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November 7, 2006

If all Fox News employees are Cretans…
Posted by Teresa at 10:01 PM * 46 comments

Another very hopeful sign—and today’s winner for Most Shamelessly Partisan Spin Masquerading as Journalism—is this current Fox News headline:

No Matter the Results, the Election Will Change Little

Whether the Democrats take control of one or both chambers of Congress this November, or even if they don’t, little will happen in Washington, D.C. to solve most of the nation’s critical domestic problems. …

If Faux News is saying it doesn’t matter if the Democrats take control of one or both houses of Congress, then, by damn! There must be a good chance that the Democrats are going to do it.

Way to go!

Addendum: Kip Manley notes that TalkLeft is also collecting exceptionally stupid bits of spin. Connoisseurs may want to take a look.

Comments on If all Fox News employees are Cretans...:
#1 ::: Shannon Chamberlain ::: (view all by) ::: November 07, 2006, 10:28 PM:

Ha! Really?! And that's not just some clever person's parody of what Fox might say upon realizing that its party of choice just lost the country?

Because it sure reads like one.

#2 ::: PiscusFiche ::: (view all by) ::: November 07, 2006, 10:35 PM:

My brain immediately translates that to: If all Fox employees are cretins. I can't help it.

#3 ::: amysue ::: (view all by) ::: November 07, 2006, 10:39 PM:

Oh and Rick Santorum is gone. Be still my heart. It's been a great day all around so far and I am hoping for more great news as the evening wears on.

Then it's time to get to work.

#4 ::: Teresa Nielsen Hayden ::: (view all by) ::: November 07, 2006, 10:47 PM:

Shannon: Really truly and no kidding. I've tagged the link as rel="nofollow", but you can still click through and see for yourself.

PiscusFiche: Honest, the possibility of that reading never once crossed my mind when I was writing that headline.

AmySue: Down Santorum, down Katherine Harris.

Alas, Lamont looks unhopeful; but on the other hand, Leiberman looks scared, which is a very considerable improvement on his previous state.

#5 ::: Serge ::: (view all by) ::: November 07, 2006, 10:49 PM:

Cretans? Does that mean the Fox anchorettes will be seen wearing traditional Cretan garb? They'd better watch out for Bill O'Really and his falafel.

#6 ::: Kip Manley ::: (view all by) ::: November 07, 2006, 10:51 PM:

I see via TalkLeft that the Democrats are only winning in blue states.

Apparently, Ohio, Kentucky, Indiana and Florida were blue all along.

#7 ::: Xopher ::: (view all by) ::: November 07, 2006, 11:02 PM:

Let's stop capitalizing santorum. It's a common noun now. Frothy mix.

And Faux News has become a parody of itself.

#8 ::: Paula Helm Murray ::: (view all by) ::: November 07, 2006, 11:15 PM:

the pessimist side of me says the Deciderer deciderers that he isn't obligated to take any advice of either house of congress. He's already done that with the Supremes. He thinks he's the King.

We may but it may be a victory that needs to be fought further.

#9 ::: Margaret Organ-Kean ::: (view all by) ::: November 07, 2006, 11:19 PM:

Small whoot - CNN just predicted the Dems will take the house.

#10 ::: Greg London ::: (view all by) ::: November 07, 2006, 11:34 PM:

my parsing of the headline was:

"What do you mean, 'if'?"

#11 ::: Janni ::: (view all by) ::: November 07, 2006, 11:35 PM:

Well, we may not be any help in the Senate, but here in Arizona we're doing our part for the House races. :-)

#12 ::: mythago ::: (view all by) ::: November 07, 2006, 11:43 PM:

Somehow, I picture the collective Fox News as saying this in a determined tone of voice with lower lip trembling.

#13 ::: Teresa Nielsen Hayden ::: (view all by) ::: November 07, 2006, 11:51 PM:

Janni, the news from Arizona has been very cheering.

