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January 31, 2008

Bilbo Begins
Posted by Avram Grumer at 08:21 PM * 160 comments

I see here that Guillermo del Toro has been signed up to direct the two upcoming prequels to Peter Jackson’s Lord of the Rings films.

It’s obvious what the first will be, but the second, not so much. It’s probably still in the kicking-around-ideas stage. To help matters along, I’m proposing some possible titles:

  • The Hobbit 2: Electric Bilboloo
  • Battle for the Planet of the Elves
  • Gandalf’s Fifteen
  • Toes: The Revenge
  • Staying Invisible
  • From Gondor With Love
  • The Road Warrior Goes Ever On

Update: Lots more in comments. I’m particularly fond of Joel Polowin’s Rocky Bilboa, Bill Higgins’s The Hobfather, and Paul Duncanson’s The Orthanc Redemption and Jonathan Livingston Nazgûl. If some fanfic author hasn’t written up a few pages of that last one before the weekend’s out, I’ll be surprised.

Comments on Bilbo Begins:
#1 ::: Iain Coleman ::: (view all by) ::: January 31, 2008, 08:35 PM:

Mr Bilbo: Or, How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love the Ring

#2 ::: Zvi ::: (view all by) ::: January 31, 2008, 08:39 PM:

Hobbit II: Back Again
Smeagol Strikes Back
The Dwarfs Done Gone
Hobbit II: The Wrath of Lobelia Sackville-Baggins

#3 ::: Serge ::: (view all by) ::: January 31, 2008, 08:40 PM:

Coming soon, Whoopee Goldberg in Back in the Hobbit...

#4 ::: Serge ::: (view all by) ::: January 31, 2008, 08:41 PM:

Elmer Fudd in That Wascally Hobbit...

#5 ::: Serge ::: (view all by) ::: January 31, 2008, 08:42 PM:

Gérard Depardieu in Le Hobbit ne fait pas le moine...

#6 ::: Julie L. ::: (view all by) ::: January 31, 2008, 08:43 PM:

Mirkwood, the inspiring yet tragic story of Thrain's attempt to expose the Necromancer's unsafe working conditions to the White Council.

#7 ::: Cynthia Wood ::: (view all by) ::: January 31, 2008, 08:43 PM:

Bringing up Frodo

Eat, Drink, Hobbit, Hobbit

#8 ::: Serge ::: (view all by) ::: January 31, 2008, 08:44 PM:

Coming Soon... M'hobbit Dick...

#9 ::: Serge ::: (view all by) ::: January 31, 2008, 08:45 PM:

Barry Bostwick in The Delta Force of Hobbit...

#10 ::: Julie L. ::: (view all by) ::: January 31, 2008, 08:46 PM:

Serge @5: How about Depardieu in Le Retour de Bilbo Baggins?

#11 ::: Joel Polowin ::: (view all by) ::: January 31, 2008, 08:48 PM:

Valley of the Trolls, or, Rocky Bilboa.

(Okay, partially lifted from Bored of the Rings.)

#12 ::: Serge ::: (view all by) ::: January 31, 2008, 08:49 PM:

Cheech & Chong in Up in Smaug...

#14 ::: Serge ::: (view all by) ::: January 31, 2008, 08:51 PM:

Julie L @ 10... Or Gérard in the new Piaf biopic, Non, je ne regrette ring...

#15 ::: NelC ::: (view all by) ::: January 31, 2008, 08:56 PM:

Under Mirkwood. After smoking entirely too much of a particularly strong crop of pipeweed, Gandalf, Bilbo, and others dream....

#16 ::: Fragano Ledgister ::: (view all by) ::: January 31, 2008, 09:00 PM:

I note with interest the Hellboy II advert accompanying this thread.

#17 ::: Serge ::: (view all by) ::: January 31, 2008, 09:01 PM:

James Bond will be back in Gollumfinger...

#18 ::: Stace ::: (view all by) ::: January 31, 2008, 09:02 PM:

The Hobbits. To be followed up with The Hobbit^3 and The Hobbit Resurrection.

#19 ::: John Mark Ockerbloom ::: (view all by) ::: January 31, 2008, 09:02 PM:

_Hobbit 2: Judgment Day_: Two Maiar are sent back in time, one to wrest the Ring from Gollum before Bilbo can acquire it and set it on the path to destruction, and the other to ensure that the Ring takes its destined path. The latter eventually succeeds, but not without making some significant changes to the time-stream in the process, most notably Bilbo finding the Ring on the ground instead of being given it by Gollum, and the introduction of multiple Eagles-ex-machina escapes from various complications introduced by the evil Maiar-800.

Fans of the first and second movies bitterly argue about the continuity disruptions ever after...

