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December 11, 2006

Regarding ads
Posted by Patrick at 08:31 PM * 460 comments

This seems like a good moment to remind everyone that we don’t endorse every viewpoint presented or advocated by our advertisers, nor do we feel obliged to regularly note which ones we do or don’t agree with.

In fact, our default assumption is that our readers can make up their own minds. By and large, we approve most ads, unless they’re either irredeemably ugly or morally objectionable beyond the compass of reasonable disagreement. The decisions of the judges are final. Contents may have settled in shipping. Close cover before striking. Reg. Penna. Dept. Agric.

Comments on Regarding ads:
#1 ::: TexAnne ::: (view all by) ::: December 11, 2006, 08:52 PM:

Contents measured by weight, not volume.

#2 ::: Fragano Ledgister ::: (view all by) ::: December 11, 2006, 09:03 PM:

Your mileage may vary.

#3 ::: Aconite ::: (view all by) ::: December 11, 2006, 09:18 PM:

Do not open: contents not servicable by end user.

#4 ::: arto ::: (view all by) ::: December 11, 2006, 09:36 PM:

Do not climb on, play in or occupy this container for any purpose.

(there's a sticker to that effect on the dumpster at my work; I often wonder if we'd be better off if someone'd stuck one on Iraq.)

#5 ::: Lizzy L ::: (view all by) ::: December 11, 2006, 09:48 PM:

Open other side.

Do not return this product to the place of purchase.

#6 ::: Larry Brennan ::: (view all by) ::: December 11, 2006, 09:52 PM:

No animals were hurt in the making of this blog.

Serving suggestion.

Do not immerse.

#7 ::: Jen Roth ::: (view all by) ::: December 11, 2006, 09:56 PM:

Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball.

#8 ::: TexAnne ::: (view all by) ::: December 11, 2006, 09:56 PM:

This is not a toy.

#9 ::: xeger ::: (view all by) ::: December 11, 2006, 10:03 PM:

Batteries not included.

#10 ::: Steve Buchheit ::: (view all by) ::: December 11, 2006, 10:10 PM:

Do not use near open flame.

(dagburnit, Jen Roth beat me to the happy funball.)

#11 ::: Adam Lipkin ::: (view all by) ::: December 11, 2006, 10:13 PM:

Not actual size.

(dagburnit, Steve Buchheit beat me to griping about Jen Roth being first with the happy funball.)

#12 ::: Alex Cohen ::: (view all by) ::: December 11, 2006, 10:20 PM:

Kids, ask an adult to help!

#13 ::: Dan Layman-Kennedy ::: (view all by) ::: December 11, 2006, 10:20 PM:

Machine may start without warning.

#14 ::: miriam beetle ::: (view all by) ::: December 11, 2006, 10:29 PM:

& for the drivebys:

LIGHT FUSE AND GET AWAY.

#15 ::: Tesla ::: (view all by) ::: December 11, 2006, 10:31 PM:

Contents under pressure. Do not incinerate.

#16 ::: Zack Weinberg ::: (view all by) ::: December 11, 2006, 10:32 PM:

This product is made entirely of matter. Contact with antimatter will result in a devastating explosion.

#17 ::: PixelFish ::: (view all by) ::: December 11, 2006, 10:32 PM:

Do not fold, spindle, or mutilate.

#18 ::: Sundre ::: (view all by) ::: December 11, 2006, 10:40 PM:

Item is handmade. Any variations in shade or weave are not flaws, but part of the individual nature of the item.

#19 ::: eric ::: (view all by) ::: December 11, 2006, 10:44 PM:

Do not get wet. And do not, under any circumstances, feed after midnight.

#20 ::: TexAnne ::: (view all by) ::: December 11, 2006, 10:45 PM:

Dry clean only.

#21 ::: Julie L. ::: (view all by) ::: December 11, 2006, 10:50 PM:

Do not use as a personal flotation device.

And during Prohibition: "Warning, do not add water to this product as it is likely to ferment."

#23 ::: Larry Brennan ::: (view all by) ::: December 11, 2006, 10:57 PM:

UNDER PENALTY OF LAW
This Tag Not To Be Removed Except By The Consumer

#24 ::: Sharon M ::: (view all by) ::: December 11, 2006, 11:12 PM:

Store at room temperature.

#25 ::: oliviacw ::: (view all by) ::: December 11, 2006, 11:14 PM:

100% Recycled Content. 10% Post-Consumer.

#26 ::: dan ::: (view all by) ::: December 11, 2006, 11:16 PM:

Objects in the mirror...

#27 ::: Stephen G ::: (view all by) ::: December 11, 2006, 11:18 PM:

Do not drive with car sunshade in place.

#28 ::: Larry Brennan ::: (view all by) ::: December 11, 2006, 11:20 PM:

Dessicant. Do Not Eat!

#29 ::: Sharon M ::: (view all by) ::: December 11, 2006, 11:25 PM:

If irritation occurs, contact a doctor or poison control center immediately.

#30 ::: CaoPaux ::: (view all by) ::: December 11, 2006, 11:31 PM:

May contain traces of nuts.

#31 ::: Andy ::: (view all by) ::: December 11, 2006, 11:32 PM:

If erection lasts more than four hours, see a doctor immediately.

#32 ::: Zak ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 12:02 AM:

Pregnant women or women who are thinking of becoming pregnant should not handle the broken tablets.

If ingested, aim for the head.

#33 ::: Melanie S. ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 12:21 AM:

Do not drive or operate heavy machinery.

Or, do not stop with hands or genitals.

#34 ::: Aconite ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 12:22 AM:

No part may be reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission except in the case of brief quotations embedded in criticial articles and reviews. If this is an emergency, hang up and call 911.

::waves at CaoPaux::

#35 ::: eric ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 12:37 AM:

Do not dispose of in fire.

#36 ::: Dave Luckett ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 12:42 AM:

If you can't see my mirrors, I can't see you.

#37 ::: Richard Parker ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 12:46 AM:

Improper use could result in serious bodily injury or property damage.

#38 ::: xeger ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 12:51 AM:

If you have received this posting in error, please delete it, and notify the sender immediately.

#39 ::: A.J. ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 01:02 AM:

Product is provided "as is", without warranty of any kind whether express or implied. All implied warranties, including, without limitation, implied warranties of merchantability, fitness for a particular purpose, and non-infringement, are hereby expressly disclaimed.

#40 ::: Stefan Jones ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 01:07 AM:

For external use only.

#41 ::: eric ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 01:07 AM:

External use only

#42 ::: Tim Walters ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 01:11 AM:

No user-serviceable parts inside.

#43 ::: Linkmeister ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 01:12 AM:

How's my driving?

I haven't seen dry-cleaning plastic bags in forever, but isn't there a legend on them which says something like "This bag is not a toy; keep small children away" or something like that?

#44 ::: Mary Kay ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 01:20 AM:

Actual mileage may vary.

MKK

#45 ::: Sharon M ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 01:26 AM:

Close before striking. Keep away from children.

#46 ::: Stefan Jones ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 01:27 AM:

#43: A lot of plastic bags have that warning.

#47 ::: Steven desJardins ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 01:42 AM:

All rights reserved, including that of translation into the Scandinavian.

#48 ::: Madeleine Robins ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 01:52 AM:

If you have already sent in your payment, thank you! You may disregard this notice.

#49 ::: Madeleine Robins ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 01:52 AM:

If you have already sent in your payment, thank you! You may disregard this notice.

#51 ::: Tom Scudder ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 02:07 AM:

* Never throw out the other person's head.

* Keep away from fire.

* Inspite of it is non-toxic, it cannot be eaten.

* Never pull out tounge of frog hard, as it might be separated.

* Its content has the oil, so if it touches on cloth, precious object or wall, the stains will remain if you don't care about it.

* Never put on surface of any object, shall keep in polybag.

#52 ::: Zack Weinberg ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 02:19 AM:

Suggested for Mature Readers.

#53 ::: PixelFish ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 02:23 AM:

Stunt driver used on a closed course. Do not attempt.

#54 ::: Nicole J. LeBoeuf-Little ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 02:23 AM:

Product sold by weight, not volume. Contents may have shifted during transit. Use caution when removing luggage from the overhead bins.

Do not feed after midnight.

#55 ::: Lloyd Burchill ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 02:51 AM:

This page intentionally left blank.

#56 ::: Chris Clarke ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 03:10 AM:

You may not reverse engineer, decompile, or disassemble this comment, except and only to the extent that such activity is expressly permitted by applicable law notwithstanding this limitation.

#57 ::: Rebecca ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 03:12 AM:

Manufactured in a plant that handles peanuts, tree nuts, egg products, seeds, wheat, sulfites and free thought.

#58 ::: David Goldfarb ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 03:29 AM:

Do not stand on or above this step! You could lose your balance!

(Seen on the second step of a stepladder...with only three steps! [No doubt it was policy to put that warning on the next-to-last step of all ladders, but sheesh.])

#59 ::: abi ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 04:11 AM:

Change is possible!

(Seen on "pay on foot" parking garages throughout the United Kingdom. They mean you can get change back, but I find it kind of heartening.)

#60 ::: Eve ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 04:34 AM:

Not a flying toy. (that one always makes me cry)

Avoid contact with the brain, meninges and middle ear.

#61 ::: Jules ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 05:45 AM:

WARNING: There is an extremely small but nonzero chance that, through a process known as "tunneling", this product may spontaneously disappear from its present location and reappear at any random place in the universe, including but not limited to your neighbour's domicile. The manufacturer will not be responsible for any damages or inconveniences that may result.

(Eve: was that last one from a bottle of hibiscrub?)

#62 ::: Dave Bell ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 05:53 AM:

Void where prohibited by law.

#63 ::: Sugar ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 06:09 AM:

"Caution: to prevent electric shock, do not remove cover. No user-servicable parts inside. Refer servicing to qualified service personnel."

#64 ::: Alter S. Reiss ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 06:14 AM:

DILUTE DILUTE OKAY!

#65 ::: Eve ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 06:20 AM:

Jules@61: Good spot. And I've loved it ever since I first read the Hibiscrub label.

#66 ::: Fragano Ledgister ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 06:57 AM:

For use in this time-line only. May not be transferred to alternative time-lines.

#67 ::: creeley ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 07:08 AM:

Avoid contact with eyes and skin.

#68 ::: Charlie Stross ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 07:12 AM:

By breaking the seal you irrevocably agree to abide by the terms and conditions of the agreement contained herein ...

#69 ::: A. J. Luxton ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 07:17 AM:

With appertain rotor of screw setting pre ceiling on the under standing that screw no wield. May wield two-faced pressboard securing. Wield pre to begin with wiping ceiling of bilge dasto.

WARNING!!

* Prythee no sport with stingy or play asperity game. Winding finger have got bloodstream not wallk. Through of peril.
* Tad disport of time grown man tatelage.
* Till the cowcomes home. Wield toys damage, burn-in prythee wind to a close wield.

#70 ::: G. Jules ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 07:20 AM:

In the event of a water landing, your seat cushion may be used as a flotation device. Affix your own mask before helping others. Please locate the nearest exit, keeping in mind that it may be behind you.

Warning: the moving sidewalk is coming to an end.

Mind the gap.

#71 ::: Steve Buchheit ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 07:30 AM:

Please remain seated until the ride comes to a complete and final halt.

#72 ::: Q ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 07:33 AM:

Do not attempt to change fanbelt while engine is running.

#73 ::: Nix ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 07:36 AM:

Warning: Potatoes.

#74 ::: ajay ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 07:51 AM:

Warning: Void behind this door

(seen on a mysterious door in Oxford Circus tube station)

J: "I am on fire and carrying explosives"

A friend of mine used to practice what he called "ontological activism" by putting stickers on walls, furniture, load-bearing structures etc reading "CAUTION: This object may not exist".

#75 ::: JohnD ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 08:09 AM:

Re Larry@6: Often seen on TV dinners...

Serving Suggestion
KEEP FROZEN

#76 ::: astronautgo ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 08:09 AM:

Cape does not enable user to fly.

#77 ::: astronautgo ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 08:12 AM:

Also, let #63 be the epitaph for my heart.

#78 ::: Sarah S ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 08:35 AM:

Do not use while sleeping.

Not to be taken orally.

Do not use in or near water.

Do not use if seal under bottle cap imprinted with "Sealed for your protection" is broken or missing.

Keep out of reach of children.

Flammable until dry.

Here there be dragons.

#79 ::: Alex ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 08:40 AM:

Remove before flight.

#80 ::: Nathan ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 09:13 AM:

WARNING! PINCH POINT! Items placed here may damage this rented equipment while being destroyed.

#81 ::: Carrie S. ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 09:30 AM:

If eye contact occurs, flush with water for at least 15 minutes and contact a physician.

Use only in a well-ventilated area.

Shake well before applying.

If swallowed, do not induce vomiting.

#82 ::: Serge ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 09:46 AM:

"Quarry. Because it's mined!"

#83 ::: Chris Quinones ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 09:57 AM:

This broadcast may not be reproduced or retransmitted without the express written consent of Major League Baseball.

We Are Happy To Serve You.

#84 ::: Faren Miller ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 09:58 AM:

Shaken, not stirred (exception: political threads).

Your results may vary.

#85 ::: Skwid ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 10:06 AM:

Shake gently and serve chilled.

#86 ::: Janet Kegg ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 10:07 AM:

Not a significant source of other nutrients.

Cutting edge is sharp. Avoid Contact.

The characters and situations in this book are entirely imaginary and bear no relation to any real person or actual happening.

