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May 30, 2007

Abi Sutherland, on Catz
Posted by Teresa at 09:42 AM * 579 comments

Posted in the current open thread:

I in ur sonnet, doin ur ritin.
How do this hapn? I just a kitty.
Main job of catz are just 2B pritty!
(‘Cept with the doggies, then us be fitin.)
Course back in da old days catz was workin
Eatin ur mouses an axin fr milk…
Now giv me treatz or me clawin ur silk!
An bring em here fast, none of ur shirkin.
U humanz r comin under r powr
Uzin ur money to pamper n feed us,
Learnin from websitez how much u need us.
R clvr planz is comin to flower!
Now mousie are safe in his tiny holz
Nless u go catch him. I da boss. LOLz
Speaking of poets, Bruce Cohen, Speaker to Managers, now has his own website. Some sections are still under construction, but he’s put up the Star Trek Cycle and his miscellaneous sonnets—one of which, to bring the circle round, is about Abi.

Addendum: The thread has turned into a game of poetry and pastiches in LOLcat and 1337. This is from Ajay’s LOLcat for the Makers, after Dunbar:

I that in heill wes and gladnes
Am trublit now with great sicknes
My sicklie stait is no surprise:
IM IN UR BASE KILIN UR GUYZ.

Death sovran is of all the tubez,
Of rich, of poor, of l33t, of n00bz;
No mortal shal escaip his eyis:
IM IN UR BASE KILIN UR GUYZ. …

Ajay and Jakob have done the Infocom Divine Comedy. Kathryn from Sunnyvale has done the Creation and Fall. Mary Dell, Dan Layman-Kennedy, and Larry Brennan have successively reduced “This is just to say” to shorter and shorter transformations. Dan also gets Prufrock down to two lines. Fragano Ledgister renders a very creditable Chaucer:
… As sone as youngstre on the net doth logge
bot thatte hee (or shee) doth make an blogge,
opon the uuiche the bratte doth lightlie write
of matteres simple and of svbjectes trite:
howe one beth lamer, yet another leet,
and howe they never shalle knowe defeat. …
Mary Dell does Sandburg. Adamsj does Shelley. Julie L. does Blake:
I iz tyg4r burn1nz br1t3
In yr f0r3stz 0f t3h n1t3
WHUT da m4x l33t h4ndz 0r 3y3z
Fr4m3z0rd mah f33rfl 5mmtryz?

In yr sekr1t d33pz n skyz
In yr b4s3 pwnin yr guyz
C4n iz I t3h w4r3z b1n h4xt?
C4n I h4z sum pr0n plzthx?

Tyg4r iz l33t burnz0r d00d
1ns1de yr b4s3 34tin yr f00d.

Come down and have a look. We’re having a good time.
Addendum II by JDM (Because it’s never too late to promote genius)
From Smurch
Some e.e. cummings:

NEkitteh livd in pritteemeowtown
(wit up!ball up!& rubberbandown!)
flowrbulb dedmaus leafdrop sunnipane
kitteh pur he didn’t kitteh rub he did

kittehz dey all (tiny&sm)
kehrd 4 NEkitteh not@all
I be scratchin ur litter & likkn ur viz
warmnap cuddlegleam twinklesleep hiss

litterkittehz gest (but sumz not allz
& furgetz dem laterz as upgrow tall
leafdrop leafbare leaflite leaful)
dat 0kitteh heart him morXmor

wenXnou & treXlef
she lolziz joi she yaoldiz greef
chikkyXbol & boksXscratchz
NEkitteh’s NE b in hr allz

sumkittehz mated wit ur evryk@s
mewd ur purrnz & wiskrd ur leapz
(nap stretch scratch & den) dey
mioud ur nomorz & napt ur dremz

twinklefar hatewet warmpatch facensky
(& only coldbite kn xplainz
how kittenzeez r furgetn 2 remmbr
wit up!ball up! & rubberbandown)

1 day NEkitteh di i ges
(& 0kitteh down 2 lik hiz viz)
bizzy kittehz cvrd dem sidXsid
ltlXltl & wzXwz

allzXallz & depeXdepe
& morXmor & dreemz dey sleep
0kitteh & NEkitteh littrXshowrztim
wskrXspirit & ifXpurr

kittehshes & kittehhes (perr & pirr)
dedmaus leafdrop sunnipane leaflite
sowd in ur reapin & cam in ur went
warmpatch facensky twinklefar hatewet

That, all by itself, refutes the idea that there is any language unsuitable for poetry.

Comments on Abi Sutherland, on Catz:
#1 ::: Steve Buchheit ::: (view all by) ::: May 30, 2007, 11:05 AM:

Yeah, Abi, showing us all the dire threat posed by cats worldwide. We are truely under their collective thumb, you know, until there's a bright patch of sunshine on the floor, and then we'll all be saved.

But, yeah Abi!

#2 ::: Nangleator ::: (view all by) ::: May 30, 2007, 11:24 AM:

I, for one, welcome our feline overlords.

#3 ::: Serge ::: (view all by) ::: May 30, 2007, 11:33 AM:

By the way, CatWoman was on TV last night.

#4 ::: ajay ::: (view all by) ::: May 30, 2007, 11:40 AM:

LOLcat for the Makers
John Dunbar (c. 1500)

I that in heill wes and gladnes
Am trublit now with great sicknes
My sicklie stait is no surprise:
IM IN UR BASE KILIN UR GUYZ.

Death sovran is of all the tubez,
Of rich, of poor, of l33t, of n00bz;
No mortal shal escaip his eyis:
IM IN UR BASE KILIN UR GUYZ.

Al flesh is dust; we are but bones;
Baith knight and maid he freely pwns;
Against his glanse brooks no disguyse;
IM IN UR BASE KILIN UR GUYZ.

He draws al to his dark bucket;
Whoe'er ye be, ye're surely f***kit;
The Walrus wil not sympathise;
IM IN UR BASE KILIN UR GUYZ.

Our base are al belong to Death
And have done since our natal breath
(This point I'd like to emphasise):
IM IN UR BASE KILIN UR GUYZ.

#5 ::: Jakob ::: (view all by) ::: May 30, 2007, 11:52 AM:

Abi: I'm beginning to worry as to quite why I have cats...

ajay: Most excellent. I can see we're in for a treat on this thread.

#6 ::: Serge ::: (view all by) ::: May 30, 2007, 11:55 AM:

Eatin ur mouses an axin fr milk…

I don't know of any cat who asks for anything. A cat who demands, yes... Nonetheless, I enjoyed your poem in spite of the gross error in its biological facts.

#7 ::: abi ::: (view all by) ::: May 30, 2007, 11:57 AM:

ajay @4
kekeke

#8 ::: ajay ::: (view all by) ::: May 30, 2007, 12:01 PM:

If I knew 12th century Tuscan, I could go further than

UR IN HEL NOW

LASCIATE OGNI SPERANZA :-(

#9 ::: Jakob ::: (view all by) ::: May 30, 2007, 12:06 PM:

>UR IN HEL NOW
>U SEEZ A LAKE OF BURNIN FIRE
>U HAZ NO HOPE

N

>BEATRIZ IZ NOT THIS WAI

E

>BEATRIZ IZ NOT THIS WAI

S

>O NOES U IS EATIN BY A GRUE
>KTHX BAI

#10 ::: Teresa Nielsen Hayden ::: (view all by) ::: May 30, 2007, 12:15 PM:

Ajay, the definition of a three-point round of cataplexy is when something is so funny that it makes me fall out of my well-braced chair. It doesn't happen often.

You shoot, you score.

#11 ::: ajay ::: (view all by) ::: May 30, 2007, 12:16 PM:

Text-based Divine Comedy. Fantastic. Why has no one thought of this before? Though the later levels of the game could be a little dull.

>You are on the Sphere of the Fixed Stars.
>Several thousand cherubim are here.
>St Bernard of Clairvaux is here.
>Beatrice is here.

CONTEMPLATE GOD'S LOVE

>You contemplate God's love.
>Time passes...

CONTEMPLATE GOD'S LOVE.

>You contemplate God's love.
>Time passes...
>St Bernard of Clairvaux is talking about Faith.

LISTEN TO BERNARD

>He is a saint, you know!

LISTEN TO ST BERNARD

>St Bernard of Clairvaux discusses the nature of Faith for a canto and a half.
>Time passes...

CONTEMPLATE CREATION

>You meditate on the Creation.
>St Bernard of Clairvaux has finished talking.

UP

>You ascend to the Empyrean.
>EMPYREAN
>God is here.
>The Virgin Mary is here
>St Anne is here.
>Beatrice is here.

FEEL BLISS

>You feel bliss.

And so on.

#12 ::: ajay ::: (view all by) ::: May 30, 2007, 12:19 PM:

#5, #7, #10: Gosh. IM IN UR THRED SWELIN WIF PRIDE.

#13 ::: Serge ::: (view all by) ::: May 30, 2007, 12:48 PM:

Les minous
Sont tous fous.

#14 ::: Garrett Fitzgerald ::: (view all by) ::: May 30, 2007, 01:38 PM:

Have you seen this one yet? :-)

I is a kitty and I has good fun
I is entertaining everyone
Dint used to be an internet icon
Till my mom got a digital Nikon

#15 ::: Fragano Ledgister ::: (view all by) ::: May 30, 2007, 02:06 PM:

abi, as always, is wonderful.

Inspired (if that is the word) by ajay and with profoundest apologies to William Dunbar and, of course, our noble hostess:

I that in heill wes, and gladnes,
am trublit now with grete seikness,
and feblit with infermitee;
TNH disemvowelleth mee.

The stait of noob doth never vary,
ne'er sound, ne'er weill, bot alwaies sary;
baith riche and puir of all degre,
TNH disemvowelleth mee.

She takis the haxor in the stour,
the Bushite closit in the tower;
hir awfulle strak may no troll flee:
TNH disemvoelleth mee.

Art-magicianis and astrologis,
rhetoris, logicianis, and theologis,
thame helpith no conclusionis slee;
TNH disemvowelleth mee.

I se that regulars maun not escape,
for all that they do bow and scrape;
all are cast into deepeth sea,
TNH disemvowelleth mee.

Good maistre Gregory Londoun
could nat escape in the afternoon;
and manie mair in this countre;
TNH disemvowelleth mee.

Tis a mattre of grete regret
we see na mair Public Radio Vet;
for all that he lacked curtesye,
TNH disemvowelleth mee.

Sen she hath all my brether tane,
she will nat let me post allane;
on forse I maun her next prey be --
TNH disemvowelleth mee.

Sen for the flame remeid is sure,
tis best that we accept the cure.
The mistris proud of all we see,
TNH disemvowelleth mee.


#16 ::: Fragano Ledgister ::: (view all by) ::: May 30, 2007, 02:14 PM:

1 (0u|d 1nd173 4 50nn37 5w337,
17 w0u|d n07 83 4 817 0f 7r0u8|3;
7h3 k377|3 w1|| 4|w4y5 801| 4nd 8u88|3,
1'|| 74k3 7h3 w316h7 r16h7 0ff my f337.
()u751d3, p|4n75 w1|7 1n 7h3 6r347 h347
8u7 1 kn0w 1'm n07 5331n6 d0u8|3;
my 834rd 15 6r0wn, 17 15 n07 57u88|3,
4nd 1 4m 0n3 0f 7h3 6r347 |337.
|\/|y v3r53 w1|| f|0w |1k3 (|34n357 (0d3,
1'm 601n6 70 pwn 7h3 un1v3r53
wh1|3 |1v1n6 w17h my m4m 4nd d4d.
()f 53(r37 1|)5 1'v3 607 4 |04d;
y0u 7h1nk y0u'r3 84d, 8u7 1 4m w0r53,
1'm r34||y, 7ru|y, 7074||y 84d.

#17 ::: Linkmeister ::: (view all by) ::: May 30, 2007, 02:31 PM:

Fragano @ #16, at some point there's going to need to be the equivalent of a ROT-13 translator to make this all clear to the n00bz.

(Or maybe there already is.)

#18 ::: Teresa Nielsen Hayden ::: (view all by) ::: May 30, 2007, 02:31 PM:

Bravo, Fragano. I can read everything but the third cluser in the third-to-last line.

#19 ::: Mary Dell ::: (view all by) ::: May 30, 2007, 02:31 PM:

im in ur fridge
eatin ur plums
sorry
they wuz delish

#20 ::: Dan Layman-Kennedy ::: (view all by) ::: May 30, 2007, 02:33 PM:

im in ur izebox
eetin ur plumz

#21 ::: Dan Layman-Kennedy ::: (view all by) ::: May 30, 2007, 02:34 PM:

Dammit! Crosspostz!

#22 ::: Teresa Nielsen Hayden ::: (view all by) ::: May 30, 2007, 02:37 PM:

Whoops, I completely missed the Fragano's preceding Lament. Bravo again!

I thought Public Radio Vet showed grace under pressure. How many people could keep their composure while being growled at by that lineup? He's welcome to come back.

#23 ::: Fragano Ledgister ::: (view all by) ::: May 30, 2007, 02:44 PM:

Linkmeister #17: There is, if you use Firefox, the leetkey add-on, which is what I used to write the thing. L337 h4x0r 1 4m n07.

TNH #18: That's 'IDs'.

TNH #22: Thanks! I too hope PRV comes back.

#24 ::: Teresa Nielsen Hayden ::: (view all by) ::: May 30, 2007, 02:45 PM:

We're off and running.

Almost every time we've done a Making Light game, I've thought to myself, "Of course, nobody's going to do _______," and then they do. The other time was when Patrick told me nobody would recognize Tolkien as written by Gerrard Winstanley, and by the time we got home from work that night, two people had identified it.

#26 ::: Howard Peirce ::: (view all by) ::: May 30, 2007, 03:07 PM:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

INVIZIBLE PASTICHE!
#27 ::: Larry Brennan ::: (view all by) ::: May 30, 2007, 03:08 PM:

From OT 84:

i 8 ur plumz, although I now realize that it should have started "o hai!"

#28 ::: Fragano Ledgister ::: (view all by) ::: May 30, 2007, 03:09 PM:

With very, very, very deep apologies to Geoffrey Chaucer:


Whanne that Septembre doth the summer ende
vnto the schooles the myriad noobs do wende;
they think nat of the trouble and the frette
that they will cause vpon the Internette.
In daies long past svch swaines wee did nat see
vntille they reched college or vniuersitie,
bot nowe at everich schole compvters waite
instrvmentes alike of childish loue and hate.
As sone as youngstre on the net doth logge
bot thatte hee (or shee) doth make an blogge,
opon the uuiche the bratte doth lightlie write
of matteres simple and of svbjectes trite:
howe one beth lamer, yet another leet,
and howe they never shalle knowe defeat.
Gentillesse and chivalrie do soffre rout
whanne these yonge men and women doe come out;
whilom there was on the Nette true cortesye
bot nowe gode manners doe from the Webbe flee.
UUee elders loke, and we ovre heads doe shake
and uuonder whether twas alle an mistake.
One thing there beth that doth drive us bats,
and thatte is all those swivinge lolcatz!

#29 ::: Diatryma ::: (view all by) ::: May 30, 2007, 03:12 PM:

What interests me is the lack of actual cats attached to the text.

#30 ::: Natalie ::: (view all by) ::: May 30, 2007, 03:20 PM:

My husband posted this to his LJ a few weeks ago. I think I got about 2/3 of the way through before I realized what he was up to.

#31 ::: Neil Willcox ::: (view all by) ::: May 30, 2007, 03:24 PM:

What interests me is the lack of actual cats attached to the text.

Which is disappointing as if we had a lot of cat poems, we could make a musical from them. If the costumes were good enough, we wouldn't even have to come up with a plot.


Since I can't rhyme anything this evening:

The cat sits legless
No response when I enter
She is not a dog


#32 ::: Serge ::: (view all by) ::: May 30, 2007, 03:24 PM:

Where's Schrödinger's Cat?

#33 ::: Nomie ::: (view all by) ::: May 30, 2007, 03:34 PM:

I laughed so hard at "INVISIBLE PASTICHE" that I ended up whanging my knee off the side of my desk.

On a related note, LOLWho over at I Has a Tardis.

#34 ::: Serge ::: (view all by) ::: May 30, 2007, 03:36 PM:

Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
Is Schrödinger's Cat dead?
That remains up to you.

#35 ::: Mary Aileen ::: (view all by) ::: May 30, 2007, 03:37 PM:

The talent here leaves me in awe.
I am afraid to write a line
For fear of looking like a fool.
But we all dance to abi’s paw,
Pinning down the slippery rhymes.
The end result is kind of cool.

#36 ::: Linkmeister ::: (view all by) ::: May 30, 2007, 03:41 PM:

Fragano @ #23: w00t! I do indeed use Firefox, but I had thus far been unaware I needed that add-on. Thanks.

#37 ::: Mary Dell ::: (view all by) ::: May 30, 2007, 03:45 PM:

oh hai! I r fog
I walk on feetz (of catz)
lookin at ur city and stuff
ok goin now

#38 ::: Zeborah ::: (view all by) ::: May 30, 2007, 03:47 PM:

Anyone who hasn't already seen this via Language Log might be interested in checking it out: IM IN UR LOOP UPPING UR VAR!!1

#39 ::: Nenya ::: (view all by) ::: May 30, 2007, 03:50 PM:

Abi--I have a younger sister of your name, and was just telling her the other day about the other Abi I knew, and how cool persons named Abi are. I am going to have to print this out to show to her--there will be lolz aplenty, even though I don't think she's discovered lolcats yet.

ajay, Speaker To Managers--brilliance as well!

#40 ::: Bruce Cohen, SpeakerToManagers ::: (view all by) ::: May 30, 2007, 03:51 PM:

abi, ajay, Jakob

IM IN UR DEBT NOW
LAPPING UP UR POSTS

#41 ::: Nenya ::: (view all by) ::: May 30, 2007, 03:54 PM:

Abi--I have a younger sister of your name, and was just telling her the other day about the other Abi I knew, and how cool persons named Abi are. I am going to have to print this out to show to her--there will be lolz aplenty, even though I don't think she's discovered lolcats yet.

ajay, Speaker To Managers, everyone else--brilliance as well!

Now I really must go or I'll get no work done this afternoon...

#42 ::: Mary Dell ::: (view all by) ::: May 30, 2007, 04:07 PM:

In ML games I'm mired.
I sink in catlike sloth.
I'm going to get fired.

My workstation is wired
To 'nets as if in troth.
In ML games I'm mired.

Those minds I have admired?
They draw me like a moth.
I'm going to get fired.

My lunch break has transpired.
To get to work I'm loth.
In ML games I'm mired.

For sysad I was hired.
I'll make my bosses wroth.
I'm going to get fired.

Of I.T. I'm so tired.
I'm cut from different cloth.
In ML games I'm mired.
I'm going to get fired.

#43 ::: Nenya ::: (view all by) ::: May 30, 2007, 04:40 PM:

(halp, doublepostz! but the poesy was worth double praise)

#44 ::: Xopher ::: (view all by) ::: May 30, 2007, 04:52 PM:

i in ur japan
sevent33n sy11ablez iz
rly shrt peomz

#45 ::: abi ::: (view all by) ::: May 30, 2007, 05:11 PM:

Nenya,

For my part, thank you. But I've been far, far outdone on this thread.

As, indeed, I expected to be. And am happy to be.

When I grew up, I was the only Abi or Abigail anywhere. The name has since exploded into popularity, which has not yet ceased to bemuse me.

#46 ::: Mary Dell ::: (view all by) ::: May 30, 2007, 05:21 PM:

Ajay @ #4: love it

#47 ::: eric ::: (view all by) ::: May 30, 2007, 05:43 PM:

o hai
I'm in your fic
seducing yr legolas

#48 ::: Mary Dell ::: (view all by) ::: May 30, 2007, 06:09 PM:

eric @ #47

seducing yr legolas

LOL

#49 ::: Bruce Cohen, SpeakerToManagers ::: (view all by) ::: May 30, 2007, 06:51 PM:

Hai
Im waibak in time in Arachosia killing ur klopts.
Suzdal R God.

#50 ::: Bruce Cohen, SpeakerToManagers ::: (view all by) ::: May 30, 2007, 06:53 PM:

Im in ur twisty passages
eatin ur plover
plugh

#51 ::: Fragano Ledgister ::: (view all by) ::: May 30, 2007, 07:01 PM:

Hai
im in ur doon
h8ting on bene gesserit

#52 ::: abi ::: (view all by) ::: May 30, 2007, 07:03 PM:

Hai
I R Vulcan
I have no emotionz
LOL

#53 ::: Bruce Cohen, SpeakerToManagers ::: (view all by) ::: May 30, 2007, 07:12 PM:

Im in ur DRM
eatin ur rights
mousey tastez better

#54 ::: Xopher ::: (view all by) ::: May 30, 2007, 07:14 PM:

Fragano 51:

hai
im in ur seech
drpwning ur wurmz

#55 ::: Bruce Cohen, SpeakerToManagers ::: (view all by) ::: May 30, 2007, 07:19 PM:

Felines, nothing more than felines,
trying to pick up my felines that play
Yarn balls rolling on the floor,
trying to pick up my felines that play


Felines, wo-o-o felines,
Wo-o-o, felines jump outta my arms

#56 ::: Dave Bell ::: (view all by) ::: May 30, 2007, 07:26 PM:

hai
Im in ur put0r
Bug huntin

#57 ::: Jon Meltzer ::: (view all by) ::: May 30, 2007, 07:39 PM:

I l0v dm litl mouseyz
Mouseyz what I l0v 2 eat
Bite teh litl hedz off
Nibl on teh tinE f33t

#58 ::: Fragano Ledgister ::: (view all by) ::: May 30, 2007, 07:39 PM:

Xopher #54:

Hai

Im in ur selamlik
pwning ur padishah

#59 ::: Larry Brennan ::: (view all by) ::: May 30, 2007, 07:52 PM:

o hai!
i'm in ur n3utr4l zon3
annoyin teh romulanz
pwnx0rin ur shi3ldz
LOLz!

#60 ::: Alan Braggins ::: (view all by) ::: May 30, 2007, 07:56 PM:

#33 More LOLWho at http://nostalgia-lj.livejournal.com/1312928.html

#61 ::: Marilee ::: (view all by) ::: May 30, 2007, 07:58 PM:

I'm not writing, but I give you the ultimate cat cartoon.

#62 ::: adamsj ::: (view all by) ::: May 30, 2007, 08:06 PM:

Im in ur dezrt
feedin ur despr
lol kbye
Pzymdns

#63 ::: Julie L. ::: (view all by) ::: May 30, 2007, 08:31 PM:

Im n yr crypt st4kin yr s1r3
h3 g0tz n0e s0l3z nao 4ft4r t3h butts3cks LOLz
kthxbai

#64 ::: Rebecca Borgstrom ::: (view all by) ::: May 30, 2007, 08:47 PM:

James Dobson Projecting, Tellingly, Onto His Cat

**

I maded you a promise to uphold your house
But I sunked ur bones in quick-destroying limes
And turnt ur flesh to timber for all time
Toppled ur bucket; lold ur boughs
And eated your ecstacy that miaos
Pushed u, sir, to the point where
U bore a little more than u could bear

Not the arch and
Not the corner
Of this noble fabric u has builded
But I made your laundry gilded
And for my second work of grace
I freed u up some counter space
Hid in curtins.
Saw u there.
U bared a little more than I could bare.

K sorry
Sorry
I atone
In dismal sorrow
Wif this cone

#65 ::: Mary Dell ::: (view all by) ::: May 30, 2007, 08:48 PM:

Im in ur slushpile
workin on my psychosis

#66 ::: Nancy C ::: (view all by) ::: May 30, 2007, 08:53 PM:

Julie L, I beg to differ. This is the ultimate cat cartoon.

#67 ::: Kiwi ::: (view all by) ::: May 30, 2007, 09:04 PM:

In re:
"I that in heill wes and gladnes
Am trublit now with great sicknes
My sicklie stait is no surprise:
IM IN UR BASE KILIN UR GUYZ."

Timor kitteh conturbat meh! LOL! You rock!

#68 ::: Julie L. ::: (view all by) ::: May 30, 2007, 09:21 PM:

Nancy @66: m4r1L33 iz in yr #61, p01nt0rz @ t00nz.

I iz tyg4r burn1nz br1t3
In yr f0r3stz 0f t3h n1t3
WHUT da m4x l33t h4ndz 0r 3y3z
Fr4m3z0rd mah f33rfl 5mmtryz?

In yr sekr1t d33pz n skyz
In yr b4s3 pwnin yr guyz
C4n iz I t3h w4r3z b1n h4xt?
C4n I h4z sum pr0n plzthx?

Tyg4r iz l33t burnz0r d00d
1ns1de yr b4s3 34tin yr f00d.

#69 ::: Lila ::: (view all by) ::: May 30, 2007, 09:47 PM:

*sigh*

I have never had such a good time while simultaneously being made to feel really stupid by so many cool people.

#70 ::: Greg London ::: (view all by) ::: May 30, 2007, 10:00 PM:

This is way harder than I thought.
This is all I got:

ATEOTD, it wuz drear-age
i wuz thinkin, pwned, an phr33kage
r34din pr0n, an playn warez.
i in ur bed, take ur nappin,
wehn dis haxor getz kekeke'in,
kekeke'in @ my skreenage.
sum trolz wuz eatin lamerz,
IMHO, LOLz.

IIRC, it wuz Decembrage.
N da luzzers wuz pwnage
as i ROTF.
ZOMG, I wantin 2B L8R,
i STFW, WTF? W/E
i searchin 4 d tweedler.
4 d GR8 tweedler haxor,
no alias no RL no more

#71 ::: Diatryma ::: (view all by) ::: May 30, 2007, 10:07 PM:

IM IN UR MEMRY
BEIN ONSTAGE

I've been trying to come up with something better than that all day. I bow to you, Fluorosphere, for you are great.

#72 ::: Kathryn from Sunnyvale ::: (view all by) ::: May 30, 2007, 10:14 PM:

oh, hai,
We can has heavenz and erz?
Im in ur void, separatin ur darknez
We can has expanz?
We can has bukkits?
Im in ur plaz, gathrin ur lanz
We can has veg?
Im in ur lanz, goodin ur seedz
We can has litez?
Im in ur sky, makin ur daz
We can has prey?
Im in ur lanz, kindin ur live
We can has catz?
Catz has likenez.
Rly ok, thx

We can has rest?
Has rest
oh, hai
We can has detalez?
Im in ur fields, formin ur duzt
We can has edin?
Im in ur faz, makin the rulz
We can has peeps?
Im in ur sleep, takin ur ribz
Invisible clothz
BRB
Rly ok

U can has frutz?
Do not want di
Teh frutz is lava
U can has wizdim?
want frutz
death has a flavor lol
oh, hai, back, wheru?
Visible figleef
OMG rly sori
Invisible legz
Invisible desirz
Visible sweatz
Visible sword

#73 ::: Nancy C ::: (view all by) ::: May 30, 2007, 10:38 PM:

Julie L: Oops!

2 b r no7 2 b
iz qu3s710n

mmm sunb34m

b

#74 ::: Tania ::: (view all by) ::: May 30, 2007, 10:45 PM:

In ur l337 jun6|3
5|33p1n6 2nite

TUNA? kthxbai!

#75 ::: adamsj ::: (view all by) ::: May 30, 2007, 11:06 PM:

Okay, now I'm ashamed of myself. And this is harder than it seems!

#76 ::: Daniel Martin ::: (view all by) ::: May 30, 2007, 11:07 PM:

HAI SAM

IM IN UR HAUS,
IN UR BOX,
WIT UR MAUS,
WIT UR FOX,
ON UR TRAIN,
IN UR CAR,
IN UR RAIN,
IN UR DARK,
EATIN UR GREEN EGGZ AND HAMZ.

#77 ::: Eric K ::: (view all by) ::: May 30, 2007, 11:51 PM:

Im in ur Xanadu,
eatin ur laudanum.
Oh noes! Doorknock!

#78 ::: Bruce Cohen (SpeakerToManagers) ::: (view all by) ::: May 31, 2007, 12:04 AM:

|_|r 8453 4m 1 1n
|16h7-5483r1n6 ur d00dz
m3 7h3 f0r(3 15 w17h
L()LY0d4

#79 ::: Bruce Cohen (SpeakerToManagers) ::: (view all by) ::: May 31, 2007, 12:22 AM:

1m 1n ur (453 |\|16h7m4r3 6r33n
n188|1n6 0n ur 73n74(|35
(h3wy, k7nx841

#80 ::: Dave Luckett ::: (view all by) ::: May 31, 2007, 12:47 AM:

Doodz, ths txtng ant 4 uz
dnt lol tht aino way.
me hooby ris sardonicus
iz riz n out, kk?

sumcatz txt cz thr noobs & dum
mayB they aino pandit
Bt me try til me hed is num
I still can't understand it.

#81 ::: Greg London ::: (view all by) ::: May 31, 2007, 12:50 AM:

me@70: OK, I give up. I tried to come up with a stanza where the Raven says Nevermore and got bupkiss. Nothing. Nada. I'm tapped.

#82 ::: Bruce Cohen (SpeakerToManagers) ::: (view all by) ::: May 31, 2007, 01:15 AM:

Dood, im in ur = ack! hairball!

#83 ::: Kate Salter Jackson ::: (view all by) ::: May 31, 2007, 01:26 AM:

hai,


Catz sleepin anywhre, 'ny tabls, 'ny chairs.
T0p uv piano, windoe-ledge, in da middul, on de edge,
0pn drawz, emty shooz, ennybody's lap ull do.
Fitted inna cahdbord bx, innda cubbord wit ur froks,
'Nywhre! We's don't care! Catz slep 'nywhre!

kbai - i's sleepin now

#84 ::: pat greene ::: (view all by) ::: May 31, 2007, 04:15 AM:

Me, too, Lila, me too.

#85 ::: ajay ::: (view all by) ::: May 31, 2007, 04:57 AM:

O HAI
IM OZYMANDIAS
RSPCT MA AUTHORITAH

#86 ::: ajay ::: (view all by) ::: May 31, 2007, 05:25 AM:

#72:
o hai
im jacob
im in ur canaan
begettin ur chosen peeps

o noes! invisible angel!