#20 ::: Carrie V. ::: (view all by) ::: January 31, 2008, 09:07 PM:

**forehead slap**

#21 ::: Jen Roth ::: (view all by) ::: January 31, 2008, 09:11 PM:

Peter Sellers in A Bagshot in the Dark

#22 ::: Alan Bostick ::: (view all by) ::: January 31, 2008, 09:16 PM:

You people (heh) seem to be forgetting that there is more than one prequel to Lord of the Rings in print.

Gondolin with the Wind

#23 ::: James D. Macdonald ::: (view all by) ::: January 31, 2008, 09:24 PM:

Fear and Loathing in Lothlorien

#24 ::: Will "scifantasy" Frank ::: (view all by) ::: January 31, 2008, 09:26 PM:

In all seriousness, I think the two movies should be called:

The Hobbit: There
and
The Hobbit: Back Again.

#25 ::: Fragano Ledgister ::: (view all by) ::: January 31, 2008, 09:30 PM:

Kratakoa: East of Númenor

#26 ::: Fragano Ledgister ::: (view all by) ::: January 31, 2008, 09:34 PM:

I am Hobbit: Blue

I am Hobbit: Yellow

#27 ::: Kip W ::: (view all by) ::: January 31, 2008, 09:45 PM:

Hobbit and Hobbiter.

#28 ::: Kip W ::: (view all by) ::: January 31, 2008, 09:46 PM:

ps: "To" help matters along... (etc)

#29 ::: Scott Taylor ::: (view all by) ::: January 31, 2008, 09:52 PM:

Some rings things you shouldn't develop a fondness for...
Warwick Davis is a Bad Hobbit

#30 ::: Clifton Royston ::: (view all by) ::: January 31, 2008, 09:55 PM:

Oh hell, he should just make Bored of the Rings. I thought Jackson should have done that in the first place as he had all the sets and props together, and he certainly has the sensibility for it. (Cf. Meet the Feebles, Dead Alive, et al.)

#31 ::: Steve C. ::: (view all by) ::: January 31, 2008, 10:08 PM:

Brokebag End

#32 ::: Jon Meltzer ::: (view all by) ::: January 31, 2008, 10:42 PM:

#18: Hobbits vs. Predator.

#33 ::: ethan ::: (view all by) ::: January 31, 2008, 10:50 PM:

And then, of course, Hobbits vs. Predator: Requiem.

#34 ::: Serge ::: (view all by) ::: January 31, 2008, 10:55 PM:

The Saruman Always Rings Twice...

#35 ::: Joel Polowin ::: (view all by) ::: January 31, 2008, 11:01 PM:

It occurs to me that The Hobbit is even more lacking in visibly female characters than LotR was. How will the story be changed to make it more acceptable to modern audiences, with a proper balance of characters -- make Fili and Kili Thorin's nieces?

Bilbo needs a wise-cracking animal sidekick, too.

Hmm. Hobbit Trek: The Next Generation. Hobbit Trek: Deep Forest Nine.

#36 ::: oliviacw ::: (view all by) ::: January 31, 2008, 11:10 PM:

Forbidden Hobbit
Waiting for Hobbit
A Hobbit Called Bilbo

#37 ::: Paul A. ::: (view all by) ::: January 31, 2008, 11:14 PM:

Will "scifantasy" Frank @ #24: The Hobbit: Back Again

With my executive bunny hat on, I say that that's not snappy enough, and suggest that it be changed to The Hobbit Returns. (To be followed, of course, by either The Hobbit Forever or The Scorpion Ring.)

#38 ::: Steve C. ::: (view all by) ::: January 31, 2008, 11:32 PM:

The musical sensation of the year, Elvish Presley, in Change of Hobbit.

#39 ::: Jon Meltzer ::: (view all by) ::: January 31, 2008, 11:36 PM:

#35: Remember, dwarves are not sexually dimorphic.

#40 ::: Jon Meltzer ::: (view all by) ::: January 31, 2008, 11:42 PM:

Peter Jackson can combine two of his interests by making

Son of Hobbit

followed by

Mighty Joe Baggins

The comic book should sell well, too ...

#41 ::: Lindra ::: (view all by) ::: January 31, 2008, 11:46 PM:

Eternal Breakfast of the Hobbit Mind.

#42 ::: Tehanu ::: (view all by) ::: February 01, 2008, 12:03 AM:

Hobbit Gump
Bag End Confidential
David Hobbitfield

#43 ::: LMB MacAlister ::: (view all by) ::: February 01, 2008, 12:19 AM:

"Call Me Mister Baggins"

#44 ::: James D. Macdonald ::: (view all by) ::: February 01, 2008, 12:43 AM:

The Wizard Always Magic Rings Twice

#45 ::: Earl Cooley III ::: (view all by) ::: February 01, 2008, 12:59 AM:

My Dinner With Bilbo

#46 ::: Bruce Cohen (SpeakerToManagers) ::: (view all by) ::: February 01, 2008, 01:21 AM:

Ceci n'est pas une pipeweed

Backdwarf - Putting out the Dragonfire

Not quite appropriate for a prequel, but:
Khazad-dûm and Khazad-dûmmer

Six Hairy Feet Under

Full Mithral Jacket

#47 ::: Andrew Willett ::: (view all by) ::: February 01, 2008, 01:28 AM:

The Cook, The Thief, His Wife, and Her Hobbit

Bob and Carol and Ted and Bilbo

I Know Who You Shot With a Black Arrow Last Summer

The Thrush Always Knocks Twice

#48 ::: Bruce Cohen (SpeakerToManagers) ::: (view all by) ::: February 01, 2008, 02:11 AM:

How Gandalf Got His Groove Back

Bringing Up Bilbo

Dirty Hobbit

Gojira tai Hedorâ aka "Godzilla vs. the Smaug Monster"

Smaugma

Red Dwarf: The Hairy Edge

#49 ::: Debbie ::: (view all by) ::: February 01, 2008, 03:26 AM:

A spinoff: Beorn Free

#50 ::: Paul Herzberg ::: (view all by) ::: February 01, 2008, 04:57 AM:

The Hobbit 2: A Hard Hobbit To Break
Hobbit's Feast
Elrond: The Smartest Guy In The Room

#51 ::: Earl Cooley III ::: (view all by) ::: February 01, 2008, 05:07 AM:

Like Ent-draught for Lembas

(couldn't find a Tolkienian analogue for chocolate)

#52 ::: Debbie ::: (view all by) ::: February 01, 2008, 05:51 AM:

Stoned Trolls Gather Moss

On second thought....Nah. Not enough action.

Bilbo: Riddler on the Loose

#53 ::: Connie H. ::: (view all by) ::: February 01, 2008, 06:09 AM:

Hobbit and Hobbitability

#54 ::: Emil ::: (view all by) ::: February 01, 2008, 07:01 AM:

The Gloin Supremacy

#55 ::: Francis D ::: (view all by) ::: February 01, 2008, 07:13 AM:

Something from the Silmarillion probably. Possibly something like the Tale of Aragorn and Arwen. Yes, I know. I'm no fun.

#56 ::: meteorplum ::: (view all by) ::: February 01, 2008, 07:30 AM:

debbie@49:
Of course, the Beornings should get their own series:

The Beorn Identity
The Beorn Supremacy
Little House on the Carrock


@Avram

I Still Known What You Did Sixty Years Ago

The Orc Who Shot Bilbo Baggins

South Farthing: Shorter, Stouter & Unstealthy

Lobelia
(featuring Radagast Radagast and a young Lobelia S-B)

About Bilbo

Bree Hill, 90210

Citizen Saruman

The Infernoing Tower (UK title: Faulty Tower)

Dragon Tales

An Inconvenient Ret-Con

Zarderiand

All Quiet on the Southron Front

J.R.R. Tolkien's Beren+Luthien

Sam & Frodo: The Early Years

(please shoot me now)

#57 ::: Josh Jasper ::: (view all by) ::: February 01, 2008, 07:38 AM:

Horror: At The Misty Mountains Of Madness

Viking Action: The Thirteenth Burglar

Western: Barrelriders In The Sky

#58 ::: Hilary Hertzoff ::: (view all by) ::: February 01, 2008, 08:10 AM:

No one's suggested:

The Hobbit 2: Kicking the Hobbit? What is this world coming to?

On a note more in keeping with the thread:

Bilbo Baggins and the Chamber of Secrets
Bilbo Baggins and the Prisoners of Mordor
Bilbo Baggins and the Mountain of Fire
Bilbo Baggins and the Order of the Rangers
Bilbo Baggins and the Half-Blood Elf
Bilbo Baggins and the Deathly Riders

#59 ::: Paula Lieberman ::: (view all by) ::: February 01, 2008, 09:29 AM:

Bilbo Baggins in Love
Smoking Mountain

#60 ::: Paul Duncanson ::: (view all by) ::: February 01, 2008, 09:49 AM:

The Orthanc Redemption

#61 ::: Joel Polowin ::: (view all by) ::: February 01, 2008, 10:20 AM:

Jon Meltzer @ 39: That was why I specified "visibly female". But the modern audience would need to know that they were female. Y'know, have them wearing makeup, frilly chain mail, small ladylike axes, kind of thing.

Bride of the Hobbit
Son of Baggins
The Hobbit Conquers the Martians

The Hobbit Episode I: The Dwarvish Menace
The Hobbit Episode II: Attack of the Orcs
The Hobbit Episode III: Revenge of the Wargs
(these are supposed to be prequels for the LotR movies, right?)

#62 ::: Paul Duncanson ::: (view all by) ::: February 01, 2008, 10:40 AM:

Dial M For Mordor

#63 ::: rea ::: (view all by) ::: February 01, 2008, 10:50 AM:

Y'know, have them wearing makeup, frilly chain mail, small ladylike axes, kind of thing.