#15 ::: Alan Hamilton ::: (view all by) ::: November 08, 2006, 12:12 AM:

Thank God we ditched Arizona's own Biff, JD Hayworth.

Unfortunately, Kyle will stay in, and the various immigrant-bashing propositions seem to be passing. However, the gay-bashing proposition seems to be losing.

#16 ::: Nancy C ::: (view all by) ::: November 08, 2006, 12:42 AM:

Yeah, I noticed how blue Pennsylvania was, but only after Casey won...

#18 ::: Stephan Brun ::: (view all by) ::: November 08, 2006, 03:46 AM:

Serge and Piscusfiche: I suspect the word "Cretans" is a reference to Epimenides, who famously is supposed to have said that all Cretans are liars.

#19 ::: Teresa Nielsen Hayden ::: (view all by) ::: November 08, 2006, 07:21 AM:

It is indeed a reference to the Epimenides paradox.

#20 ::: Fragano Ledgisgter ::: (view all by) ::: November 08, 2006, 07:30 AM:

on this cool morning things are looking bright
the rain has washed the dust from out the air
a fresh wind has come through the night
the forecast for the next short time is fair
the drumbeat's changed we're picking up our feet
somewhere to go and many things to do
at times hope and achievement seem to meet
few clouds are scudding across the open blue
it isn't just that morning's joyous sun
has warmed our bones and sent us to our task
we know the cycles know just how they run
know how to go and know the things to ask
other effects we guess that time will show
right now we pause cheered by the warm glow

#21 ::: Steve Buchheit ::: (view all by) ::: November 08, 2006, 08:24 AM:

I don't know why every would think that Fox News would be depressed because of the Dems coming back into control of the House (still hopeful for the Senate). This would be great. They really could blame the Dems for the Republican failure to get their agenda through, the explosive growth in spending, etc instead of their hollow charges. And now that their party is down, their ad revenue should go up as their supporters believe there is now only one place to spend that money and they're "fightin' mad." So, yeah, the talking blow hards had the wind taken out of their sails, but the ad guys must be making Scrooge McDuck eyes ($) and rubbing their little wings together in the back offices.

#22 ::: Catja (green_knight) ::: (view all by) ::: November 08, 2006, 08:36 AM:

If it does not matter who controls the chambers of Congress, then it matters only what the President decides. If one man can decide the fate of a nation then voting in the US has indeed the same status as voting in the USSR or Iraq did (alternatively insert dictatorship of choice)...

#23 ::: Catja (green_knight) ::: (view all by) ::: November 08, 2006, 08:39 AM:

P.S.: Fox News Channel is right at the top of your Google adverts...

(I heard that you can block ads from certain unwelcome advertisers. True? False? Worth investigating anyway.)

#24 ::: Kip W ::: (view all by) ::: November 08, 2006, 08:56 AM:

Look closely at those races where hardcore pinhead gops are being chased out of office. Viewed another way, these are announcements of a different sort.

Instead of seeing "Snavely Pagebanger has lost his bid for re-election," I look at that and see, "Snavely Pagebanger will be Bush's next recess appointment for Circuit Court Judge," "Snavely Pagebanger will soon be appointed Ambassador to the Court of Saint James," or "Snavely Pagebanger will now commence a long career as a K Street lobbyist." These guys don't go away, they just put on a different necktie and keep showing up.

#25 ::: Serge ::: (view all by) ::: November 08, 2006, 09:01 AM:

The Epimenides paradox? That's what the reference was about? Darn. I had been looking forward to the new mandatory fashion at Fox and Bill O'Really keeping his hands off the ladies thus garbed. Instead, I get a reference to Harcourt Fenton Mudd. Come to think of it, I prefer Harcourt to Bill.

#26 ::: Nancy C ::: (view all by) ::: November 08, 2006, 10:09 AM:

It's all Greek to me.....

(Well, someone had to stoop so low...)

#27 ::: Serge ::: (view all by) ::: November 08, 2006, 10:21 AM:

...and it had to be you, eh, Nancy C? Heck, I wish I had thought of it first.

