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January 11, 2011

Dead On Arrival
Posted by Jim Macdonald at 11:34 PM * 82 comments

It’s January, and that means it’s time for a Making Light Tradition, the Second Annual Winter Zombie Song Fest.

Doo-dloo-doo-doo-doo
Doo-dloo-doo-doo-doo-doo
Doo-dloo-doo-doo-doo-doo
Doo-dloo-doo-doo-doo-doo…

I’m shamblin’ in the snow
Just shamblin’ in the snow
I got off the slab
With a tag on my toe.
When there’s growth of demand
(Says John Maynard Keynes)
You’ll supply what I want
‘Cause I’m hungry for brains.
We’ll see who survives
If you run for your lives:
A chainsaw won’t help,
Neither will guns or knives.
I lurch to and fro
Very scary although
I’m shamblin’
Just shamblin’ in the snow.

Comments on Dead On Arrival:
#1 ::: xeger ::: (view all by) ::: January 12, 2011, 12:45 AM:

For some reason they never believe me when I call in dead ...

#2 ::: Tom Whitmore ::: (view all by) ::: January 12, 2011, 01:02 AM:

And who could forget "Shambling in a zombie wonderland"?

#3 ::: Bruce Cohen (Speaker to Managers) ::: (view all by) ::: January 12, 2011, 01:07 AM:

Moses maintains that brains are in the food chain,
But Moses maintains Erroneously,
Moses explains his brains aren't chow mein,
As Moses maintains his brains not to be!
Moses disdains his brains as whole grain,
But Moses complains Erroneously,
A brain is a brain!
A grain is a grain!
A vein is a vein!
Hooptie doodie doodle

#4 ::: Paula Liebeman ::: (view all by) ::: January 12, 2011, 01:26 AM:

#0 Jim
Grumblegrumblegrumblegrumble....
You just had to do that on a triple birthday of Making Light contributors... grumblegrumblegrumble (Seth Breidbart, Bill Higgins, and me. I think we're all the same age. I'm a few hours older than Seth is.)

#5 ::: SR Chalup ::: (view all by) ::: January 12, 2011, 02:22 AM:

Here comes Zombie Snowflake
Dressed in a stained white gown
Tap, tap, tappin' at your window pane
To tell you she's in town

Here comes Zombie Snowflake
Soon you will hear her say
"Come out ev'ryone and play with me
'Cause I won't go away

If you want to make more zombies
I'll help you make one, two, three
If you wanna give your brains up
I'll eat them happily."

Here comes Zombie Snowflake
Look at her stumblin' round
Bringing fear both far and near
Zombie's come to town

#6 ::: David Goldfarb ::: (view all by) ::: January 12, 2011, 04:24 AM:

And you all share a birthday with Kaja Foglio.

#7 ::: ma larkey ::: (view all by) ::: January 12, 2011, 04:46 AM:

heaven, I'm in heaven
and my body's so decayed it really reeks
and I seem to find the happiness i seek
when I'm chewing off your lovely yummy cheek

heaven, I'm in heaven
and the flesh that hangs about me may be weak
but in truth you know a shambler cannot speak
when I'm busy noshing bodies cheek to cheek

oh I'd love to get your liver
or your spleen or ovaries
but it wouldn't thrill me half as much
as spinal fluid leak
oh I'd love to take a bite of
your brain and have a peek
into that lovely skull of yours
after I strip your cheek

come on and dance with me
I want my molars in you
the sugars in you
will carry me through
to heaven
I'm in heaven
and my longing is so strong I cannot speak
all you hear is moans and I've found what I seek
tasty brain and yes,
my teeth deep in your cheek .

#8 ::: Serge ::: (view all by) ::: January 12, 2011, 07:25 AM:

David Goldfarb @ 6... And isn't today also the birthday of Bill Higgings, who was the inspiration for Bill Heterodyne? Happy birthday, Bill!

#9 ::: Serge ::: (view all by) ::: January 12, 2011, 07:26 AM:

Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
My foot is dead.
"So's the rest of you!"

#10 ::: dlbowman76 ::: (view all by) ::: January 12, 2011, 07:42 AM:

Undead, fill deserted streets,
When mankind meets its fate.
Come to grips. Apocalypse,
For humanity it's just too late.
Undead, far as the eye can see.
Slowly you're ambling 'round the bend.
I'm hiding with my friend -
Waiting for the End,
The undead and me.