#87 ::: Serge ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 10:16 AM:

This is a true story. Only the events have been changed.

#88 ::: Andrew Willett ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 10:27 AM:

Caution: filling is hot.

#89 ::: Gwen ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 10:32 AM:

Names with an asterisk* have been changed to protect privacy.
Hold stick near center of its length. Moisten pointed end in mouth. Insert in tooth space, blunt end next to gum. Use gentle in-out motion.
Don't Panic.

#90 ::: Jon Meltzer ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 10:34 AM:

Don't make me type all this again.

#91 ::: Serge ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 10:39 AM:

Dehydrated boulder. Just add water.

#92 ::: Martyn Taylor ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 10:43 AM:

This train terminates here. Will all passengers please change.

#93 ::: P J Evans ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 10:44 AM:

Past performance is not a guarantee of future results.

#94 ::: Alex Cohen ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 10:44 AM:

This post not to be used to operate aircraft, weapon systems, or nuclear power plants, and shall not be exported to the nations of North Korea, Cuba, Libya, or Gretna, Louisiana.

#95 ::: MD² ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 10:46 AM:

To be used with hands only.

#96 ::: theophylact ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 10:50 AM:

Some of the listed capacity is used for formatting and other functions and is not available for storage.

Maximum width 100 inches.

In order to be declared a winner, entrants will be required to correctly answer a mathematical skill-testing question.

#97 ::: John ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 11:08 AM:

-Cut small slit in packaging before microwaving product

(I didn't find it before microwaving, though; guess it was too small)

-Do not allow children to operate without supervision

(seen on my table saw; wouldn't want them to operate unsupervised OR supervised, for that matter)

-Microwave and dishwasher safe

-Do not microwave (seen on a metal container)

#98 ::: Howard Peirce ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 11:09 AM:

Me: Yeah, about this "Default Tolerance" field on the dialog box. That wasn't in the spec. What's it do?

Software Developer: Oh, the user shouldn't have any reason to change that.

Me: What happens if they do?

SD: They'll probably just get bad results. Or the process won't run, and it'll return a system error.

Me: Why is it here?

SD: In case the user needs to change it for some reason. But I can't imagine why. They probably shouldn't touch it.

My brain (V.O.): So, you defined a constant as a variable, and then exposed it the UI. Good show.

Final documentation:

NOTE: [Company Name] strongly recommends that you do not modify the default tolerance value.

#99 ::: Debra Doyle ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 11:09 AM:

Not all plates increase in value.

#100 ::: DaveL ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 11:23 AM:

Shown with optional equipment.

Do not insert in ear canal.

Is there any other object than a Q-tip that basically advises you against using it in the normal way everyone uses it? The closest I can come is my chainsaw, whose manual essentially says (distilled a bit) "If you use this tool you will die."

#101 ::: Avocado of Death ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 11:37 AM:

Dramatization.

Based on a true story.

Past performance is no guarantee of future results.

Candy is a treat. Please consume in moderation.

#102 ::: P J Evans ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 11:37 AM:

Professional driver on closed course.

#103 ::: Avocado of Death ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 11:41 AM:

For entertainment purposes only.

#104 ::: Stephen G ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 11:42 AM:

Do not use if you cannot see clearly to read the information in this information booklet.

After Meatloaf's "Objects in the Rear View Mirror May Appear Closer Than They Are" was unleashed upon an unsuspecting populace, my brother and I delighted in writing the lyrics to his presumptive follow-up hit, "Object May Have Shifted During Flight."

#105 ::: Serge ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 11:42 AM:

Please do not try anything that you're about to see us do, at home. We're experts.

- the MythBusters

#106 ::: RedMolly ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 11:42 AM:

Due to sexual content, you must be eighteen to order.

#107 ::: Lizzy L ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 11:44 AM:

And the ever-popular Don't Try This at Home.

#108 ::: Thel ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 11:50 AM:

Some material may not be suitable for children. May contain adult themes, alcohol and tobacco use, some profanity, violence or brief nudity.

#109 ::: Julie L. ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 11:53 AM:

Add 180ml (6.30OZ) of hot boiled water (over 90C) while stirring counterclockwise quickly. Notice: The content can only be stirred one time, otherwise it won't be curdled. Consume it soon or keep in fridge after unpacked.

Grrr, argh!

(wrt "plastic bag != toy" warnings, at a farmers' market earlier this year I saw two toddlers who'd gotten hold of some plastic bags behind their mother's back and were happily popping them over their heads like astronaut helmets, giggling as the plastic alternately wafted outward and then suctioned up against their noses. Somehow I never actually thought kids would do that.)

#110 ::: adamsj ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 11:54 AM:

Hire people with hooks. For a good time call 606-4311; Ask for "Ken."

#111 ::: Tracie ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 12:01 PM:

Under applicable Federal laws, this tape may be duplicated only with advance written permission from the publisher.

#113 ::: little light ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 12:20 PM:

This is not a pipe.

#116 ::: P J Evans ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 12:35 PM:

Ah, our unwanted visitors from yesterday afternoon. I see they haven't learned anything overnight.

#117 ::: P J Evans ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 12:37 PM:

I also see they're using the same addresses as yesterday.

#118 ::: Jon Sobel ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 12:38 PM:

You may not use the software installed on the licensed device within a virtual (or otherwise emulated) hardware system. Electric shock could occur if used outdoors. Wet Paint! Postscript error.

#119 ::: P J Evans ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 12:40 PM:

This program has committed an illegal operation.

#120 ::: j h woodyatt ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 12:45 PM:

"My brain (V.O.): So, you defined a constant as a variable, and then exposed it the UI. Good show.

Final documentation:

NOTE: [Company Name] strongly recommends that you do not modify the default tolerance value."

So, $COMPANY shipped software with a control for the sole purpose of producing unexpected failure modes, and the error was compounded by having it accompanied with documentation containing a cryptic warning not to use the control.

Very nice.

#121 ::: Space Parasite ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 12:48 PM:

DaveL, #100: ...my chainsaw, whose manual essentially says (distilled a bit) "If you use this tool you will die."

But you'll still die if you don't use it, and you won't have had the chance to star in your own slasher flick!

#122 ::: Dan Blum ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 12:52 PM:

Do not urinate directly into flask.

Hold for culture and sensitivity.

Panic values exceeded.

#123 ::: Sarah S ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 12:52 PM:

This movie based on actual historical legends.

(from the credits of National Treasure.)

#124 ::: alsafi ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 12:53 PM:

To avoid electric shock, do not immerse in water.

The views expressed in this commentary are those of the authors, and are not to be taken as endorsed by the company or companies in question.

There may be Confidential Patient Information contained in this posting. This information should not be forwarded or printed unless it is necessary to meet governmental obligations in accordance with the public health disclosure under Section 164.512(b) (1)(iii) of the HIPAA Privacy Rule.

#125 ::: Avocado of Death ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 12:55 PM:

>> This is not a pipe.

It's also not a painting of one.

#126 ::: Carrie S. ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 12:56 PM:

Hire people with hooks. For a good time call 606-4311; Ask for "Ken."

Have you been reading Dies the Fire?

People with heart or back problems and pregnant women should not ride this ride. You must be at least this tall to ride.

#127 ::: Jen Roth ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 12:57 PM:

Apply directly to the forehead!

#128 ::: Malthus ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 01:01 PM:

Contains phenylalanine.

#129 ::: Jo Walton sees some idiots ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 01:02 PM:

Which reminds me of the instructions that came with our Klein Bottle:

"For best results, avoid doing stupid things."

I find it has remarkably wide application.

#130 ::: Thel ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 01:11 PM:

I see the "PG" label wasn't strong enough.

Let's try again.

This thread Restricted: Under 17 requires accompanying parent or adult guardian. Contains adult material. May include graphic language, violence, sex, nudity and drug use.

#131 ::: Dan Layman-Kennedy ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 01:15 PM:

Bonus material Not Rated.

#132 ::: Jen Birren ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 01:22 PM:

Jo Walton's reminds me of Commit No Nuisance.

(Helene Hanff saw that one in a London square.)

#133 ::: Clifton Royston ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 01:23 PM:

(I'm seeing a surprising number of the warnings we used to include in tiny print on our installer disks, including a number of the physics-based disclaimers.)

WARNING: This product warps space and time in its vicinity.

CONSUMER ADVISORY: Despite any disclaimers to the contrary, this object contains 99.9999999999% empty space by volume.

Warning: The mass of this object may vary with its velocity relative to the user.

(Also, a few more safety warnings for good measure)

Do not attach to a heavy object, throw it up in the air, and stand under it.

Do not dissolve in acid and inhale the fumes.

#134 ::: MD² ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 01:30 PM:

Do not open before Christmas.

Do not try to dissolve Parliament in hydrofluoric acid.

Pas d'abus prolongés sans avis médical.

#135 ::: Serge ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 01:34 PM:

Do not open until Doomsday.

(Or don't you remember that episode of The Outer Limits?)

#136 ::: Mimi ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 01:34 PM:

Caution: wild bulls running in the street.

#137 ::: Teresa Nielsen Hayden ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 01:35 PM:

Our Gift Package is guaranteed to make you a better athlete and a more attractive recruit.

#138 ::: Teresa Nielsen Hayden ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 01:36 PM:

Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.

#139 ::: Teresa Nielsen Hayden ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 01:40 PM:

With the arrow pointing forward, place the detector on the cow and press down firmly on the outer cloth portion. (An applicator is provided for this purpose.)

Observe cows diligently!

#140 ::: P J Evans ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 01:43 PM:

Beware of oncoming bus in middle of road under bridge.

#141 ::: Hilary Hertzoff ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 01:44 PM:

Keep hands and arms inside the blog at all times.

Do not remove this tag under penalty of law.

Please rewind before returning.

#142 ::: abi ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 01:48 PM:

Only refill with genuine Kikkoman soy sauce.

#143 ::: Serge ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 01:55 PM:

There once was an article in the business section of the San Francisco Chronicle that cautioned people to remain with both feet firmly on the ground, but without going overboard.

#144 ::: RedMolly ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 02:03 PM:

Intentional misuse by deliberately concentrating and inhaling contents may be harmful or fatal.

#145 ::: P J Evans ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 02:04 PM:

Heavy Plant Crossing

#147 ::: Teresa Nielsen Hayden ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 02:09 PM:

This garment will not enable wearer to fly.
Do not turn upside down.
In case of flood, proceed uphill.
Do not attempt to swallow.

Open bottle before drinking.
May irritate eyes.
Do not use as Ice Cream topping.
Do not use for drying pets.

Remove clothing before washing.
Keep away from children.
May contain small parts.
Details inside.

Push this button.
Seat must be facing forward for take-off and landing.
For outdoor use only.
Not to be used as a hedge trimmer.

Do not use while sleeping.
Not suitable for children.
Violators will be prosecuted.
You could be a winner!

Caution--contents flammable.
See serving suggestions.
Not dishwasher safe.
This bag is not a toy.

#149 ::: abi ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 02:12 PM:

TNH @147 *

Thank you. I've been feeling the inner tug to do something with all these, but I haven't had the time (it's Serge and Fragano's fault).

Now I feel better, and you did a better job of it than I would have.

----
* You're 149 as I compose this, but that will change.

#150 ::: P J Evans ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 02:14 PM:

Hey, kiddies, how about you-all setting up your own blog where you can say all the silly (or embarrassing) things you want, without trashing other people's sites?

Or is that too complicated for you?

#151 ::: Serge ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 02:17 PM:

I've been feeling the inner tug to do something with all these, but I haven't had the time (it's Serge and Fragano's fault).

There I was, still basking in the glow of being abi's Muse and already she discards me. Fickle youth.

#152 ::: Avocado of Death ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 02:17 PM:

The white zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only. There is no stopping in a red zone.

Mind the gap.

#153 ::: John Houghton ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 02:18 PM:

WARNING: Do not put any person in this washer.

#154 ::: Teresa Nielsen Hayden ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 02:19 PM:

That does it. I'm going to be contacting your school and filing a formal complaint.

#155 ::: abi ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 02:19 PM:

No, Serge, you're still Musifying, but it's not for ML. Until the rejection letter comes through, anyway.

Don't go on strike.

#156 ::: P J Evans ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 02:22 PM:

Can Hotmail shut off their accounts? Would it be worth asking?

Meanwhile:

D-Ring Holds 25% More

#157 ::: Lizzy L sees boring comment spam ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 02:25 PM:

Keep out of reach of fools.

#158 ::: John Houghton ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 02:27 PM:

Oh dear, what did I do?

#159 ::: Sean Bosker ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 02:27 PM:

Front Toward Enemy

#160 ::: Claude Muncey ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 02:28 PM:

Do not remove this label under penalty of law.

(Over a penalty of law is fine.)

#161 ::: John Houghton ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 02:28 PM:

WARNING:

Under Maine law, a skier assumes the risk of any injury to person or property resulting from any of the inherent dangers and risks of skiing and may not recover from any ski area operator for any injury resulting from any of the inherent dangers and risks of skiing, including, but not limited to: existing and changing weather conditions; existing and changing snow conditions, such as ice, hardpack, powder, packed powder, corn, crust and slush and cut-up, granular and machine-made snow; surface or subsurface conditions, such as dirt, grass, bare spots, rocks, stumps, trees, forest growth or other natural objects and collisions with such natural objects; lift towers, lights, signs, posts, fences, mazes or enclosures, hydrants, water or air pipes, snowmaking and snow-grooming equipment, marked or lit trail maintenance vehicles and snowmobiles, and other man-made structures or objects; variations in steepness or terrain, whether natural or as a result of slope design, snowmaking or grooming operations, including, but not limited to, ski jumps, roads and catwalks or other terrain modifications; the presence of and collisions with other skiers; and the failure of skiers to ski safely, in control or within their own abilities.

