August 13, 2008
Posted by Jim Macdonald at 09:38 PM * 185 comments
Tuvok the Vulcan he was there
Standin’ at the bar,
Sayin’ “This isn’t logical
An’ I’m not in pon farr.”
An’ it’s who’ll slash ye this timeAgent Mulder he was there
Who’ll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
Suckin’ on a beer
Asking all the passers-by
“Is Alex Krycek here?”
An’ it’s who’ll slash ye this timeAgent Scully she was there
Who’ll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
Standin’ on her head
Provin’ tae a’ the boys an’ girls
Her hair is really red.
An’ it’s who’ll slash ye this timeThe Buffy-bot sure she was there
Who’ll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
Lookin’ round the place
A can o’ lube-oil in her hand
An’ lust upon her face.
An’ it’s who’ll slash ye this timeVampire Willow she was there
Who’ll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
In her leather vest,
Sayin’ “First I’ll do the lassies
An’ then I’ll do the rest.”
An’ it’s who’ll slash ye this timeAn’ when the ball was over
Who’ll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
Then everyone expressed
While the ballin’ was exquisite
The slash-fic was the best.
An’ it’s who’ll slash ye this time
Who’ll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
This work by James Macdonald is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 3.0 United States License.
Jimmy Kirk, oh he was there,
Hanging 'round wi' Spock,
Provin' they were the originals
And provin' they liked--(REDACTED)
An’ it’s who’ll slash ye this time
Who’ll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
shades of Kc in 1976 and listening to a (now long-deceased) baritone male voice singing the "Balls to your partner (etc.)" song on the other side of the wall from your headboard.
It was actually a better experience than later when a flock of KC SF fans made a group trip to Hutchinson and the Cosmosphere. The motel advertised an adult wrestling video and it sounded like the enormous couple in the room over ours were viewing and practicing slam-f-cking..... it was scary. We thought the ceiling was going to fall in.
I love you, Jim. (That's what he said!) This has been going around in my head since Sunday night's pub sing at the NY renfaire, except our version is (roughly)
Young Luke Skywalker, he was there
Lookin for some nookie
But he had to make do with Leia
Because Han was with the Wookie
Singin, balls to your partner
Your arse against the wall
If you canna write slash on a Saturday night
You canna write slash at all!
And surely our version should be The Ball of Barad-Dûr?
Jimmy turned to Sarah, said
"Will ye ball wi' me?
I ken I'm no yer favorite, but
We're someone's OTP."
An’ it’s who’ll slash ye this time
Who’ll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
the other thing that made the Hutch trip memorable was that a) it was so hot that the body parts in the pool felt good and anythng not underwater felt sand-blasted and 2) hotel had an 'honor bar' happy hour, 50¢ a pour. Some guests got f-king drunk despite their own small children being there.
Dammit, Jim, I'm a physical therapist assistant, not a filker!
Jack Harkness came into the bar
With his pet trouser mouse.
He shagged them all then asked "Is there
A Doctor in the house?"
An’ it’s who’ll slash ye this time
Who’ll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
Should that perhaps be "She will nae"?
Father Mulcahy, he was there
Calling Pierce's bet
Sayin’, “This ain't Christ King's timeline
But I'll win by losing yet."
An’ it’s who’ll slash ye this time
Who’ll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
Harry Potter took out his wand;
Jack Sparrow said, "It's scary--
I've seen magic, but 'til now,
I didn't believe in fairies."
An’ it’s who’ll slash ye this time
Who’ll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
Harry Potter, he was there
The party to enjoy
And holding tightly in his hand
The wand of young Malfoy
- And it's who'll slash ye this time
Who'll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo
I love this place. Really.
Jack from Torchwood spent all night
Confirming what he'd heard:
That he and Al from Deadwood
Had the very same favorite word
And it's who'll slash ye this time
Who'll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo
(Patrick, I still owe you that Torchwood/Deadwood crossover fic!)
Se'en o' Nine the Borg was there
Up to naughty tricks
Introducing Janeway
To her younger sister, Six.
An' it's who'll slash ye next time,
Who'll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
Jean-Luc Picard came strolling in
his uniform askew.
He'd been back in the alley,
with Data and Geordie too.