#28 ::: Nancy C ::: (view all by) ::: November 08, 2006, 11:00 AM:


I grew up in a family that believes there's no such thing as a bad pun.

#29 ::: Serge ::: (view all by) ::: November 08, 2006, 11:06 AM:

Ever watched Andromeda, Nancy C? Remember what Seamus Zelazny Harper, the ship's resident genius, said on that subject?

"Puns are the lowest form of humor - unless you think of it first."

#30 ::: Xopher ::: (view all by) ::: November 08, 2006, 12:12 PM:

These guys don't go away, they just put on a different necktie and keep showing up.

I know what kind of necktie I want them to wear. We'll even have a party to put it on them.

Oops, was that out loud?

#31 ::: Howard Peirce ::: (view all by) ::: November 08, 2006, 12:38 PM:

According to Fox, those grapes were probably sour anyway.

#32 ::: Clifton Royston ::: (view all by) ::: November 08, 2006, 12:53 PM:

Touché, Howard! (And I'm thinking of the Thurber cartoon.)

#33 ::: Dave Bell ::: (view all by) ::: November 08, 2006, 01:08 PM:

Does this mean that the Democratic Party, because of their control of the House, can block any nomination to office the President makes? Does that mean that Bush won't dare try to replaces Rumsfeld?

#34 ::: Randy Paul ::: (view all by) ::: November 08, 2006, 01:47 PM:

If all Fox News employees are Cretans

Then they would live in Astoria and eat souvlaki at Uncle George's.

It's cretins.

#35 ::: Steve Buchheit ::: (view all by) ::: November 08, 2006, 02:04 PM:

Dave Bell, confirmation (or not) is the Senate's job.

#36 ::: Xopher ::: (view all by) ::: November 08, 2006, 02:06 PM:

Also, even if the Dems take the Senate, they don't actually take control until January. That means the rubberstamps will still be flying if Rumsfeld's actual departure is soon.

#37 ::: Lori Coulson ::: (view all by) ::: November 08, 2006, 02:06 PM:

Dave Bell, re #33 -- the reason Rumsfeld is stepping down NOW is so that Bush can put Gates' nomination for SecDef in front of the lame duck session of Congress.

If they had waited until the newly elected Congress begins, the odds are very good that the nomination would not have gone through...

My memory is hazy on this -- was Gates in charge of CIA during the run up to the Iraq debacle? Was he in any way involved with the Valerie Plame situation?

#38 ::: Zeynep ::: (view all by) ::: November 08, 2006, 02:31 PM:

Randy Paul at #34: See Teresa at #19.

#39 ::: fidelio ::: (view all by) ::: November 08, 2006, 02:31 PM:

Lori, this Mr. Gates had ties to Iran-Contra. He was also pretty much a career intel wonk, serving either in the CIA or NSC until he left to become president of Texas A&M.
The elder Bush had him as director of the CIA. He turned the younger Bush once already, passing on the intelligence czar job that Negroponte ended up with--he said he preferred to stay at A&M, as he saw more of a future for himself there. I have no idea whether that bit was to encourage the students, faculty, and alumni, or if he was saying you couldn't get him into the mess that is this administration with anything less than a cattle prod. I wonder how much begging was involved in getting him to say yes.

#40 ::: Lori Coulson ::: (view all by) ::: November 08, 2006, 03:05 PM:

fidelio: VERY interesting. Iran-Contra, huh?

And Gates has passed on working for Junior once before??? Who or what has motivated him to take this job now?

Is a puzzlement.

#41 ::: Nancy C ::: (view all by) ::: November 08, 2006, 03:08 PM:

Gates was described in a NYT online article/ap feed/something else I don't know what to call it as (if I remember correctly), "current president of Texas A&M University, and a close personal friend of the Bush family." Which made me laugh out loud, because who do that sack of protoplasm nominate who isn't a close personal friend?