#162 ::: Serge ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 02:29 PM:

And, if you get a rejection letter, abi, THEN you'll discard me? To think I gave you the best years of my life and this is how I'm treated. Sniff.

#163 ::: P J Evans ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 02:32 PM:

John Houghton @ 161:

I think the only possibility they left out is failure of the ski equipment itself. Jeebus, that's a long list of not-responsible-for!

#164 ::: Dan Blum ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 02:37 PM:

Blogger carries no cash.

#165 ::: Teresa Nielsen Hayden ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 02:38 PM:

I'm working at home. Jim's away from his computer. Patrick is busy. I usually hunt via language patterns. Anybody here feel like playing haruspex with the entrails of IP address 199.216.252.3?

If you want full headers, just ask.

#166 ::: John Houghton ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 02:42 PM:

P J @163:
That is actually covered in a different section, and is posted on the equipment rental forms, but isn't required to be posted at the ski area.

#167 ::: DaveM ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 02:43 PM:

Some assembly required.

#168 ::: PixelFish ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 02:44 PM:

Game content may change during online play.

#169 ::: Kathryn from Sunnyvale ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 02:48 PM:

"YOU VOLUNTARILY ASSUME THE RISK OF SERIOUS INJURY OR DEATH BY ATTENDING."

"You must bring enough food, water, shelter, and first aid to survive one week in a harsh desert environment. Commercial vending, firearms, fireworks, rockets and all other explosives prohibited. You agree to read and abide by ALL rules in the Survival Guide. You agree to follow federal, state, and local laws.

"This is a LEAVE NO TRACE, Pack it in, Pack it OUT event. You are asked to contribute 2 hours of playa clean up in addition to your own camp before departure..."

"PARTICIPATE"

#170 ::: Lizzy L ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 02:50 PM:

John Houghton at 158, not you. Teresa has already taken care of it.

Do not Fold, Spindle, or Mutilate.

#171 ::: Fragano Ledgister ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 02:51 PM:

Abi # 149: Oh, dear me! What can I say?

Well....


There's something wicked sitting on my desk,
a pile of essays written in great haste
in language that's quite twisted and grotesque
a violation of all good sense and taste;
now you accuse me, oh how much it stings,
of magically taking all your time,
when you're the one whose pen (or keyboard) sings
in thoughtful, elegant, well-chosen rhyme.
It's not my fault or Serge's, I must say,
that work and family come to intervene,
in your most subtle inditing of a lay
that makes us laugh while being quite serene.
I'm finished now, and worried that you'll curse
my lame invention in much better verse.

#172 ::: Jen Roth ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 02:53 PM:

Teresa, this school's site is 199.216.252.8, so I am pretty confident it's what you're looking for:

http://www.gppsd.ab.ca/macklin/index.html

#173 ::: John Houghton ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 02:56 PM:

Do not hold in hand while lighting.

#174 ::: abi ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 02:58 PM:

Serge,

No, when the rejection letter comes, I post the sonnets here.

Fragano,

Work and family have intervened, but you're the one who suggested I try the Mystic Rite of Sending Stuff Off. I just decided to send stuff off that I haven't posted here first.

And that's a good one. Good flow to it.


Only aids weight loss as part of a calorie-controlled diet.

Willpower required.

The characters you have seen are played by specially trained actors, and for your own safety, do not try to imitate them.

Must end soon.

#175 ::: P J Evans ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 03:00 PM:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia:Administrators'_noticeboard/IncidentArchive105
This previously blocked publically used IP address 199.216.252.3 has resumed vandalizing pages. See here. Flibirigit 19:05, 1 June 2006 (UTC)

Running the IP address through one of the cousins of WhoIs confirms that it's an Alberta government IP address (Alberta PWSS, Telecommunications Division). Google has several entries for it on pages with site statistics.

#176 ::: abi ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 03:02 PM:

Alberta is consistent with the 708 phone number they posted yesterday.

I used to think better of Canadians, as a whole.

#177 ::: Joe J ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 03:03 PM:

Please try again.

(Not exactly a warning or instruction, but I always found it to be a very positive way to call someone a loser. "Don't give up. At least the bottle cap is supporting you.")

#178 ::: John Houghton ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 03:04 PM:

(You must preview before posting.)

#179 ::: Larry Brennan ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 03:15 PM:

If you cannot read or follow the instructions on this card, please ask a flight attendant to be reseated.

#180 ::: Serge ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 03:16 PM:

abi @ 176... Phew!

#181 ::: Fragano Ledgister ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 03:18 PM:

Abi #176: Good luck.

Objects in the mirror are closer than they appear.

#182 ::: Jon Sobel ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 03:20 PM:

Stop! The area ahead has the worst weather in America. Many have died there from exposure even in the summer. Turn back now if the weather is bad.

(I'm sure I'm not the only one who's been hiking in the White Mountains of NH.)

#183 ::: P J Evans ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 03:28 PM:

6% Grade Next 6 Miles
Trucks Use Low Gear

#184 ::: Charlie Stross ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 03:30 PM:

(Seen in a British railway station ...)

Electrified Track
Danger of Death
Do not trespass on the line
Maximum penalty: £200

#186 ::: Teresa Nielsen Hayden ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 03:42 PM:

John Houghton (161), for coverage that one's right up there with the Archbishop of Glasgow's Monition of Cursing against the Border Reivers.

#187 ::: P J Evans ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 03:45 PM:

What did the Archbishop have to say, or should I even ask?

#188 ::: Larry Brennan ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 03:48 PM:

AVISO
La via del tren subterreneo es peligrosa. Si el tren se para entre las estaciones, quedese adentro. No salga afuera. Siga las instructiones de los operadores del tren o la policia.

(OK, OK, some accents are missing. IIRC, it was in all caps anyway.)

#189 ::: Kathryn from Sunnyvale ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 03:50 PM:

#165, $177,

Looking at the quality of Wiki edits (click "diff") done by others sharing MLs young visigoth guests' IP, and seeing that Macklin tops out at 9th grade, I'm guessing 7th graders.

They have discovered french kissing, they're blind to their surroundings*, they haven't yet discovered that their behavior is now capable of long-term consequences (by 10th grade one is very aware of that).

Perhaps they don't yet know (in that innocent way that 2 1/2 year olds also have) that adults are quite capable of tracking down what you've done, especially when you leave cookie crumbs and phone numbers next to the vandalized cookie jar. (My nearly 3 year old niece understands "time out," but still can't quite believe that they're going to happen, until they do. Now, what could a "time out" mean during hockey season, if one unapologetically goes vandalizing other peoples' websites?)

Here's a math question-- In a school with just 800 students and just a few afternoon social studies classes,** how likely is it that more than one person has the name 'lyssa?

* by High School you might just feel shy about talking to interesting people you meet. In Jr. high you don't know that you should want to talk to them.

** per a receptionist. Research is easy when voip calls are $.005/minute, eh?

#190 ::: Jen Roth ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 03:53 PM:

From a package of moist towelettes I just used:

"Cleans and refreshes without soap or water. [...]

CONTAINS: Water, fragrance & soap."

#191 ::: RedMolly ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 03:53 PM:

May cause epileptic seizure in photosensitive children.

#192 ::: theophylact ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 03:55 PM:

To stop the train in cases of emergency
Pull on the cord.
Penalty for improper use: £5

#193 ::: Kathryn from Sunnyvale ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 03:57 PM:

The absence of a warning for a given drug or drug combination in no way should be construed to indicate that the drug or drug combination is safe

Remove plastic before eating

#194 ::: theophylact ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 04:00 PM:

Nous vous remercions de bien vouloir laisser libres les places assises numérotées qui sont réservées en priorité et dans l’ordre : aux mutilés de guerre, aux aveugles civils, aux invalides du travail, aux femmes enceintes, aux personnes accompagnées d’enfants de moins de 4 ans.

#195 ::: abi ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 04:01 PM:

Lather, rinse, repeat.

#196 ::: Teresa Nielsen Hayden ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 04:04 PM:

Alyssa, if you, Seth, Hanna, Ryan, Alex, and Amanda don't believe me, you can go down to Mr. McDonald's office and ask him.

#197 ::: Zeynep ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 04:04 PM:

Always store in antistatic bags. Always wear grounding bracelets when handling.

Do not touch optical surfaces with bare hands.

Do not look into the laser with remaining eye.

Removing this sticker voids the warranty.

Do not store near organic solvents. Do not store in glass containers. Make sure the fume hood is operational prior to use.

#198 ::: RedMolly ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 04:05 PM:

Theophylact #194: on my one & only visit to Paris, while seven months pregnant, I never had to stand on a single Metro ride. Once, a surly youngish man challenged the kind-faced fortyish woman who had just stood up and given me her seat. "Elle est enceinte!" she snapped back at him, and he had the good grace to blush.

#199 ::: Dan Blum ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 04:09 PM:

No jake brakes.

#200 ::: abi ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 04:22 PM:

Fragano @171:

If that's your evening, this is mine.


It's hard to pry the schoolboy from the Wii
Or his admiring sister from the couch
(She likes to watch him play). For me,
To make them move means being Mama Grouch.
But up the stairs and out of clothes they go
Then run and hide, one giggler per bed,
Until the bath is full. It's then, they know,
I'll come and pull the duvet off each head.
The bath is soothing, time to settle down,
Then brushing teeth and choosing one book each.
He fidgets, but she listens with a frown
And wants the book left close within her reach.
A kiss, two kisses, and two hugs goodnight
A last shared smile, and I turn out the light.

(I claim better raw material to work with!)

#201 ::: Laurence ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 04:27 PM:

BEWARE OF INTERNET

#202 ::: Kathryn from Sunnyvale ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 04:32 PM:

THIS IS NOT A CHAIN LETTER

#203 ::: Lexica ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 04:33 PM:

Information gladly given, but safety requires avoiding unnecessary conversation.

#204 ::: Aconite ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 04:33 PM:

This message contains no viruses.

#205 ::: P J Evans ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 04:34 PM:

Right Turn on Green Arrow Only

#206 ::: alsafi ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 04:39 PM:

Left turn only. Both ways OK. Right turn only.

(from a series of signs my partner was so amused by she stopped to get a picture of the intersection.)

#207 ::: Nancy C ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 04:41 PM:

Do not feed the trolls.

Stand clear of the closing doors.

#208 ::: CaoPaux ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 04:42 PM:

This device must accept any interference received, including interference that may cause undesired operation.

*waves to Aconite* :)

#209 ::: Stephen G ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 04:44 PM:

This is not spam. You requested this blog comment.

#210 ::: P J Evans ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 04:47 PM:

On my keyboard:

WARNING
To reduce risk of serious injury, read Safety and Comfort Guide provided with product and at [URL].

#211 ::: Clifton Royston ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 04:50 PM:

Larry @ 179: I have always wanted to alter one of those airline notice cards to read:

"If you can not read or follow the instructions on this card, then for all you know it might be telling you to go fry a weasel."

#212 ::: Peter Erwin ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 04:50 PM:

Brought to you by the letters M and L.

#213 ::: John Houghton ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 05:00 PM:

Teresa (186):
The amazing thing it that it doesn't always actually work. A few years ago a Colorado ski area lost a judgment for $mil in Texas when the plaintiff's injuries were due to committing a crime (skiing out-of-bounds in avalanche country). Colorado has a similar law, but apparently the ski area is owned by a Texas corp.

p.s. Boy, this thread is zooming along.

#214 ::: Epacris ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 05:10 PM:

Light Blue Touch Paper and Stand Back

aka

Light The Blue Touch Paper And Retire

#215 ::: abi ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 05:14 PM:

Do Not Iron

(found on an IKEA ironing board cover. I kid ye not.)

#216 ::: Tom Scudder ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 05:22 PM:

This program posts news to thousands of machines throughout the entire civilized world. Your message will cost the net hundreds if not thousands of dollars to send everywhere.

#217 ::: P J Evans ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 05:32 PM:

Slippery When Wet Or Frosty

(With the addition of a well-placed comma, this was the title of a 'mellerdrama' at the theater in New Almaden, CA, many years ago.)

#218 ::: SKapusniak ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 05:37 PM:

If you are acquiring this posting on behalf of any unit or agency of the United States Government, the following provisions apply. The Government agrees the posting and foregoing thread were developed at private expense and are provided with "RESTRICTED RIGHTS". Use, duplication, or disclosure by the Government is subject to restrictions as set forth in this thread and in DFARS 227.7202-1(a) and 227.7202-3(a) (1995), DFARS 252.227-7013(c)(1)(ii) (Oct 1988), FAR 12.212(a)(1995), FAR 52.227-19, (June 1987) or FAR 52.227-14(ALT III) (June 1987), as amended from time to time. In the event that this thread, or any part thereof, is deemed inconsistent with the minimum rights identified in the Restricted Rights provisions, the minimum rights shall prevail.

(As a .uk citizen I've always wondered what CEO and corporate accountant terrifying activities the US government gets up to if you forget to include that disclaimer)

#219 ::: Martyn Taylor ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 05:41 PM:

Share prices can fall as well as rise.

All our agents are busy right now. Please try later.

Please wait here until your number is called.

#220 ::: Vardibidian ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 05:41 PM:

You must be 45” or taller to ride this ride or with an adult.

(Text taken verbatim. Do not attempt to parse. May cause drowsiness. Not recommended for children. Keep cool. Don't put it in your mouth.)