#87 ::: Del ::: (view all by) ::: May 31, 2007, 05:45 AM:

me@70: OK, I give up. I tried to come up with a stanza where the Raven says Nevermore and got bupkiss.

I MADED YOU A STANZA
BUT I DELETED IT

or

DOOR RAVEN IS WATCHING YOU MASTURBATE

#88 ::: Alex ::: (view all by) ::: May 31, 2007, 05:53 AM:

R LOLcatz could walk
r dcentlee stalk
down Olympus they fell
from ze armz of miz MkngL33t

Tho 10 yrs in al
wr conzumed by teh fall
we cd has missed ur cheezburger
n hax0red less sw33t

was sonst noch? der LOLkatz hackt gern ein Webserver/am Abend im Rechenzentrum/das stkrt die Verdauungskraft/und l33tet die Cheezburger..

#89 ::: Alex ::: (view all by) ::: May 31, 2007, 05:54 AM:

R LOLcatz could walk
r dcentlee stalk
down Olympus they fell
from ze armz of miz MkngL33t

Tho 10 yrs in al
wr conzumed by teh fall
we cd has missed ur cheezburger
n hax0red less sw33t

was sonst noch? der LOLkatz hackt gern ein Webserver/am Abend in Rechenzentren/das stkrt die Verdauungskraft/und l33tet die Cheezburger..(repeated to post to pluralise "Rechenzentrum" and fix rhyme scheme)

#90 ::: Jon Meltzer ::: (view all by) ::: May 31, 2007, 06:31 AM:

IM IN UR LAB
IN UR BOX
AM I DED
ONLY KWANTUM THEERIE KNOWZ


#91 ::: Jakob ::: (view all by) ::: May 31, 2007, 06:39 AM:

I blame the muses here. For the idea I mean; if the stresses or rhymes are off, it's entirely my own fault.

On the Production of Luminosity

All hail the glorious Fluorosphere!
All knowledge is found on this site
Bookbinders, knitters, are found here
And many more are Making Light.

This is a gift economy,
The currency: posts shining bright
We lay them out for all to see
and hope they please at Making Light.

We may be frivolous sometimes,
But never ignore others' plight,
Humane and kindly are our minds
This is the strength of Making Light

We speak round here of matters that
Do challenge those that have great might
And yet we speak here too of CATZ
For we are great at Making Light.

From dinosaurs to sodomy,
Our threads are woven; and the sight
of tapestries produced thusly,
graces the walls of Making Light

A band of poets too is here
Each spurs another to great height
My humble contribution this
To the discourse at Making Light

A final thought: the posts you see
Teresa's pruned, oft through the night
So let us all with comity
produce our best at Making Light

Post scriptum:

A thanks to posters all from me:
You help me check my thoughts are right,
And this is why I'm proud to be
A commentor on Making Light

#92 ::: David Goldfarb ::: (view all by) ::: May 31, 2007, 06:47 AM:

Lila@69:

I have never had such a good time while simultaneously being made to feel really stupid by so many cool people.
I'M IN UR COMMENTZ
AGREEING UR SENTIMENTZ

Natalie@30: Wow! That's really cool. I suppose I should go and post saying so there....

(I got what he was doing right in the prologue, though, since I remembered who Cats was.)

#93 ::: Mary Dell ::: (view all by) ::: May 31, 2007, 07:53 AM:

Kathryn from Sunnyvale @ #72: excellent.

#94 ::: Greg London ::: (view all by) ::: May 31, 2007, 08:31 AM:

hai, i iz in3g0 m0nt0y4
u KOS mai f4th3r
DIAF


#95 ::: Neil Willcox ::: (view all by) ::: May 31, 2007, 08:34 AM:

I don't think this really works but:

im in ur h31mz d33p
killin ur guyz
uruk hai

#96 ::: abi ::: (view all by) ::: May 31, 2007, 08:42 AM:

Rich man can has girl.

Bngli: i can has dance?
J4N3: k
l12: i can has dance too?
DarC: no u ugly go way
l12: LOLz
Bngli: BRB

MrC0lnz: l12 i can has heart?
l12: no gway
Chrltt: u can has me
MrC0lnz: K BRB

Wikm: IM IN UR TOWN SEDUCIN UR DAUTERS
lyd14: o hai

DarC: i can has heart?
l12: no gway u rude

l12: IM IN UR PEMBERLEY ADMIRIN UR STUFF
DarC: hai
l12: OMG thought u were AFK!!1!

J4N3: OMG lyd14 & Wikm BFF
l12: WTF?
lyd14: i can has wikm, k?
Wikm: i can has $$$? LOL
DarC: k

Bngli: hai, back. i can has heart?
J4N3: k lol
DarC: back
l12: thx 4 ur help
DarC: i can has heart?
l12: k lol

#97 ::: TexAnne ::: (view all by) ::: May 31, 2007, 08:45 AM:

abi: u can has me kthx!

#98 ::: abi ::: (view all by) ::: May 31, 2007, 08:52 AM:

Neil,
It works.

Everyone,
Wow. I'm delighted to be so thoroughly outclassed so many times.

And I can't convey how strange it is to see my name over & over again in the Recent Comments section. The background processing section of my brain, which catches on things that the foreground should stop and pay attention to, has a bad case of the hiccups as a result.

LOLz

#99 ::: Xopher ::: (view all by) ::: May 31, 2007, 08:54 AM:

abi can has me admir31n6n355
me hat3z be sm4rt357 1 in r00m
n3v3r 4m w/ abi h33r

#100 ::: TexAnne ::: (view all by) ::: May 31, 2007, 09:06 AM:

s33krit msg 2 eggzopher: im in ur yah00 ritin u emailz!

#101 ::: Jakob ::: (view all by) ::: May 31, 2007, 09:21 AM:

I R TUCHIN LIVE WIRES
HAI VOLTAGE

#102 ::: Jo Walton ::: (view all by) ::: May 31, 2007, 09:22 AM:

Surely it would be:

Im on yr pallid bust of pallas,
quothing yr nevermore?

#103 ::: Howard Peirce ::: (view all by) ::: May 31, 2007, 09:39 AM:

LOLbeats:

1: OH NOES!!1! Mah bestest minds asplode!

2: Can I has new rebirth of freedom?

#104 ::: Howard Peirce ::: (view all by) ::: May 31, 2007, 09:45 AM:

One more LOLbeat:

IM IN UR ROADZ BUMMIN UR DHARMA

#105 ::: Dave Luckett ::: (view all by) ::: May 31, 2007, 10:17 AM:

Jeepers.

Not only most of Western literature as text, but a three-beat villanelle from Mary Dell?

Holy leaping two rhymes throughout, Batman.

#106 ::: Emmet ::: (view all by) ::: May 31, 2007, 10:20 AM:

OH NOES !! I IS SUDDENLY TRANSFORMD INTO MONSTRUS INSECT !!

[ "Hey, guys, you won't believe the size of the bug I just squished in Gregor's room." ]

#107 ::: Emmet ::: (view all by) ::: May 31, 2007, 10:20 AM:

OH NOES !! I IS SUDDENLY TRANSFORMD INTO MONSTRUS INSECT !!

[ "Hey, guys, you won't believe the size of the bug I just squished in Gregor's room." ]

#108 ::: Malthus ::: (view all by) ::: May 31, 2007, 10:24 AM:

Macavity iz Mystery Cat; can has Invisible Paw.
Iz master crimnl, breakin all ur law
Scotland Yard no can has him, Flyin Squad no wai,
4 when they in ur scene of crime, Macavity AFK.

#109 ::: ajay ::: (view all by) ::: May 31, 2007, 10:39 AM:

#91: as so many others, this goes well to the tune of "The Ballad of the Green Berets".

Which of course makes me think of:

W1llrd: omfg still in saigon!!!
W1llrd: saigon=teh lam3
W1llrd: am st0nd
W1llrd: BRB
MPGuy: o hai
MPGuy: UOK W1llrd?
W1llrd: I can has missn pls?

W1llrd: im in ur base
W1llrd: eatin ur shrimp
GNRL: Krtz gon nutz!!
GNRL: total phsycko
GNRL: psycho sorry
GNRL: LOL
GNRL: u ownz0r Krtz?
CIADUDE: ownz0r wif xtrm prejudice
W1llrd: k

K1LG0R: charlie ur pwned!!
K1LGOR: am on ur beech
K1LGOR: surfin ur wave
K1LGOR: LOL
CHARLIE: im in ur huey
CHARLIE: im blowin u up!!! ur pwned GI!!!
K1LGOR: o hai i can has napalm?
USAF: k
USAF: visible napalm
K1LGOR: kthx
K1LGOR: mmm smellz
K1LGOR: beer!!! LOL

KRTZ: im in ur jungl
KRTZ: extrminatin ur brutez
KRTZ: W1llrd ur pwned!
KRTZ: ur soldr W1llrd?

Lance: wher ru W1llrd?
Lance: I can has B-52?

KRTZ: teh horror!
KRTZ: teh horror!

#110 ::: adamsj ::: (view all by) ::: May 31, 2007, 10:43 AM:

I r 1shma3l

#111 ::: Eimear Ní Mh&eacuteal&oacuteid ::: (view all by) ::: May 31, 2007, 10:45 AM:

im in mi monastery
doin mi job
all nite
writin wurdz

pangurcatz in mi monastery
doin his job
all nite
catchin micez

i can has wizdum
he can has micez
weez gud (practiz!)
uz LOL

#112 ::: Faren Miller ::: (view all by) ::: May 31, 2007, 10:55 AM:

I'm enjoying this thread, even though text messaging is mostly a MrE 2ME. (I guess 2B R NO2B is too obvious -- not that I really know how to text that either!)

All this, plus the occasional cat....

#113 ::: Dan Layman-Kennedy ::: (view all by) ::: May 31, 2007, 10:56 AM:

I can has peach?
O HAI MERMAIDZ! kbai :(


And a LOLbeat for Howard Peirce:

im in ur heroenn vishun
havn teh buttseks

#114 ::: TomB ::: (view all by) ::: May 31, 2007, 10:57 AM:

IZ IN UR HORS
TAKIN UR BASE

#115 ::: Jon Meltzer ::: (view all by) ::: May 31, 2007, 11:00 AM:

At strt wuz l33t
& l33t wuz wth catz
& l33t wuz catz lol

#116 ::: Alex ::: (view all by) ::: May 31, 2007, 11:16 AM:

Al cheez is canxd; we must say kthnxbye
We ntrn tonite for teh North
N teh morning will see teh serverz wr doomed to ahax0r;
sno down to teh raisedfloor.
we will lol out thurr

Meanwhile on F6, the LOLcode dev team have finished...sorree..has got a PERL interpreter!

#118 ::: Teresa Nielsen Hayden ::: (view all by) ::: May 31, 2007, 12:12 PM:

> IM IN UR MEADHALL EATIN UR GUYZ
> wh@ h4pn!!
> 5umbdy set up utz t3h 6renz0r!!
> hai I r hiro can I has arm?
> OH NOES :(
> oh hai mom
> 4lL UR C4RLZ 4R3 83l0N9 T0 u2.
> i move zig make ur time.
> PWND :( :( :(

#119 ::: abi ::: (view all by) ::: May 31, 2007, 12:19 PM:

teh ph3ll0wshp ov teh ring

81L80: i can has pRty!!1!
81L80: kthxby
phr0d0: i can has qi8 lif?
6&lf: no
s4m: i can has lvs?
6&lf: k ttyl

4r460rn: o hai
4r460rn: ping 6&lf
6&lf: [AFK]
nz6L: i can has ring?
phr0d0: i is stabid
Rw3n: hai

Lr0nD: i can has council
80r0mr: gndr can has ring?
6&lf: no.
6&lf: ring is teh bad.
Lr0nD: go break ring b4 we get pwned
phr0d0: kbye

P1P&: i in ur m0r14 dropin ur stonz
84lrg: hai 6&lf
6&lf: o hai
phr0d0: DNFTT!
6&lf: bye

G4l4dr3L: o hai
G4l4dr3L: ping 6&lf
6&lf: [AFK]
phr0d0: u want ring?
G4l4dr3L: nthx
G4l4dr3L: u can has prezents
61ml1: i can has hair?
G4l4dr3L: k
phr0d0: kbye

80r0mr: i can has ring?
phr0d0: no
phr0d0: bye

s4m: i can come?
phr0d0: k

rx: uruk hai*
80r0mr: i is stabid
80r0mr: \a
80r0mr: bye
MRY: i m pwned!
P1P&: me2

-----
* thx Neil

#120 ::: abi ::: (view all by) ::: May 31, 2007, 12:20 PM:

teh 2 twrz

4r460rn: o hai
30m1r: hai
4r460rn: i can has frendz?
30mir: ded
30mir: u can has hrses
4r460rn: kthxbye
30mir: bye

rk: i can has leg?
P1P&: no
P1p&: bye
MRY: bye
Treebeard: Hello.
MRY: hai
P1P&: hai
Treebeard: What are you doing here?
P1P&: we're in ur forest bein ur frends
Treebeard: What odd creatures you are, to be sure.
Treebeard: Hoom.
MRY: R we frendz?
Treebeard: You are very hasty.
Treebeard: I think we need to talk.
P1P&: k

6&lf: o hai
4r460rn: OMG WTF??!?
61ml1: me2
L36ol45: me3
G&lf: ping Th30dn
Th30dn: [no reply]
Wrmtng: im in ur hall controlin ur king
G&lf: gway
Wrmtng: kbye
G&lf: ping Th30dn
Th30dn: ohai thx
G&lf: ttyl

30wyn: i can has 4r460rn?
4r460rn: no
rx: im in ur h3lmz d33p sloterin ur d00dz
G&lf: ohai
rx: i is stabit

G&lf: ohai
MRY: hai
G1ml1: i can has pipeweed?
P1P&: k
S4R-m4n: ttyl
P1P&: i can has shiny rock?
G&lf: no
G&lf: shiny rock is teh bad.
P1P&: i in ur bedrool steelin ur rox
P1P&: o no shiny rok is teh bad.
G&lf: :rolleyes:

phr0d0: im in ur mountains climin ur rox
60lm: i can has ring? preshz?
s4m: no
s4m: 60lm is teh bad
phr0d0: r we frendz?
60lm: k
s4m: 3l3phants! LOL!
f4r4m1r: ohai
f4r4m1r: i can has ring?
phr0d0: no
phr0d0: ring is teh bad
60lm: i can has fish?
f4r4m1r: no
f4r4m1r: ttyl

5h3l0b: I CAN HAS MEAT?
s4m: no
5h3l0b: I IS STABID
s4m: i can has ring
sh4gr4t: i can has hobbit

#121 ::: abi ::: (view all by) ::: May 31, 2007, 12:22 PM:

Sorry, but the third part will be a bit...RL calls.

#122 ::: Nicole J. LeBoeuf-Little ::: (view all by) ::: May 31, 2007, 12:27 PM:

oh noes! dark!
im in ur old age, cussin
DO NOT WANT!

(Category: villanelle pastiches I won't be completing anytime soon)

#123 ::: dajt ::: (view all by) ::: May 31, 2007, 12:27 PM:

I'm not going to even try to write any text, but the soundtrack for this thread can be found here.

#124 ::: Jon Meltzer ::: (view all by) ::: May 31, 2007, 12:27 PM:

118: Where's the traditional opening "W00T!" ?

#125 ::: Nicole J. LeBoeuf-Little ::: (view all by) ::: May 31, 2007, 12:28 PM:

im on ur dinosawrs
sodomizin

#126 ::: Heresiarch ::: (view all by) ::: May 31, 2007, 12:46 PM:

Assorted:

IM IN UR WEELBARRO
EATIN UR CHIKKENS

HEI LOOK A WADDERS!
FROGGEH BE JUMPIN INXORS
MAKIN SWEET SOUND LOLZ

and

"Tatha, tatha-ta, tatha-agaLOLZ" - Buddha Kitteh

...which of course makes me think of the Smokey the Bear Sutra.

#127 ::: Jon Meltzer ::: (view all by) ::: May 31, 2007, 12:56 PM:

b0mb4dl: hai d0l meri d0l ring a d0ng dll0
g0ldbry: hez ma d00d
b0mb4dl: give me ring
phr0d0: ok
ring: pwned


#128 ::: Kathryn from Sunnyvale ::: (view all by) ::: May 31, 2007, 01:25 PM:

288

o hai, Is a noob
Ur not on Utube?
k, b frienz.
oh noes! demographik trenz.

Can has linkz? cuz
I has a blog!
fillin up LJ
is teh slog.

#129 ::: Greg London ::: (view all by) ::: May 31, 2007, 01:52 PM:

c0$t3110: ping 1st
$880tt: WTF?
c0$t3110: dat 2nd
$880tt: STFU
c0$t3110: iz 3rd
$880tt: OMGWTFRUTA?
c0$t3110: datz r shrtstp


#130 ::: abi ::: (view all by) ::: May 31, 2007, 01:54 PM:

teh r37urn of teh king

d3n37h0r: ohai
6&lf: hai
MRY: im in ur city pledgin ur oathz
6&lf: :rolleyes:

30wyn: now i can has 4r460rn?
4r460rn: no
30wyn: kbye

30wyn: i can has battle?
Th30dn: no
30wyn: :-(
P1P&: i can has battle?
Th30dn: no
P1P&: :-(

4r460rn: im in ur dedpathz askin ur help
ded: k

nzgl: we on ur plen besegin ur city
6&lf: ohai
Th30dn: hai
Th30dn: i is stabid
nzgl: i can has victim?
drnhlm: no
nzgl: im an admin
nzgl: /kill drnhlm
30wyn: i wuz sockpuppet
nzgl: i is stabid

4r460rn: im in ur city bein sekritiv
4r460rn: don tell
4r460rn: i can has kngzfoil?
4r460rn: kthxbye

f4r4m1r: ohai
30wyn: hai
f4r4m1r: LOL
30wyn: LOLz

6&lf: im at ur blak get massin my armey
mouth: I HAV CLOTHZ
mouth: LOL
6&lf: :-(
mouth: KBYE

phr0d0: ohai
s4m: ohai
phr0d0: i can have ring?
s4m: k
phr0d0: im in ur wasteland sneakin around
60lm: i can have ring nou?
phr0d0: no
phr0d0: ALL UR MIDL ERTH ARE BELONG TO US
60lm: i can have finger
60lm: i is burnid

44r460rn: im in ur city bein ur king
44r460rn: i can have Rw3n
44r460rn: LOLz

S4R-m4n: im un ur Shire doin my harrowin
phr0d0: ohai
phr0d0: gway
S4R-m4n: kbye
S4R-m4n: i am stabid

s4m: i can have red book
s4m: i can have Bag End
s4m: w00t
phr0d0: kbye
s4m: kthxbye

#131 ::: Greg London ::: (view all by) ::: May 31, 2007, 01:54 PM:

Hm, didn't quite catch the flavor right. lemme try again

c0$t3110: ping 1st
$880tt: WTF?
c0$t3110: WTF b 2nd
$880tt: IDK
c0$t3110: IDK r 3rd
$880tt: OMGWTFRUTA?
c0$t3110: OMGWTFRUTA r ur shrtstp


#132 ::: Greg London ::: (view all by) ::: May 31, 2007, 02:00 PM:

| |n yr thrdz
34tn yr vwlz

#133 ::: Fragano Ledgister ::: (view all by) ::: May 31, 2007, 02:30 PM:

Abi #130: Er, I think you've got Merry and Pippin backwards (Merry stays in Rohan, Pippin goes to Gondor).

#134 ::: glinda ::: (view all by) ::: May 31, 2007, 02:57 PM:

I've been varying from speechless admiration to laughing-to-the-point-of-collapse.

Bruce Cohen @ 49: Oh. My. God. Brilliant.

(So are all the others, but that one really got to me.)

#135 ::: Lila ::: (view all by) ::: May 31, 2007, 03:05 PM:

Fragano@133: abi thus joins the exalted company of those who can't tell Merry and Pippin apart, including (by her own admission) Ursula K. LeGuin.

#136 ::: Bruce Cohen, SpeakerToManagers ::: (view all by) ::: May 31, 2007, 03:13 PM:

abi

ROTFLMAO. Of course Treebeard doesn't text! Question: is 1 ringtone enough to rule them all?

#137 ::: beth meacham ::: (view all by) ::: May 31, 2007, 03:20 PM:

LOLz I am ded.

#138 ::: Julie L. ::: (view all by) ::: May 31, 2007, 03:33 PM:

Ringtone #3 -> nekk1d skycl4d 3lf l33tz!
Ringtone #7 -> dw4rfs whut B4lr0g kan 33tz
Ringtone #9 -> m0rt4l n00b guiz g3tz k1llz
Ringtone #1 -> h4x0r w1t h1z m4d sk1llz
ROFLin ins1de ur b4s3 txtin 0n yr f0ne
STFU suxx0r n00bage coz j00 4ll b1n pwnd.

#139 ::: Diatryma ::: (view all by) ::: May 31, 2007, 03:33 PM:

Regarding Swift:

IM IN UR SATIRE
EATIN UR KIDZ

#140 ::: elise ::: (view all by) ::: May 31, 2007, 03:38 PM:

ajay, the text-based Divine Comedy has me happy beyond all words.

#141 ::: Bruce Cohen, SpeakerToManagers ::: (view all by) ::: May 31, 2007, 04:07 PM:

"Oh, very well, just this once. - H00M! -"

#142 ::: flynngrrl ::: (view all by) ::: May 31, 2007, 04:37 PM:

OH HAI
IM IN UR COPA CABANA
MACKIN ON UR LADY
I CAN HAS DIAMOND
O NOES GUN
BRB
OH HAI
O NOES OLD LADY

...

Had to delurk for this. O NOES, IRRESISTIBLE CONTEST!

#143 ::: BSD ::: (view all by) ::: May 31, 2007, 04:47 PM:

Someone did a later part:

i haz a muse! Achilles-greek is aggressive

#145 ::: Bruce Cohen, SpeakerToManagers ::: (view all by) ::: May 31, 2007, 05:20 PM:

hai
im in ur gaul
kiln ur barbs
oh noes! b4d l471n!

#146 ::: Tom Scudder ::: (view all by) ::: May 31, 2007, 05:32 PM:

Re: 119: the council of Lr0nD needs a slight edit (in bold):

Lr0nD: i can has council
80r0mr: gndr can has ring?
6&lf: stfu n00b
6&lf: ring is teh bad.
Lr0nD: go break ring b4 we get pwned
phr0d0: kbye

Also: this.

#147 ::: Eleri ::: (view all by) ::: May 31, 2007, 05:37 PM:

I had to do it. lolcat as grue

#148 ::: Kathryn from Sunnyvale ::: (view all by) ::: May 31, 2007, 05:38 PM:

[metacomment:
if you're like me, I highly recommend not reading any Emily Dickinson for the duration of this thread. Rly, 2ly, you might find yourself unable to not translate into EmiLOLy. Be like playing with a Langfordian BLIT once too often.]

#149 ::: telesilla ::: (view all by) ::: May 31, 2007, 05:41 PM:

i haz seen best of mah litter
dun in by macros
dragggin selves thru internets
lookin for cheezburgers
LOL

#150 ::: Nicole J. LeBoeuf-Little ::: (view all by) ::: May 31, 2007, 05:50 PM:

Kathryn, you undoubtedly did that on purpose. Shame on you! But I shall resist. I shall be strong. I shall not type things like "i iz ded. WTF! Fly! Catchit!" Nor shall I be guilty of pastiches beginnng "o hai, i iz deth. reddy yet?" No. I has willpower. Bukkets of it.

#151 ::: Xopher ::: (view all by) ::: May 31, 2007, 06:32 PM:

i iz 0
u?
ru 0 2?
wi iz p41r!
n0 r4t r we b4nd
n0t 0 suxx
t41k 2 mch
i iz 0
u?
ru 0 2?

#152 ::: Peter Erwin ::: (view all by) ::: May 31, 2007, 06:57 PM:

This thread is clearly approching the lolsingularity.

#153 ::: Kathryn from Sunnyvale ::: (view all by) ::: May 31, 2007, 07:04 PM:

Nicole @150,

No, hey, I plead innocent. I'm warning. Go lol anything else in the library. Do lolmagnificats and lolrequiems and lolsimovs all you want. I'm just suggesting that Emiloly's are a little too easy.

Note that when I did this, or even (in another thread) that, I didn't link directly to the texts. Even the YouTube link is merely to a nifty rock song that quotes 288(1).

I'm not making anyone go to their bookshelves. And I myself am resisting the tempta...

Bird can has fame?
Has bitez,
Has mitez,
oh noes, flitz.

-------
(1) and isn't the intarweb wonderful? I'd finished lol288 and was wondering "what kind of spoken-word versions of ED exist?" And there they were, including said Nano-man song.

#154 ::: Linkmeister ::: (view all by) ::: May 31, 2007, 07:09 PM:

telesilla @ #149, the worst (best?) of that is that the original author would probably love it.

#155 ::: Kathryn from Sunnyvale ::: (view all by) ::: May 31, 2007, 07:24 PM:

@152

I can has sun?
Invisible data
I can has starz?
Invisible data
I can has galaksiez?
Invisible data
I can has visible data?
Iz waiting
We can has visible data?
B visible light
kthxbye

#156 ::: abi ::: (view all by) ::: May 31, 2007, 07:51 PM:

OK, last one.

> i is king.
> i can has sanwich.
> i is king & i is hungry.
> ping brother richard
> [AFK]

> i can has kipr from brkfst?
> i can has cold kfc, k?
> i is king
> i can has sanwich.

> why ur in my country fitin?
> were in tewx.
> no mustard!
> o noes!
> ping brother richard
> [AFK]

> tuna pasta?
> stfu
> i can has bacon?
> blt?
> i is king.
> i can has sanwich.

> WTF?
> woodvilles in pantry?
> clarence is drinkin my boozes?
> ping brother richard.
> [AFK]

> i is king
> know how 2 run things
> so wtf is with this place?
> i is king
> i can has sanwich
> ping brother richard
> [AFK]

#157 ::: Diatryma ::: (view all by) ::: May 31, 2007, 08:03 PM:

Abi has a Internet.

Congratulations, you have won an Internet. Please collect your Internet from the collection of Internets promptly. If delivery is requested, your Internet will be processed via tubes and can be picked up at your local Internet depot between the hours of nine and three on weekdays and nine and noon on Caturday.

Heee.

#158 ::: Fragano Ledgister ::: (view all by) ::: May 31, 2007, 08:10 PM:

O hai m4nz dis0Bdnz
i has hvnli muze s1ng
s8n gets pwnd
G0d cr8z wrld
ADm & EV gettit 0n
s8n pwns G0d
ADm & EV go byez

#159 ::: Fragano Ledgister ::: (view all by) ::: May 31, 2007, 08:16 PM:

Abi #156: Somewhere, the spirit of John M. Ford is smiling.

#160 ::: Greg London ::: (view all by) ::: May 31, 2007, 08:22 PM:

drthv8or: i r in ur ship, gettin ur planz
pr!nsxlaeh: iz gotz no planz
rtodeto: w00t!
see3poh: STFU!

l00k: i h8n thiz dezert
rtodeto: w00t! (plaz pr0n)
l00k: WTF wuz dat?
see3poh: was wut?
l00k: plai it agen
see3poh: he sayz it pr0n beelonz 2 ohB1can0B.

l00k: ping rtodeto
...
l00k: ping rtodeto
...
l00k: WTF????
l00k: ping see3poh
see3poh: o hai
l00k: WTF rtodeto?
see3poh: rtodeto plaz pr0n ohB1can0B. go baibai.
l00k: $%(*%$(*%#$*

l00k: ping rtodeto
s&ppl: hai n00b
l00k: i b stabid
s&ppl: pwnd

ohB1can0B: kekekeke
s&ppl: KTHXBAI
l00k: LTNS
s&ppl: i b ded
rtodeto: w00t
l00k: diz droyd saz b ur pr0n droyd.
ohB1can0B: i not has pr0n droyd.

rtodeto: w00t
pr!nsxlaeh: i r in truble, ohB1. plz hlp.

l00k: wtf?
ohB1can0B: n00b, u need b l337.
ohB1can0B: ur fatherz liet saibur.
l00k: i can has liet saibur?
ohB1can0B: yes. u b 1337?
l00k: i nos 1337. iz n00b.

st0rmtruperz: pwnd
nklb3n: i b stabid
st0rmtruperz: pwnd
&roo: i b stabid

l00k: WTF? i n33d be 1337.
l00k: u can maik 1337?
ohB1can0B: yes


ohB1can0B: u can flai us 2 alder&?
h1$0!0: i r in ur p0rt, flyin ur a$$
ohB1can0B: kai
choobahkha: woot!
h1$0!0: i can has munee?
ohB1can0B: sum.
h1$0!0: kthxbai

gr33d0w: hai h1$0!0
h1$0!0: i pai jawbaw
gr33d0w: 2 l8. i r in ur cantina,
gr33d0w: collecting ur a$$
h1$0!0: pwnd
gr33d0w: i b stabbid

drthv8or: i can has pr0n droyd?
pr!nsxlaeh: ESAD
drthv8or: all ur base r belong to us
drthv8or: pwnd
allder&: i b stabbid


ohB1can0B: WTF?
l00k: huh?
ohB1can0B: sum1 waz just stabbid
h1$0!0: alder& was pwnd
l00k: l00k @ da m00n
ohB1can0B: daz no m00n.
h1$0!0: wee b pwnd.

ohB1can0B: i b in ur base,
ohB1can0B: turnin off ur trakt0r b34m.
l00k: i b in ur base,
l00k: reskyouin ur pr!nsx
h1$0!0: i b in ur base,
h1$0!0: koelektin mai reward.
pr!nsxlaeh: diz b a reskyou?
l00k: yes
pr!nsxlaeh: kai
choobahkha: woot!
rtodeto: w00t!
see3poh: STFU!

drthv8or: u r in mai base, gettin pwnd
ohB1can0B: n33n3r
drthv8or: pwnd
ohB1can0B: kaithxbai

h1$0!0: kaithxbai
pr!nsxlaeh: kaithxbai
l00k: kaithxbai

pr!nsxlaeh: i b in ur base wit dis pr0n droyd
jennrul: i can has planz
pr!nsxlaeh: yes
jennrul: kai

l00k: i r in ur d34th stR, torp33d0n ur vent
drthv8or: da f0rs b 1337 wit dis 1
l00k: ooop
h1$0!0: pwnd drthv8or
drthv8or: i b stabbit
l00k: i r in ur d34th stR, torp33d0n ur vent
l00k: pwnd
d34thstR: i b stabbit

l00k: woot
pr!nsxlaeh: woot
h1$0!0: woot
choobahkha: woot
rtodeto: w00t!
see3poh: STFU!