An’ it’s who’ll slash ye this time
Who’ll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
Ryker had a sly, smug grin,
and carried a sex toy.
With Deana and a Klingon,
he'd had Menage a' Troi.
An’ it’s who’ll slash ye this time
Who’ll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
Owen and Ianto made the scene;
Jack just said, "Oh, goodie!"
Watching his two friends get it on
gave Jack a huge Torchwoodie.
An’ it’s who’ll slash ye this time
Who’ll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
Sam and Dean were fightin'
a Pennsylvania coven
An' provin' that Philadelphia is
The city of brotherly lovin'
An’ it’s who’ll slash ye this timeCaptain Sparrow staggered in
Who’ll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
A-lookin' for someone to boff
For Captain Jack had been on the rum
and now he was jackin' off.
An’ it’s who’ll slash ye this time
Who’ll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
Book is on his knees again
Right where he belongs
Teaching Zoe lessons
From the Song of Songs.
An’ it’s who’ll slash ye this time
Who’ll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
The hall outside the engine room
Echoes with a roar
As Kaylee's motor fires up
Round Wash's dinosaur.
An’ it’s who’ll slash ye this time
Who’ll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
Inara smiles, and makes Jayne moan
As her hand draws nearer
To stroke and clench the hardness of
His long and shapely Vera.
An’ it’s who’ll slash ye this time
Who’ll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
Mal doesn't leave Serenity
Although he's docked and locked her
He's in his bunk with Simon
Letting him play doctor.
An’ it’s who’ll slash ye this time
Who’ll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
Three Doctors, hiding in the john
From twisted Harkness' tricks
Are proving you can get to Ten
If you add Four and Six
An’ it’s who’ll slash ye this time
Who’ll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
The Captain grabbed the Doctor
By his lab coat pale.
"I think I'll get my hammer out
So you can be my nail."
An’ it’s who’ll slash ye this time
Who’ll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
The Doctor laughed most horribly.
"If it's woodwork we do
Then let me turn your offer round
And make you be my screw."
An’ it’s who’ll slash ye this time
Who’ll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
Bad Horse whinnied at them both
"It's time I made my choice
And whichever one I choose
Had best be friends with Moist."
An’ it’s who’ll slash ye this time
Who’ll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
Mister Garibaldi
Has his weapon set to stun
He's trawling B5's lower decks
For some Man-Minbari fun
An’ it’s who’ll slash ye this time
Who’ll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
Doctor number ten's arrived
From a distant world
He's showing off his Hamlet
To a horde of hungry girls
An’ it’s who’ll slash ye this time
Who’ll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
Now Rose is blowing Cybermen
Away with every shot
Martha's down between her legs
And she cares not a jot
An’ it’s who’ll slash ye this time
Who’ll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
Peter Petrelli he was there
Sucking up some powers
While brother Nate and sister Claire
Have been in the loo for hours
An’ it’s who’ll slash ye this time
Who’ll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
Mister Linderman announced
"It's all going to plan"
While Hiro thrust his weapon
Into each and every man
An’ it’s who’ll slash ye this time
Who’ll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
Iron Man and Wolverine
Have cornered Kitty Pryde
She phased through claws and 'pulsor rays
And offered Beast a ride
An’ it’s who’ll slash ye this time
Who’ll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
The Borg have turned up in a cube
They're looking for a date
All resistance is futile
You WILL assimilate
All the girls of Ravenclaw
Agreed the day was weird:
When Harry waved his magic wand
Their knickers disappeared.
An’ it’s who’ll slash ye this time
Who’ll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
Snape o' Potions he was there
Skimming every page
"When I get to the final book
They'll finally be of age!"
An' it's who'll slash ye this time
Who'll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
Agent Cooper he stood there
In a room of red
Admiring how his waist lined
Right up with midget head
An' it's who'll slash ye this time
Who'll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
Up to the Wall strode Karla
A-comin' to defect
But Smiley said "Defective?
I found him quite erect!"
An' it's who'll slash ye this time
Who'll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
Judas awoke to find in bed
A randy King of Kings
Jesus just sighed and said "Fangirls
will slash most anything."