Thanks,
-V.

#221 ::: Jp ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 05:42 PM:

Ed Itor's decision is final. No chorus porn dens will be entered into.

#222 ::: Greg London ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 05:47 PM:

#159 Front Toward Enemy

(shudder)

Three shall be the the number of the counting.
...
Five is right out.

#223 ::: Greg London ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 05:48 PM:

Do not exceed G limits: +5 and -0.9

#224 ::: Greg London ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 05:50 PM:

Vomiting agent used during training exercises

#225 ::: Greg London ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 05:54 PM:

If you voluntarily choose to skydive, then you are accepting complete personal responsibility for your decision. You may be seriously injured and you may die if you make that decision.

#227 ::: Fragano Ledgister ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 05:58 PM:

Abi #200:

Life with small children:
tiring but so rewarding,
smiling memory.

Cliché: they grow fast,
so true; but now enjoy them,
love is what matters.

#228 ::: MD² ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 05:59 PM:

SORRY FOR THE INCONVENIENCE.

Warning: Contains Language.

Do not ingest if pregnant.

#229 ::: dan ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 06:14 PM:

Risk of explosion if used in the presence of flammable anesthetics.

#230 ::: P J Evans ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 06:19 PM:

Dishwasher Top Rack Only

#231 ::: dan ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 06:22 PM:

Do not press service.

#232 ::: Greg London ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 06:23 PM:

Danger: Jet Exhaust is hot!

#233 ::: Debra Doyle ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 06:32 PM:

Brake for moose.

#234 ::: Sharon M ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 06:34 PM:

Not valid with other offers.

#235 ::: Linkmeister ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 06:44 PM:
The information contained in this communication is protected by the attorney-client and/or the attorney/work product privilege. It is intended only for the use of the addressee, and the privileges are not waived by virtue of this having been sent by e-mail . If the person actually receiving this communication or any other reader of the communication is not the named recipient, or the employee or agent responsible to deliver it to the recipient, any use, dissemination, distribution or copying of this communication is strictly prohibited. If you have received this communication in error, please immediately notify us by return e-mail or by e-mail to postmaster@XXXlaw.com, and destroy this communication and all copies thereof, including all attachments.

Query: How am I to destroy this communication?

#236 ::: miriam beetle ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 06:48 PM:

results not typical.

#237 ::: Pamela Dean ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 06:48 PM:

Warning: Reality may shift during sex.

P.

#238 ::: Greg London ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 07:02 PM:

Notice: Sentry-Gun should be activated from a remote location or from outside of preprogrammed kill zone. Do not enter kill zone after activation: killing may occur.

#239 ::: Bruce E. Durocher II ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 07:09 PM:

Reality only works when you use it.

(The only time I've ever bought a product just for the warning labels.)

#240 ::: xeger ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 07:09 PM:

This blog post contains forward-looking statements that involve risks, uncertainties and assumptions. If such risks or uncertainties materialize or such assumptions prove incorrect, the results of ML and its consolidated subsidiaries could differ materially from those expressed or implied by such forward-looking statements and assumptions. All statements other than statements of historical fact are statements that could be deemed forward-looking statements, including the expected benefits and costs of the transaction; management plans relating to the transaction; the expected timing of the completion of the transaction; any statements of expectation or belief; and any statements of assumptions underlying any of the foregoing. Risks, uncertainties and assumptions include the possibility that expected benefits may not materialize as expected; risks related to the timing or ultimate completion of the transaction; and other risks that are described from time to time in ML’s Securities and Exchange Commission reports, including but not limited to the risks described in ML’s Quarterly Report on Form 10-Q for the fiscal quarter ended July 31, 2006, and other reports filed after ML’s Annual Report on Form 10-K for the fiscal year ended Oct. 31, 2005. ML assumes no obligation and does not intend to update these forward-looking statements.

#241 ::: Mary Aileen Buss ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 07:17 PM:

Take with food.
Do not operate heavy machinery.
Void where prohibited.
Operators are standing by.

#242 ::: Dave Kuzminski ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 07:29 PM:

#222, yes, that warning is actually on Claymore mines used by the US military.

#243 ::: Jonathan Cohen ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 07:32 PM:

Warning: contains language.

Do not touch the third rail.

Kernel panic: you should not be seeing this message.

Useless use of void in a void context.

#244 ::: oliviacw ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 07:41 PM:

Do not fill with boiling water.
Disconnect the cord before changing batteries.
Compatible only with high speed drives.
Please Recycle.

#245 ::: Greg London ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 07:42 PM:

General Failure Reading Hard Drive

#246 ::: Alex Cohen ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 07:44 PM:

The Adobe Updater must update itself before it can check for updates. Would you like to update the Adobe Updater now?

#247 ::: Nicole J. LeBoeuf-Little ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 07:50 PM:

FALLING ROCK
(Just one. And when it gets its chance, by golly...)

ICY CONDITIONS MAY EXIST
(Then again, they may not. Icy conditions have existential angst.)

DEER NEXT 10 MILES
(We've asked them politely to confine their crossings to the demarcated area.)

#248 ::: Dave Luckett ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 08:01 PM:

Duck crossing.

(1) Get over it some other way instead.
(2) It's a very low bridge.
(3) Poultry breeder's research institute.
(4) Do not accept hybridisation.

#249 ::: Nicole J. LeBoeuf-Little ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 08:05 PM:

"No fooling around, please.

"Please exit other side. It's confusing, I know."

#250 ::: Rob Rusick ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 08:07 PM:

Nicole J. LeBoeuf-Little @247: DEER NEXT 10 MILES (We've asked them politely to confine their crossings to the demarcated area.)

My favorite Reader's Digest story involved some guy writing to the traffic department asking them to move the Deer Crossing sign. Too many deer were being struck by cars at that location, and he thought they should cross somewhere else.

#251 ::: Teresa Nielsen Hayden ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 08:08 PM:

El via del tren es muy peligroso.

#252 ::: Sharon M ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 08:20 PM:

Phenylketonurics: Contains Phenylalanine

Hard candy can cause choking.

#253 ::: Leigh Butler ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 08:26 PM:

Engrish warnings are the best:

"Detour: Drive Sideways."

"Do not drink the battery acid; it tastes bad and will kill you."

Also:

Actual results may vary.

Shake well before opening.

Part of this complete breakfast.

#254 ::: Vian ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 08:35 PM:

Accessible entrance located three doors down.

Wombats next 150 KM.

Fire Danger Extreme.

Always spot-test before applying.

#255 ::: Zack Weinberg ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 09:13 PM:

STOP
Turn Product Over
Remove Rear Cover
Connect Battery

(from the shiny new Uninterruptible Power Supply that came in the mail today)

#256 ::: Vian ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 09:29 PM:

Wombats Cross Here.

Wallabies also reasonably pissed off.

Caution: Wide Load.

Watch for Signals.

#257 ::: CHip ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 09:31 PM:

Do not press this button again.

Do not look into laser beam with remaining eye.

#243: if you say "whoami" after removing the password file or your entry thereto (don't ask how that happens), some old Unixes will answer "Intruder alert!". An acquaintance claims he changed this to "You're nobody until somebody loves you."

#258 ::: Vian ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 09:31 PM:

This post intentionally left blank

#259 ::: P J Evans ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 10:00 PM:

CHip @ 257:

Um, in DEC's RT-11, if you say 'help foo', it says 'there is no help available for foo'. If you say 'help me', the response is 'there is no help available for you'.

#260 ::: Pfusand ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 10:11 PM:

This is not a door.

#261 ::: Baylee ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 10:14 PM:

what was all that talk about, IP address?

#262 ::: Don Fitch ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 10:36 PM:

This Is Not A Bus Stop

Keep Door Closed At All Times

Persons climbing this cliff beyond this point have fallen to their death. You Have Been Warned.

#263 ::: vassilissa ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 10:36 PM:

Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such thing, please not to read this notis.

#264 ::: Teresa Nielsen Hayden ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 10:40 PM:

Baylee, we've had a rash of trash-talking middle-school students trying to commandeer ML's comment threads to use as their personal chat room. All their messages came in from a single IP, which is also associated with persistent juvenile vandalism committed upon major Wikipedia entries.

(I phoned their Assistant Principal, who seemed like a nice guy. I sent him a complete set of info on the comments.)

Since I was wiping out their comments here as fast as I was spotting them, you get little reaction shots and other artifacts all through the thread, but no indication of what they were reacting to.

Trust me, you didn't want to read it.

#265 ::: Magenta Griffith ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 11:29 PM:

Cross Traffic Does Not Stop.

#266 ::: Clifton Royston ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 11:36 PM:

#243, #257, #259: On versions of Sun Solaris way way back when, the "make" command would respond to the command "make love" with "Not war?" I can no longer remember if I saw this one myself or only heard about it.

While that feature is long gone, the "sudo" command, one of the most useful tools in the modern sysadmin's repertoire, can be configured to come out with a string of insults from the Goon Show if you mistype your password. A very aesthetically satisfying experience.

Teresa: At least they turned out to be authentic spoiled brats, not spammer-simulated faux spoiled brats! There's not much to choose for between them, but there is at least a possibility that kids will learn from experience.

#267 ::: RedMolly ::: (view all by) ::: December 12, 2006, 11:37 PM:

Unless stated herein, any statement or representations made by any other person or firm are void.

#268 ::: Ross Smith ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 12:08 AM:

'dn apis siyt

#269 ::: Ross Smith ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 12:09 AM:

Of course you realise you could reproduce most of this thread by going through the collected works of Iain M. banks and writing down all the spaceship names.

#270 ::: Bill Humphries ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 12:10 AM:

Another possibility on the Albertan IP address is that it may be a compromised machine used as a proxy for vandalism.

#271 ::: Glenn Hauman ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 12:14 AM:

Stay alert. Trust no one. Keep your laser handy.

#272 ::: Harriet ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 12:28 AM:

Say what you mean.
Bear witness.
Iterate.
Always carry your towel.

#273 ::: Dave Luckett ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 01:11 AM:

Speed cameras are used here.

We couldn't afford to buy new.

#274 ::: Greg London ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 01:20 AM:

All your bases are belong to us now.

#275 ::: Greg London ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 01:23 AM:

Loader not intended to battle space alien queen with acid for blood.

#276 ::: Greg London ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 01:24 AM:

Direct and indirect fire is prohibited in the nuclear reactor zone. Please collect all ammo and use flame units and/or harsh language.

#277 ::: Greg London ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 01:25 AM:

Warning: Not all cowboys are gay.

seen buried at the end of Brokeback Mountain credits.

#278 ::: Greg London ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 01:27 AM:

Battling space alien queen with acid for blood voids loader warranty.

#279 ::: Greg London ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 01:35 AM:

Scanner equipment unable to detect life inside smuggling compartments.

Computer ports not secured from droid access.

Detention level not secured from wookie attack.

Tractor beam may be remotely disabled.

Shields not designed to repel 1-man fighters.

Exhaust port not protected against torpedos.

Failure to evacuate in "hour of glory" voids warranty.

#280 ::: Greg London ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 01:41 AM:

not intended to diagnose, cure, prevent or treat any diseases.

The information here is not intended as a substitute for medical advice and has not been
evaluated by the FDA.

#281 ::: Howard Peirce ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 01:47 AM:

I can't believe no one's mentioned this old chestnut:

SLOW CHILDREN AT PLAY

#282 ::: Michael Bernstein ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 01:53 AM:

The Alchemy Mindworks disclaimer:

All rights reserved. No part of this document may be reproduced by any means without the written permission of Alchemy Mindworks Inc. No fur-bearing animals were harmed during the creation of this document. Allergy alert: may contain nutmeg, but we doubt it. Return for refund where applicable. Not recommended for persons with sugar-restricted diets. Batteries are included -- best of luck finding them. Proud sponsor of the 1934 penguin olympic games at McMurdo Sound, Antarctica. May cause irritability, sleeplessness or warts after prolonged use. Contents under pressure. BHT added to preserve freshness. Caution: this product has caused some laboratory rats to rip through their cages, fly across the room and brutally murder hundreds of innocent people. Shake well before using. No vacuum tubes or other user-serviceable parts inside. Not to be combined with other radioisotopes except under the advice of a physician. Avoid prolonged exposure to ultraviolet light. The truth is out there. Use no hooks. Not intended for use by children or liberals under the age of five. Printed on unrecycled dead trees and we're proud of it.

#283 ::: Michael Bernstein ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 02:16 AM:

Ah, I forgot that that disclaimer was one of a set. I also forgot that they don't want it reproduced anywhere else without permission (I found the material quoted above from somewhere else, through Google).

Here is their FAQ page, with the various disclaimers interspersed throughout:

http://www.mindworkshop.com/alchemy/faq.html

#284 ::: Tom Scudder ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 02:17 AM:

Your attention please. Smoking is permitted in designed areas only.

#285 ::: dan ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 02:21 AM:

Do not subject to temperatures above 120F.
(on fire extinguisher label)

#286 ::: Mez ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 02:23 AM:

This material should be approached with an open mind, studied carefully, and critically considered.


<eeevil grin>

#287 ::: kate ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 02:31 AM:

Also, Howard, "Go children slow."

Hey Teresa, what's the story behind the cow detector?

#288 ::: Calton Bolick ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 03:24 AM:

Seen at the cash register of a Japanese bakery:

Sorry, we cannot change.

#289 ::: Meg Thornton ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 03:56 AM:

Not to be used for the other use.

#290 ::: MD² ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 04:25 AM:

How could I forget this one:

Ce cendrier vous est offert par la maison.

