October 31, 2010
Posted by Jim Macdonald at 05:40 AM *
- Q. Who writes letters to Dracula?
- A. His fang club.
- Q. Why does Dracula wear patent leather shoes?
- A. No one wears sandals with a tuxedo.
- Q. Where does Dracula go every time he visits New York?
- A. The Vampire State Building.
- Q. Why doesn’t anybody like Dracula?
- A. He has a bat temper.
- Q. What does Dracula think about these jokes?
- A. They bite.
Q. Why doesn't Dracula play poker?
A. He doesn't like the stakes.
Q. What's Dracula's theme song?
A. "Fangs For the Memories"
Q. What's Dracula's favorite book?
A. "White Fang"
Q: Why does Dracula spend his winters in Georgia?
A: It's the Vampire State of the South?
Q: In which Atlanta suburb do you find the most vampires?
A: Dacula.
I thought Dracula's favorite book was Billy Blood.
Q. Why does Dracula dislike London?
A. Because the sun never sets on the British vampire.
Q. When Dracula does visit London, what does he eat?
A. Fangers and Mash.
#5 -- No, he can't identify with the protag.
That's the first Halloween thing in simply ages which I've found amusing.
Q: What kind of ship does Dracula own?
A: A blood vessel!
Q: What's Dracula's favorite sport?
A: Bat mitton!
What drink did dracula tell his fang club to drink?
Dracul Aid
Why are dracula's medicines so effective?
They've been vampirically proven.
And for this I delurk? Sorry about that, guys. I blame the party I was just at. But really the important thing is that I'm blaming something.
Q: What does Dracula do when he forgets his lines?
A: He vamps.
Q: How could you tell the vampire had a cold?
A: He had a bad coffin.
Q: Why isn't Dracula a betting man?
A: The stakes are against him.
Q: Why does Dracula sleep during the day?
A: Because he's been up all night. (Duh!)
Q: Why does Dracula have to tell his fang club what to drink?
A: Because some of them prefer Ghoul Aid.
Q: What do the readers of Making Light prefer to drink?
A: If they have persevered through my jokes, Lemon Aid.
Last one, honest:
Q: What's Dracula's favorite fruit?
A: Necktarines.
14
Gallery of carved pumpkins, by the guy who did 'Zipperface' - safe for work, I think, but some of them are a bit disturbing.
Where does Dracula water-ski?
Lake Erie.
What breed is Dracula's dog?
Bloodhound.
What is Dracula's complaint at the con gripe session?
No new blood!
Q. Why does Dracula sleep in a coffin?
A. Low overhead.
Who did Dracula vote for in the 2008 primaries?
Ghouliani.
What job does Dracula's son have at the baseball game?
Bat boy. But only at the night games.
What does Dracula do at the baseball game?
He's the vumpire!
Why does Dracula's daughter have a big party when she turns 12?
It's her Bat Mitzvah.
What's Dracula's favorite dance?
The Transylvania Polka.
What do you call a transvestite vampire?
Dragula
Why did the American tourist in Transylvania bleed to death?
He dialed 911 instead of 6-5000.
What kind of marks do vampires with three fangs leave?
Trilobites.
What's a vampire's primitive pick-up line?
Wanna neck?
Jim @ #3:
Not "Fang you for the music"?
What does a vampire bite you with?
Fangs.
You're welcome.*
*Hey, this was hysterically funny when I was six...
What kind of magician is Dracula?
A neckromancer.
It doesn't bite, but it sucks.
Q. Who does Dracula support for 2012?
A. ImPalin.
A:What's Dracula's favourite car?
A: The Chevy Impale-a
Q. Who is Dracula's favorite superhero?
A. Batman.
Q: Why won't Dracula become a Mormon?
A: He won't go to the Stake House.
What's the name of Dracula's relative who's choosy about blood types?
Particula.
Meanwhile my dogs kiss me all over when I come home.
A real dog trainer would know that "macho dogs" are not the danger; it's macho humans who don't socialize dogs correctly that cause the problem.
Bad spammer, bad!
That kind of dog is, in fact, socialized correctly for the evil purposes for which they are intended.
The dog seen HERE is ready to deal with those who have evil purposes.