An' it's who'll slash ye this time
Who'll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
Cap'n Jack is on the deck,
A wicked scheme he's plannin'.
If he's the first to Will and James,
They can also fck with canon.
An' it's who'll slash ye this timeDumbledore and Grindelwald
Who'll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
Are sowing wild oats.
And that annoys poor Aberforth,
They always get his goat.
An' it's who'll slash ye this timeHagrid likes wild animals,
Who'll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
While Dobby goes for socks.
Minerva's out tomcatting,
And the Giant Squid's with Fawkes.
An' it's who'll slash ye this timeSlashy smut wreaks havoc
Who'll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
In the hallowed Hogwarts halls.
Trelawney, she prefers to watch
While fondling crystal balls.
An' it's who'll slash ye this timeThe new OC, it's plain to see,
Who'll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
Is such a Mary Sue.
She'll make the rounds with everyone,
And you, and you, and you.
An' it's who'll slash ye this time
Who'll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
Back at MiddleMan HQ
Ida's made a new pal.
"I'm sorry, Dave -- YOU can't do that.
But I sure will," says HAL
An' it's who'll slash ye this time
Who'll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
Padme said to Anakin
"We can't ball in this place!"
So Anakin he shrugged and threw
Her skirts o'er her face.
An' it's who'll slash ye this time
Who'll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
Qui-Gon Jin was so upset
To see what they had done
He went and showed his saber
To his pad'wan Obi-Wan.
An' it's who'll slash ye this time
Who'll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
Gimli took his battle-axe
And swung with all his might
For he'd be damned if Legolas
Balled more than him that night!
An' it's who'll slash ye this time
Who'll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
Eowyn was ready but
Estel he wouldn't stand
She thought that she might have more luck
By dressing as a man.
An' it's who'll slash ye this time
Who'll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
Hmm... if I didn't know any better, I'd wonder if there's actually two tunes being written to here, just based on scansion...
xeger: Given that the song's by everyone's favorite songwriter Anon Trad, it's entirely possible that different people know different tunes.
Agent Smith and Neo
Were comparing masculinity
When Morpheus walked in an' said
"Noo let's hae a Trinity."
An' it's who'll slash ye next time
Who'll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
The Eschaton was at the ball
to show weak gods don't suck.
It grabbed the Borg and got into
a galactic cluster f*ck.
An' it's who'll slash ye next time
Who'll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
O, the ball,
The Ball of Barad-dûr
Where Ring-wraiths an' Balrogs
Were fookin' on the floor
An' it's who'll slash ye this time
Who'll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
The dinosaurs came runnin’
At Making Light to stay,
When sodomy they wanted,
Not one could stay away.
An’ it’s who’ll slash ye this time
Who’ll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
Phil @22:
You have ruined John Le Carre for me forever.
Although now I come to think of it, Obi-Wan and Jean-Luc wouldn't make such a bad couple.
The sysops saw web traffic rise
to levels near unreal,
Ten million noobs with postings long
all named as "Cowboy Neal".
An’ it’s who’ll slash ye this time
Who’ll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
Nancy Drew stood quite amazed
Amid the smoke and noise
She'd just found out why Frank and Joe
Are called the Hardy Boys.
An' it's who'll slash ye next time
Who'll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
I was about to send a bill to Phil Lee for a replacement keyboard (#22's Jesus just sighed and said "Fangirls will slash most anything." resulting in the 'board's demise), but this thread is made of so much awesome that I think it best we start a Save the Keyboards fund for others who have suffered a distressing beverage spew over the comments here. Or maybe we should take it to the national level and join with surprised lurkers and readers everywhere by attaching a rider to the soon to be approved Clean LCD Act.
J'onn J'onzz had come to play
An ancient martian trick
Half the men and all the girls
Got f***ed by his green p***k!
Now Luffy would nae be upstaged
(The Pirate King has pride)
So while he Rogered Robin
She stroked their other sides!
Miaka brought Tamahome
Yui brought Nakago
The boys then got together
And gave the girls a show!
Pepper Pots had come alone
Or that was what she thought
She found her boss a-nailin' Rhodes
With both of their suits off!
I should be working... ah, what the hell.