Beard perms?

#64 ::: Fragano Ledgister ::: (view all by) ::: February 01, 2008, 10:56 AM:

Black Riders of the Purple Sage

#65 ::: Fragano Ledgister ::: (view all by) ::: February 01, 2008, 10:58 AM:

A Manwe for All Seasons

#66 ::: Paul Duncanson ::: (view all by) ::: February 01, 2008, 11:18 AM:

Jonathan Livingston Nazgûl

#67 ::: Paul Duncanson ::: (view all by) ::: February 01, 2008, 11:21 AM:

Seven Rings For Seven Dwarf-Lords

#68 ::: mjfgates ::: (view all by) ::: February 01, 2008, 11:34 AM:

Hobbit. "In a hole, no one can hear you scream."
Hobbits. "This time, it's dinner."

Of course they'll jump the shark with Hobbits:3 and Hobbit: The Resurrection, but nobody with any sense will watch those.

#69 ::: Peter Erwin ::: (view all by) ::: February 01, 2008, 11:39 AM:

Gollum's Labyrinth

The Balrog's Backbone

(Hey, it's Guillermo del Toro who's supposed to be directing, right?)

#70 ::: Steve C. ::: (view all by) ::: February 01, 2008, 11:43 AM:

Gollum GoLightly in Second Breakfast at Tiffanys

#71 ::: Peter Erwin ::: (view all by) ::: February 01, 2008, 11:50 AM:

Josh Jasper @ 57:
Horror: At The Misty Mountains Of Madness

Apparently, Guillermo del Toro would actually like to make a movie based on Lovecraft's novel -- he's even written a script for it.

#72 ::: Larry Lennhoff ::: (view all by) ::: February 01, 2008, 11:52 AM:

Why not prequels to the Hobbit as well:

The Akallabeth: Live Forever or Die Hard
Morgoth and Ungoliant: A Love Story
Ent vs. Entwife
The Simillarion: Ooooh, Shiny!

#73 ::: Leigh Butler ::: (view all by) ::: February 01, 2008, 11:53 AM:

The Lost Hobbit

The Amazing Saruman

The Legend of Baggins Vance

#74 ::: Smurch ::: (view all by) ::: February 01, 2008, 12:02 PM:

A Passage to Erebor

With Six You Get Lembas

#75 ::: Michael Roberts ::: (view all by) ::: February 01, 2008, 12:05 PM:

This is hysterical.

@58 Hillary: Bilbo Baggins and the Half-Blood Elf -- I'd watch it.

I honestly can't believe anybody missed these, but:

Kill Bilbo
Kill Bilbo II

#76 ::: Clifton Royston ::: (view all by) ::: February 01, 2008, 12:27 PM:

Michael @ 75: You win the Internet!

#77 ::: Sarah ::: (view all by) ::: February 01, 2008, 12:47 PM:

Crouching Dragon, Hidden Hobbit

#78 ::: Marc G. ::: (view all by) ::: February 01, 2008, 01:00 PM:

Bilbo's adventures inspire a young Proudfoot lass to seek her fortune in "Bend it Like Baggins"

Four dwarves find themselves on the run from the most vengeful Elven house of all in "Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Simarils"

#79 ::: Xopher ::: (view all by) ::: February 01, 2008, 01:02 PM:

The Glóin in Winter

Fed Again

Guess Who's Coming to Second Breakfast?

A Túrin With the Sun

Nírnaeth Arnoediad—Valinor's Loss of Innocence (a History Channel documentary)

Gone with the Windlord

A Wighter Shade of Pale

Pelennor Field of Dreams

The Wizard of Osgiliath

The Trouble with Húrin

Grey Havens (the story of two elderly Elf women who refuse to go back to Valinor, despite the fact that Imladris is crumbling)

#80 ::: Joel Polowin ::: (view all by) ::: February 01, 2008, 01:29 PM:

When Túrin Met Nienor

#81 ::: NelC ::: (view all by) ::: February 01, 2008, 01:33 PM:

No Country For Old Istari

#82 ::: Serge ::: (view all by) ::: February 01, 2008, 01:35 PM:

Humphrey Bogart and Lauren Bacall in To Elf or Elf Not...

#83 ::: Smurch ::: (view all by) ::: February 01, 2008, 01:37 PM:

Raging Balrog

A Hole with a View

#84 ::: Olorin ::: (view all by) ::: February 01, 2008, 01:52 PM:

Creation of a magocratic empire in "Gandalf the Great"
Monty Pythons' "Life of Bilbo"
A dwarf imprisoned in "Save Private Thrain"

#85 ::: Joel Polowin ::: (view all by) ::: February 01, 2008, 02:27 PM:

Nine and a Halfling Weeks

#86 ::: Zeke ::: (view all by) ::: February 01, 2008, 02:31 PM:

Marc G. # 78:"Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Simarils"

Or the part with the big dragon-attack on Lake-town could be "Loch, Smaug and Two Smoking Nostrils".

