd voro då några herdar ute på marken och höllo vakt om natten över sin hjord. Då stod en Herrens ängel framför dem, och Herrens härlighet kringstrålade dem; och de blevo mycket förskräckta. Men ängeln sade till dem: »Varen icke förskräckta. Se, jag bådar eder en stor glädje, som skall vederfaras allt folket. Ty i dag har en Frälsare blivit född åt eder i Davids stad, och han är Messias, Herren. Och detta skall för eder vara tecknet: I skolen finna ett nyfött barn, som ligger lindat i en krubba.» I detsamma sågs där jämte ängeln en stor hop av den himmelska härskaran, och de lovade Gud och sade:

»Ära vare Gud i höjden, och frid på jorden,
bland människor till vilka han har behag!» <

…

Luke 2:1-14 in Swedish, trans. 1541 - Gustavus Vasa’s bible, translated from Martin Luther’s bible

Thet begaff sigh j then tijdhen, at aff Keysar Augusto vthgick itt bodh, at all werlden skulle beskattas. Och thenna beskatning war then första, och skeedde vnder then Höffdingen offuer Syrien, Kyrenio. Och the gingo alle hwar vthi sin stadh, til at läta beskatta sigh. Så foor ock Joseph vp aff Galilea, aff then stadhen Nazareth in vthi Judeska landet, til Dauidz stadh, som heter Bethlehem, Ty han war aff Dauidz hws och slecht, på thet han skulle låta beskatta sigh medh Maria sijn troloffuadha hustru, hwilken haffuandes war. Så begaff sigh medhan the woro ther, wordo daghanar fulbordadhe, at hon skulle födha. Och hon födde sin förstfödda Son, och swepte honom j lindaklädher, och ladhe honom nedher j een krubbo, Ty them war icke rwm j herberghena. Och j then samma egnden woro någhre Heerdar, the ther wakadhe och höllo wård om nattena offuer sin hiord. Och sij, Herrans Ängel stoodh när them, och Herrans klarheet kringskeen them, och the wordo stoorligha förfäradhe. Och sadhe Ängelen til them, Warer icke förfäradhe, Sij, iagh bodhar idher stoor glädhi, hwilken allo folckena widerfaras skal, Ty jdagh är idher födder Frelsaren, som är Christus Herren, j Dauidz stadh. Och thetta skal wara idher för tekn. J skole finna Barnet swept j lindaklädher, nedherlagdt j een krubbo. Och strax wardt medh Ängelen itt stoort taal aff then himmelska häärskaran, the ther loffuadhe Gudh, och sadhe, Ära ware Gudh j högden, Och på jordenne fridh, Och menniskiomen en godh wilie.

(Thank you, Mikael Johansson.)

…

Nederlandse Statenvertaling (1637), Lukas 2:1-20

1 En het geschiedde in diezelfde dagen, dat er een gebod uitging van den Keizer Augustus, dat de gehele wereld beschreven zou worden.
2 Deze eerste beschrijving geschiedde, als Cyrenius over Syrie stadhouder was.
3 En zij gingen allen om beschreven te worden, een iegelijk naar zijn eigen stad.
4 En Jozef ging ook op van Galilea, uit de stad Nazareth, naar Judea, tot de stad Davids, die Bethlehem genaamd wordt, (omdat hij uit het huis en geslacht van David was);
5 Om beschreven te worden met Maria, zijn ondertrouwde vrouw, welke bevrucht was.
6 En het geschiedde, als zij daar waren, dat de dagen vervuld werden, dat zij baren zoude.
7 En zij baarde haar eerstgeboren Zoon, en wond Hem in doeken, en legde Hem neder in de kribbe, omdat voor henlieden geen plaats was in de herberg.
8 En er waren herders in diezelfde landstreek, zich houdende in het veld, en hielden de nachtwacht over hun kudde.
9 En ziet, een engel des Heeren stond bij hen, en de heerlijkheid des Heeren omscheen hen, en zij vreesden met grote vreze.
10 En de engel zeide tot hen: Vreest niet, want, ziet, ik verkondig u grote blijdschap, die al den volke wezen zal;
11 Namelijk dat u heden geboren is de Zaligmaker, welke is Christus, de Heere, in de stad Davids.
12 En dit zal u het teken zijn: gij zult het Kindeken vinden in doeken gewonden, en liggende in de kribbe.
13 En van stonde aan was er met den engel een menigte des hemelsen heirlegers, prijzende God en zeggende:
14 Ere zij God in de hoogste hemelen, en vrede op aarde, in de mensen een welbehagen.
15 En het geschiedde, als de engelen van hen weggevaren waren naar de hemel, dat de herders tot elkander zeiden: Laat ons dan heengaan naar Bethlehem, en laat ons zien het woord, dat er geschied is, hetwelk de Heere ons heeft verkondigd.
16 En zij kwamen met haast, en vonden Maria en Jozef, en het Kindeken liggende in de kribbe.
17 En als zij Het gezien hadden, maakten zij alom bekend het woord, dat hun van dit Kindeken gezegd was.
18 En allen, die het hoorden, verwonderden zich over hetgeen hun gezegd werd van de herders.
19 Doch Maria bewaarde deze woorden alle te zamen, overleggende die in haar hart.
20 En de herders keerde wederom, verheerlijkende en prijzende God over alles, wat zij gehoord en gezien hadden, gelijk tot hen gesproken was.