They say the Dark is Risin'
Will admits that with pride
He found out that the Wild Hunt
Was quite the wild ride!
An' it's who'll slash ye next time
Who'll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
(might one enquire after the original song(s) and tune(s)?)
[[durh. nevermind. it's the post title.]]
and there's a music file of some sort here.
Delurking to say that this may be my favorite example of collective ML brilliance ever.
Also, @39:
xeger (26) wrote: Hmm... if I didn't know any better, I'd wonder if there's actually two tunes being written to here, just based on scansion...
Or, it's also possible that people are writing verses for the same tune, but at varying levels of skill.
But the most likely situation is that people are writing verses for multiple tunes, with vastly varying skill levels.
Better MP3 here (Another from the same website as Columbina @42, bt this one is downloadable. And all of approximately 250KB :-)
Racer X drove hard and fast
'Cause it fulfilled his need.
The two-man race he finished last;
He came right after Speed.
The Hastur and The Aldaran
Crossed swords and matrices
The Hastur knew that he had won
When his foe was on his knees
Dear G-d in heaven, you people are insane! Wonderfully insane, mind you, but still....
Dorothy and Scarecrow,
Flew in from Oz that day,
"What queer folks I meet" she said,
"But, my this party's gay!"
An' it's who'll slash ye next time
Who'll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
Lucky Jack and Maturin
Had done the dirty bop
But none could afterward recall
Which one had been on top.
An' it's who'll slash ye next time
Who'll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
I don't know what you're doing, yet I'm doing it anyway.
The Daleks invaded Cylon
Intoning, "Obey us or be slain."
Six said, "The only plungers we defer to
Are the kind with veins."
Then the Daleks rolled out Davros;
Cylons lined-up to serve their totum.
"We've been shooting lasers all this time
When all we had to show was scrotum"
Belgarion, O he was there,
A Rivan cutting loose.
He bent Lelldorin over,
and nailed his caboose!
O Belgarath, O he was there,
Looking fit and trim.
For centuries he'd waited,
To taste Polgara's quim.
Ce'Nedra, she got naked,
Tiny, pert and cute.
She winked at Silk, she liked his ilk,
And took it up the 'chute!
O Barak with his sword in hand,
From Cherek he did trudge,
He caught a gleam from Durnik,
And packed his sword in fudge!
And Relg, that old fanatic,
Could not resist the call.
He made it with the Horse Lord,
Up against the wall.
Beldin with his wings of blue,
His hook a smoking white.
Vella peered between his legs,
And damn near died of fright!
An' it's who'll slash ye next time
Who'll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
Vorkosigan he stood there
His blaster in his hand;
While giant sergeant Taura
Smiled at the rising gland.
An’ it’s who’ll slash ye this time
Who’ll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
Miles will defend the empire
Though short of arm and leg;
We wonder at his purpose
The while he's bedding Greg.
An’ it’s who’ll slash ye this time
Who’ll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
Go shopping with Cordelia,
She can't abide the view
and doesn't like the merchandise
but does like kissing Kou.
An’ it’s who’ll slash ye this time
Who’ll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
Said Moya to the Falcon,
"That wasn't that much fun.
You made it even shorter than
The bloody Kessel run!"
An’ it’s who’ll slash ye this time
Who’ll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
Elder Cthulhu he was there,
So hoping to get laid,
A mob of zombies shambled by,
And sucked his brains instead.
An’ it’s who’ll slash ye this time
Who’ll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
Abi @ 53: Okay, that did it. My sides ache now!!!!
Buck and Steele and Antichrist
In threeway you may find:
"Now this is really Rapture
So we're glad we're Left Behind!"
An’ it’s who’ll slash ye this time
Who’ll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
Doyle and Bodie joined the throng,
And mightily did strive
To f**k in a Professional way
For the sake of CI5!
An’ it’s who’ll slash ye this time
Who’ll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
The Fesitival's in orbit now
The gadgets up will pile
The Emperor wants to start a war
But does it Dogger-style
The Doctor watched Romana 2
Regenerate at will.
She kept it up until she knew
A Ward would fit the bill!
An’ it’s who’ll slash ye this time
Who’ll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
I was originally going to say that you guys owe me a new keyboard. But no, I think, in fact, that you owe me a new brain, 'cos this one's contaminated beyond hope of cleansing now.
