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I see here that Guillermo del Toro has been signed up to direct the two upcoming prequels to Peter Jackson’s Lord of the Rings films.
It’s obvious what the first will be, but the second, not so much. It’s probably still in the kicking-around-ideas stage. To help matters along, I’m proposing some possible titles:
Update: Lots more in comments. I’m particularly fond of Joel Polowin’s Rocky Bilboa, Bill Higgins’s The Hobfather, and Paul Duncanson’s The Orthanc Redemption and Jonathan Livingston Nazgûl. If some fanfic author hasn’t written up a few pages of that last one before the weekend’s out, I’ll be surprised.
Mr Bilbo: Or, How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love the Ring
Hobbit II: Back Again
Smeagol Strikes Back
The Dwarfs Done Gone
Hobbit II: The Wrath of Lobelia Sackville-Baggins
Coming soon, Whoopee Goldberg in Back in the Hobbit...
Elmer Fudd in That Wascally Hobbit...
Gérard Depardieu in Le Hobbit ne fait pas le moine...
Mirkwood, the inspiring yet tragic story of Thrain's attempt to expose the Necromancer's unsafe working conditions to the White Council.
Bringing up Frodo
Eat, Drink, Hobbit, Hobbit
Barry Bostwick in The Delta Force of Hobbit...
Serge @5: How about Depardieu in Le Retour de Bilbo Baggins?
Valley of the Trolls, or, Rocky Bilboa.
(Okay, partially lifted from Bored of the Rings.)
Julie L @ 10... Or Gérard in the new Piaf biopic, Non, je ne regrette ring...
Under Mirkwood. After smoking entirely too much of a particularly strong crop of pipeweed, Gandalf, Bilbo, and others dream....
I note with interest the Hellboy II advert accompanying this thread.
James Bond will be back in Gollumfinger...
The Hobbits. To be followed up with The Hobbit^3 and The Hobbit Resurrection.
_Hobbit 2: Judgment Day_: Two Maiar are sent back in time, one to wrest the Ring from Gollum before Bilbo can acquire it and set it on the path to destruction, and the other to ensure that the Ring takes its destined path. The latter eventually succeeds, but not without making some significant changes to the time-stream in the process, most notably Bilbo finding the Ring on the ground instead of being given it by Gollum, and the introduction of multiple Eagles-ex-machina escapes from various complications introduced by the evil Maiar-800.
Fans of the first and second movies bitterly argue about the continuity disruptions ever after...
Peter Sellers in A Bagshot in the Dark
You people (heh) seem to be forgetting that there is more than one prequel to Lord of the Rings in print.
Gondolin with the Wind
Fear and Loathing in Lothlorien
In all seriousness, I think the two movies should be called:
The Hobbit: There
and
The Hobbit: Back Again.
Kratakoa: East of Númenor
I am Hobbit: Blue
I am Hobbit: Yellow
ps: "To" help matters along... (etc)
Some rings things you shouldn't develop a fondness for...
Warwick Davis is a Bad Hobbit
Oh hell, he should just make Bored of the Rings. I thought Jackson should have done that in the first place as he had all the sets and props together, and he certainly has the sensibility for it. (Cf. Meet the Feebles, Dead Alive, et al.)
And then, of course, Hobbits vs. Predator: Requiem.
It occurs to me that The Hobbit is even more lacking in visibly female characters than LotR was. How will the story be changed to make it more acceptable to modern audiences, with a proper balance of characters -- make Fili and Kili Thorin's nieces?
Bilbo needs a wise-cracking animal sidekick, too.
Hmm. Hobbit Trek: The Next Generation. Hobbit Trek: Deep Forest Nine.
Forbidden Hobbit
Waiting for Hobbit
A Hobbit Called Bilbo
Will "scifantasy" Frank @ #24: The Hobbit: Back Again
With my executive bunny hat on, I say that that's not snappy enough, and suggest that it be changed to The Hobbit Returns. (To be followed, of course, by either The Hobbit Forever or The Scorpion Ring.)
The musical sensation of the year, Elvish Presley, in Change of Hobbit.
#35: Remember, dwarves are not sexually dimorphic.
Peter Jackson can combine two of his interests by making
Son of Hobbit
followed by
Mighty Joe Baggins
The comic book should sell well, too ...
Eternal Breakfast of the Hobbit Mind.