Luke 2:1-14 in Portuguese:

1. Naqueles tempos apareceu um decreto de César Augusto, ordenando o recenseamento de toda a terra.
2. Este recenseamento foi feito antes do governo de Quirino, na Síria.
3. Todos iam alistar-se, cada um na sua cidade.
4. Também José subiu da Galiléia, da cidade de Nazaré, à Judéia, à Cidade de Davi, chamada Belém, porque era da casa e família de Davi,
5. para se alistar com a sua esposa Maria, que estava grávida.
6. Estando eles ali, completaram-se os dias dela.
7. E deu à luz seu filho primogênito, e, envolvendo-o em faixas, reclinou-o num presépio; porque não havia lugar para eles na hospedaria.
8. Havia nos arredores uns pastores, que vigiavam e guardavam seu rebanho nos campos durante as vigílias da noite.
9. Um anjo do Senhor apareceu-lhes e a glória do Senhor refulgiu ao redor deles, e tiveram grande temor.
10. O anjo disse-lhes: Não temais, eis que vos anuncio uma boa nova que será alegria para todo o povo:
11. hoje vos nasceu na Cidade de Davi um Salvador, que é o Cristo Senhor.
12. Isto vos servirá de sinal: achareis um recém-nascido envolto em faixas e posto numa manjedoura.
13. E subitamente ao anjo se juntou uma multidão do exército celeste, que louvava a Deus e dizia:
14. Glória a Deus no mais alto dos céus e na terra paz aos homens, objetos da benevolência (divina).

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Lik 2:1-14 en Kreyòl Ayisyen (Haitian)

1. Lè sa a, Seza Ogis te bay lòd pou yo te konte dènye moun ki nan peyi l’ap gouvènen yo. :: 2. Premye travay sa a te fèt nan tan Kireniyis t’ap kòmande nan peyi yo rele Siri a. :: 3. Tout moun te al fè pran non yo nan lavil kote fanmi yo te soti. :: 4. Jozèf te rete nan peyi Galile, nan yon bouk yo rele Nazarèt. Men, paske li te moun nan fanmi ak ras David, li moute, li ale nan Jide, nan lavil David yo rele Betleyèm lan. :: 5. Jozèf tapral fè yo pran non l’ ansanm ak non Mari, fiyanse li, ki te ansent. :: 6. Antan yo te la, jou pou Mari te akouche a rive. :: 7. Li fè premye pitit li a, yon ti gason. Mari vlope pitit la nan kouchèt, li mete l’ kouche nan yon kay kote yo bay bèt manje, paske pa t’ gen plas pou yo nan lotèl la. :: 8. Nan menm zòn sa a, te gen gadò mouton ki t’ap pase nwit la deyò ap veye mouton yo. :: 9. Lè sa a, yon zanj Bondye parèt devan yo, bèl limyè Bondye a klere tout kote yo te ye a. Yo te pè anpil. :: 10. Men zanj lan di yo konsa: Pa pè. N’ap anonse nou yon bon nouvèl ki pral fè tout pèp la kontan anpil. :: 11. Jòdi a, nan lavil David la, nou gen yon Sovè ki fenk fèt: se Kris la, Seyè a. :: 12. Men remak ki va fè nou rekonèt li: n’a jwenn yon tibebe vlope nan kouchèt, kouche nan yon kay kote yo bay bèt manje. :: 13. Menm lè a, yon foul lòt zanj nan syèl la vin jwenn zanj lan; yo t’ap fè lwanj Bondye, yo t’ap di konsa: :: 14. Lwanj pou Bondye anwo nan syèl la, kè poze sou latè pou tout moun li renmen.