Tee Hee!! My first time here and the perfect day to finally make it over!
Kirk and Spock blushed to hear
Scotty's lusty moan:
"Ach, ye old school pair ne'er were
the only ones with Bones!"
An’ it’s who’ll slash ye this time
Who’ll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
The Chesire Cat ate p*ssy,
'Til he was worn quite thin,
It left the ladies satisfied,
And explained the non-vanishing grin.
Pooh and Piglet went exploring,
Found new uses for a stick.
As they shared their toy with Tigger,
Eeyore muttered, "That's just sick."
An’ it’s who’ll slash ye this time
Who’ll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
Tomoyo gies her Sakura
A bonny little thong.
"I made it for ye specially --
Come, do the barrie on."
An’ it’s who’ll slash ye this time
Who’ll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
But Sakura she peenges,
"It gripes me sair, this pell!"
"Then do it off," Tomoyo says.
"I'll smouch your nethers well."
An’ it’s who’ll slash ye this time
Who’ll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
Gollum said to Slothrop, "You're obsessed and you're descending.
Come explore the tunnels with me,
And you'll understand your ending!"
This. Is. Awful. (Which makes it far better than a lot of the slash fics out there.)
Oh, Spike and Angel, they were there
Trying not to fight
"If this goes on for too much more
We both will get a bite!"
An’ it’s who’ll slash ye this time
Who’ll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
Mad Drusilla stood and stared
At Darla and her son
"Why should I pick one of them
When both are much more fun?"
An’ it’s who’ll slash ye this time
Who’ll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
Harry Dresden, he was there
with his magic staff
Karin Murphy said to him
"You don't do things by half!"
An’ it’s who’ll slash ye this time
Who’ll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
Mary Aileen, above a lot of others, could you please pass the Brain Wash? I really need a cleaning.
Jack Shaftoe brought an entourage
His vagabondish crew
They pulled a train on Daniel
And on Eliza too!
Lina Inverse came to get
Some dinner and a bangin'
She ate up all the canapes
And then screwed a Gold Dragon!
Zel and Xellos came along
With that flame-haired witch
First Xellos topped and then he made
The one-third golem switch!
Buffy and Satsu were there
Scratchin’ their favorite itch
Willow gave them a taste of religion,
For they love to lick a witch!
An’ it’s who’ll slash ye this time
Who’ll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
(the end joke came from a magnificently naughty pagan bumper sticker I saw in Boston--cheers!)
Paula Helm Murray (67): Here, have my scrub-brush, too.
I can't resist joining in on this one!
Elijah and Daneel were there,
Their passions caught on fire,
'Til Lije had to stop because
A robot *never* tires!
An' it's who'll slash ye this time
Who'll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
Lazarus stood disconsolate,
No slashers took a look:
To write him was no challenge,
For it's all there in the book.
An' it's who'll slash ye this time
Who'll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
Tony's a Tiger when he wants love
Sex with Rice Crispy Elves? "They're Great!"
But he killed and ate Snap, Crackle, and Pop
And now he masturbates
The Time Patrol keep coming
over and over again.
The temporal loop will finish,
then back for the refrain.
An’ it’s who’ll slash ye this time
Who’ll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
Villanelle told Terza Rima / "I don't care if you frak or frell--" / But nineteen fortnights later she / had a baby terzanelle.
An’ it’s who’ll / ye this time Who’ll / ye noo? The lass who /ed ye last, lad, She no will / ye noo.
Uhura had a list of plans
Regarding ways to get off
Each night she liked to have at least
One new item to Chekov.
An' it's who'll slash ye this time
Who'll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
Oh, oh, I'm in hysterics over here!
Trillian took her two pet mice
And off to space they went
The mice got off, while Beeblebrox
Was probing Arthur's Dent
They met with Slartibartfast
Who had some lovely fjords
He like terraforming planets
And tinkering with Fords
Fenchurch and Lintilla both
found Random cradle-robbable
Where fangirls are concerned, there's nothing
Infinitely improbable
Methos and rest of the Horsemen
having a ball they were
a-making a daisy chain pretty
and coming in Duncan's hair...