#42 ::: fidelio ::: (view all by) ::: November 08, 2006, 04:31 PM:

Lori, it may have been the old man went on bended knee and begged really hard, while Baker, Scowcroft, et al. stood around, wringing their hands and looking very sad. It's possible that Mama cried, although since I'm not sure I believe she can do any such thing, it seems less likely.

#43 ::: abi ::: (view all by) ::: November 09, 2006, 04:06 AM:

quoth fidelio @39

He turned the younger Bush once already...

I know you meant "turned down." I know IANMF,NWMTB. But...

The lights in the bar were so low that the man coming in could barely see the smoke. He blundered from table to table, looking for the tokens the listed in the note. Red carnation. White napkin. Blue coaster. You should be able to remember that, shouldn't you?

One table had a white carnation on a blue napkin; he almost stopped, but the red was missing. Another hand red, white, and blue, but the flower there was a rose, and he passed on. Finally he found them, piled neatly, one atop the other. He sat down at the table, then looked up at the other occupant.

"You! But you work for..."
"Hush! No names."
"I was just going to say 'my dad'."
"I said..."
"'Dad' isn't a name. It's a kinship term."
"I can see we're not going to get anywhere till you get this out of your system. Say it then, but say it quietly."
"But you work for my dad!"
"Indeed I do. One day," the man gave a slight shudder, "I might even work for you. But not now, not as things stand."
"Why did you want to meet me here?"
"Well, son, I see a great future for you. A great future."
"Thank you, sir. What kind of a great future?"
"Power. Money. The greatest kind of future going." He paused. "If you're willing to make the sacrifices to earn it."
"Make sacrifices? Like, sending other people's children to war? Or spending taxpayer money?"
"No. That will come later. Much more personal sacrifices. You're going to have to change some of your deepest loyalties."
"L-loyalties? Not Skull and Bones!"
"No, not that."
"The Republican party?"
"No, not in form, though you may have to betray most of what the party truly stands for."
"I can live with that."
"I know."
"But what, then? What loyalty do I have to sacrifice?"
The man's face stayed still as the grave, but his fingers twitched slightly, avariciously, like a miser seeing gold. "New England."
"I have to stop being a New Englander?"
"Where do I have to be from?"
"I hate it when people end sentences with prepositions. But it will serve to make you more folksy, so I will let it pass. You must become..."
"Yes?" The visitor leaned forward slightly.
He pronounced the word lovingly, even reverently. "Texan." He picked up his carnation, twirling it in his fingers, watching it with hooded eyes. He wished it had been a yellow rose, but he dared not be so overt.
After a pause, he got his answer. "Yes. I'll do it."
"Good," said the man with the flower, drawing out the word. "Now go. This meeting never happened."

The visitor blundered out, disrupting two parties of spies and one trysting couple as he left. The other man sat a moment longer, dreaming of the oil wells of home, then followed into the Washington daylight.

#44 ::: pericat ::: (view all by) ::: November 09, 2006, 07:35 AM:

This from the article:
"That doesn't mean the next two years will be dull in D.C.

"Actually, the discussions will probably be more substantive than the last two years"

Gee, Fox, ya think?

(Yeah, I know: when they pry the yellow paper from your cold, dead presses... Never mind, we'll have the substantive discussions without you.)

#45 ::: Mark DF ::: (view all by) ::: November 09, 2006, 01:45 PM:

I know Fox News's "impartiality" gets pointed out here often, but did anyone happen to watch ABC News the day after the election? Charlie Gibson intro'd the Dem wins and then called Bush "contrite" as he announced Rummy's resignation. Cut to the "thumpin'" speech, and my jaw dropped. Angry, annoyed and arrogant is how I would characterize that announcement. He looked like a twelve-year-old told to go to his room that can't resist saying he'll go but he's still right. Contrite? Not hardly.

#46 ::: JESR ::: (view all by) ::: November 09, 2006, 05:14 PM:

Mark DF, the word that came to my mind was "whiny."

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