…

Lúkasar guðspjall 2:1-20 in Icelandic:

En það bar til um þessar mundir, að boð kom frá Ágústus keisara, að skrásetja skyldi alla heimsbyggðina. Þetta var fyrsta skrásetningin og var gjörð þá er Kýreníus var landstjóri á Sýrlandi. Fóru þá allir til að láta skrásetja sig, hver til sinnar borgar. Þá fór og Jósef úr Galíleu frá borginni Nasaret upp til Júdeu, til borgar Davíðs, að láta skrásetja sig ásamt Maríu heitkonu sinni, sem var þunguð. En meðan þau voru þar, kom sá tími, er hún skyldi verða léttari. Fæddi jún þá son sinn frumgetinn, vafði hann reifum og lagði hann í jötu, af því að eigi var rúm handa þeim í gistihúsi.

En í sömu byggð voru hirðar úti í haga og gættu um nóttina hjarðar sinnar. Og engill Drottins stóð hjá þeim, og dýrð Drottins ljómaði kringum þá. Þeir urðu mjög hræddir, en engillinn sagði við þá: “Verið óhræddir, því sjá, ég boða yður mikinn fögnuð, sem veitast mun öllum lýðnum: Yður er í dag frelsari fæddur, sem er Kristur Drottinn, í borg Davíðs. Og hafði þetta til marks: Þið munuð finna ungbarn reifað og lagt í jötu.”

Og í sömu svipan var með englinum fjöldi himneskra hersveita, sem lofuðu Guð og sögðu: Dýrð sé Guði í upphæðum og friður á jörðu með mönnum, sem hann hefur velþóknun á. Þegar englarnir voru farnir frá þeim til himins, sögðu hirðarnir sín á milli: “Förum beint til Betlahem að sjá það, sem gjörst hefur og Drottinn hefur kunngjört oss” Og þeir fóru með skyndi og fundu Maríu og Jósef og ungbarnið, sem lá í jötu. Þegar þeir sáu það, skýrðu þeir frá því, er þeim hafði verið sagt um barn þetta. Og allir, sem heyrðu, undruðust það, er hirðarnir sögðu þeim. En María geymdi allt þetta í hjarta sér og hugleiddi það. Og hirðarnir sneru aftur og vegsömuðu Guð og lofuðu hann fyrir það, sem þeir höfðu heyrt og séð, en allt var það eins og þeim hafði verið sagt.

(Thank you, Sica)

…

Luke 2:1-20, trans. 1545 by Martin Luther

1. Es begab sich aber zu der Zeit, daß ein Gebot vom Kaiser Augustusausging, daß alle Welt geschätzt würde. :: 2. Und diese Schätzung war die allererste und geschah zu der Zeit, daCyrenius Landpfleger in Syrien war :: 3. Und jedermann ging, daß er sich schätzen ließe, ein. jeglicher inseine Stadt. :: 4. Da machte sich auch auf Joseph aus Galiläa, aus der Stadt Nazareth,in das jüdische Land zur Stadt Davids die da heißt Bethlehem, darum daßer von dem Hause und Geschlechte Davids war :: 5. auf daß er sich schätzen ließe mit Maria, seinem vertrauten Weibe,die war schwanger. :: 6. Und als sie daselbst waren, kam die Zeit, daß sie gebären sollte. :: 7. Und sie gebar ihren ersten Sohn und wickelte ihn in Windeln undlegte ihn in eine Krippe; denn sie hatten sonst keinen Raum in derHerberge. :: 8. Und es waren Hirten in derselbigen Gegend auf dem Felde bei denHürden, die hüteten des Nachts ihre Herde. :: 9. und siehe des Herrn Engel trat zu ihnen, und die Klarheit des Herrnleuchtete um sie, und sie fürchteten sich sehr. :: 10. Und der Engel sprach zu ihnen: Fürchtet euch nicht! Siehe, ichverkündige euch große Freude, die allem Volk widerfahren wird; :: 11. denn euch ist heute der Heiland geboren, welcher ist Christus, derHerr, in der Stadt Davids. :: 12. Und das habt zum Zeichen: Ihr werdet finden das Kind in Windelngewickelt und in einer Krippe liegen. :: 13. Und alsbald war da bei dem Engel die Menge der himmlischenHeerscharen, die lobten Gott und sprachen: :: 14. Ehre sei Gott in der Höhe und Friede auf Erden und den Menschenein Wohlgefallen! :: 15. Und da die Engel von ihnen gen Himmel fuhren, sprachen die Hirtenuntereinander: Laßt uns nun gehen gen Bethlehem und die Geschichtesehen, die da geschehen ist, die uns der Herr kundgetan hat. :: 16. Und sie kamen eilend und fanden beide, Maria und Joseph, dazu dasKind in der Krippe liegen. :: 17. Da sie es aber gesehen hatten breiteten sie das Wort aus, welcheszu ihnen von diesem Kind gesagt war. :: 18. Und alle, vor die es kam, wunderten sich der Rede, die ihnen dieHirten gesagt hatten. :: 19. Maria aber behielt alle diese Worte und bewegete sie in ihremHerzen. :: 20. Und die Hirten kehreten wieder um, preiseten und lobten Gott umalles, was sie gehöret und gesehen hatten, wie denn zu ihnen gesagt war.