Hobbit Gump
Bag End Confidential
David Hobbitfield
The Wizard Always Magic Rings Twice
Ceci n'est pas une pipeweed
Backdwarf - Putting out the Dragonfire
Not quite appropriate for a prequel, but:
Khazad-dûm and Khazad-dûmmer
Six Hairy Feet Under
Full Mithral Jacket
The Cook, The Thief, His Wife, and Her Hobbit
Bob and Carol and Ted and Bilbo
I Know Who You Shot With a Black Arrow Last Summer
The Thrush Always Knocks Twice
How Gandalf Got His Groove Back
Bringing Up Bilbo
Dirty Hobbit
Gojira tai Hedorâ aka "Godzilla vs. the Smaug Monster"
Smaugma
Red Dwarf: The Hairy Edge
The Hobbit 2: A Hard Hobbit To Break
Hobbit's Feast
Elrond: The Smartest Guy In The Room
Like Ent-draught for Lembas
(couldn't find a Tolkienian analogue for chocolate)
Stoned Trolls Gather Moss
On second thought....Nah. Not enough action.
Bilbo: Riddler on the Loose
Something from the Silmarillion probably. Possibly something like the Tale of Aragorn and Arwen. Yes, I know. I'm no fun.
debbie@49:
Of course, the Beornings should get their own series:
The Beorn Identity
The Beorn Supremacy
Little House on the Carrock
@Avram
I Still Known What You Did Sixty Years Ago
The Orc Who Shot Bilbo Baggins
South Farthing: Shorter, Stouter & Unstealthy
Lobelia
(featuring Radagast Radagast and a young Lobelia S-B)
About Bilbo
Bree Hill, 90210
Citizen Saruman
The Infernoing Tower (UK title: Faulty Tower)
Dragon Tales
An Inconvenient Ret-Con
Zarderiand
All Quiet on the Southron Front
J.R.R. Tolkien's Beren+Luthien
Sam & Frodo: The Early Years
(please shoot me now)
Horror: At The Misty Mountains Of Madness
Viking Action: The Thirteenth Burglar
Western: Barrelriders In The Sky
No one's suggested:
The Hobbit 2: Kicking the Hobbit? What is this world coming to?
On a note more in keeping with the thread:
Bilbo Baggins and the Chamber of Secrets
Bilbo Baggins and the Prisoners of Mordor
Bilbo Baggins and the Mountain of Fire
Bilbo Baggins and the Order of the Rangers
Bilbo Baggins and the Half-Blood Elf
Bilbo Baggins and the Deathly Riders
Bilbo Baggins in Love
Smoking Mountain
Jon Meltzer @ 39: That was why I specified "visibly female". But the modern audience would need to know that they were female. Y'know, have them wearing makeup, frilly chain mail, small ladylike axes, kind of thing.
Bride of the Hobbit
Son of Baggins
The Hobbit Conquers the Martians
The Hobbit Episode I: The Dwarvish Menace
The Hobbit Episode II: Attack of the Orcs
The Hobbit Episode III: Revenge of the Wargs
(these are supposed to be prequels for the LotR movies, right?)
Y'know, have them wearing makeup, frilly chain mail, small ladylike axes, kind of thing.
Beard perms?
Black Riders of the Purple Sage
A Manwe for All Seasons
Jonathan Livingston Nazgûl
Seven Rings For Seven Dwarf-Lords
Hobbit. "In a hole, no one can hear you scream."
Hobbits. "This time, it's dinner."
Of course they'll jump the shark with Hobbits:3 and Hobbit: The Resurrection, but nobody with any sense will watch those.
Gollum's Labyrinth
The Balrog's Backbone
(Hey, it's Guillermo del Toro who's supposed to be directing, right?)
Gollum GoLightly in Second Breakfast at Tiffanys
Josh Jasper @ 57:
Horror: At The Misty Mountains Of Madness
Apparently, Guillermo del Toro would actually like to make a movie based on Lovecraft's novel -- he's even written a script for it.
Why not prequels to the Hobbit as well:
The Akallabeth: Live Forever or Die Hard
Morgoth and Ungoliant: A Love Story
Ent vs. Entwife
The Simillarion: Ooooh, Shiny!
The Lost Hobbit
The Amazing Saruman
The Legend of Baggins Vance
A Passage to Erebor
With Six You Get Lembas
This is hysterical.