Spotted on the ash trays of a restaurant in Mexico. The disclaimer was in french only.
I guess it's all about the subtext.

#291 ::: Martyn Taylor ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 04:54 AM:

Opinions expressed here do not necessarily reflect those of the owners.

Seen something like at the bottom of all newspaper letter columns, and you know the papers where that's as much of a lie as everything else they print.

#292 ::: Serge ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 06:05 AM:

Nicole @ 2467...

FALLING ROCK (Just one. And when it gets its chance, by golly...)

Aaaawwww, Nicole, you bring back fond memories of when I was courting my wife. In 1986, I had flown from Quebec City to the Bay Area to visit her then we drove to Yosemite Park, which we had pretty much to ourselves because it was early Spring. Near a cliff there was one of those signs warning of falling rocks, also showing a human silhouette recoiling from said rock. Someone had added to the sign..

Another bozo dies

#293 ::: Jakob ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 06:17 AM:

Apocryphally: "Cut the red wire AFTER removing the green pin." - From a mine clearance manual.

I always thought the warning on a claymore should read THIS SIDE towards enemy...

Warning Jet Intake
Do not operate indoors
Produced in a facility processing nuts
Do not open whilst vehicle is moving

#294 ::: candle ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 06:44 AM:

Automatic CAUTION Door
Heavy Plant Crossing

and one that always terrifies me:

Oncoming Traffic in Middle of Road

#295 ::: John ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 06:53 AM:

In the event of swallowing, induce vomiting and call a doctor.

or, alternatively:

In the event of swallowing, do not induce vomiting and call a doctor.

(Fortunately both were not on the same medicine container)

#296 ::: Sundre ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 07:18 AM:

Share And Enjoy

#297 ::: Jon Meltzer ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 07:21 AM:

Forget personal information.
You must preview before posting.
Real e-mail addresses and URLs only, please.

#298 ::: John Houghton ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 07:43 AM:

DTR> help me
Datatrieve is not in the personal counseling business. For help on [TOPIC] type HELP [TOPIC]. For advanced help, type HELP ADVANCED [TOPIC].
DTR> help advanced me
You are not advanced.
DTR>
DTR> help wombat

#299 ::: John Houghton ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 08:01 AM:

P J Evans (187) re: Teresa (186):

the Archbishop of Glasgow's Monition of Cursing against the Border Reivers

I gotta make sure that the ski industry's lawyers don't ever see that.

#300 ::: Jon Meltzer ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 08:09 AM:

Error: The parameter is incorrect.

[Mac users ... you don't want to know. Truly.]

#301 ::: Carrie S. ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 08:57 AM:

Your door is ajar. (No, it's a door!)

Never throw sht at an armed man.

This technology is insufficiently advanced.

All questions presented to the Oracle have been painstakingly researched, but the prophecies have not. Querents who are sticklers for the truth should get their own Oracles.

#302 ::: Greg London ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 09:31 AM:

#293

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Claymore_mine

#303 ::: Avocado of Death ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 10:00 AM:

Howard Peirce @ #281:
I can't believe no one's mentioned this old chestnut: SLOW CHILDREN AT PLAY

I would have, but our Albertan vandals demonstrated it admirably.

Show, don't tell.

#304 ::: theophylact ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 10:04 AM:

Apropos #281, a sign on an Australian beach:

FALLING ROCKS
DO NOT STOP

#305 ::: Eve ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 10:12 AM:

It is essential to block your gauge swatch in order to achieve an accurate gauge measurement.

#306 ::: xeger ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 10:16 AM:

"It is impossible to successfully compile this software without the documentation. The documentation does not exist until the software has been compiled. This is a bug"

#307 ::: Steve Buchheit ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 10:17 AM:

Warning, engage brain before opening mouth.

#308 ::: Serge ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 10:20 AM:

"Close the actuator!"

Lex Luthor in the last chapter of serial Atom Man vs Superman.

#309 ::: Sarah S ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 10:36 AM:

3 –1–1 for carry-ons = 3 ounce bottle or less; 1 quart-sized, clear, plastic, zip-top bag; 1 bag per passenger placed in screening bin. One-quart bag per person limits the total liquid volume each traveler can bring. 3 oz. container size is a security measure.

Consolidate bottles into one bag and X-ray separately to speed screening.

Be prepared. Each time TSA searches a carry-on it slows down the line. Practicing 3-1-1 will ensure a faster and easier checkpoint experience.

3-1-1 is for short trips. If in doubt, put your liquids in checked luggage.

Declare larger liquids. Prescription medications, baby formula and milk are allowed in quantities exceeding three ounces and are not required to be in the zip-top bag. Declare these items for inspection at the checkpoint.

Come early and be patient. Heavy travel volumes and the enhanced security process may mean longer lines at security checkpoints.

#310 ::: Carrie S. ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 10:40 AM:

To insure proper fit, take time to check gauge.

Join without twisting.

Use markers to seperate pattern repeats.

Carry unused color loosely.

Do not carry unused color for more than five stitches without securing.

Do not agitate the piece while it is soaking.

Avoid sudden changes in the temperature of the water.

#311 ::: P J Evans ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 10:40 AM:

Clifford Royston @ 266

I saw that one with another one of DEC's OSs: RSX, I think. (The folks in Marlboro were sometimes more than a little nuts.)

#312 ::: Jo Walton ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 10:46 AM:

Heavy plant crossing.

Concealed entrance. (What, they went to all that trouble hiding their secret base and now you're telling me about it?)

Oncoming vehicles may be in centre of road.

Weak bridge.

Holiday route.

Land Reclamation Scheme. (I had to go past that one on the way to school every day for years -- they were very slow about reclaiming it -- and every day I thought not in the name of the Lords of Gondor, but of the King Elessar, and felt my heart lift just a little.)

Slow: You are entering Trap. (It's a village in Wales. I went there with James Nicoll once.)

Also, in Europe when you get warnings in all languages, it tells you DO NOT and VERBOTEN and NE PAS but in Italian "E Periculoso" -- "It is dangerous" -- advice, not a command. The first time I saw that, on a train from Calais to Paris, I sat daydreaming about how nice Italy must be, and whether I could deduce the modern form of the language from an extensive knowledge of Latin and one sentence about how dangerous it would be to lean out of the window. (Short answer: better than you'd think, but still the subject of much hilarity.)

#313 ::: Sarah S ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 11:03 AM:

Carrie S.

Don't forget:

Attach new ball of yarn. Working both sides at once, dec 1 st at beg of every 3rd row 4 times then 2 sts every 6th row 7 times. Dec 1 st at end of each row 24 times at the same time.

#314 ::: Teresa Nielsen Hayden ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 11:28 AM:

What is that, a raglan sleeve?

#315 ::: P J Evans ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 11:34 AM:

Teresa, I can't figure it out either. All the sleeves I've worked have had symmetrical shaping, including the one raglan-sleeved sweater I made. (Cable-patterned and seamless at the same time. It got ... interesting.)

#316 ::: Teresa Nielsen Hayden ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 11:35 AM:

-ASHTRAY-
--TRASH--


(Bilingualism in action!)

#317 ::: Teresa Nielsen Hayden ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 11:38 AM:

Sounds pretty. I wish I'd saved the pattern I once saw that had a seamless vertically cabled yoke where the shoulder shaping was a natural property of the cables used.

#318 ::: Sarah S ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 11:41 AM:

Teresa and PJ

I was just making up the pattern as an example of my least favorite type of instruction--you know, where they give it all to you and *then* mention you're meant to be doing it all at once, rather than sequentially.

#319 ::: Greg London ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 11:45 AM:

Notice: Napalm may or may not smell like victory in the morning.

#320 ::: Serge ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 11:45 AM:

a seamless vertically cabled yoke where the shoulder shaping was a natural property of the cables used

Sounds like a sailing ship's rigging.

#321 ::: Greg London ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 11:46 AM:

Danger! Point blade end away from body before activating light saber.

#322 ::: Greg London ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 11:48 AM:

Warning: Enemy may be able to penetrate sheilds by "modulating frequencies". Shields should not be used as a substitute for battle planning. Diplomacy may also work. Results may vary.

#323 ::: Sarah S ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 11:53 AM:

#317 TNH, Annie Modesitt had something like that in a previous Interweave Knits. Color choices were dreadful, and it didn't fit the model well, but the sweater was potentially very pretty. (Sounds like the vicar's egg, I know.)

#324 ::: Serge ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 11:59 AM:

(Conversation between me and my boss today regarding the Project That Wouldn't Die)

SHE: "Do you anticipate any further issues?"

ME (with sarcasm subroutine turned off): "No. If I did, I'd take care of them."

#325 ::: joann ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 12:03 PM:

Dip

Cross Traffic Ahead

Rough Road Ahead

Use Other Door

#326 ::: John Houghton ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 12:06 PM:

P J Evans (311) re:
Clifford Royston ( 266):
. MAKE LOVE
not war?
*
Goes back at least to TOPS-10 sometime in the 60s. Part of the command-line genealogy goes something like:
OS-8 -> TOPS-10 -> RSX -> VMS -> MS-DOS
Steve "Slug" Russell would know.

#327 ::: Serge ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 12:09 PM:

(road sign)

Hump.

#328 ::: P J Evans ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 12:09 PM:

Sarah S:
Of course we're going to read it and try it in our heads. (Genealogy people read the names and places in sample screens: 'Do I know any of these people?') It's a hazard of serious interests.

#329 ::: candle ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 12:10 PM:

cave canem
caveat emptor
noli me tangere

E pericoloso sporgersi

(the last as pointed out already by Jo at #312; but did you know it is the title of Wendy Cope's parody of Peter Porter in Making Cocoa for Kingsley Amis? Phew, multiple threads now tied together.)

#330 ::: Serge ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 12:14 PM:

E pericoloso sporgersi

"It is dangerous to lean over."
Right, candle?

#331 ::: ajay ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 12:18 PM:

DULL

(road sign in Scotland - there is a village called Dull)

#332 ::: candle ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 12:23 PM:

BORING - see "Civil Engineers"

Serge: "it is dangerous to lean out" is the intention - it's more obvious in context, written underneath the windows of trains.

#333 ::: Serge ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 12:31 PM:

Close enough but no cigar, candle?

#334 ::: Lizzy L ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 12:46 PM:

My favorite road sign is in San Francisco; at the crest of one of those stunning, nearly vertical streets, the sign which reads HILL has been altered: the word HILL is crossed out, and below it someone has printed CLIFF.

I don't know if it's still there. It was there 30 years ago. I hope so.

#335 ::: Greg London ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 12:47 PM:

These are not the droids you are looking for.

#336 ::: Greg London ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 12:49 PM:

Warning: Do not submerge Predator (tm) cloaking suit in water.

#337 ::: Sarah S ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 01:11 PM:

#328 Of course! (If it helps your mental image, I was envisioning doing the armhole and v-neck shaping on a sweater front.)

#338 ::: P J Evans ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 01:14 PM:

Ah, now I see it! (The one time I did a V-neck, it was every nth row all the way to the shoulder line, but it was also a pullover.)

#339 ::: Rachel ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 01:17 PM:

高压电请勿触

请勿用于洗涤丝质或毛料衣物

Most Chinese warning labels are very polite:
"High-voltage electricity. Please don't touch."
"Please don't use when washing silk or wool garments."

...

Less than 1% insect parts.

#340 ::: Jon Meltzer ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 01:35 PM:

Caution: depressed storm drains.

[And I had thought the Merritt Parkway was intended for pleasure driving.]

#341 ::: moon_custafer ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 01:36 PM:

Sign in the stairwells of the Robarts Research Library, U of Toronto campus:

NOT AN EMERGENCY EXIT

Graffiti'd comments beneath:

Ceçi n'est pas une pipe
It's not an asparagus either
That's not funny
I refute it thus! cried Dr J, escaping down the stairwell
Neither a bannister nor a ladder be


(Actually the sign is correct - there's a grill at the 9th floor that stops you from going any further. I have no idea how you're supposed to get out of Robarts in the event of emergency.)

#342 ::: Nancy C ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 01:55 PM:

I always liked the graffiti in the stairwells that had an anarchist A, and the word, "Resist!"

Underneath, someone scrawled, "No!"

#343 ::: dan ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 02:01 PM:

Verify flow
(last line in the instructions for an IV pump)

#344 ::: Peter Erwin ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 02:51 PM:

Jo Walton (#312) and Rachel (#339):

I was always amused at the subtle difference in standard announcements -- repeated in both Spanish and English -- at Spanish airports.

English: "Please do not leave baggage unattended."
Spanish: "Rogamos mantengan sus pertenencias controladas en todos momentos." ("We request that you keep your belongings under control at all times.")

#345 ::: Carrie S. ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 02:53 PM:

One that may be unique to Carnegie Mellon:
"Do not put caps in holes!"

See, CMU has this building called Wean Hall, a beautiful example of the concrete-block school of architechture. Anywhere the interior walls are not covered, such as the stairwells, there are these little holes in the concrete slabs; I assume they're to allow for the bit ox expansion and contraction that the walls go through over time with temperature changes and whatnot.

However, the holes are exactly the right size to shove plastic twist-off bottle caps into. If the theory about allowing for expansion is correct, the caps prevent the holes from performing their job. Hence, the signs.

There are also a bunch of exposed pipes in those stairwells. For a while there was a fad for sticking "Ceci n'est pas une pipe" stickers on them.

#346 ::: Stefan Jones ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 03:23 PM:

Another feature of Wean Hall:

It was right next to Dorothy (?) Hall. There were several connecting corridors. But the floors didn't match, so you'd go from Wean Hall's 5th floor to something like Dorothy's 1st floor. (It's been eight years, but that's about right.)