(Thank you, Fidelio)

…

Luke 2:1-14 in Quenya

1. Ar túlë entë auressen i etelendë canwa Auhustus i Táraranello, i mo notumnë quanda ambar. :: 2. Minya notië sina martanë írë Quirinius nánë cáno Sírio. :: 3. Ilyë queni lender náven nótinë, ilquen véra ostoryanna. :: 4. Yando Yósef lendë amba Alilëallo, et i ostollo Nasaret, mir Yúrëa, Laviro ostonna, ya ná estaina Vet-Lehem, pan anes maro ar nossëo Laviro, :: 5. náven nótina as María ye nánë antaina sen vestalessë, ar ye sí nánë lapsarwa. :: 6. Írë engettë tassë, i lúmë túlë yassë columnes lapserya. :: 7. Ar colles yondorya, i minnóna, ar se-vaitanes ar panyane se salquecolcassë, pan lá engë tún nómë mí marmen. :: 8. Enger mavalli i imya nóressë i marner i restassë, tírala lámáreltar i lómissë. :: 9. Ar i Héruo vala tarnë ara te, ar i Héruo alcar caltanë os te, ar túra caurë nampë te. :: 10. Mal i vala quentë téna: “Áva rucë, pan inyë cára sinwa len túra alassë ya nauva i quanda lien, :: 11. an anaië cólina len síra Rehtando, ye ná Hristo, i Heru, Laviro ostossë. :: 12. Ar si nauva tanna len: Hiruvaldë vinimo, vaitana ar caitala salquecolcassë.” :: 13. Ar rincanen engë as i vala rimbë i meneldëa hossëo, laitala Eru ar quétala: :: 14. “Alcar i tarmenissen na Erun, ar cemendë rainë atanin pa i sanas mai.”

(Thank you, Helge Kåre Fauskanger at Ardalambion.)

===

In addition to all this, in 2012 we were gifted with:

Maori, from Thomas;
Galego (Galician), from Fragano Ledgister;
Gronings Dutch, from Joris M;
Limburgs, from Abi Sutherland;
Old Georgian, from Tim May;
Schwäbisch, from Debbie;
Tagalog, From Lizzy L;
The 1839 Hawaiian translation, from Linkmeister;
Pitjantjatjara, from Dean Gahlon;
The 1884 Anishinaabemowin translation, from Fidelio;
and
Modern Irish, from JO’N.

- o0o -

Here also are Christmas Day posts from years gone by — 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009, 2010, 2011 — because hey, family photo album.

Merry Christmas to you all, and thank you for another year together.

Because Making Light hasn’t featured enough pointless whining about our name lately.

“Nielson.” Then “Nielsen.” Then “Nielson.” Then “Nielsen.” Obviously this was completely invisible to Slate’s production staff. I’m impressed that we didn’t get “Neilson” into the mix.

(“Nielsen” is, by the way, correct when you’re talking about the TV ratings people and when you’re talking about Nielsen Haydens.)

I give up. We’re moving to Lubbock and changing our last name to Fred.

Oh well, Mr. FBI Man, I guess you gotta arrest me…..

See also: What the Email Fairy Brought

Obvious Nigerian Scam is obvious. As discussed here, Study: Obvious Nigerian scam emails appear that way for a reason, they’re obviously, stupidly, crudely, fraudulent so that the scammers won’t have to waste their time with people who aren’t completely gullible.