(Sorry.)

#87 ::: Smurch ::: (view all by) ::: February 01, 2008, 02:44 PM:

The Smaug Whisperer

#88 ::: Smurch ::: (view all by) ::: February 01, 2008, 02:45 PM:

The Carpetbagginses

#89 ::: Jon Meltzer ::: (view all by) ::: February 01, 2008, 03:07 PM:

The Lord of the Rings
The Hobbit
Son of the Lord of the Rings
Wife of the Hobbit
The Lord of the Rings' Drunken Twin Daughters
Daughter of the Hobbit meets McKinsey and Co.

etc.

#90 ::: Jon Meltzer ::: (view all by) ::: February 01, 2008, 03:16 PM:

#55: when Jackson does the Rivendell scene in The Hobbit I want to see 11-year-old Aragorn staring at the dwarves.

#91 ::: Mike ::: (view all by) ::: February 01, 2008, 03:30 PM:

The Color of Mithral

#92 ::: Serge ::: (view all by) ::: February 01, 2008, 03:31 PM:

George Clooney in "Ocean's Elven"....

#93 ::: Serge ::: (view all by) ::: February 01, 2008, 03:34 PM:

"Grima and Punishment"...

#94 ::: abi ::: (view all by) ::: February 01, 2008, 03:48 PM:

Wait. So Bilbo the quiet hobbit goes off and gets a taste for adventure?

I bet he acquires a geographical nickname and a bullwhip and stars in a whole series of films.

Raiders of the Lost Arkenstone
West Farthing Baggins and the Watchtower of Doom
West Farthing Baggins and the Last Orcish Raid
West Farthing Baggins and the Kingdom of the Palintir*

-----
* Scheduled for release on 22 Thrimidge 2008 (Shire reckoning)

#95 ::: Earl Cooley III ::: (view all by) ::: February 01, 2008, 03:48 PM:

Uruk-hai Yojimbo (with apologies to Stan Sakai)

#96 ::: Smurch ::: (view all by) ::: February 01, 2008, 03:56 PM:

Citizen Thrain

#97 ::: mensley ::: (view all by) ::: February 01, 2008, 04:03 PM:

The Maiar of Casterbridge
Looking for Mr. Baggins
Mr. Baggins Goes to Washington
Danielle Steele's The Ring
Merry & Pippin's Wives of Windsor
Arwen: The King and I
The Mordor the Merrier
Gandalf: A Bridge Too Far
The Wonderful Wizard of Orthanc

#98 ::: Ginger ::: (view all by) ::: February 01, 2008, 04:07 PM:

Did anyone mention the action/thriller "Bilbo First Blood Part 2"?

In that vein..
"Judge Bilbo"
"Hobbitz"
"Nighthobbits"
"Hobbit Story"
"Farewell, My Elven"
"The Lords of Flatfarthing"

#99 ::: Jon Sobel ::: (view all by) ::: February 01, 2008, 04:09 PM:

Young Bilbo Jones
Li'l Bilbo
Hannibilbo Rising

#100 ::: Ginger ::: (view all by) ::: February 01, 2008, 04:17 PM:

Some Like it Hobbit
Frodo Gump
and the animated classic, Finding Frodo

Paul Duncanson @62: that may be the best yet, in my very humble opinion.

Now I must figure out how to convert "Rear Window" into elvish.

#101 ::: Mike ::: (view all by) ::: February 01, 2008, 04:26 PM:

Hobbit & Costello Meet Frankenstein

#102 ::: Ginger ::: (view all by) ::: February 01, 2008, 04:42 PM:

Pelennor Field of Dreams

Adel Henneth

Bravehobbit

..and "Band of Brothers" works without needing any translation, doesn't it?

#103 ::: Smurch ::: (view all by) ::: February 01, 2008, 05:01 PM:

That's Ent-ertainment, parts 1, 2 and 3

Several centuries in the making... edited down to just a few decades of their greatest production numbers.

#104 ::: Xopher ::: (view all by) ::: February 01, 2008, 05:20 PM:

Smurch 103: Featuring the terrific Bollywood dance extravaganza "A-Lalla-Lalla-Rumba-Kamanda-Lind-Or-Burúme," also called "'Hill' is a Hasty Sort of Word," which shows, in time-lapse photography, the hill in question from the downfall of Númenor to the end of the Third Age, with Ents wandering in every now and then and going "hoom."

"The most exciting movie ever produced by Ents!!!" raves Morris Schmetterling.

"Unfortunately I have no doubt that Schmetterling is right," muses Brolph Vetz.