Also, sometimes you'd run into robots there. Which led a friend and I to create a crime warning poster alerting students to the danger of robots stealing indian box lunches.

#347 ::: Susan ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 03:30 PM:

(road sign in Scotland - there is a village called Dull)

Road sign in western Pennsylvania:

"Distant Volunteer Fire Department" with an arrow pointing off to the right.

#348 ::: Susan ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 03:30 PM:

Do not visualize.

If you must visualize, use Claymation.

#349 ::: Carrie S. ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 03:46 PM:

It was right next to Dorothy (?) Hall.

Doherty.

There were several connecting corridors. But the floors didn't match, so you'd go from Wean Hall's 5th floor to something like Dorothy's 1st floor. (It's been eight years, but that's about right.)

The Doherty team always has a significant advantage in Capture the Flag with Stuff matches. Doherty is so convoluted and weird that even people who are in there regularly can easily get confused; Wean has eight floors of boxy-figure-eight hallways with a couple of short extensions.

#350 ::: Fragano Ledgister ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 04:29 PM:

Shady (a road sign in Ulster County, NY, indicating that you are in the hamlet of Shady).

#351 ::: Leigh Butler ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 04:39 PM:

A friend used to work at the front desk of the "jock" dorm at LSU, which was, apparently, desperately boring. One day she made a sign to put over the water fountain in the lobby:

"Warning: this water contains hydrogen."

Then she amused herself for hours watching how many guys would come up to the fountain, read the sign, hesitate, and then walk away without drinking. Ah, higher education.

#352 ::: Jo Walton ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 04:54 PM:

This door is alarmed.

#353 ::: Serge ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 05:07 PM:

Susan @ 348... If you must visualize, use Claymation.

...as long as you're not a kid. Weren't you creeped out a bit by Gumby and Pokey when you were a mere slip of a child?

#354 ::: Aconite ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 05:12 PM:

Serge: Weren't you creeped out a bit by Gumby and Pokey when you were a mere slip of a child?

Gumby and Pokey, hell. I was wigged out by those scary-assed Christmas specials like the one with the elf who pulls the Abominable Snowman's tooth, and the Easter one involving green eggs and time travel.

#355 ::: ethan ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 05:37 PM:

About altered signs...

My favorite part of the Oberlin College campus is a sign in a parking lot that says, "NO PARKING FIRE LANE." Someone took a red marker and wrote, very carefully so you almost don't notice it's not part of the original sign, a P before and a T after LANE, so now it reads "NO PARKING FIRE PLANET." Whoever did that must be absolutely amazing at Scrabble.

#356 ::: Susan ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 05:40 PM:

Serge:

Weren't you creeped out a bit by Gumby and Pokey when you were a mere slip of a child?

Um...I don't think I knew anything about them. I have a vague visual image of Gumby, but I still have no idea what Pokey is. Were these television critters? If so, I'm not likely to have been exposed to them.

#357 ::: MD² ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 05:42 PM:

Teresa Nielsen Hayden : "-ASHTRAY-"

a) Thanks.

b) Give me five seconds that I may stop blushing like an idiot.

c) It used to be that in case of doubt, typing in google would give me the right answer.

Since we're adding graffiti, I have to quote this one spotted during last year's riots in France, in front of a burnt car: "Vous ne voyez le mal que l'on fait que parce qu'il est déjà en vous".

I was very impressed by this one. Too bad I didn't have a camera.

I don't even dare to try translating it now.

#358 ::: eric ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 05:46 PM:

Please do not vaccum cat.

#359 ::: Serge ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 05:49 PM:

Susan... Use the link below and you'll be glad you were never exposed to Gumby as a child. His pal, Pokey the horse, was marginally less freaky.

http://www.gumbyworld.com/

#360 ::: Serge ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 06:00 PM:

MD... "Vous ne voyez le mal que l'on fait que parce qu'il est déjà en vous"

"You see only the evil that others do because it already is inside of you."

#361 ::: MD² ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 06:18 PM:

Serge: "You see only the evil that others do because it already is inside of you."

Thanks. I was going along the lines of "You only see the evil we do because it's already inside of you".

I guess I wasn't that far.

Since we're at possible mis-translation:

"Ne pas gerber."

#362 ::: Serge ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 06:25 PM:

Both translations work, MD. Yours is more colloquial.

'gerber'?

The noun 'gerbe' refers to a bundle of, for example, wheat. What was the context of this interdiction you came across? No bundling? Or maybe there's a more slangy meaning, probably crude.

#363 ::: P J Evans ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 06:40 PM:

Someone once altered a street sign for Allen Avenue to the (obvious) alternative name.

#364 ::: MD² ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 06:44 PM:

You'll find this one on cardboard boxes. It means "Do not stack up" (you guessed right, by extention of the original bundle sense). But that use of the verb gerber is pretty old, and very specialized. Nowadays the verb is mainly understood in the sense of "to puke". To the point that I had to explain to my little sister (aged 15 at the time) that, no, they weren't saying that you shouldn't puke in the cardboard boxes.

#365 ::: alsafi ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 07:00 PM:

PJ @ 363: ??

The obvious alternative is eluding me. But neither do I get Teresa's
-ASHTRAY-
--TRASH--

My pattern recognition software must be offline. Of course, it may have something to do with the fact I'm still at work.

#366 ::: Julie L. ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 07:05 PM:

From a bag of Trader Joe's garlic naan:

"Heating instructions: Warm in the microwave for 30 seconds, place in the toaster oven or wrap in aluminum foil and warm in a 300F oven."

I guess a toaster oven would fit into a regular one, if you took one of the racks out....

#367 ::: Serge ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 07:08 PM:

MD... 'gerber' meaning 'to puke'? I can see that. I mean, I'd rather not see that.

#368 ::: abi ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 07:23 PM:

asalfi @365

363: Alien

And:
-ASHTRAY-
--TRASH--

Inkthay inway Igpay Atinlay.

(It took me a while, too.)

#369 ::: Baylee ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 07:51 PM:

Oh really, kids these days just don't know where to draw the line,
Are there going to be consiquences for them?

#370 ::: vassilissa ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 09:23 PM:

No green egg people were harmed in the making of this motion picture.

#371 ::: Aquila ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 11:11 PM:

May contain dinosaurs, sodomy, or combinations thereof.

No warrior princesses were harmed in the creation of this blog.

#372 ::: Rob Rusick ::: (view all by) ::: December 13, 2006, 11:19 PM:

Susan @356: I have a vague visual image of Gumby, but I still have no idea what Pokey is. Were these television critters?

Definitely television critters. Here's a wikipedia link. Art Clokey, the animator who worked on these characters, did a series called Davey and Goliath, sponsored by the Lutheran Church (that and Three Stooges shorts were Sunday mornings for me). When I was ten, I got a tracing kit with a 40 watt bulb, and printed 'cels' of Gumby, Pokey, and various sets and props (for drawing your own adventures!). This was my introduction to the 'light table', and the first step down the road toward 'commercial art'.

#373 ::: Serge ::: (view all by) ::: December 14, 2006, 05:03 AM:

Rob... Did you ever see the Saturday Night Live skit with Eddie Murphy where we found that Gumby really was a green Jew? That was, to say the least, a very silly premise.

Speaking of Claymation... Whatever happened to Will Vinton?

#374 ::: Jakob ::: (view all by) ::: December 14, 2006, 05:53 AM:

Greg #302: My point was rather that the instruction 'front to enemy' can me ambiguous if you're not sure which side of the claymore is the front. Murphy's law and all that...

#375 ::: Dom ::: (view all by) ::: December 14, 2006, 08:10 AM:

NOTE: If you accessed this page without blogads you should be aware that this page is stolen property. It was reported as "unsold and destroyed" to the publisher, and neither the author nor the publisher has received any payment for this "stripped page."

#376 ::: Bruce E. Durocher II ::: (view all by) ::: December 14, 2006, 08:58 AM:

I know the daughter of the voice of Gumby and the designer of Pokey. Yes, she can do most of the voices. And yes, she did tell me that she once used the Gumby voice at an intimate moment to freak out a gentleman caller. Silly I know, but I feel the Something*Positive fan who trained herself to shout "I choose you, Pickachu!" during climax was sillier.

#377 ::: Nathan ::: (view all by) ::: December 14, 2006, 09:18 AM:

I'd like to shake the hand of whoever is running around NYC crossing out the "D" on the signs that read "No Honking Except For Danger".

And is it just me or is there something a little oxy-moronic about the Dunkin Donuts commercials that helpfully inform you that "Now you can order your Latte in English"?

#378 ::: Serge ::: (view all by) ::: December 14, 2006, 11:05 AM:

the daughter of the voice of Gumby and the designer of Pokey (...) once used the Gumby voice at an intimate moment to freak out a gentleman caller.

I'd find that a bit distracting, Bruce.

#379 ::: TexAnne ::: (view all by) ::: December 14, 2006, 11:06 AM:

"Vous ne voyez le mal que l'on fait que parce qu'il est déjà en vous"

Quoth the grammar teacher: Don't be fooled by the first "que." That's the subordinating conjunction. The second one is the other half of the limiting "ne...que" construction.

"You see the evil others do only because it is already in you."

#380 ::: Serge ::: (view all by) ::: December 14, 2006, 11:16 AM:

You're absolutely right, TexAnne. How embarassing for this humble person whose native language is French. I think I must have shifted the first 'que' earlier into the sentence when I read it. I shall now retire and see to the care of my wound. And I must go get a copy of Jim & Debra's novel.

#381 ::: Rob Rusick ::: (view all by) ::: December 14, 2006, 11:28 AM:

Serge, Art Clokey actually credits Murphy's SNL Gumby skits for reviving interest in the characters in the 80's. I recall Murphy and Piscipo doing a Gumby and Pokey reunion in the manner of The Sunshine Boys.

Davey and Goliath have had a revival, too. Here they appear in a Mountain Dew commercial.

For some evil entertainment, here's a link to a Mad TV parody of Davey and Goliath titled 'Davey and Son of Goliath' (ie. Son of Sam).

Will Vinton is still around, although he lost control of and was ousted from the studio he founded. Claymation was a term he trademarked, although it seems to have become a common word. He later worked with foam-based characters (notably, with Eddie Murphy, in The PJs) in a process he called Foamation. His shop did animations of the M&M characters using CGI.

#382 ::: Sarah S ::: (view all by) ::: December 14, 2006, 11:51 AM:

When I hear the word "Claymation" my autonomic nervous system requires me to say "Aardman Animation."

Okay. I feel better now.

#383 ::: Serge ::: (view all by) ::: December 14, 2006, 12:51 PM:

That's a shame, Rob, about Will Vinton. I think he made a movie I saw a few years ago, about Mark Twain in the last year of his life going into space with his literary creations (using a riverboat, of course) for an encounter with Halley's Comet.

#384 ::: baylee ::: (view all by) ::: December 14, 2006, 02:12 PM:

you never answered my question teresa, what happened to the children that were harrassing you

#385 ::: Rob Rusick ::: (view all by) ::: December 14, 2006, 02:16 PM:

Will Vinton is still active, ASAIK. He won back the right to his own name, from the company he had originally founded; Vinton Studios was renamed Laika Entertainment House, and Vinton started up a new facility, Will Vinton's Freewill Entertainment.

#386 ::: Stefan Jones ::: (view all by) ::: December 14, 2006, 02:25 PM:

As of a year or two back Art Clokey's son was trying to get funding for new episodes of "Davey and Goliath," which despite being a religious kids' show was not bad.

For the most part, it involves Davey being a jerk (dissing deaf kid, nosing around shop belonging to inarticulate newcomer, losing his father's skis, vandalizing rest area) and learning better.

Art Clokey is "in good health for his age but no longer makes public appearances," which suggests he may be gently out of it in the way many old men are.

#387 ::: Jules ::: (view all by) ::: December 14, 2006, 02:45 PM:

#128 (and somebody else later): Contains phenylalanine.

This one bugs me. Stuff that says that almost invariably *doesn't* contain phenylalanine. It contains aspartame, which can be converted by the body into phenylalanine.

#388 ::: Rob Rusick ::: (view all by) ::: December 14, 2006, 03:24 PM:

Steve Jones @386: Yeah, Davey and Goliath taught morals and empathy by showing how your actions impacted on others. No need to invoke the baby Jesus to make the point (and to do so would detract from the lesson).

#389 ::: Xopher ::: (view all by) ::: December 14, 2006, 03:30 PM:

Jules, according to this, aspartame is aspartic acid and the methyl ester of phenylalanine. If your objection is that it's the methyl ester, that's a minor point. If it's that only half the molecule is phenylalanine...isn't that like saying "It doesn't contain sodium, it contains salt, which can be converted into sodium by the body"?

In any case, people with PKU need that warning, and...well, can you think of a short, simple way to say that? Right now it's three words (two of them pretty long). You could say "Phenylketonurics: Drink it and die," I suppose.

I guess my point is that it may not be strictly accurate, but it's about as good as it gets, given the constraints involved.

#390 ::: Greg London ::: (view all by) ::: December 14, 2006, 03:36 PM:

#381 Davey and Goliath have had a revival, too. Here they appear in a Mountain Dew commercial.

Too funny. Did that actually appear on TV? Hearing Davey say "We got hosed" just made my day.

#391 ::: Joe J ::: (view all by) ::: December 14, 2006, 03:48 PM:

Greg, I remeber seeing that Davey and Goliath comercial on TV. I think that watching that comercial was the first time I had thought about that show since I was 10.