(Did you know that the word “gullible” isn’t in the dictionary?)

Anyway, back to cases. Seems the FBI is poised to arrest me. Found in my spam folder (printed in full with complete headers below the fold)….

One of the oldest of the vanity presses, Vantage, has apparently closed up shop.

Founded in 1949, Vantage is/was one of the pay-to-play publishers that only cared about an author’s writing ability as far as it extended to writing a check. Like other vanity presses, Vantage’s primary market was its own authors.

Following an attempt to save money by relocating from New York City to Great Barrington, Massachusetts, this year, Vantage apparently ceased operations in November, without notifying all of its authors. Some are reporting that they suspected something was wrong when their October royalty payments were missing, others that they found out when they were unable to order their books through Ingram’s. In the last two weeks, Vantage has removed its Facebook page, closed its webpage, and abandoned Twitter. Their blog is still up, but hasn’t had a new entry since March of this year, and they’re still on LinkedIn (which still lists their New York address).

My suspicion is that the easy and free availability of electronic self-publishing is what put the final stake through this vampire’s heart.

In other vanity-publishing news, Author Services Inc, the POD-vanity group that has been buying up other vanity presses (e.g. Xlibris and iUniverse), and fulfilling the vanity-publishing arms of some otherwise-respectable publishers (e.g. Westbow for Thomas Nelson and DellArte Press for Harlequin), has reportedly been bought by Pearson.

First, a moment of human kindness. If this message can travel back to the kids who made that sign and lit those candles, please tell them we said “thank you” with all our hearts.

Onward.

As I tweeted last night:

We pay too much for certain citizens’ FRPG (fantasy role-playing game) in which they pretend that gun ownership, not civil society and the rule of law, makes them safe.

Americans love owning guns because it lets them pretend their safety isn’t a function of our shared society. They should grow up.

JurieOnGames: Ah, individualism? So easy to forget that as a European.

‏tnielsenhayden: I’ve seen photos of real Tea Party signs demanding that the federal govt. keep its hands off their Social Security.

JurieOnGames: I’ve seen those. It’s… beyond satire.

tnielsenhayden: There’s something very strange about their concept of society. It’s like they think trans-suburbia is a natural landscape.

1. Almost all of the actual law enforcement that happens in the United States is handled by police officers.

2. When gun enthusiasts discuss the kind of hypothetical interactions that in their opinion make gun ownership necessary, the interactions are framed in terms of endangered citizens vs. wicked gun-wielding criminals. The police are scarcely mentioned, if they appear at all, and

3. gun enthusiasts, the NRA collectively included, put near-zero energy or resources into lobbying for more and better police departments.

4. This seems odd.

A different set of propositions:

If the world really worked the way it does in gun-enthusiast scenarios, no one would ever lay out mixed public/private space the way it’s done in American suburbs, with limited-access chokepoints for everyone going in and out. All it would take would be a few guys with automatic weapons and lots of ammo to turn a gated community or limited-access corporate office park into a killing field, hostage situation, or poultry to be plucked at leisure.

The reason that doesn’t happen, and those configurations are seen as safe, is because suburbia is actually designed to slow down perps until the police arrive. If someone marketed a portable device that blocked all phone calls within a half-mile radius, trans-suburban American communities would turn into the world’s biggest collection of sitting ducks.

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Also yesterday evening, Patrick was exchanging tweets with Charlie Stross and Saladin Ahmed:

Saladin Ahmed, @saladinahmed
People say they want a world w/o guns. What they want’s a world where only cops/FBI/DEA/army have guns. Must be nice to feel safe w/ that…

Charles Stross, @cstross
@saladinahmed Hello? That’s the world I live in — the CIVILIZED world. The USA is an exception, and not in a good way. Scary place to visit!

P Nielsen Hayden, @pnh
@cstross There are over 200,000,000 privately owned guns in the US. I have come to believe that this is a threat to liberty. @saladinahmed

Charles Stross, @cstross
@pnh @saladinahmed Those 200M private guns are why policing in the US is heavily militarized. Which itself is corrosive to democracy.