#161 ::: Howard Peirce ::: (view all by) ::: May 31, 2007, 08:35 PM:

Inspired by Greg (70, 81) and Del (87), some LOLPoe, made with LOLCat Builder:

The Murders in the Rue Morgue

The Tell-Tale Heart

A Cask of Amontillado

#162 ::: Kate_Shaw ::: (view all by) ::: May 31, 2007, 08:46 PM:

o hai I cn consider mai catz Jeoffry
4 hez in ur houz keepin the Lordz watch
4 he kissez n00b catz
4 he luvs teh sun & teh sun luvs him
4 he can cr33p
kthxbye

#163 ::: Fragano Ledgister ::: (view all by) ::: May 31, 2007, 08:54 PM:

Kate_Shaw #162: Christopher Smart, eh? Lovely.

#164 ::: Marilee ::: (view all by) ::: May 31, 2007, 09:17 PM:

Shiva says:

Tiny flashing lights
Outside the moving glass door.
Ouch! I banged my head!

#165 ::: Diatryma ::: (view all by) ::: May 31, 2007, 09:53 PM:

Greg with Star Wars, a friend of mine-- ricerurouni on Livejournal, Eliza Blair off it-- recently posted about movie cat macros. Including The Empire Strikes Back:

Luke: INVISIBLE HAND

Even without a kitty, it makes me laugh and laugh.

#166 ::: Teresa Nielsen Hayden ::: (view all by) ::: May 31, 2007, 11:15 PM:

Abi, #156 made me laugh and get sniffly at the same time.

#167 ::: Patrick Nielsen Hayden ::: (view all by) ::: May 31, 2007, 11:19 PM:

Excuse me, I'm still pounding a fist on the floor and breathing raggedly over #96! #96!! #96!!!

I mean, pwned.

#168 ::: telesilla ::: (view all by) ::: May 31, 2007, 11:27 PM:

i'm in ur tulgey woodz
vorpal bladin' ur jabberwokz

#169 ::: Susan ::: (view all by) ::: June 01, 2007, 12:05 AM:

I in ur catz thred, peepz all round, readin them lolpostz to storyrederz. Big hit, catz thred. Thx.

#170 ::: Susan ::: (view all by) ::: June 01, 2007, 12:09 AM:

I in ur lolthred, nitpickg ur postz. abi @ #96, u say Crlin, I t u m 2 say Chrltt, just sayn.

#171 ::: Nomie ::: (view all by) ::: June 01, 2007, 12:51 AM:

t3l3m4x0s: invisible daddy
su1t0rz: IN UR HALL, EATIN UR CHEEZBURGERS
0dyss3us: i can has ithaka?
p0s31dwn: NO WAI
...
4th3n4: o hai i upgraded ur hero
n4us1c44: i can has stranger man?
0dyss3us: i has a wife :(
...
p0lyph3mus: a/s/l?
0dyss3us: no u
p0lyph3mus: pwned :(
p0s31dwn: o hai cursin ur ship nao
...
c1rc3: lolz p1gg3d
0dyss3us: go 2 underworld y/n?
c1rc3: wait i fix it
...
bulls: nooo dun eet us
d00dz: can has cheezburgers!
4p0ll0: no can has cheezburgers!
d00dz: pwned :(
0dyss3us: noooo they be killin mah d00dz
...
p3n3l0p3: invisable shroud!
su1t0rz: wtf n0 visable shroud?!
...
0dyss3us: noooo they be steelin mah wife
4x3h34dz: ARROWED!!!
4th3n4: IN UR OIKOS, KILLIN UR D00DZ
p3n3l0p3: omg hawt
0dyss3us: it is can be sex tiem nao?

#172 ::: Gale ::: (view all by) ::: June 01, 2007, 01:57 AM:

Had to. :D

http://pics.livejournal.com/nightengale/pic/002t23bz

#173 ::: arto ::: (view all by) ::: June 01, 2007, 02:06 AM:

im in ur dezrt
teh drugz just kciked in
i can haz merkin dream?

#174 ::: Heresiarch ::: (view all by) ::: June 01, 2007, 02:59 AM:

The LOLiad: books 1-6

(Hom3R: IM IN UR CLASSICZ, RES IN UR MEDIA
H0M3R: I can has a Mus3?
Mus3: k
H0M3R: I can has song?
Mus3: k
Mus3: im in ur prolog singin ur rage
Hom3R: kthxbai)

kr1sez: I can has daghter?
4gmmnn: n
kr1sez: I can has daghter?
Ap0110: k
Ap0110: im in ur campmint plagin ur soljers
4gmmnn: WTF!?!1?/
Ak1ll3z: LOLz 4gmmnn iz pwn3d
4gmmnn: n STFU yr stuppid
4gmmnn: all ur |3r1s31s R blong 2 me LOLz
Ak1ll3z: WTF scru u guyz im goin home
th3t1s: hai
Ak1ll3z: o hai
Ak1ll3z: I can has vengenz?
th3t1s: ill ask lolz
th3t1s: hai
Z3us: o hai
th3t1s: he can has vengenz?
Z3us: ...
th3t1s: hry up
Z3us: k
th3t1s: kthxbai

m3n3lace: im in ur fild a battel challengin ur hnr
p4r1s: im luvr not fghtr
6tor: whatevs *push*
4fr0d13ti: OH NOES THEY BE KILLIN MY HEROES
h3l3n: losr
p4r1s: cmere bebeh
h3l3n: k

(h0m3R: IM IN UR EPIC GIVEN UR BACKSTORY
p4r1s: o hai
m3n3lace: hai
p4r1s: I can has yr wife?
p4r1s: kthxbai
m3n3lace: dubble-tee effffffffffff!!!!!!11
h0m3r: k don now)

D10m3dz: IM IN UR WAR SLAGHTRIN UR TROJANS
P4nd4ruZ: I is stabid!
43n34s: I 2 is stabid!
4fr0d13ti: I 3 is stabid!
4r3z: WTF! I 4 is stabid!
D10m3dz: i am teh awesome

6tor: p4r1s is teh lamz0r
h3l3n: word
p4r1s: word

m3ch4-andr0: im in ur troy nursin ur baybee
6tor: o hai
m3ch4-andr0: yll be pwnz0r3d
6tor: yeh pm

#175 ::: ajay ::: (view all by) ::: June 01, 2007, 04:54 AM:

166:
The mundane world may call him dead and mourn him now he's gone,
But his body's just the hardware and his software carries on.
It's running on our brains now, as we write as he exhorted,
So carve this on his tombstone. "Mike isn't dead. Just ported."

#176 ::: David Goldfarb ::: (view all by) ::: June 01, 2007, 05:59 AM:

2B r no 2B?
Pwned by wrld.
I can has sleep nao?
I can has dreamz. O noes!

#177 ::: Lis Riba ::: (view all by) ::: June 01, 2007, 06:58 AM:

I threw together some Shakespeare LOL images, if anyone wants a looksee.

As a new contribution:


I'z in ur crypt, fakin mah deth!

O noes! U r ded!
I killz mahself.

Lolz! I wuz fakin!
O noes! U r ded!
U haz a flavor?
No, u no haz flavor.
I b steelin ur daggur!

O noes! They r ded!

#178 ::: telesilla ::: (view all by) ::: June 01, 2007, 07:06 AM:

waz winter :(
iz summer :)
i can haz a trade
kingdom for pony pliz?

#179 ::: Lis Riba ::: (view all by) ::: June 01, 2007, 07:11 AM:

#178 literally LOLling! (actually, more TEE-HEEing) Thank you SO much.

BTW, have you seen Geoffrey Chaucer Hath a Blog's contributions: I can hath cheezburger?

#180 ::: telesilla ::: (view all by) ::: June 01, 2007, 07:13 AM:

iz St. Crispy Day &
i'm in ur Agincourt
arrowin' ur knightz!

---

this is like a disease; send help!

#181 ::: Jon Meltzer ::: (view all by) ::: June 01, 2007, 07:15 AM:

#162: I need a coffee-proof keyboard.

#182 ::: telesilla ::: (view all by) ::: June 01, 2007, 07:16 AM:

#179 Oh hell yeah; LOLChaucer is made of 100%, genuine win.

#183 ::: Jon Meltzer ::: (view all by) ::: June 01, 2007, 07:23 AM:

#179: I smell a LOLlere in the wynd.

#184 ::: abi ::: (view all by) ::: June 01, 2007, 08:12 AM:

Susan @ 170;

Forget Crlin/Chrl@ (I had a colleague named Caroline Lucas once). I can't believe I put K17y instead of Lyd14!

As Fragano says in 133, I can't seem to keep interchangeable minor characters* apart.

-----
* yes, though she has major effects on the plot, Lydia is a minor character.

#185 ::: Sica ::: (view all by) ::: June 01, 2007, 08:27 AM:

I've had a huge grin on my face throughout reading this thread. So much win.

There was a glaring hole though in the material posted so here's my attempt at adding stopping that up.

The Lolz Prayer

o hai
ur in ma ceiling awsumin ur namez
ur base owns
ur hackin's l33t
on ma client and ur server
I can has cheezburger plz?
r-vwl s plz?
n w re-vowel d00dz
temptin? DO NOT WANT!
u pwn ebil
coz u win teh internetz
kthxbye

#186 ::: Cadbury Moose ::: (view all by) ::: June 01, 2007, 09:01 AM:

Im in yr Google,
suein yr a55

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2007/06/01/cat_privacy_google/

#187 ::: Lis Riba ::: (view all by) ::: June 01, 2007, 09:02 AM:

I'm in ur thred, taping Bacon 2 ur Shxpr!

#188 ::: Teresa Nielsen Hayden ::: (view all by) ::: June 01, 2007, 09:09 AM:

Hai storyreaderz, props.

Abi, Crlin -> Chrltt, kthxbai.

#189 ::: abi ::: (view all by) ::: June 01, 2007, 09:20 AM:

hai tnh
im in ur thred hangin my hed
k17y s/b lyd14 too
n MRY/P1P& swopd in return ov teh king

i bad
lolz

#190 ::: Megan Messinger ::: (view all by) ::: June 01, 2007, 09:55 AM:

ma wh33lbarr0 pwns
o hai chx

***********

This is a disease; I've watched my AIM conversations slowly degenerate the more posts I read.... Clearly the only cure is to get it out of our systems!

**********

To His C0y Mistre55

If only wuz more time in day
I wud chase mouzes, catch and play
Wit dem and bring u guts and hedz,
And humanz could stay more in bedz
I wud not care u close ur door
I got ur tower to explore
An ur like omg, drive fixd!
An mebbe later I's Meow Mixd.
That be kewl and we wud chill
You at desk, me windowsill.
But noes! no time! So much to do
An thaz y I be botherin u
Feed the cat and no more snooze!
Or I try worms and puke ur shoez
Plz work wit kitty to get done
Important stuffs for Number One.
Desk is fine for workin place
But pay more love to kittyface.
Is time to tackle yarn and all!
An yarn and kitty be one ball
An u untangle cuz u in my power
Then ur houseplants I devour
You be mad but I have fun!
So halp wit mine cuz u got none
Ur own, u starin at ur comp
Just makin light of kitty romp
Them no want ur n00by rime
Kitty deserve all ur time.


#191 ::: elise ::: (view all by) ::: June 01, 2007, 09:59 AM:

Oh, man. #37 pwns me. Mary Dell, I would thank you if I had words, but mostly I just got giggles right now.

Patrick's right, #96 pwns too.

#103: Howard, your LOLbeatz have me all squeaking with delight. Especially the first one.

#111 Pangur Ban!! Nice, Eimear!

#117 Howard, that got a loud shriek.

And Abi, #156 is pure gold. Himself would be pointing it out to me in that offhand tone that meant he was tickled by something.

Ajay: Yup. Just so.

#192 ::: Kip W ::: (view all by) ::: June 01, 2007, 10:14 AM:

Even if I'd had time when I first heard of this thread, I'd have been five or six posts behind Abi's lolking. Glad I searched, though. Saves me some trouble; I'm not good at this anyway.

On a related note, I was directed to a page of Lolitas yesterday and was somewhat surprised to see that none of them were saying "I CN HAZ LIPSTIX?"

#193 ::: Virge ::: (view all by) ::: June 01, 2007, 10:37 AM:

This thread is too much fun for me to remain in lurk mode.

oh noes! u ses cat splode wit fries!
u tells: eat mice!
cat knows a flavor of desirez
and hungry cat so fond of fries...
but if mousburger has a spice
or fries all eated, bucket lost,
ur feebl offring may suffice--
is can be tossed?
k thx byes.

#194 ::: abi ::: (view all by) ::: June 01, 2007, 10:43 AM:

elise & Teresa,

Thank you - I was somewhat afraid of posting #156, though I learned a lot about the original when composing it. I'm glad I didn't tread on any toes.

#195 ::: Faren Miller ::: (view all by) ::: June 01, 2007, 11:05 AM:

skim ... skim ... laugh at cat jokes ... skim ...

Boy, am I feeling old!

#196 ::: Teresa Nielsen Hayden ::: (view all by) ::: June 01, 2007, 11:20 AM:

hunnerd daiez not ded yet LOL

#197 ::: ajay ::: (view all by) ::: June 01, 2007, 11:52 AM:

Surely "hunnerd sevinty dayz an not ded yet"?

vorga! i pwn u filthy!

#198 ::: elise ::: (view all by) ::: June 01, 2007, 12:20 PM:

Asterisk, please? All I can come up with is Generalissimo Francisco Franco, and I know that's wrong.

#199 ::: elise ::: (view all by) ::: June 01, 2007, 12:27 PM:

#194 Abi, it was the sort of thing that a person can do if they get it right, and you did.

It's
> ping brother richard
> [AFK]
that slew me utterly, by the way. Oh, the whole thing pwnz0red, yes, but that's where I lost it, and each repetition sent the glee mounting higher.

#200 ::: abi ::: (view all by) ::: June 01, 2007, 12:47 PM:

elise @199:
That's kind of what I meant about learning a lot while doing it - in writing the lolcats version, I came to understand the original. And the more I revised my pastiche, the more the tone and nature of Mike's poem came alive for me.

An interesting exercise, perhaps worth repeating (privately, natch) in other situations.

#201 ::: Mikael Johansson ::: (view all by) ::: June 01, 2007, 01:23 PM:

i iz in ur margins, writin ur theoremz

i iz square root 1

#202 ::: Mary Aileen ::: (view all by) ::: June 01, 2007, 01:37 PM:

I iz in ur buk seeing Dick.
I iz in ur buk seeing Jane.
I iz in ur buk seeing Spot run.
Ur buk sux0r.
I can has better buk?

#203 ::: Xopher ::: (view all by) ::: June 01, 2007, 02:04 PM:

hai m4ry u iz awsum
u & 8055 be 7173
u sp3shul grrl
& sp3shul iz ur 8r47 j35u5
awsum m4ry, 60d m4m4
571ck ^ 4 u5 nao
& wen w3 ded
kthxbai

#204 ::: fidelio ::: (view all by) ::: June 01, 2007, 02:29 PM:

Xopher, the pope is on line 1, and he's yelling in German.

#205 ::: Smurch ::: (view all by) ::: June 01, 2007, 02:38 PM:

>> delurking

Greg London @ 129 and 131: I'm still giggling 30 minutes later.

Xopher @ 151: just lovely

V: kthxbai
E: pwnd!
V: WTF??
E: We iz by ur tree, w8n 4 G0D07

#206 ::: Xopher ::: (view all by) ::: June 01, 2007, 02:49 PM:

fidelio 204: Xopher, the pope is on line 1, and he's yelling in German.

p0p3: Lebensraum! Wehrmacht! Horst Wessel!
z0f3r: pwnd! lolz
p0p3: Schneeverhältnisse! Bleistiftspitzmachine!
z0f3r: du k4nn5t m1ch m4l.

#207 ::: P J Evans ::: (view all by) ::: June 01, 2007, 02:57 PM:

203, 204, 206

ROFLMAO!

I love this place!

#208 ::: Arien ::: (view all by) ::: June 01, 2007, 03:12 PM:

Picard:
OH HI LWAXANA
Mi luv iz f3v3r, l0ngin 4 th4t
what canz moar nrsth dizeez

Lwaxana:
I can has moar?

Picard:
1n f41th, I can has no luv 4 u w/ mi 3y3z
Them in u 1000 3RR0Rz si
but iz mi HEART what luvz what them dispiz
1n dispit of vyu 2 doat
Canz I cmparz u 2 smmr day?

Lwaxana:
I can has moar?

Picard:
Kthxbai

#209 ::: Bruce Cohen, SpeakerToManagers ::: (view all by) ::: June 01, 2007, 03:48 PM:

oh hai i din4h ki77y
see pretty & gr&d
huma4n grl 4ft3r & f411 dn r488i7 h01
cn hav drnk? smllr
can hav eat? bi9r
m33t c8 sete
wtf?
rtfm
kthx bcnu
sete w/ n0 c8
grl can hav dream?
ki77y can hav dream?
kthxbai

#210 ::: Graeme Williams ::: (view all by) ::: June 01, 2007, 03:52 PM:

yr world is chard wit teh grand yr of cats
we will flame u, lik screechin from shook cats
it gators to a gatorness, lik teh pawz of ur
cats. y do u tehn not reck ur cats?
ur kittens has trod has trod has trod;
and yr is soiled wit cats; bleared, smeared wit stool;
and warez ur mud and sharez ur smell: ur cats
is bearz now, we're on yr foot, an in yr shoez.

an for all cats, ur naturz never spent;
there lives ur dearest kittens in yr thangs
an tho yr last black cats haz all west went
oh, mornin, as ur brown cats eastward sprangs --
becoz ur kittens over teh bent
world broods wit warm cats an wit ah! brite fangs

#211 ::: eric ::: (view all by) ::: June 01, 2007, 04:04 PM:

MakingLol

I still think the invisible pastiche is golden. Short, to the point, and a perfect blending of lol and light memes.

#212 ::: Nomie ::: (view all by) ::: June 01, 2007, 04:13 PM:

i is nobody
who r u?
is u no kitty 2?
lolz 2 kittiez!
it is can be secret

#213 ::: Smurch ::: (view all by) ::: June 01, 2007, 04:37 PM:

WLRS n CRPNTR
IN UR SANZ
EETN & WEEPN

#216 ::: abi ::: (view all by) ::: June 01, 2007, 05:13 PM:

Xopher @214 & 215:
We're allowed more than one take on things...plums has been done twice, for instance.

Now will somebody tell me the source of it?

#217 ::: Xopher ::: (view all by) ::: June 01, 2007, 05:24 PM:

Oh, of course. Me bad.

Emily Dickinson.

#218 ::: Fragano Ledgister ::: (view all by) ::: June 01, 2007, 05:33 PM:

o hai
d3 h157ry 0v 4|| 50(13713z
1z 4 h157ry 0v (|455 57ru66|3
d3 w0rkr d00dz r 63771n Xp|0173d
w0rkrz uv d3 wr|d un173!

byez

#219 ::: Bruce Cohen, SpeakerToManagers ::: (view all by) ::: June 01, 2007, 05:47 PM:

hai
each as can do 2 each as can has
kthxbai

#220 ::: abi ::: (view all by) ::: June 01, 2007, 05:48 PM:

Lila @69, belatedly:

have never had such a good time while simultaneously being made to feel really stupid by so many cool people.

One thing I love about Making Light is that I am reliably not the smartest person in the discussion. Nor the most well read, nor the best arguer, nor the best writer.

The challenge keeps me sharp, and the other people here have the capacity to surprise me, over and over again. This is fun.

#221 ::: Fragano Ledgister ::: (view all by) ::: June 01, 2007, 05:57 PM:

Abi #220: I second that.

#222 ::: Bruce Cohen, SpeakerToManagers ::: (view all by) ::: June 01, 2007, 06:09 PM:

220, 221

Agreed. Being here stretches me in a lot of ways; I like that. It's very much like when I was a kid and hung around with older kids as much as I could. What better way to learn?

#223 ::: Eris ::: (view all by) ::: June 01, 2007, 06:51 PM:

4l0n3 - edg4r 4ll3n p03

wen i wur n00b i nvr b33n
liek othr d00ds, i nvr s33n
liek othrs sawd, i cdn't br1ng
mi p4ssuns frum 4 cmmun spryng
frum teh s4ym sors i nvr t4ykn
mi :'[ & 1 cud not 4w4kun
mi hart 2 j0y @ teh saym t0n3
& 4ll 1 luvd 1 lud 4l0n3
den, n mi chyldhud, in teh d4wn
f 4 m0st st0rmi lyf wuz dr4wn
frum evry d3pth f gud & ll
teh mstri whut bnds mi stll
frum teh torrnt r teh fowntn
frum teh rd clffs f teh mowntn
frum teh suyn whut rownd mi rlld
n itz otum tnt f gld
frum teh litning n teh sky
s it pazd mi flyn bi
frum teh thndr & teh strm
& teh clowd whut tuk teh frm
wen teh rst f Hven wuz blu
f a d3mn n mi vew-

#224 ::: Julie L. ::: (view all by) ::: June 01, 2007, 07:04 PM:

txtd R4v1n: N3V4R M04R.

#225 ::: Howard Peirce ::: (view all by) ::: June 01, 2007, 07:15 PM:

Kitteh--
Kitteh--
Ur pawz 2 small 2 box with Dogs.

#226 ::: Bruce Cohen, SpeakerToManagers ::: (view all by) ::: June 01, 2007, 07:25 PM:

One of the things I really like about this thread is that there isn't just one way of doing whatever it is we're doing here. Half the fun is figuring out what direction each post is going. Please keep this up. I haven't laughed this much since abi made me snort pretzels at my screen.

#227 ::: Eris ::: (view all by) ::: June 01, 2007, 07:33 PM:

0d3 n 4 gr3c14n urn

WOO
vase ftw

#228 ::: Howard Peirce ::: (view all by) ::: June 01, 2007, 07:55 PM:

Bruce 226: It's a rich stew, isn't it? There's LOLspeak, L33Tspeak, texting, literature, poetry, poetic forms, chat, and SF fandom.

And then you can run the pastiche either way -- you can pastiche LOLcats with literary themes, or you can pastiche literature with LOLcat themes. And all the other combinations are just as switchable.

Theoretically, it ought to be possible to post an entry that breaks the rules. Before I posted the James Weldon Johnson/LOLcat mashup in 225, I drafted a LOLspeak version of Langston Hughes's "A Dream Deferred" that I decided did not work. (It seemed disrespectful, and was neither funny nor charming. Or maybe it's just me -- surviving a race riot has a way of sanctifying that particular poem.)

Has anyone else written something for this thread that seemed wrong? I'd be curious as to where the boundaries lie.

#229 ::: Greg London ::: (view all by) ::: June 01, 2007, 07:56 PM:

nos m& iz il&, ntr uv izelf
evree m& iz p33z uv kontinent, iz paht uv maihn.
if n00b B wahst awai bai c, intrntz b nos m& iz il&, ntr uv izelf
evree m& iz p33z uv kontinent, iz paht uv maihn.
if n00b B wahst awai bai c, intrntz b az wull az if 1337 wur, az wull as if hax0r wur.
evree m& pwndz --me, bcz i b in intrntz.
thair4, nvr ping 2 nos 4 huum d 0x7 tolz,
it tolz 4 u

#230 ::: A.J. Luxton ::: (view all by) ::: June 01, 2007, 08:17 PM:

Im goez outside wif u, hai
Evenin all sleepz on sky
Liek catz in sun lickin yr harblz


...no, I can't go on.

#231 ::: Kathryn from Sunnyvale ::: (view all by) ::: June 01, 2007, 08:43 PM:

Abi @216, Xopher @217,

also known as 288, thus.

But I still think Emiloling is bad, other than what you've already got memorized. If you look more of them up, then 4vr will t domn8 yr memorE.

Do you want to be seeing
"Im in ur hurtz, sweepin ur luv"?
No.

#232 ::: telesilla ::: (view all by) ::: June 01, 2007, 08:55 PM:

gyre iz turnin'
thingz fallin' apart
centez not holdin'
halp!
is beast slouchin'
toward somewherez!
DO NOT WANT!

#233 ::: Smurch ::: (view all by) ::: June 01, 2007, 08:56 PM:

No 7R35P4551NG

"LOLZBUD"

1N UR X4N4D00Z, PWN UR SN06L0BZ

NEWZM4RCH

7H47CHER: 1N UR FL4SHB4X
END0R4 P4CK1N UR TRUNK

B3RN5T31N: 1N UR FL4SHB4X
5CR1BBL1N UR PR1NC1PL3Z

L3L4ND: 1N UR FL4SHB4X
1N UR N071CE, F1N1SH1N UR P4N

5UZY: 1N UR FL4SHB4X
5CR33CH1N UR OP3R4
DO1N UR PUZLS

1N UR FURNACE, BURN1N UR SLEDZ

LOLZBUD

#234 ::: telesilla ::: (view all by) ::: June 01, 2007, 09:08 PM:

Howard @228 I'm not sure if I could go with more modern political stuff. It would be fairly easy to lolcat up MLK's famous speech, but again, is that going too far?

I think I'll stick to the classics.

#235 ::: Julie L. ::: (view all by) ::: June 01, 2007, 09:15 PM:

Fog can has kitteh feets?
OH NOES FOOTLESS KITTEHZ

#236 ::: Tania ::: (view all by) ::: June 01, 2007, 09:18 PM:

i can haz f1sh?
no f1sh
i can haz f1sh?
no f1sh 4 84 daze
F1SH! l337 f1sh!
oh noes! hax0r!
no f1sh

#237 ::: abi ::: (view all by) ::: June 01, 2007, 09:22 PM:

im in ur ruinz shamblin about
smellin lik deth and rotn dekay
mices and birdies all runin out
i can has brains?

i tiny kittee not veri tal
bitin ur nekaps off if i mai
clim up a tree an on ur hed fal
i can has brains?

member before-tym i was alaiv
lying in sunshine all dai
eten da kat fud when it ariv
i can has brains?

movin so slow 2 make u feel saif
m just a kittee don run awai
put out sum milk fur pur litl wafe
i can has brains?

time fur da pouncin then i mov fazt!
betr than katnip now i kan plai...
big meatie human i make u last.
i can has brains!

it may be time for me to go to bed...

#238 ::: Nomie ::: (view all by) ::: June 01, 2007, 10:35 PM:

Xopher 214 - I like yours, and that we managed both l33t and lolcat variants.

Kathryn 231 - I did start trying something like "deth has a carriage" but it just wouldn't quite work. (Which, incidentally, is the one I always associate with the Gilligan's Island theme. And now I'll have that stuck in my head for the rest of the night...)

#239 ::: Susan ::: (view all by) ::: June 01, 2007, 10:40 PM:

This thread is so intimidating! Nicole, abi, this one's for you and the other patient women on "The sky is evil" thread:

999: we jerkz!
Sol: n00 that!
Tman: here
me: k

999: what u wearng?
me: ignore 999
me: oops.
Tman: here

me: Tman, tx for $ Sat
999: u whore!
Tman: here
me: (hugz Tman)

me: hanging up, cul8r Tman
999: u laf @ me?
me: hanged. bbl.
Tman: still here

#240 ::: Xopher ::: (view all by) ::: June 01, 2007, 11:26 PM:

Howard 228: Has anyone else written something for this thread that seemed wrong?

Oh, yes.

Oh, you mean something that I didn't post? Sorry, I'm pretty tasteless.

#242 ::: Greg London ::: (view all by) ::: June 02, 2007, 12:29 AM:

226: dagnabbit!
I used the "less than" character and it fubared my text.

Tryin again:

nos m& iz il&, ntr uv izelf
evree m& iz p33z uv kontinent, iz paht uv maihn.
if n00b B wahst awai bai c, intrntz b (less) az wull az if 1337 wur, az wull as if hax0r wur.
evree m& pwndz --me, bcz i b in intrntz.
thair4, nvr ping 2 nos 4 huum d 0x7 tolz,
it tolz 4 u


#243 ::: Nicole J. LeBoeuf-Little ::: (view all by) ::: June 02, 2007, 01:04 AM:

Susan, cheers.

abi, i *heart* zombiekitteh.

Kathryn, here's another for you:
Emiloly to Deth: im in ur carrige wearin tulle. can has go faster? emilycatz iz board.

#244 ::: Nicole J. LeBoeuf-Little ::: (view all by) ::: June 02, 2007, 01:11 AM:

Afterthought:

I think one reason that Emiloly is such a wrong, wrong concept, is that ED's poetry explores themes that cats mainly don't bother thinking about.

I mean, "Pain has an element of blank" pretty much lolcats down to

HURT KITTEH IS HURTIN
DO NOT WANT!

And as far as kittens are concerned, hope was the thing with feathers, and it was tasty.

#245 ::: Nenya ::: (view all by) ::: June 02, 2007, 01:54 AM:

Abi, the zombiekitteh is gorgeous!

#246 ::: Bruce Cohen (SpeakerToManagers) ::: (view all by) ::: June 02, 2007, 02:07 AM:

abi @ 237

Ah well, I had just realized we were missing zombies when I read zombiekitteh. And I tried, but I'm stumped at finding anything else for zombies to do. Maybe tomorrow. In the meantime: you do really nice work. Were you a cat in your last life? And a zombie cat in between that one and this?

#247 ::: Heresiarch ::: (view all by) ::: June 02, 2007, 02:30 AM:

ajay, "vorga! I pwn you filthy!" has now become the first thing that pops into my head when I think of TSMD. If LOL/1337speak had been around when Bester wrote TSMD, it's what Gully would have spoken. Awesome.

and abi: *bows down before zombiekitteh*

#248 ::: Dave Luckett ::: (view all by) ::: June 02, 2007, 02:46 AM:

I is in u d1n0s
pwnd!

#249 ::: Joe McMahon ::: (view all by) ::: June 02, 2007, 03:00 AM:

OH NOES NO MOUTH
I CAN HAS SCREM?