An' it's who'll slash ye this time
Who'll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
He's Popeye the Sailor Man
He wants someone to taste his glans
Olive said no, but Wimpy's a ho
He's yours for a burger and soda can
The Red Dwarf Crew, they all turned up
A smile on every face
For Kryten's groinal attachment
Had certainly stood the pace!
Lizzie Bennet she was there
Doing a tumbling stunt
Vaulting Mr. Darcy
And landing on Lady Catherine de Bourg.
An' it's who'll slash ye this time
Who'll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
Billy Pilgrim, listen: he was there
Not struggling against his fate
To go back in time looking
For someone's member to tap his prostate
Michael Swanwick he was there
Laying out the lessons:
"First dinosaurs, then sodomy,
then stories, then confessions."
An’ it’s who’ll read ye this time
Who’ll read ye noo?
The lass critiqued ye last, lad,
She'll no critique ye noo.
(Note: that's not an incitement to RPS.)
Spike the Vampire he was there
His bearing patriarchal:
"Though I'm love's bitch I don't do boys
And I don't bloody sparkle."
An' it's who'll slash ye this time
Who'll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
George Cowley donned his Highland kilt
To show his sturdy knees
His ginger tackle all a-throb
And swaying in the breeze.
He got an eyeful of the crowd
And, not the type to haver,
He took his manhood in one hand
And prepared to toss his caber.
Is it too late to point out that it's spelled "Kirriemuir"? ...Probably.
I can't decide whether to award the Internet of Depravity to Mary Aileen @ #63 or Liz B. @ # 64.
Connor MacLeod was surely there
And ready for some fun
Sayin' "Line up to the left, my lads,
There won't be only one."
An' it's who'll slash ye this time
Who'll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
---------
#87 Is it too late to point out that it's spelled "Kirriemuir"? ...Probably.
It's spelled lots of ways. But I can change the spelling in the post title if the Flurospherians Assembled would like it.
Oh, and by the way, just now I was Googling on The Ball of Kirriemuir, and found this entirely surreal page:
Experience Project
Share your experience. Experience yourself.Check out the results below, and then find more about the ball of kirriemuir here at the world's largest true story and life experience archive...
Matching Experiences
It seems no one has created an experience group with this topic yet. Start one today!
Matching Stories
No one has shared their experience with this topic yet.
Lieutenant Sulu, he was there,
And how he raved and roared!
He frightened all the ladies
Every time he bared his sword.
An' it's etc.
This is the greatest thread in the history of the Internets. Nay, the history of the world.
Ginger was diddling Mary Ann
While Gilligan stood ready
The Skipper stared in disbelief
At the professor in his teddy
Trip the Space Parasite (88): Ooooh, I never won an internet before. Or even half of one. [sniff] I'm so proud.
Mary Aileen @ #94: Just make sure you wash it after you use it!
It's the Internet. She may want to wash it as soon as she receives it. After all, we know where it's been.
Aral Vorkosigan, he was there,
And feeling mighty warm:
He'd tackle any lad or lass
Who wore a uniform.
An' it's etc.
Estraven's in kemmer,
And waiting in the tent.
Would you rather male or female?
Ai! What a predicament!
An' it's etc.
We think we're futuristic
Stylish, up to the mark,
But all our Pornotopia
Was foreseen by Arthur Clarke.
An' it's who'll slash ye this time
Who'll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
Bob Howard and his roommates,
one eldritch threesome scene,
once it all was over
they washed their laundry clean
And it's etc.
The Musketeers, all three were there,
Putting on a show
Demonstrating to D'Artagnan,
The art of fellatio.
An’ it’s who’ll slash ye this time
Who’ll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
Ico and Yorda, they were there,
Beating off a shadow
Until it whispered "We may suck,
But we also always swallow."
An’ it’s who’ll slash ye this time
Who’ll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
Vince Noir, yes he was there
With a veritable harem;
Howard getting down to jazz
And thrusting to the rhythm.
An’ it’s who’ll slash ye this time
Who’ll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
Sarah-Jane arrived with Luke,
And covered up his eyes.
"You're far too young for this!" she said,
But he protests and cries.