@58 Hillary: Bilbo Baggins and the Half-Blood Elf -- I'd watch it.
I honestly can't believe anybody missed these, but:
Kill Bilbo
Kill Bilbo II
Michael @ 75: You win the Internet!
Bilbo's adventures inspire a young Proudfoot lass to seek her fortune in "Bend it Like Baggins"
Four dwarves find themselves on the run from the most vengeful Elven house of all in "Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Simarils"
The Glóin in Winter
Fed Again
Guess Who's Coming to Second Breakfast?
A Túrin With the Sun
Nírnaeth Arnoediad—Valinor's Loss of Innocence (a History Channel documentary)
Gone with the Windlord
A Wighter Shade of Pale
Pelennor Field of Dreams
The Wizard of Osgiliath
The Trouble with Húrin
Grey Havens (the story of two elderly Elf women who refuse to go back to Valinor, despite the fact that Imladris is crumbling)
Humphrey Bogart and Lauren Bacall in To Elf or Elf Not...
Creation of a magocratic empire in "Gandalf the Great"
Monty Pythons' "Life of Bilbo"
A dwarf imprisoned in "Save Private Thrain"
Marc G. # 78:"Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Simarils"
Or the part with the big dragon-attack on Lake-town could be "Loch, Smaug and Two Smoking Nostrils".
(Sorry.)
The Lord of the Rings
The Hobbit
Son of the Lord of the Rings
Wife of the Hobbit
The Lord of the Rings' Drunken Twin Daughters
Daughter of the Hobbit meets McKinsey and Co.
etc.
#55: when Jackson does the Rivendell scene in The Hobbit I want to see 11-year-old Aragorn staring at the dwarves.
George Clooney in "Ocean's Elven"....
Wait. So Bilbo the quiet hobbit goes off and gets a taste for adventure?
I bet he acquires a geographical nickname and a bullwhip and stars in a whole series of films.
Raiders of the Lost Arkenstone
West Farthing Baggins and the Watchtower of Doom
West Farthing Baggins and the Last Orcish Raid
West Farthing Baggins and the Kingdom of the Palintir*
-----
* Scheduled for release on 22 Thrimidge 2008 (Shire reckoning)
Uruk-hai Yojimbo (with apologies to Stan Sakai)
The Maiar of Casterbridge
Looking for Mr. Baggins
Mr. Baggins Goes to Washington
Danielle Steele's The Ring
Merry & Pippin's Wives of Windsor
Arwen: The King and I
The Mordor the Merrier
Gandalf: A Bridge Too Far
The Wonderful Wizard of Orthanc
Did anyone mention the action/thriller "Bilbo First Blood Part 2"?
In that vein..
"Judge Bilbo"
"Hobbitz"
"Nighthobbits"
"Hobbit Story"
"Farewell, My Elven"
"The Lords of Flatfarthing"
Young Bilbo Jones
Li'l Bilbo
Hannibilbo Rising
Some Like it Hobbit
Frodo Gump
and the animated classic, Finding Frodo
Paul Duncanson @62: that may be the best yet, in my very humble opinion.
Now I must figure out how to convert "Rear Window" into elvish.
Hobbit & Costello Meet Frankenstein
Pelennor Field of Dreams
Adel Henneth
Bravehobbit
..and "Band of Brothers" works without needing any translation, doesn't it?
That's Ent-ertainment, parts 1, 2 and 3
Several centuries in the making... edited down to just a few decades of their greatest production numbers.
Smurch 103: Featuring the terrific Bollywood dance extravaganza "A-Lalla-Lalla-Rumba-Kamanda-Lind-Or-Burúme," also called "'Hill' is a Hasty Sort of Word," which shows, in time-lapse photography, the hill in question from the downfall of Númenor to the end of the Third Age, with Ents wandering in every now and then and going "hoom."
"The most exciting movie ever produced by Ents!!!" raves Morris Schmetterling.
"Unfortunately I have no doubt that Schmetterling is right," muses Brolph Vetz.
If only Stanley Kubrick were alive
1360 (Third Age): A Hobbit Odyssey
A Clockwork Hobbit
Bilbo Lyndon
One Nazgul Flew Over the Hobbit Hole
Full Mithril Jacket
Followed by the classic Ent comedy "To Leaf or Not to Leaf" (which is admittedly the Hobbitish translation of the title).
Then there's the Ent horror film, "Blazing Sarumans".