#105 ::: MikeB ::: (view all by) ::: February 01, 2008, 05:33 PM:

If only Stanley Kubrick were alive

1360 (Third Age): A Hobbit Odyssey

A Clockwork Hobbit

Bilbo Lyndon

One Nazgul Flew Over the Hobbit Hole

Full Mithril Jacket

#106 ::: Ginger ::: (view all by) ::: February 01, 2008, 05:34 PM:

Followed by the classic Ent comedy "To Leaf or Not to Leaf" (which is admittedly the Hobbitish translation of the title).

Then there's the Ent horror film, "Blazing Sarumans".

#107 ::: Smurch ::: (view all by) ::: February 01, 2008, 05:35 PM:

Xopher at #104: I just laughed so hard Ent-draught went up my nose!

#108 ::: mensley ::: (view all by) ::: February 01, 2008, 05:37 PM:

Ent or the Dragon

#109 ::: Fragano Ledgister ::: (view all by) ::: February 01, 2008, 05:48 PM:

Xopher #104: Thou hast won one Internette. Where dost thou want it?

#110 ::: Xopher ::: (view all by) ::: February 01, 2008, 05:56 PM:

TREEBEARD: What do you call this thing we're standing on?

MERRY (or PIPPIN): A hill.

TREEBEARD: A hill. Hoom. A hill, you say?

(music swells)

TREEBEARD (sings): Well, 'hill' is a hasty sort of word

HOBBITS (singing backup): Ooo, ooo.

TREEBEARD: For something here since this part of the world
Was shaped.

HOBBITS: Was shaped?

ALL, in harmony: Was sha-a-a-ped!

PIPPIN (or MERRY): So what do YOU call it, anyway?

TREEBEARD: Well, part of what we like to say
Is "a-lalla-lalla-rumba-kamanda-lind-or-buru-ume!"*

HOBBITS: What say?

TREEBEARD: I said,
"A-lalla-lalla-rumba-kamanda-lind-or-buru-ume!"

HOBBITS: Hey hey!

ALL (in harmony, with dancing): A-lalla-lalla-rumba-kamanda-lind-or-buru-ume!

MERRY: I like this word much better!
Treebeard, I'll be your debtor
For teaching me the Entish word!
The Westron one now seems absurd!
When I come upon a hill on my way,
From now on I will say

ALL: "A-lalla-lalla-rumba-kamanda-lind-or-buru-ume!" (repeat)

PIPPIN: Well, I don't know, I kind of like
To call it a hill, like Michael's "Mike."
You can call me hasty and young—
But the Entish knots my tongue!
At least that's how it seems to me.

(Music stops. TREEBEARD and MERRY glare at PIPPIN. PIPPIN looks down, cowed. Music comes back up, and PIPPIN sings, very slowly)

PIPPIN: I'll just be over here, on the

ALL: A-lalla-lalla-rumba-kamanda-lind-or-buru-ume!

PIPPIN: Okay!

ALL: A-lalla-lalla-rumba-kamanda-lind-or-buru-ume! (repeat; all exit, dancing)


*Latin dance rhythm, possibly (I ask no forgiveness for this) a rumba.

#111 ::: Xopher ::: (view all by) ::: February 01, 2008, 06:14 PM:

I was working on that for a while, and didn't see all the comments to my previous one. I probably should have left bad enough alone, but what can I say? I got inspirated.

#112 ::: Mary Aileen ::: (view all by) ::: February 01, 2008, 06:24 PM:

Xopher, I for one am very glad you didn't leave it alone*. I thoroughly** enjoyed that little snippet.

*Anything worth doing is worth overdoing.
**one of those words that never looks right no matter how I spell it

#113 ::: Joel Polowin ::: (view all by) ::: February 01, 2008, 07:11 PM:

TREEBEARD: Originally, you see, the pines controlled this area, and their name for this... "hill", you say? Their word for a hill was úmë; and for a low hill, burúmë. This particular hill they called lind-or-burúmë.

Now, when the beeches grew into the region, they had their own word for a hill: kamanda. But they kept the old name to identify it, so: kamanda-lind-or-burúmë.

Then there was a horrible forest fire in which many good trees died. When we brought in some cedars to recolonize, they in turn had their own word: rumba --

PIPPIN: Can we please get on with the singing and dancing?

#114 ::: Fragano Ledgister ::: (view all by) ::: February 01, 2008, 07:33 PM:

That's two whole internets for Xopher.

#115 ::: Earl Cooley III ::: (view all by) ::: February 01, 2008, 07:34 PM:

Bombadilisqatsi: The Road Goes Ever On, a song cycle by Philip Glass.

#116 ::: Jim Henry ::: (view all by) ::: February 01, 2008, 07:36 PM:

Francis D @55:

Yes, I would like to see one or more of the stories from the Silmarillion as films. Esp. Beren and Luthien, or the Children of Hurin.

I once sketched out an alternate history story where Tolkien's submission of the Silmarillion material to Allen & Unwin in 1937 got more of a favorable review from the first reader, and he was asked to expand some of those stories into novels rather than asked for Hobbit sequel. I didn't get very far with it, though.