#11 ::: Earl Cooley III ::: (view all by) ::: January 12, 2011, 08:22 AM:

Munching on your shoulders makes me happy
Munching on your brains tastes just like pie
Munching in the food court is so messy
Munching hippies always makes me high
If I had a brain that I could give you
I'd give you a brain just like souffle
If I had a grrr that I could argghh for you
I'd grrr and argghh to make you feel this way

Munching on your shoulders makes me happy
Munching on your brains tastes just like pie
Munching in the food court is so messy
Munching hippies always makes me high
If I had my lips still I could kiss you
I'd kiss your lips, nibble on your smile
If I had a thought that I could think for you
I'd make a plan for munching all the while

Munching on your shoulders makes me happy
Munching on your brains tastes just like pie
Munching in the food court is so messy
Munching hippies always makes me high

Munching hippies all the time makes me high
Munching hippies always...

#12 ::: Sarah S. ::: (view all by) ::: January 12, 2011, 09:33 AM:

Ah! This explains why, when I turned on the car radio this morning, I heard:

"Take it!
Take another little piece of my heart..."

#13 ::: Serge ::: (view all by) ::: January 12, 2011, 10:00 AM:

Sarah S @ 12...

And I can't get it out of my head,
No, I can't get it out of my head,
Now my old world is gone for dead
'Cos I can't get it out of my head.

#14 ::: Jon Marcus ::: (view all by) ::: January 12, 2011, 10:21 AM:

Not in heaven, walking dead here.
Hungry revenant, want to eat your warm flesh.

Life is tasty, messy stains of gore
splashed upon the walls and spattered on the door.

You hear my groans in the hallway as I stumble.
The radio warns "Evactuate! Right away!"
And chewing on your brain I get the feeling that I want to do this everyday...everyday...

Zombie roads, take me back
To the place, where there's prey.
Anywhere there's scent of sweet brains
Take me there, zombie roads.

#15 ::: Steve C. ::: (view all by) ::: January 12, 2011, 10:29 AM:

I have eaten
the brains
that were in
your head

and which
you probably needed
for survival

forgive me
they were delicious
so mushy
and so warm

#16 ::: Vef ::: (view all by) ::: January 12, 2011, 10:32 AM:

Nobody wants to attempt 'Zombling Merry Christmas' then?

Try to imagine
A corpse without a crumb
Try to imagine
A table bare and glum
That’s what we’ll see
By the Christmas tree
Our bellies cry for meat
Since you’ve gone away
‘Till St Stephen’s Day
We’ve got no brains, no brains to eat

We’ll be hungry this Christmas
We’re left all alone
We’ll be hungry this Christmas
And that’s why we groan
Cos we’ll have no lunch
Without you to munch
This Christmas

We thought we’d be feasting
At least ‘till new year’s day
But it looks like old Romero
Has scared you all away
So we’ll break our teeth
Chewing on the wreath
You left hanging on your door
Why should we undead
Always go unfed
What else is goodwill for?

We’ll be hungry this Christmas
We’re left all alone
We’ll be hungry this Christmas
And that’s why we groan
There’ll be no hot brains
No outbreak to contain
This Christmas

Merry Christmas, fleshlings. Wherever you are.

#17 ::: The Modesto Kid ::: (view all by) ::: January 12, 2011, 11:17 AM:

Check in at Scenes from a Multiverse for updates on the zombie attacks on Prutanga.

#18 ::: Madeleine Robins ::: (view all by) ::: January 12, 2011, 11:33 AM:

It's very clear,
Your brains are here for me.
Not for next year:
I want them instantly.
The radio and the telephone
And reporters on the news
They all advise you taking up
Your running shoes!

But oh, my dear,
Your brains are here for me.
They smell so sweet, tasty as they can be.
Perhaps other zombies may stumble on you where you've crumbled
And munch on a limb or three, but
Your brains are here for me.

#19 ::: Fragano Ledgister ::: (view all by) ::: January 12, 2011, 11:38 AM:

Steve C. #15 wins the internet.

#20 ::: Steve C. ::: (view all by) ::: January 12, 2011, 11:52 AM:

Fragano @ 19 -

Thanks! Are there brains in Internet?

#21 ::: Paul Herzberg ::: (view all by) ::: January 12, 2011, 12:00 PM:

A while ago I had this terrible joke blues stuck in my head I hope you don't mind me sharing:

Bit by A Zombie Blues

I woke up this morning had them bit by a zombie blues
You know I woke up this morning had them bit by a zombie blues
I don't like the look o' that bite now momma, I think it's turnin' puce.