Xopher at #104: I just laughed so hard Ent-draught went up my nose!
Xopher #104: Thou hast won one Internette. Where dost thou want it?
TREEBEARD: What do you call this thing we're standing on?
MERRY (or PIPPIN): A hill.
TREEBEARD: A hill. Hoom. A hill, you say?
(music swells)
TREEBEARD (sings): Well, 'hill' is a hasty sort of word
HOBBITS (singing backup): Ooo, ooo.
TREEBEARD: For something here since this part of the world
Was shaped.
HOBBITS: Was shaped?
ALL, in harmony: Was sha-a-a-ped!
PIPPIN (or MERRY): So what do YOU call it, anyway?
TREEBEARD: Well, part of what we like to say
Is "a-lalla-lalla-rumba-kamanda-lind-or-buru-ume!"*
HOBBITS: What say?
TREEBEARD: I said,
"A-lalla-lalla-rumba-kamanda-lind-or-buru-ume!"
HOBBITS: Hey hey!
ALL (in harmony, with dancing): A-lalla-lalla-rumba-kamanda-lind-or-buru-ume!
MERRY: I like this word much better!
Treebeard, I'll be your debtor
For teaching me the Entish word!
The Westron one now seems absurd!
When I come upon a hill on my way,
From now on I will say
ALL: "A-lalla-lalla-rumba-kamanda-lind-or-buru-ume!" (repeat)
PIPPIN: Well, I don't know, I kind of like
To call it a hill, like Michael's "Mike."
You can call me hasty and young—
But the Entish knots my tongue!
At least that's how it seems to me.
(Music stops. TREEBEARD and MERRY glare at PIPPIN. PIPPIN looks down, cowed. Music comes back up, and PIPPIN sings, very slowly)
PIPPIN: I'll just be over here, on the
ALL: A-lalla-lalla-rumba-kamanda-lind-or-buru-ume!
PIPPIN: Okay!
ALL: A-lalla-lalla-rumba-kamanda-lind-or-buru-ume! (repeat; all exit, dancing)
*Latin dance rhythm, possibly (I ask no forgiveness for this) a rumba.
I was working on that for a while, and didn't see all the comments to my previous one. I probably should have left bad enough alone, but what can I say? I got inspirated.
Xopher, I for one am very glad you didn't leave it alone*. I thoroughly** enjoyed that little snippet.
*Anything worth doing is worth overdoing.
**one of those words that never looks right no matter how I spell it
TREEBEARD: Originally, you see, the pines controlled this area, and their name for this... "hill", you say? Their word for a hill was úmë; and for a low hill, burúmë. This particular hill they called lind-or-burúmë.
Now, when the beeches grew into the region, they had their own word for a hill: kamanda. But they kept the old name to identify it, so: kamanda-lind-or-burúmë.
Then there was a horrible forest fire in which many good trees died. When we brought in some cedars to recolonize, they in turn had their own word: rumba --
PIPPIN: Can we please get on with the singing and dancing?
That's two whole internets for Xopher.
Bombadilisqatsi: The Road Goes Ever On, a song cycle by Philip Glass.
Francis D @55:
Yes, I would like to see one or more of the stories from the Silmarillion as films. Esp. Beren and Luthien, or the Children of Hurin.
I once sketched out an alternate history story where Tolkien's submission of the Silmarillion material to Allen & Unwin in 1937 got more of a favorable review from the first reader, and he was asked to expand some of those stories into novels rather than asked for Hobbit sequel. I didn't get very far with it, though.
Dildo Baggings and the Engine of Doom
Dildo Baggings in There and Out Again
Dr. Strangegrove, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Tom Bombadil.
Paula Lieberman... And of course there were the throbbits in Lord of the G-string.
A Quenya of Solace
The backstory of Galadriel.
MikeB @ 105
Full Mithril Jacket
Prior publication at 48, though I did mispell it.
But while we're on Kubrick:
All-Seeing Eye Wide Shut.
This thread is one of the funniest damn things I've ever read.
I wish I could give a shout out to all my favorites, but there are way, way, way too many.
Serge @ 119 gets a (dis?)honorable mention.
LOVE ALL.
dido @ 122... I am honored, but I must decline. You see, there really is a movie called Lord of the G-string.
Serge:
Nuh-uh.