#117 ::: Paula Lieberman ::: (view all by) ::: February 01, 2008, 09:06 PM:

Dildo Baggings and the Engine of Doom
Dildo Baggings in There and Out Again

#118 ::: Jack Ruttan ::: (view all by) ::: February 01, 2008, 10:53 PM:

Dr. Strangegrove, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Tom Bombadil.

#119 ::: Serge ::: (view all by) ::: February 01, 2008, 11:03 PM:

Paula Lieberman... And of course there were the throbbits in Lord of the G-string.

#120 ::: Soon Lee ::: (view all by) ::: February 01, 2008, 11:07 PM:

A Quenya of Solace

The backstory of Galadriel.

#121 ::: Bruce Cohen (SpeakerToManagers) ::: (view all by) ::: February 01, 2008, 11:15 PM:

MikeB @ 105

Full Mithril Jacket

Prior publication at 48, though I did mispell it.

But while we're on Kubrick:

All-Seeing Eye Wide Shut.

#122 ::: dido ::: (view all by) ::: February 02, 2008, 12:04 AM:

This thread is one of the funniest damn things I've ever read.

I wish I could give a shout out to all my favorites, but there are way, way, way too many.

Serge @ 119 gets a (dis?)honorable mention.

LOVE ALL.

#123 ::: Serge ::: (view all by) ::: February 02, 2008, 01:10 AM:

dido @ 122... I am honored, but I must decline. You see, there really is a movie called Lord of the G-string.

#124 ::: dido ::: (view all by) ::: February 02, 2008, 01:13 AM:

Serge:
Nuh-uh.

(Any documentary evidence will be resolutely ignored. Also it was the "throbbits" that pushed me over the edge.)

#125 ::: Serge ::: (view all by) ::: February 02, 2008, 01:29 AM:

dido @ 124... All documentary evidence willbe ignored, even imdb.com's entry for The Lord of the G-Strings: The Femaleship of the String? It stars Erin Brown as Dildo Saggins. "... A diminutive and seductive Throbbit has been entrusted with the task of destroying the all-powerful G-String that can grant its possessor untold powers..."

#126 ::: Faren Miller ::: (view all by) ::: February 02, 2008, 09:21 AM:

I just can't picture a female hobbit in stileto heels. Maybe extra-wide ruby slippers? (Or the latest in fashion, fuzzitoes.)

#127 ::: Serge ::: (view all by) ::: February 02, 2008, 09:34 AM:

Faren @ 126... I guess that's one media-inspired thing we'll never see at a worldcon masquerade. Sigh.

#128 ::: cajunfj40 ::: (view all by) ::: February 02, 2008, 02:50 PM:

Wife's suggestion:
StingRunner

-cajun

#129 ::: Robert L ::: (view all by) ::: February 02, 2008, 03:52 PM:

Gollum's Way: Rise to Power

Mordor by Numbers

#130 ::: Debbie ::: (view all by) ::: February 02, 2008, 04:02 PM:

The Sting
Into the Woods
The Accidental Tourist

Dang.

#131 ::: Constance Ash ::: (view all by) ::: February 02, 2008, 07:17 PM:

Déagol's Fatal Attraction.

Love, C.

#132 ::: Michael Roberts ::: (view all by) ::: February 02, 2008, 10:43 PM:

Serge @125 - yes, even that.

#133 ::: Paula Helm Murray ::: (view all by) ::: February 02, 2008, 11:04 PM:

Paula L et al. I can see some of these titles in my mind's eye, as an vaudeville act in our local adult relaxacon's camp show.... (last year a group from Yard Dog Press finished off any respectful listening of the musical Oklahoma, the year before it was doing in The Sound of Music...they came up with excellent, but skating-on-the-edge-of obscenity redoings of the songs/storylines.)

Yikes. Just yikes.

#134 ::: oliviacw ::: (view all by) ::: February 02, 2008, 11:30 PM:

When the ancient wizard finds the young Bilbo Baggins and helps him pull the ring from the stone...oh, what was that one? Yes....

The Once and Future Ring

#135 ::: Serge ::: (view all by) ::: February 02, 2008, 11:57 PM:

Michael Roberts @ 132... Not even that? And what if I said that Mike Ford himself had reviewed it on this site, and concluded, if I remember correctly, that it was actually funny?

#136 ::: Robert L ::: (view all by) ::: February 02, 2008, 11:57 PM:

For a Few Rings More

#137 ::: Robert L ::: (view all by) ::: February 03, 2008, 12:03 AM:

For a Few Rings More

#138 ::: Avram ::: (view all by) ::: February 03, 2008, 01:45 AM:

Faren #126, Serge #127, re a female hobbit in stiletto heels, well, have you ever read the webcomic Flaky Pastry? There's an evil hobbit mage character. She goes barefoot, but, well, have a look.