P Nielsen Hayden, @pnh
@cstross They’re not the only reason for police militarization. It’s a broad-based pathology. @saladinahmed

P Nielsen Hayden, @pnh
@cstross Worth keeping in mind the roots of white American obsession with owning guns: defense against blacks and Indians. @saladinahmed

P Nielsen Hayden, @pnh
@cstross In other words, we’ve been hysterical for 300 years about the need for lethal force against those we’ve wronged. @saladinahmed

P Nielsen Hayden, @pnh
@cstross This mixture of buried guilt and existential terror is a perfect recipe for long-term, multi-generational craziness. @saladinahmed

Saladin Ahmed, @saladinahmed
@cstross @pnh You guys, I’m not NRA, ok? Just seeing lot of tweets that ignore complex history of gun law, esp. for people of color in US.

P Nielsen Hayden, @pnh
@saladinahmed Oh, I know. I also know that the point when white Americans went full cross-eyed crazy about “black power”… (1/2) @cstross

P Nielsen Hayden, @pnh
@saladinahmed …was when the Panthers started, not unreasonably, suggesting that black people arm themselves. (2/2) @cstross

bob calhoun, @bob_calhoun
@saladinahmed The most sweeping gun control legislation was signed in 1966 because of fears of urban rioting. Go figure.

P Nielsen Hayden, @pnh
@bob_calhoun Just so. Because Americans are enthusiastic about guns precisely up to the point when brown people have some. @saladinahmed

adamselzer, @adamselzer
Imagine a group called “Arab Americans for Gun Rights.” Exact same positions/rhetoric as NRA, but brown guys. How would they be viewed?

P Nielsen Hayden, @pnh
@adamselzer They would be destroyed with as much violence as necessary, their leaders killed or driven insane. As has happened before.

Saladin Ahmed, @saladinahmed
If we’re going to talk history of gun law, we have to talk about Nat Turner, Harriet Tubman, Black Panthers, American Indian Movement, etc.
Retweeted by P Nielsen Hayden

Endbits: The New York Times has released the names, ages, and the occupations of the the adults, who were killed in the latest shooting in Sandy Hook, CT. The most obvious pattern is that the shooter preferred female targets. The dead children were hit by 3-11 shots apiece.

Teacher Victoria Soto, age 27, crowded all of her pupils into a closet, then lied to the shooter, telling him they were in the gymnasium. He killed her and moved on.

We have no reason to assume that this will be the last such incident in 2012.

===

Amanda Marcotte, retweeted by Patrick and Heresiarch:

Amanda Marcotte, ‏@AmandaMarcotte
http://bit.ly/R0hnhS When I claim gun nuttery is about psychosexual weirdness, wingnuts say “Nuh-uh!” Here’s an ad for the gun Lanza used.

On another branch of the conversation:

William Gibson, @GreatDismal
The elephant in the center of the room: white fantasies of shooting minority home invaders

Chris Turner, ‏@retrophisch
@GreatDismal That is an utterly despicable, vile assumption with absolutely no proof or basis in reality.

Teresa Nielsen Hayden, ‏@tnielsenhayden
@retrophisch @GreatDismal Oh yeah right it doesn’t exist. I’ve been hearing them talk about that all my life.

Michael Moore, ‏@MMFlint
If only the first victim, Adam Lanza’s mother, had been a gun owner, she could have stopped this before it started.

I realize that I’m at risk of turning Making Light into the outlet for a series of appalling Andy Rooney-esque rants against the annoyances of the modern world. This is what happens when you get old.

But I can’t resist sharing with the Fluorosphere what happened to me, just now, when I tried to purchase actual home delivery of that famously financially-challenged and yet still essential newspaper, the New York Times.

As many of you know, “Nielsen Hayden” is my legal last name. It’s also what’s on any the credit cards I would be using to pay for this subscription, if I could get past this screen. Yes, it’s true, in 2012, even institutions as stupid as Mastercard, Visa, and American Express have managed to wrap their walnut-sized dinosaur brains around the idea that some people’s surnames have a space in them. A space in them! Good God, man, no one can live at that speed. You’re asking the impossible. (Cue Eddie Izzard: “The Dutch speak four languages and smoke marijuana.”)

So I’m a little dubious about simply entering “Patrick Hayden,” even leaving aside the fact that being told by a farking commerce website that my actual last name is not “a valid last name” is (a) pointlessly offensive and (b) a complete violation of sensible UI design practice.

And before you ask, yes, I got the same error message when I added a spurious hyphen and entered “Nielsen-Hayden.”

Really. Does the New York Times refuse to accept subscriptions from Gordon Van Gelder? Or Greg Van Eekhout? Or Daniel Day-Lewis?