Now, if you're looking for claymation humor on TV, you could watch Moral Orel on Adult Swim (Link), which is a kind of Davey and Goliath parody. I've only seen a few episodes of it, since it is on after my bedtime, but it is pretty harsh but funny Christian satire.

#392 ::: Serge ::: (view all by) ::: December 14, 2006, 03:58 PM:

So, Eddie Murphy's SNL skit caused the rebirth of Gumby? Interesting. I wonder if the otherwise-blah Roger Rabbit led to the return of Droopy Dog? When my 4-year-old nephew visits grandma,she has to play the DVD of "Wags to Riches" for him. The kid sometimes even imitates Droopy's deadpan way of talking.

#393 ::: Greg London ::: (view all by) ::: December 14, 2006, 04:07 PM:

Moral Orel on Adult Swim

Moral Orel is good stuff.
So is Robot Chicken.
Aqua Teen Hunger Force has sort of petered out for me.

#394 ::: Greg London ::: (view all by) ::: December 14, 2006, 04:08 PM:

Oh, and Venture Brothers is fricken hilarious.

#395 ::: Joe J ::: (view all by) ::: December 14, 2006, 05:09 PM:

I love the Venture Brothers! (There was that one episode recently with the 12 foot tall watcher/alien with a speaker box hanging from it's neck that kept loudly explaining it was only an observer. Then, it would scream, "Ignore me!" I just laughed my ass off over that.)

That's some good twisted fun. And, yes, I agree ATHF has gone downhill.

#396 ::: JESR ::: (view all by) ::: December 14, 2006, 05:23 PM:

Thanks, abi, for the direct to this page, as it has been an anodyne to care.

I often need warning signs which can't be bought retail, and therefore make my own:

Warning: Entering Bovine Zone. Watch where you put your feet.

Reality: Subject to Change Without Notice (that one keeps getting swiped)

#397 ::: P J Evans ::: (view all by) ::: December 14, 2006, 05:27 PM:

I put a sign on my computer at work:

Mind Reading Service Is Not Available At This Time

I get tired of other people expecting me to know what they were thinking two weeks earlier.

(The other sign is Doing It Wrong Sixteen Times Is Not Job Security, Because QC Will Kill You After The Fourth Time)

#398 ::: abi ::: (view all by) ::: December 14, 2006, 05:32 PM:

PJ Evans @397

I sit facing a window, and I have a desk lamp (it's a Seasonal Affective Disorder thing). This means that there is a slight reflection even during the brief winter days.

I'll often glance up from my screen and say the name of the person coming up behind me, before turning my chair round. I know it's just reflections, but everyone else thinks it's slightly eldrich.

I am not complaining.

#399 ::: MD² ::: (view all by) ::: December 14, 2006, 06:23 PM:

TexAnne: Quoth the grammar teacher: Don't be fooled by the first "que." That's the subordinating conjunction. The second one is the other half of the limiting "ne...que" construction.

"You see the evil others do only because it is already in you."

The negation/limitation is in the "ne" (in the "ne ... pas", "ne... plus", etc, doublets the second word used to be a facultative defining complement, it is a anomaly of modern french that the "ne" may now sometimes disappear instead of its complement), and the "ne" cannot but be applied on the verb "voir". At least that's how I see it.

When I hear the word "Claymation" my autonomic nervous system requires me to say "Aardman Animation."

Mine cannot but think Douglas TenNapel

#400 ::: Serge ::: (view all by) ::: December 14, 2006, 06:40 PM:

MD... Have you ever put the original American edition of a novel next to its French translation? Notice how much longer the French text is. My native language is definitely not known for concision. To say the least.

#401 ::: MD² ::: (view all by) ::: December 14, 2006, 06:51 PM:

Mmmmm... Serge, I do agree, from personal observation, but I'm not really seeing what you're trying to say here.

And for info, my native language is french (or to be perfectly exact soninke + woolof + french... don't ask me anything on the two former though, like a typicaly caricatural second generation French immigrant, my level is very poor).

I'm trying to find the source from which I'm remembering that note on negation. Not Littré's "Pathologie verbale ou Lésions de certains mots dans le cours de l'usage". I could have sworn though.

#402 ::: Susan ::: (view all by) ::: December 14, 2006, 07:23 PM:

Rob @ #372:

I do remember Davey and Goliath. Mostly I remember not liking them and thinking that Sunday morning cartoons were just not up to the Saturday ones.

#403 ::: Greg London ::: (view all by) ::: December 14, 2006, 07:31 PM:

I think my favorite Venture Brothers episode was the yard sale. There was another one that sort of spoofed the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen that was really good, if for no other reason than it had an amazingly complex plot for a cartoon. Another one had the bad guy "Phantom Limb" team up with Brock, I can't remember why, but Phantom Limb throws himself down in front of some guards screaming "My god, I've lost my legs!" to distract them, then Brock comes in and punches them both out.

Oh, and any scene with the Monarch's (ex?) girlfriend, the femme fatale with a voice that sounds like a beefy guy from brooklyn.

Good stuff all around.

#404 ::: Stefan Jones ::: (view all by) ::: December 14, 2006, 07:44 PM:

Having a MythTV system has encouraged me to record more Adult Swim stuff.

I like offbeat animation, but an awful lot of it is nasty garbage I have no patience for. Maybe it's meant to be viewed while stoned, or high on whatever brain chemical makes teen boys nihilistic and resentful.

I hope they do more episodes of the Hawkman spoof. That was brilliant.

#405 ::: Marilee ::: (view all by) ::: December 14, 2006, 08:10 PM:

Baylee, afraid you'll join them?

#406 ::: TexAnne ::: (view all by) ::: December 14, 2006, 08:23 PM:

MD2, #399: I know that arguing with a native speaker is dangerous, but I also know I'm right. "Ne" may be dropped, but the second term can never be dropped. "Je te comprends pas" is not the same as "je te comprends," and "je ne te comprends" isn't a meaningful sentence. The "ne" goes in front of the conjugated verb, yes, but the meaning of the "only" comes from the second "que," which is placed in front of the term being limited, i.e. "parce que."

#407 ::: Sharon M ::: (view all by) ::: December 14, 2006, 08:39 PM:

Venture Brothers! Dr. Girlfriend for the win, definitely. Also seconding Robot Chicken. Moral Orel is hit or miss. And they're halfway through scripting for the new season of Futurama, yay.

I can't comment on the relative quality of ATHF, though, as I lack a Y chromosome. Or maybe I'm too old? Regardless, I do not get it.

#408 ::: MD² ::: (view all by) ::: December 14, 2006, 08:44 PM:

Well, "je ne te comprends" is no more a meaningful sentence. It used to be the correct one (I think one the rare case you might still ear it nowadays is in verse, generally felt as a kind of archaism. See the translation of Bilbo's song in french "Et où alors ? Je ne saurais le dire." if I remember well). That was my whole point. The use, and then overemphasis on the second word of the doublet has been progressive, and in a way is a kind of aberration. I think/feel that the core of the negation/limitation still is the "ne".

For all I know I may be wrong.

I'm not arguing, mind you. I'm just giving my opinion and reasons. I've long renounced making translation my job for obvious reasons.

#409 ::: TexAnne ::: (view all by) ::: December 14, 2006, 09:20 PM:

MD2, it's posssible that we're violently agreeing, except for the part about "ne" still being the important part. (It's entirely unused in most speech, and in a generation or two it will be utterly obsolete except in the most formal writing.) "Savoir" and "pouvoir" are exceptions--they're the only verbs which can still take the "ne" as the entire negation.

#410 ::: Dave Luckett ::: (view all by) ::: December 14, 2006, 09:26 PM:

MDsquared, TexAnne: And here's me, totally defeated by the construction "l'on fait", translating it:

"You don't see the evil that one does, because it is already in you",

which makes no sense at all. It sounds as though the writer meant something like "We don't see the evil we do, because it is already part of us," but there's something wonky about his or her grammmar. Which is not the case.

#411 ::: Xopher ::: (view all by) ::: December 14, 2006, 09:42 PM:

baylee, they were banned from here, and Teresa complained to their school administration. They counted on the internet to be anonymous, which it isn't unless you take some fairly elaborate and specific steps to make it so.

Unless you're one of them under another name (that is, a "sockpuppet"), I predict (it's not my site) that you'll be welcome here as long as you're polite.

#412 ::: TexAnne ::: (view all by) ::: December 14, 2006, 10:03 PM:

Dave: Here's the original again. ""Vous ne voyez le mal que l'on fait que parce qu'il est déjà en vous."

What's probably hanging you up is the "ne...que" construction. (That's what always gives my students trouble, anyway.) It means "only," and the "ne" part is there to signify that this is formal speech. "L'on" is a literary form of "on," which in this context needs to be translated as "they" or "people." So, "you see the evil that others do only because it is already in you."

Does that make more sense? If not, we should probably take it to email.

#413 ::: MD² ::: (view all by) ::: December 14, 2006, 10:13 PM:

Variation on the original sentence for both Texanne and Dave Luckett's pleasure:

Vous ne verrez le mal que l'on fait qu'il ne soit déjà en vous.

Feels a tad arcaich, you more than probably wouldn't ear it, but it's perfectly fitting in written form. Chances are we're violently agreeing. ^_^"

Been toying around with sentences just to see; maybe looking at things in this order will help clarify the whole thing (in the end it may just be a matter of bad appreciation of the english sentence on my part ?):

a) Vous ne prenez la seconde que parce que la première est indisponible.

a') You're only taking the second one because you can't take the first one.

b) Vous ne prenez celle que tout le monde prend que parce l'autre est indisponible

b') You're only taking the one everybody takes because you can't take the other one.

"L'on" is a literary form of "on," which in this context needs to be translated as "they" or "people."

Or "we" (would more likely be "on" than "l'on" for this translation, but quite often you'll hear "l'on" because in context it's easier to pronounce than "on", or because it marks the level of language).

Anyway, I'll stop there. Brought too much thread pollution for too little.

#414 ::: Dave Luckett ::: (view all by) ::: December 14, 2006, 11:36 PM:

TexAnne, thank you. I think I understand. My ignorance would appall you. God knows it is enough to embarrass me.

#415 ::: ethan ::: (view all by) ::: December 15, 2006, 03:04 AM:

#392, Serge: "otherwise blah"?!?!?!?!

Roger Rabbit is one of the best movies that ever happened, and I will accept no arguments on that.

Er...I mean...we're all entitled to our opinions.

#416 ::: Serge ::: (view all by) ::: December 15, 2006, 06:26 AM:

ethan... I should have skipped the all-encompassing pronouncement from on high, and should have instead written that Roger Rabbit didn't work for me. I'm not sure why. I grew up on cartoons and in fact, the Bugs Bunny / Road Runner Hour at 5pm on Saturdays is where I practiced my grasp of English. Maybe I should try again. It has been 20 years.

#417 ::: Rob Rusick ::: (view all by) ::: December 15, 2006, 01:23 PM:

I picked up a copy of Who Censored Roger Rabbit (by Gary Wolf) at a library book sale the past week; haven't got started on it yet. It was the starting point for Who Framed Roger Rabbit, but I understand the movie is substantially different.

When Who Framed Roger Rabbit was shown at the Dryden Theatre (part of the Eastman House museum) some months back, one of the points made in introductory comments* was that it was produced because Disney had made the decision to revitalize their animation department. It was a challenging project, but short of a fully animated feature film, and it gave them an opportunity to re-organize staff and departments, and to recruit and train new animators. Who Framed Roger Rabbit was released in 1988; The Little Mermaid was released in 1989.

* This is a tradition with films shown at the Dryden. There are always some opening comments about the film, given by students, staff, or sometimes even someone involved with the creation of the film.

#418 ::: baylee ::: (view all by) ::: December 15, 2006, 05:24 PM:

no of course im not one of them under a differnet name, but im sorry im posting off topic things.

#419 ::: Jules ::: (view all by) ::: December 15, 2006, 05:38 PM:

Xopher #389:

In any case, people with PKU need that warning, and...well, can you think of a short, simple way to say that? Right now it's three words (two of them pretty long). You could say "Phenylketonurics: Drink it and die," I suppose.

The standard formulation used over here in the UK is "Contains a source of phenylalenine", which is a few words longer, but is as easy to understand (assuming you know why this is a bad thing) and is accurate.

#420 ::: P J Evans ::: (view all by) ::: December 15, 2006, 05:50 PM:

Not quite OT:
Seen on captive-audience screen in elevator;

'Black & Decker shares get hammered'

First thought: Shouldn't they have been drilled?

#421 ::: Linkmeister ::: (view all by) ::: December 15, 2006, 07:54 PM:

P J @ #420, or toasted? Or trimmed (I have B&D electric hedge trimmers)?

#422 ::: Marilee ::: (view all by) ::: December 15, 2006, 09:21 PM:

I have a B&D toaster oven. It's just like the GE toaster oven I had before.

#423 ::: Larry Brennan ::: (view all by) ::: December 15, 2006, 09:30 PM:

Linkmeister @ 421: 420, or toasted?

Snork. Even sheltered lil' ol' me finds that amusing. Undoubtedly unintentional, but still.

#424 ::: squrfle ::: (view all by) ::: December 15, 2006, 09:31 PM:

Passenger vehicles are encouraged to AVOID THE DAN RYAN by using public transportation, the Chicago Skyway or alternate routes.