#250 ::: Heresiarch ::: (view all by) ::: June 02, 2007, 03:35 AM:

6tor: IM IN YR CAMP BURNIN YR SHIPZ
4gmmnn: OH NOES THEY BE BURNIN MAH SHIPZ
4gmmnn: I can has sign frm godz?
3agle: IM IN UR SK13S GIVIN U SIGNZ
4gmmnn: kthxbai
3agle: mmm snake

t3ucer: o hai I arrow3d ur troaj4nz
troaj4nz: ARROWED!
t3ucer: o noes! i is stabid
6tor: lolz
6tor: kthxbai

Ak1ll3z: im in MY tent NOT winin ur batt3lz
0dyzZeu5: pls?
Ak1ll3z: n
0dyzZeu5: pls?
Ak1ll3z: N
0dyzZeu5: pls?
Ak1ll3z: N!!!!1!
f3n1x: pls?
Ak1ll3z: stubborncat sez
Ak1ll3z: NO
0dyzZeu5: kthxbai

0dyzZeu5: im in ur b3drollz recconasizin ur forsez
D0l0n: i made u a recon
D0l0n: but i got caughtid
D10m3dz: im in ur chariot stealin ur horsez
D10m3dz: lolz
D10m3dz: kthxbai
0dyzZeu5: kthxbai

Z3us: IM IN UR HEAVVINS RAININ DOWN BLUUD
4chaeans: oh noes!
N3stor: i can has an Ak1ll3z?
Ak1ll3z: n!
N3stor: i can has a patroklutz?
Ak1ll3z: k
N3stor: kthxbai
patroklutz: i can has yr armr?
Ak1ll3z: k
patroklutz: i can has ur spr?
Ak1ll3z: n
Ak1ll3z: lolz
Ak1ll3z: srsly that be mah pns
Ak1ll3z: u cldnt hndl
patroklutz: i can has myrmd0nz?
Ak1ll3z: k
patroklutz: kthxbai

patroklutz: IM IN UR ARMR SLAYIN UR FOEZ
4chaeans: w00t!
troaj4nz: OH NOES!
troaj4nz: i made u a sally
troaj4nz: but i retreated it
patroklutz: i is stabid!
6tor: LOLZ Ak1ll3z are PWNZ0r3d
patroklutz: STFU i not Ak1ll3z
6tor: f8ck

#251 ::: Francis ::: (view all by) ::: June 02, 2007, 04:12 AM:

I was just informed of this thread by my lovely wife Rose, to which my response was, so, something like:

oh hai
you had some plums
but I eated them
I is sorry

they had a flavor

...upon which she said, "I'm sure someone has already written that one, but it delights me nonetheless that you were able to come up with it off the top of your head." And indeed, someone has already written it. But it seemed different enough to make it not entirely ridiculous for me to post mine as well.

#252 ::: Tom Scudder ::: (view all by) ::: June 02, 2007, 04:14 AM:

I just remembered this hitherby dragons sequence:
The legend of perfectly defensive samurai:
Parts I II III IV V VI

(Hope this doesn't get eaten by the spamcatcher for excessive linkage)

#253 ::: Neil Willcox ::: (view all by) ::: June 02, 2007, 04:25 AM:

Howard #228 - When I first saw this something that began

im in ur h4d
r4nt1n ur sp4c3

came to mind. As that was the opposite of what this thread seemed to be for, I promptly forgot it in favour of other things.

#254 ::: Brenda Daverin ::: (view all by) ::: June 02, 2007, 04:57 AM:

red wheel
barrow
is serious
business
i can has
chikin?

#255 ::: abi ::: (view all by) ::: June 02, 2007, 05:27 AM:

Xopher @240
No, that was a fantastic one! The thread would be poorer without you having posted it, and it crossed no lines whatsoever that I could see.

#256 ::: Heresiarch ::: (view all by) ::: June 02, 2007, 05:35 AM:

Howard Pierce @ 228: "Has anyone else written something for this thread that seemed wrong? I'd be curious as to where the boundaries lie."

I'm trying to write the scene where Achilles finds out Patroclus has been killed, and it feels very wrong to play it for laughs. Also troubling me is the mutilation of Hector's body, and Priam's retrieval. We'll see how it goes.

#257 ::: abi ::: (view all by) ::: June 02, 2007, 05:50 AM:

Francis @251:
Well done.

Multiple versions are welcome. Since when did cats "do" consensus?

#258 ::: Jon Meltzer ::: (view all by) ::: June 02, 2007, 06:58 AM:

MrK1te: im in yr show tonite on yr trmp0l1n
MrH: im here 2
HenryTheH0rse: neigh

#259 ::: abi ::: (view all by) ::: June 02, 2007, 08:18 AM:

Hesiarch @255:
One thing I've become interested in as this thread has gone on is how to express something other than silliness in lolcats.

That was part of the point in doing i is king i can has sanwich, which is a quietly, deeply lonely. And zombiekitteh is pathetic and grievous as well, at least in parts.

I think the trick with it is to leave gaps through which the sadness shows. It's a dialect that is at least as much about what you don't say as what you do.

And I love "6tor". Well translated.

#260 ::: Heresiarch ::: (view all by) ::: June 02, 2007, 09:08 AM:

abi @ 258: "And I love "6tor". Well translated."

Oh, good. I came up with it and thought, "Hah HAH! I am so clever"* and then immediately after clicking post I decided it was stupid. I've been wincing a little inside everytime I type it. But now I feel better about it.

You've inspired me to give it another try. We'll see what happens.

*or, possibly, "LOLZ! i am teh cleverz"

#261 ::: Heresiarch ::: (view all by) ::: June 02, 2007, 11:07 AM:

Teh LOLiad
Books 17-20

6tor: i can has armr?
6tor: kthxbai

Ak1ll3z: OH NOES THEY GON KILLD MAH FREND!
th3t1s: o hai
Ak1ll3z: OH NOES THEY GON KILLD MAH FREND!
th3t1s: wtf?
Ak1ll3z: THEY GON KILLD MAH FREND!
th3t1s: n wai
Ak1ll3z: WAI
Ak1ll3z: GON KILLD MAH FREND
th3t1s: fatecat sez
th3t1s: vengeanz gonna pwnz0r u
Ak1ll3z: DOAN CARE
Ak1ll3z: KILLD MAH FREND
th3t1s:
th3t1s: k
th3t1s: bai
Ak1ll3z: killd mah frend

th3t1s: i can has armr?
h3faustus: k
th3t1s: i can has shld?
h3faustus: FOR UR SOUL
th3t1s:
h3faustus: er MY SOUL
th3t1s:
h3faustus: j/k
h3faustus: u can has
h3faustus: lolz
th3t1s:
th3t1s: kthxbai

(H0m3R: shld blah blah blah earth heaven sea blah blah citeez blah blah armeez blah blah harvestin blah lion blah dancin
H0m3R: SHLD'S SYMBOLIC K?)

th3t1s: o hai
th3t1s: i upgraded ur armr
th3t1s: wile u wer out
Ak1ll3z: MAH FREND IZ GON
Ak1ll3z: I MOURNZ 'IM
Ak1ll3z: is it can be fght tiem now?
0dyzZeu5: n
0dyzZeu5: brekkiez has a flavor
Ak1ll3z: DO NOT WANT
4+H3|\|4: im in ur belleh feedin u ambrosahs n nekterz
Ak1ll3z: is it can be fght tiem now?
0dyzZeu5: k

Ak1ll3z: IM IN UR RANKZ N FILEZ WHUPPIN UR ASSeZ
troaj4nz: OH NOES!!1!
43n34s: *Ap0110 EX MACHINAED*
(H0m3R: got own epic
H0m3R: cant kill
H0m3R: lolz)
Ifishun: I is stabid!
D3moleon: I is stabid!
Hippod4maZ: I is stabid!
Polyd0rus: I is stabid in teh navel! LOLz
6tor: WTF bruthuh ded?
6tor: Ak1ll3z
6tor: i be challenjin ur authori-TAY
Ak1ll3z: i can has vengeanz?
Ap0110: stpd troaj4nz
Ap0110: alwys nedd butt savin
Ak1ll3z: =(
Ak1ll3z: moar stabby tiem
Dry0ps: I is stabid!
Demouchus: I is stabid!
Lao6onus+Dard4nus: we is stabid TWICE!
Tr05: i can has merci?
Ak1ll3z: MAH FREND CAN HAS MERCI?
TRo5: I is stabid
Mul1us: also stabid
Echeclus: me 2
D3uc4lion: I is ok!
D3uc4lion: opps nm
Rh1gmus: GETIN OLD SRSLY (i is stabid)
troaj4nz: all is stabid
troaj4nz: sorelsrcat sez
troaj4nz: no fayr

#262 ::: abi ::: (view all by) ::: June 02, 2007, 11:14 AM:

Hesiarch,

Well done. Particularly the SHOUTIN IN KAPZ for the r4th.

You're on a roll.

#263 ::: Jon Meltzer ::: (view all by) ::: June 02, 2007, 11:42 AM:

SgtP3pr: WE ON YR RADIO PLYN YR MUSIK
LnlyHrtsBnd: 40 yrs
BllyShrs: w00t


#264 ::: Heresiarch ::: (view all by) ::: June 02, 2007, 11:47 AM:

=)

"r4th"?
hmm.
*checks upthread*
I totally missed that one.
*steals*
kthxbai!

#265 ::: Jon Meltzer ::: (view all by) ::: June 02, 2007, 11:49 AM:

#261:

a3n34s: i not stabid
a3n34s: i kum bak 4 sql
(H0m3R: i n33d kopyrite lawyr)


#266 ::: Fragano Ledgister ::: (view all by) ::: June 02, 2007, 11:50 AM:

Abi #237: Fantastic!!!

#267 ::: Xopher ::: (view all by) ::: June 02, 2007, 11:58 AM:

Heresiarch, it took me an appallingly long time to figure out '6tor'. When I did, however, the "dawn moment" I experienced was truly transcendent.

Thank you for that. Thank you and everyone who got it before I did for not explaining it, which would have denied me that sublime moment.

#268 ::: Bruce Cohen (SpeakerToManagers) ::: (view all by) ::: June 02, 2007, 12:03 PM:

Heresiarch @ 260

"LOLZ! i am teh cleverz"

Oh, indeed you are. I almost fell over when I read '6tor'; it so perfectly exemplifies* the intersection of cleverness, silliness, and drama of cats.

* Help! I'm stuck on the horns of the Dilemma of Deconstruction! umm ... make that "O noes! pomposity!"

#269 ::: Nomie ::: (view all by) ::: June 02, 2007, 12:13 PM:

#265:

v3rg3: o hai i upgraded ur epic

#270 ::: eric ::: (view all by) ::: June 02, 2007, 12:13 PM:

Oh Noes.

LolPython that runs.

#271 ::: Jon Meltzer ::: (view all by) ::: June 02, 2007, 12:19 PM:

SgtPepr: kthxbai
...
j0hn: IM READN YR NWS O BOI
j0hn: car crsh
j0hn: lol dw33b
j0hn: dw33b bnf?
j0hn: IM SEEIN YR MVIE O BOI
j0hn: go 4rme!
j0hn: b00k b3tr
j0hn: turn on
0rch3str4: w00t
p4ul: IM RIDIN YR BUS
p4ul: c0mb
p4ul: kafee
p4ul: c04t
p4ul: sm0ke
0rch3str4: w00t
j0hn: IM READN YR NWS O BOI
j0hn: lotz holz
j0hn: lol
j0hn: turn on
0rch3str4: w00t

#272 ::: Rikibeth ::: (view all by) ::: June 02, 2007, 12:32 PM:

Razors has ouch
Drowndedkitty is all wet
Acids has mess
I had a drug and I eated it: oh noes, belly ache!

No can has gun
Noose is made of lose
Gas has a flavor: DO NOT WANT!
I aten't dead yet!

Not perfect, but I thought I'd try.

#273 ::: Howard Peirce ::: (view all by) ::: June 02, 2007, 12:48 PM:

Abi 259: One thing I've become interested in as this thread has gone on is how to express something other than silliness in lolcats.

Okay, here's the one I didn't post:

WTF dr33m?
It can has raisin?
It have a sore.
It can has candy?
It have a stink.
Enh-- Enh--
O noes!
It asplode.

[Also, bonus LOLWCW.]


#274 ::: Joe McMahon ::: (view all by) ::: June 02, 2007, 02:12 PM:

rjna: hai kill bros? sux. no
krsna: pfft respawn
rjna: k pwn

Now that one may be over the line.

#275 ::: JBWoodford ::: (view all by) ::: June 02, 2007, 02:27 PM:

j0hn: o hai c deddog
j0hn: wrong k1nd f1sh13s 4 me
j0hn: pr0n l4d33?
j0hn: b4d l4d33 u let ur kn1ck3rz down
j0hn: i b 3ggd00d
p4ul: w00t!
j0hn: they b 3ggd00dz
p4ul: w00t!
j0hn: i b LOLRUS!!11!! gggj!!11!!

#276 ::: Jon Meltzer ::: (view all by) ::: June 02, 2007, 02:38 PM:

#275: W00T!!

#277 ::: Kathryn from Sunnyvale ::: (view all by) ::: June 02, 2007, 02:55 PM:

If you're into internet governance topics, then...
LOLgovernance

#279 ::: astrodyke ::: (view all by) ::: June 02, 2007, 08:17 PM:

USA: qr shldr 2 da weel, K?

#280 ::: Allan Beatty ::: (view all by) ::: June 02, 2007, 10:30 PM:

I sitz in middle of ur circle
Knowin ur seekritz

#281 ::: Allan Beatty ::: (view all by) ::: June 02, 2007, 11:38 PM:

(Not sure I'm getting the hang of this or whether I've made this one too obscure.)

LOLz, is stupid stuf
Fud gone
Kthx
Beer gone
Ur pome suxxorz
My tummy hurtz
Cow be stabid
Cow head iz sleepin
O noes my turn now
Im in ur t00nz killin ur cow
Im in ur rime
Killin ur ladz
Do not want!
U bring cat toys now

#282 ::: Earl Cooley III ::: (view all by) ::: June 02, 2007, 11:54 PM:

A short tribute to one of my cats, gone to a better place over a decade ago:

Cheezburger! Cheezburger!
Arishem Shoebox Cat,
Caturday evriday,
Up in teh sky.

"I'm in ur afterlife
Keepin ur shoebox warm.
I can has cheezburger?
Plzkthxbai!"

#283 ::: Julie L. ::: (view all by) ::: June 03, 2007, 01:13 AM:

OH NOES boingy dogz chasin winterz taelsiz!
Dey gettin all rainid on coz tehy iz dum
Dey callz her R-10-S? hir reel naim iz Bastet!
She maik teh lil birdiz tweet, we finz em, yum!

"Heer kitteh!" tehy callin out but wee ignorz em
So dey goez to run fetchn aroes to pley.
Hir shoez haz a flava, dey happi 2 tel us
But not toona flava. We eetz dat? Noe wai!

"Heer kitteh kitteh!" stil stoopidz cant find hir
2 jumpz on hir lapz? course she do not want dat!
Teh nex tihng u noe dey lite themselfs on fier
2 get hir attenshun! we all laffin catz.

(chorus from "Catalanta" with a dash of Herodotus)

#284 ::: Peter da Silva ::: (view all by) ::: June 03, 2007, 01:42 AM:

In a recent Usenet posting, I explained thus:

> Device: HAI! I R IN YR BUS!
> Driver: OH HAI!
> Device: GIMME 128 M.
> Driver: LOL! SEC!
> Driver (to OS): HAI! GIMME 128M!
> OS: LOL! SEC!
> OS (to app): HAI! ALL YR RAM BELONG TO OS!
> App: WAI! I R SWAPPED OUT!
> OS (to driver): LOL! 128M BELONG TO YOU!
> Driver (to OS): KTHXBYE!
> Driver (te device): LOL! 128M BELONG TO US!
> Device: KTHXBYE!

The response was:

> This is the beginning of the end.

Ain't y'all PROUD?

#285 ::: Heresiarch ::: (view all by) ::: June 03, 2007, 02:02 AM:

Teh LOLiad IIII: Tha RETURNINING
Books 21-24

Lyc40n: i can has rnsm?
Ak1ll3z: MAH FREIND CAN HAS RNSM?
Lyc40n: stabid
*paeus: stabid
#erous troaj4nz: stabid
Ak1ll3z: IM IN UR RIVAH FILLIN IT WIF BODEEZ
X4nthus: wtf that be mah rivah
Ak1ll3z: uh oes
h3faustus: IM IN UR PLEINZ BOILIN UR RIVAH
h3faustus: MWA HA HA HA HA
X4nthus: SUXORZ

GAWDZ: WER IN UR SKIEZ HAVIN OUR TIFFS
4fr0d13ti: ow! luvr not fghtr!
4r3s: ow!
4r3s: wtf I be w4r g0D n stuf
4+H3|\|4: lolz
P0sse1D0N: thro down Ap0110
Ap0110: y? they be jst mrtlz

troaj4nz: i made u a spree d corpse
troaj4nz: but i bleded it
0pt1musPr14m: OH NOES THEY BE PWNIN MAH SOLJERS
0pt1musPr14m: open teh gatez!
troaj4nz: RUN AWAYED!
0pt1musPr14m: cloaz teh gatez!
6tor: f8ck
0pt1musPr14m: oopz
Ak1ll3z: o hai 6tor
Ak1ll3z: I CAN HAS A VENJEANZ?
4chaeans: bullycat sez
4chaeans: 6tor runz like gurl
4+H3|\|4: im in ur teem culurz givvin u bad adviz
6tor: k letz fght
Ak1ll3z: LOLZ
6tor: back me up d00d
4+H3|\|4: INVIZIBLE ALLY
6tor: F*CK
6tor: o
6tor: i iz stabid
6tor: famlee can has teh bodie?
Ak1ll3z: NEVER
Ak1ll3z: I PWN U FILTHY
Ak1ll3z: u be draggt thru teh dust
Ak1ll3z: u be etin by wild packa famly dogs
Ak1ll3z: I PWN U FILHTY
4chaeans: w00t!
6tor: I iz stabid
6tor: I iz stabid
6tor: I iz stabid agin
0pt1musPr14m: THEY BE KILLIN MAH BABEE BOY
6tor: I iz stabid
QweenH3kuB33: they be killin mah baybee!
6tor: I iz draggid awai
m3ch4-andr0: im on ur wallz watchin u die

Ak1ll3z: MAH FREND
Ak1ll3z: im in hiz funeral lightin hiz pyrE
Ak1ll3z: I MOURNZ IM
Ak1ll3z: i can has fnrl gamez
D10m3dz: CHARIOTED! lolz

Ak1ll3z: MAH FREIND
Ak1ll3z: AH STIL MOURNZ IM
Ak1ll3z: MAH ENMY
Ak1ll3z: AH MANGLEZ IM
Ap0110: im in ur corpse stavin off ur decompozin
Ap0110: srsly Z3us getn old!
Ap0110: tehy can has rnsm?
Z3us: k
Ap0110: kthxbai

0pt1musPr14m: i can has rnsm?
3AGLE: IM IN UR SKIEZ BEIN UR OMENZ
0pt1musPr14m: kthxbai

0pt1musPr14m: im in ur tent beggin ur merci
0pt1musPr14m: thnk uv ur own dad jst liek me
0pt1musPr14m: pls can has my baybee boy?
Ak1ll3z: manlycat sez
Ak1ll3z: is ok 2 cry
Ak1ll3z: mah everythin
Ak1ll3z: i mournz it
0pt1musPr14m: mah sunz
0pt1musPr14m: i mournz em
0pt1musPr14m: i can has 6tor?
Ak1ll3z: n
Ak1ll3z: fud has a flavr
(servintz: were in ur bakgrownd washin ur corpsez)
0pt1musPr14m: eatid
0pt1musPr14m: is it can be slep tiem now?
Ak1ll3z: k
Ak1ll3z: u can has ten dayz to mourn
0pt1musPr14m: thx
|-|erm3z: it gots 2 be go tiem now

0pt1musPr14m: open teh gatez!
WIMMIN: wer in ur proceshun doin ur grievin
troaj4nz: nine dayz of mournin
troaj4nz: one day of burnin
troaj4nz: 4 6tor taimer uf horsez

#286 ::: Peter da Silva ::: (view all by) ::: June 03, 2007, 02:29 AM:

Th3 c0mpl3t3 w0rkz of J4n3 4ust3n:

F3M4L3 L34D: I R IN UR HEART, DENYING UR LOVE!
M4L3 L34D: I R IN UR HEART, DENYING UR LOVE!
N4RR470R: PWN3D!

#287 ::: Teresa Nielsen Hayden ::: (view all by) ::: June 03, 2007, 06:59 AM:

Allan (281), "Terence, this is stupid stuff"?

#288 ::: Teresa Nielsen Hayden ::: (view all by) ::: June 03, 2007, 09:27 AM:

We've been ignoring the other half of the game: identifying the source material. Here's a start on a list:

Abi's original LOLcat sonnet

4. ajay: Dunbar, Lament for the Makers
8. ajay: InfoCom Games/Dante, The Inferno
9. Jakob: Infocom Games/Dante, The Inferno
11. ajay: InfoCom Games/Dante, The Paradiso
13. Serge: original couplet
14. Garrett Fitzgerald: link to Tom Smith's Cat Macros, quoting first four lines
15. Fragano: Dunbar, Lament for the Makers
16. Fragano: original verse in dense l337
19/20. Mary Dell, Dan Layman-Kennedy: William Carlos Williams, "This is just to say" (cross-posted).
25. TexAnne, link: im in ur dezert makin u dispair
26. Howard Peirce: INVIZIBLE PASTICHE!
27. Larry Brennan: William Carlos Williams, "This is just to say"
28. Fragano: Geoffrey Chaucer, General Prologue
30. Natalie, link: 2001 just called. It wants its catchphrase back.
31. Neil Willcox: original haiku
34. Serge: Roses are red / Violets are blue ...
35. Mary Aileen: original poem, six elegant lines
37. Mary Dell: Carl Sandburg, "The fog comes in on little cat feet"
42. Mary Dell: original villanelle, "In ML games I'm mired"
44. Xopher: meta-haiku
47. Eric: hai, fanfic
49. Bruce Cohen: Cordwainer Smith, The Crime and the Glory of Commander Suzdal
50. Bruce Cohen: ADVENT
51. Fragano: hai, Dune
52. Abi: hai, Star Trek (Vulcans)
53. Bruce Cohen: ur DRM
55. Bruce Cohen: Morris Albert, Feelings
56. Dave Bell: ur put0r
57. Jon Meltzer: B. Kliban, Love to eat them mousies
58. Fragano: Dune, ur selamlik
59. Larry Brennan: hai Star Trek (Neutral Zone)
62. adamsj: Shelley, Ozymandias
63. Julie L.: ur Buffy, Season 2
64. Rebecca Borgstrom confuses me with a fine poem labeled "James Dobson" which riffs on a sonnet by Elinor Wylie. I'll figure it out any day now.
65. Mary Dell: ur slushpile
68. Julie L.: William Blake, The Tyger
70. Greg London: Edgar Allen Poe, The Raven
72. Kathryn from Sunnydale: Genesis 1-3:24
73. Nancy C.: Shakespeare, Hamlet's soliloquy
74. Tania: ur Lion Sleeps Tonight
75. Daniel Martin: Dr. Seuss, Green Eggs and Ham
77. Eric K.: Coleridge, Xanadu and commentary
78. Bruce Cohen: ur 8453, Attack of the Clones
79. Bruce Cohen: ur (453 (I'm otherwise stumped.)
80. Dave Luckett: I'm stumped. Suggestions?
83. Kate Salter Jackson: Eleanor Farjeon, Cats Sleep Anywhere
85. ajay: Shelley, Ozymandias
86. ajay: Genesis 25-32

#289 ::: Mez ::: (view all by) ::: June 03, 2007, 10:11 AM:

Stumped, stunned, staggered. Not quite speechless (but LOLless). Congrats 2 all, and multi-thanx.

#290 ::: Fragano Ledgister ::: (view all by) ::: June 03, 2007, 10:44 AM:

hai
i can has big cigars?
i can has c0ncusp1cent crds?
i can has grrls in dress?
i can has b b nd av seem?
i can has emprr ice crm?

i can has drssr av dl
(wun wid 3 nobs mssng)?
i can has silent n dm?
i can has b b nd av seem?
I can has emprr ice crm?
ktxbai

#291 ::: Fragano Ledgister ::: (view all by) ::: June 03, 2007, 10:49 AM:

TNH #288: You missed Xopher's Dune worm-drowning bit at #54.

#292 ::: James D. Macdonald ::: (view all by) ::: June 03, 2007, 11:01 AM:

W00t!
Sp34r-danes pwn u!
Im in ur tarn killin ur mom.

#293 ::: abi ::: (view all by) ::: June 03, 2007, 11:39 AM:

259, translated

ohai
im in ma dialekt
subvertin ur poetikal formz
dis is n ezzay

i can has meter?
short linez, few feetz*
lik playin wiv short string
noe tangles, o noe!
bord now bai

i can has rhymes?
maybee sumtimez
rhymez need rulez
don like rulez**
refrigerator

i can has serious?
trajidy 4 lolcatz
is noe LOLz†
silentz has a flavor:
invisible meaning!

i can has funny?
course u can
LOLz
duh

okthxbai

-- (pawnotz) --

* kitteh linez short
human linez long
not enuf feet on legz
gotta put in poitry?
reazon bugzes write noe poems
n spiderz too

** less i makes 4 u 2 folow

† sadz inside
noe LOLz outside
kittehs is not clownz

#294 ::: Allan Beatty ::: (view all by) ::: June 03, 2007, 12:36 PM:

Teresa @ 287: Yes, that's it. And come to think of it, "Im in ur toonz killin ur ladz" pretty much sums up Housman's oeuvre.

#295 ::: Heresiarch ::: (view all by) ::: June 03, 2007, 12:41 PM:

thx gawd mostest 4 this amzin
dai 4 teh leapin treez n
teh blu skiez n 4 evrythin
witchez natchrul witchez nfinite witchez LOL

(ah who'v daid* iz aliv agin 2dai
cuz 2daiz teh sonz bday--thisz b
daya life n love n wingz; n uv teh gai
great illimitbly hapnin cheezburger)

hau can flavrd feltd noizd (n)vizbled
sniffd (pasted frm teh NO
of all boring) kitteh mrly LOLin
dowbt unimagnibble U?

(now teh earz uv mah earz is awaked
n teh eyez uv mah eyez r LOLpened)

*zombie kitteh?

#296 ::: abi ::: (view all by) ::: June 03, 2007, 12:47 PM:

Hesiarch @295

zombie kittieh is LOLzarus?

#297 ::: Dave Luckett ::: (view all by) ::: June 03, 2007, 01:19 PM:

TNH #288: Riffing very distantly on Marianne Moore, "Poetry", with substitutions, as mangled by faulty memory.

#298 ::: Melissa Mead ::: (view all by) ::: June 03, 2007, 01:48 PM:

LOLgarden

Chivez iz in my garden, takin over my peaz.
All my garden iz belong to chivez.
Clover iz in my garden, takin over my mint.
All my herbz is belong to w33dz.
I kan haz plants?

(Not nearly as impressive, I know, but I've never tried this before. I iz curious.)

#299 ::: Jon Meltzer ::: (view all by) ::: June 03, 2007, 01:58 PM:

#281: 0pt1musPr14m

Okay. Does he transform into a horse, or something?

#300 ::: Individ-ewe-al ::: (view all by) ::: June 03, 2007, 02:38 PM:

o hai
i in ur qnqrme
i can has woodz
n elefanz teef
(S010m0n bilded u a tmpl
but monkees eated it)
bord now
afk bo0ze

o hai
jo en ur barco
i can has j00ls
n $$
bord now
afk sunb4thin

o hai
i in ur tramp st34m3r
i can has tr4sh
n d1rtz
(my chimnee iz pazsted on yey)
bord now
lol

#301 ::: elise ::: (view all by) ::: June 03, 2007, 03:14 PM:

silentz has a flavor:
invisible meaning!

I don't have a intarweb to give you, but you wins my heart with this one.

#302 ::: Fragano Ledgister ::: (view all by) ::: June 03, 2007, 03:16 PM:

Individ-ewe-al #300: The sound you hear is John Masefield revolving rapidly in his sepulture.

#303 ::: abi ::: (view all by) ::: June 03, 2007, 04:26 PM:

Still thinking about the limits and spaces of this language form, both in translation and as a channel for original work. Pastoral, descriptive poetry, for instance doesn't translate well.

> im in ur wudz admirin ur snow
> kthxbye


But add any emotive component, and it works.

> im in ur lak isle
> growin my beanz
> peace has a flavor
> sweet lik huny

> noe im not
> im in da city
> o noes!


It's just not a very rich format. Thus, the value of silence. (I'm glad you liked that analysis, elise.)

#304 ::: elise ::: (view all by) ::: June 03, 2007, 04:29 PM:

I has three long mountains
I has wood
I can has turn around?
I has three islands in a bay
I can has line of horizon?
I has three long mountains
I has wood

I can has see more?
N
I can has touch these?
K
O noes!
Bref too short!

I'm under ur sky,
lookin' mah fill.

I can has touch sky?
O NOES!
I can has screamz

Infinity
iz not respectin
mah screamz
DO NOT WANT!
The definition of the Undefined iz here
pressin' on mah mind
O NOES!
Eternity has ticking!

I has a Universe cleft to the core
I can has probe Universe?
Teh Universe has a flavor
O NOES!
I can has omniscience?
O NOES! Hurt kitteh is hurtin!
I has infinite remorse of soul
DO NOT WANT!

I'm in ur sinning
pwning yr greed lust envious thrust

I'm in ur suffering
pwning yr death
I can has mourning?
kthx

LOLkitteh pwns man in Capri
hunger has a flavor

Fog bank pwns 2 shipz
O NOES!!1

Hurt kitteh is hurtin!
I'm in ur last breath
meetin ur cry
I iz compassion
Yr suffering
Ah pwnz it
I has a pity

Infinity has a weight
DO NOT WANT!
Sufferin kitteh is sufferin

I can has death?
N
I can has death pliz?
N
O NOES!!1 Earth opens!
Kitteh is underground
emitting tortured soul
I has a dust cloud

The earth haz a cool hand
Gladly dead kitteh is glad
I'm under ur pitying rain
lovin da sound
plz be respectin
mah peace and quiet

Can has kiss rain fingers?