Braaaaaiiiinnns
Braaaaaiiiinnns
Braaaaaiiiinnns

#22 ::: Paula Lieberman ::: (view all by) ::: January 12, 2011, 12:05 PM:


All my parts are taped,
I'm ready to go,
I'm standing here,
Beside my tomb
I hate to rise up from the ground so deep
But the dawn is breaking this early morn
A car is coming
I hear the horn
Already I'm so hungry
I could scream.

So get here and feed me now
I don't care why who or how
Tell me I will alway have my food
I'm headed to a jet plane
And so I'll feed again
Oh wow I'm so hungry--

For so many times I've preyed around
So many times up from the ground
I won't come back I won't go down again,
I'm leaving on jet plain,
So I can feed again
Leaving on a jet plane
Eat ev'ryone aboard....

#23 ::: Glenn Hauman ::: (view all by) ::: January 12, 2011, 12:55 PM:

Here comes Zombie Claus,
Here comes Zombie Claus,
Right down Zombie Claus Lane.
He and the corpse of ol' Gene Autry
Pullin' out the veins.
Sirens howlin', children yowlin',
All is scary and blight.
So bar the windows and say your prayers,
'Cause Zombie Claus comes tonight.

Here comes Zombie Claus,
Here comes Zombie Claus,
Right down Zombie Claus Lane.
He's got a jaw that's filled with teeth
To eat the children's brains.
Hear those undead shimble shamble,
Oh what a horrible sight,
So jump in bed, and cover your head,
'Cause Zombie Claus comes tonight.

Here comes Zombie Claus,
Here comes Zombie Claus,
Right down Zombie Claus Lane.
He'll come around when seals are broken,
The dead will rise again.
Peace on earth will come to all,
If we just give up the fight,
So let's give thanks to the Devil below
'Cause Zombie Claus comes tonight.

#24 ::: L. Baird ::: (view all by) ::: January 12, 2011, 01:01 PM:

Zombies in the kitchen with Dinah
Zombies in the kitchen I knoo-o-o-ow
Zombies in the kitchen with Dinah
Strummin' on the old banjo and singin'
"BLWERRRRGHHHHHHHGHGG"

A traditional folk carol, I do not know its origin or its terminus, and better sung with appropriate groaning and hand gestures. I can't take credit for it, but I'm willing to share the blame.

I would also love to find again the lyrics to Brown Eyed Ghoul, a filk published in Dragon magazine sometime in the early 90's. Perhaps google can avail me, there. (Currently my work websense won't let me at any of the links for that search, as they involve games, you know.)

#26 ::: L. Baird ::: (view all by) ::: January 12, 2011, 01:52 PM:

@#25 James D. Macdonald

Thank you, sir! Much obliged. (My functionality is hampered on my work computer, lunch break or no.)

Ahh, Ravenloft. Good times, good---oops, lost another party member---times.

#27 ::: HelenS ::: (view all by) ::: January 12, 2011, 03:24 PM:

Is this the little girl I fed on,
Is this the little boy, my prey?
I don't remember going zombie,
When did they?

#28 ::: The Modesto Kid ::: (view all by) ::: January 12, 2011, 03:32 PM:

and in the same vein,

If I were a zombie,
dweedle deedle deedle deedle deedle deedle deedle dum,
all day long I'd stumble through the graveyard,
If I were a reanimate corpse;
Wouldn't have to work hard,
dweedle deedle deedle deedle deedle deedle deedle dum,
All day long I'd beedle beedle bum,
Beedle beedle beedle beedle BRAINS

#29 ::: ers ::: (view all by) ::: January 12, 2011, 03:55 PM:

Maybe I *should* restock my zombie makeup kit for Arisia, at that.

#30 ::: Jon Marcus ::: (view all by) ::: January 12, 2011, 04:25 PM:

The Modesto Kid @ 28:

Just glanced at the first line and thought of Pete Seeger instead of Zero Mostel:

If I were a Zombie, I'd eat brains in the morning.
I'd eat brains in the evening, all over this land,
I'd eat up your brains, I'd eat up their brains,
I'd eat up the yummy brains of, my brother and my sister...a-all, over this land.

#31 ::: Cadbury Moose ::: (view all by) ::: January 12, 2011, 05:00 PM:

Brains to the left of them, brains to the right of them,
Into the valley of death lurched the six hundred....