#139 ::: Serge ::: (view all by) ::: February 03, 2008, 02:11 AM:

Avram @ 138... Heheheh... Thanks for the link.

#140 ::: David ::: (view all by) ::: February 03, 2008, 08:48 AM:

The Unbearable Lightness of Sauron

#141 ::: James D. Macdonald ::: (view all by) ::: February 03, 2008, 09:06 AM:

A Fistful of Simarils

For a Few Simarils More

The Good, the Bad, and the Dwarven

Once Upon A Time In the Greyhavens

#142 ::: Erik Nelson ::: (view all by) ::: February 03, 2008, 04:46 PM:

Battlefield Middle Earth
Based on a book by Elrond Hubbard

#143 ::: James D. Macdonald ::: (view all by) ::: February 03, 2008, 06:19 PM:

Strangers on a Wain

#144 ::: TexAnne ::: (view all by) ::: February 03, 2008, 06:22 PM:

The Pelennor Beanfields War

#145 ::: Ginger ::: (view all by) ::: February 03, 2008, 10:09 PM:

The Treasure of the Sierra Morgul
Dances with Wargs
The Wizard of Osgiliath

#146 ::: James D. Macdonald ::: (view all by) ::: February 03, 2008, 11:15 PM:

Guess Who's Coming To Second Breakfast

#147 ::: elise ::: (view all by) ::: February 03, 2008, 11:35 PM:

Serge, yep, Mike did watch Lord of the G-String. All the way through. Making MST3K commentary at times.

One of the top three movie dates with Mike evar.

#148 ::: Sherbrooke ::: (view all by) ::: February 05, 2008, 01:58 AM:

Bilbo Baggins and the Traiders of the Lost ring
Bilbo Baggins and the Temple of Khazad-Doom
(Couldn't do the Last Crusade - anyone wanna try)

Play Misty Mountains for me

Dragons on a plain

The silence of the lembas

To kill a Nazgul

Bridge on the River Branduin

Life of Beren

A few good hobbits

Wild Wild West Farthing

#149 ::: Megan Messinger ::: (view all by) ::: February 05, 2008, 04:08 PM:

Kindergarten Attercop

Also, I'm late to the game because the top row of my keyboard stopped working...I discovered this when I went to google something and saw that the first hit was a disemvowled comment on Making Light. ;0)

#150 ::: Xopher ::: (view all by) ::: February 05, 2008, 04:16 PM:

James 146: already said.

Ginger 145, one of yours too, same post.

#151 ::: Ginger ::: (view all by) ::: February 05, 2008, 04:27 PM:

Xopher: Drat! Well, great minds and all that. ;-)

#152 ::: FungiFromYuggoth ::: (view all by) ::: February 05, 2008, 05:21 PM:

This thread makes me insides explode with delight.

The only true sequel to the Hobbit would, of course, be Bilbo Baggins Against the Middle-Earth Crime League

I do see a lot of potential for prequels, including:
Thorin's Run
Reservoir Dwarves
Sleepy Hobbit

For safety reasons, of course, under no circumstances should anyone attempt to film The Dunwich Hobbit.

#153 ::: Marilee ::: (view all by) ::: February 06, 2008, 01:50 AM:

Anybody read Pat Murphy's There and Back Again? Excellent retelling of the Hobbit in space.

#154 ::: Jamie ::: (view all by) ::: February 13, 2008, 05:24 PM:

Lawrence of Harad
The Baggins Identity
The Baggins Supremacy
The Baggins Ultimatum
Little Miss Vása[2]
The Mûmakil Man

OK, I'm done.

#155 ::: Jamie ::: (view all by) ::: February 13, 2008, 05:27 PM:

Ignore the [2] there, I was going to add a couple footnotes but decided you'd all be geeky enough to find out the meaning of anything you didn't know then neglected to remove one of them.

[2] Vása - A Nordor word for Sun

#156 ::: Mark Reed ::: (view all by) ::: February 23, 2008, 06:39 PM:

Third Age of Innocence
The Heart of a Lonely Mountain
Durin One Night
Rune
Ringing in the Dain

I really like "The Beorn Identity" series. "Borin" also works...

Just for pure geek factor:
Eredor Dwarf: Smaug Ups

#157 ::: Caroline sees GIANT SPAM HIT ::: (view all by) ::: November 24, 2009, 07:24 PM:

Big spam hit in the last several comments on various threads, this one included.

#158 ::: Karen Anderson ::: (view all by) ::: November 08, 2010, 09:50 PM:

It's like Lord of the rings all over again.:)

#159 ::: Tom Whitmore sees lackluster spam ::: (view all by) ::: March 14, 2011, 04:49 PM:

Not even trying, are they?

#160 ::: Janet Brennan Croft ::: (view all by) ::: March 14, 2011, 08:02 PM:

See, the nice thing about spam is that I get to go back and read threads I unaccountably missed. And I don't know how I missed this one. Classics, all of them.

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