Can has world again?

Can has new birth?
I has heavy rain! KTHX!!11!
Grave gone! kthxbai

Can has moar rain pliz?
Has rain!
Rain has a noize and a color
Mah grave
Ah does not mourn it

Gladkitteh is glad!

I'm tiptoe in ur grass
listenin to itz whisperin
Can has soul back?

Kitteh is alive again FTW
YAY!!!1

Hai God
I'm in ur grass
layin mah finger on ur heart

World has a width
Sky has height
Heart can has strength for push things apart
Soul can be splittin ur sky
Hai God
I'm under ur bifurcated sky
seein ur fac3
Rebornkitteh is reborn
pliz be respectin
mah tent-pole soul

#305 ::: elise ::: (view all by) ::: June 03, 2007, 04:36 PM:

(And because of ajay's #11 which made me so happy, here's another.)

LOOK

You see three long mountains and a wood.

TURN AROUND

You see three islands in a bay.

TRACE LINE OF HORIZON

You see three long mountains and a wood.

SEE MORE

You cannot see over these things.

TOUCH THESE THINGS

What, with your bare hand?

Y

You cannot quite touch these things.
Your breath comes short, and scarce at all.

LIE ON BACK

You lie upon your back.
You see the sky.

LOOK SKY

You look your fill into the sky.
The top of the sky is here.

LOOK TOP OF SKY

You see the top of the sky.
It is not so grand.

TOUCH SKY

You reach up your hand.
You feel your hand touch the sky.

SCREAM

You scream.
Infinity is here.
Infinity comes down and settles over you.
Infinity forces back your scream into your chest.
Infinity bends back your arm upon your breast.
The Undefined is here.
Immensity made manifold is here.

LOOK IMMENSITY MADE MANIFOLD

Like you have a choice?

LISTEN

You hear whispering.
Friendly Spheres are here.
You hear gossiping.
You hear creaking.
You hear ticking.

LISTEN TICKING

You hear the ticking of Eternity.
The Universe is here.

LOOK UNIVERSE

The Universe is cleft to the core.

PROBE UNIVERSE

Are you sure you want to do that?

PROBE UNIVERSE

You probe the universe.
You have omniscience.
You must pay the toll for omniscience.

WHY?

You must pay the toll for omniscience.

PAY TOLL

You have infinite remorse of soul.

INVENTORY

You have all sin.
You have all atoning.
You have the gall of all regret.
You have the weight of every brooded wrong.
You have the hate that stands behind each envious thrust.
You have every greed.
You have every lust.

MOURN

Mourn for whom?

MOURN FOR ALL

You mourn for all.
You see a man starving in Capri.
You see a great fog bank.
Two ships are here.

LOOK SHIPS

The two ships strike and sink.

SCREAM

You scream as with a thousand screams.

INVENTORY

You have hurt.
You have death.
You have each last breath.
You have compassion.
You have all suffering.
You have all suffering's rod.
You have pity.
Infinity is here.
Infinity presses down on you.
You suffer death.

DIE?

You cannot die.

DIE

You cannot die.
Time passes.

LIE ON BACK

You are already lying on your back.
The earth gives way beneath you.
You sink into the earth.

WHERE

You are six feet under ground.
You are lying on your back.
Your tortured soul is here.
A great weight leaves.
Your tortured soul bursts forth.

LOOK TORTURED SOUL

Your tortured soul has fled.
Dust is here.

LOOK DUST

Dust is swirling all about you.

REST

You rest deep in the earth.

DIE.

You are apparently already dead.
You are glad.
The pitying rain is here.

LISTEN RAIN

You hear each pattering hoof.
It has a friendly sound.

LOOK

You are in a grave.

WHO

You are here.
The pitying rain is here.
There is no one else here.

KISS FINGERS OF RAIN

You'd have to be alive to do that.

CRY OUT

To whom?

CRY OUT TO GOD

What do you want to cry out to God?

GIVE ME NEW BIRTH

Anything else?

AND PUT ME BACK UPON THE EARTH

Heavy rain pours down.
Your grave is washed away from you.
You are upon the earth.
You hear something.

LISTEN

You hear a sound as of some joyous elf singing sweet songs to please himself.

LOOK ELF

There is no elf here.

LOOK ELF

It's a simile, silly.
You feel a sense of glad awakening.
The grass is here.
The grass is whispering to you.
The rain is here.
An apple-tree is here.
Your soul is here.

BREATHE SOUL BACK IN

Do you know how such things can be?

N

OK. You breath your soul back into you.

SPRING UP

You spring up from the ground.

HAIL EARTH

You hail the earth with a glad cry.
You see someone here.

LOOK SOMEONE

Someone is disguised.

LOOK DISGUISE

The disguise is dark.

LOOK CAREFULLY DISGUISE

You penetrate the dark disguise.
You discern God's radiant identity.
God is here.

TOUCH GOD

You cannot touch God.

PUSH GRASS APART

You push the grass apart.
You lay your finger on God's heart.

LOOK E

The world stands out on this side.

LOOK W

The world stands out on this side too.

ESTIMATE WIDTH

Of what?

ESTIMATE WIDTH OF WORLD

The world is about as wide as the heart.

LOOK UP

The sky is here.

ESTIMATE HEIGHT OF SKY

The sky is about as high as the soul.

LOOK

You see the sea.
You see the land.
You see the sky.

PUSH SEA AND LAND APART

With what, your bare heart?

Y

You push the sea and land farther away on either hand.

SPLIT SKY

With what?

SPLIT SKY WITH SOUL

You split the sky in two with your soul.
God is here.
You see the face of God shine through.
East and West are still here.
The sky is still here.

INVENTORY

You have a soul.

LOOK SOUL

Your soul is not flat right now. Good thing, too.

#306 ::: abi ::: (view all by) ::: June 03, 2007, 04:36 PM:

elise @304
Wow. So much for "not a rich format". Wurdz has a flavor.

Is there an original? If so, I really, really would like to know what it was.

#307 ::: elise ::: (view all by) ::: June 03, 2007, 04:49 PM:

abi, if you google "push grass apart" it should be in the second entry. And I am very glad you like it.

#308 ::: Individ-ewe-al ::: (view all by) ::: June 03, 2007, 05:42 PM:

Fragano, I know; my only excuse is that quinquereme is such a lovely word to translate into lolcat.

#309 ::: Fragano Ledgister ::: (view all by) ::: June 03, 2007, 07:33 PM:

Individ-ewe-al #308: But Ophir isn't???


hai
sum r 4 red wine
sum r 4 white
sum r 4 dncng in pl mnlght
i can has rum!

sum r 4 spnsh wine
sum r 4 frnch
sum r 4 t (nly 4 wnch)
i can has rum!

sum r 4 lilE
sum r 4 roze
i can has sgr cane in JMAkuh
i can has rum!

sum r 4 fidlz n sng
sum r 4 muzic
i can has rum!
i can has rum!

sum r 4 dncing n dice
sum r 4 kissz
i m 4 JMKuh brrl
i can has rum!

sum sz rum iz sin
sum sz rum iz bad
i can has inn
i can has rum!

sum r 4 suitz
sum r v bad
i likez drink
i can has rum!
bye

#310 ::: Linkmeister ::: (view all by) ::: June 03, 2007, 08:07 PM:

Teresa, thank you for the key. It's bad enough to be illiterate in LOLspeak, but I was feeling equally illiterate in source ID.

#311 ::: Xopher ::: (view all by) ::: June 03, 2007, 08:23 PM:

teh finger scribble
then gway
not come back evah
cry all you want

& bowl up sigh down
we stuck under
no can has it help
it no can do nothing

#312 ::: Xopher ::: (view all by) ::: June 03, 2007, 08:24 PM:

teh finger scribl
then gway
not come back evah
cry all u want

& bowl up sigh down
we stuck under
no can has it help
it no can do nothing

#313 ::: Xopher ::: (view all by) ::: June 03, 2007, 08:26 PM:

Rats. Sorry.

#314 ::: Bruce Cohen (SpeakerToManagers) ::: (view all by) ::: June 03, 2007, 08:55 PM:

elise @ 304 & 305

Oh. So that's how it's done. Magnificent, both of them, each in their own way.

I don't know why I didn't think of it before, but your pieces reminded me of a book by Douglas Hofstadter, "Le Ton Beau De Marot: In Praise of the Music of Language". It's an attempt to sneak up on the nature of translation, which turns out to be a very subtle and slippery concept. At the same time, it's an elegy for his wife, who died suddenly and unexpectedly.

The reminder is because those two translations, especially the second, are between very different domains and vocabularies, if not different languages, and yet they contain sentiments that parallel the original even though they are expressed differently, and even bring out flavors that aren't in the original, but would be in the target "language" (LOOK IMMENSITY MADE MANIFOLD / Like you have a choice?)

Thanks, you gave me quite a bit to think about there.

#315 ::: Bruce Cohen (SpeakerToManagers) ::: (view all by) ::: June 03, 2007, 09:33 PM:

teresa @ 288

#79 is a reference to Charlie Stross' "Laundry" series. De-Leet the first line and it's obvious if you've read any of them.

#316 ::: Serge ::: (view all by) ::: June 03, 2007, 09:50 PM:

abi @ 237... Zombie kittens? This is such stuff as Nightmare Abi's mind is made of.

#317 ::: Heresiarch ::: (view all by) ::: June 03, 2007, 09:57 PM:

o hai! i upgraded ur pome (i waz nspird)

thx Gawd v 2:

thx 2 U Gawd mostest 4 this amzin
macro 4 teh leapin spritz of INVISIBLE BIKE
teh tru blu dream of CEILING CAT n 4 evrythin
witchez natchrul witchez nfinite witchez LOLz

(ah who'v daid* iz aliv agin 2dai
cuz 2daiz teh sonz bday--thisz teh brth
daya life n laffs n lolz; n uv teh gai
great illimitbly hapnin cheezburger)

hau can flavrd feltd noizd (n)vizbled
sniffd (crt-ved frm teh 'eh'
of all boring) kitteh mrly LOLin
dowbt unimagnibble U?

(now teh earz uv mah earz is awaked
n teh eyez uv mah eyez r LOLpened)

*zombie kitteh?

#318 ::: elise ::: (view all by) ::: June 03, 2007, 10:00 PM:

Nightmare Abi? Aw, Serge, how can you say that? Zombiekitteh is perfectly endearing.

#319 ::: elise ::: (view all by) ::: June 03, 2007, 10:06 PM:

Bruce #314
"because those two translations, especially the second, are between very different domains and vocabularies, if not different languages,"

...which is part of what made it satisfyingly chewy to do them simultaneously.

#320 ::: Julie L. ::: (view all by) ::: June 03, 2007, 10:41 PM:

...actually, up in abi's zombiketteh at #237, the meter reminded very strongly of a children's poem I can't remember much about, except that its short refrain was "You can come too" or suchlike-- I was sure it was something by AA Milne, but a quick flipthrough of his compendium on my shelf doesn't show it in there.

#321 ::: Serge ::: (view all by) ::: June 03, 2007, 11:08 PM:

elise @ 318... Zombiekitteh is perfectly endearing.

So was that little white rabbit in Monty Python and the Holy Grail before it started tearing the limbs off various Knights of the Round Table.

#322 ::: Allan Beatty ::: (view all by) ::: June 03, 2007, 11:15 PM:

Fat kitteh on mat dreemin
I can has cheezburger
AFK dreemin
*ROAR* 1337 beest in teh eest
in ur den feestin on ur men
Kitteh big bro wit iron clause
An big bludy teeths
Spotted kitteh on kwik feets
In ur loft jumpin on ur meat
In ur woods loomin in ur gloom
Big kitteh roxxorz littul kitteh sleepz
Fat kitteh on mat
Keeps u as staff
But kitteh knoes

#323 ::: Serge ::: (view all by) ::: June 03, 2007, 11:34 PM:

The idea of a zombiekitteh gives a whole new meaning to the expression 'cat got your tongue?'...

#324 ::: Julie L. ::: (view all by) ::: June 03, 2007, 11:55 PM:

Howard Pierce @161: we can has LOLPoe??? L1nx r pwnd kthx

#325 ::: elise ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 01:44 AM:

Uh-oh. This stuff me hath in thrall, dang it. Here's another one:

L10N: I is in ur living rm
pwnin yr living space

G1NSBRG: O NOES!!1!

ST3N06R4PHRS: We can has windowbangshutting

L10N: German stenograprs LOLz

G1NSBRG: *goes to Paterson*

G0ND0R14N5: *change calendar*

L10N: Wrong poem lus3rs. PWND!

G0ND0R14N5: *ignore L10N*

R31CH14N 4N4LY5T: *ignores G1NSBRG*

G1NSBRG: WTF? Hmpf!
I can has old boyfriend?
I'm in ur place
getting drunk wit u an ur grlfriend
I can has kiss? I has L10N!

0LD B0YFR13ND: MAH EYEBROW DOES NOT HAEV A FLAVOR

G1NSBRG: O YES IT DOES

0LD B0YFR13ND: *kicks G1NSBRG out*

G1NSBRG: I'm in ur jeep
consolin mahself

J03Y: WTF u callin me abt man?

G1NSBRG: I'm listenin ur poetries
hearin all sorts beasts

J03Y: I'm in ur -

G1NSBRG: So you are.

J03Y: U has lions LOLz so delicat
Xcept has no self, no bars,
and so u can has no lion
no monster fr bridegroom
kthxbai

G1NSBRG: Feh. Pwned. Haxx0red. WTF?
O, right: door.
O NOES! L10N! ANGREE L10N! SPLODEY ANGREE L10N!?

L10N: Allen u r such a drama queen

G1NSBRG: *preens*

G1NSBRG: I has a broccoli.
I has a bath.

G1NSBRG: *gazes at L10N*

L10N: *gazes back*

G1NSBRG: U don look so good

L10N: ....

G1NSBRG: *gazes at L10N some more*

L10N: I'm in ur nightmares
bein' ur central organizing principle

G1NSBRG: Terrible Presence! U can has eat me or WTF?

L10N: U IZ PWNZ0RED!
Not this tiem Baby
but I will be back

G1NSBRG: Hai L10N

G1NSBRG: *ping L10N*
L10N: [AFK]

G1NSBRG: Hai L10N
U gon eat me or what?

G1NSBRG: *ping L10N*
L10N: [AFK]

Waiting G1NSBRG is waiting.

#326 ::: Heresiarch ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 01:46 AM:

#317 should be "(ctrl-ved frm teh 'eh' of all boring)

#327 ::: Bruce Cohen (SpeakerToManagers) ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 02:56 AM:

hee hee hee "Allen u r such a drama queen". He sure was.

#328 ::: Earl Cooley III ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 03:22 AM:

It seems pretty obvious to me that the "angry fix" referred to in "Howl" is teh cheezburger....

#329 ::: abi ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 04:32 AM:

I was missing one of my favourite modern poems:


> I CAN HAS

u can has saucerz
fallin lik sno
bringin u futur
no1 kno what

> NTHX
> I CAN HAS

u can has zombiez
shamblin about
smellin lik deth and rotn dekay
they can has brains?

> NTHX
> I CAN HAS

u can has godz
bigger than big thingz
fitin the giantz
n serpent n wolf

> NTHX
> I CAN HAS

u can has fery talez
lvs n spiritz
u can has bootz
play ur part

> NTHX
> I CAN HAS

u can has NEthing
citiez like glass
skynet aliv
angels n devils
humanz be hearin u talk
timlords n yeti

> NTHX
> I CAN HAS PHONE CAL?

> I CAN HAS PHONE CAL?

> I CAN HAS PHONE CAL?

#330 ::: David Goldfarb ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 05:38 AM:

Teresa started on identifying sources, let's see what I can do from there. There's a lot of them I don't know, so rather than waste space on them I'll just put the ones I do. (There are also a couple that are attributed right in the post, I'm going to omit those too)

Greg London@94: The Princess Bride
Neil Willcox@95: "Helm's Deep", The Two Towers
Abi (brilliantly!) @96: Pride and Prejudice
Howard Peirce@103: "Howl" (?)
Howard Peirce@104: Dharma Bums
Emmet@106: "The Metamorphosis"
Malthus@108: "Macavity", from The Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats
ajay@109: Apocalypse Now
adamsj@110: Moby-Dick
Dan Layman-Kennedy@113: "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock"
TomB@114: the Trojan Horse
Jon Meltzer@115: John 1:1
Teresa@118: Beowulf
Nicole J. LeBoeuf-Little@122: "Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night"
Greg London@129 & 131: "Who's On First?"
Bruce Cohen@145: De Bello Gallico (?)
telesilla@149: "Howl"
Kathryn from Sunnyvale@155: Possibly Asimov's "The Last Question"
Fragano Ledgister@158: Paradise Lost
Greg London@160: Star Wars
Nomie@171: The Odyssey
arto@173: Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
David Goldfarb@176: hmm....nope, don't know.
Lis Riba@177: Romeo and Juliet
telesilla@178: Richard III
telesilla@180: Henry V
Xopher@203: "Ave Maria"
Smuch@205: Waiting for Godot
Bruce Cohen@209: Alice's Adventures in Wonderland

...I think I'll stop there for now.

#331 ::: Michael Martin ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 05:53 AM:

This is not lolsingularity.

This is roflgeddon.

The best I can manage is lolCATS:

NARRATOR: 2001: WE HAS WAR!

CAPTAIN: Whut

OFFICER: We has bomb!

OTHER OFFICER: We get signal

VISIBLE SIGNAL

CATS: Hai ^_^ I made you a bomb, but I exploded it. I gotz all ur bases. Pwnt!

CAPTAIN: Noooooo, gimmeh ship

CATS: omgwtfpwntlol ^_^ kthxbye

... and I was going to continue, but I just noticed that "We get signal" is actually a direct quote, so I'm clearly not improving the material.

#332 ::: abi ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 06:14 AM:

O noes! crossposts!
David @330, im in ur answerz fillin my gapz

87. Del: two fragments of The Raven
88. Alex: Invisible answer!
90. Jon Meltzer: Schröinger's cat
91. Jakob: Original ballade
94. Greg London: The Princess Bride fragment
95. Neil Willcox: LOTR fragment
96. abi: Pride & Prejudice
101. Jakob: pun
102. Jo Walton: The Raven fragment
103. Howard Pierce: Howl and Invisible answer! (I think of it as Lincoln, but he wasn't a beat poet that I am aware of)
104. Howard Pierce: The Dharma Bums, Jack Karouac
106. Emmet: Kafka's Metamorphosis
108. Malthus: "Macavity", from The Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats*
109. ajay: Apocolypse Now
110. adamsj: Moby-Dick fragment
111. Eimear Ní Mhéalóid: Invisible answer!
113. Dan Layman-Kennedy: J Alfred Prufrock and Invisible answer!
114. TomB: Iliad fragment
115. Jon Meltzer: John 1:1
116. Alex: Invisible answer!
117. Howard Pierce: Genesis 22
118. TNH: Beowulf
119. abi: The Fellowship of the Ring
120. abi: The Two Towers
122. Nicole LeBoef-Little: Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night
125. Nicole LeBoef-Little: dinosaur sodomy, inevitably
126. Hesiarch: Invisible answer! x 2
127: Jon Meltzer: Fellowship of the Ring fragment, alternate version
128. Kathryn from Sunnyvale: Invisible answer!, nicely rhymed
129. Greg London: Who's on First?
130. abi: The Return of the King, hobbit-swap remix
131. Greg London: Who's on First? remix
132. Greg London: All Praise TNH, She Who Disemvowels
138. Julie L: Lord of the Ringtones
139. Diatryma: Swift, A Modest Proposal
142. fynngrrl: Invisible answer!
143. BSD: Iliad fragment
144. Bruce Cohen, ManagerSpeaker: Invisible answer!
145. Bruce Cohen, ManagerSpeaker: The Conquest of Gaul, Julius Caesar
149. tesilla: Alan Ginsberg, Howl

* Thanks, David, for replacing my Invisible answer! Note that I am still admitting to staggering, wide-ranging ignorance!

#333 ::: Jon Meltzer ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 06:16 AM:

m4l4g4t: im ded
g1rsn: pwned
h0kus: im ded
g1rsn: pwned
f4luzh: im ded
g1rsn: pwned
l4rk: im ded
g1rsn: pwned
tr33sng: im ded
g1rsn: now wh4t?

#334 ::: Mahmoth ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 06:42 AM:

I am mildly shocked noone's hit on this yet...

Song of Mylolcats

Hai
Im in ur society, singin an celebratin me
I can has ur assumptions?
U can has mai atums

I r lofin an invitin mah bukkit
I can has spear of summer grass?

Im in ur world, bein part of ur soil, ur air
Lolparents
37 years in ur world,
Only deth b stoppin me

Invisible schools an creeds.
I can has good an bad, an b speakin 4eva
In ur natur, removin ur check

(A tad rushed, but it needed to be done.)

#335 ::: Julie L. ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 06:44 AM:

\/L4dm1R: hai
S7r460|/|: hai
\/L4dm1R: sup?
S7r460|/|: nuthn
S7r460|/|: ...
\/L4dm1R: ...
[ping 60D0t]
[AFK]

#336 ::: Michael Martin ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 07:23 AM:

Hmm. This one seems to work much better if you reverse the order of the images when enlollinating:

The New CoLOLssus

Hay, ancient lands!
You can has storied pomp
Gimmeh ur tired, ur poor, ur huddled masses
They can has freedom
I has a lantern
(P.S. not brazen or Greek lol)

#337 ::: Alex ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 07:29 AM:

Oh, Lord - 88 is Robert Graves' father's "Invention of Wine" quoted in Goodbye to All That, and the German one is Heine, but I don't remember which poem it is. ("Der Knecht singt gern ein Freiheitslied..")

And 116 is W.H. Auden, from "The Orators".

Can haz wilful obscurity?
Thnx!

#338 ::: Jon Meltzer ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 07:39 AM:

I'm waiting for LOLonl F4nthr0pe ...

#339 ::: abi ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 08:05 AM:

151. Xopher: I'm nobody! Who are you?, Emily Dickinson (thanks, Xopher)
153. Kathryn from Sunnyvale: Invisible answer! by Emily Dickinson (I am ashamed of how little Dickinson I know)
155. Kathryn from Sunnyvale: Invisible answer!
156. abi: I am king now, and I want a sandwich, by John M Ford
158. Fragano: Invisible answer!
160. Greg London: Star Wars
162. Kate_Shaw: on his Cat Jeoffrey, by Christopher Smart (thanks Fragano; I would never have gotten it)
164. Marilee: Invisible answer! to do with Shiva
168. telesilla: fragment of Jabberwocky, Lewis Caroll
171. Nomie: The Odessey
173. arto: Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, Hunter S Thompson
174. Hesiarch: The LOLiad, books 1-6
175. ajay: original verse
176. David Goldfarb: Hamlet, Act III, Scene 1
177. Lis Riba: Romeo and Juliet, Act V, Scene 3
178. telesilla: Richard III, Act I, Scene 1 *
180. telesilla: Henry V, all of Act IV
181. Sica: The Lord's Prayer, fantastically done
186. Cadbury Moose: meditation on current events
190. Megan Messinger: Invisible answer! about a wheelbarrow; To His Coy Mistress by Andrew Marvell
193. Virge: I believe this is a superb take on Frost's "Fire and Ice".
196. TNH: Invisible answer!
197. ajay: Invisible answer!

* Embarrassingly enough, thanks David. Should have gotten it, really really did not.

#340 ::: Heresiarch ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 08:30 AM:

abi @ 332: Would it help if it was

IM IN UR RED WEELBARRO
EATIN UR WHIET CHIKKENS
?

(If not, it's this poem.)

The second one is only like the most famous haiku ever. GAWD

P.S. It's Heresiarch, not Hesiarch. Think 'heresy, plus -arch.' =)

#341 ::: abi ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 08:43 AM:

Heresiarch @340
A thousand apologies for misspelling your name. i is bad kitteh.

And thanks for the additions, but "Gawd?" We all have our areas of expertise, and our blind spots. You telling me you know all of the things that have turned up here? Every single one?

#342 ::: Jon Meltzer ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 08:49 AM:

197, and presumably 196 too (I'd have to look it up): Bester's "The Stars My Destination"

#343 ::: abi ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 08:49 AM:

201. Mikael Johansson: Fermat, and math
202. Mary Aileen: Dick and Jane
203. Xopher: Hail Mary, beautifully done
205. Smurch: Waiting for Godot
208. Arien: ST:TNG, but I don't know what episode, quoting Shakespeare sonnets
209. Bruce Cohen, ManagerSpeaker: Dinah in Wonderland, by Lewis Carrol's cat
210. Graeme Williams: Invisible answer! in the form of a sonnet
212. Nomie: I'm nobody! Who are you?, Emily Dickinson (thanks, Xopher)
213. Smurch: The Walrus and The Carpenter, from Alice in Wonderland
218. Fragano: Das Kaptial, Karl Marx
219. Bruce Cohen: Critique of the Gotha Program, Karl Marx
223. Eris: Alone, Edgar Allen Poe
224. Julie L: fragment from The Raven, Edgar Allen Poe
225. Howard Pierce: Invisible answer!
227. Eris: Ode on a Grecian Urn, John Keats
229. Greg London: No Man is an Island, John Donne
230. AJ Luxton: fragment of The Love Song of J Alfred Prufrock
232. telesilla: The Second Coming, WB Yeats
233. Smurch: Citizen Kane

Ah, buggerit. Let someone else do it. GAWD indeed.

#344 ::: Jon Meltzer ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 08:57 AM:

One more:

th1s3l: IM IN MA HOWSB0T WEARN MA C DRGON CONQROR
s1rNez: dw33b

#345 ::: Dave Luckett ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 09:17 AM:

cn h4v pr0f1t?
n
cn do stf?
n
cn B king?
k
ba1 st1| hRth & cr4gz
cn h4v old w1f3
cn m337 & d0|
no f4|3 lwz 2 n00bs
h0rdn & 5|33pn & f33dn
& dunno me

#346 ::: Dave Luckett ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 09:19 AM:

Jon Meltzer #344. Jack Vance, "The Moon Moth". Now, did I get there first?

#347 ::: Heresiarch ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 09:23 AM:

abi @ 341: Apologies! That was meant to be an ironic, self-mocking GAWD. No, your IDing ability puts mine to shame--deep, deep shame. My area of (sort of) expertise is Asian Studies, so many of my literary touchstones are somewhat unfamiliar to most people. I meant to poke fun at me, not you.

(Like that time I was playing Botticelli and I picked Ali, because, like, HELLO MUHAMMAD'S FAVORITE DISCIPLE and SOURCE OF THE SHI'ITE/SUNNI SPLIT, and no one got it at all. Geez.)

And no worries about the name =) If I was worried about it being misspelled, I would've picked 'Bob.'

#348 ::: Alex ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 09:26 AM:

iz it not passng kewl
2 be l33t
n ride in triumph
thru teh interwebs?

#349 ::: Peter da Silva ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 09:27 AM:

SUN! BRIGHT! DO NOT WANT!
PING KIDS, PING HUNTERS, PING ANTS.
LOVE AFK?
UR IN MY EYES, WAKING MY GRRL!
WINK PWNS U, SUN!
PING INDIA? INDIA IZ IN MI BED!
PING KINGS? KINGS R IN MI BED!
I CAN HAS GRRL!
GRRL PWNS KING, PWNS HONOR, PWNS WEALTH.
GRRL+ME PWNS SUN!
I R UR WORLD!
I CAN HAS SUN!

#350 ::: Bruce Cohen (SpeakerToManagers) ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 09:29 AM:

abi @ 343

Good catch on #209 . I didn't try to obscure that the original source material is "Alice in Wonderland", but I wasn't expecting people to get that I tried to bring out that it's really Dinah's dream, not Alice's, as Alice suspects at the end.

Re #144. *gnashing of teeth and rending of garments* No one's going to get that one. There's a typo in it that makes it unintelligible, although maybe a tad whimsical (I'll trade my whimsy for a PB&J on whole wheat). It should read:

im in ur id - 0ddy

#351 ::: abi ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 09:44 AM:

Heresiarch @347:
Thanks. It's not easy repeatedly admitting ignorance in this crowd, which is what the IDing turns into (for instance, I still don't have a clue about 144, Bruce). I think I've reached the end of my willingness to do so, and my reaction to your comment is a sign of that.

I think I need to go bind some books instead. That, at least, I pretty much know.

#352 ::: Fragano Ledgister ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 09:44 AM:

Abi #343: |-|34v3n|y mu535 d0 n07 51n6 f0r y0u?

#353 ::: Del ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 09:47 AM:

Let me show you my America.
  (I see what you did there)
My America. Let me show you it.
  (Ceiling cat is watching you masturbate)
Dood... wait, what?
OMG! Ceiling cat is watching me masturbate!
Invisible cynic! WTF?

Im in your poem, harshin your mellow.
White cat is poor. Black cat is slave.
Red cat says wtf? New cat is not amused.
Aggressive cat is aggressive, defensive cat is defensive.

But we can't stop here, this is King country!
Jesus Christ it's Europe! Get in the car!
O hi I upgraded your colony.
I has a freedom!

O RLY?

Noooooo they be stealin mah freedom!
I can has pay?
No, you can't have pay <---[not yours]

Well that's your problem right there.
One does not simply Tank Cat into Mordor.
Is it can be America time now? Wait. I fix it.
Tonight we dine in hell! Americaaaaaaaa!!!

#354 ::: abi ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 09:47 AM:

Fragano @352:
Not in this case, no. Add me to the stupid list and just give us the answer?

#355 ::: Fragano Ledgister ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 09:50 AM:

abi #343: Gurer'f n qvssrerapr orgjrra Qnf Xncvgny naq gur Pbzzhavfg Znavsrfgb. V jnf nggrzcgvat gb fhzznevfr gur ynggre (naq jul qbrf Ratryf arire trg nal perqvg?)

#356 ::: Dan Layman-Kennedy ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 09:53 AM:

Second part of 113 is Naked Lunch. (Or possibly Junky. Or one of those, anyway.)

#357 ::: abi ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 09:54 AM:

Fragano,

If I've got it wrong, just say what the right answer is; we're past the sekretive stage*. I'm not an expert in the area; I made an educated guess.