Whoever maintains this site for the New York Times needs to read Patrick McKenzie’s magnificent Falsehoods Programmers Believe About Names. And whichever New York Times employee is responsible for soliciting print-delivery subscriptions on the Web needs to get out their ass-kicking boots and commence using them for their stated purpose.

“Please enter a valid last name.” Please kiss my double-last-name-with-a-space-in-the-middle ass, The New York Times.

UPDATE, December 12, 7:40 PM: Three tweets from @NYTdigitalsubs, about an hour ago. In essence, they say please send your email address so we can fix this, and then we’ll try to fix the larger issue. Well okay then. Good going, New York Times.

From the brilliant Vienna Teng, a rough draft of a song-in-progress called “The Hymn of Axciom”:

leave your life open. you don’t have. you don’t have.
leave your life open. you don’t have to hide.
someone is gathering every crumb you drop, these
(mindless decisions and) moments you long forgot.
keep them all.
[…]
now we possess you. you’ll own that. you’ll own that.
now we possess you. you’ll own that in time.
now we will build you an endlessly upward world,
(reach in your pocket) embrace you for all you’re worth.

is that wrong?
isn’t this what you want?
amen.

Reviewing Hyde Park on the Hudson (which sounds dire), Slate refers to the 1939 visit of George VI and Queen Elizabeth to the US and Canada as “the first time a sitting English monarch had ever been to the Western Hemisphere.”

Buckingham Palace is in the Western Hemisphere.

Not knowing basic geography is like not knowing how to add and subtract. Our political, cultural, and journalistic elites are idiots, full stop.

I’ve been thinking a lot about bridges, lately.

There’s a new bridge east of Centraal Station, constructed as part of a general renewal of the area around my office. I was walking along it a few weeks ago and noticed a padlock hanging from one of the tensioned cables below the handrail. Biking cities like Amsterdam are usually full of abandoned locking infrastructure, so I thought no more about it. But further along, I came across another, then a third.

I stopped and looked more closely, and realized that each of them had initials scratched or engraved on it. I did a little research and stumbled upon a new custom that’s slowly spreading through Europe from the east: love padlocks. In Serbia, couples have been using locks on bridges as markers of their relationships since before World War 2. In Rome, the weight of padlocks left by readers of Federico Moccia’s 2006 novel Ho voglia di te bent the lampposts of the Ponte Milvio. (The city has now put up chain fences for the locks instead.) Officials in Dublin and Paris have been removing them from local bridges, to predictable outcry. In Amsterdam, by the looks of things, space is being made for the new tradition.

Watching the spread of this custom reminds me that the backs of the Euro banknotes all carry pictures of bridges. That’s ironic: we’re struggling, here, with how far we can build connections across economies and cultures. Will the weight of our common bonds bend and distort the things that connect us beyond repair? Will we find ways to accommodate our differences, or must we cut our locks? This isn’t just between nations; the Dutch election result this last autumn was a comprehensive rejection of divisive politics and a demand by the electorate that the two sides of the spectrum reach across the gap between them.

In the meantime, I read that the Pope now has a Twitter account, @pontifex. He has, at the time of writing, over 475,000 followers, but it is only following seven versions of himself in different languages. This strikes me as poignant and telling.

But bridges have been being built in Rome for a long time. A single arch of the oldest Roman stone bridge, the Pons Aemilius, still stands in the Tiber. The piers date back to 179* BC, and the current stone superstructure has lasted since 142 BC. Water has flowed under that old arch, under the feet of emperors, popes, soldiers, politicians, rebels, and lovers, for a very long time. I suspect the lovers have changed the least, and will last the longest.

Of course, the internet is a bridge too, in a way. And I’d like to take a moment to affix a virtual padlock to it today: AS + ML, five years on. (*throws key into the bitstream*)

Open Thread 178 has burst into a discussion of holiday music, carols, usw.

In honor of the season, then (and in keeping with our recipe tradition):

The boar’s head in hand bear I,
Bedeck’d with bays and rosemary.
And I pray you, my masters, merry be
Quot estis in convivio.

CHORUS
Caput apri defero
Reddens laudes Domino

The boar’s head, as I understand,
Is the rarest dish in all this land,
Which thus bedeck’d with a gay garland
Let us servire cantico.

CHORUS
Caput apri defero
Reddens laudes Domino

Our steward hath provided this
In honour of the King of Bliss;
Which, on this day to be served is
In Reginensi atrio.