(Any documentary evidence will be resolutely ignored. Also it was the "throbbits" that pushed me over the edge.)
dido @ 124... All documentary evidence willbe ignored, even imdb.com's entry for The Lord of the G-Strings: The Femaleship of the String? It stars Erin Brown as Dildo Saggins. "... A diminutive and seductive Throbbit has been entrusted with the task of destroying the all-powerful G-String that can grant its possessor untold powers..."
I just can't picture a female hobbit in stileto heels. Maybe extra-wide ruby slippers? (Or the latest in fashion, fuzzitoes.)
Faren @ 126... I guess that's one media-inspired thing we'll never see at a worldcon masquerade. Sigh.
Wife's suggestion:
StingRunner
-cajun
Gollum's Way: Rise to Power
Mordor by Numbers
The Sting
Into the Woods
The Accidental Tourist
Dang.
Déagol's Fatal Attraction.
Love, C.
Serge @125 - yes, even that.
Paula L et al. I can see some of these titles in my mind's eye, as an vaudeville act in our local adult relaxacon's camp show.... (last year a group from Yard Dog Press finished off any respectful listening of the musical Oklahoma, the year before it was doing in The Sound of Music...they came up with excellent, but skating-on-the-edge-of obscenity redoings of the songs/storylines.)
Yikes. Just yikes.
When the ancient wizard finds the young Bilbo Baggins and helps him pull the ring from the stone...oh, what was that one? Yes....
The Once and Future Ring
Michael Roberts @ 132... Not even that? And what if I said that Mike Ford himself had reviewed it on this site, and concluded, if I remember correctly, that it was actually funny?
Faren #126, Serge #127, re a female hobbit in stiletto heels, well, have you ever read the webcomic Flaky Pastry? There's an evil hobbit mage character. She goes barefoot, but, well, have a look.
Avram @ 138... Heheheh... Thanks for the link.
The Unbearable Lightness of Sauron
A Fistful of Simarils
For a Few Simarils More
The Good, the Bad, and the Dwarven
Once Upon A Time In the Greyhavens
Battlefield Middle Earth
Based on a book by Elrond Hubbard
The Treasure of the Sierra Morgul
Dances with Wargs
The Wizard of Osgiliath
Guess Who's Coming To Second Breakfast
Serge, yep, Mike did watch Lord of the G-String. All the way through. Making MST3K commentary at times.
One of the top three movie dates with Mike evar.
Bilbo Baggins and the Traiders of the Lost ring
Bilbo Baggins and the Temple of Khazad-Doom
(Couldn't do the Last Crusade - anyone wanna try)
Play Misty Mountains for me
Dragons on a plain
The silence of the lembas
To kill a Nazgul
Bridge on the River Branduin
Life of Beren
A few good hobbits
Wild Wild West Farthing
Kindergarten Attercop
Also, I'm late to the game because the top row of my keyboard stopped working...I discovered this when I went to google something and saw that the first hit was a disemvowled comment on Making Light. ;0)
James 146: already said.
Ginger 145, one of yours too, same post.
Xopher: Drat! Well, great minds and all that. ;-)
This thread makes me insides explode with delight.
The only true sequel to the Hobbit would, of course, be Bilbo Baggins Against the Middle-Earth Crime League
I do see a lot of potential for prequels, including:
Thorin's Run
Reservoir Dwarves
Sleepy Hobbit
For safety reasons, of course, under no circumstances should anyone attempt to film The Dunwich Hobbit.
Anybody read Pat Murphy's There and Back Again? Excellent retelling of the Hobbit in space.
Lawrence of Harad
The Baggins Identity
The Baggins Supremacy
The Baggins Ultimatum
Little Miss Vása[2]
The Mûmakil Man
OK, I'm done.
Ignore the [2] there, I was going to add a couple footnotes but decided you'd all be geeky enough to find out the meaning of anything you didn't know then neglected to remove one of them.
[2] Vása - A Nordor word for Sun
Third Age of Innocence
The Heart of a Lonely Mountain
Durin One Night
Rune
Ringing in the Dain
I really like "The Beorn Identity" series. "Borin" also works...
Just for pure geek factor:
Eredor Dwarf: Smaug Ups
Big spam hit in the last several comments on various threads, this one included.
It's like Lord of the rings all over again.:)
Not even trying, are they?
See, the nice thing about spam is that I get to go back and read threads I unaccountably missed. And I don't know how I missed this one. Classics, all of them.
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