#32 ::: Earl Cooley III ::: (view all by) ::: January 12, 2011, 06:15 PM:

It occurred to me that Imogen Heap's Clear The Area could be easily interpreted as a zombie apocalypse story, without changing a line.

#33 ::: Diatryma ::: (view all by) ::: January 12, 2011, 06:26 PM:

Cadbury Moose, surely you mean 'out of'?

#34 ::: Nan Ellman ::: (view all by) ::: January 12, 2011, 07:41 PM:

Oh, the weather outside is whiteful,
But inside we're rather frightful,
Though the snow will stay 'till it rains,
we want brains! We want brains! We want brains!

#35 ::: The Modesto Kid ::: (view all by) ::: January 12, 2011, 08:01 PM:

Well, I don't know why I came to the graveyard
It seems like something here's really backward
I'm so scared just standing here by the crypt
Like what what if I just take a step and I slip
Aw, zombies to the left of me
Ghosts to the right
Here I am, stuck in the middle with you

#36 ::: The Modesto Kid ::: (view all by) ::: January 12, 2011, 08:07 PM:

(I hope Rafferty's recent passing does not make that in bad taste.)

#37 ::: Madeleine Robins ::: (view all by) ::: January 12, 2011, 08:11 PM:

#30 ::: Jon Marcus

And continuing more or less the same way:

If I were a carpenter,
And you were a zombie...

#38 ::: glinda ::: (view all by) ::: January 12, 2011, 09:02 PM:

Paula Lieberman @ 22:

Oh well, it was nearly time for me to clean my keyboard and monitor anyway... :)

#39 ::: Paul Duncanson ::: (view all by) ::: January 12, 2011, 09:36 PM:

Down here in the southern hemisphere, it's not very wintry. Lacking the talent to match the quality on display here already, I humbly offer this link instead: "Re: Your Brains" by Jonathan Coulton.

#40 ::: Mike Leung ::: (view all by) ::: January 12, 2011, 11:40 PM:

Well you can tell by the way I keep my shambling walk
Our eternal unrest leaves us time to stalk
Your screams are loud and blood is warm
On your leg we feed, from your hip we've torn

And now it's you we bite, you're our prey
Our hunger persists in our decay
You can try to take a stand
But it's time for the dead to feed on man

Whether you're our brother
Or whether you're our mother
We'll be eating your life, eating your life
Just 'cause my ribs you're breakin'
Won't stop my mandibles from shakin'
We'll be eating your life, eating your life
Ah, ah, ah, ah, eating your life, eating your life
Ah, ah, ah, ah, eating your lie, eye, uh-uh-eye, eye

#41 ::: Bruce Cohen (Speaker to Managers) ::: (view all by) ::: January 13, 2011, 01:11 AM:

The Modesto Kid @ 36:

Oh No! I hadn't heard about his death. Crap, crap, crap, crap.

#42 ::: Alexandre Owen Muñiz ::: (view all by) ::: January 13, 2011, 03:20 AM:

Here's one I wrote a few years ago:

To the tune of Dowland's "Fine Knacks for Ladies,"

Fine brains for zombies, pink, moist, soft and smooth,
Good grey matter, and very lightly used.
I keep a corpse, but for a corpse to eat,
Survivors may be liberal of meat.

Though all my brains be fresh, the heart is chew'd!

Brains make great gifts and look for gifts within,
Sharp bits of skull and pineal glands you'll find.
It's a delicious morsel to eat plain,
Oft hath a zombie little on his mind.

Of others take a bite, of me a brain!

#43 ::: Tatterbots ::: (view all by) ::: January 13, 2011, 08:39 AM:

Celia, you're eating my heart
You've eaten my liver already
Oh Cecilia, you've eaten my knees
I'm begging you please to let go
Let me go!

Saw the newsflash this afternoon
With Cecilia up in my bedroom
I get up to lock my place
When I go back to bed, she starts eating my face.

#44 ::: Mike Leung ::: (view all by) ::: January 13, 2011, 10:41 AM:

Everybody gnaws so keep your shotgun loaded
Cars aflame roll where the roads are crossed
Everybody gnaws here and the next town over
Everybody gnaws so don't get lost
Everybody gnaws by gray hands guts we'll mix
We'll track your spoor, the dead dine rich
How futile chainsaws
Everybody gnaws

Everybody gnaws despite how severe we're beaten
Or our eyes glued shut where the blood has dried
Everybody got their ripped-flesh eaten
By their father or their dog just died
Everybody hooks their claws in your neck like sprockets
Present a family's thyroids like a box of chocolates
Collapse of martial laws
Everybody gnaws

#45 ::: The Modesto Kid ::: (view all by) ::: January 13, 2011, 10:51 AM:

#43 is fantastic.