#425 ::: Clifton Royston ::: (view all by) ::: December 15, 2006, 09:59 PM:

baylee: It's quite apparent (to me) you're not part of that group; you are engaging in conversation with us. That means first, that you recognize this as a social forum, and second, that you know how to be civil and civilized. As to off-topic, by now half the thread is on classic animation and the other half is on French grammar. Seems pretty typical.

#426 ::: Teresa Nielsen Hayden ::: (view all by) ::: December 15, 2006, 10:35 PM:

This topic's drifted into the yonder blue. It's good manners to drift with it.

#427 ::: Glenn Hauman ::: (view all by) ::: December 16, 2006, 12:38 AM:

Topics are sold by weight, not volume. Some comments may have drifted during shipping. For additional volume, adjust your stereo.

#428 ::: Linkmeister ::: (view all by) ::: December 16, 2006, 12:39 AM:

From the label on a bottle of hydrogen peroxide I bought today:

For external use only

(two rows down and to the right):

For oral debride (Oral rinse)

#429 ::: ethan ::: (view all by) ::: December 16, 2006, 07:18 AM:

Serge 416: Hope you didn't take my stunned response too seriously. But...well, I would give it another try if I were you. Maybe watch Chinatown and Roger Rabbit back to back. Sometimes when I'm sick I do that to cheer myself up.

Rob Rusick 417: That's kind of really interesting (about the internal Disney stuff, I mean)...do you know where I could find anything else on that, by any chance? It's too bad that's all down the drain now because of style-less computer animation. But of course that's also just my opinion.

I've been meaning to read Who Censored Roger Rabbit for a while now. How's it looking?

#430 ::: Neil Willcox ::: (view all by) ::: December 16, 2006, 09:12 AM:

1. Uphold the Law
2. Do not feed after Midnight
3. This Product must protect it's own existence, except where this conflicts with the 1st or 2nd rule

#431 ::: joann ::: (view all by) ::: December 16, 2006, 01:36 PM:

Observe Warning Signs -- State Law

#432 ::: Bruce E. Durocher II ::: (view all by) ::: December 16, 2006, 06:34 PM:

I'll have to go into the big Animation shelf (they think I'm kidding. Ask my wife.) and check, but I believe the info about Disney doing the animation for Roger Rabbit to get back up to speed may be in error: Richard Williams and his studio did most of the animation under contract if I remember correctly, not Disney. (The guy doing Bugs had a hellish time doing his part of the Bugs/Mickey cameo, because the guy who did Mickey--in a dead-on Fred Ward style--wouldn't show him what he was working on. He ended up begging for info: "Just show me frame 176 so I know which way Bugs should be facing!")

I know the contract negotiations were difficult: the final result ended up being that Disney and Warner Bros. characters in any scene had to be of equal rank, with no studio coming out ahead. The effects footage shot for the piano battle between Donald and Daffy is a good example since Frank Marshall said he shot about five more minutes with Daffy using his Clampett era screwball powers against Donald's temper, but Disney decided that the full version had Daffy giving Donald a smackdown so the end of the sequence was cut. It also explains why Tink appears right after Porky closes the film: can't have a Warner's character closing the film funded by Disney!

Oh, and the copyright holder for Felix refused to let him be used because they were working on a 3D animated project that would be much, much better than anything from Amblin and Disney (I think it went straight to video). Felix was snuck in, however: look carefully at the keystone of the entrance to Toontown.

And the director took moderate heat over Wile E. Coyote and the Road Runner appearing in the crowd scene at the end of the film because it takes place a year before their first film. He overrode the continuity people because he wanted those two in his film, dammit, and they were going to be there.

#433 ::: TexAnne ::: (view all by) ::: December 16, 2006, 06:36 PM:

Dave, 414: I'm glad I could help. And no, I don't think I'd be appalled by your ignorance...you like learning things, after all, which makes you much more pleasant company than many of my students.

#434 ::: Rob Rusick ::: (view all by) ::: December 16, 2006, 09:03 PM:

ethan @429: That's kind of really interesting (about the internal Disney stuff, I mean)...do you know where I could find anything else on that, by any chance?

Well, Wikipedia is about as good as anything I have access to. Here is a link to a master page of their articles on Disney theatrical animated features (although Who Framed Roger Rabbit is not included on that page).

Animated Movies used to have a lot of interesting and informative essays, but it apparently hasn't been updated since 2003, and all that seems to remain is a links page (there are a lot of interesting links, but I wouldn't count of them being current). There is a selector at the top of the page (Learn more about the animated movie of your choice...), but all that does is reload the main page into the menu frame. I mention it, because maybe its proprietor will dust it off someday.

Cartoon Brew is an excellent and well-regarded site (frequently updated) about all aspects of animation art.

It's too bad that's all down the drain now because of style-less computer animation. But of course that's also just my opinion.

My understanding is that John Lasseter is championing 2D animation at Disney; check out the wikipedia entry for The Frog Princess.

I've been meaning to read Who Censored Roger Rabbit for a while now. How's it looking?

I liked it. Very different from the movie in plot and feel; more noir and surreal (for instance, when toons talk, you see their word balloons). No mention is made of animated features; the popular toons work in comic strips. Eddie Valiant, Roger Rabbit, Jessica Rabbit, and Baby Herman are the only characters carried over into the movie, and the movie introduced plenty of new characters. I don't imagine if the movie had been made directly from the novel, it would have been as popular, but the novel was enjoyable on its own terms.

Bruce E. Durocher II @432: I'll have to go into the big Animation shelf [..] and check, but I believe the info about Disney doing the animation for Roger Rabbit to get back up to speed may be in error [..]

You're probably right, especially if you have a big Animation shelf :) Too bad, I liked my story; any chance people working with Richard Williams were subsequently recruited by Disney? In my defense, I was telling the story as I heard it.

And the director took moderate heat over Wile E. Coyote and the Road Runner appearing in the crowd scene at the end of the film because it takes place a year before their first film. He overrode the continuity people because he wanted those two in his film, dammit, and they were going to be there.

The excuse given for this was those characters existed as toons in Toontown, before they were first filmed for cartoons.

#435 ::: Susan ::: (view all by) ::: December 16, 2006, 09:04 PM:

#421, 422:

I have a Black and Decker lawnmower!

#436 ::: Rob Rusick ::: (view all by) ::: December 16, 2006, 09:09 PM:

Not to go on All-Fours

Not to suck up Drink

Not to eat Fish or Flesh

Not to claw the Bark of Trees

Not to chase other Men

#437 ::: Carol Kimball ::: (view all by) ::: December 16, 2006, 09:29 PM:

Vote early and often.

(on a carton my sister received):
Lamp Oil - Non-flammable

Her comment: "oh, darn, we wanted the flammable kind."

#438 ::: Carol Kimball ::: (view all by) ::: December 16, 2006, 09:38 PM:

Sorry - first was slogan, not ad.

#439 ::: Rob Rusick ::: (view all by) ::: December 16, 2006, 10:00 PM:

Mine wasn't a product admonition either, but I thought it was okay to riff.

#440 ::: P J Evans ::: (view all by) ::: December 16, 2006, 10:06 PM:

We have made every effort to ensure that these instructions are accurate and complete. We cannot, however, be responsible for human error, typographical mistakes, or variations in individual work.

#441 ::: Avocado ::: (view all by) ::: December 16, 2006, 10:53 PM:

Via slashdot, it's The 10 Most Dangerous Playthings of All Time.

(Products are not guaranteed to be the most dangerous. For entertainment purposes only.)

#442 ::: Eric ::: (view all by) ::: December 16, 2006, 11:27 PM:

Non toccare i fili. Pericolo di morte.

#443 ::: ethan ::: (view all by) ::: December 17, 2006, 06:06 AM:

Bruce #432: I think we probably all have our "shelves." Animation's a good one.

Rob #434: Oh, I really hope The Frog Princess actually happens. I honestly don't even really like Disney, not even classic Disney, but this total devotion to 3D computer nonsense drives me crazy.

Gonna spend some time looking through all those links...

#444 ::: adamsj ::: (view all by) ::: December 17, 2006, 09:13 AM:

Play at maximum volume.

#445 ::: adamsj ::: (view all by) ::: December 17, 2006, 09:21 AM:

Carrie S., re: #116:

No, I haven't, though my wife, and her mother, and her brother-in-law are. I was simply reliving pleasant moments from my youth.

#446 ::: Serge ::: (view all by) ::: December 17, 2006, 04:51 PM:

Yesterday, we stopped by the Chili's in Flagstaff, Arizona, during lunch. Their parking lot had a sign warning people that the to-go section is to be used only for pickup, and for no more than 10 minutes.

The others will be crushed and melted.

You Arizonans are not to be trifled with, eh, Faren?

#447 ::: Rob Rusick ::: (view all by) ::: December 17, 2006, 04:57 PM:

ethan @443: Gonna spend some time looking through all those links...

I did send an email off to the guy who ran the Animated Movies site I mentioned, to see if his essays and reviews were available else. He responded 'unfortunately no', but recommended these sites:

   Animated News
   TAG (The Animation Guild) Blog
   Jim Hill Media

#448 ::: Rob Rusick ::: (view all by) ::: December 17, 2006, 05:16 PM:

... available elsewhere ...

#449 ::: Faren Miller ::: (view all by) ::: December 18, 2006, 09:50 AM:

Serge (#446): Gee, I don't think Prescott has signs like that. Flagstaffers must be grumpier. Maybe it's all the snow -- or lack of it, this year. (A few days ago, the forecast for Sunday in Prescott was 70% chance of snow. We got zilch, and the mountains around Flagstaff got a mere dusting. Pretty from here, though!)

#450 ::: Serge ::: (view all by) ::: December 18, 2006, 09:53 AM:

Snow indeed is pretty to look at, Faren. Living in it? I'll pass. Been there, done that.

#451 ::: Faren Miller ::: (view all by) ::: December 18, 2006, 09:54 AM:

(Of course Prescott is supposedly a "Christmas City," so maybe we're obliged to be polite!)

#452 ::: cd ::: (view all by) ::: December 18, 2006, 11:09 AM:

Play loud or not at all.

CONSUME
OBEY
BE SILENT
DIE

There is no "here", here.

#453 ::: Bruce E. Durocher II ::: (view all by) ::: December 18, 2006, 11:27 AM:

Rob Rusick:

any chance people working with Richard Williams were subsequently recruited by Disney?

Depends: I can't remember if the production was in the UK where Williams was headquartered, but Disney might have been willing to hire anyone who relocated. The director of The Triplets of Belleville recently commented that one of the best animators on the project has gone into tattooing because he couldn't get enough animation work to live on.

And don't forget Cartoon Brew for current gossip and animation history. Jerry Beck is an outstanding animation historian, and if it wasn't for Cartoon Brew I'd never have learned about Disney's anti-VD film of the 70's. (I haven't seen the menstruation film Disney did, but it sounds a lot less flashy than the anti-VD film. Of course, I'm the wrong gender to have been shown it...)

If you want to see some stuff on Michael Ocelot's spectacular new film (which so far hasn't been picked up for distribution in the USA, to my great regret) look at the website for Azure & Asmar (the site's in French, but you can find your way around), which is the only Flash-heavy site I've ever recommended: the music excerpts from the film are wonderful, and the visuals looks spectacular. Kirikou and the Wild Beasts (once again, the site is in French and the film does not seem to have a distributor in the USA) looks like it'd be pretty good as well: just not as spectacular as Azure & Asmar.

#454 ::: MD² ::: (view all by) ::: December 20, 2006, 07:27 PM:

Ocelot's brilliant.
I can't recommand enough "Princes et Princesses" also if you're digging his work.

#455 ::: Nicole J. LeBoeuf-Little ::: (view all by) ::: December 21, 2006, 06:15 AM:

"Aunt Eater," "Lady Vericose," "The Mighty Avarian," "Captain Sharpei," "The Stygmatist," "Frost Heaves," "Sergeant Scurvy," and "Krimson Kvetch" appear courtesy of "Freakazoid! Comics," "Freakazoid! Comic" characters, the "F!," and all other indicia and logos may not be duplicated, drawn, or talked about without prior written consent of "Freakazoid! Comics," a subsidiary of Time-Warner. Failure to abide by these restrictions will bring swift and appropriate action by what will soon be the world's largest communication company. We're so big we could make your cable go out if we wanted, or print hurtful lies about you in "Time," or follow you wherever you go and you'd never know we're doing that 'cuz we're so secretive and big. We could! So watch it!

...copied without permission from the closing credits of Episode 103.

#457 ::: David Goldfarb ::: (view all by) ::: December 22, 2006, 03:17 AM:

Glenn@456: Your comment seems to be blank. Try re-posting?

#458 ::: Glenn Hauman ::: (view all by) ::: December 23, 2006, 02:30 AM:

Do not open until Xmas. Fnord.

#459 ::: Karen Funk Blocher ::: (view all by) ::: January 03, 2007, 01:43 AM:

Again I'm coming in far too late to be part of the conversation, but here are a few anyway because I feel the need to post them:

Do not stand forward of white line while blog is in motion

Management of the company has established and maintains a system of internal control that provides for the appropriate division of responsibility, reasonable assurance as to the integrity and reliability of the consolidated statements, the protection of assets from unauthorized use or disposition, the prevention and detection of fraudulent reporting, and the maintenance of an active program of internal audits.

Use first.
Do not use.

May get hot in microwave.

Zero size message received.

Ignore alien orders.

Actual product may vary from product shown.
This blog contains important information,
please keep it for reference.
NOTE: Powder in Non-Toxic

#460 ::: Cadbury Moose spots spam on Regarding Ads ::: (view all by) ::: September 19, 2009, 07:50 AM:

Poster id is a link to a website.

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