An’ it’s who’ll slash ye this time
Who’ll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
Sonic the Hedgehog, he was there
Having many flings;
Tails got very jealous
When he took so many rings!
An’ it’s who’ll slash ye this time
Who’ll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
Treguard of Dunshelm, he was there
With a man named Strider.
Treguard fiddled with his knapsack
And pleaded "enter, stranger."
An’ it’s who’ll slash ye this time
Who’ll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
Vetinari said to Carrot,
If you can believe it,
"Put that kingly sword away
Or I swear I'll help you sheathe it!"
An' it's who'll slash ye this time
Who'll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
Aziraphale and Crowley cheer
The halt of Armageddon
For Earth has one unique delight
They'd hate to be forgettin'
An' it's who'll slash ye this time
Who'll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
And Famine and Pollution heave
With panting lustful breath
But War just shrugs and saunters off
To try a little Death
An' it's who'll slash ye this time
Who'll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
Anathema leaps up at the knock -
The witch is found at last!
But who's - Oh well, it must be said
The Antichrist learns fast
An' it's who'll slash ye this time
Who'll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
And so I have committed slash for the first time in my life. What a peculiar feeling. I love this thread!
#104, Tatterbots -
Aw, virginity lost. How appropriate!
At breakfast this morning, I realized that any dirty song worth its, you know, needs at least one clean verse, just for contrast.
Mr. Monk, he was aghast
When he saw the scene.
It was all too much for him
He had to go and clean.
An’ it’s who’ll slash ye this time
Who’ll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
Continuing my perversity (sensitive souls, look away now):
In the garden, Owl and Rabbit
Found a most improper book
With the title Kama Sutra.
"Oh," said Kanga, "I can't look!"
(Like Tatterbots, these are my first-ever slash. And I used to have such a *clean* mind.)
Tatterbots, #103 is almost frightening.
This can't be complete until someone has carnal knowledge of the plums in the icebox.
glee. just, glee.
Tired Helena Justina
dabbed ointment on her blisters,
she sometimes wished that Marcus
had rather fewer sisters
Petronius and Falco
were so bored in the Legions
they stayed together in their tent
exploring unknown regions
An’ it’s who’ll &c
In the good old days of VFD
Count Olaf went to sea
and for to ward off scurvy
swallowed something Lemony.
Violet, with her hair tied up
(while concealed in an amphora)
invented a strange new device
for pleasing Isadora
An’ it’s who’ll &c
Herne's sex magic is the best
the Sheriff is a harlot
and with tremendous effort
the gang has turned Will Scarlet.
Nasir's the strong and silent type
though not a few have tried.
You see, when he'd be making noise
his mouth's Much occupied.
An’ it’s who’ll &c
(relurks)
my plums have
just finished
icing
your box
for which
you were probably
saving
for marriage
Forgive me
while I'm lubricious
I'll leave
and not call
While poets in the parlor
Were chantin' odes an' lays
The plums were in the icebox
(That's what it's called these days)
An’ it’s wha’ll slash ye next time
Wha’ll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
*guffaws*
Mike @ 111, you win an Internets. Slightly used, I do recommend washing it.
The Grinchley Grinch, Oh he was there
He popped right down the flue
He spent the night explaining life
to little Cindy Who
An' it's who'll...
-----------------
An extra half an Internet to merripestin for 107!
The Baker and the Bellman
Were having such a lark
While playing with the Beaver
They forgot about the Snark!
And it's...
Hair-boy Blair he was there
Wi' an awffy lot o' blether
Of wolves and beasties in the Glen
And a man named Jim in leather.
An’ it’s who’ll slash ye this time
Who’ll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
Hutch the Blintz he was there
So Starsky sidled close
"Ken this Ken, fer yer arse
I've a yen,
Let's get oot of here."
An’ it’s who’ll slash ye this time
Who’ll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
Persian Xerxes he was there,
Wearin' his spikes an' garters,
"I'm in the mood for Greek," he said,
"300's good for starters."
An’ it’s who’ll slash ye this time
Who’ll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
Severus Snape stalked into the room
His wicked eyes a'sparking
"Bring me Harry Potter here
My pestle needs some farking"
Dumbledore and Gilderoy
Were doing a soft-shoe shuffle
The old man's beard caught in the zip
Caused Gildy to Huffle puffle
Am reminded of the saying that there's slash fanfic of practically any sort somewhere on the internet.