For Emily, Wherever I may find her grave:

What a dream I had
Steeped in rotting flesh
Clothed in tattered rags
Of camoflage and mesh
Softer than the BRAINS...

I wandered empty streets down
Past the shop displays;
My clumsy shuffling gait
Scared everyone away.
As I walked on...

And when you ran from me
I followed mindlessly
I hacked into your skull
And feasted on your brains.
I gnawed your hand...

#46 ::: Steve C. ::: (view all by) ::: January 13, 2011, 10:54 AM:

Bouncing off the Modesto Kid's excellent S & G riff ...

Slow down, you move to fast
You've got to make the moaning last
Just shambling down the cobblestones
Looking for brains and feeling ZOMBIE...

#47 ::: Paul A. ::: (view all by) ::: January 13, 2011, 10:55 AM:

Somewhere at the back of my head a voice is singing:

"You can be, you can be, yes you can be my zombie bait!"

- but fortunately I have no idea how the rest of the song goes.

#48 ::: Madeleine Robins ::: (view all by) ::: January 13, 2011, 11:02 AM:

#43 is utterly made of folkie win.

#49 ::: Dave Bell ::: (view all by) ::: January 13, 2011, 11:35 AM:

When the dead want your brains, they're not vegans--no grains!
Try cremation!

#50 ::: OtterB ::: (view all by) ::: January 13, 2011, 11:43 AM:

I think my favorite so far is HelenS @27

I have a real approach-avoidance conflict with this thread. I don't like zombies. I love the wit of the Fluorosphere as it gets displayed in these things.

#51 ::: wrw ::: (view all by) ::: January 13, 2011, 11:58 AM:

Well, no one told me about her
And how she fed
Nobody told me about her
That she's undead


But it's too late to say you're sorry
Now that I've turned, I feel no pain
Please don't bother trying to find her
She eats braaaaaaains

#52 ::: The Modesto Kid ::: (view all by) ::: January 13, 2011, 12:12 PM:

A drowned corpse reawakes stumbling out of the lake
That's a zombie;
It looms out of the rain now it's eating your brain
That's a zombie...

(sorry)

#53 ::: Jon Meltzer ::: (view all by) ::: January 13, 2011, 12:28 PM:

@51: It's the time of the season for eating.

#54 ::: Jon Meltzer ::: (view all by) ::: January 13, 2011, 12:57 PM:

Yesterday
All the zombies were so far away
Now it looks like they're here to stay
Oh I wish it were yesterday

Suddenly
I'm not half the man I used to be
There's a limb just hanging off of me
Oh zombie day came suddenly

Why they
had to chew
wish I knew
they couldn't say

I saw
something munch
now we're lunch
not yesterday

Yesterday
Zombie was a game we'd play
Now I need a place to hide away
Oh I lost brains on yesterday

yum yum yum yum
yum yum yum

#55 ::: Carol Kimball ::: (view all by) ::: January 13, 2011, 01:17 PM:

Hello, darkness, my old friend
I've come to lurk in you again
Because a zombie softly creeping
Chewed my face while I was sleeping

And the virus that she slobbered in my brains
Still remains

I cannot tell what draws me onward

Through narrow streets I tripped alone
Brains? I'd settle on a bone
To search in vain for others of my kind
They're out of sight, they're out of mind

When my eye was stabbed by a nutball with a pick
..didn't stick

Her screams of terror draw me onward

And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand zombies, maybe more
Zombies shambling without speaking
Guts hanging out without freaking
Zombies grunting songs that humans never shared
No one dared

The screams of terror draw us onward

Ghouls! said I, now we well know
Zombies like a cancer grow
Band together, overwhelm the truck
They've got gas? Oh no, we're out of luck

Why, I'm on fire! Fire! Uuhhh! ...I fell
And now nothing draws me onward

..started strong, weak finish. Just like them?

#56 ::: Ericka ::: (view all by) ::: January 13, 2011, 01:24 PM:

How about Jimmy Buffet - anyone?

"Brains to the left,
Brains to the right,
And she's the only ghoul in town."

Or

"Brainburger in Paradise"

#57 ::: The Modesto Kid ::: (view all by) ::: January 13, 2011, 02:02 PM:

A Simon and Garfunkel lyric that works pretty well unchanged:

Up a narrow flight of stairs in a narrow little room
As I lie upon my bed in the early evening gloom
Impaled on my wall my eyes can dimly see
The pattern of my life on the puzzle that is me

#59 ::: Mike Leung ::: (view all by) ::: January 13, 2011, 02:24 PM:

I'm a-walk in search of brain
Tearin', clawin', and I feel no pain
Wishin' you were here by me
To end you gingerly
And I wander
I wah-wah-wah-wah-wander
Die
Die, die, die, die, die -- she ran away
Yes, and I wonder
A-where she will stay-ay
She cannot runaway
How long can she runaway

#60 ::: Sarah S. ::: (view all by) ::: January 13, 2011, 02:37 PM:

I'm a hungry zombie
Feed me like I like to be fed.
Yeah, I'm a hungry zombie.
Feed me like I like to be fed.
Yeah, I can eat your body,
But I'd really like to eat your head.

#61 ::: The Modesto Kid ::: (view all by) ::: January 13, 2011, 03:14 PM:

Please allow me to introduce myself,
I'm a zombie of filth and waste.
Been around for a long long time,
ate many a man's brains and face.
I was round when the villagers
tried to stop our approach with fire;
made damn sure the alder-man
suffocated in the mire.
Pleased to meet you,
hope you guessed my name.

#62 ::: Singing Wren ::: (view all by) ::: January 13, 2011, 05:24 PM:

Zombie went A'Soulin...

Hey, ho, nobody home,
Thought nor wit nor logic have I none
Still, I will eat brai-ai-ai-ains.

Rose, Rose, Rose Red
Shall I ever see thee dead?
I will then dine on thy brains, sire,
Eat thy brains.

Ah, my love,
I'll eat thee
Then quickly run and flee
For I'll dine on thee

I am a little zombie
My shoes are worn and thin
I have a little pocket
To put a brainstem in
If you haven't got a brainstem
The cerebrum will do
If you haven't got a cerebrum
God Damn You!

† That is, all the songs parodied work when sung against the A'Soulin guitar part. All learned from other people, rather than recordings.††

†† Although Dad (or the person who taught him) may have learned the guitar part from a recording.

#63 ::: The Modesto Kid ::: (view all by) ::: January 13, 2011, 07:10 PM:

My grandpa Henry (thankfully he has been cremated to guard against the possibility of enzombification) used to sing the "Hey, ho, nobody home" song when we went back-packing. Also "Valderie,"

I love to go a-shambling, along, the graveyard track;
And as I go I love to moan, my guts all out my back:
Valder-shriek, Valder-scream;
Valder-scream, Val deraiiiiiieeeeeeeeee...
Valderie, Valderah, my guts all out my back.

#64 ::: Bruce Cohen (Speaker to Managers) ::: (view all by) ::: January 13, 2011, 07:21 PM:

Hush little zombie, don't you moan,
Pappa's gonna let you chew a bone.
And if that bone don't have no meat,
Pappa's gonna give you a bloody treat.
And if that treat don't scream real loud,
Pappa's gonna give you a filled grave shroud.
And if in that shroud you can't find a gland,
You'll still be a zombie with a bloody hand.

#65 ::: Mike Leung ::: (view all by) ::: January 13, 2011, 08:26 PM:

Oh well, I'm the type of guy who will never stay underground
Where pretty girls are screaming, you know there I'll be found
I kill 'em and devour 'em 'cause to me they're all the same
I hold 'em and I squeeze their crowns and gobble up their brain

Death made me hungrier
Only hungrier
I groan around, around, around, around, around

Well, of Flo there's nothing left and of Mary nothing right
And Janie is the girl whom I'll consume tonight
And if she asks me if it's her I loved the best?
I'll tear off her shoulder and spill her contents down my chest

Death made me hungrier
Only hungrier
I groan around, around, around, around, around

Oh well, I roam from town to town
I eat through life without a care
Your blood dried turns to brown
It's a good source of iron and until I eat I'm going nowhere

I'm the type of guy that likes to groan around
I'm never found in one place, parts of me all over town
And when I find myself pulling apart some girl
I pull her into that van of mine and leave her pieces around the world

Death made me hungrier
Only hungrier
I groan around, around, around, around, around

#66 ::: Jon ::: (view all by) ::: January 13, 2011, 10:52 PM:

Too fun. Mind if I take part?


Got a little brain in my pocket going squishy-squishy-squish
Gonna suck out your intestines now, my fav'rite dish
but you're back from the dead, such a very cold fish
so it's no yummie no nummie 'til the resurrection wish

my sweetie my tasty don't be such Evil Dead
you say more grr and more arr but keep your teeth in your head

Oh baby baby baby, why you gonna leave me this way
I'm still a hungry man, I just can't eat the undaid.
that's when she groaned out a story 'bout no end to strife
so it's no yummy no nummy 'less you come back to life

my sweetie my tasty don't be such Evil Dead
you say more grr and more arr but keep your teeth in your head

well, i was feelin' so starved, I was about to tuck ain
that's when she started moanin' bout flesh, started groanin' bout brain
I said honey I don't want to but there's nothing to eat
She said I was just playin, and now you're dead meat

my sweetie my tasty, we used to be wed
But it's gut shot then head shot and now I'm just dead

#67 ::: Tatterbots ::: (view all by) ::: January 14, 2011, 08:39 AM:

Modesto Kid, Madeleine Robins, thank you!

"Impaled on my wall my eyes ..." Oh yes!

#68 ::: The Modesto Kid ::: (view all by) ::: January 14, 2011, 11:19 AM:

Huh, turns out the song I have always called "Valderie" is actually called "The Happy Wanderer."

#69 ::: ddb ::: (view all by) ::: January 14, 2011, 11:47 AM:

The Modesto Kid@68: Yes; but we knew what you meant.

Nice! In some ways more cheerful than the usual run of poetry here, I think (but only because we don't take zombies seriously).

#70 ::: abi ::: (view all by) ::: January 14, 2011, 07:12 PM:

A bit late to the party, but:

While running through the park one night
In the early days of zombie blight
I was taken by surprise
By a pair of bloodshot eyes
And I knew that I would have to win this fight.

A moan was all I heard at last
[shambling sounds]
Before I turned into undead repast.
[shambling sounds]

I immediately turned to flee
But the zombies had surrounded me
And soon I will forget
How much I now regret
The dawn I would not live to see.

I was shambling through the park one night
Infected with the zombie blight
I was searching for remains
Not yet deprived of brains
In the early days of zombie blight.

#71 ::: Bruce Cohen (Speaker to Managers) ::: (view all by) ::: January 14, 2011, 07:13 PM:

The Modesto Kid @ 68:

Ah, yes, the song that has earwormed me so that every time I see the RSS feed for P. Z. Myers' blog I start singing "Pharyngulee, Pharyngula".

#72 ::: P J Evans ::: (view all by) ::: January 14, 2011, 09:09 PM:

71
Having been earwormed by both, at one or another time, that's a different song.
Italian zombies, anyone?

#73 ::: Paul A. ::: (view all by) ::: January 15, 2011, 10:35 AM:

A Simon and Garfunkel lyric that works pretty well unchanged

Another one that doesn't take as much changing as I expected (though enough that I don't feel like trying it myself), is the one that begins "'The problem is all inside your head', she said to me"...

#74 ::: Gerald Fnord ::: (view all by) ::: January 15, 2011, 10:37 AM:

Arise ye prisoners of damnation
Arise, ye wretched in the Earth
Hell has no room for p'rambulation
So the dead must walk the Earth

There can be no rational explanation
For our shambling, glorious, stroll
With guts, eyes, brains, determination,
And more guts, we'll eat the whole

So come corpses all a-walking
Every class and every place
The International Zombie Horde
Devours the human race
(2x)


(Note: Billy Bragg's version scans better, and sounds like something a [former] human being might _say_, but lacks the Romeroist clarity of the older version we so need to destroy the O'Bannonist scum.)

#75 ::: Gerald Fnord ::: (view all by) ::: January 15, 2011, 10:49 AM:

Zombies want me for a snack-tray
To eat on me all day
They try to munch my innards
At home, at school, or play

A snack-tray, a snack-tray
Zombies want me for a buffet
A snack-tray, a snack-tray
For smörgåsbording on me

#76 ::: The Modesto Kid ::: (view all by) ::: January 15, 2011, 05:46 PM:

(posted in the hopeful anticipation that nobody is really following this thread anymore)

Well the weather outside is radiant
a-and the zombies all do bathe in it*
And since we've nowhere to go
Let it glow let it glow let it glow

and on for several verses in that manner. Does "Let it snow" have some kind of break or chorus?

When we finally found our graves
Clambered haltingly into the earh
Feeble moonlight's cursèd slaves
All the way under the sod and the turf*

Well now the clock has been unwindin'
and the sunshine truly blinding [or, And all your naked sores need bindin']
Your lover he was first to go
Let it glow! let it glow! let it glow!...
*I want (perhaps naïvely) some kind of award for this rhyme

#77 ::: abi ::: (view all by) ::: January 15, 2011, 06:35 PM:

If I lived anywhere near Modesto, kid, I'd buy you a drink for that rhyme. It's better than the time I put Wikipedia with seedier.

#78 ::: The Modesto Kid ::: (view all by) ::: January 15, 2011, 06:39 PM:

Thanks! (Am not presently in Modesto, but I spent some time being a kid there.)

#79 ::: Gerald Fnord ::: (view all by) ::: January 15, 2011, 08:46 PM:

She'd love you
Yeah, yeah, yeah....

I know you lost your love
Were so sad she'd gone away
She's all you're thinking of
But I ran from her today
She moaned she'll love
(And not the way she used to do)
Tried to eat me
But dead-set on eating you

She'd love you
Yeah, yeah, yeah
She'd love you,
Yeah, yeah, yeah
With a love like that...
[SEGUE]
You better run for your life if you can, little boy.

#80 ::: The Modesto Kid ::: (view all by) ::: January 16, 2011, 05:46 PM:

Sorry -- I seem to have caught some kind of mania with the zombie songs. I'll lay off soon, I promise... B-but picture the banjo player in this video being a little more palsied, a little more undead (and how far of a leap is it really from banjoist to zombie?):

Zombie Bill, Zombie Bill
No-one's sure just when he died but, he's walking still
and it's aaaaaaaauugghhhhhhh, Zombie Bill

Well Zombie Bill ate my lover's brain
Got her blood all over him -- now that'll leave a stain
And it's aaaaauuuuuughhhhhh, Zombie Bill

etc.

#81 ::: RobW ::: (view all by) ::: January 25, 2011, 05:20 PM:

"Horrific" by Zombie Alanis Morissette.

An old man turned ninety-eight.
He died in his sleep then got up from his grave.
A swarm of black flies buzzed in his wake
He's a walking death sentence for anyone in his way.

It's like BRAAAAAIIINNNSSS! Gotta eat every day!
It's the screams of the living, who cares what they say?
They're holed up in the mall, that's where we'll find prey!
And fall as they squeeze their triggers...

The gangster kid didn't think he would die
He kept secret for too long the truth of his bite.
He wanted to lengthen his short and damned life
But as he started to turn, he thought, "Well, your flesh tastes nice."

And isn't it horrific? Can they think?

It's like BRAAAAAIIINNNSSS! Gotta eat every day!
It's the screams of the living, who cares what they say?
They're holed up in the mall, that's where we'll find prey!
And fall as they squeeze their triggers...

Well, they have a scary way
Of sneaking up on you when you think that everything's going fine and here in the mall we'll be safe.
And we have a funny way
Of shooting the heads of the ones who look like movie stars if they still have an intact face.

An unlocked door or an unchained gate
Will be your doom when we mete out your fate.
It's like ten thousand zombies, you can't fight with a knife.
It's thinking you've made it to safety
And another horde shambles; it's the end of your life.

It's like BRAAAAAIIINNNSSS! Gotta eat every day!
It's the screams of the living, who cares what they say?
They're holed up in the mall, that's where we'll find prey!
And fall as they pull their triggers...

They have a scary way of sneaking up on you.
And we have a funny, funny way of gunning them down.
Gunning them down.

#82 ::: thomas ::: (view all by) ::: January 25, 2011, 06:02 PM:

The zombies' flag is torn and gray
It shrouds us since our dying day
And as ours limbs grew damp with mould
Our fluids died its every fold.

Raise the tattered gravecloth high
Beneath its folds we'll die, undie
Though werewolves growl and vampires sneer
We'll keep the gray flag flying here.

It well recalls the triumphs past
It gives the hope of BRAINS at last
The banner dull, the symbol plain
of rotting flesh and human BRAINS.

Raise the tattered gravecloth high etc

The Mummy 'neath the Egyptian sands,
His remake in the Orient lands,
Vast Brookwood's Eater-raised remains
United call we now for BRAINS.

Raise the tattered gravecloth high etc

With bones uncovered swear we all
To shamble onward till we fall
Come banquets vast or pickings slim
"More BRAINS" shall be our parting hymn

Raise the tattered gravecloth high etc

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