------
* if there is one

#358 ::: elise ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 10:18 AM:

Heresiarch #340 - I digged ur Basho right off. Forgot nobody had attributed it yet. It made me smile a lot.

#359 ::: Fragano Ledgister ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 10:20 AM:

Abi #354: I don't think you're stupid at all. I haven't done a good job of translating Paradise Lost into LOLspeak.

#360 ::: Fragano Ledgister ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 10:26 AM:

Abi #357:

Sorry for any confusion. It's my fault for sowing it.

#158 is Milton's Paradise Lost

#218 is Marx & Engels Manifesto of the Communist Party.

#361 ::: mmetlay ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 10:40 AM:

Hello from a new poster... ahem, sorry... n00b... to the Making Light blog. What a wonderful discovery! I love playing with language and rarely get the chance these days. This thread's had me busting a gut laughing. Not metaphorically -- literally. I'm typing this from the Trauma Unit.

I owe my current state of agony to my dear old friend Joe McMahon, whose post #274 seems to have eluded indentification up until now. Allow me to correct this oversight: it is, to my knowledge, the ONLY truly palatable abridgement ever written of the Bhagavad Gita.

Best regards,

mike metlay

My day job is a blast: http://www.recordingmag.com
I like my hobby even more: http://www.atomiccity.com
- especially when shared with my friends: http://www.mindspiral.com
- sometimes a LOT of friends: http://www.differentskies.com

#362 ::: Jon Meltzer ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 10:42 AM:

l00: IM STANDN ON CORNER CARRYNG SUITK4S
jak: IM IN MY KORS3T
jAn: IM IN MY V3ST
l00: tImz w3r d1fr3nt then
l00: now poetz know LOLcatz & l33t rulz & p0st on m4knglite

#363 ::: Jon Meltzer ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 10:49 AM:

#325: That's real.

#364 ::: mmetlay ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 10:49 AM:

My apologies! I had the URL tags in the previous post mis-set, and this forum doesn't seem to allow the poster to edit or delete his previous posts.

For those who might be curious but not curious enough to cut and paste:

RECORDING, The Magazine For The Recording Musician
Atomic City
mindSpiral: Space Music With A Smile!
The Different Skies Experimental Music Festival

Thanks for your attention. Now, back to 1337ifying The Brothers Karamazov...

mike

#365 ::: elise ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 11:04 AM:

OK. I am no stranger to ignorance. Lots of lacunae to fill in here, so have at it.

235. Julie L.: that T.S. Eliot thing about fog on little cat feet
236.Tania: HIIK (Heck If I Know!)
237. abi's zombiekitteh poem, whose roots I know not, 'cept they're probably cool
239. Susan: conversation a la "The Sky Is Evil" ML thread
242. Greg London: edited repost of No Man Is An Island ?source?
243. Nicole: Emiloly's "Because I Would Not Stop For Death"? or does that have tulle?
244. Nicole: more Emiloly (pain has an element of blank?)
248. Dave Luckett: HIIK
249. Joe McMahon: Harlan Ellison, I HAVE NO MOUTH AND I MUST SCREAM
250. Heresiarch: the Trojan war, so it's the whatsit. You know. Thingie. That.
251. Francis: William Carlos Williams' plums in the icebox poem
253. Neil Willcox: HIIK
254. Brenda: William Carlos Williams' red wheelbarrow poem
258. Jon Meltzer: the Beatles "For the Benefit of Mr. Kite"
261. Heresiarch: the Iliad books 17-20
263. Jon Meltzer: more Beatles fun
265. Jon Meltzer: more Iliad neepery
269. Nomie: more Iliad neepery
271. Jon Meltzer: vast swathes of Beatles enjoyment from "A Day In The Life"
272. Rikibeth: is that Dorothy Parker, the suicide poem?
274. Howard Peirce: Langston Hughes, a dream deferred, a raisin is the sun
274. Joe McMahon: Hindu god epic fun
275. JBWoodford: Beatles, I am the Walrus, you know, that one. Right.
279. astrodyke: O! America, I am putting my queer shoulder to the wheel. I should KNOW this one! Ginsberg? Ferlinghetti? Who??
280. Allan Beatty: HIIK
281. Allan Beatty: HIIK
282. Earl Cooley III: original tribute to one of his fondly remembered cats
283. Julie L: HIIK
284. Peter da Silva: original technical writing on computer science
285. Heresiarch: The Iliad books 21-24
286. Peter da Silva: the complete works of Jane Austen
290. Fragano Ledgister: Wallace Stevens' "The Emperor of Ice Cream"
292. Jim Macdonald: Beowulf
293. abi: translation of 259
295. Heresiarch: "Thank U God" which must be t.s. eliot. o, hell, e.e. cummings. Dang. How embarrassing. Those smallcaps initiald00dz always get me confused for a minute.
298. Melissa Mead: HIIK
300. Individ-ewe-al: HIIK
303. abi: dunno, but sounds Yeatsian to me
304. elise: Edna St. Vincent Millay's "Renascence"
305. elise: same source as 304, but in textadvent this time
309. Fragano Ledgister: HIIK
311. Xopher: is that Rumi? Moving finger writ, and all?
312. repaired 311?
317. Heresiarch: Thank You God poem (ack! cannot recall author!)
322. Allan Beatty: HIIK
325. elise: Ginsberg's "The Lion For Real"
329. abi: HIIK
331. Michael Martin: HIIK
333. Jon Meltzer: HIIK
334. Mahmoth: Whitman's "Song of Myself"
335. Julie L.: Becket's "Waiting for Godot"
336. Michael Martin: Emma Lazarus' "The New Colossus" which is the Statue of Liberty poem
340. Heresiarch: another version of William Carlos Williams' red wheelbarrow poem
344. Jon Meltzer: HIIK
345. Dave Luckett: HIIK
348. Alex: ...and ride in triumph through.. dang it. HIIK, and I should oughta. Hmpf.
349. Peter da Silva: HIIK
352. Fragano Ledgister: HIIK
353. Del: HIIK

#366 ::: Diatryma ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 11:04 AM:

Del at 353, I do not know the source material, if it exists, but you have made me giggle so very much.

As part of my baby sister's graduation celebration, we chalked a bunch of messages into our front walk. I used two squares on a "This are serious cat. This are serious grad," that no one understood except me. In retrospect, I should have expected that. I, like the Ninja Turtles, live in the tubes.

#367 ::: abi ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 11:19 AM:

elise,

Three lacunae I can fill, two of them mine:

253: The Collected Sayings of Cory Doctorow: "Don't let a'holes rent space in your head"
303: The first is Stopping By Woods on a Snowy Evening, by Robert Frost. The second is The Lake Isle of Innisfree, by Yeats (So yay you! Good ear.)
329: The Day the Saucers Came, by Neil Gaiman*

-----
* If I had it to do again, I'd not have repeated the last line.

#368 ::: abi ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 11:25 AM:

And I apologise for the outburst, everyone.

#369 ::: Serge ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 11:28 AM:

abi @ 368... That's ok. It's not like you took anybody's head and turned it into a bowling ball... Did you?

#370 ::: Dave Luckett ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 11:31 AM:

Me at #345 is Nyserq Ybeq Graalfba: Hylffrf.

#371 ::: Fragano Ledgister ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 11:33 AM:

elise #365: #309 is John Masefield's "Captain Stratton's Fancy" inspired by Heresiarch's rendering of "Cargoes".

#372 ::: Jon Meltzer ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 11:36 AM:

#344 - Dave Luckett got it.
#333 is by the same author. Published by Tor, too.

#373 ::: Susan ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 11:40 AM:

elise @ #365:

Either the source for #239 is too obscure or I am even more mediocre at this game than I thought.

#374 ::: Jon Meltzer ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 11:42 AM:

And #279 is Ginsberg's "America".

#375 ::: Fragano Ledgister ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 11:44 AM:

abi #368: You haven't done anything for which to apologise.

#376 ::: Heresiarch ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 11:56 AM:

Bruce @ 350: Gung jbhyqa'g ol punapr or gung jrveq yvggyr fubeg fgbel ol Orfgre nobhg gur pbyyrtr xvq jubfr vq pna znxr guvatf unccra, vf vg? Gur bar jurer, vasbezrq bs uvf cbjre fb gung ur znl hfr vg sbe tbbq, ur vafgnagyl vtavgrf n jbeyq jne va juvpu ur pna orpbzr n jne ureb naq raq hc ehyre bire nyy?

If it is, that might bring my total IDed on this thread into the low teens.

#377 ::: abi ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 12:14 PM:

zombiekitteh has no roots. It just fell out of my fingers onto the keyboard. It was going to be a villanelle, but then it wasn't.

I was very tired that night.

#378 ::: Heresiarch ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 12:15 PM:

abi @ 367: The Day the Saucers Came!!!! This is amazing and weird: I read your version and couldn't think of where it came from. But somehow, immediately afterward I thought "Man, somebody (possibly me) ought to do The Day the Saucers Came" with no recollection of why I was just then thinking of it.

halp! abi's nfiltratin mah subconshuz!

#379 ::: ajay ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 12:16 PM:

#218:
o hai
i has a spectr
im in ur continent
hauntin it

#380 ::: Nina Katarina ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 12:25 PM:

Anyone done Milne yet?

K->Q->D: butr 4 br34d?
Q->D:
D: Srtnly. I go cow
D->Ldrknee: butr 4 br34d!
Ldrknee: zzzzz u->K: ++mrmld
D: kewl
D->Q: sry, ++mrmld?
Q: ORly?
Q->K: ++mrmld!
K->Q: Waaaaaaahmbulance!
Q->K: chill
D->Q: chill
Cow->D: chill.
+milk
+butr
K: FTW!

#381 ::: ajay ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 12:27 PM:

#377: Right, everyone, in that case we need to get abi very tired again and keep her that way. Sorry, abi, but it's for the greater good.

#382 ::: Beth Friedman ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 01:06 PM:

Dave Luckett@345 = Tennyson's "Ulysses"

It's the "profit" that gives it away for me, since it's the first and last lines that stick in my memory.

#383 ::: Howard Peirce ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 01:17 PM:

LOLbeat 103-2 was supposed to be "I Am Waiting," by Laurence Ferlinghetti, from A Coney Island of the Mind, but flawed memory defeated me and I see now that I screwed up. (S/b "wonder," not "freedom.") So, LOLbeat 103-2/Amended(383) should read: "I can has wonder?"

225: "Ur pawz 2 small 2 box with Dogs" is "The Prodigal Son," by James Weldon Johnson, from God's Trombones.* The pastiched line was also the name of a Broadway musical in the 70s. I think I mistakenly mentioned Paul Laurance Dunbar upthread. At least I didn't confuse him with James Earl Jones.

Julie 324: the server at LOLCat Builder seems to have gone into full meltdown, and I didn't save local copies of my LOLPoes, because I thought it was just a silly throwaway joke good for a chuckle at best. If it comes back up, I'll recreate them or make and save new ones.

* I have an original edition of the scanned book at the link, which the used-book guy only charged me $7.00 for because it had some foxing and worm damage. It's easily the most beautiful book I own, wormholes and all.

#384 ::: Dan Hoey ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 01:31 PM:

Hai plz w4k335mi^ 3r|i, w4k335mi^ 3r|i m0m8483 XXOXX
c0z 2m0r0 60nn48 4w5um157 d4 0v4||0v 6|4d n00 y33r
0v4||0v 6|4d n00 y33r, m0m8483, 8 4w5um157 d4 R1||y 60nn4 R00L
c0z mi c4n h4z pwnxz0r |\/|4Y m0m8483,
mi c4n h4z pwnxz0r |\/|4Y kthxbai

#385 ::: adamsj ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 01:53 PM:

Can I has marriage?
I be gud? LOL
DO NOT WANT

#386 ::: DaveL ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 02:05 PM:

#333 is Jack Vance's Demon Princes series.

At least I'm well-read in SF! I am in awe at the range of source material here.

#387 ::: Jon Meltzer ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 02:12 PM:

385: Werewolf bathtubs and Flash Gordon soap!!

#388 ::: Bruce Cohen, SpeakerToManagers ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 03:00 PM:

Heresiarch @ 376

You got it. Yes, that one's very obscure. abi, don't feel bad; I read the source about 50 years ago, and it just sort of stuck with me, because it is gung jrveq yvggyr fubeg fgbel ol Orfgre, as Heresiarch called it. And the lolcat version is only one line, based on the title. Oh, the title is "Bqql naq Vq".

#389 ::: abi ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 03:00 PM:

ajay @381
Indeed, you can thank another thread on this very site for wearing me down, like a river does a stone.

Please don't do that to me. I'm on sabbatical right now, but trust that work, kids, new house, and living in a different language environment will do the deed for you in a month or two.

#390 ::: Tania ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 03:07 PM:

#236 is The Old Man and the Sea

He doesn't catch a fish for 84 days, and when he finally gets one, the sharks eat it.

I have been loving this thread. The day job and a nasty project have been preventing me from participating as I would like. Y'all are fabulous.

#391 ::: Dan Hoey ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 03:12 PM:

MI GIVZ0RS LIFE & MI PWNZX0RS LIFE SEDZ TEH |0RX|)0R;
PEEPZ BLEEV MI & DED PEEPZ RLY GETS MOR LIVZ
& PEEPZ LIV & BLEEV MI CAN NO DI NEVER RLY BLEEVIT.

MI RLY HAS LIVE BIG OMG GUY K
& MRBIG STICK AROUND THRU CREDITS & ALL
& IF MI GETS SPLODE MI GETS SEE OMG MRBIG
& MI RLY GETS MI SEE 4MI & MI EYZ GETS RLY SEE
& IS BIG OMG GUY NOT FAKE SCAM IS REEEL K.

COZ NO PEEPZ LIVZX0R SOLO
& NO PEEPZ DIIZX0R SOLO.
COZ PEEPZ LIVZX0R HAS LIVZX0R FOR TEH |0RX|)0R
& PEEPZ DIIZX0R HAS DIIZX0R FOR TEH |0RX|)0R.
PEEPZ LIVZ OR DIIZ BUT TEH |0RX|)0R PWNZX0RS K.

YAY DED PEEPZ HAS DIIZX0R IN TEH |ORX|)OR
& B00Z SEZ MI2, COZ TIIIIRD GTG NAP KTHXBAI.

#392 ::: Xopher ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 04:11 PM:

Elise 365: 311 is Omar, not Rumi, but yes, the moving finger and the other one about the sky. And 312 was my attempt to repair 311, but I thought I hadn't hit Post yet.

#393 ::: Jon Meltzer ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 04:21 PM:

One last one, before this thread winds down.

s3ldn: hai
ch3n: go awai
fnd4tn 1: kthxbai
fnd4tn 2: ...

s3ldn: hai, krs|s 1
p1ren: i am dw33b
h4rdn: u r pwned!
fnd4tn 2: ...

s3ldn: hai, krs|s 2
w3n1s: i am dw33b
h4rdn: u r pwned!
fnd4tn 2: ...

p0ny3ts: hai
rEdrs: ping s3ldn?
p0ny3ts: kthxbai
rEdrs: n00b

s3ldn: hai, krs|s 3
k0md0r: i am dw33b
m4l0w: u r pwned!
fnd4tn 2: ...

s3ldn: hai, krs|s 4
r10s: i am dw33b
d3vrs: u r pwned!
fnd4tn 2: ...

s3ldn: hai, krs|s 5
m\/l: S3LDN IS DW33B!
b4yt4: DO NOT WANT!
m\/l: OUCH!

m\/l: ping fnd4tn 2?
fnd4tn 2: ZAP!
fnd4tn 2: u r pwned!
m\/l: w00t!

rkAdE: ping fnd4tn 2?
rkAdE: FND4TN 2 PWNED!
rkAdE: FND4TN 1 RULZ!
p4lvr: LOL DW33BZ!!

tr3viz: ping urth?
gIy4: hai
d4n33l: hai
rEdrs: NO!!

#394 ::: Kathryn from Sunnyvale ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 04:31 PM:

For mine, I found that EmiLOLy's weren't too difficult*, thus:

72: Genesis 1-3
128: ED: I'm nobody! Who are you?
153: ED 1763: Fame is a bee, and a link to ED's 1129 Tell all the truth but tell it slant in another thread.**
155: my attempt at a SinguLOLarity: Asimov's "The Last Question."
231: oblique reference to The bustle in a house the morning after death

----
* I love poetry, but I never had the knack for memorizing it (even when grades were at stake). But, funny, I could memorize ED.

**Remember, only 9 days until Blog like it's the end of the world day. We the fluorosphere should be ready to dominate. We already have.

#395 ::: Kathryn from Sunnyvale ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 04:39 PM:

and the last one I did before recognizing the dangers: 688 (superior spectre)

ghost: do not want!
houz can has haunt
houz can b fled
o noes- Iz in hed
I can has chaze?
o noes- Iz mai faze!
I can has flee?
o noes- Iz me!

#396 ::: Bruce Cohen, SpeakerToManagers ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 04:42 PM:

sea iz quiet
nice bright moon for kitteh
see light come & go
& look at big cliffs.
air smell nice for kitteh
water make noise on beach
sound start & stop
make kitteh sad.

Sound make cats long gone sad

Used to hear cats cats believing
now same sad sound of water on beach.

Kittehs stick together,
world not nice for kitteh
like all around screeching and clawing
but can't see who.

#397 ::: Dan Hoey ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 04:58 PM:

Wetfud gots 2 swims.
Airfud gots 2 flies.
Can opener gots 2 sits & wonders whies whies whies.

Wetfud gots to naps [mi eats].
Airfud gots to lands [mi eats 2].
Can opener gots to feed poor starvin kitteh b4 mi shreds sofa thksbai.

#398 ::: Fragano Ledgister ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 05:02 PM:

Bruce Cohen #396: Your cat likes Dover beach, does it?

#399 ::: Larry Brennan ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 05:19 PM:

Jon Meltzer @ 393 - Unfortunate convergence of Foudation and Robots universes.

LOLz
kthxbai

#400 ::: Bruce Cohen, SpeakerToManagers ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 05:20 PM:

Fragano @ 398

Yes; kitteh likes to hunt sea gulls.

#401 ::: Larry Brennan ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 05:20 PM:

Above should, of course, be "I Robot" universe.

#402 ::: Howard Peirce ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 05:30 PM:

"O hai, I sailed up ur river." Wind has a flavor. I can has bromide? I filled me a glass, but it drinked it. I has a madnes. DO NOT WANT. do not want. O noes! INVISIBLE VAMPIRE! Mai house asplode. No moar vampire.

"O RLY?"

g2g, kthxbai.

[Okay, now I'm just being obscure for its own sake. But in my own defense, I just re-read the original this morning.]

#403 ::: Sica ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 05:43 PM:

This one was very tough but fun. There are more stanzas but this was about as far as I could get (tonight anyway)

STFU!
u 2!
big n small
kitteh kin
if can has story
tell big tomcat
I rememberz
most oldest meow

Ah rememberz
can has tiem tiger
giving sweet mices
all 4 me
Ah rememberz
9 worldz n treez
tree root iz rooted
it can has dirt

time was teh oldest
no can has it
invisible sea
invisible sand
no can has ground
invisible sky
visible empty
invisible grass

OH HAI!
Kitteh lifted a land
maded a gardenz
didn't eated it!
World can has sun
warm spot 4 sleepin
stuffz iz growin
I can has cheezburger

#404 ::: elise ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 06:00 PM:

363 Thank you, Jon. The poem is one I care about, and it's good to hear that I didn't blow it too badly.

#405 ::: Kathryn from Sunnyvale ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 06:54 PM:

Dan @297,

uh oh- I'd been avoiding thinking about those. It'd be irresponsible to even mention 0$(4r h4mm3r$731n 2. But then again... (key of F major)

OH HAI,
LOL calz u
all ur site, all u say,
in ur threadz, callin 2 u:
"LOL all dai, LOL all dai."

OH HAI,
im takin Ovr
in ur mind, all u seez,
all u hear iz kitteh beggin:
"LOL phonymz, LOL phonymz."

ur pwnd in ur hedz
ur pwnd in ur dreamz
LOL in ur poemz iz the 1 final memez

if u trai, u b failin
2 not LOL wot u readz,
all u hear iz kitteh sayin:
"LOL phonymz, LOL phonymz."

awai u try to flee,
do not want LOL in mind,
u take Pynchon up and read it out loud
o noes! u got LOL in u,
LOLin up Lot49
l337 and lOL iz all u see:
"lOL phonymz, hear the LOL, LOL phonymz."

if u trai, u b failin
2 not LOL wot u readz,
all u hear iz kitteh sayin:
"LOL phonymz, LOL phonymz."

kthxbye,
...kthxbye,
......KTHXBYE!

#406 ::: Xopher ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 07:14 PM:

Wow, this addiction is getting bad. I just texted a friend with

i in ur fone strting ur ringtonez...got your vmail, DO NOT WANT!!
Since I generally use capitalization and punctuation and spelling even in text messages, that should shock the heck out of him.

#407 ::: nwhepcat ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 07:16 PM:

Oh, this thread has threatened to eat my brain today. And so did this poem, based on a favorite T.S. Eliot:
M4GI ROADTRIP LOLZ!!!!!!!!1!

d00dz, that wuz some 1ong ass trip
which i wd te11 u in detai1 but
its 2 boring (srsly tho,
it wuz cold n pissy n the
came1z were m33n n the p33p1 suxx0r
n wherez the gir1z w sherbet LOL
n voices in our heds at nite going u r 100z00rz!
fina1y made it FTW but im n0t te11ing that part)

im in my hometown
watchin u clutch ur weird0 g0dz
shakin my hed
cuz thats the way i roll now LOL
::wishes 2 b ded::

#408 ::: Julie L. ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 07:53 PM:

elise @ 365: 283 iz teh chorz ov Catalanta is n ur Colliedon.

#409 ::: Rikibeth ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 08:01 PM:

Elise #365: yes, "Resume." As it was considered unfair to LOLcat any Emily Dickinson not memorized, I thought I'd best pick something I'd memorized for the game.

I wonder if it's possible to translate "A Elbereth Gilthoniel" into Kitteh so it's as recognizable as the translation posted in a previous game was?

#410 ::: elise ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 09:20 PM:

373 Susan - no, the fault is in this reader, I am sure; thanks for the source info!

#411 ::: Allan Beatty ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 09:53 PM:

Dan Hoey @ #397: ROFL!

My #280 is "Gur Frperg Fvgf" ol Eboreg Sebfg from the point of view of the omniscient cat instead of mere mortals.

And I hope "Fat kitteh on mat" at #322 is easily recognizably, as the original is about cats and other felines.

#412 ::: Teresa Nielsen Hayden ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 10:08 PM:

In this crowd, I'll happily admit ignorance. Stuff I don't know is the dessert someone else brought.

#413 ::: Teresa Nielsen Hayden ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 10:20 PM:

Woot! It's nwhepcat!

"A cold coming we had of it,
Just the worst time of the year
For a journey, and such a long journey:
The was deep and the weather sharp,
The very dead of winter."

#414 ::: Jon Meltzer ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 10:28 PM:

411: Holy Varda Starkindler. I'm embarrassed to have missed that one.

#415 ::: Teresa Nielsen Hayden ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 10:33 PM:

Allan Beatty (411), the fat cat on the mat was instantly recognizable.

Xopher (406), it's a bad addiction. On Saturday I was in the audience of a panel at the BEA where the panelists (Patrick, Toni, David Weber, David Hartwell, Diana Gill, and a bookseller whose name I should remember) got to talking about high-end mainstream authors who lift genre tropes, then only acknowledge other high-end mainstream authors who use them. I had a large magic marker. I wrote

IM IN UR GENRE
STEALIN UR TROPES
on a sheet of paper and flashed it at the panel, intending only to get a giggle out of David Hartwell. But I held it up a fraction of a second too long, and saw Toni and David Weber's eyes go wide ...

David Hartwell made me hold it up for the whole class to see. I felt like I'd gotten caught chewing gum.

Dan Hoey (397), is that "Can't stop loving that stupid cat," or something else?

#416 ::: Dan Hoey ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 11:00 PM:

tnh, It's Ibaarthg, sebz Png'f Penqyr:

Svfu tbggn fjvz,
Oveq tbggn syl,
Zna tbggn fvg naq jbaqre jul jul jul.

Svfu tbggn erfg,
Oveq tbggn ynaq,
Zna tbggn gryy uvzfrys ur haqrefgnaq.

I figured as long as I was doing religion, I might as well do my religion, too.

#418 ::: Carrie S. ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 11:13 PM:

#272, Rikibeth's version of "You might as well live":
o hai
i not has peom
cuz ur has it first
i no has clever
kthxbai

#419 ::: Marilee ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 11:39 PM:

Abi, #339, mine is just haiku. I bet if we didn't have the leet and lolcats, you'd recognize it. Shiva was smart enough not to bang his head on the sliding glass door since, although he's still interested in the fireflies.

Heresiarch, #340, do you say it like Heresyarch? I've been saying it in my head with the emphasis on the RE.

Dan Hoey, #416, ah, I was thinking it was the original source: "Fish gotta swim, Birds gotta fly, I gotta have just one man til I die, can't help lovin' that man of mine" which is from Showboat.

#420 ::: miriam beetle ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 11:44 PM:

howard peirce, 402,

i'm pretty sure that's heart of darkness.

i, er, haven't actually read the book, but a woman in my senior studio based her senior project on it, so i know some of the images.

#421 ::: kathryn from Sunnyvale ::: (view all by) ::: June 04, 2007, 11:50 PM:

Dan at 416 re Dan at 397.

ah, not the show-tune version, but close enough to remind me they exist.

Iz can has bio?
can has Nein.
Can has izland?
oh noes, Ic-n...
::thumb god::

#422 ::: Dan Hoey ::: (view all by) ::: June 05, 2007, 12:30 AM:

HAI
W4rn1n6: 6075 use 1337 when r33d1n. U 5332 pr0n 4c7 12 ur pr0b k?

While terr1n off 4round 4go|f
Mi my8 m4k 4play f0r teh caddi
But then mi DO NO WANT fo||o thru
Coz all mi {> r belong 2 Dadi.

kthxbai.

#423 ::: Howard Peirce ::: (view all by) ::: June 05, 2007, 01:33 AM:

Miriam 420. Not Heart of Darkness. 402 is a classic late-19th c. Horror/Fantasy short-short story which was once widely anthologized but has lapsed into obscurity since the 1960s.

"Invisible vampire" gives it away, if you're clueful.

(OTOH, I may be terrible at the game.)

#424 ::: Howard Peirce ::: (view all by) ::: June 05, 2007, 01:46 AM:

Dan Hoey, 422:

Day n nite
Y is it so,
I can has u
where I go?
Inna roaring trafx bm,
Inna bukket I has inna rm,
I can has u,
Nite n day.

(Warning: I can go on like this for days.)

#425 ::: Tania ::: (view all by) ::: June 05, 2007, 01:56 AM:

Xopher - I was singing in lolcats/kitteh speak on the way home tonight. We are infected.

caterday
livin'ez
f1shies jumpin'
catn1p make kitteh hai

#426 ::: Howard Peirce ::: (view all by) ::: June 05, 2007, 02:14 AM:

Tania 425:

Tom can has $$$$
Quean can has pritty
STFU kitteh
No moar cry.

#427 ::: Bruce Cohen (SpeakerToManagers) ::: (view all by) ::: June 05, 2007, 02:25 AM:

hai
kitteh look down from tree
made special for special lolcats
other lolcats look down
see globes of light move by
see humanz in fancy clothes walk by
see humanz walk up
one very short walk funny
one tall
admire kitteh
PICK kitteh like flower!
WTF! kitteh not have legs! kitteh not have tail!
DO NOT LIKE!
flower dai, kitteh dai

#428 ::: Howard Peirce ::: (view all by) ::: June 05, 2007, 02:32 AM:

403 Sica: Is that Archy and Mahetibel? Don Marquis, tujours gai and all that jazz? If not, I'm going to to try some tomorrow.

#429 ::: Sica ::: (view all by) ::: June 05, 2007, 03:04 AM:

Howard at 428,

Nope it's far older than that. If you want me to say what it is, I'll happily do so though.

#430 ::: Tania ::: (view all by) ::: June 05, 2007, 03:27 AM:

::bows with respect and admiration:: to Howard.

Much better than the verses I was belting out in the car. Also much better than my "I can haz cheezburger in pardys!" that I was following it up with.

#431 ::: David Goldfarb ::: (view all by) ::: June 05, 2007, 04:22 AM:

Heresiarch@340: I'd have gotten the haiku, only I didn't realize it was meant to be separate from the wheelbarrow thing.

Elise@365: 281 is "Terence, this is stupid stuff," by A.E. Housman. (Didn't that get identified elsethread?) 331 is the opening sequence of the videogame "Zero Wing", which achieved Internet fame for the phrase, "All your base are belong to us". 333 is Jack Vance's "Demon Princes" series, which I slightly frighten myself by getting even though I've never read any of the books. 345 is "Ulysses", by Tennyson.

Continuing on from there:
Dan Hoey@384 deserves special mention for doing one that's too obfuscated for me to even read, let alone identify.
Jon Meltzer@393 does Asimov's "Foundation" series.
Kathryn@405 does "Bali Ha'i" from South Pacific...I think.
Tania@425 and Howard Peirce@426 do Gershwin's "Summertime".
Bruce@427: A bit of Bujold's Cetaganda from a different point of view.

#432 ::: Eimear Ní Mhéalóid ::: (view all by) ::: June 05, 2007, 05:52 AM:

Abi at 332; Elise already spotted that 111 is Pangur Bán.

#433 ::: abi ::: (view all by) ::: June 05, 2007, 06:42 AM:

Can't believe no one's done any of this:

lolcat n lolcat++
is in ur prezentz
watchin u play,
heerin u purr.

i can has sense?
o noes!
sintz i sees u
noe kitteh is u++.

noe meow left,
fur al on end,
pointy earz ringin,
green eyes clozin.

im in my sunbeamz
dreamin of u
makin me worse
lik ded katz befor.

- o0o -

ohai
don likz
but likz.
ask why
an how?
me don'
quait knoe
but ow!

#434 ::: nwhepcat ::: (view all by) ::: June 05, 2007, 07:06 AM:

#413: Teresa, good call!

Enjoying this thread immensely, and suspect I'll have another one of these bouncing around my brain on my commute.

#435 ::: Individ-ewe-al ::: (view all by) ::: June 05, 2007, 07:11 AM:

Just one more, cos I have to get this McgonaLOL out of my head:

o hai 1879
i in ur Scotland, ur friendly LOLfeline
LOL! Bridge shiny! River shiny too!
i can haz train? Choo-choo!
O NOES!!!1!! fateful day
invisible bridge! DO NOT WANT! peeps 4eva afk

invisible scansion. visible rhyme.
remembering kitteh remembers long time.
mah kitteh feetz needin support eg from buttresses
mah syllables needin work on stresses.
pastichin stanzas n stanzas n stanzas of similar stuff
o rly? no wai, srsly, STFU, enuff!

#436 ::: abi ::: (view all by) ::: June 05, 2007, 07:15 AM:

Indivi-ewe-al @435
I always maintained they over-engineered the Forth Rail Bridge (which they built soon after that) to prevent such poetry ever being written again.

Some Victorian engineers are at my door (I'm closest). Since they're dead, it's pretty much brains they want. Where should I send them?

#437 ::: Serge ::: (view all by) ::: June 05, 2007, 07:21 AM:

abi @ 436... When Nightmare Abi meets Isambard Kingdom Brunel?

Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
Engineers are dead?
They still hear choo-choo.

#438 ::: Del ::: (view all by) ::: June 05, 2007, 08:17 AM:

Diatryma @ #366
Thank you, I'm glad you were amused even without guessing the original. Since to my surprise no-one has yet, I must rely on something other than recognition for the lols.

I can't believe I forgot to include "I are serious cat" among the classic macros. I would certainly have found a way to fit it in if I had.

I wanted to do something different, so I avoided leet expressions or generic lolkitty grammar as much as possible, except where they turn up in actual known classic owl, cat, elephant seal, or Sparta macros. I tried to make each line a whole number of known macros (with nouns etc. swapped as required, natch), or each macro a whole number of lines.

Once again, glad you got a laugh out of recognising the sequence; as a matter of curiosity, did anyone get a sense of what the original source poem was about, even without recognising it?

#439 ::: Jon Meltzer ::: (view all by) ::: June 05, 2007, 08:23 AM:

I await the infernokrusher lolcatz.

#440 ::: Jon Meltzer ::: (view all by) ::: June 05, 2007, 08:24 AM:

I await the infernokrusher lolcatz.

#441 ::: Jon Meltzer ::: (view all by) ::: June 05, 2007, 08:27 AM:

You all can see I'm really anxious here. (Sorry for the dupe.)

#442 ::: Carrie S. ::: (view all by) ::: June 05, 2007, 09:04 AM:

jil: u can has w4tr
vms: ur in guild now kk
*
[logged in as h4rly_kwn]
ticktockcat pages: say ur sory!!
*
teh_3: we made us a foodbeast, but we eated it

#443 ::: JBWoodford ::: (view all by) ::: June 05, 2007, 09:10 AM:

Howard Pierce @ #423:

That isn't de Maupassant's "The Horla," is it? It's been a while since I read it.

#444 ::: Dan Hoey ::: (view all by) ::: June 05, 2007, 09:18 AM:

(384/431) Hai mi sori. Is 065kur & gotz no kittehs. Hir UR v1.1 ß. Still 065kur but gotz hotz kittehs kthx.

The (^^)aaai #1 Catz0r Goz H33t

Hai gotz2 brekkiez erli, brekkies erli, f33dz0r, meow,
Cuz m0rr0s iz gonnaB purrsum157 da uv kittehs ROFCMTO yir.
Uv kittehs ROFCMTO yir, f33dz0r, teh purrsum157 mousebirdfish da,
Cuz catz0r goz h33t for teh (^^)aaai, f33dz0r,
Catz0r goz h33t for teh (^^)aaai!

kthkxbai.

#445 ::: ajay ::: (view all by) ::: June 05, 2007, 09:42 AM:

rich cat is single
rich cat is in want of NAPALM

l12: IM IN UR PEMBERLEY BURNIN UR STUFF
DarC: o hai

J4N3: OMG K17y & Wikm BFF
l12: WTF?
lyd14: i can has wikm, k?
MrsB: OMG mrB U SMASH Wikm
mrB: sigh
mrB: k bai
Wikm: hai i can has $$$? LOL
DarC: NO I CRUSH YOU Wikm
mrB: u pwned Wikm
mrB: lol

Bngli: hai, back. i can has heart?
J4N3: k lol
DarC: back
DarC: o hai I incinerated Wikm
l12: cool
l12: thx 4 ur help
DarC: i can has heart?
l12: k
J4N3: is it can be krush Mr Collinz now pls?
Bngli: k LOL

#446 ::: abi ::: (view all by) ::: June 05, 2007, 09:46 AM:

hai ajay
u can has internez
kthxbai

#447 ::: Dan Hoey ::: (view all by) ::: June 05, 2007, 09:59 AM:

BTW, if anyone reading this page has not read Henry Beard's Poetry for Cats, you don't know what you're missing. E.g., from Carl Sandburg's cat:

The Storm

The storm comes
On big clumsy human feet.

And there are dozens longer and more complete. Get it.

Dan

#448 ::: Sarah S ::: (view all by) ::: June 05, 2007, 10:09 AM:

O Hai!
Iz selima!
i can has fishie?
no can has fishie?
can has water!?
DO NOT WANT!
DO NOT WA...
halp.

#449 ::: Sarah S ::: (view all by) ::: June 05, 2007, 10:12 AM:

Or perhaps...

im in ur fishbowl

drownin mehself.

#450 ::: Serge ::: (view all by) ::: June 05, 2007, 10:31 AM:

"Oh, my love."
"No! Say 'Oh, my love!'"
"You mean, I need to say it with more feline?"


Meanwhile, the best part of the movie Logan's Run was when Logan and Jessica meet the Old Man, played by Peter Ustinov who totally ad-libs, quoting T.S.Elliot's naming of cats.

#451 ::: Peter da Silva ::: (view all by) ::: June 05, 2007, 10:47 AM:

349: Hint... source to "SUN! BRIGHT!" is by John Donne
435: Tay Bridge Disaster (unless McGonaLOL is a red herring)

id try and make a pastiche of archy and mehitabel
but that just doesnt seem right
invisible cockroach is already in your typewriter
putting words on your paper
mean old rat
is already eating them
cold kitty is already dancing
in a cold alley
forever
ping don maquis? [afk]

#452 ::: Jon Meltzer ::: (view all by) ::: June 05, 2007, 12:28 PM:

#451: archy, now a 21st century cockroach, is no longer using a typewriter. he's using a computer. (still has problems with those shift keys, though.)

#453 ::: Jon Meltzer ::: (view all by) ::: June 05, 2007, 12:31 PM:

And another archy thought: "wotthehell" needs to be added to the lolcatz language.


#454 ::: John Houghton ::: (view all by) ::: June 05, 2007, 12:32 PM:

Pleeze to come out box now, kai? I be good kitteh, ur speriment don worx anywaze, kitteh watch.

#455 ::: Kathryn from Sunnyvale ::: (view all by) ::: June 05, 2007, 12:50 PM:

David @431,

Yes. It had multiple instances of "Hai", how could I not attempt a slant/ failing rhyme version*?

----
*and I have its sheet music... the audience at the premier / closing of LOLth Pacific chose to listen whilst eating her kibble.

#456 ::: Heresiarch ::: (view all by) ::: June 05, 2007, 12:57 PM:

David Goldfarb @ 431: Yeah, that's my bad. ML cuts out double spaces; I'd forgotten. I imagine that made it a lot harder to ID.

(I just summarized the Dog/Sweet potato/Arg sidelight out loud to my SO in lolcatz voices. It was remarkably fun. i rekommendz it!)

#457 ::: Barbara Gordon ::: (view all by) ::: June 05, 2007, 02:18 PM:

JulieL at 320, are you thinking of this Frost poem, The Pasture?

I’m going out to clean the pasture spring;
I’ll only stop to rake the leaves away
(And wait to watch the water clear, I may):
I sha’n’t be gone long.—You come too.

I’m going out to fetch the little calf
That’s standing by the mother. It’s so young,
It totters when she licks it with her tongue.
I sha’n’t be gone long.—You come too.

#458 ::: Carrie S. ::: (view all by) ::: June 05, 2007, 02:24 PM:

#454 is Schrodinger's Cat, from the cat's perspective.

#459 ::: Dan Hoey ::: (view all by) ::: June 05, 2007, 03:26 PM:

Munxt lix & napz & sleekist sloth,
widz feercist hiss & sharpist clauz,
Mi nawz on toyz & scratchiz rugz,
& leapz fer birdeez (gifts fer hosts).

#460 ::: Graeme Williams ::: (view all by) ::: June 05, 2007, 04:27 PM:

Should I identify my poor offering at #210?

~~~

O in yr tired boots wearing
u is yr head, y 4 sek u who
y by yr way r u 4 y u cum
2 thiz ur birdz r here?
catz ask 2 no is y
but if u r pwned deaf and dumb
n haz ken none ur words
tehn wave yr paw, ur catz 2 no
...

#461 ::: Bruce Cohen, SpeakerToManagers ::: (view all by) ::: June 05, 2007, 04:31 PM:

Peter da Silva @ 451

ping don maquis? [afk]

Lost on an operation somewhere in Brittany in 1943.

#462 ::: Xopher ::: (view all by) ::: June 05, 2007, 05:30 PM:

Heresiarch 456: HTML cuts out extra spaces. That's what &nbsp; is for. So

The &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Thing!

comes out as

The     Thing!

#463 ::: Iorwerth Thomas ::: (view all by) ::: June 05, 2007, 07:01 PM:

This is probably a bit obscure:

Does U luv me?
U sez: Sian,
purrz for me, jump
onto lap, pwn it.
Clawz shine in UR
happy. I iz speaking
with bell round throat. UR
hand iz electric from kitty fur. Small
I iz; U cradle me
on arm, wearing kitty
on breastbone. UR pulse is same
as mine.
My eye slitz iz
not for p33ping
thro; they iz evidence
that kitty alwayz finds wayz
thro scary blackness
filling UR heart.

#464 ::: ajay ::: (view all by) ::: June 05, 2007, 08:26 PM:

463: I remember being taught this at school:

Le chat a ouvert ses yeux,
Le soleil y est entre;
Le chat a ferme les yeux,
Le soleil y est reste.
Voila pourquoi, le soir,
Quand le chat se reveille,
J'apercois dans le noir
Deux morceaux de soleil.

#465 ::: Iorwerth Thomas ::: (view all by) ::: June 05, 2007, 08:44 PM:

#464: Cool. I wonder if that's something that the author of the original version (who shares a surname with me, though we're not related) is referencing in the last few lines?

#466 ::: Allan Beatty ::: (view all by) ::: June 05, 2007, 09:09 PM:

O hai, im Gully Foyle
Im from Erth
Livin in deep space
Goin to teh starz!!111eleventyone

#467 ::: Smurch ::: (view all by) ::: June 05, 2007, 09:45 PM:

Kitteh purr kittehself & meow kittehself
& kitteh hissume in ur hissume
& all kitteh atom in ur atom


#468 ::: Allan Beatty ::: (view all by) ::: June 05, 2007, 10:55 PM:

Here's a better version of 281:

O hai, dis iz stoopid
Fud gone, k
Beer gone, k
But ur pome suxxorz
hertz kitteh tummeh
<pome> Cow be stabid
Cow head iz sleepin </pome>
O noes my turn nao
2 here ur t00nz killin ur cow
2 here ur rime killin ur ladz
Do not want!
U dangle cat toy on string nao kthx

-----

Sorry, but for Housman it really has to be ladz, not dudez.

The second stanza would say something about "Catnip does more than macros can / To pleez Kitteh."

As someone mentioned upthread, this kind of exercise can force you to better understand the source. And in this case, I realize I have no idea what the fourth stanza of the original really means. That's probably why my Tolkien related takeoff of the same poem has been stuck half finished for a couple of years.

#469 ::: Paula Helm Murray ::: (view all by) ::: June 05, 2007, 11:04 PM:

Iowerth, #463, wow. u losted me in the poem, I lovez my kitteez, Angelina, Badb Catha, Siegfried and Yum! all. (in age order.... though Sig and Yumi are probably less than hours apart, they're probably the first and last of the same litter, she's 1/2 his size even thought they're now about 4 months old. Angelina is about 13 and Badb is 7, she was born in 2000, our household annus horribilis.

#470 ::: Heresiarch ::: (view all by) ::: June 06, 2007, 02:01 AM:

Xopher @ 462: Useful! However, what I meant to say was extra lines/carriage returns or whatever they're actually called. Vertical spaces. Do you know how to insert those?

#471 ::: abi ::: (view all by) ::: June 06, 2007, 03:04 AM:

Heresiarch @470:

You want a line break.
<br>

#472 ::: Mez ::: (view all by) ::: June 06, 2007, 03:25 AM:

#470 from Heresiarch, #471 from abi: If the plain old <br> doesn't work, try <br />, which it seems is the flashy new — or nu :) — version. Some places both will work, some places only one; either one.

(Still wiping eyes from reading "Dog. Sweet potato" LJ entry particle. thx)

#473 ::: Heresiarch ::: (view all by) ::: June 06, 2007, 03:30 AM:

o hai! moi luvs liek rosez
it can has a flavr
o hai moi luvs liek meowz
it can has a tune

pritty as u r, moi bonnie
so u can has moi luv
& ill luv u stil, moi dear
til aww teh fud run out

til aww teh fud run out, moi dear
n i get a bit putte out
& ill luv u stil, moi dear
while waitin--nm, bored now.

kthxbai, moi onlye luv!
kthxbai a while!
ill brb, my dearist luve
tho twere liek 10k mile


#474 ::: Mez ::: (view all by) ::: June 06, 2007, 03:36 AM:

Graeme Williams (#460): #210 is from God's Grandeur, by Gerard Manley Hopkins

I hadn't realised no-one had "pinged" it here, it's one quite deeply implanted in my mind, along with a few others of GMH.

Ummm ... and #473 is Rabbie Burrrrrns' My love is like a red, red rose.

#475 ::: MacAllister ::: (view all by) ::: June 06, 2007, 04:52 AM:

And now itz in my brainz, messin' wit my novl rerite.

Also for your general edification:

Today's winning lolbot.

#476 ::: Alex ::: (view all by) ::: June 06, 2007, 06:13 AM:

No kat iz an island, entire of itself;
every puss is a piece of the continent, a part of the Web
If a n00b getz mellow harshed by the trolls, Making Light is the less,
as well as if Technorati was, as well as if yr frendz weblog or yr own were b0rked.
Any man's death fr33ks me, becoz I am involved in teh tubes; and therefore nevar google for "for who z been dismvwlld now";
im in yr base, killing yr guyz!

#477 ::: Alex ::: (view all by) ::: June 06, 2007, 06:19 AM:

Curious how many people have gone for the most austere, rain on stone, Protestant, death-haunted stuff they can find.

#478 ::: David Goldfarb ::: (view all by) ::: June 06, 2007, 06:32 AM:

O hai
Im in ur city, pwnin ur wimmin
is it can be worship time now?
N
Im in ur dungeon, shakin ur palace
Is it can be worship time now?
N
I'm in ur head, dressin u funny lolz
All ur limbs r belong to us. kthxbye

#479 ::: ajay ::: (view all by) ::: June 06, 2007, 07:32 AM:

#477: It's a Scottish thing.

(abi counts as Scottish for the purposes of this exercise. Scotland is like the US Marine Corps, the KGB First Chief Directorate or the Hotel California; once you've been in, you never really leave.)

o hai
im in ur cellr
appreciatin ur amontillado
OMGWTF!
cellar cat is watching you immure him

#480 ::: Alex ::: (view all by) ::: June 06, 2007, 08:00 AM:

It's influencing me, though, and I'm from Yorkshire. Apart from the Graves, I've got a German, John Donne, and Auden in his northern sagas period.

#481 ::: Heresiarch ::: (view all by) ::: June 06, 2007, 08:43 AM:

Alex @ 477: I think it's because it creates the most tingly frisson between the sombreness of the source material and the sillyness of the lolz.

#482 ::: ajay ::: (view all by) ::: June 06, 2007, 09:23 AM:

It's influencing me, though, and I'm from Yorkshire.

Well tried!

But, yes, what Heresiarch said.

#483 ::: abi ::: (view all by) ::: June 06, 2007, 12:12 PM:

Alex @477:
rain on stone, Protestant, death-haunted?

I've done:
- two original poems, only one death-haunted (but cute with it)
- an essay on poetics
- a love story where, admittedly, all characters were Protestants
- a fantasy trilogy written by a Catholic
- two poems by modern authors who, I think, had little or no religious affiliation. Both have dead people, admittedly.
- two pastoral poems by Protestants, no death in either
- two poems by someone who predates Christianity entirely and are all about love

I think that Heresiarch has the key to it, though it's also that many of the "great works of the English language" have included a certain amount of Protestantism and death*.

-----
* That's just because the "Dinosaurs and sodomy" school of literary value isn't well established yet. Give it a few years for the young Turks of the field to get tenure.

#484 ::: Smurch ::: (view all by) ::: June 06, 2007, 01:33 PM:

This one would not let me go all weekend, so I finally decided to see if I could work through it...maybe I will be able to sleep now.

NEkitteh livd in pritteemeowtown
(wit up!ball up!& rubberbandown!)
flowrbulb dedmaus leafdrop sunnipane
kitteh pur he didn't kitteh rub he did

kittehz dey all (tiny&sm)
kehrd 4 NEkitteh not@all
I be scratchin ur litter & likkn ur viz
warmnap cuddlegleam twinklesleep hiss

litterkittehz gest (but sumz not allz
& furgetz dem laterz as upgrow tall
leafdrop leafbare leaflite leaful)
dat 0kitteh heart him morXmor

wenXnou & treXlef
she lolziz joi she yaoldiz greef
chikkyXbol & boksXscratchz
NEkitteh's NE b in hr allz

sumkittehz mated wit ur evryk@s
mewd ur purrnz & wiskrd ur leapz
(nap stretch scratch & den) dey
mioud ur nomorz & napt ur dremz

twinklefar hatewet warmpatch facensky
(& only coldbite kn xplainz
how kittenzeez r furgetn 2 remmbr
wit up!ball up! & rubberbandown)

1 day NEkitteh di i ges
(& 0kitteh down 2 lik hiz viz)
bizzy kittehz cvrd dem sidXsid
ltlXltl & wzXwz

allzXallz & depeXdepe
& morXmor & dreemz dey sleep
0kitteh & NEkitteh littrXshowrztim
wskrXspirit & ifXpurr

kittehshes & kittehhes (perr & pirr)
dedmaus leafdrop sunnipane leaflite
sowd in ur reapin & cam in ur went
warmpatch facensky twinklefar hatewet

#485 ::: Tania ::: (view all by) ::: June 06, 2007, 02:18 PM:

re: #477 - My family is Manx. We've got that gloom thing goin' on too.

Even if I don't write it, I like it.

#486 ::: Carrie S. ::: (view all by) ::: June 06, 2007, 02:42 PM:

Tania, seriously, your family being Manx ties in to the theme of this thread so neatly, I'm almost afraid to point it out.

#487 ::: Bruce Cohen (SpeakerToManagers) ::: (view all by) ::: June 06, 2007, 03:36 PM:

Smurch @ 484


I like that a lot. I've always been fond of the original, and I think you carried it across very nicely.

#488 ::: Dan Hoey ::: (view all by) ::: June 06, 2007, 03:57 PM:

ajay (464) thanks, that was pretty.

when mi openz mi ize,
sun gets in wiz teh shines;
den mi cloz em & naps,
still mi keeps it for mines.
soes is whyes, in teh nit,
when mi runz in teh hall,
noes u cant seez no lit
cep two wee shines iz all.

#489 ::: Nicole J. LeBoeuf-Little ::: (view all by) ::: June 06, 2007, 04:36 PM:

abi, your take on "Saucers" made me smile. Yes, I got it before the spoilers. "i can has phone call?" wins the same way "ping brother Richard / AFK" wins so many internets.

--

lost kitteh is lost
angst has a flavor - wtf? - do not want!
carz go by - moar carz go by -
lookin 4 America, brb

#490 ::: Tania ::: (view all by) ::: June 06, 2007, 04:41 PM:

::applauds:: Dan. very nice!!

#491 ::: Smurch ::: (view all by) ::: June 06, 2007, 04:43 PM:

Bruce Cohen at 487:

Thank you. I first read that when I was a senior in HS, and it's never let me go. It grows deeper and sadder and fiercer as I grow older.

I liked yours at 396 very much. (Actually the first time I read "Dover Beach" was in that same English class.) I find your lolcat version more poignant than the original, frankly. And you even captured the onomatopoeic effects - just wonderful.

#492 ::: JoAnne ::: (view all by) ::: June 06, 2007, 06:02 PM:

Carrie S.'s #442:

1. Dune.

2. "Repent, Harlequin!" Said The Ticktockman.

3. Soylent Green?

#493 ::: Sarah ::: (view all by) ::: June 06, 2007, 06:05 PM:

V3rg1l: singin of 4rms
V3rg1l: singin of t3h m4n
Jn0: Im in ur ocean, pwning ur sh1ps
43n34s: WTF f4t3 is t3h sux0rs

D1d0: hai
D1d0: lol
43n34s: lolz backstory

L40c00n: *ded from sn4k3s*
H0rs3: PWN
Tr0j4ns: pwnt
43n34s: OMGWTFBBQ Cr3u54
Cr3u54: I is ghost lol

Tr0j4ns: yay Crete
Tr0j4ns: *is dyin*
4nch1s3s: o wrong place... sorries! ^_^

Tr0j4ns: yay C4rth4g3
V3nu5: hai Cupid
V3nu5: make D1d0 think 43n34s is hawt
Cupid: k

D1d0: we r t3h m4rr13d
43n34s: f4t3 sry lol bai
D1d0: OMG U SUX0RS I KEEL MEHSELF!

43n34s: Im in ur underworld, sayin Im... sorries?
D1d0: I H8 U
43n34s: f4t3 sry lol bai

#494 ::: Rikibeth ::: (view all by) ::: June 06, 2007, 06:19 PM:

Nicole #489 - Simon & Garfunkel, "America"?

#495 ::: Carrie S. ::: (view all by) ::: June 06, 2007, 07:17 PM:

#492:
1: No, but it is a novel of about the same age.
2: Yep. That one's pretty easy. :)
3: No. It's a short story.

#496 ::: Jon Meltzer ::: (view all by) ::: June 06, 2007, 07:45 PM:

#495: I grok.

#497 ::: Carrie S. ::: (view all by) ::: June 06, 2007, 08:05 PM:

Precisely!

#498 ::: JoAnne ::: (view all by) ::: June 06, 2007, 09:38 PM:

Carrie S. #442

#492:
Carrie S.: "1: No, but it is a novel of about the same age."
[sfx:pennydrop] Stranger in a Strange Land?

Carrie S.: "3: No. It's a short story."
Hm, so it wouldn't be The Space Merchants then as that is a novel. Chikn Litl would surely please Kitty!

#499 ::: Carrie S. ::: (view all by) ::: June 06, 2007, 09:43 PM:

Stranger in a Strange Land?

Yep.

For #3, the clue is really in the identity of the people 'speaking'.

#500 ::: Julie L. ::: (view all by) ::: June 06, 2007, 10:08 PM:

Smurch@484: that's lovely; I'd been pondering the original, but couldn't figure out how to approach it, esp. after my brain broke by finding out that George Lucas once made a student film of it.

#501 ::: Nicole J. LeBoeuf-Little ::: (view all by) ::: June 06, 2007, 11:18 PM:

Rikibeth - yeppers.

I tried constructing the rest of it on my way home from work -

can we has bbf plz?
ur stuff & mai stuff can has b owr stuff
gotz summa mai stuffs right here

- or -

--i can has ciggies?
--no! ciggies all gone ROFL
nao stfu i iz reading
--kk fcku k thx bai
i iz lookin at moon anywai

- but I feared if I continued in this vein I wouldn't be able to look myself in the mirror for days.

I have this conflict. While I adore the lolcatz stuff, I have a very low pain threshold for parody. I'm having a hard time striking the right balance.

#502 ::: Bruce Cohen (SpeakerToManagers) ::: (view all by) ::: June 07, 2007, 12:23 AM:

Carrie S @ 499

Damn, I missed those when you posted, and only saw them because of JoAnne's post. #3 is Terry Carr's "The Dance of the Changer and the Three", right?

#503 ::: Bruce Cohen (SpeakerToManagers) ::: (view all by) ::: June 07, 2007, 12:37 AM:

Julie L. @ 500

*choking noises, followed by strangled whisper barely audible to bats* - George Lucas! That looked like something Norman McLaren might have done.

Seriously, that's some major cognitive dissonance. Yet more evidence that Lucas is a very private dude that few people know very well.

Though now that my bogglemeter is starting to fall down out of the red zone, it sort of makes sense. Lucas' forte was editing; it's what he did and loved best (aside from being a producer, of course). And unless you did it in animation, which would have been my choice, the only way to get the charm and somewhat eldritch quality you'd need for that piece is with that sort of editing.

But still ... *stumbles off, muttering into beard*

#504 ::: Nicole J. LeBoeuf-Little ::: (view all by) ::: June 07, 2007, 12:38 AM:

Marilee @164 (because it's so fun I'm rereading the whole dang thread)...

Do you know, I actually did that once? We had to replace the screen door. I believe my last words before committing the deed were, "hey, check this out--"

BOINGGGGGG

#506 ::: Carrie S. ::: (view all by) ::: June 07, 2007, 09:40 AM:

Bruce @ 502: Yes! I love that story. And I've never understood why the narrator says it doesn't make sense that they had to eat it. Of course they had to eat it!

Nineveh: Gaudy Night?

#507 ::: Smurch ::: (view all by) ::: June 07, 2007, 12:20 PM:

Julie L at 500, thank you for sharing that link. Who would have guessed? I would love to see the whole thing. I wonder if the music on the soundtrack was composed esp for the film. The rhythms are uncannily similar to the original poem's.

Knowing this makes me want to see American Graffiti again. Because now I can readily imagine a cummings-inflected atmosphere that I would never have thought to look for. Right away, themes of identity and cycles of life.... hmmmm.....

#508 ::: Nineveh ::: (view all by) ::: June 07, 2007, 03:55 PM:

Carrie S, yes, that was Gaudy Night.

There was supposed to be a link to the macros (sans cats), but I failed. No attempts to make it look good this time:
http://nineveh-uk.livejournal.com/31677.html#cutid1

#509 ::: Rikibeth ::: (view all by) ::: June 07, 2007, 05:32 PM:

Nicole 501 - I think the lolcat answer to "i can has ciggies?" might be "i bought you ciggies but i smokeded them."

Low tolerance for parody aside, I love your take on it.

#510 ::: Liz ::: (view all by) ::: June 07, 2007, 06:11 PM:

sad kitteh wuz walkin
lonely liek cloudz
floatin over hillz
cloudz iz borin
hillz iz borin
Do not want!
hungry nao
i can has cheezburger?
no cheezburger here
iz daffodilz
they can has a flavor?
N

O hai
im in ur daffodilz
eatin ur poetz
they has a flavor
kthxbai!


#511 ::: Jo Walton ::: (view all by) ::: June 07, 2007, 07:06 PM:

OK, I want to try this one again:

I'm in my study, reading my quaint and curious volumes of forgotten lore. (Aside: like for instance, spelling.)

I can has surcease of sorrow?
Oh noes!

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Raven.
Raven who?
Raven from the Night's Plutonian Shore!

Raven: Hai, I'm on ur pallid bust of Pallas quothing ur Nevermore.

I can has talking Raven!
I'm in my violet velvet chair, talking to my talking Raven!

I can has balm in Gilead?
Raven: Nevermore.

I can has lost Lenore?
Raven: Nevermore.

(Aside: Quit while you're ahead, guy! This Raven only knows like one word.)

I can has shadow lifted?
Raven: Nevermore! Pwned!

#512 ::: kouredios ::: (view all by) ::: June 07, 2007, 08:58 PM:

Just catching up here, and I must say special thanks to Nomie & Heresiarch for the Homer.

Here's my poor contribution:

54F0: O hai 4fr0d173
plz n0 p41nz
plz halp

4fr0d173: whut nao 54F0?
wh0ze luv U W4n7?
1f f|335, w1|| hun7,
3v3n 1f DO NOT WANT

54f0: kthxbye

#513 ::: Epacris ::: (view all by) ::: June 07, 2007, 10:25 PM:

Sarah @448, 449: Thomas Gray's sad little moral tale 'On a Favourite Cat, Drowned in a Tub of Gold Fishes'
My contribution to this thread is silent, but deep, appreciation, with sporadic laughs-out-loud.

#514 ::: Allan Beatty ::: (view all by) ::: June 07, 2007, 11:34 PM:

Anyone still reading is gonna hate me for this duet:

i is teh hick
> i is teh roxxor
i can has memphis & nashvl
> i can has motown flavr
is it good (y/n)?
> /me luvs it
i is teh hick
> i is teh roxxor

#515 ::: Nicole J. LeBoeuf-Little ::: (view all by) ::: June 08, 2007, 03:34 AM:

Well spotted, Rikibeth! That would indeed have been the protocol-required LOLcatz response. (I can't believe I missed that...)

Lovin' the lolsappho, kouredios.

In light of the latest open thread, hasn't someone got a lolpastiche of Star Trekin' up their sleeve?

#516 ::: Dave Luckett ::: (view all by) ::: June 08, 2007, 04:51 AM:

Ohai, u lyin. Ths aina way.
U in my road, pwnin me
Can has turnoff, NEway? kk.
Havta, lol.
Sik, must AFK kthxbi
Only not, lol
k, me pwnd
but gotta go
0ffroad.
Can has treez? n. Can has flwrz? n.
Can has d00msd4y. k.
Can has sur5? n/!= k
Can has gr4ss? Can has h0rz? k
Can has pain? kkkkk
Can has w1ne? k
Can has Cuthb3rt? n. W3||, k.
Can has G1|ez? n. He pwnd.
Can has b4t? n. Can has help? n.
Can has f4st riva? kk.
iz gud? n.
w4tr4t? n. dedman? n. b3b3? n.
WTF? b3t4? n. To4dz? n C4tz? n
Iz in yr gall3y pwnn u. n.
Can hv m4chine? k
Can hv mrsh? k. WTF? tru4yu.
4|| ded, kk.
A1n0 furtheron.
Can have m0untenz? kk
C it n0w? kk. IC
Tw3r.
C4n hv b3||? nn
C4n hv sl0g4n? kk. Bl3w. ur 0|| pwnd lol.

#517 ::: David Goldfarb ::: (view all by) ::: June 08, 2007, 06:51 AM:

Liz@510 is Wordsworth, "I wandered lonely as a cloud."
Allan Beatty@514 is Donny and Marie Osmond....

Nobody seems to have guessed my 478, so I'll reveal that it's The Bacchae of Euripides.

#518 ::: abi ::: (view all by) ::: June 08, 2007, 07:56 AM:

Well, while we're revealing our classical roots, 432 was two poems by Catullus (51, which is a translation of a Sappho ode plus an extra verse, and his most famous couplet, 85). I thought we needed him in the thread, if only because of the name.

#519 ::: kouredios ::: (view all by) ::: June 08, 2007, 08:45 AM:

David Goldfarb @ 517: I am covered in shame. Somehow I missed the text I am in the midst of translating for my Masters thesis. Yipes.

In penance, here's another 54f0, the one Catullus translated:

Hez in ur s173
Hez h34rin ur |4ff
1m w15h1n 1 R
C4n7 5p34k
7urnin gr33n
1 d1ez
1 is ded


#520 ::: abi ::: (view all by) ::: June 08, 2007, 08:59 AM:

koureidos,

Did you not read the previous posting? That's Catullus 51, which I also did (at greater length) in 432...

(Not that I object to multiple versions, of course.)

#521 ::: abi ::: (view all by) ::: June 08, 2007, 09:01 AM:

Sigh. Read twice, post once.

I did the Catullus, you did the Sappho.

Apologies, koureidos.

#522 ::: kouredios ::: (view all by) ::: June 08, 2007, 09:02 AM:

abi @ 520: No, I read it. And originally I was going to note that you did the Catullus, while I did the Sappho (different poems, even if we call Catullus' a translation), but I figured since I was posting right after you it would be obvious. *g*

#523 ::: kouredios ::: (view all by) ::: June 08, 2007, 09:03 AM:

Ack! cross post! :D

#524 ::: kouredios ::: (view all by) ::: June 08, 2007, 09:36 AM:

And, of course, no apologies needed.

#525 ::: Dan Layman-Kennedy ::: (view all by) ::: June 08, 2007, 10:31 AM:

Kitteh comin to strangers housez
Be lookin and lisnen gud
Mebbe dogz insied!

O hai! Kitteh is here
I can has chair?

I can has warm spot?
I can has fud an bedz?

I can has watr?
Mebbe scrichin bhind earz
OK dun nao. Ketteh talkin.

Kitteh on road must beez smrt kitteh.
Dumb kittehs stayz hoem!

#526 ::: Mary Aileen ::: (view all by) ::: June 08, 2007, 11:41 AM:

A few very short, very silly ones:

Purple cow?
Oh noes!

----------

Panther and leopard iz catz
Panther haz no spotz
When panther planz to pounce
Soon you haz hurtz
If panther callz
Be vewy, vewy quiet.

----------

Woodchuckz iz too busy.
I take nap now.

#527 ::: Eris ::: (view all by) ::: June 08, 2007, 11:52 AM:

jokr: how u find way out?
confusd cat is confusd
bzznsscats takn' mah wine,
plowcats takn' mah erth
DO NOT WANT

th33f: lol
me 2!

watchtower cat is watching u walkn barefut

angrycat is watching riders in teh wind

-----------------------------------

i's in ur reno
shootin' ur d00dz
i wuz board :[

#528 ::: Twilight ::: (view all by) ::: June 08, 2007, 01:09 PM:

stipey kittehz on cagey feets
oh hai ur in mah space

walk n ur talk
stalk n ur smooch

in ur streets slippin while u sleepz
big l33t sleek kittehz
iz wide n brite
in ur night roxxoring, scratch n we bite
pwning yr songs

O NOES!!1! water!
u n kitteh
4 years u say summthin?
i canz show u in spring
tricksy thing
*hiss* miss u

l44t pritteh kittehz
i can haz anything 4 u
we can haz tee
we can haz creem
curl at ur fire, sleepin
grooven in ur l33t dream

O NOES!!1! water!
u n kitteh
4 years u say summthin?
i canz show u in spring
tricksy thing
*hiss* miss u

l44t pritteh kittehz
i can haz anything 4 u
we can haz dinner
we can haz creem
curl at ur fire, gettin upz!
grooven in ur l33t dream

pawz 2 pawz
oh hai land!
dizzeh
pwn'd meeces
kthxbye dumb lus3r lolz

kitteh luvs u kbye

- lolluvcats

#529 ::: Rikibeth ::: (view all by) ::: June 08, 2007, 06:55 PM:

#526 Mary Aileen -- the middle one is Ogden Nash. "If called by a panther / Don't anther."

#530 ::: Dan Hoey ::: (view all by) ::: June 08, 2007, 07:11 PM:

(384/431/444) I suppose it's time to say, is Tennyson's The May Queen.

391, well, I'm kind of ashamed of the way I hacked it up; I'll try to rewrite it with kittehs....

459 may be anon., though part of it got into SF lit & film. I'm surprised no one seems to have twigged to its texture.

#531 ::: Nicole J. LeBoeuf-Little ::: (view all by) ::: June 08, 2007, 07:40 PM:

Oh, luvcatz! *hearts-n-flowers-to-Twilight*

Eris's lolcash made me LOL in a cackly sorta way.

#532 ::: Mary Aileen ::: (view all by) ::: June 08, 2007, 07:41 PM:

Rikibeth (529): Yep. That final couplet sprang full-blown into my head.

Any guesses on my other two in 526? Hint: the third is not a poem but a tongue-twister.

#533 ::: Rikibeth ::: (view all by) ::: June 08, 2007, 07:44 PM:

Mary Aileen -- "I never saw a purple cow" is Gelett Burgess, right?

And the woodchuck could chuck wood?

#534 ::: David Goldfarb ::: (view all by) ::: June 09, 2007, 05:31 AM:

kouredios@519: Cool. I'd be interested to see your translation -- unless you'd rather not, of course. I'm currently reading the play on my own (well, with a small group, but the group seems to have broken up) and am almost done. Which is of course why I did the LOLcat version.

#535 ::: homunq ::: (view all by) ::: June 09, 2007, 11:42 AM:

When I first read "Bodily Harm" by Margaret Atwood, made me think of infocom: the main theme being a events beyond the protagonist's control, only one action available; the main setting, a small island. Years later, when I saw her at a book signing, I (college kid that I was) asked her for "the video game rights to Bodily Harm". She sneered at me, and I hastily dug the hole deeper by saying "No, not like, BODILY HARM THE VIDEO GAME, more like literary, you know? Maybe we could change the name". Her sneer deepened, of course.

So: in honor of her and my young daughter.

You are in a tree.

LOOK

You are way up in a tree.
It is sunny.
An owl is here.

GET OWL

It has started to rain.
You are getting wet.
Your companion opens her umbrella.

INVENTORY

You have:
an umbrella.

OPEN UMBRELLA

The umbrella keeps the rain off you.
The owl is getting wet.

WHAT A PAIN

I do not know what a pain is.
It is spring.

SWING

You swing.
It is fall.

CRAWL

You crawl.

DANCE

You dance on the branches.
Oh no! It's getting windy.

HOLD BRANCH

You don't fall off.
You are in the tree.

LOOK

Oh my! Oh me!
There is no ladder here.

D

You can't go that way.

INVENTORY

You have:
no pancakes
no tea

GET WATER

There's no hot water here.

D

You can't go that way.
You are in a HORRIBLE TREE.
The owl goes east.

LOOK

The owl has entered.
The FRIEND has entered.

MOUNT FRIEND

You and your companion mount the friend.

D

You are on the ground.
Safe and sound. Safe and sound.
There are tables and chairs here.

MAKE STAIRS

What do you want to make the stairs with?

TABLES AND CHAIRS

You make stairs.
You are on the ground.

U

You are in the tree.
The end.

#536 ::: kouredios ::: (view all by) ::: June 09, 2007, 04:38 PM:

David Goldfarb @ #534: It's done to about line 520, but I keep going back and tweaking every time I sit down. Tweak, translate some more, tweak again, translate further. I'm on draft #12 at the moment. I'm defending in August, so I have to speed it up.

I posted a snippet of it at my LJ (linked in my name above) yesterday, and have some discussion (most of it with Fragano) about the particular focus of the translation in there somewhere too. I'd love to talk about it some more and have more eager readers as well.

#537 ::: Mary Aileen ::: (view all by) ::: June 09, 2007, 05:32 PM:

Rikibeth (533): Yep.

#538 ::: Iorwerth Thomas ::: (view all by) ::: June 09, 2007, 08:24 PM:

I should probably admit that #463 is 'Sian', by R. S. Thomas, a famously miserable and slightly xenophobic Welsh vicar (who nonetheless wrote most of his poetry in English).

I'm fond of the poetry, less so of the poet...

#539 ::: Julie L. ::: (view all by) ::: June 10, 2007, 12:29 AM:

s3th3: r u my b4by g1rL???
b4by g1rL: i m b3l0v3d & i pwn y00
s3th3: k

#540 ::: David Goldfarb ::: (view all by) ::: June 10, 2007, 06:42 AM:

Julie L.: That actually took me a few seconds, but of course it's Beloved, by Toni Morrison.

#541 ::: Larry Lennhoff ::: (view all by) ::: June 10, 2007, 10:58 AM:

We join the game already in progress:
You are standing before a great opening in the side of the mountain. A fetid breeze blows from the opening. There is writing above the gate.

LISTEN
You hear a distant wailing of many voices speaking many tongues.

LISTEN
You hear the faint faraway sounds of an infernal din.

SAVE
You can't be saved until you have completed your journey

SAVE GAME
game saved

READ WRITING
The writing is in Italian. You don't read Italian.

TRANSLATE WRITING
With what?

FIND TRANSLATOR
You killed the old man you met in the woods.

WAIT
Time passes

WAIT
Time passes

[Consult cheat book]
SHIFT CTRL I META E

The writing ripples and is now in English.

READ WRITING
Through me the road to the city of desolation
Through me the road to sorrows diturnal
Justice moved my great maker
Omnipotent God made me
The highest wisdom and the primal love
Nothing was made ere I save things eterne
And I abide eternally
Lay down all hope, ye who enter.

#542 ::: Owlmirror ::: (view all by) ::: June 10, 2007, 01:34 PM:

@#541: If you are Dante, and in the Inferno, wouldn't you be Italian, and therefore be able to read the Italian language?

Or is this some Infocom trope with which I am unfamiliar?

#543 ::: Owlmirror ::: (view all by) ::: June 10, 2007, 01:45 PM:

is brillig tiem na0w
toves sez: we be in ur wabe / all slithy and spinnin
borogroves sez: we be sad (;_;) :-(
raths sez: NOOOOOOO! we be l0std! suxx0r!

O NOES, jabberwock!
O NOES, jub-jub bird!
bandersnatch, DO NOT WANT! iz FRUMIOUS!

i haz a v0rpl sw0rd. brb.
he b hidn, i b seekn.
im under ur tumtum tree, thinkn.

jabberwock iz in ur tulgey wood
wifflin and burblin

TEH V0RPAL BLADE PWNZ0RS UR HED!!!!1!1!1!!

u kill jabberwock?
iz hugz tiem naow!
woot LOL


(humpty-dumpty iz in ur kidz book
bl0vi8n)

#544 ::: Peter da Silva ::: (view all by) ::: June 10, 2007, 04:40 PM:

I'd LOL but OH NOES my head hurtz too much.

Jabberwock: *burble*
Vorpal Blade: *snickersnack*

Level up!
You recieved: one Jabberwock head!
You are now beamish!
Today is frabjous!

I think Charles Dodgson would be part of this thread by now, were he alive today.

#545 ::: fidelio ::: (view all by) ::: June 11, 2007, 08:58 AM:

IM IN UR RACE, B34TIN UR COLTZ.
CURLIN U R PWNZORED!!!!!1!!!!11
GRRLS RULE!!!!11!!!!!!111ONE!!
LOL

To be fair, that's recent events and not a twist on literature.

#546 ::: Peter da Silva ::: (view all by) ::: June 11, 2007, 09:58 AM:

I R IN UR BILLABONG
STEALING UR JUMBUCKS

O NOES! TROOPERS! DO NOT WANT!

I R IN UR BILLABONG
HAUNTING U

#547 ::: Larry Lennhoff ::: (view all by) ::: June 11, 2007, 10:48 AM:

@542 I was thinking of someone playing the Infocom game of The Divine Comedy, not retelling the story.

#548 ::: Fragano Ledgister ::: (view all by) ::: June 11, 2007, 11:33 AM:

YBYpngm e rieljurer. Qvf vm rivy.

#549 ::: Peter da Silva ::: (view all by) ::: June 11, 2007, 12:44 PM:

IM IN UR PILGRIMAGE
TELLIN TALES
A BEARD! LOL!

#550 ::: Owlmirror ::: (view all by) ::: June 11, 2007, 09:58 PM:

I can has gold?
HALP! I'z COLD!!!
I'z DED and cold.
I'm in ur fire, bein all warmz lol

#551 ::: David Goldfarb ::: (view all by) ::: June 12, 2007, 07:07 AM:

546: "Waltzing Matilda"
549: The Canterbury Tales
550: "The Cremation of Sam McGee"

#552 ::: Jon Meltzer ::: (view all by) ::: June 12, 2007, 09:00 AM:

IM IN UR IC3CR33M SHOP
CHILLIN WIT MI F4M1L1
PL4Y1N J0URN31 ON YR JUKEB0X
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
[credits]

#553 ::: iain ::: (view all by) ::: June 12, 2007, 09:45 AM:

First attempt at this.

Some Philolsophy:

R3n3 D3sc@z: I can has apple?
YES
R3n3 D3sc@z: Apple has a flavour?
YES
R3n3 D3sc@z: Oh Noes! Evil Dem0n!
R3n3 D3sc@z: Ping World
WORLD AFK
R3n3 D3sc@z: Ping body
BODY AFK
R3n3 D3sc@z: Do not want!
R3n3 D3sc@z: thinks
R3n3 D3sc@z: ping self
Self: ohai
R3n3 D3sc@z: ping God
God: ohai
R3n3 D3sc@z: evil demon pwned
R3n3 D3sc@z: ping world
world: ohai
R3n3 D3sc@z: ping body
body: ohai
R3n3 D3sc@z: kthxbai

#554 ::: Dan Layman-Kennedy ::: (view all by) ::: June 12, 2007, 08:29 PM:

Hrm. When I was translating 525 into lolcat, I was worried it was too obvious.* Now I wonder if it's too much obscured.

*Only in this crowd would I think that about the original in question. But I did decide against including a bit from much later that would've been a dead giveaway. Probably.

#555 ::: Mary Aileen ::: (view all by) ::: June 13, 2007, 11:17 AM:

Dan, I thought 525 was Goldilocks. No? Yes?

#556 ::: Dan Layman-Kennedy ::: (view all by) ::: June 13, 2007, 12:39 PM:

Nope, though I can see why it looks like that. It's the first few verses of something older, and much longer.

#557 ::: TexAnne ::: (view all by) ::: June 13, 2007, 06:00 PM:

Yikes. The game got all fancy while I was AFK! plebeian cat is lowerin the tone.

im in ur d1n0
havin ur buttsecks

#558 ::: Owlmirror ::: (view all by) ::: June 13, 2007, 08:56 PM:

Fit I:

I'm in ur hall, tellin u all:
I has an ax. U wants 2 play?

I pwnz ur ax!
I pwnz ur hed!

...
OMGWTFBBQ!!!!
...


ROFL! Mai turn nex tiem! Pwnd!

#559 ::: Rob Rusick ::: (view all by) ::: June 14, 2007, 12:27 AM:

Peter da Silva @544: I think Charles Dodgson would be part of this thread by now, were he alive today.

I was thinking Alfred Bester would have enjoyed it (finding it inspiring too).

#560 ::: Peter da Silva ::: (view all by) ::: June 14, 2007, 08:06 AM:

Turning this on its head:

"IK BE IN YRE TÖN, SLÆING YRE CÆRLS"

(handcrafted umlauts provided by AdB)

#561 ::: DaveL ::: (view all by) ::: June 14, 2007, 10:33 AM:

The original (non-commercial) Zork, which eventually spawned (commercial) Infocom, debuted almost exactly 30 years ago, in June, 1977. With that in mind:

IM N UR HIZTRY BUKZ
MAKIN U F33L 0LD

#562 ::: Bruce Cohen, SpeakerToManagers ::: (view all by) ::: June 15, 2007, 11:51 AM:

A cause for celebration.

I n ur twisty passages all alike
makin them all different

#563 ::: P. Burke ::: (view all by) ::: June 19, 2007, 11:15 PM:

How about some Stephen Crane?

I'm in ur desertz
Watching ur creaturz be nekkid n bestial
He's holdin his heart and eatin it
Invisible dining room lol!
I sez, "Ur heart has a flavor?"
He sez, "It has a bitter flavor. Bitter lolz.
DO WANT!
Cuz it has a bitter flavor
And cuz I has a heart."

#564 ::: P. Burke ::: (view all by) ::: June 20, 2007, 10:12 AM:

O hai
I finded you some plums in yr fridge
But I eated them
Kthxbye

#565 ::: Francis ::: (view all by) ::: June 22, 2007, 09:19 AM:

A belated addendum to this thread:

To His LOL Mistress

I has a mortality
Oh noes you is being all coy
I WEEL LEECK YOU

#566 ::: B-chan ::: (view all by) ::: July 02, 2007, 02:46 PM:

Mudderofmudder's Very Purdy
(apologies Gerard Manley Hopkins)

Every of sing is sploding to Mudderofmudder
It will be very shiny rike is an arn-pater
It could be a runny, rike is an oyil
Smuss! Why Cat not is scary to Mudderofmudder's craw?

Many cats have goed at many of tines
And too many of tackins
And hairs is dirty and stinky of every Cat
Not can is feel nussin, with the dead paw

Mudderofmudder's every of sing is not burn up!
In every of sing is a very refreshing
It could duss is be very dark at a night in some prace,
But, soonly, it will duss be a sunny in every of prace!
Mudderofmudder is breevin on every of prace,
And every of prace has mudder's warm stermick
and mew! a very purdy of wing.

original

#567 ::: MD² ::: (view all by) ::: July 07, 2007, 02:44 AM:

I probably shouldn't bring back such an old thread, but I felt like at least contributing something.
Thanks for one of the best moment I've had in months, and my apologies for my bit not being funny. I really wish it was, but the only funny idea I had I couldn't find my english version of the text.
That thread is beautiful.

-----------------------------------

You are standing beside a group of bushes and trees, near a railway line.
There is a bird in a tree nearby.

>INVENTORY
You are carrying:
a pair of binoculars.

>LOOK AT BIRD WITH BINOCULARS
It's a male green woodpecker.
He's tapping the trunk of an old dead tree, searching for grubs.
You hear someone shouting "hands up" next to you.

>LOOK AROUND
You're still using the binoculars.

>LOWER BINOCULARS
Done.

>LOOK AROUND
Ernie and Raymond are standing next to you. Ernie is holding a .22-caliber rifle. Raymond has a string with fourteen tiny dangling dead birds slung over his shoulder.

>DON'T POINT THE RIFLE
“We’re givin’ the orders round ‘ere!” barks Ernie.
“I’ll count to five, and if they’re not up by then, you get it in the guts".

>RAISE HANDS
You raise your arms slowly above your head.
Raymond snatches the binoculars.

>TRY TO ESCAPE
They’d catch you in seconds.

>LEAVE ME ALONE
Ernie grabs you and throws you to the ground.
They tie your wrists together tight.

>RESIST
You receive a punch in the stomach.
You're now trussed up like a chicken.
They drag you to the railway tracks and lay you down right between two rails.

>MOVE
The only parts of your body you can move are your head and feet..

>YOU'RE MAD
Ernie and Raymond sit on the grass behind some bushes.

>THIS IS MURDER
They both lit up a cigarette.

>THINK
The end of your nose is sticking up about four inches above the rails. Not very much clearance these modern diesels have above the ground.

>WRIGGLE HEAD
You gradually make a small hole in the gravel. Two inches gained.

>SWING FEET
They now lay almost flat.

>WAIT
You wonder if the noise of the train will be deafening, or if there'll be a vacuum suking you upward.

>PRESS AGAINST GROUND
You're still stiff and tense.

>LOOK AT SKY
It's blue. A single huge cumulus cloud is drifting slowly from left to right.

>LOOK FOR FACES IN CLOUDS
You find a one-eyed man with a beard.
You can hear the train coming.

>CLOSE EYES
Your eyes are closed.

>SINK INTO GROUND
There is an explosion.
A gun has gone off in your head.
You're being eaten alive and swallowed up in the belly of a screaming murderous monster.
The train has gone.

>OPEN EYES
The sky is blue. The cloud is still drifting.
Raymond cut the string around your ankles.
“Get up” says Ernie.

>GET UP
You get to your feet.

>LET ME GO
You remember when Ernie once broke little Wally Simpson’s arm after school. You think you'd better remain silent.
"Walk toward the lake".

>WALK TOWARD THE LAKE
You're in front of the lake.

>LOOK
The lake is beautiful, long and fairly narrow with tall willow trees growing along its banks. There's a mallard drake with a curvy spoon-shaped yellow beak and a head of emerald green with a white ring around its neck. Ernie raises his gun.

>BIRD SANCTUARY !
Ernie shots.
The duck crumple in the water.
“Go get ‘im!”

>REFUSE
Ernie hits you across the face hard with his open hand. A small trickle of blood begins running out of your nostrils.
"Refuse me one more time and I’m goin’ to knock out every single one of them shiny white front teeth of yours.”
“Go get ‘im!”

>GO GET HIM
He fell into the muddy water.

>GO INTO MUDDY WATER
You go go into the muddy water.
The duck fell the other side of reeds.

>GO THROUGH REEDS
You go through the reeds.

>PICK UP DUCK
You picked up the duck.

>COME BACK
You came back.
Raymond takes the duck from you.
“Lookit in there!”

>LOOK
There is a magnificent white swan sitting serenely on her nest like a great white lady of the lake. Her head is turned toward you, alert and watchful.
Ernie raises his gun.

>DON'T SHOOT
Ernie start pulling the trigger.

>PLEASE
The gun goes off.
The bullet hits the swan right in the middle of her elegant head.
The long white neck collapses onto the side of the nest.
“Go get ‘im!”

>REFUSE
"For the last time, go get ‘im!”

>CRY
Tears are running down your face.

>GO INTO WATER
You slowly go into the water.

>TAKE SWAN
You pick it up tenderly with both hands.
“Any eggs?”

>LOOK
Underneath the swan were two tiny cygnets.

>SAY NO
Ernie and Raymond seems to believe you.

>COME BACK
You come back.

>DISCARD SWAN
You place it on the ground.

>RIGHTEOUS FURY
You stand there, as tall as you can, splendid in your fury, facing the two boys.

>BOYS, TELL TRUTH
You tell them they're a couple of ignorant idiots that ought to be dead for that stupid, pointless, filthy act of vandalism.
Ernie says he's a magic man that can make the dead swan come alive and go flying all over the sky again.

>LEAVE
Raymond grabs and slaps you.
Ernie cuts the swan's wings and give them to you.

>REFUSE WINGS
Ernie threatens you with his knife.
"Put them on"

>PUT THEM ON
You need a string to do that !

>ASK FOR STRING
Raymond gives you some of his.

>PUT THEM ON
You securely attach the wings along the entire length of your arms. They dangle at your side, grotesque and bloodied.

>END GAME
You can't just end the game like that !

>ASK END
“Swans don’t talk”
"Climb up to the top of this tree"

>CLIMB TREE
The tree is fairly easy to climb.
“Keep goin’!”

>KEEP GOING
You arrive at a point where it is impossible to go higher.
You are now standing on a branch about as thick as a person’s wrist.
It reaches far out over the lake.
The leaves give you no cover at all.
“Keep goin’ and fly!”

>REFUSE
You hear the crack of the rifle and the zip of the bullet as it whistles past your head.

>REFUSE
You hear the crack. The bullet hits you in the thigh.
You're falling.

>GRAB BRANCH
The branch breaks.

>FLY
There is a light of such brilliance and beauty shining over the waters of the lake that you are unable to look away.

>FLY
The light beckons you, drawing you on.

>FLY

***The game has ended***


--------------------

The combination of false interactivity and submission really works in a twisted way I thought, though Roald Dahl would probably think I betrayed his story with what I did here.

#568 ::: Colin Smith ::: (view all by) ::: July 08, 2007, 02:57 PM:

Um, sorry I'm late for the party. How's the keg? Kicked? You got anything in the fridge?


LOLseph Campbell:

I has a bucket
I can has kwest? Do not want!
NOOOOO THEY BE STEALIN MY BUCKET!
I can has mentor? Kthx
I has kwest!
OMG, n ovr mah hed! OH NOOOES!
This r srs kwest
O hai, I can has frendz
I can has teh luv
Is dark point naow
I upgraded me!
I r srs hero!
Im in ur base killin ur d00dz!
Frendz be halpin me! Thx!
I has much win! I has better bucket! Want 2 share?
Is can be go hoem time? Kthxbai

#569 ::: Kevin J. Maroney ::: (view all by) ::: July 16, 2007, 06:07 PM:

No one seems to have written down the ID of 397, which is a religious hymn from Kurt Vonnegut's LOLCATS CR4DEL.

Fish got to swim
Birds got to fly
Man got to ask himself "Why, why, why?"

Fish got to sleep
Birds got to land
Man got to tell himself he understand.

#570 ::: Kevin J. Maroney ::: (view all by) ::: July 16, 2007, 06:18 PM:

Oh, the dangerous mixture of "find" and ROT13. I am shamed.

#571 ::: Kevin J. Maroney ::: (view all by) ::: July 16, 2007, 06:34 PM:

Did no one do

Humanz and catz are one
Can I has blackbirdz please?

#572 ::: Liya ::: (view all by) ::: March 02, 2008, 08:56 PM:

I didn't read through the whole thread yet, but a quick Control+F
shows no attempts at this one. (which I found rather surprising)

u shud no mr mistoffelees!

1337 hax cat

(LOL SRSLY)

no srsly guyz. hes lek

major 1337 hax.

deres no one else liek him in dis gaem

he's got mad skilz

to get hi scor

man i dont beleev ne1 is moar hax

den magical mr mistoffelees!



I really can't bring myself to write more.

#573 ::: RichardB ::: (view all by) ::: April 25, 2008, 07:54 PM:

king: I can have girl

akleez: kwtver

p8troklz: i can have armour

akleez: kwtver

p8roklz: I'mz stabbed

akleez: OMGWTF

H3kt@: Im in ur battle, killin ur guyz

akleez: FUM-F

H3kt@: I'mz stabbed

akleez: Im in ur troy, killin ur heroes

Godz: Im in ur future, doomin u

akleez: kwtver

#574 ::: Therru ::: (view all by) ::: April 26, 2008, 07:07 PM:

Hello! Not very good at this, I'm afraid, but I sorely missed these two:



P00h: O hai, I brought u some hunny, but I eated it.

E0r: I has a bucket! W00t!

**

P00h: O hai E0r

E0r: O NOES INVISIBLE HOUSE

P00h: Oops

Xofr Rbn: U n00b bear

**

#575 ::: Jim ::: (view all by) ::: May 02, 2008, 05:23 PM:

New to the site, but I've loved this thread and couldn't resist joining in.

LOL d'Rthr, part wun

Oothr: I iz in ur kngdm, faitn ur Sxnz.

Oothr: I iz in mah kstl, feestn wit noblz

Oothr: I can has chkn?

Noblz: k

Oothr: I can has Igraen?

Murln: n

Murln: all ur Igraen r belong 2 Gorls.

Oothr: f8k.

Gorls: I iz in ur kngdm, faitn ur Sxnz.

Gorls: Oh noes! I iz stabid!

Murln: O hai.

Murln: I upgraded ur f4ce.

Oothr: I lookz liek Gorls!

Murln: U knoez wut 2 doo.

Oothr: kthxbye!

Oothr: I iz in Gorls kstl, m4kn wit Gorls’ wif!

Oothr: (I lookz like Gorls!)

Igraen: o ya!

Nites: Gorls is stabid!

Igraen: wtf?

Oothr: g2gbye!

Oothr: I iz in mah kstl, sulkin.

Oothr: sulk.

Igraen: o hai.

Igraen: I has n00b.

Oothr: we has n00b?

Igraen: y

Oothr: u can has upgrade to quin?

Igraen: I can has ring?

Oothr: k

Igraen: I can has kstl?

Oothr: k

Igraen: I can has crown?

Oothr: k

Igraen: k

Oothr: woot!

Igraen: n00b need upgrade to daipur. u can has.

Oothr: wtf?

Murln: n00b b Rthr, Kng uv Brtnz.

Oothr: WTF? I iz Kng uv Brtnz.

Murln: no u diez in cutscn. sry.

Oothr: o noes!

#576 ::: abi ::: (view all by) ::: May 02, 2008, 05:29 PM:

Jim,

Welcome, and please do keep going!

#577 ::: Gabrielle ::: (view all by) ::: January 07, 2009, 02:14 PM:

I got lost in the letters/numbers.

#578 ::: Stefan Jones sees bot activity ::: (view all by) ::: January 07, 2009, 03:15 PM:

Gabrielle's posts need to be deleted en masse.

I'm not sure what "she" is trying to accomplish.

#579 ::: praisegod barebones ::: (view all by) ::: June 02, 2010, 09:00 AM:

I stopped reading (temporarily) around 200 - now I'm done with grading, I've got things to get written and this JUST ISN'T HELPING.

But whe googling for a link to send to a friend I found this, and wondered whether it had got a mention.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/entertainment/4445088.stm

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