Although usually not all in the same thread...
Angel the Vampire wasn't there
He sat back in L.A.
Thanks to a pesky gypsy curse
He had to stay away.
An’ it’s who’ll slash ye this time
Who’ll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
Angua died before she came,
On Carrot's massive root,
"I'LL FINISH YOU OFF RIGHT QUICK," said Death,
"AND THEN MYSELF, TO BOOT."
An’ it’s who’ll slash ye this time
Who’ll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
Then Mal and Kaylee situate
Like new shoes in a shoebox.
Says he, "Strawberries I done ate,
Not cold plums from the icebox."
An’ it’s who’ll slash ye this time
Who’ll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
Fred and Shaggy soon paired off
Daphne and Velma too
The question that's amang them a'
Is who would Scooby Doo?
An’ it’s who’ll slash ye this time
Who’ll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
Frodo Baggins he was there
Along with Sam Gamgee
flipping coins upon the bar
for turns with sweet Rosie
An’ it’s who’ll slash ye this time
Who’ll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
The tales of hero Biggles
Might not be swift or pacy,
But leave it to brash Ginger
To see why Algy's Lacey.
An’ it’s who’ll slash ye this time
Who’ll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
We know that Simon Templar
Would never shout or squeal,
But look what he is doing
To poor Claude Eustace Teal!
An’ it’s who’ll slash ye this time
Who’ll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
Pity poor Mrs Hudson
Prepares an amuse-bouche
And yet dear Mr Sherlock
He would not gamahuche.
An’ it’s who’ll slash ye this time
Who’ll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
Whoever said that puns were the lowest form of humor hadn't seen this thread.
Sorry Serge ;)=
... and, of course, as soon as I post I realize I can tweak it to improve the rhyme:
Frodo Baggins he was there
Along with Sam Gamgee
flipping coins up in the air
for turns with sweet Rosie
Witchiepoo was fetching
In furry coat and muff
But Jimmy, he was bent on making
H. R. Pufnstuf
An' it's who'll slash ye this time
Who'll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
All seven Dwarves, yes they were there,
Along with Dear Snow White.
Apple juice went in her drink,
They rode her through the night!
The Cat, all dapper in his Hat,
Said, "Hark, I cannot dally.
First I'll do Thing One and Two,
Then froozle little Sally."
Then Mickey with his dog arrived,
they raised a hoot and holler,
Then Mickey cried, "Pluto, my friend,
My turn to wear the collar!"
An’ it’s who’ll slash ye this time
Who’ll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
Slash and Axel crashed the gig.
"Though we're not works of fiction,
Your name's already Slash," says Axe,
"Prepare for rearward friction!"
An’ it’s who’ll slash ye this time
Who’ll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
Emma Peel and partner showed
but they could not decide
just what to with whom until
she took Steed for a ride.
An’ it’s who’ll slash ye this time
Who’ll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
U.N.C.L.E.'s best was there that night,
to give the ball some class.
Yelled Ilya, dressed as Wellington
"Bone Boni in the ass!"
An’ it’s who’ll slash ye this time, usw
Annah the tiefling waved her tail
A smile upon her face
A succubus was teaching her
Just how to Fall-from-Grace.
An’ it’s who’ll slash ye this time
Who’ll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
Morte was in attendance too
A skull but not quite dead
The Nameless One was having fun
He was certainly getting head!
An’ it’s who’ll slash ye this time
Who’ll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
Henry the Eighth, free from his wife
Was partying on the floor
For after divorce, as a matter of course
He'd time to do Thomas More.
An’ it’s who’ll slash ye this time
Who’ll slash ye noo?
The lass who slashed ye last, lad,
She no will slash ye noo.
Harkonen Baron Vladimir
With appetites ferocious,
Implored Paul to Muad his Dib,
Distended and attrocious.
But Paul, with vision prescient,
Was speechless with a mouth 'a
His nemesis's unsheathed crys:
The Baron's heir, Fe
Comments on The Ball of Kirriemuir: